Janet Thompson's Blog, page 53

Mother’s Day: Happy or Hurting

“I hate Mother’s Day!” said my dear friend who is longing for a baby. “You know that women struggling with infertility don’t go to church on Mother’s Day.” Kris agrees, “I was that mom-in-waiting for 16 years; I stayed away from baby showers, church, and friends who would get pregnant. I didn’t stop praying, but it WAS the worse pain.” Lisa concurs, “I am guilty of having skipped church a few years before we adopted my son.”

In my book, Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? A Companion Guide for Couples on the Infertility Journey, my own daughter wrote about her painful Mother’s Day experience:

Dear God,

It’s almost Mother’s Day and I don’t know if I can handle seeing all those happy moms at church and brunch. I’m trying to focus on my mom and not think about how I’m missing out on being a mommy on yet another Mother’s Day. This year is especially hard since we’ve been trying to be parents for so long and so hard, only to be repeatedly disappointed. At the store looking for a card for my mom, I see the cute cards at the end of the aisle “To Mommy”…oh God, I wish I were someone’s mommy! I look away and continue focusing at the task ahead, getting my mom and mothers-in-law their cards.

Today’s the day, it’s Mother’s Day. I don’t think I can bear it. It’s just begun and already I want this day over. I pull myself out of bed and get ready for church. I’m not looking forward to the sermon about children being a blessing and honoring mothers. God, help me focus on my mom.

We met my parents at church and I put on my happy face, when inside I was crying watching all the mothers with big smiles dressed in pretty spring dresses and children running all around. This was a day of celebration and I just wanted to go back to bed. The pastor started the message with asking all the mothers to stand up. Hundreds of women stood and everyone applauded. I couldn’t take it any longer and sat slouched over in my seat quietly crying. Toby put his arm around me and my mom held my hand, but nothing took away the pain. I barely heard the rest of the message.

After brunch, I came home, collapsed on my bed, and cried myself to sleep where I remained the rest of the day. God, please don’t make me go through another Mother’s Day with this hole in my heart. I want to stand up in church with all those other mothers beaming from ear to ear and have everyone applaud me. God, please let me stand up next year.

Mother’s Day is especially hard for mommies-in-waiting, but for most of these women, every day is hard. With 1 in 6 couples experiencing infertility, you are, or know, a woman experiencing this heartache. Often we don’t know what to say to them, so we say nothing, or maybe unintentionally say something that makes them feel worse. Kris, who I mentioned in the opening paragraph, says, “We cannot ignore them [women longing for a child]. I know how hard it was for people to talk to me. But I would have loved it if they did.”

In Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?, I offer tools to help you know the “Top Fifteen Things Not to Say or Do And To Say or Do to Someone Experiencing Infertility.” This list is also on the Infertility Support page on my website.

When I was writing the book, women often told me that the place they felt the loneliest was the church. That breaks my heart.  Jesus said he came for the sick, and that includes heartsick. The church should be a safe place for the hurting, not a place where they feel shunned or outcast.  How does your church comfort mommies-in-waiting on Mother’s Day and every day?

Mothers of Prodigals

Another group of women who will be hurting on Mother’s Day are the mothers of prodigals. They may not even know where there child is, or know all too well where they are and what they are doing that breaks a mother’s heart and the heart of God. These moms also need comforting, a hug, a reminder that this day is for them too and they are not forgotten or ignored.

I was that hurting mom and in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope, Help & Encouragement for Hurting Parents, I tell the story of praying daily that my daughter would find her way back to God, and six years later, she did. This Mother’s Day weekend she and I will be sharing our story at a Mother/Daughter tea. I’ve had a vision of us doing this for many years and prayed expectantly that God would bring my dream to life, and He has.

And Kim who was that heartsick mommy-in-waiting on Mother’s Day is now blessed with a family, but when we speak to the women God brings to this Mother’s Day Tea, neither of us will ever forget what it felt like to be hurting on Mother’s Day. We will speak with caring and compassion a comforting message of hope in God’s plan and timing. We won’t ignore these women, we will love on them!

I hope that you will do the same for the mommies-in-waiting, the moms of prodigals, or the moms who have lost a daughter or a son who may need a shoulder to cry on . . . a prayer . . . an understanding hug. If you’ve been where they’re at, mentor them like only someone who has been in their shoes can. If you haven’t been in their shoes, just let them know you can’t possibly understand, but you’re there for them and God is too!

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”—1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

NOTE: Besides not knowing what to say, many of us don’t know what to give a mommy-in-waiting or a mom of a prodigal, and so we usually give them nothing. The books I have written for these women are full of hope and encouragement from the voices of other women who have walked the same journey, as well as from God’s Love Letter.  So for the month of May I’m running a sale on my website for Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? and Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter. Another helpful book might be Face-to-Face with Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah: Pleading with God. I will sign and personalize each book.

Sisters in Christ

My husband, Dave, and I have just returned from a three-week road trip to California and Oregon. The purpose of our trip was for me to speak at the Christian Ministries Training Association’s annual conference in Pasadena, CA, and at LifeWay’s You Lead event in Eugene, OR. Along the way, we visited with friends and family.

When Dave and I were first married, we prayed for God to bring us Christian friends we could enjoy together as a couple. We each came from divorce and it’s often uncomfortable being around couples that were friends with your former spouse. God has continued to answer our prayer over our twenty years of marriage and we have a multitude of Christian friends in both California and Idaho. What we have noticed is how these friendships traverse time and distance. When we return to California we pick up right where we left off . . . almost as if we never left.

In the family of God, we share a common bond that binds us together across the miles and over the years.

When I speak to groups of Christian women, that same bond is evident. It’s as if there is an unspoken sisterhood. We share a common love for Jesus and reach out to each other with that love. I’m always welcomed with gratitude for the time I’ve spent preparing and the energy I put into presenting. I take a personal interest in helping each woman work on her ministry and relationship with Jesus.

Usually, I’ve never met these women, but by the end of my session or sessions or retreat or conference, I’ve made new friends. During my time with them, I’ll point out that we are all sisters in Christ with the same heavenly Father, and I’ll have them turn to each other and say: “Hey sis, did you know we have the same Father?” It makes them smile and laugh, but it also brings home the point that Christians are all in the family of God.

Dawn Stephenson, a LifeWay trainer and women’s ministry director who was also a trainer at You Lead with me in Eugene, explains it like this: “Amazing how God weaves our relationships together for our good and His glory!”

In my Bible study Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha: Sisters in Christ I point out that:

In spite of the scene in Luke 10:38-42, Mary and Martha were very much a part of each other’s lives, and perhaps were friends as well as sisters: the Scriptures always mention them together. Like Mary and Martha and the sisters in this Bible study, sisters who share a family heritage often remain close throughout life. However, sisters also can go separate ways as adults. But sisters in Christ have a spiritual heritage that is often stronger than blood ties.

I’d love to hear about your sisters in Christ and the role they play in your life. I wish I had a closer relationship with my blood sister, but I’m so grateful that I share with so many sisters in Christ the love for Jesus who shed His blood for each of us.

 

PS I’m writing a new book with a working title of How Good is God? I Can’t Remember . . . 10 Ways to Never Forget God’s Faithfulness. If you have a story of forgetting God’s goodness (and don’t we all) or ways that help you remember God’s faithfulness, I’d love to see your story for consideration in the book. You can reach me from the website or leave a comment here.

5 Things You Should Know About “Dear God, He’s Home! A Woman’s Guide to Her Stay-at-Home Man”

1. It’s humorous.

When I was writing the book and telling people about it, there was always laughter and chuckles. My husband noticed this and asked me if it was going to be a funny book. I told him there would be some funny parts . . . but the book wouldn’t portray husbands in a negative light or poke fun at them.

Sometimes the best way to handle a transition or new situation is to laugh—at yourself and the circumstances. The humor comes from our humanness and some of the crazy things we do and say. God will turn your tears into laughter, and your mourning into dancing, if you let Him (Ecclesasties 4:10)

2. It’s also serious.

The book had to include serious moments because the circumstances that bring a husband home are often very serious—illness, accidents, disability, layoffs, PTSD, unplanned retirement . . . just to name a few. And the transitions that the wife and husband experience can at times be serious. God takes our problems and trials seriously (Matthew 11:28), so the book includes Love Letters from God (personalized Scripture) and Let’s Pray (prayers to personalize).

3. It’s been described as “raw.”

I am open, vulnerable, and “real” when sharing about myself, but always make sure to give God the glory for the amazing things He has done in my life. My tagline is “Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness,” and that’s the heart of mentoring—my passion and my purpose. So I do discuss my fears, inadequacies, anxious moments, and difficulties in adjusting to our new 24/7 lifestyle, as do the women sharing their stories in the book. In our weakness, God’s strength prevails (1 Corinthians 4:10).

4. It contains questions for couples, small groups, & readers’ groups.

My vision for the book is that it will encourage husbands and wives to talk about their “issues.” Often problems escalate for lack of communication. It also would be advantageous for women with stay-at-home men to form support/small groups or couples’ groups: there’s a leader’s guide included to help facilitate the group. This would be a perfect book for book clubs. God tells us to meet together and encourage each other (Hebrews 10:25).

5. It features my husband as the hero of the book, but he says he’s the “sacrificial lamb.”

My husband graciously allowed me to share our lives and hearts with the readers. He also wrote the epilogue to give a window into his experience as a stay-at-home man. He is my helpmate and my biggest encourager. I could not do the things God has led me to do without my husband cheering me one. As God has ordained for marriage, we truly have become one (Mark 10:8).

To read a snippet.

To learn more about Dear God, He’s Home!

Dear God, He’s Home Trailer!

 

Forgiveness. . . . Forgiveness. . . .

Rick Warren on Twitter: “Someone on the internet sold Matthew an unregistered gun. I pray he seeks God’s forgiveness. I forgive him.

MATTHEW 6:15″

Like us, many of you were saddened and shocked to learn of the loss of Pastor Rick Warren’s 27-year old son, Matthew, who took his own life after suffering for years with depression and mental illness.

Pastor Rick is like extended family to my husband Dave and me. Dave and I attended Saddleback Church for over 23 years, and twenty years ago, we met each other in a small group. We’ve watched Saddleback church grow from meeting in a high school gym, to the mega church the world knows today.

Pastor Rick will always be “our pastor.” Even though we have since moved to another state and are members of a church in our community . . . . we’re still all in the family of God. And so it is that Dave and I mourn and grieve with Pastor Rick and Kay and our extended Saddleback family.

The Grieving Process Can Lead To or Away from God

Matthew took his own life with a purchased gun, but someone took my father’s life with his own gun. He was a California Highway Patrolman killed in the line of duty while trying to help the very man who killed him. My father had chosen a career protecting his community. He died two weeks before his 37th birthday doing exactly what he had signed on to do.

My mother shook her fist at God and said no just God would ever allow this to happen. I watched my mother’s bitterness and anger cause her to deteriorate emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally . . . resulting in a difficult childhood for my sister and me. Praise God, two years after my father’s death, I was invited to a church youth camp where I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

But when I became an adult, mom and I were estranged for 15 years. Then one of Pastor Rick’s sermons went straight to my heart when he said, “You’ll never experience true love if there’s someone in your life you haven’t forgiven.” I had been a single mom for 17 years and realized that if I didn’t forgive my mom, I would probably never have a happy marriage relationship. I did forgive her and within months, met my wonderful godly husband Dave.

Misconceptions Stop Us from Forgiving

In my Bible study, Face-to-Face with Euodia and Syntyche: From Conflict to Community, I discuss the myths about forgiveness and the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation:

FORGIVENESS is not allowing anyone else to control your emotional life except GOD!

FORGIVENESS is VERTICAL between God and you.

RECONCILIATION is HORIZONTAL between you and the other person

If you’re struggling with forgiveness or difficult relationships, studying Face-to-Face with Euodia and Syntyche will help you discover biblical ways of resolving conflict. Here are several of the myths that prevent us from granting unconditional forgiveness:

FORGIVENESS MYTHS I LEARNED FROM PASTOR RICK

MYTH #1:  Forgiveness must be quick like God’s forgiveness.

TRUTH: Forgiveness is a process.

MYTH #2:  If I forgive, that means that the offense was “ok.”

TRUTH: Forgiveness does not make sin into good. Sin is never “ok.”

MYTH #3:  I cannot forgive until I can forget, just like God does.

TRUTH: We are not God. When God forgives, He doesn’t need to learn anything. We do!

MYTH #4:  If I forgive, I have to reconcile with the person.

TRUTH: You do not have to be reconciled to forgive, but you do have to be able to forgive in order to reconcile.

“Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges” (Colossians 3:13 TLB).

Who do you need to forgive so you can be free from the chains of bitterness and anger? You can do it! Listen to Matthew West’s song “Forgiveness” ,which starts out…

It’s the hardest thing to give away

And the last thing on your mind today

It always goes to those that don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel

When the pain they caused is just too real

It takes everything you have to say the word…

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

The Magnet Syndrome!

My retired husband is constantly coming up to me asking, “What are you doing?” He said he can’t stay away—he’s drawn to me like a magnet.—Mariann

Dear God,

When we were first married, Dave literally followed me around the house wanting to do everything with me. He didn’t have any friends or interests beside his job, golf, and me. We quickly remedied that dilemma by finding him friends, serving at church, and starting guitar lessons—the guitar eventually fell by the wayside.

Now that he’s retired and home 24/7, I’m reliving those early years: it seems like every time I turn around, I’m running into him right behind me, or he’s occupying the same space I’m trying to claim. I can’t make a move without him showing up. I try having my “quiet time” outside, only to look up and see him coming out with his Bible ready to settle in across the table from me . . . which would be OK accept he doesn’t read quietly . . . he talks . . . .

I get up early and go for my walk, expecting him to be done in the kitchen when I return. To my chagrin, he doesn’t think about eating breakfast, until I do! If I get my vitamins out of the cupboard, he needs his. Bottles fall and pills fly as we reach around each other trying to grab ours off the shelf.

When I go into the bathroom to put on my makeup and dry my hair, he remembers he needs to shave. Since we only have one sink and mirror, that’s a big problem. Last night, I was trying to take a shower, and he had to go to the bathroom, even though he had just been in there flossing his teeth!

It’s like having a perpetual shadow! Lord, I need some space. Why does everything I do, trigger the exact same response in him? If I change my routine to accommodate him, he changes his routine to match mine—he’s like a magnet. Help! I love my husband, but I’m stumbling over him at every turn.

Crowded, Janet

Mentoring Moment

My friend Anita and I were walking together one morning and I was lamenting about what Dave and I now laughingly call the “Magnet Syndrome.” Anita said she and her husband, Gary, experience the same thing and then she shared the “breakfast dance” they often do in the mornings, just like Dave and me.

Anita also said she had been giving this phenomenon a lot of thought and concluded that the more time you spend together, the more you’re on the same “wave length.” You start thinking alike, your schedules are similar, and your body clocks become synchronized. You’re both hungry simultaneously and sometimes even need to use the bathroom at the same time!

Then she pointed out this is how God intended marriage: husbands and wives become as one. When we each went our separate ways during the day, we had to transition back to being “one” when we saw each other again at night. 24/7 togetherness reflects the oneness of Genesis 2:24—“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Pondering Anita’s words, I realized how right she was. Instead of operating as two separate people in a marriage, 24/7 husbands and wives truly transition into one body—spiritually and physically. Exactly what we all agreed to in our marriage vows when the pastor said, “I present to you Mr. and Mrs. _____________, (fill in your names) united in marriage. What God has joined together, let no man separate.”

*This article contains excerpts from Janet Thompson’s  Dear God, He’s Home! A Woman’s Guide to Her Stay-at-Home Man

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My Hubby’s Testimony on Easter Morning

 

 (Our church puts on an Easter Sunrise Cowboy Breakfast down at the river behind our church for the community. My husband, Dave Thompson, was asked to give his testimony and he allowed me to share it with you today. Enjoy and be blessed.)

I learned about God and Jesus in my teens, but in my early adult years – I became a self-made man.

Robert Ringer’s book Looking Out For Number One became my motto – in his book he talks about don’t let anyone take your marbles, so I walked over and through everyone or anyone in my way to achieve my goals.

I was a successful corporate executive married with a young family with a large home in an influential community. I had it made, so I thought, until it all came crashing down! I was eventually divorced, my family split up.

It was then I began a real relationship with Christ.

I dedicated my life to Jesus and reversed my motto, and let the only real #1 look out for me. He does so much better than I could ever do.

When you think about it . . . who could better look out for you than the One who is:

Omnipresent – always with you

Omnipotent – all powerful

Omniscient – seeing all and everything ahead goes before you preparing the way.

So you ask: What has Christ meant in my life? Everything!

He has taken me with all my sins and prideful ways, and made me His child, an adopted heir. He loves me more than anyone else could, or I could ever love myself.

Further, I would have never met the love of my life, my beautiful wife, Janet, if it were not for my relationship with Christ. You see, we met in a church small group at Saddleback Church and have grown together in a true marriage triangle relationship with Christ at the apex.

My wife, Janet’s writing and speaking ministry, About His Work Ministries, was born out of our love for Christ and His church.  Many lives have been changed by Him using her, us, and our experiences, challenges, and trials as vessels to help others.

When you give your life and your time to Christ and make yourself available, He molds you and makes you into who He wants you to be and uses you and the gifts He has given you to help others.  In fact, our ministry tag line “Sharing life’s experiences and God’s faithfulness” defines our life in Christ.

So if you are a self-made man or woman stop playing king of the mountain, give up your fight to stay on top and let the only one who belongs there take your place. He will give to you more abundantly than you could ever imagine. He will not only renew your mind, but He will change your heart.

Happy Easter and God bless you all!

 

 

 

Jesus On Entertainment Tonight

Mindlessly turning on the television and channel surfing for something to watch while cooking dinner last week, I put down the remote as I heard the name “Jesus” being used as an introduction—not in vain, the usual mode for TV and Movies. The hosts of Entertainment Tonight were actually talking excitedly about … Jesus and the Bible!

They weren’t questioning whether Jesus was real or the Bible was true. No, instead they were raving about the new TV Miniseries, The Bible, and informing their television audience that “This Sunday Jesus will meet Pontius Pilate.” Almost as if they knew Jesus and Pilate like they knew all the other celebrities and famous people they interview on their show.

They talked about the millions of people watching the series and how the first Sunday night’s airing beat out every other program on TV that night, and the next Sunday found millions tuned in to watch more of The Bible! There was no hesitation mentioning the name of Jesus. They said His name like everyone should know who He is and, of course, know the Bible that the series is based on. They weren’t embarrassed or apologetic. They were enthusiastic and passionate as they encouraged viewers to tune in next Sunday night for what’s become a “wildly-popular mini-series.”

One article about The Bible series said, “Not since Cecile B DeMille’s ‘The Ten Commandments’ has there been quite as much Biblical buzz in Hollywood.”

I have to admit, I never expected to hear Jesus proclaimed on Entertainment Tonight, but I couldn’t stop laughing and praising. Only God could take a secular TV program and use it as an advertisement for the Gospel. Only God could make the series the most watched program on TV on Sunday nights….not to mention the other nights it airs during the week. Only God could put the name of Jesus and The Bible on peoples’ tongues as they gathered around the water cooler on Monday mornings.

Only God could have given the vision for this series to Roma Downey and her husband, producer Mark Burnett, in what they describe as a “spiritual calling.”

We don’t need to make more TV,” Burnett said. “This is way more than that. . . . It’s a movement. It’s the Bible. It’s something everybody should know. Even if you don’t want to go to church, or believe, you should know these stories.” Their goal was to get people talking around the water cooler on Monday mornings and looking in their Bibles to see if that’s the way it really happened.

Of course, it’s a movie series and they’ve filled in some of the blanks where the Bible is silent, such as portraying what Sarah might have done when Abraham took Isaac up the mountain to sacrifice him. And since they’re covering Genesis to Revelation, they couldn’t hit on every story.

Here is Roma’s vision she proposed to her producer husband:

 “Mark, we should do this. We should make a TV series on the Bible. Not unconnected Bible stories, but the overarching, sweeping, loving narrative. A dramatic rendition that goes from Genesis to Revelation. We could tell that story in five two-hour episodes. We could bring it to life.”

Her husband protested: “I stared at her. It was an incredibly ambitious idea, and it’s not like we weren’t busy enough, raising three teenagers, and also producing some of the most demanding shows on TV (including The Voice and Survivor).

“How can we possibly take this on, and how can we tell this story in only ten television hours?” I asked, shaking my head.

“Think about it, Mark,” she said. “The Bible story is all the things that great television should be. It has adventure, it has drama and it has redemption.”

And that’s the story every Christian should be telling! And every Christian should be embracing this series…not criticizing it or trying to find inaccuracies…but sharing the amazing story of God brought to life in millions of viewers living rooms on Sunday night. Only God could do that!

Quotes were from a Guideposts story written by Mark Burnett himself and listening  to both Roma and Mark share their calling in a CBS interview.

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