Lilian Nattel's Blog, page 80

*Behind Her Mask in Afghanistan

"I told my father I didn't want to marry him: 'why are you doing this to me?' My father said 'you are of an age to be married and this is my decision, not yours.'"

This is what Saraya said on a new tv show in Kabul, Afghanistan, her face hidden behind a mask painted blue and white. She went on to tell more about her life, forced at 15 to marry a known sex offender, age 58. After they were married, he brought women to the house for the purpose of raping them. Her youngest, age 4, asked Saraya why the women were there. Fearing for her daughter, Saraya decided to take her 3 children and flee.

In the control room people wept. Among the religious and legal experts in the audience, one stood up to say, "Your marriage at such a young age to such an older man is against Islam. His behavior is against Islam and against the law." But that view does not conform to the reality of many women's lives in Afghanistan.

The reality tv show is called, "Niqab"–Mask. It is the brainchild of Sami Mahdi, inspired by the quiet courage of his own mother and the many women like her. It is a new idea, and I hope, a revolutionary one. Surely when the voices of suffering are heard, people will be moved to change.

Someday it might even be safe to put down the mask, to be seen as well as heard.

Full story here.

Filed under: Politics & Economy Tagged: muslim women speak out, Niqab tv, violence against women in Aghanistan

Behind Her Mask in Afghanistan

"I told my father I didn't want to marry him: 'why are you doing this to me?' My father said 'you are of an age to be married and this is my decision, not yours.'"

This is what Saraya said on a new tv show in Kabul, Afghanistan, her face hidden behind a mask painted blue and white. She went on to tell more about her life, forced at 15 to marry a known sex offender, age 58. After they were married, he brought women to the house for the purpose of raping them. Her youngest, age 4, asked Saraya why the women were there. Fearing for her daughter, Saraya decided to take her 3 children and flee.

In the control room people wept. Among the religious and legal experts in the audience, one stood up to say, "Your marriage at such a young age to such an older man is against Islam. His behavior is against Islam and against the law." But that view does not conform to the reality of many women's lives in Afghanistan.

The reality tv show is called, "Niqab"–Mask. It is the brainchild of Sami Mahdi, inspired by the quiet courage of his own mother and the many women like her. It is a new idea, and I hope, a revolutionary one. Surely when the voices of suffering are heard, people will be moved to change.

Someday it might even be safe to put down the mask, to be seen as well as heard.

Full story here.

Filed under: Politics & Economy Tagged: violence against women in Aghanistan

*Academia: Wanted–Balls

Professors Michelle Hebl and Randi Martin along with their graduate student Juan Madera at Rice University have been studying how reference letters differ for men and women and how these differences affect their chances of obtaining an academic position.

The upshot (controlling for publications and all that) is that women are said to be nice and helpful (communal) while men are bold and daring (agentic). Even when names are removed from the letters, those who are doing the hiring prefer ballsy.

"We found that being communal is not valued in academia," said Martin, the Elma Schneider Professor of Psychology at Rice. "The more communal characteristics mentioned, the lower the evaluation of the candidate."…Words in the communal category included adjectives such as affectionate, helpful, kind, sympathetic, nurturing, tactful and agreeable, and behaviors such as helping others, taking direction well and maintaining relationships. Agentic adjectives included words such as confident, aggressive, ambitious, dominant, forceful, independent, daring, outspoken and intellectual, and behaviors such as speaking assertively, influencing others and initiating tasks.

Furthermore there was more hesitancy in the reference letters written for a woman, who "might make an excellent leader," while men were said to be excellent leaders.

I'd be interested to know whether the age of the letter writers and letter readers is a factor. I can only hope that the next generation won't see men and women in such stereotypical terms, and that the value of niceness will go up. Why should daring be at the expense of cooperation and connection?

I so dislike this whole dog eat dog approach. I imagine that it's self-perpetuating. Those of a certain mind-set choose others like themselves, maintaining a culture where adversarial relations are assumed to be normal and desirable. But I do question it, in academia and society in general. It doesn't have to be either/or. It can be and-and.

Full story here.

Filed under: Nature & Science Tagged: gender and hiring in university, gender research at Rice University, hiring practises in academia

Academia: Wanted–Balls

Professors Michelle Hebl and Randi Martin along with their graduate student Juan Madera at Rice University have been studying how reference letters differ for men and women and how these differences affect their chances of obtaining an academic position.

The upshot (controlling for publications and all that) is that women are said to be nice and helpful (communal) while men are bold and daring (agentic). Even when names are removed from the letters, those who are doing the hiring prefer ballsy.

"We found that being communal is not valued in academia," said Martin, the Elma Schneider Professor of Psychology at Rice. "The more communal characteristics mentioned, the lower the evaluation of the candidate."…Words in the communal category included adjectives such as affectionate, helpful, kind, sympathetic, nurturing, tactful and agreeable, and behaviors such as helping others, taking direction well and maintaining relationships. Agentic adjectives included words such as confident, aggressive, ambitious, dominant, forceful, independent, daring, outspoken and intellectual, and behaviors such as speaking assertively, influencing others and initiating tasks.

Furthermore there was more hesitancy in the reference letters written for a woman, who "might make an excellent leader," while men were said to be excellent leaders.

I'd be interested to know whether the age of the letter writers and letter readers is a factor. I can only hope that the next generation won't see men and women in such stereotypical terms, and that the value of niceness will go up. Why should daring be at the expense of cooperation and connection?

I so dislike this whole dog eat dog approach. I imagine that it's self-perpetuating. Those of a certain mind-set choose others like themselves, maintaining a culture where adversarial relations are assumed to be normal and desirable. But I do question it, in academia and society in general. It doesn't have to be either/or. It can be and-and.

Full story here.

Filed under: Nature & Science Tagged: hiring practises in academia

*Kobo Review

The good: I can read faster on it. The bad: I have opacities (aka cataracts) too small to do anything about, but my eyes get tired. I would like better contrast.

The good: I can download free books and am enjoying that hugely. The bad: I can't bookmark pages or mark passages. It's cumbersome to flip back to an earlier page to share with A.

The good: small, portable, easy to pick up. The good: it doesn't replace paper books. The good: I downloaded The Good solider for a Goodreads discussion group. The good: I put A Widow's Tale on hold at the library Thursday and it arrived via email Friday, though the library is closed.

I'm looking forward to future improvements, better contrast, more options. My wish list: bookmarking, note taking, hyperlinks. I know that these are available in the Ipad, which some people love, but I find that my laptop is too distracting, and the LCD screen not as good for sustained reading as the e-ink used in the Kobo reader.

Bottom line: kobo is recommended. Also recommended: Calibre Software, which is free, better and easier than Adobe. It even turns news into ebooks, though I haven't tried that yet. If you don't have an ereader, you can still use Calibre on your computer to download and read digital books that you can't find in paper.

Home Made Kobo Case

And as a final bonus, I sewed my own case for it. This is my first sewing project in ages, so it's a good thing I left plenty of margin for plenty of errors! But it works and made use of a vest I love but no longer fits.

And a shout-out to Rachel at Indigo Books: thanks so much for the cardboard! It worked perfectly.

Filed under: Literature, sewing Tagged: compare ereaders, kobo and case, sewing ereader case

Kobo Review

The good: I can read faster on it. The bad: I have opacities (aka cataracts) too small to do anything about, but my eyes get tired. I would like better contrast.

The good: I can download free books and am enjoying that hugely. The bad: I can't bookmark pages or mark passages. It's cumbersome to flip back to an earlier page to share with A.

The good: small, portable, easy to pick up. The good: it doesn't replace paper books. The good: I downloaded The Good solider for a Goodreads discussion group. The good: I put A Widow's Tale on hold at the library Thursday and it arrived via email Friday, though the library is closed.

I'm looking forward to future improvements, better contrast, more options. My wish list: bookmarking, note taking, hyperlinks. I know that these are available in the Ipad, which some people love, but I find that my laptop is too distracting, and the LCD screen not as good for sustained reading as the e-ink used in the Kobo reader.

Bottom line: recommended. Also recommended: Calibre Software, which is free, better and easier than Adobe. It even turns news into ebooks, though I haven't tried that yet. If you don't have an ereader, you can still use Calibre on your computer to download and read digital books that you can't find in paper.

Home Made Kobo Case

And as a final bonus, I sewed my own case for it. This is my first sewing project in ages, so it's a good thing I left plenty of margin for plenty of errors! But it works and made use of a vest I love but no longer fits.

And a shout-out to Rachel at Indigo Books: thanks so much for the cardboard! It worked perfectly.

Filed under: Literature, sewing Tagged: kobo and case

*A Word for 2011

At the suggestion of Jemma at Exilicchaplain (now in Beijing), who got the idea from Abbey of the Arts, I considered what word I could take into 2011 to stay with me for the year.

Some words that other people came up with are: open-hearted, become, rootedness, movement (see Jemma's blog for how interesting that one turned out to be!), kindness, intention, dwell, liberty, flexibility, light-hearted, befriend.

I, of many words, didn't think that one would suffice. I mean a single word to contemplate all year? No, not possible. But even so, knowing how I love words and their importance in my life, I wanted to give it a try. So yesterday morning, after skating and between laundry loads, before cleaning or taking my kids on an expedition to a bookstore, I made time to meditate.

I thought of several words, very good ones, but I waited until I settled into the stillness, wanting to give all of myself time to connect with the light. And when I was there, a word did come to me, and I knew it was the right word, the needed one, and that I could, in fact, contemplate it for a year or longer.

The word is "now."

Now, I am here.

Now is not then.

What is around me now?

What calls to me now?

What do I see, hear, taste, smell, feel now?

There is love, now.

Filed under: My Life, Spirituality Tagged: choosing a word to inspire, listening for the words

A Word for 2011

At the suggestion of Jemma at Exilicchaplain (now in Beijing), who got the idea from Abbey of the Arts, I considered what word I could take into 2011 to stay with me for the year.

Some words that other people came up with are: open-hearted, become, rootedness, movement (see Jemma's blog for how interesting that one turned out to be!), kindness, intention, dwell, liberty, flexibility, light-hearted, befriend.

I, of many words, didn't think that one would suffice. I mean a single word to contemplate all year? No, not possible. But even so, knowing how I love words and their importance in my life, I wanted to give it a try. So yesterday morning, after skating and between laundry loads, before cleaning or taking my kids on an expedition to a bookstore, I made time to meditate.

I thought of several words, very good ones, but I waited until I settled into the stillness, wanting to give all of myself time to connect with the light. And when I was there, a word to come to me, and I knew it was the right word, the needed one, and that I could, in fact, contemplate it for a year or longer.

The word is "now."

Now, I am here.

Now is not then.

What is around me now?

What calls to me now?

What do I see, hear, taste, smell, feel now?

There is love, now.

Filed under: My Life, Spirituality Tagged: listening for the words

Monday…Wait, Friday Experiment: Values IV

Cute Kids in Children's Costumes, originally uploaded by epSos.de.

 

I've noticed one obvious thing about my experiment to write about my values each week until the end of the year. Every week it's taken me longer! I started out with the intention to write Saturday, type Sunday and post Monday.

Here it is Friday and I'm just winging it! This is par for the course. That's why I am not making any New Year's resolution. However I'm here and better late than never.

The fourth of the principles I live by is protect the children. Here's an example. Last week on Wednesday morning, my brother-in-law phoned while I was still in bed. You might say WTF as you picked up the phone (I did). But he'd heard on the news that the Maple Leafs would be practising that day at an outdoor rink in the city.

The Maple Leafs are a losing hockey team beloved by Torontonians. In fact it's said that our love keeps them lousy because tickets are always sold out and so there isn't much financial incentive to improve the team. My older d is a big hockey fan. My younger d is game for anything.

So, after I'd done what I needed to do and taken too long about it, I headed out with them, walking at a brisk pace because (crap!) I'd left late and didn't want them to miss anything. The rink was about a 45 minute walk from our house. It was a cold day but not bitterly so. I was pretty warm by the time we got there.

As it turned out, the Leafs weren't coming on yet. We had to watch some minor league hijinks, listen to various speeches (including the mayor's–he got booed). Then the Leafs came on the ice while we all cheered. My younger d was a good sport and my older d was in heaven as the players made sure to skate close to the fence so everyone got a good look at their good looks. (This was a side benefit for me–they were pretty cute and obviously having a great time skating and shooting pucks.)

Behind me stood a clutch of noisy young men in their late teens or early 20′s, fans and would be paparazzi shouting at the players to turn so they could email pics to their friends or FB or whatever. They towered over me (all 5'2″) and they were annoyingly loud. I put up with them until the players started throwing pucks over the fence.

Fredrik S.

As Fredrik Sjostrom skated right in front of us, a puck in his hand, I pointed to my kids, saying "Throw it to the girls." Fred smiled and threw it right over the fence. Right then, the guy behind me, reached up to grab it. He didn't realize that just wasn't happening. This was for the kids. Apparently I yelled, "Let the girls have it, you idiots!"

I don't remember that, but I do remember knocking his arm because he asked, bewildered, "Why did you do that?" And I replied, "They're little girls, let them have it."

And it turned out that he and his friends weren't such bad sorts at all, because they didn't put up a fuss about it. You know, it's all about the kids, isn't it?

Filed under: Art & Photography, My Life Tagged: protect the children

*Publishing 2010, Oops 1920

From Chapter 1, The Haunted Bookshop, by Christopher Morley:

"My name is Aubrey Gilbert," said the young man. "I am representing the Grey-Matter Advertising Agency. I want to discuss with you the advisability of your letting us handle your advertising account, prepare snappy copy for you, and place it in large circulation mediums. Now the war's over, you ought to prepare some constructive campaign for bigger business."

The bookseller's face beamed. He put down his cook-book, blew an expanding gust of smoke, and looked up brightly.

"My dear chap," he said, "I don't do any advertising."

"Impossible!" cried the other, aghast as at some gratuitous indecency.

"Not in the sense you mean. Such advertising as benefits me most is done for me by the snappiest copywriters in the business."

"I suppose you refer to Whitewash and Gilt?" said Mr. Gilbert wistfully.

"Not at all. The people who are doing my advertising are Stevenson, Browning, Conrad and Company."

"Dear me," said the Grey-Matter solicitor. "I don't know that agency at all. Still, I doubt if their copy has more pep than ours."

"I don't think you get me. I mean that my advertising is done by the books I sell. If I sell a man a book by Stevenson or Conrad, a book that delights or terrifies him, that man and that book become my living advertisements."

"But that word-of-mouth advertising is exploded," said Gilbert. "You can't get Distribution that way. You've got to keep your trademark before the public."

"By the bones of Tauchnitz!" cried Mifflin. "Look here, you wouldn't go to a doctor, a medical specialist, and tell him he ought to advertise in papers and magazines? A doctor is advertised by the bodies he cures. My business is advertised by the minds I stimulate. And let me tell you that the book business is different from other trades. People don't know they want books. I can see just by looking at you that your mind is ill for lack of books but you are blissfully unaware of it! People don't go to a bookseller until some serious mental accident or disease makes them aware of their danger. Then they come here. For me to advertise would be about as useful as telling people who feel perfectly well that they ought to go to the doctor. Do you know why people are reading more books now than ever before? Because the terrific catastrophe of the war has made them realize that their minds are ill. The world was suffering from all sorts of mental fevers and aches and disorders, and never knew it. Now our mental pangs are only too manifest. We are all reading, hungrily, hastily, trying to find out—after the trouble is over—what was the matter with our minds."

The little bookseller was standing up now, and his visitor watched him with mingled amusement and alarm.

"You know," said Mifflin, "I am interested that you should have thought it worth while to come in here. It reinforces my conviction of the amazing future ahead of the book business. But I tell you that future lies not merely in systematizing it as a trade. It lies in dignifying it as a profession. It is small use to jeer at the public for craving shoddy books, quack books, untrue books. Physician, cure thyself! Let the bookseller learn to know and revere good books, he will teach the customer. The hunger for good books is more general and more insistent than you would dream. But it is still in a way subconscious. People need books, but they don't know they need them. Generally they are not aware that the books they need are in existence."

"Why wouldn't advertising be the way to let them know?" asked the young man, rather acutely.

"My dear chap, I understand the value of advertising. But in my own case it would be futile. I am not a dealer in merchandise but a specialist in adjusting the book to the human need. Between ourselves, there is no such thing, abstractly, as a 'good' book. A book is 'good' only when it meets some human hunger or refutes some human error. A book that is good for me would very likely be punk for you. My pleasure is to prescribe books for such patients as drop in here and are willing to tell me their symptoms. Some people have let their reading faculties decay so that all I can do is hold a post mortem on them. But most are still open to treatment…The world has been printing books for 450 years, and yet gunpowder still has a wider circulation. Never mind! Printer's ink is the greater explosive: it will win.

Filed under: Literature Tagged: Christopher Morley, publishing in the early 20th century, The Haunted Bookshop