Imogen Clark's Blog, page 14

Empty Nests

My first-born has left home . . .

When they first pass you your little bundle of joy and you set eyes on your beautiful, defenceless baby, the idea of them being one day big enough to fend for themselves is so ludicrous that it doesn’t even cross your mind.

Then, as your baby grows and challenges and starts to stamp their personality on your world, you might be forgiven for wondering how long it is likely to go on for and how much more you can endure.

But nothing . . . no, nothing can prepare you for the day when they finally set themselves up in a nest other than yours.

MY Baby’s departure was a long time coming . . .

and then was suddenly upon me terribly quickly. When, four years ago, she left home to go to university we all missed her terribly. The balance in the house was all out of kilter without her. Each of my four children has a self-created role to play in our family’s life and her’s was missing. At mealtimes, we would cast a sideways glance at her seat when there was a conversational ball pass which she would usually have caught.

But over time we adapted. University students come home constantly and disrupt the status quo with their newly forged ideas of independence. You barely have time to get used to their absence and they’re back. Between you and me, I even wished for the day that she would return to uni and stop messing with my house rules, particularly as I was still trying to enforce them on her younger siblings.

And then she got a real job . . .

and I was delighted, for wasn’t that why we had slogged our way through four years of university and endless unpaid internships. But the difference between this and everything that had gone before was that this was a forever kind of thing. Until this point, each time I waved her off it was in the certain knowledge that she’d be back, and be back for weeks and sometimes months on end.

What I wasn’t prepared for was when something in her life changed that wasn’t ‘just until Christmas’ but was for the foreseeable future. As good as forever . . .

It’s a mindset shift . . .

that I hadn’t anticipated. For a start, she doesn’t live here any more ( although to be honest you wouldn’t know that to look at her bedroom.) Instead of holidays that stretch on for weeks, she has to eek out her allocated leave days and there’s nothing to say that she’ll want to spend them here. Already her time is chock-full of things that I know nothing about. I don’t know her colleagues, I haven’t seen her office, I’ve never met her new housemates ( or even seen her house.) All of a sudden, my child’s world is an unknown country to me.

Of course, this has been happening in incremental stages since the day she left me to go to nursery but now it’s likely that I will never have all the gaps in my knowledge filled. After all, how much does my own mother know about my life?

SO what should I do next?

Decorate, maybe? We haven’t had a spare room since 2004 and I’m quite looking forward to it. Somewhere for guests (and her??) to stay, a spare bed to lay out my clothes before we go on holiday, one fewer room to clean each week.

I spoke to a friend in a similar position to me recently. She had completely stripped her son’s room within hours of him leaving and had redecorated entirely by the end of the first week – although she did admit that it hadn’t helped her deal with his loss as much as she’d hoped it might.

But I can’t do that yet – not least because the room is still full of her rubbish – I’m just not ready to move forward like that. But I am going to build myself up to it. In time, it will no longer be her room and as I get used to that idea I can mark it by giving the space a new identity to befit its new role.

A moment for a Meaningful quote . . .!

It was, I believe, the Dalai Lama that said:-

“Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.”

And he’s right of course. Much of a mother’s job is to teach her child to be independent enough to leave her and if that is right then I have been successful at least once. But right now, I’m almost wishing that I hadn’t. . .

The post Empty Nests appeared first on Imogen Clark.

I’m dreaming of a GREEN Christmas!

Eco wrapping paper is all the rage

According to my children, it is my generation that has destroyed the planet and I must therefore take full responsibility for ruining their futures. I tried to tell them that I grew up taking pop bottles back to the shop for the deposit and collecting silver paper for Blue Peter appeals but this seems to mean nothing to them. 

I do want to do my bit though. I take care to minimise our plastic consumption, offset our carbon footprint and recycle where I can. And I turn the lights off, which is more than they do! But now that we are approaching Christmas, the season of the unnecessary and excess, taking a greener approach to life seems more important than ever.

I read somewhere that the super-sparkly Christmas wrapping paper that I favour is one of the worst culprits in the recycling Most Wanted list as it can’t be recycled and takes forever to biodegrade. So this year I thought I should try something new.

So, I started my search where most of my online searches begin these day – Amazon. And I wasn’t disappointed. I had assumed that my main option would be to buy myself a roll of utilitarian brown paper and go from there so first I looked up stamps and inks. There are loads! You can basically buy yourself a stamp of any design you care to mention and if you can’t find what you’re looking for then someone will make it for you.

Excited at hand-printing my own paper, I moved on to gift tags and then away from Amazon altogether and off to Pinterest where, as you can imagine, all the best-dressed presents hang out!

By now…

I was positively salivating at all the beautiful options. Brown paper had been joined in my imagination by white paper. . . and even black. I was sourcing unusual twine and wondering what the under-tree lifespan of a sprig of rosemary might be.

But really? A sharp kick in the kneecaps from reality brought me up short. It might look gorgeous on an Insta shoot but it’s not that practical to attach greenery to all your gifts. And where in the mad-busy run up to Christmas was I going to find time to create my own wrapping paper when I barely had time to wrap the gifts in the first place.

So it was back to the drawing board. Rather than jazzing up my own brown paper with potato printing (not that practical and very unlikely to actual happen in a busy household without any toddlers to assist) I decided to look at ready printed recycled and recyclable wrapping papers.

And guess what? There’s masses of that too. Rolls upon rolls of it.

THe Trouble is . . .

it’s just not that pretty, is it? Call me shallow, but I do like a bit of glitter with my gifts. I love that the sparkles get into the carpet and are still there in March. It makes me laugh when everyone’s eyebrows seem to have a tiny bit of glitter in them that just won’t wash out no matter how hard you try. And brown paper just doesn’t do that for me.

So, I’m going to have to compromise . . .

When it comes to wrapping gifts this year, I’ll be seeking a happy medium between brown and gold. With all the masses of gift wrapping paraphernalia that seems to be available, a halfway house must be achievable that placates my inner guilt whilst at the same time pleasing my inner princess because, after all, if you can’t have a little bit of sparkle at Christmas then what hope is there for any of us?

My research trip to Southwold

Hi there

As you’ll know if you’ve read my books, I like to ground them in a real location if I can. I hope that this makes them more interesting to read but it also gives me chance to visit lovely places and have good a nose about and that makes them fun to write.

Last week, I spent some time in the beautiful Southwold in Suffolk. I had been hoping for the glorious blue skies that you sometimes get but in fact the heavens were dark and stormy which was far more atmospheric ( although possibly not quite as photogenic.)

Stormy skies over Southwold

Anyway, the book I’m currently working on, working title – Miss Mountcastle’s Diary – is the story of two women whose lives have both been broken and who strike up an unusual friendship to try to mend themselves. I needed to find places that I could use for the locations that I had already written into the story as well as making sure that I had the geography of the place right.

Chocolate-box cottages

 

There is something lovely about a busy holiday town out of season. It was quiet and I assumed that the people that I saw were mainly local and not tourists. It felt as if the whole place was letting out a collective sigh of relief after the long, frantic summer season.

Out of season on Southwold Pier

Now that I’m back home, I’m working hard on getting the first draft completed as the edits for the book due out next Spring will land at the beginning of next month. No rest for the wicked eh?

Also, just in case you missed it, I have a new book coming out very soon. Postcards at Christmas will launch into the world on 15th October and will be available in ebook to start with and then in audiobook next month. You can get it HERE.

Remember to check back for more news soon and if you want a chance to win stuff then sign up for my MONTHLY NEWSLETTER HERE

With very best wishes,

 

The post My research trip to Southwold appeared first on Imogen Clark.

NEW Book Deal!

Hi

I have big news!

I have just signed a new four book deal with my wonderful publishers Lake Union. I’m delighted as you can imagine. The first two books are written and ready to start the editing process. One will come out in the autumn and the second next spring, I hope. And then I need to get my thinking cap on for the others! I have an idea for book three. Book four is an adventure waiting to happen!

Also, yesterday I came out in translation for the first time – German! There’s such a buzz attached to seeing your words in a different language ( but are they my words then? It’s a moot point! ) Anyway, so far so good. The book currently has a lovely orange Amazon Bestseller tag which is great. You can see the book here if you know anyone that reads German.

 

So I’ll sign off now but please get in touch if you want to connect. I’d love to hear from you.

 

 

 

The post NEW Book Deal! appeared first on Imogen Clark.

My trip to Chelsea Flower Show

I’m no gardener. I mean, I do have a garden but it’s mainly lawn and a few ill-chosen plants that somehow manage to thrive despite the lack of love and attention.

But I do like gardens! Who doesn’t? And a girl can dream, right?

So off I trundled to Chelsea Flower Show to see how it’s meant to be done. They make it look so easy, those proper gardeners. Beautiful specimens all pushed in together so there are no gaps for the weeds to show through and each the perfect size and colour for its allotted space. To be honest, it was all a little overwhelming for the total beginner but, undeterred, I picked up all the planting schemes that I could carry and hoped for the best.

And now I’m home. I have lots of space and a lovely clear image in my mind’s eye of how I would like things to look. Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea how to achieve it but I can learn. How hard can it be?!

Here are a few of my photos so you can see how the experts do it. Maybe in a few months time I might have something of my own to show you. But I wouldn’t hold your breath.

So, how about you? Do you have green fingers? I’d love to see a picture.

The post My trip to Chelsea Flower Show appeared first on Imogen Clark.

I’ve been waiting . . .

Hi

So many things have happened since I last wrote. I’m still using my bullet journal so that’s a good start. It’s not necessarily as pretty as some of the others that I see but it’s serving a purpose and keeping me accountable and on top of things so that’s a job done.

I’m having some work done on my website which is taking longer than I’d hoped but I miss my blog so I’ve decided to carry on whilst we wait.

Lots has happened since I last wrote and if you are a Newsletter Subscriber you’ll have already read about a lot of it so I shan’t repeat myself. But right now I’m building up to the publication of my new book Where the Story Starts. I’m feeling a little calmer this time, having been through the process twice already but I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the emotional turmoil of publishing a novel.

Anyway, there will no doubt be lots of publication noise from me over the next couple of weeks so I’ll be back with something a little more meaningful after that.

Until then, I hope you are enjoying the spring and reading some great books.

The post I’ve been waiting . . . appeared first on Imogen Clark.

Can I bullet journal? Well, watch this space!

Hi there

So what are you going to do in 2109 that you haven’t done before?

Not thought of anything yet? No worries – there are still three days to go!

I have my plan all thought through. I am going to try (yet again) to establish a bullet journal. Those people that know me might remember that I’ve been wittering on about this for a while. I almost started this time last year and did actually have a go the year before that but failed to get it going properly.

But, despite these epic crash-and-burns, I still can’t seem to get the idea out of my head. The universe is clearly sending me a signal to have another try..

 

 

I can hear a few of you asking what a bullet journal is – basically it’s a paper-based productivity tool designed to make us more mindful about how we spend our two most precious resources – time and energy. In a nutshell, through a simple system of lists and markings it enables you to keep a track of everything you are thinking about, should be doing and want to do . . .  all in one place.

This appeals to me on a number of levels. I’ve always kept diaries, am very goal driven and have various daily routines already well established so I should be a perfect candidate. And of course I adore stationery (well, who doesn’t to be honest?!)

Now, my logical side tells me that I should have this kind of thing stored digitally in apps that are available to me through my phone (and therefore constantly about my person). and let’s face it, there are hundreds of options. However, my heart is singing a very different tune. It wants me to have a paper system where I can write things in coloured inks and cross tasks off with a decisive sweep of a pen.

The other thing about bullet journals is that the best of them are just so beautiful. Look #bujo up on your favourite social media outlet and marvel at what people do. Here is a Pinterest page by way of example. Just have a quick click on the link (but please don’t wander off!) Aren’t they gorgeous? How much would I love to have a journal like those sitting on my desk? More than you can possibly imagine, actually.

But here’s the problem, my resistance, the thing that causes friction each time I decide to try – basically there is more chance of Ilkley Town winning the FA cup than me creating something like that. I can’t draw. I can’t do fancy lettering. I have no artistic imagination. I can barely copy let alone come up with an idea of my own.  As a result, each time I decide I’m going to start a bullet journal I get totally overwhelmed and give up.

However, giving up is not like me and I don’t like doing it. So I’ve had a little think and I have concluded that much as I would love to have spreads (that’s what you call the pages) like these drawn by my writer friend Holly ( @holly.journals)

                    

having beautifully laid out pages like these is not the primary purpose of a bullet journal ( see above ). And the primary purpose is something I CAN achieve as long as I resign myself to the fact that it might not be that pretty!

So now, with three days to go before the start of the new year I am preparing to begin my new journal. And it’s an excuse to buy more stationery so what’s not to love?

My supplies!

So what are you doing that’s new for 2019? Let me know in the comments.

Best wishes

 

The post Can I bullet journal? Well, watch this space! appeared first on Imogen Clark.

Why did no one tell me?

Hi there

One of the many wonderful things about midlife is how much you now know! I am constantly telling my kids that they should listen to my advice because I am very wise. Of course, they just laugh at me and do things their own way, exactly as I did when I was their age. But that’s okay because eventually they will work out that all my experience does count for something and they would do well to listen!

And I’m not alone. I am surrounded by women who are learning new skills, building businesses and succeeding in their chosen fields by using all the stuff that they’ve learned along the way.

And age is a distinct advantage. When I turned 40 I finally worked out that I didn’t care what other people thought (or at least not nearly as much as I had done up until that point.) Instead of the crowd-pleasing, rule-abiding goody-two-shoes that I’d always been, I started to rebel. Don’t get me wrong – I didn’t do anything really naughty. But I did start to question those in authority if I thought it was appropriate and challenge when I might previous have just accepted. And it felt so liberating.

Since I turned 50 I’ve had another revelation. Not only do I no longer worry about what other people think but now I realise that they rarely think about me at all. Everyone leads such busy life that they don’t have time or energy to waste on what others are up to and we can merrily fly under their radar without them even batting an eyelid. I wish someone had told me that when I was in my 20s.

Someone else who has learned this is curve model Rachel Peru.

Rachel came to modelling in her late 40s and is flying. It is highly likely that you will have seen her in a campaign as she poses proudly for a lingerie shoot showing off her fabulous curves and her beautiful and naturally grey hair. Rachel is on a mission to make older women not only visible but oozing with self-confidence and she’s not alone. You only have to have been to the cinema recently to see how the world is embracing those women who might previously have been overlooked.

As well as modelling, Rachel has recently started a podcast Out of the Bubble in which she interviews women who have, just like her, been inspired to try new things and succeed in midlife. And this week I was lucky enough to be chosen to be a guest.

You can hear us chatting about my journey over the last ten years. It’s an honest conversation where we discuss finding self-confidence, discovering new paths and the dreaded imposter syndrome. You can listen to it HERE.

I bet you’re dead wise too. So what have you learned on the way that you would want to pass on to your children or your younger self? Tell me in the comments below. I’m all ears.

 

The post Why did no one tell me? appeared first on Imogen Clark.

Should I still send Christmas cards?

When I was a little girl I adored Christmas cards. The postman came twice a day back then and on a Sunday when it was Christmas and I remember running to the front door every time I heard the letterbox snap. Cards started to trickle in at the start of December and pretty soon it was a bit like Harry Potter getting letters inviting him to Hogwarts (although with fewer owls!) – we were swamped.

I loved everything about them – the shapes, the handwriting, the interesting stamps and that was all before we’d even opened the envelopes. Then I’d help my mum stick them up around the house where they would flap annoyingly until Twelfth night. The cards were a magical part of my Christmas.

How very different things are these days. Email and Facebook mean that I’m in touch with most of my friends on an almost daily basis. Then there are all the issues thrown up by climate change – producing cards, the miles travelled deliver them not to mention the cost of a stamp. Whether or not to send cards at Christmas seems to have become a bit of an ethical conundrum.

A few years ago I remember it became fashionable to make an announcement to all and sundry that instead of going to the expense of buying the cards, the sender would make an equivalent donation to charity. I know this was very well intentioned but I couldn’t help thinking that it might also be a convenient excuse used by those who just couldn’t be bothered to write them. So I continued writing and sending.

Then one year I decided that enough was enough. What exactly was the point of going to the trouble of choosing the cards, writing little messages inside and queuing in the post office for stamps, I wondered. There was almost no one on my list that didn’t already know all my news and surely in the run up to Christmas I could think of better things to do with my time?

Yet isn’t choosing things especially for people that you’re fond of and putting yourself out a little bit all part of what Christmas is about? And then I thought about what it would be like not to get any cards in return. I just couldn’t imagine it and the thought made me so inexorably sad that I had to have an extra mince pie just to console myself! Yes, it’s an extra, not entirely necessary job that must be done to a deadline, it’s expensive and time-consuming and it’s a bugger getting all those little blu-tac marks off afterwards but Christmas without Christmas cards? I just can’t imagine it.

So I’ve written them again this year. Granted there are fewer to send each time and I get fewer in return but if just one person opens a card from me and smiles to themselves about some memory that we share then that’s reason enough to put pen to paper.

So how about you? Are you still sending cards?

 

 

 

The post Should I still send Christmas cards? appeared first on Imogen Clark.

When did I get so anxious?!

Hi there

My family would say that I am a worrier – but they are wrong! I don’t worry – I plan (which is not the same thing at all.)

It’s not like I assume that things will go wrong or fret about things that haven’t even happened yet. That would be worrying, right? It’s more that I have a solution for every scenario JUST IN CASE! That’s definitely not worrying. To me that’s just being prepared.

So, for example, imagine we’re going to the theatre and we intend to go in the car. I will have worked out how long it will take to get there in good traffic, bad traffic and also checked the train times just in case the car won’t start. Well, theatre tickets are expensive – especially for six of us and I’m taking no chances. But that’s not anxiety. That’s good planning! Because I’m not the anxious type.

Or at least, I wasn’t . . .

 

But suddenly being anxious has become a thing.

I’m not sure when it started. It’s kind of crept up on me over the last year or so. For a while I didn’t even notice that my thought processes had changed but then I heard myself talking and I sounded a bit like my mum ( sorry Mum x). ‘I don’t really like driving in the dark/on the motorway/to somewhere I don’t know.’

What?! I’m a competent, independent woman who has been merrily driving herself to new places on the motorway in the dark for over thirty years. Why then did I suddenly feel like this was asking a little too much of me?

My ability to make a decision took a hit next. I dithered over the final click when I was booking things, hovered about in shops picking things up and putting them down again and please don’t ask me where we should meet for coffee!

Of course, we all know what is going on here. In fact, it appears that every single change that has come over me recently, both physical and emotional, can be attributed to the same thing which is handy. It’s like I have a ready-made excuse for every bad mood or argument for the foreseeable future which is all very well but I don’t want an excuse. I’d rather just not be difficult and tetchy and indecisive and anxious. I was quite happy with the way I was before.

So, I’ve been on a mission to try and improve matters. Here’s what I’m trying:

Be kind to myself. I’ve stopped saying yes when what I really want to say is no and I’m no longer beating myself up if I don’t get to the end of my To Do list each day.
Look for the positive. It’s not always easy to find when you feel like this but I’m doing my best because positivity seems be infectious.
Yoga. At least if I can still touch my toes and get out of a chair without making that little ‘ouf ‘ sound then I don’t feel quite so ancient!
Meditation. I was a sceptic but I’ve been at it for a while now and it’s growing on me.
Sleep, diet and exercise. How dull are these but doing them all in appropriate measures seems to help.

 

 

I have to say that I’m not that keen on Anxious Imogen. She’s a nuisance and she gets in my way. I’ve been in London doing radio interviews this week and The Thing about Clare launches worldwide on Saturday. I don’t have time to fret. Life is too short to be overthinking the small stuff so Anxious Imogen is not welcome (although no doubt she’ll be popping up to help me with Christmas soon!)

If you have any top tips for combatting midlife anxiety then please comment in the box. I’ll try pretty much anything!

 

The post When did I get so anxious?! appeared first on Imogen Clark.