Sadaf Shahzad's Blog

Dali and Cocky Prince (2021) Kdrama Review

Fans of Her Private Life, are you ready for another romantic foray into the world of art kdrama style? Dali and Cocky Prince DELIVERED! It’s not just about art though. The poster describes it best as Kim Da Li and Jin Moo Hak pose in front of a stunning art display. She is clad in her signature delicate chic fashion while he flaunts a unique suit pattern sporting a ladle and potato basket. Modern art meets gastronomy in this quirky tear-jerking thriller that will give you plenty of reasons to swoon. Sounds like the oddest mix, huh? Good thing it works!

Dali and Cocky Prince 2021 kdrama official posterThe Plot

As usual, AsianWiki is not to be trusted when it comes to a plot synopsis. Here’s what this kdrama is actually about. A prestigious family that owns an art gallery and has a single heir. A disowned jealous drug addict supported by his uncle. A cunning business mogul with his hand in every big pie. A self-made restaurateur who worships money. A passionate art researcher with a spine of steel. An insecure greedy mother-son duo. Put them all together and you get a somewhat predictable plot that is saved by the superior cast, great performances, awesome chemistry, and satisfying comedic timing. When Kim Da Li’s father suddenly dies, she rushes back to South Korea from the Netherlands and struggles to keep Cheong Seong Museum of Art open while her good-for-nothing cousin, Kim Si Hyung, stirs up trouble in cahoots with those who want the place shut down. Meanwhile, Jin Moo Hak, the money-loving creditor, attempts to take over operations to get his loan returned but secretly, he’s falling for Kim Da Li after their chance meeting in the Netherlands. Joo Won Tak, Kim Da Li’s childhood friend, is the cop on the tail of the corrupt politicians making shady land deals. He also happens to be the tenant of Jin Moo Hak, who lives in the same building. Kim Da Li isn’t eager for romance at first because the heir of the Segi Group, Jang Tae Jin, dumped her right before their wedding not long ago. As the story progresses, Kim Da Li begins to see who is truly and friend and who is an opportunist. We learn who is desperate to shut down the art gallery and how far they are willing to go for their ambitions.  

The CharactersKim Da Li Park Gyu Young as Kim Da Li (Dali and Cocky Prince 2021 review)

Every episode had me sighing over Kim Da Li’s elegant visual. Normally, I don’t like such a pale look but it worked perfectly for her doll-like princess image. The makeup was barely there but she was porcelain perfection and those baby hairs styled with a slicked back bob? It made me sad to see her hairstyle change near the end. She blended cool chic and feminine delicacy in a wonderful style that you will want to emulate. We soon realize that Kim Da Li, played by Park Gyu Young, is no pushover despite her fragile appearance. Seeing her stand tall against the worst of the worst was inspiring to say the least. Her bad luck in romance didn’t stop her from falling in love again and her compassion won hearts wherever she went. She’s a style icon with a heart of gold and balls of steel!  

Jin Moo Hak Kim Min Jae as Jin Moo Hak (Dali and Cocky Prince 2021 review)

You think you’re cool but you’ll never be as cool as Dondon F& B’s Jin Moo Hak in his fun patterned suits lecturing elite art enthusiasts about pig poop. Never a boring moment with Jin Moo Hak and his band of loyal thugs, I mean cooks, executing his out-of-this-world plans to make more money. One would think that he’s a villain but really, he’s a soft boy who loves his toys. Not only will he eat your terrible food without complaint but he will whip up a delicious meal for you just because he loves you. Jin Moo Hak, played by Park Min Jae, is the type of person you want by your side in your worst times because this boy is not a quitter. More than that, he will push you to remain firm in the face of bitter opposition. He is strong, secure, annoying, petty, ridiculous, adorable, and a hopeless romantic.   

Supporting Cast

I hope they paid Kim Min Jae well for all the borderline cringe stuff they made him do. Those were some of the funniest scenes because his behaviour seemed so out of character for a money-hungry businessman. The supporting cast really sold them with their realistic reactions that were a hard relate. Speaking of which, Yeon Woo was pretty convincing as Ahn Chak Hee, the daughter of a corrupt politician. There wasn’t much of a love triangle thanks to her and the ending scenes with Joo Won Tak hit that sweet spot for those of us who shipped them. Although I had hoped for Na Gong Joo to get together with Joo Won Tak at some point, it was worth seeing Na Gong Joo’s character development and I preferred seeing her go through it independently. Then we have Jin Moo Hak’s parents, played by Ahn Kil Kang and Seo Jung Yeon, both great actors who never disappoint. Shoutout to Hwang Bo Ra, who plays Jin Moo Hak’s efficient secretary, Yeo Mi Ri. I cannot get enough of this gorgeous creature who does justice to every role she is given. Jin Ki Cheol, Jang Tae Jin, and Kim Si Hyung were memorable characters, each bringing substance to the story with their distinct personalities. Jang Tae Jin slips effortlessly from Seoul’s most eligible bachelor to scheming heartbreaker. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed Jin Ki Cheol’s sinister yet naïve character, who adds thrill with his moves. Lee Jae Woo stands out for his fantastic portrayal of Kim Si Hyung, who has more dimension than most kdrama heroes. Lastly, the team of Cheong Seong Museum of Art is a diverse bunch that somehow keeps everything afloat in disastrous times. Their internal chemistry as well as that with the main cast was always entertaining.  

I recommend Dali and Cocky Prince to anyone who is looking for the full package that has just enough light moments and heart-fluttering ones to keep you going when the plot gets too heavy to bear.

Rating: 4/5

Have you watched Dali and Cocky Prince? Let me know what you thought in the comments below.

Employers’ Bias Against Working Mothers in Pakistan

The post-feminism era has deluded people into believing that urban women are just as empowered as their male counterparts. Arguments such as “Islam has given all the rights to men” and “women are taking the jobs of men” do nothing to help women who are suffering just like before. A while back, a friend has to face the discouraging attitudes of interviewers who were unwilling to hire mothers. There is a disgusting approach many employers take towards mothers and even married Pakistani women. They want you to be highly educated with adequate experience in your field. The question is, how is that possible?

The truth is that most women, including those from privileged backgrounds, get married in their early to mid-twenties. Let’s make some calculations for the sake of clarification. A Pakistani woman usually earns her Bachelor’s degree when she is 22-23 years of age. It takes another 2 years on top of that to get a Master’s degree. She is around 24-25 years old by that point. Generally, a Pakistani woman is expected to be married and have a child at this age. I haven’t even talked about those who pursue Doctorate or Post-doctorate degrees. When is she supposed to gain the experience that will land her a job at your company?

Employers with this kind of mindset fail to do basic Math. They want unmarried women who have a Bachelor’s degree, if not a Master’s degree in a relevant discipline. Of course, they want experts in their team. So, they don’t want to hire professionals who are still in their first year. What is this ridiculous time window where working women are eligible for these jobs? Firstly, the gender wage gap is absolutely pathetic in Pakistan from daily wage workers in the field to managers in the corporate sector. Next, you want women to be unmarried. This is the post-feminism empowerment men keep harping on about?

You may be surprised to hear the excuses these employers have for not hiring married women. Apparently, women are deeply engrossed in serving their husbands and in-laws after their marriage and have no time for work. Another excuse they present is that working mothers put their children first and cannot be trusted with their company’s interests. Are they saying that “all men are trash”? Are they truly implying that women should give up personal time just because they are married in Pakistan? When it comes to male employees, even sexual harassment is overlooked. On the other hand, female employees are not shown empathy during family emergencies.

It’s safe to say that such employers are hypocrites. The world is moving towards improved employee welfare by highlighting mental health and physical wellness. Diversity and inclusion are the keywords for branding multinational companies. Pakistan is moving backwards instead of forwards. We should be developing in-office daycares to support working parents. Better policies need to be made for problems related to female reproductive health. Pakistani employers must facilitate working mothers and encourage women to apply for jobs no matter their marital status. A country cannot progress if half of its population faces such severe discrimination in and out of the workplace.

Much of our young talent is wasting away because of the sexist and misogynist practices of businesses in Pakistan. These women deserve to be uplifted and given concessions for situations out of their control. It goes without saying that employee welfare should come first regardless of gender but men simply don’t face the type of oppression that women do. Recently, I cut short an interview when I got to know about the company’s policies on hiring married women. I am not a married woman or a working mother but I will always stand by them in the face of such foul discrimination. No regrets!

Do “Feminist” Pakistani Ads Actually Empower Women?

Every trend is a chance for companies to make more money and nothing is sacred. Whether or not their brand values truly align with those beliefs, they will exploit that trend. We have seen it all from #PaariHoRahiHai to special Ramazan deals. It is no secret that deeply patriarchal societies like Pakistan hate feminists and the #MeToo movement. Well organized incel groups waste no time in reporting social media pages related to women empowerment and sending rape threats to anyone who supports feminism. In an extremist environment such as ours, it’s weird that every brand is suddenly interested in “empowering women”. Today, I will be looking at some recent Pakistani ads that are following this trend and analyzing them from a feminist’s point of view.

Feminist Pakistani Ads I Hate as Much as Soggy Pakoras

I have to watch these everyday on YouTube even though I don’t really watch TV. I am sure you are suffering worse than I am. It’s time to let it all out!

Gori Not Lonely Glow & Lovely

First, let’s discuss the anthem, Mitti Ke Sau Rung, where Glow & Lovely “celebrates the diverse and glowing faces of Pakistan”. It’s a beautiful music video and the lyrics clearly condemn colourism. I was pleased to see amazing women from different professions, especially those that are deemed unsuitable for Pakistani women in conservative families. The problem is that the company is still selling the Fair & Lovely formula, just with a different name, and the public has already associated the original product as a fairness cream. This rebranding is a lame PR stunt and no one is fooled. This brand has done great damage to the anti-colourism movement for decades and will continue to do so.

Next, I want to look at their ads starring their brand ambassador, Mawra Hocane, who clearly ticks every box for local beauty standards and is quite fair for a desi woman. Here she is announcing the rebranding and claiming that you will get an HD glow, which is better than fairness. Doesn’t that just send the message that you will get even fairer now? That’s funny considering the formula hasn’t changed.

Another ad shows a college student throwing away her umbrella, the women’s cricket team, women driving scooters, a woman climbing a mountain and lastly, Mawra Hocane strolling in a park while the narrator talks about women being “free of shadows”, “ready to face the sun”, “embracing the light”, and the time being ripe for “flying in the skies” instead of being “scared of the sun”. She emphasizes that it’s the time for the “glow of confidence”. Sounds pretty inspiring, right? They’ve been carefully scripting their new ads to present a progressive approach when in reality, they’ve been exploiting the insecurities of desi women for decades with the exact same formula. Little girls are told to be scared of the sun and you’ve just been feeding insecurities with your products. You will also notice that Mawra Hocane is the only fair woman in this entire ad but Gori Not Lonely did not bother hiring a dusky model as their brand ambassador. So, you dusky ladies can get the “glow of confidence” but you can never be Mawra Hocane. 

The next one is so stupid that I have to quote the script.

“Fashion and makeup trends change but do you know what stays the same? My victory and the sun’s defeat in my fight with the sun. It sets in the evening but my glow stays there. Now, every face will glow.” *insert shots of two dusky models followed by one of Mawra Hocane* What is this nonsense about fighting the sun? You’re not even selling sunscreen! Your glow stays there? Don’t you wash your face all day? Maybe you reapply Glow & Lovely but wait, weren’t you just going on and on about the “glow of confidence”. What does that have to do with your product? I could just apply a facial oil or highlighter to get a dewy complexion. Why do I need Glow & Lovely?   

There’s another one titled, “Sooraj Se Jeet” where Mawra Hocane is on a drama shoot and says, “Whether the fight is with the villain or the sun, victory is always mine.” Not cute, sorry!

Only, two things can tire a woman: wedding shopping and of course, fighting the sun!

Don’t forget to take your big jar of Glow & Lovely to work ladies!

This one is the worst in my opinion. Mawra Hocane stalks forward and says, “Women have to fight many things but there’s one fight we can always win”. Any guesses?

Sunsilk Black Shine

Sohai Ali Abro is a university student and this Safdar sahab, whoever he is, acts like a sexist day-old samosa and tells her to leave the election campaign to him because her hair might lose its shine. First of all, fuck him! Secondly, why doesn’t she shut him down for implying that women are unsuitable for politics because they obsess over their looks? He makes it out like she prioritizes her looks and that she’s incompetent as a candidate because she maybe more concerned about her hair losing its shine during the summer. That insecure piece of elaichi in biryani wants her to dropout of the election over this stupid logic and she just tells him that she can handle both. No! Just no! That’s not the message we want to give to women. We don’t want to tell them using Sunsilk Black Shine will save their political career. The notion that women obsess over their looks is sexist. Men telling women that they are incompetent for any position just because they are women is sexist. How about you talk about your hair care range saving our time and energy during hairstyling? How about you tell us that it will prevent dryness and itchiness during the summer heat? How about you highlight the properties of these hair oils that protect our hair from damage? The beginning of this ad asks the question, “Why do we stop our women from moving forward?” The answer is patriarchy not dull hair!

In another ad from the same campaign, Sohai Ali Abro is driving a motorcycle and the narration says, “Break the doubt and ride it out”. In the end, she sits on her bike with perfectly styled hair after her “empowering” ride through the city and announces, “We will manage our hair and shine with pride too!” Lady, no one rides a bike with untied hair. You can tell that Zoya has never even travelled in a rickshaw before let alone a bike. Again, women who are unable to ride motorcycles are not held back by dull hair for the love of the last gulab jamun!

In their “shoutout to all the girls out there”, women are encouraged to “get on the trend and lead the way”. Listen Sunsilk people, history has given us countless female leaders and none of them “got on trend”. In fact, these trailblazers were oddities in their cultures and fought to give women a voice every single day. Queen of Egypt, Hatshepsut, had to wear a fake beard and male clothing to gain the same status as male pharaohs.  I assure you that Rani Lakshmibai did not watch this ad before leading a rebellion against her far stronger British oppressors. You really exposed yourselves with this ad because it proves that women empowerment is just a trend for you. Oh, and by the way, women empowerment is for all women not just women with hair like Sohai Ali Abro’s. How about we get some representation for other hair types in here, hmm?

Again, you mention “every style” but we get zero representation. We only got to see her in one hairstyle. What was the point?

Okay, so we got to see two new hairstyles in this ad so *applause* but did you spend all your budget hiring Sohai Ali Abro? She mentions driving bikes, kickboxing, operating drills, and winning elections. “Girls Can Do It All!”. Yes, we already know that because there are countless women in Pakistan doing these things. The reason that the average woman doesn’t know how to do them is because they are not taught these tasks and them doing them is connected to the “family honour” and even religious policing on “modesty”. Our patriarchal society deliberately keeps women ignorant and reacts aggressively to them learning these things on their own, and then it has the audacity to mock women for not knowing how to perform these tasks. There was never any doubt about what women could do. It has always been a case of “we won’t let you do it”. Just in case I wasn’t clear enough before, this has NOTHING to do with bad hair days.

“We won’t stop and we won’t bend”. It looked like the problem was with your heels not your hair so what was the point of this ad?

Surf Excel Daaghon Ka Champion

I hate this ad with every fibre of my being! I disagree with the girl child being held to the standards of a champion instead of focusing on gender equality, which is the primary goal of women empowerment. The idea that women are superior to men using words like champion, super and heroes is harmful in my opinion. It feels like the same old Pakistani counter argument to feminism: Heaven lies beneath the feet of mothers. Sure, I can be the best but are you making it as easy for me as you have made it for men? A girl can aim to be the best in her profession. I totally support that. It’s nice to see her brother cheering her on. She’s determined to land a difficult kick and it’s not expected of her either like her grandmother points out. The girl exclaims that she’s a champion so she must be successful in something that her peers cannot do. It gives the impression that she can do it because of her gender, not because she’s a great football player. The real reason I hate this ad with a burning passion is because her grandmother concludes, “The champion of stains is your mother.” Yes, I could see the women agonizing over a kid’s dirty clothes. Where was the father and why couldn’t he be the Stain Champion or whatever? It often seems like empowerment is only for little girls and young women while the older women are still stuck with the centuries-old toxic bullshit. In the movie Thapper, this concept is explored when the heroine’s father realized that he never supported his beloved wife’s dream of becoming a singer the way he supported his daughter’s interests. It’s the same thing. We aren’t free until all of us are free. How does this ad uplift women in any way? It doesn’t.      

Feminist Pakistani Ads Done Right

You’re probably tired of me being a negative Naila so let’s look at some Pakistani TV ads that I think inspire and empower women in different ways or at least have positive messages that make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Stylo Apna Rung Own Karo

Right off the bat, you can see that the woman is trying to choose a shoe based on her complexion because she’s insecure about it. The narrator goes on to describe various positive traits in the woman that different colours remind us of. None of these traits are related to her appearance. They are all describing the delightful shades of her personality. That’s so well done! It’s about who you are not what you look like. “Girls stand tall!”. Every woman needs to hear that.

1000 Ways I Can Calcium Awareness TVC 2020

I love this! The song, the diversity, the positivity, and the acknowledgement of women as people instead of women presented in strict gender roles. Women’s health is a major concern in Pakistan and while women take care of everyone, they are drained and replaced. I genuinely feel appreciated as a woman.

MoltyFoam x Mashion #MaShaadi2020

This is beautiful! A single mother who has been raising her children alone for years after her beloved husband’s death finds love again. It is heartwarming to see the roles reversed when she asks her daughter whether she’s doing the right thing. The support of her children is something every parent should have when they make the choice to move on in their love life. A person does not stop being an individual with dreams and desires once they become parents. The search for love should not stop because you’ve reached a certain age. Widowed and divorced women are not “leftovers”. This one ad questions many toxic social norms and I’m here for it! “Celebrate Courage. Celebrate Choice. Celebrate Life.”

Lifebuoy Shampoo Tum Mazboot Ho

This year on Women’s Day, Lifebuoy highlighted the plight of women facing domestic violence and suffering silently while their daughters stand by helplessly. We see a little girl telling her mother that she wants to pursue different professions just so she can save her from her father’s cruelty. In the end, the daughter asks her mother to make her strong so that she could stand as a shield in front of her when her father tries to beat her mother. The message is about breaking the silence, standing up against domestic abuse and raising educated daughters with strong minds. You may report abuse at 1099. Lately, Lifebuoy Shampoo has been highlighting the importance of mental strength in little girls so that they believe in themselves and don’t stop their progress for anyone.   

There are dozens of other ads that I have not mentioned but I hope that brands and marketing agencies will stop exploiting feminism to make money while most of these creators might mock feminists in real life. Instead of hiring celebrities with the highest ranking, they could make female activists their brand ambassadors or at least hire someone in the field for consultation. These amazing women don’t have the reach that these companies have and sadly, this twisted brand of women empowerment is what the masses are learning about. That’s a problem. This is the time for feminist allies to make noise and share their disapproval of this brand of women empowerment that is taking us backwards instead of forwards.

Item Songs, Male Gaze & Media’s Portrayal of Women

I would like to start by saying that I respect women in the media who are struggling to make a place for themselves. It is no secret that they are offered poor choices to begin with and sometimes, they take what they get when they can get it. I mean, it won’t be long before we see Mehwish Hayat playing Humayun’s Saeed’s mother. Item songs remain a staple in desi films but the performers change pretty fast. Item girls have a “short shelf life” because whether she’s on your TV screen or sleeping in your bed, a woman is easily replaceable, right?   

Jhumka Gira Re Bareli Ke Bazaar Mein

(Mera Sayaa 1966)

No matter how poor a man is, he can always find entertainment in the form of a woman. Sadhna will steal your heart as the lively street dancer in the 1966 film, Mera Sayaa. She plays a double role in this thriller about a case of mistaken identity that has a happy ending. This popular item song is a whole other story or should I say, a story within a story. By now, you may have realized that “jhumka gira re” is an analogy for sex but wait! It gets messier. Listen closely to find the “jora jori” and “haatha pai” in their “pyar” and “takrar”. Only the second stanza indicates any form of consent on the woman’s end. The disgusting inquires of “phir kya hua?” just add to the discomfort of listening to a woman romanticize sexual abuse.  

Inhi Logon Ne

(Pakeezah 1972)

Fancy prostitute sounds a bit crass so we’ll go with charming courtesan for Meena Kumari’s Pakeezah. The song has not been directed to objectify her but the entire mood would make any woman uncomfortable. Pakeezah flits about the room charming every man while protecting herself from those who cross a line. The song is about her dupatta being made and a soldier snatching it in the market. Now, add the traditional concept of a woman’s dupatta representing her honour and read that again. The verse “snatched my dupatta” takes on a whole new meaning and it’s not surprising given her profession.

Kaanta Laga (Bangley Ke Peechay)

(Samadhi 1972)

The film is a love story of a dacoit and the dacoit kidnaps her but plot twist: she shoots him in the arm with his own rifle causing him to reflect on his actions and take her home but eventually they get married and he leaves his criminal lifestyle. An item song celebrating childbirth with female dancers and a mixed gathering making it a family setting. There are even children and an instance where Asha Parekh interacts with the child as she sings about getting impregnated by her lover and asking him to “save her”. I don’t think I need to explain which pointy object she is referring to as “kaanta”. Not exactly suitable for a family audience but hey, what the kids don’t know won’t hurt them.

(Plot source: https://memsaabstory.com/2011/03/25/samadhi-1972/)

Angroor Ka Daana

(Sanam Bewafa 1991)

This was the first time I heard this song and it’s safe to say that I will NEVER watch it again. Sanam Bewafa is a Romeo and Juliet type story of young love that blooms between children of feuding families. I don’t know why this item song was necessary but here it is so….

Angoor ka daana hoon.

Sui na chubha dena.

Sui jo chubahi,

Tou rass tapkeyga.

Jo rass tapka tou,..

Kiss. Miss.

Kismis(h) banjaungi!

Besides, the chorus, we have other standout verses like:

Angoor ki beti hoon.

Sharaab purani hoon.

Got to give them credit for this creativity.

Bonus: Chamak Cham Chamke Angoori Badan (Jaanwar 1999)

Chamma Chamma

(China Gate 1998)

The movie is about a group of Indian soldiers who have been court-martialed over the failed China Gate mission. They band together to bring down a notorious dacoit, who has been terrorizing and killing villagers. I have not watched the film but it doesn’t seem like there is a further context for this item song. It’s just there to add some spice. There’s nothing wrong with the lyrics but you can see the male gaze from the first second Urmila appears. It’s not that there isn’t great choreography and music, it’s just that the old men lusting after a young woman with a largely male audience are really creepy. Overall, it creates a strong vibe of women existing for male pleasure and I hate that.

Note: You might have expected songs like Neray Aa from Chooriyan (1998) but it turns out that this particular song wasn’t directed with the aim of objectification. Just like Kundi from Wrong No. (2015), the woman seduces an unwilling man, which is sexual harassment of the man but not female objectification. There was one surprise though: Moammer Rana slaps Nargis at the end of Neray Aa. As hard as it was to see her touching him inappropriately, I don’t think she deserved that slap. Meanwhile, “Laggayi kundi darwazey ki” shows a horny Sohai Ali Abro’s aggressive attempt to seduce an annoyed Danish Taimor but like Nargis, her performance is only for the man she wants to sleep with. You don’t see provocative closeups of her body in the middle of suggestive dance moves, even though there were plenty of opportunities to make that happen. Even their clothing is something you would see an average woman wear on the street. This is one of those low-key item/ sexy songs with a proper storyline about the characters.

Ve Gujra Ve

Jabroo Te Badmash (2004)

For the second but not the last time, we see Moammer Rana, the brooding Gujjar being romanced by a bold village maiden, but this time, he’s on a horse! They made Meera, who looks stunning by the way, run the entire song stopping only to shake her chest or butt. No doubt, the choreography has been created to emphasize the jiggle and the wiggle. It’s a bit hard to describe what’s happening but I’ll give it a go. Meera leans in front of the camera and sings, “Sohniya, dudh peetay ne kacchay!” with a well-timed popping move. There are also shots of someone throwing water on her from behind the camera and her writhing on piles of hay. Then there’s this part where she rubs her chest against some tree branches and pumps it right in Moammer Rana’s face. It doesn’t get more obvious than that. Respect for Meera for pulling off those impossible dance moves!    

Paindee Ae Barsaat Ve

Humayun Gujjar (2006)

You are probably familiar with the desi formula to create a sexy concept: never-ending rain, lots of staring, and deep sighs. This super hit Punjabi item song mostly employs the male gaze although there are scenes of romantic interaction between the couple. Moammer Rana pretends to be a statue while Sana begs him to stay the night in a soaked white crop top and laacha that leaves little to the imagination. You can see that objectifying the heroine is the main approach. There are separate shots of her dancing just for the benefit of the target audience and the angles are not that flattering if you know what I mean.

Billi

Na Maloom Afraad (2014)

I had to take a break halfway into the song because it was just that bad! It is obviously inspired by Bollywood item numbers like Munni Badnam Hui and Fevicol. There’s nothing remotely human about the character named Billi. She claims to be gutka, alcohol, a baaja, TV ratings, Afridi’s batting, live reporting of Veena’s wedding, a mattress, a flag, a kite, bathwater, electricity, and a tyre all-in-one. My head’s spinning. I’m tired. Look Billi baji, I understand that you enjoy getting played like a baaja but the rest of us women would really appreciate being seen as human beings. Undoubtedly, the biggest mistake of Mehwish Hayat’s career.

Tutti Fruiti

Karachi Se Lahore (2015)

My last brain cell is struggling to stay alive at this point so please bear with me.

Main karari karari hoon *breaks pappar in two*

Aa chuba le supari hoon *tears into Tulsi sachet*

You cannot be serious!

Jo bhula de sara jahan wo nasheeli booti hoon main

I cannot express how tired I am right now. It’s so bad. I cannot!

Khabon Mein

Kaaf Kangana (2019)

Written & directed by Khalil-ur-Rehman Qamar (naam tou sunna hoga), Kaaf Kangana is an ISPR project with the worst plot ever because they have so much extra money to spend after eradicating poverty and ensuring free education for every Pakistani. Please go check it out yourself. I cannot begin to explain how problematic it is. This awful item song is about Neelam Munir, a Bhatindey ki jawan larki, visiting Pakistan in a dream. Let us learn more about her experiences in Lahore.

Mundey Lahori mujhe rok rok ke,

Karte thay pyar chaati thok thok ke.

Ek tou kameena mujhe ghar legaya,

Ghar mein gayi tou wahan koi nahi tha.

Baaton mein aa ke baatein maan gayi re,

India mein bole saadi jaan gayi re.

I am so done with this shit.

Note: I didn’t want to write about Saba Qamar’s Kalabaaz (Lahore Se Aagey 2016) and Sadaf Kanwal’s Kaif-o-Suroor (Na Maloom Adraad 2017) separately. Here’s a quick comparison. I was expecting the latter to be messed up but surprisingly, it was just Sadaf Kanwal dancing in front of some not-Arabic thugs. Despite the clothing and the scene-setting, no attempts were made to objectify her. Kalabaaz, on the other hand, started by displaying Saba Qamar as a piece of lean meat with sequins sprinkled on top and it only got worse from there. Yasir Hussain was there too. I know, shocking!

Now, I want to show you three different versions of the same item song to explain how the male gaze or lack thereof in the direction transforms each of them.

Dilbar

Sirf Tum (1999)

The 1999 version of Dilbar is really just a fancy fashion shoot for Sushmita Sen with Sanjay Kapoor as a prop. The makeup, hair, styling, and locations are far more interesting than her body or dance moves. It is a sexy concept and there is a sexy highlight part like we used to have in Bollywood love songs back then but for the most part, Sushmita is not treated as an object.

Satyameva Jayate (2018)

That was painful to watch AND hear. This is how you destroy a classic. Not only is the song ruined but they turned Nora Fatehi into a cheap exotic dancer. Girly deserved so much better! She’s a great dancer and they didn’t bother to give her beautiful choreography or present her as the goddess that she is. John Abraham should have been on his knees worshipping her instead of her being draped over him like a feathery boa. What a stinking mess!

3EYE Dance and Vocal Cover (2019)

This is a choreography video for Dilbar (Satyameva Jayate 2018 version) by the Korean pop group 3EYE and as you can tell, they have sung it too. They kept the sexy concept and styling, complete with the veils, but what’s missing here is female objectification. We have some incredible dance moves that show off their talent and direction that doesn’t take away from their artistic expression. Now, this is how you do a remake! *cheers*

Lastly, I want to share a sexy concept that highlights woman empowerment instead of turning the female talent into a tandoori murghi or whatever.

Paradise Lost by Gain (2015)

Based on the Biblical story of the first sin, Gain’s Paradise Lost reinterprets the character of Hawwah, who was called the root of sin. It is sensuous, representing the first temptation and sinister, hinting at the whispers of the Devil as well as Hawwah’s inner dark side. The provocative choreography is inspired by a snake’s movements. This proves that a woman can be the heroine of her own story and express her sexuality at the same time. This Hawwah doesn’t perform for any man and she most certainly is not an object. Another wonderful song by Gain, Fxxk U ft. Bumkey, uses a sexy concept to call out rape disguised as love.  

As you can see, it’s all about intent. The humanity of women is suppressed and their representation in the media is limited to the objectification of the worst kind. When women tell their stories, we see a side of them that seems impossible to the average man. That’s why it so hard for them to digest the idea of a woman speaking her truth freely.

My Thoughts on Showgirls of Pakistan

My mother is pretty unhappy with WorldCall because their cable quality is just awful these days. There are hardly any channels for her to enjoy and she refuses to get the box to avoid “vulgar stage dramas” they air on their private channels. Everyone is familiar with the newspaper ads for these plays. Busty cleavages censored with black scribbles is a Pakistani trademark in entertainment ads. Now, this has been extended to blurring out these “earthquake-inducing” body parts in Turkish TV dramas. It’s not like we know what breasts look like. Pornhub who? Choli ke Peechay Kya Hai? I wouldn’t know! When I was a kid, I thought that stage drama actresses wore heavily padded bras, which they do, but major boob jobs are fairly obvious to my adult observation. Sometimes, we would go for drives on Sunday evenings around Lahore and I would see the theatres where these plays were performed. I always begged my father to take us to watch Hollywood movies (we only went to see Godzilla once!) but I never mentioned these insanely popular stage dramas.

Growing up, I heard whispers of Heera Mandi and its connection to actresses in the Pakistani media. I was told that people in the media were “not good” (Fun fact: I have close family working in the media for decades) and that we shouldn’t watch “vulgar content”. Just like the average Pakistani girl, my clothing, language, activities and personal choices were strictly policed. The slightest deviation would result in a severe scolding from my mother, who made a clear distinction between “good girls” and “bad girls”. In case it wasn’t abundantly clear from this whole introduction, I was taught that women in the media, especially stage drama actresses, were “bad girls”. Yet, stage dramas were openly advertised in our newspapers and everyone watched TV dramas and movies. We didn’t have dish TV but most 90’s kids grew up watching Indian TV shows and Bollywood films.    

After three decades of hearing “decent” Pakistanis bash stage actresses, I came across Showgirls of Pakistan. What an amazing piece of art! When people criticize Aurat March for being against our religion and culture, I think they’re feigning ignorance. This documentary calls out this hypocrisy by revealing the truth behind stage drama culture in Punjab, Pakistan. The “vulgarity” you see on these stages is approved by local ruling bodies including prestigious arts councils and respected Islamic scholars, without whose permission laws cannot be passed in this country. The actresses explained that the authorities monitor their performances in-person and take strict action if they find something “inappropriate”. Reema, an industry senior, was assaulted and banned by the representatives of these ruling bodies for such a violation during her performance.

Everything these actresses do is perfectly legal and closely monitored but they risk their lives every time they perform on stage. Death threats are the norm and men arrive at their shows armed to the teeth. From what I have gathered, this is more common in theaters outside Lahore. However, there have been numerous incidences of stage drama actresses being shot at venues and some of them have been murdered. As you might have guessed, some of these come under honour killings. The documentary reveals that influential men visit their shows and demand that they perform at their private parties. When the actresses refuse, threats of violence and murder begin to pour in. Being female celebrities, they are often the target of vicious campaigns to malign their character through leaked videos. Whether or not they are fake is a different story because the real problem here is a lack of consent.

Perhaps you are thinking that this backlash comes with the profession and if these women object to it, they should have chosen a different career. As Afreen questioned, “Is anyone feeding me? No!” Meanwhile, Uzma emphasized, “No one joins this profession because they enjoy it.” Afreen, Uzma and Reema are local “mujra” dancers we meet in Showgirls of Pakistan. We follow their lives as they struggle to survive in an industry created for the exploitation of women by men. Yes, not by choice but to make ends meet. We also get to see clips of other dancers and actresses besides these incredible women. The most striking scene for me was watching a group of men from the audience gang up on a dancer at a private party. They threw a cloth over her and proceeded to beat her up eventually throwing her to the floor. At one point, Afreen remarks that men think that they’ve “bought” them by offering a few coins. Knowing how the male-only audience treats these performers, it feels like they only see products, not humans.   

When Afreen’s father passed away, she became the breadwinner of the family. She was supported by her mother, who sadly, passed away early last year. She got married and had a daughter only to discover that her husband was just waiting to steal every penny she had earned. You may learn more about these terrible events here. Despite the horrors of her life, Afreen had dreams of releasing high quality music videos like her idol, Rihanna, and challenged her artistic abilities with daring stunts. Pouring her heart into her craft, it was heartwarming to see Afreen monitor her performances with her mother, happily pointing out the cheers.  

The other two dancers have similar stories, with Uzma being raised in extreme poverty where no one came to ask after about them though they were dying of hunger. She eloped when she was only 13 years old and had a daughter. Tragically, her in-laws did not accept her and her marriage fell apart. They still refuse to let her see her child, which is of course, illegal. Later, she fell in love with her “manager”, Imran, who organized dancers for private parties abroad. Explaining the system, she said that the dancers sent to Dubai, mostly Pakistani and Nepali, were locked in a room and only let out for the “show”. When Imran cheated on her and threatened her, it was inspiring to see the brave quick witted Uzma in action. Her story is one of resilience and courage in the face of the worst side of Pakistani society.

Reema is a lovely singer and possesses the kind of grace I aspire to attain someday. She offers a unique angle to the narrative of our local dancers since she is part of our transgender community. It’s no secret that khuwajasiras are often turned away by their families and forced into a lifestyle that no one would willingly choose. They are subjected to an alarming level of discrimination in our society. We follow Reema’s story as she tries to juggle her complicated love life, risky career and community politics. When Reema’s partner leaves her and she loses her place within her own community, she returns to the stage with a brilliant performance. Despite not having a choice in career, it’s heartening to see her passion for the arts. Fortunately, she gets the happy ending she always wanted as she reconciles with her partner and finds spiritual fulfillment.

Stage dancers like Reema have short careers but the audience, filled with men and teenage boys, never changes. In Pakistan, boys as young as 8 are introduced to manhood through porn and mujras. Their peers and elders teach them that consuming this content is the true meaning of being a man. Boys idolize their elders and never question their “wisdom” about manhood. So, they learn that the exploitation of women is their natural right. Instead of advice on adulting, these naïve minds are stuffed with crude swearwords degrading women and the narrative that women exist for the pleasure of men. Even if they don’t sexually harass their mothers and sisters, they still push them into domestic service. Most of these boys never “grow up” and continue to feed future generations the same rubbish.  

This is precisely why these men, who make up the majority of Pakistan’s male population, were shocked, angry and afraid to see women dancing at Aurat March 2021. They were shocked because these women weren’t dancing for male pleasure, angry because they couldn’t stop them and afraid because it meant that women didn’t exist solely to serve men anymore. They didn’t want women dancing for themselves. In case you haven’t watched those dances, I will share the stories behind them. Alina is a transwoman, who paid tribute to her fallen sisters with a dhamal on Bulley Shah’s Tere Ishq Nachaya. Sufism is a mystical form of Islam and dhamal is performed by people of all genders during the death anniversaries of Sufi saints at their shrines across Pakistan. Somehow, when a transwoman performed it at a protest for women’s rights, it suddenly became vulgar. I think every Pakistani grows up listening to folk songs like Daanah Pah Daanah. We witnessed a beautiful scene at Aurat March 2021 when women of different ages came together for a spontaneous dance on this popular Balochi anthem that speaks of the love a shepherd has for his land. Everyone takes great pride in choreographed performances of folk songs at cultural festivals organized by the government but suddenly, it became vulgar when women danced on one to celebrate womanhood at Aurat March. According to these largely male critics, “Why are women dancing while asking for their rights?” This tells us that most men are only used to seeing women in two states: crying from pain and performing for male pleasure. It disturbs them to find women in any other state and they simply refuse to accept that women may have an existence beyond this.

Until Pakistani men can see women as anything other than puppets, I am afraid women like Afreen, Uzma and Reema will continue to suffer and those of us who dance out of joy will have to endure character assassination. These men will keep complaining about earthquakes coming due to the indecency of women while they fill up the seats for the next mujra in town. They will yell about “gold diggers”, who ask for high Haq Mehr and salaries from potential grooms while ignoring the daughters of poor men. They will turn a blind eye to the brutal murders of stage dancers, claiming they had it coming, while jerking off to porn every night. They will demonize stage dancers and at the same time, they will refuse to pay their female employees equal wages and forbid women in their family from having careers. Men make the rules in a patriarchal society and they have the power to change the fates of these women. Yet, they leave a narrow path to exploitation for women who have no one to turn to for help. Men will never compromise on their entertainment and pleasure and so, the suffering of these women may end only on the Day of Judgement.   

Chickens, Wolves & Desi Patriarchy

I’d like to start off with a sincere apology to chickens, turtles, honeycombs, oranges and lollipops everywhere. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you were sexualized and used in unoriginal misogynist campaigns led by desi men who wanted an excuse to rape women. You have been threatened with drowning, dismemberment and mindless slaughter in the process. Oh, and I would like to state for the record that we love ALL bees and there is so such thing as a “filthy filthy bee”. #AllBeesMatter

Last month, the traffic police of Mansehra district (KPK) barred girls and women from sitting in the front seat of school vans because parents were angry about their children being harassed by the drivers. We all know that around the same percentage of boys are sexually abused but of course, we will not talk about it because……..okay, I got nothing! Maybe we can ask Imran Khan about that sometime. He’ll probably reply along the lines of “I don’t know anything about this”. I cannot imagine what measures our society would be willing to take to protect boys and men. So far, we have seen chaadar, chaar deewari and front-seat bans for girls and women. I don’t think they will apply the same rules for the other gender. After all, “this happens to boys and men too” is only used to suppress the voices of women and girls who speak out against the sexual abuse they have faced. I guess men don’t want to risk tripping over abayas or stay cooped up all day. It’s not like we’re going through a pandemic. Oh, wait!

Hassan Khilde Bajwa, the Feminist Dad, spoke out against this new rule and he received backlash (obviously from men) with a colourful variety of mansplaining. One guy said and I quote, “ all aside the Mansehra decision is really appreciated the men become wolves who are deprived of marriage (and even twice married guy can also be a rapist like in motorway incident culprit abid) and they watch p*** all day long or soft p*** like music vids now a days and perpetrators are also joining such fields where they can find women vulnerable to their actions like rickshaws, vans etc, you don’t cage a chicken with a wolf to check how long he controls his instinct

At least that’s what I think”.

May we have a round of applause for our staunch male ally, Shakeel Baloch? No one? Alrighty, then! I never knew IU’s Marshmallow was soft p*** but okay. We learn new things every day, huh? I yelled at him in all caps and didn’t bother checking any reply he may have written. I’m so over this mindless mansplaining. Do these people realize just how offensive this narrative is to men? They are pushing the idea that men are born with an instinct to rape women and children. So, are you saying that you are a potential rapist, Sir? I think this is the perfect time to use #NotAllMen. On one end, they point out that men rape due to sexual deprivation and then they contradict themselves by giving examples of married men who are rapists. What are they trying to prove? I don’t get it.

We are not animals. We are humans. We are not living in cages. We are living in a free world. Men are not predators. Women are not prey. Children are not prey. We are all born equal. If men looked past their insecurities, they would be able to accept this. Instead, they are terrified that women will realize that they are in no way inferior to men simply because of their gender. That is why they pit women against each other and promote the concept that “women are the worst enemies of women”. Moreover, how do you expect men to act like humans when you keep referring to them as animals? Similarly, how do you expect men to see women as humans when you constantly objectify them with lame comparisons to animals, fruit and candy? An interesting video showing the contrast between Norwegian and American prisons

revealed that the greatest progress was achieved when the prisoners were treated humanely. What does that tell you? Even criminals upgrade their moral compass when they are respected as human beings. We’re not even talking about criminals in Pakistan, just average men. Teach a man self respect and he won’t resort to petty misogyny to overcome insecurities that come from feeling less than human.

I am aware that men pretend to be ignorant of these realities and need to be called out. No more tolerance for these rape apologists from my end. I’m done.

Honest Reaction to Rishta Profiles

Hello! I hope your week is going great but if you’re down with a case of the Thursday blues, maybe this will make you laugh. So, my mother forwards me rishta profiles on Whatsapp sometimes but last night, she was feeling a bit too enthusiastic about my wedding and sent four all at once. Luckily, they turned out to be hilarious and I lay there in bed guffawing in the middle of the night. Of course, the point of this post is not to make fun of these people but to highlight the shallow toxic trends of society related to matchmaking. This is not a criticism of the family rather the matchmaking groups that demand that you write the details of your residence. It’s understandable that the woman’s family would want to know about the house their daughter might be living in but it ends up being humiliating for the man’s family. Nowadays, your social status is heavily associated with the housing society you reside in. A simple phone call would suffice to learn about the living conditions of the man’s family. Another thing I despise is adding the information about that person’s siblings from marital status to education. There are categories titled brother, sister, married sister, married brother, etc. That kind of private information should not be shared publicly, that too without their consent. Again, if you want to know who will be sharing the house with your daughter, just make a quick phone call. What does the siblings’ education and career have to do with the candidate’s marriage? This goes for both male and female profiles. It just appears to be an opportunity to brag about your other kids’ achievements. It’s the weirdest thing! If that wasn’t enough, I noticed an amusing trend in the profiles I read last night. When showing off the siblings’ achievements, the siblings who aren’t doctors or lawyers aren’t mentioned when the candidate himself belonged to these professions.

One of the candidates grew up in the UK and was described as someone who prays regularly and likes to stay fit. His family seemed quite concerned about his life in this world and the Hereafter. That would have been pleasant if they hadn’t specifically mentioned looking for an educated, slim and attractive woman. One would have assumed they would say something about the woman’s personality or religious beliefs but nope, they know what’s truly important for a happy Hereafter. A woman labeled “ugly” by society need not apply because she will make him miserable and hinder his path to Heaven. Another UK based gentleman was 34 years old and demanded a woman between 26 to 30 years of age. This just goes to show that living in a progressive country has zero effect on typical desi mentality. People would say that he has a “right” to demand a woman of a significantly younger age bracket similar to how women want a financially stable man to provide for them and their children. Apples and oranges but this is the concept of gender equality in Pakistan. It makes no difference to men that reserving value to a certain age group of women for marriage takes women their own age out of the equation. They simply wish to enjoy being the master of a much younger wife who would be easy to command as opposed to a wife their own age. Everyone knows that such large gaps increase the risk of domestic abuse due to a power imbalance. Still, women under 30 are sold the lie that men in their 30s are “mature” and “stable” in comparison to men their own age. This trend has resulted in countless broken hearts and forced marriages but hey, at least society approves of your marriage.

We’ve seen that the requirements of the man’s family often include a lengthy description of the potential bride’s appearance but have you noticed a rising trend in flowery descriptions of the man’s appearance? Some common qualities are slim, athletic, handsome, fair and tall. Usually, men with a height of 6ft or more are considered tall but people also call their 5ft 10inches sons tall in Pakistan. They have to impress upon you what an amazing catch their son is even if the woman herself is fairly tall at 5ft 7inches. I find it ridiculous when men are described to be fair in rishta profiles because it’s like they’ve won the genetic lottery! In fact, fairness is a universal beauty standard but has nothing to do with attraction based on sexual dimorphism. As if ruining their daughters’ lives with colourism wasn’t enough, Pakistanis are determined to make their sons suffer too. I don’t understand why the man’s family thinks that potential brides are interested in knowing their level of attraction towards their own son or brother. Should we be expecting some kind of twisted incestuous love triangles in our married lives? Preferences in beauty are highly personal even with the popularity of cultural beauty standards. I mean, I don’t want to know how hot you find your son/ brother. That’s so creepy! I forgot to mention that photos were not included in these rishta profiles.

Lastly, I have a small tip for aspiring rishta profile writers. Please don’t write “handsome salary” in male rishta profiles. I seriously felt like that was a job ad! In conclusion, the objectification of all genders in our matchmaking culture needs to end. Men are not merely providers and women are not showpieces. Also, please spare your other children when searching for a match for one of them. Do you like the format of rishta profiles in Pakistan? Let me know in the comments.        

Voiceless and Violated: Ella’s Story

We live in a world where gangs creating child pornography get away with their crimes. It shouldn’t come as a surprise when animal abuse goes largely unnoticed. Thanks to the tireless efforts of animal shelters and animal welfare organizations in Pakistan things are slowly changing. Unfortunately, they have reported a significant increase in cases of abandonment and assault during the countrywide lock down especially due to the misinformation about coronavirus. It is important to clarify that you cannot get it from cats or dogs but they can get it from you. Within this chaos, Ella’s story has emerged as a grim reminder of human depravity and the pathetic state of laws against animal abuse in Pakistan. Hint: there are none.

A few days ago, JFK Animal Rescue and Shelter on Facebook (@justiceforkiki1) posted about a dog and her puppies that she was going to rescue. This brave soul had hidden her five puppies to protect them from her rapists. Yes, you read that correctly. Ella was raised for rape by her “owners” and she’s not the only one. We have no idea how many puppies live through this horror until the day they die just within this particular area. Rescue volunteers have reported a strange attitude within this community that made them feel unsafe. The people there didn’t want Ella and her puppies to be taken away. After a huge argument, they stepped aside and all five puppies were saved rather than two being left behind as they had insisted. The shelter was responding to a call from an amazing lady from that area who had been monitoring the rapists for a year. She is determined to get justice for Ella and dogs who are suffering similarly. Despite reporting to the police, no action could be taken due to the lack of laws and evidence. This fearless lady, Kulsoom, and her sister are currently trying to gather evidence to expose the rapists. Since the last incident happened around four months ago, there weren’t any apparent signs of rape that would show up in a medical report.

They told the rescue team that five teenage boys have been taking her to empty shops and subjecting her to gang rape. These monsters tied up her muzzle and legs to prevent any escape attempts or protests. These ladies revealed that Ella had a mate that was killed by these boys and thrown in the gutter. It was heartbreaking to learn that three other puppies of Ella had already been abused and killed. Moreover, there was another dog before Ella who had been brutally raped to the point of death by these monsters and thrown in a dirty canal nearby. Another rescue organization found two abused puppies with broken jaws in the same area. They were given medical aid and are recovering right now. This is not a coincidence. Any place that tolerates animal abuse becomes a hub for such inhumane activities. Not only are these individuals committing such atrocities alone but entire groups are entertaining themselves by raping and assaulting defenseless street animals.

You might feel like this problem exists only in third world countries like Pakistan but so-called humans have learned to commercialize the pain of other living creatures through disgusting animal porn. This “product” has millions of consumers worldwide and it is readily available to everyone just like child pornography and “rape porn”. Our society has normalized pornography and it consumed by a huge population of teenagers (minors) and adults in Pakistan. Most people aren’t even aware of the link between sex trafficking and pornography. They cannot identify videos made from hidden cameras and lack of consent between the participants on-screen. A quick search proves that pornography is rife with the concepts of child abuse, incest and rape. In fact, these are extremely popular and porn websites don’t take action against videos uploaded without consent. You will find a lot of information on such cases if you Google it. In a country where marital rape is not criminalized, one doesn’t hold much hope for awareness about porn.

Why did I just go on a rant against porn? Well, our self-righteous nation doesn’t realize the dangerous effects of watching porn even if it is scripted. Besides addiction to masturbation and wrecking your sex life, it reduces the value of the humans on-screen to products available for purchase. This means that we don’t even equate watching naked people have sex to cheating on our spouses. On the other hand, we are furious when our spouse stares at another person with lust in their eyes or we catch them flirting with a colleague over text messages. Our sense of humanity and human relationships is so messed up that we have created our own version of reality that is far from the truth. The person we know or see in front of us is human but not those naked people on screen. Those are products! Domestic abuse has skyrocketed since the lock down begin with no escape for the victims. As Ayesha from ACF pointed out in her Facebook Live this week, animal abuse serves an indicator of violence against humans because those who abuse animals “graduate” to humans in a short span of time. It cannot get any worse than this. No wonder we treat animals as if they were objects.

For now, Ella and her puppies are safe at Todd’s Welfare Society (@TWSPakistan) but there are countless others like her who continue to suffer and die at the hands of the heartless. What can you do about this? Educate yourself, spread awareness, support welfare organizations, report abuse and teach others around you to care for animals. These lessons should be taught from a young age to empower the next generation and protect voiceless animals.

 

 

When the Hijab is a Burden

Nearly 1400 years ago, the worst society in human history turned into the best one all because one revolutionary dared to be different.

“Allah will not be merciful to those who are not merciful to people.” – (Sahih Al-Bukhari 6941, Sahih Muslim 2319)

Good things will come to you if you are good to others. It goes without saying that one should at least refrain from actively hurting others if we cannot show them kindness. This hadith reveals that Allah’s mercy doesn’t extend to those who don’t show other’s mercy. While passing judgment is reserved for appointed officials, we are not required to go out of our way to be kind to generally unkind people.

How is this related to the hijab? Mercy is the foundation of Islam and an integral part of every concept in our religion including the hijab. As you are aware, the style of covering for Muslim women like many other Islamic rulings has a historical context. According to my understanding, men and women around the world traditionally covered their heads during that time. Even today, you will see them in the traditional clothing of every region. Allah’s wisdom can be seen through this because no matter where a Muslim woman went, she would never fall below the moral standards of that region. It is important to note that there is no legal punishment for women who don’t cover their heads. Keep that in mind before you decide to judge a Muslim woman for her choice in clothing despite the fact that Allah Forbade us from passing judgments on character in this manner.

It is no secret that Muslim women are constantly slut shamed for not adhering to the wardrobe preferences of the person in front of them. However, I want to talk about our hijabi sisters first because their stories are heartbreaking and rarely gain attention. A long time ago, a proposal came for me and the man’s mother did not want her daughter-in-law to wear hijab. The reason she gave was that living in the US as a hijabi was dangerous. There’s no doubt that anti-Muslim sentiment in the West were strong at time and have only grown worse. However, an overwhelming majority considers hijab a direct command of Allah and billions of Muslim women wear it to please Him. There were some important things that lady chose to overlook. What if her daughter-in-law chose to wear the hijab later on in life? What if she got attacked for her Muslim name, acts of worship or race? Islam is a way of life and there are a million things that can identify you as a Muslim. Needless to say, I was pretty angry at her illogical prejudice towards the hijab and refused even though I don’t wear it myself. In another instance, a non-hijabi friend of mine got married to a man living in the UK who agreed marry a Pakistani woman but not a hijabi because that type was too conservative. Of course, that grated on my nerves as well especially since there are a kazillion progressive hijabis and a piece of cloth does not represent your level of piety. I’ve heard time and time again the sick treatment of hijabis by matchmakers who claim that hijabis can’t land good proposals unless they remove their hijabs. Well, that makes zero sense to a decent person but please allow me to elaborate. Rishta culture in Pakistan is based on judging the suitability of a potential wife in two ways: money and looks. A hijabi or niqabi chooses to conceal her beauty for the sake of Allah. They are not comfortable removing their hijabs or niqabs in front of the potential husband’s family particularly since male family members tag along uninvited. A common custom is to “check out” the woman’s beauty by asking her parents for pictures. Quite convenient to reject an “ugly” woman so you won’t have to waste time eating free food at her home. This behaviour is not limited to rishta culture. You will frequently see hijabis being mocked as “behn jee” and “maasi”. These are the some of the nicer words both men and women use to bully them. There are husbands who demand that their wives cover up more and then openly lust after women who dress the opposite. On the other hand, there are men who force their wives to take off their hijabs after marriage because they don’t look “attractive” with it as if she were a showpiece. It is perfectly fine to have your preferences in a life partner but your preference becomes meaningless once it infringes on another’s rights. Women are human beings and they can decide to cover up or remove their hijab at any time. This should never be a deal breaker when choosing a wife. You might think that teachers practice good values like equality but that is not always the case. A hijabi friend of mine enrolled in a Masters degree at a prestigious women’s college and one of the subjects was taught by an appalling man. He was extremely prejudiced against hijabis and niqabis going as far as to fail them in that subject. My friend and others like her tried to put up with his gross behaviour but eventually, my friend left that degree unfinished and enrolled elsewhere. What’s more alarming is that men have this idea that hijabi women are “tame” and easier targets for sexual abuse. There’s an endless list of incidents where women covered from head to toe have been sexually harassed on the street. The attitude our society has towards hijabis is absolutely disgusting and needs to change like yesterday.

There’s a strange misinterpretation of the verse that talks about a Muslim woman’s attire in the Quran. People have the impression that covering yourself a certain way will somehow protect you from being sexually abused and automatically give you respect in society. I’ve spent this whole time describing the injustice hijabis face in this country so it’s obvious that the respect part is false. Coming to the claim of protection, there’s literally no evidence to support it and a colossal pile of rape cases exist that prove otherwise. Sticking to this flimsy claim, we have now arrived at the most disturbing belief: women who don’t cover their heads are fair game for rapists because “they had it coming”. Please note that this belief extends to all forms of clothing considered “indecent” by the person who boldly shares this idea. This is victim blaming at its finest and there are dozens of logical arguments against it that I don’t even have to repeat. The mere thought that someone deserves to be raped is mindboggling and when connected to clothing, it is a miracle the human brain stays intact through this storm of stupidity. Women are groped and catcalled during the Tawaf right in front of the Kabah by men who are apparently there for worship. We can see how the hijab is directly connected to rape culture in the Muslim world. It has been turned into a weapon to slut shame women who don’t wear it and justify the horrific sexual abuse they have endured. The Ummah is at its lowest point in history because of sectarian division yet we have the audacity to blame it on the attire of Muslim women.

The hijab is a blessing. Stop turning it into a burden.

 

 

Book Review: The Dark Ruse by Ashutosh Bansode

Trigger Warning: child abuse

Hey! Today I will be reviewing a short story, The Dark Ruse, by Ashutosh Bansode which was published along with four other books in Daastan’s The Stories Untold-Season 4 #IAmZainab. As you might have guessed, theme of this competition was child abuse in all its forms. Daastan chose to spread social awareness after Zainab’s case came to light in the media.

The Dark Ruse tells the story of a perfectly ordinary family consisting of loving supportive parents and two bright children who face a terrible tragedy despite living in the best environment. What most people fail to understand is that darkness finds everyone in the most unexpected of ways. It’s important to be on your guard 24/7 especially when children are involved. The path to impenetrable darkness is a very slippery slope. You’ll never know when or how you got there.

Rahul is an average teenager who suddenly starts showing signs that all is not alright in his life. Many parents don’t take teenagers seriously because they feel like their heightened emotions cause them to act out. In this case, Rahul’s parents note the changes and decide to investigate. The question is, are they too late?

The progression of this story was simply wonderful and the author did an amazing job at the toughest part. What surprised me was that “zoom out” in the end where you went from the story of one boy to the story of millions of victims and survivors around the world. It jolts you. The big picture is a perspective that the general public takes too lightly. They think of cases as numbers. They don’t think of them as people who lived and breathed just like them. They don’t think about the loved ones who will forever bear the trauma of that loss. Those who survived need our understanding and support. They are not to be pitied. They deserve love and comfort which will push away the deep darkness that they were thrown into.

On this note, I would like to praise how well the author presented the fears and horrors of the trials these children face. People are hesitant to read books on this subject but you can see that it doesn’t have to be crude. Authors can make an impact without using these issues as plot devices or shock factors. A delicate topic like this meant to be handled sensibly. I applaud the author for their considerate touch.

You can read The Dark Ruse online at Mera Qissa and purchase it there too.