Christopher Moore's Blog, page 6

The Author Guy Improves Art and Architechture

You can't throw a stick in Paris without hitting a Gothic Cathedral (which, by the way, they are totally touchy about, so if you can control yourself, don't throw a stick while in Paris), and at each cathedral, there is an array of gargoyles, which were, back in the day, used to direct rainwater away from the stone walls.

This is how they are done. They just sit there, doing nothing, now that most cathedrals have been equipped with gutters and downspouts.

In my new, improved version, gargoyles...

Making Fun of Sculpture

Bon Jour. Today more art from Paris,  my dusty love rodents. Come now, enjoy culture, the beauty, creepiness that is public art in Paris…

IN Jardin des Tuileries (or Garden of Tiles, which, we in the U.S. call, The Mall). This one of the many statues that depict athletics.

Our open field running rocks when we play the midget team!

Naked American Football is HUGE in France. Strangely, they use a pigeon as a ball.

The Job...

French Stuff: A Complete Guide

Here's some stuff that I've seen lately, out and about in Paris, for those of you who don't get the Twitter feed, and some stuff that wasn't on there.

First, if you're on the Left Bank of the Seine, and you're looking for a little fast Greek Food,

What Do You Want?

That's RIGHT! When a BIG ASS GYRO isn't enough? Also, not a bad stripper name.

Just saying.

I know you loves the French cheese, oui?

Sure, they may be behind us in some things, but they are years beyond us in Cheese.

My friends Max...

The Adventures of Bear Blanc, Polar Bear Francais

ONE DAY AT THE MUSEE D'ORSAY…

Art Basics: Where are the M***F***ing Monkeys?

Bon Jour, my slippery pamplemousses, here, as promised, is more art from the Louvre. Today, we start with pieces from the French sculpture collection.

This, very lifelike piece is

Is by Pierre August Rodin, from 1891

This one, from Felix Lecompte, is from 1868, commissioned by the Royal Academie, it's

"Look, I found this kid hanging on a Tree."

Here's a closer look.

Is this guy hanging the kid on the tree, or picking the kid off the tree? Is he trying to breast...

Art History from Paris- An American In Paris 6

A Note from your host, Sac Poubelle:

Today, my greasy chipmunks, we will have a visit to the Louvre, and I will have to lose my outRAGEous French accent, and along with it, my magnificent animal charm, non? I will let the pig dog Author Guy guide you through our treasures d'art. Commencé imbiceel d'livre.

The Author Guy:
As you know, the Louvre was mostly mythical, until 2005 when it was built as a set for the movie, The DaVinci Code, and Audrey Tatou was installed as the queen of France...

Learn Friggin French with Sac Poubelle

Bon Jour, le bitches, it is I, your professeur, Sac Poubelle, with some observations from the Bastille Farmers' market, and your first French lesson.

But you say, "Mais mon ami, Sac, your French is, how you say, shit, how can you you teach us?"

You see, my little love piggies, I have been doing the writing for many years, and it is my experience that as soon as a person can string seven words together, they begin to teach creative writing, so how can French be different? Trés brilliant, no?

Commen

A Revolutionary Froggy Snog Blog

So, I think we all know from A Tale of Two Cities, that the French Revolution was the worst of times, and that it all started by the storming of the Bastille, the great medieval prison on the right bank in Paris. So I went there today, totally pumped to see the guillotine guys out steam-cleaning the blades and a woman with an enormous, scary mole, leading some filthy peasants in a chant of: "Guillotine! Guillotine!" if only for the benefit of the tourists. (Come on, we keep the cable cars runni

Out and About in Paris

Just  a few things I've seen out and about in Paris. Short of time today…

At the Jardin Du Luxembourg

No pressure or anything, but God is always watching when you shag.

At the Museum of Natural History

The Area for the Conservation of Special Sausages

(as far as I can tell)

In the 1st Arronidisment,  before everything opens in the morning.

A new shipment of Jewish Princesses being delivered from America to the JAPORAMA

At the Mannaquin Store in the Marai:

Can you say FABULOUS!!!?

I just have one questi

In France, French Bread is just called Bread

Paris: 6:00 AM

It's been years since I've seen 6:00 AM from either side of the clock. Let's face it, it's too fucking early to get up, unless you're a fisherman or a soldier, and even then it's still too early, and it's too late to be up, unless you're 20 or snorting meth, and then it's still too late. But lately, I find myself  in a time-warp jet lag that's so bad I'm afraid I'm going to run into myself sitting in front of the EURO FRIED SNAILS BISTRO and create a disturbance in the time space c