Kevin Sterling's Blog
February 20, 2015
The Great Mystery of Amazon Reviews
Without question, customer reviews on sites like Amazon are a valuable tool for all of us in deciding what products to buy and which ones to ignore. Hats off to the altruistic people who use their valuable time to consistently write them.
Reviews are also critically important to the companies or individuals who produce the merchandise being offered, as they are the #1 driving force toward sales. As an author, for example, the reviews of my books are paramount to my success, so I’m constantly keeping track of how they’re coming along.
But let’s start with the perspective of the buyer, searching the Web for an item to purchase.
Upon landing on a product page, most of us look at the average customer rating (stars) and the total count before deciding whether to dig into the written reviews at all. If the product has just one or two reviews, no matter how good or bad they are, we usually assume there isn’t enough decision-making information to draw upon, and we move on. Completely logical, unless it’s a brand new product, of course.
Nevertheless, let’s assume we’ve found an attractive-looking item that has plenty of reviews. And if it’s a quality product, it probably has a high concentration of 4 and 5-star ratings with a lesser number at 3 stars and a scattering in the 2 and 1-star range.
But wait. If it’s such a great product, why does it have any 2 or 1-star reviews at all?
The truth is that no single product will ever satisfy everyone. On top of that, issues will inevitably evolve along the way to create a poor experience for a number of people. I don’t care if you’re making toaster ovens or writing books. It simply is.
For that reason, I no longer cull through 1 and 2-star reviews looking for the worst case scenario to help assess my “risk parameters” with a product. Frankly, unless ALL of the reviews are that low, they’re usually from people who are angry and lashing out, making them less credible to begin with. They also tend to include comments like, “there was a snowstorm that delayed the delivery of the item for two days, so it missed getting here for my wife’s birthday.”
Seriously? What does that have to do with the product and whether I should buy it?
On the other end of the scale, 4 and 5-star reviews are pretty much the same. These people absolutely loved the product and rarely have anything negative to say. Yes, logic suggests that a 4-star review indicates a slight degree of dissatisfaction, and that’s probably true on occasion. But there are lots of people out there who never give 5-star reviews, or at least hold them in reserve for the absolute Everest of products like Tolstoy’s War and Peace (although, quite remarkably, 5% of its Amazon reviews are 1 star).
*Palm slap to the forehead*
Consequently, I believe the best reviews for identifying potential issues are those with 3 stars. They suggest the buyer generally liked the item, but had issues, and they will often provide lucid, rational feedback regarding what they didn’t care for, perhaps suggesting what could have been improved. Sometimes, I’ll read a person’s list of complaints (usually for an entertainment item like a movie or book) and discover that I’ll probably LIKE the product, as their list consists of things I actually enjoy.
The rating scenario gets particularly interesting if you’re dealing with an item that’s controversial in some way. In fact, a perusal of the written reviews on Amazon for these products can be outright entertaining.
Take my books, for example. The Jack Lazar Series has one characteristic outside the norm for action thrillers, and that’s explicit sex—especially in the first novel, Lazar’s Intrigue. So, as you might imagine, the ratings for that book are all over the board from lots of enthusiastic 5-star reviews to a handful of 2 and 1-star criticisms that classify it as smut.
But sexual content in books is highly contentious, and I’ve found that men are offended by it far more than women. Who knew? So in these cases, it becomes necessary to dig even further into the reviews and integrate one’s own tastes and opinions before forming a buying decision. Ultimately, if something isn’t your cup of Oolong, no matter how many glowing 5-star ratings it may have, it’s probably better to move on to something else.
The classic example of this is the book Fifty Shades of Grey. Most of the reviews for E L James’ racy novel are 5 stars, obviously from people who connected with her story, including the explicit sex (my wife and I both found it very entertaining). Consequently, those people are the appropriate audience for her books.
But, can you guess what rating has the second highest count by a longshot? The 1-star category. That’s because Fifty Shades is the epitome of a “love it or hate it” product.
Admittedly, in this case, many people bought the book out of curiosity over what everyone was talking about, but a little due diligence would have prevented the majority of those 1-star reviewers from ever reading the book at all.
One other thing to consider about a controversial novel like Fifty Shades of Grey is the average rating. At last check, the book averaged 3.5 stars, which in itself might cause a prospective reader to move on. But the wild review variations are the culprit here, and the high number of 5-star ratings suggests that it’s the perfect product for SOME people, therefore potentially justifying further investigation.
So, it’s not always appropriate to judge an item based on the average rating alone.
If you’re an author, and you feel like the world has come to an end when you receive a bad review (as I used to do), try going to the Amazon product pages for your favorite authors (like the aforementioned Leo Tolstoy) and see how many 2 and 1-star reviews they have. It’s an inevitability, and the numbers will blow your mind, especially if you think he or she wrote the best books in the world. How could anyone think poorly of them?
But everyone has different tastes and opinions. Some people will relate to your protagonist, and some will not. And if they don’t, they will most likely consider him or her to be “unrealistic”.
I remember reading a review from someone saying that Sarina, the DEA agent in Lazar’s Intrigue, was unbelievable because no woman would constantly demand having public sex. But Sarina was based almost entirely on a girl I dated for over a year; and gosh, it seemed quite real to me at the time! But if a reader can’t imagine themselves ever doing something like that, they may not be able to stretch their boundaries enough to find the character convincing.
To quote Anaïs Nin, “we don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.”
In summary, the customer review and ratings game is complicated, probably more so than people realize. Therefore, as a buyer, perhaps it makes sense to evaluate reviews differently based upon the nature of the product, thereby gathering information that’s authentically relevant to ourselves before we make an informed buying decision.
If the product in question is yours, no matter how high its quality may be, you must expect some scathing reviews and let them be. It’s a fact of life and the price of doing business in cyberspace.
Cheers!
Reviews are also critically important to the companies or individuals who produce the merchandise being offered, as they are the #1 driving force toward sales. As an author, for example, the reviews of my books are paramount to my success, so I’m constantly keeping track of how they’re coming along.
But let’s start with the perspective of the buyer, searching the Web for an item to purchase.
Upon landing on a product page, most of us look at the average customer rating (stars) and the total count before deciding whether to dig into the written reviews at all. If the product has just one or two reviews, no matter how good or bad they are, we usually assume there isn’t enough decision-making information to draw upon, and we move on. Completely logical, unless it’s a brand new product, of course.
Nevertheless, let’s assume we’ve found an attractive-looking item that has plenty of reviews. And if it’s a quality product, it probably has a high concentration of 4 and 5-star ratings with a lesser number at 3 stars and a scattering in the 2 and 1-star range.
But wait. If it’s such a great product, why does it have any 2 or 1-star reviews at all?
The truth is that no single product will ever satisfy everyone. On top of that, issues will inevitably evolve along the way to create a poor experience for a number of people. I don’t care if you’re making toaster ovens or writing books. It simply is.
For that reason, I no longer cull through 1 and 2-star reviews looking for the worst case scenario to help assess my “risk parameters” with a product. Frankly, unless ALL of the reviews are that low, they’re usually from people who are angry and lashing out, making them less credible to begin with. They also tend to include comments like, “there was a snowstorm that delayed the delivery of the item for two days, so it missed getting here for my wife’s birthday.”
Seriously? What does that have to do with the product and whether I should buy it?
On the other end of the scale, 4 and 5-star reviews are pretty much the same. These people absolutely loved the product and rarely have anything negative to say. Yes, logic suggests that a 4-star review indicates a slight degree of dissatisfaction, and that’s probably true on occasion. But there are lots of people out there who never give 5-star reviews, or at least hold them in reserve for the absolute Everest of products like Tolstoy’s War and Peace (although, quite remarkably, 5% of its Amazon reviews are 1 star).
*Palm slap to the forehead*
Consequently, I believe the best reviews for identifying potential issues are those with 3 stars. They suggest the buyer generally liked the item, but had issues, and they will often provide lucid, rational feedback regarding what they didn’t care for, perhaps suggesting what could have been improved. Sometimes, I’ll read a person’s list of complaints (usually for an entertainment item like a movie or book) and discover that I’ll probably LIKE the product, as their list consists of things I actually enjoy.
The rating scenario gets particularly interesting if you’re dealing with an item that’s controversial in some way. In fact, a perusal of the written reviews on Amazon for these products can be outright entertaining.
Take my books, for example. The Jack Lazar Series has one characteristic outside the norm for action thrillers, and that’s explicit sex—especially in the first novel, Lazar’s Intrigue. So, as you might imagine, the ratings for that book are all over the board from lots of enthusiastic 5-star reviews to a handful of 2 and 1-star criticisms that classify it as smut.
But sexual content in books is highly contentious, and I’ve found that men are offended by it far more than women. Who knew? So in these cases, it becomes necessary to dig even further into the reviews and integrate one’s own tastes and opinions before forming a buying decision. Ultimately, if something isn’t your cup of Oolong, no matter how many glowing 5-star ratings it may have, it’s probably better to move on to something else.
The classic example of this is the book Fifty Shades of Grey. Most of the reviews for E L James’ racy novel are 5 stars, obviously from people who connected with her story, including the explicit sex (my wife and I both found it very entertaining). Consequently, those people are the appropriate audience for her books.
But, can you guess what rating has the second highest count by a longshot? The 1-star category. That’s because Fifty Shades is the epitome of a “love it or hate it” product.
Admittedly, in this case, many people bought the book out of curiosity over what everyone was talking about, but a little due diligence would have prevented the majority of those 1-star reviewers from ever reading the book at all.
One other thing to consider about a controversial novel like Fifty Shades of Grey is the average rating. At last check, the book averaged 3.5 stars, which in itself might cause a prospective reader to move on. But the wild review variations are the culprit here, and the high number of 5-star ratings suggests that it’s the perfect product for SOME people, therefore potentially justifying further investigation.
So, it’s not always appropriate to judge an item based on the average rating alone.
If you’re an author, and you feel like the world has come to an end when you receive a bad review (as I used to do), try going to the Amazon product pages for your favorite authors (like the aforementioned Leo Tolstoy) and see how many 2 and 1-star reviews they have. It’s an inevitability, and the numbers will blow your mind, especially if you think he or she wrote the best books in the world. How could anyone think poorly of them?
But everyone has different tastes and opinions. Some people will relate to your protagonist, and some will not. And if they don’t, they will most likely consider him or her to be “unrealistic”.
I remember reading a review from someone saying that Sarina, the DEA agent in Lazar’s Intrigue, was unbelievable because no woman would constantly demand having public sex. But Sarina was based almost entirely on a girl I dated for over a year; and gosh, it seemed quite real to me at the time! But if a reader can’t imagine themselves ever doing something like that, they may not be able to stretch their boundaries enough to find the character convincing.
To quote Anaïs Nin, “we don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.”
In summary, the customer review and ratings game is complicated, probably more so than people realize. Therefore, as a buyer, perhaps it makes sense to evaluate reviews differently based upon the nature of the product, thereby gathering information that’s authentically relevant to ourselves before we make an informed buying decision.
If the product in question is yours, no matter how high its quality may be, you must expect some scathing reviews and let them be. It’s a fact of life and the price of doing business in cyberspace.
Cheers!
June 11, 2014
Love, Love, Love
You know something? I’ve been filled with love this week. So much so that I knew I had to write about it, despite whether it’s a manly subject or not. So, my friends, here we go.
For those who have never read my books or blog and aren’t aware of my undying adoration and respect for the fairer sex, it wouldn’t surprise me if a cursory check of my Facebook Page or my Jack Lazar Website gives you the impression I’m a sex fiend.
Okay, I get that. And it’s all right, not only because people are entitled to their own opinion, but because I’m actually quite fond of sex, thank you very much.
Still, the truth is that I’m brimming with love and romance when I write my female characters, and I truly become sad when I finish a book and have to part ways with them. Or, to be more accurate, when JACK parts ways with them. But in many respects, it’s the same thing. These characters all have personalities of their own, they often do things I never expect, and I adore all of them.
So, in reality, I’m a sappy, hopeless romantic. I’m all about kissing, cuddling, nonstop verbal foreplay, and holding hands. I often shed tears at movies and do my best to hide them in covert ways, but my girl always knows what I’m up to. Then again, she’s usually crying more than I am, so THERE.
But, let’s move on to the subject at hand: LOVE.
I rather like M. Scott Peck’s definitions of the various types of love in his book The Road Less Traveled . I agree that authentic love is not a “feeling”, and to truly love someone, you are devoted to their happiness, fulfillment and growth, spiritually and otherwise. Yet, despite Peck’s assertion that romantic love is not love at all, this article will focus on just that. Why? Because it’s fun and sexy. And it’s my article, after all.
Nevertheless, part of what makes romantic love really pop is both partners’ enthusiastic desire to take care of each other, foster growth, do sweet and unexpected things, and exercise self-denial from time to time in recognition of the other’s greater or more important needs and desires. I often say that people get out of a relationship what they put into it, and a partner who does nothing but “take” will find himself getting less and less from his mate, and ultimately nothing at all.
Indeed, true love is all about giving in every facet of the relationship. There’s also nothing more satisfying than giving, sometimes to the point where it almost feels selfish. That even (or perhaps particularly) applies to the physical act of love, as nothing makes a loving person more giddy with pleasure than providing and experiencing their partner’s physical bliss. Then, if their love is authentically shared, the favor is likely to be enthusiastically returned.
As you’re reading this, it may occur to you that many of my blogs about relationships (no, not the ones about chipmunks) have a common theme, which is my desire to encourage couples to shower each other with kindness, appreciation, thoughtfulness, special attention, unexpected treats, loving touch, messages of desire, lots of kisses — I could go on forever.
The point is: I understand how relationships can take a turn in the wrong direction sometimes, with one negative thing leading to another in a domino effect. Eventually, it gets to the point where no one has the emotional desire to take a step in the RIGHT direction anymore. But all it takes is a grand, loving gesture from one person to turn things the other way followed by one sweet act after another to keep it going. Love may not seem that simple at times, but it often is.
I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t rather be snuggling and making love than sitting on opposite ends of the couch or finding reasons not to come home. Instead, couples should miss each other and be vocal about it. You did get married to spend your lives together, right? Even better, they should be exchanging messages about what they’re going to do to each other when they get home. My imagination runneth amuck with the possibilities.
Isn’t there a naughty little outfit you purchased for just such an occasion?
Thought so.
Ciao, and have fun.
For those who have never read my books or blog and aren’t aware of my undying adoration and respect for the fairer sex, it wouldn’t surprise me if a cursory check of my Facebook Page or my Jack Lazar Website gives you the impression I’m a sex fiend.
Okay, I get that. And it’s all right, not only because people are entitled to their own opinion, but because I’m actually quite fond of sex, thank you very much.
Still, the truth is that I’m brimming with love and romance when I write my female characters, and I truly become sad when I finish a book and have to part ways with them. Or, to be more accurate, when JACK parts ways with them. But in many respects, it’s the same thing. These characters all have personalities of their own, they often do things I never expect, and I adore all of them.
So, in reality, I’m a sappy, hopeless romantic. I’m all about kissing, cuddling, nonstop verbal foreplay, and holding hands. I often shed tears at movies and do my best to hide them in covert ways, but my girl always knows what I’m up to. Then again, she’s usually crying more than I am, so THERE.
But, let’s move on to the subject at hand: LOVE.
I rather like M. Scott Peck’s definitions of the various types of love in his book The Road Less Traveled . I agree that authentic love is not a “feeling”, and to truly love someone, you are devoted to their happiness, fulfillment and growth, spiritually and otherwise. Yet, despite Peck’s assertion that romantic love is not love at all, this article will focus on just that. Why? Because it’s fun and sexy. And it’s my article, after all.
Nevertheless, part of what makes romantic love really pop is both partners’ enthusiastic desire to take care of each other, foster growth, do sweet and unexpected things, and exercise self-denial from time to time in recognition of the other’s greater or more important needs and desires. I often say that people get out of a relationship what they put into it, and a partner who does nothing but “take” will find himself getting less and less from his mate, and ultimately nothing at all.
Indeed, true love is all about giving in every facet of the relationship. There’s also nothing more satisfying than giving, sometimes to the point where it almost feels selfish. That even (or perhaps particularly) applies to the physical act of love, as nothing makes a loving person more giddy with pleasure than providing and experiencing their partner’s physical bliss. Then, if their love is authentically shared, the favor is likely to be enthusiastically returned.
As you’re reading this, it may occur to you that many of my blogs about relationships (no, not the ones about chipmunks) have a common theme, which is my desire to encourage couples to shower each other with kindness, appreciation, thoughtfulness, special attention, unexpected treats, loving touch, messages of desire, lots of kisses — I could go on forever.
The point is: I understand how relationships can take a turn in the wrong direction sometimes, with one negative thing leading to another in a domino effect. Eventually, it gets to the point where no one has the emotional desire to take a step in the RIGHT direction anymore. But all it takes is a grand, loving gesture from one person to turn things the other way followed by one sweet act after another to keep it going. Love may not seem that simple at times, but it often is.
I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t rather be snuggling and making love than sitting on opposite ends of the couch or finding reasons not to come home. Instead, couples should miss each other and be vocal about it. You did get married to spend your lives together, right? Even better, they should be exchanging messages about what they’re going to do to each other when they get home. My imagination runneth amuck with the possibilities.
Isn’t there a naughty little outfit you purchased for just such an occasion?
Thought so.
Ciao, and have fun.
May 21, 2014
Five Ways to Get More Kisses
If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know I talk a lot about sex. It’s a fun subject, to be sure, and something we men think about frequently, although Psychology Today has disproven the old theory that we think about it every 8 seconds. Hmm. I guess that means it’s every 10 seconds, huh?
Nevertheless, kissing is a pretty darn awesome part of the experience, and sometimes it can be even more intimate than the whole enchilada. All of our feelings and emotions are concentrated through the dance between our lips and tongues, meaning it can be a very powerful experience.
So I’d like to look at a few ways to get more of those, please.
1. Fresh Breath
This may seem absurdly obvious, but of all the things that can shut down a glorious make-out session, not to mention what else it might lead to, bad breath takes the pole position. That’s why morning sex often excludes kissing, lest the bad breath put on the brakes, and I think that’s a shame.
I know it might break the heat of passion, but perhaps someone can make a quick detour to the bathroom to brush his or her teeth and bring that minty freshness back to the bedroom. Sex without kissing seems like a prime Filet Mignon without a glass of Cabernet. But I digress.
Guys frequently wake up aroused, which everyone knows, but it may come as a surprise that men often make devious plans for how they’re going to convince their girl to participate in an early morning romp. So, my fraternal brothers, I suggest you make a beeline for the toothbrush while she’s still sleeping and you’re in the process of developing your strategy. Then slip back under the covers and let the wake-up kissing begin.
2. Lingering Glances
How many times have you watched a romantic movie and felt that the two main characters didn’t have any chemistry? It happens a lot, doesn’t it? Well, from what I’ve observed time and time again, it’s the director’s fault. He or she failed to implement the most powerful visual element to make the mutual yearning believable.
It’s not so much what two characters say, but how they act toward each other that makes their romance convincing. And there’s nothing more powerful than those extended looks of wanting as they gaze into each other’s eyes. Next time you watch a movie where the relationship between the hero and heroine takes your breath away, notice how they exchange romantic, lingering glances. It’s an essential visual tool in movies that great directors use proficiently.
The same effect can be achieved between two real people, but this time the passion is authentic. So, if you’re a guy looking for some kisses, try staring into your girl’s eyes for a little while as you think about how much you want her. Most likely she’ll end up wrinkling her brow and saying a single word: “What?”
Your response: “I’m just thinking about how much I want to kiss you.”
If she doesn’t absolutely adore you for that and melt in your arms, eagerly awaiting your lips, you’re probably in trouble for something and better fix it before you have to graduate to more persuasive tools like flowers or diamonds.
3. Appreciate Your Mate
I know what you’re thinking. This guy isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know. But let me ask you something. How often do you actually think about these concepts and put them into action?
Uh-huh. Thought so. Which means you need a refresher course. And here it is!
My third point is that people love being valued and appreciated and told how wonderful they are. Especially the fairer sex. But our lives and relationships are so complicated that we often forget to make it known. Still, no matter how true these sentiments may be, they are of no value to your mate if you don’t share them. And guess what? Kisses are a perfect way to say thank you, so it’s a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wrap your arms around your girl’s waist, look her in the eyes, and tell her how much you appreciate her for letting you watch Monday Night Football. Then kiss her.
Splendid.
4. Extra Effort
Just as we humans like being appreciated, we also enjoy being the recipients of extra thoughtfulness, kindness and pampering. So I’ve found that doing something wonderful and unexpected for my girl often results in appreciative kisses. So I’m often motivated to do such things every day.
The challenge, however, is keeping it fresh. Otherwise you’ll succumb to the old adage: “When you do something for someone else, you don’t obligate them. You obligate yourself.”
What does that mean? Well, if you start bringing your girl coffee in bed every morning for the next two weeks, and one day you decide to stop doing it under the assumption you’ve successfully convinced her how wonderful you are, how do you think she’s going to react? Not good, right? She’ll think something went wrong, and maybe (egad!) you don’t love her anymore. So instead, you better bring her coffee in bed forever. But really, you’re making coffee anyway, so how much trouble is that?
Nevertheless, perhaps it makes sense to do something different and spontaneous each day. Just get creative. If you do, she will brag to everyone about how wonderful you are. Oh, and you’ll probably get rewarded with kisses. That’s part of your motivation here, after all.
5. Glistening Lips
This particular point is really more for women than men, which is only fair since this article has been pretty much guy-driven so far. Yes, there’s a lot of crossover, but it’s the guys who really need the refresher course, don’t they? You girls have most of this stuff figured out already.
Nevertheless, here is an important and useful fact: Men, like fish, are attracted to shiny objects. As I have noted in numerous past articles, men are visually oriented, and this is a prime example of that. Consequently, a pair of shiny lips are just, well, delicious to us. So we really do appreciate all the effort women go through to select and apply lipstick, lip gloss or whatever else you employ to make your lips glisten in the moonlight.
Men also like it when women lick their lips, as if they’re preparing to be kissed. In fact, we have an almost Pavlovian response when we see your tongue skate across your lips, so we’ll probably kiss you tout de suite without even thinking about it. Instant gratification is such a lovely thing, isn’t it?
Seriously. Give it a try. Walk up to your guy, look in his eyes, and lick your lips. Then tell me in the comments below if it worked. My money is on that sexy goddess within you.
Cheers, darling. And happy kissing.
Nevertheless, kissing is a pretty darn awesome part of the experience, and sometimes it can be even more intimate than the whole enchilada. All of our feelings and emotions are concentrated through the dance between our lips and tongues, meaning it can be a very powerful experience.
So I’d like to look at a few ways to get more of those, please.
1. Fresh Breath
This may seem absurdly obvious, but of all the things that can shut down a glorious make-out session, not to mention what else it might lead to, bad breath takes the pole position. That’s why morning sex often excludes kissing, lest the bad breath put on the brakes, and I think that’s a shame.
I know it might break the heat of passion, but perhaps someone can make a quick detour to the bathroom to brush his or her teeth and bring that minty freshness back to the bedroom. Sex without kissing seems like a prime Filet Mignon without a glass of Cabernet. But I digress.
Guys frequently wake up aroused, which everyone knows, but it may come as a surprise that men often make devious plans for how they’re going to convince their girl to participate in an early morning romp. So, my fraternal brothers, I suggest you make a beeline for the toothbrush while she’s still sleeping and you’re in the process of developing your strategy. Then slip back under the covers and let the wake-up kissing begin.
2. Lingering Glances
How many times have you watched a romantic movie and felt that the two main characters didn’t have any chemistry? It happens a lot, doesn’t it? Well, from what I’ve observed time and time again, it’s the director’s fault. He or she failed to implement the most powerful visual element to make the mutual yearning believable.
It’s not so much what two characters say, but how they act toward each other that makes their romance convincing. And there’s nothing more powerful than those extended looks of wanting as they gaze into each other’s eyes. Next time you watch a movie where the relationship between the hero and heroine takes your breath away, notice how they exchange romantic, lingering glances. It’s an essential visual tool in movies that great directors use proficiently.
The same effect can be achieved between two real people, but this time the passion is authentic. So, if you’re a guy looking for some kisses, try staring into your girl’s eyes for a little while as you think about how much you want her. Most likely she’ll end up wrinkling her brow and saying a single word: “What?”
Your response: “I’m just thinking about how much I want to kiss you.”
If she doesn’t absolutely adore you for that and melt in your arms, eagerly awaiting your lips, you’re probably in trouble for something and better fix it before you have to graduate to more persuasive tools like flowers or diamonds.
3. Appreciate Your Mate
I know what you’re thinking. This guy isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know. But let me ask you something. How often do you actually think about these concepts and put them into action?
Uh-huh. Thought so. Which means you need a refresher course. And here it is!
My third point is that people love being valued and appreciated and told how wonderful they are. Especially the fairer sex. But our lives and relationships are so complicated that we often forget to make it known. Still, no matter how true these sentiments may be, they are of no value to your mate if you don’t share them. And guess what? Kisses are a perfect way to say thank you, so it’s a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wrap your arms around your girl’s waist, look her in the eyes, and tell her how much you appreciate her for letting you watch Monday Night Football. Then kiss her.
Splendid.
4. Extra Effort
Just as we humans like being appreciated, we also enjoy being the recipients of extra thoughtfulness, kindness and pampering. So I’ve found that doing something wonderful and unexpected for my girl often results in appreciative kisses. So I’m often motivated to do such things every day.
The challenge, however, is keeping it fresh. Otherwise you’ll succumb to the old adage: “When you do something for someone else, you don’t obligate them. You obligate yourself.”
What does that mean? Well, if you start bringing your girl coffee in bed every morning for the next two weeks, and one day you decide to stop doing it under the assumption you’ve successfully convinced her how wonderful you are, how do you think she’s going to react? Not good, right? She’ll think something went wrong, and maybe (egad!) you don’t love her anymore. So instead, you better bring her coffee in bed forever. But really, you’re making coffee anyway, so how much trouble is that?
Nevertheless, perhaps it makes sense to do something different and spontaneous each day. Just get creative. If you do, she will brag to everyone about how wonderful you are. Oh, and you’ll probably get rewarded with kisses. That’s part of your motivation here, after all.
5. Glistening Lips
This particular point is really more for women than men, which is only fair since this article has been pretty much guy-driven so far. Yes, there’s a lot of crossover, but it’s the guys who really need the refresher course, don’t they? You girls have most of this stuff figured out already.
Nevertheless, here is an important and useful fact: Men, like fish, are attracted to shiny objects. As I have noted in numerous past articles, men are visually oriented, and this is a prime example of that. Consequently, a pair of shiny lips are just, well, delicious to us. So we really do appreciate all the effort women go through to select and apply lipstick, lip gloss or whatever else you employ to make your lips glisten in the moonlight.
Men also like it when women lick their lips, as if they’re preparing to be kissed. In fact, we have an almost Pavlovian response when we see your tongue skate across your lips, so we’ll probably kiss you tout de suite without even thinking about it. Instant gratification is such a lovely thing, isn’t it?
Seriously. Give it a try. Walk up to your guy, look in his eyes, and lick your lips. Then tell me in the comments below if it worked. My money is on that sexy goddess within you.
Cheers, darling. And happy kissing.
April 16, 2014
Jack Lazar's 5 Secrets to Being Great in Bed
If you’ve read any of my Jack Lazar novels, you know that Jack is somewhat of a star performer in the bedroom. Or wherever sex is happening, be it on the hood of a car, a cruise ship balcony or in the cargo hold of an airplane.
But how does he consistently knock the ball out of the park? Well, here are a few of his secrets, and I’ll do my best to keep the descriptions PG-13. If you feel that I’ve taken it too far, you can always move on to one of my blogs about chipmunks.
So, here goes:
1. Start Off with the Right Mindset
A frequent mistake men make in bed is allowing their primal instincts to control them. It’s not that those instincts aren’t useful at the right time, but if we surrender to the innate programming that tells us to “plant our seed” and focus exclusively on chasing down our big moment, no one is going to look back on the escapade as anything special. Not even the male participant in the equation.
The point is we aren’t just animals. We are intelligent creatures who use our brains to improve our quality of life in every possible way. So we must temper those primeval instincts and balance them with thoughtfulness, caring and…strategy.
So, what makes a woman think a man is great in bed? It’s pretty simple, really, if not totally obvious. He focuses entirely on her pleasure and makes it clear that nothing else is more important. Not even his own, personal gratification. However, he ends up being so tantalized by what he’s rousing in her (sounds, movements, tastes, smells) that his own pleasure is inevitable, and it eventually hits him like an asteroid scorching the Earth, leaving him unable to resist. He gets what he ultimately craves by association, and it’s so much yummier that way.
2. Focus on the Emotional before the Physical
Moving along with the concept of solely intending to provide pleasure, let’s look at some ways we men can do that.
First, it’s important to recognize that men are intensely visual when it comes to sex, but women are more emotional. Yes, there’s some crossover, but this is nevertheless a fundamental truth. Therefore, foreplay for women doesn’t begin with the physical attention she gets just before the headboard starts banging against the wall. It begins with thoughtful endeavors by her man that make her feel desired and sexy, which eventually lead to a craving in her heart and soul that can only be cured by him. Men have a tendency to rush into sex with the mistaken impression that the physical act is what it’s all about, and that’s a shame.
Verbal foreplay is a highly underrated phenomenon, and it works extremely well on both sexes. For a woman, messages about her beauty and sensuality are so important. And since she most certainly is beautiful and sensual, why not tell her in soft and sexy ways?
It’s also important for men to build anticipation. Sometimes it’s just as simple as little messages about what he wants to do to her, starting with delicate things like running his fingers through her hair, kissing her neck and nibbling on her ear. These acts also let her know she is cherished and appreciated, not just a female to be conquered. If the latter is a man’s consistent goal, his woman is going to lose interest in sex pretty quickly, at least with him.
3. Find Out What She Likes and Do It
Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? But most guys don’t ask, and most girls don’t volunteer this kind of delicate, classified information either. Nevertheless, it doesn’t take a genius to know that all women are different. Everyone’s body is unique, so while one woman may go crazy being touched in a particular place, another may like it somewhere entirely different. Or just one millimeter that-a-way. Ah, yes. Perfect.
There’s also the question of HOW a woman likes to be touched, and it will often vary from one delightful location to the next, not to mention change with the level of heat involved. It’s not just a matter of pressure, but how much. Then there’s the matter of motion, whether it be circular, side to side, up and down, or some combination. And how about twists versus tugs, nibbles versus bites, and licking versus suction?
And what about the WHEN? Men are often teased for pouncing immediately on a woman’s breasts, whereas some women prefer for that to happen later. And then there’s the pièce de résistance, which is the way she likes being “done”. It’s not just about the position, but the angle, speed, depth, and where to focus the pressure. Women are complicated creatures, both physically and emotionally, and guys need to get on board with that.
The point is that a man probably won’t find out all this important stuff without asking, and doing so during the act can get a little awkward (“How does that feel, honey? Good?”). So a man shouldn’t hesitate to ask, and Jack thinks it can be the exact opposite of awkward. Instead, it should be part of the verbal foreplay and sexy as hell.
Consider sitting on the floor together with a bottle of wine and telling her you want to discover everything about her, which includes knowing the subtle nuances of every intimate part of her body. Make it fun, daring and oh so personal. Perhaps even get her naked and experiment on her. That means you’re not having sex, but conducting an intimate exploration that just happens to result in tantalizing foreplay.
4. Pleasure Her Before You Pleasure Her
As we all know, unlike the male species, women have the capability of experiencing multiple climaxes, so there’s no reason why a man shouldn’t make the most of that. Besides, for most women, the more they have, the more they want.
In Jack’s experience, most women also love being the recipient of oral sex, whether it takes them all the way or not. But one thing is for sure. If it doesn’t achieve the desired effect, there’s definitely a technique that WILL, so a man needs to find out what it is and make it happen (see point #3). If he’s really lucky, she doesn’t know what that is yet, and they can figure it out together.
Jack just has one piece of advice: don’t be intimidated by the prospect of including toys, especially ones that vibrate. If men understood how much they increase a woman’s desire for sex, they would be buying them for their wives and girlfriends by the case instead of naively believing them to be a “substitute” for a man. They are the exact opposite.
But it doesn’t have to be all about orgasms. There are so many attentive things to bring her a desirable level of bliss such as massages, foot rubs, back scratching, applying lotions or oils, bathing her, shampooing her hair, and so much more. One just needs to get creative.
5. Arouse Her Sensibilities
We talked about how emotions play such an important part in building up to sex. But what about during the act itself?
Jack likes to ping a woman’s sensibilities and maybe even give her something new to process while he’s making love to her. Perhaps it’s stirring up a twinge of fear by making her believe he’s going to lose control on her, or letting her know how beautiful she is, or telling her how amazing she feels. As we learned in Psychology 101, women love being adored and desired, so why not let them know it’s true? The important thing is to determine what might ignite an emotional spark in your woman, and exploit it.
But Jack will always let a girl know when he’s approaching the moment, whether it’s through noises, actions or some breathy, erotic declaration, because let’s face it. It’s a huge turn-on when we find out our partner is about to explode, and it immediately throws us on the same track. I think this is particularly true for women because it is so enticing to know their beauty and sensuality were responsible for making it happen.
Of course, hardly any of this matters when two people are in a torrential lust storm, and all they can think of is tearing each other’s clothes off. In that case, go ahead and be an animal.
We can all be flexible, right?
Cheers.
But how does he consistently knock the ball out of the park? Well, here are a few of his secrets, and I’ll do my best to keep the descriptions PG-13. If you feel that I’ve taken it too far, you can always move on to one of my blogs about chipmunks.
So, here goes:
1. Start Off with the Right Mindset
A frequent mistake men make in bed is allowing their primal instincts to control them. It’s not that those instincts aren’t useful at the right time, but if we surrender to the innate programming that tells us to “plant our seed” and focus exclusively on chasing down our big moment, no one is going to look back on the escapade as anything special. Not even the male participant in the equation.
The point is we aren’t just animals. We are intelligent creatures who use our brains to improve our quality of life in every possible way. So we must temper those primeval instincts and balance them with thoughtfulness, caring and…strategy.
So, what makes a woman think a man is great in bed? It’s pretty simple, really, if not totally obvious. He focuses entirely on her pleasure and makes it clear that nothing else is more important. Not even his own, personal gratification. However, he ends up being so tantalized by what he’s rousing in her (sounds, movements, tastes, smells) that his own pleasure is inevitable, and it eventually hits him like an asteroid scorching the Earth, leaving him unable to resist. He gets what he ultimately craves by association, and it’s so much yummier that way.
2. Focus on the Emotional before the Physical
Moving along with the concept of solely intending to provide pleasure, let’s look at some ways we men can do that.
First, it’s important to recognize that men are intensely visual when it comes to sex, but women are more emotional. Yes, there’s some crossover, but this is nevertheless a fundamental truth. Therefore, foreplay for women doesn’t begin with the physical attention she gets just before the headboard starts banging against the wall. It begins with thoughtful endeavors by her man that make her feel desired and sexy, which eventually lead to a craving in her heart and soul that can only be cured by him. Men have a tendency to rush into sex with the mistaken impression that the physical act is what it’s all about, and that’s a shame.
Verbal foreplay is a highly underrated phenomenon, and it works extremely well on both sexes. For a woman, messages about her beauty and sensuality are so important. And since she most certainly is beautiful and sensual, why not tell her in soft and sexy ways?
It’s also important for men to build anticipation. Sometimes it’s just as simple as little messages about what he wants to do to her, starting with delicate things like running his fingers through her hair, kissing her neck and nibbling on her ear. These acts also let her know she is cherished and appreciated, not just a female to be conquered. If the latter is a man’s consistent goal, his woman is going to lose interest in sex pretty quickly, at least with him.
3. Find Out What She Likes and Do It
Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? But most guys don’t ask, and most girls don’t volunteer this kind of delicate, classified information either. Nevertheless, it doesn’t take a genius to know that all women are different. Everyone’s body is unique, so while one woman may go crazy being touched in a particular place, another may like it somewhere entirely different. Or just one millimeter that-a-way. Ah, yes. Perfect.
There’s also the question of HOW a woman likes to be touched, and it will often vary from one delightful location to the next, not to mention change with the level of heat involved. It’s not just a matter of pressure, but how much. Then there’s the matter of motion, whether it be circular, side to side, up and down, or some combination. And how about twists versus tugs, nibbles versus bites, and licking versus suction?
And what about the WHEN? Men are often teased for pouncing immediately on a woman’s breasts, whereas some women prefer for that to happen later. And then there’s the pièce de résistance, which is the way she likes being “done”. It’s not just about the position, but the angle, speed, depth, and where to focus the pressure. Women are complicated creatures, both physically and emotionally, and guys need to get on board with that.
The point is that a man probably won’t find out all this important stuff without asking, and doing so during the act can get a little awkward (“How does that feel, honey? Good?”). So a man shouldn’t hesitate to ask, and Jack thinks it can be the exact opposite of awkward. Instead, it should be part of the verbal foreplay and sexy as hell.
Consider sitting on the floor together with a bottle of wine and telling her you want to discover everything about her, which includes knowing the subtle nuances of every intimate part of her body. Make it fun, daring and oh so personal. Perhaps even get her naked and experiment on her. That means you’re not having sex, but conducting an intimate exploration that just happens to result in tantalizing foreplay.
4. Pleasure Her Before You Pleasure Her
As we all know, unlike the male species, women have the capability of experiencing multiple climaxes, so there’s no reason why a man shouldn’t make the most of that. Besides, for most women, the more they have, the more they want.
In Jack’s experience, most women also love being the recipient of oral sex, whether it takes them all the way or not. But one thing is for sure. If it doesn’t achieve the desired effect, there’s definitely a technique that WILL, so a man needs to find out what it is and make it happen (see point #3). If he’s really lucky, she doesn’t know what that is yet, and they can figure it out together.
Jack just has one piece of advice: don’t be intimidated by the prospect of including toys, especially ones that vibrate. If men understood how much they increase a woman’s desire for sex, they would be buying them for their wives and girlfriends by the case instead of naively believing them to be a “substitute” for a man. They are the exact opposite.
But it doesn’t have to be all about orgasms. There are so many attentive things to bring her a desirable level of bliss such as massages, foot rubs, back scratching, applying lotions or oils, bathing her, shampooing her hair, and so much more. One just needs to get creative.
5. Arouse Her Sensibilities
We talked about how emotions play such an important part in building up to sex. But what about during the act itself?
Jack likes to ping a woman’s sensibilities and maybe even give her something new to process while he’s making love to her. Perhaps it’s stirring up a twinge of fear by making her believe he’s going to lose control on her, or letting her know how beautiful she is, or telling her how amazing she feels. As we learned in Psychology 101, women love being adored and desired, so why not let them know it’s true? The important thing is to determine what might ignite an emotional spark in your woman, and exploit it.
But Jack will always let a girl know when he’s approaching the moment, whether it’s through noises, actions or some breathy, erotic declaration, because let’s face it. It’s a huge turn-on when we find out our partner is about to explode, and it immediately throws us on the same track. I think this is particularly true for women because it is so enticing to know their beauty and sensuality were responsible for making it happen.
Of course, hardly any of this matters when two people are in a torrential lust storm, and all they can think of is tearing each other’s clothes off. In that case, go ahead and be an animal.
We can all be flexible, right?
Cheers.
March 28, 2014
The New Art of Being a Gentleman
A lot has changed over the last few decades with respect to our roles as males and females of the human species, and I think most of it has been great. In particular, anything that even suggests a lack of equality between men and women should be eliminated from our existence, and some of it clearly has.
However, there’s a big difference between equality and “sameness”.
Frankly, I don’t want women to be the same as men. I think all the unique characteristics about women that make them women are wonderful and amazing. They cause my heart to beat faster and bring a mesmerizing smile to my face. But if the solution to inequality is for women to change, to be more like men, then we’re definitely going about it the wrong way. Instead, we all need to be respected and treated equally for exactly who we are. Our differences should shine instead of being pushed into the shadows.
That being said, I still think there are some quasi-traditional roles men should continue to fulfill within the context of our better world, and they are the secrets to being a modern day gentleman.
Most of these stem from the underlying reality that men are built bigger and stronger than women. Why is that? So we can fulfill our innate responsibility to protect and take care of our mate (and family). And I think that’s pretty darn romantic. Has there been a genetic mutation in our species to change that? No. So let’s see how we can work it into today’s society without impacting our relationship equality.
First, men need to develop an ongoing, gentleman mindset. They should remain aware, from one situation to the next, how they can “serve and protect” their treasured mate, and in some cases women in general. For example, I am a true believer in holding hands, opening doors, helping her over dangerous terrain (especially if she’s wearing heels), walking her to her car, and instinctively positioning oneself between her and any potential source of danger at all times. This is the role of the protector, which should never suggest a level of superiority. Instead, it is seen as a responsibility and an honor.
When it comes to “serving”, the romantic in me feels a little Cary Grant is in order. I think men should make their women cocktails, bring them coffee, learn about wines (including the ones she loves) so they can make the right selection at a restaurant, give impromptu massages or foot rubs, and always take the time to do things right in bed (*wink*). I also think men should handle the unsavory jobs around the house like taking out the trash, dealing with pet accidents, and cleaning clogged drains. He should, in essence, treat his woman like a princess.
If you’re a woman reading this, and you think being a princess is denigrating in some way, just keep in mind that princesses are royalty. So what could possibly be wrong with that? Besides, you’re beautiful when you wear a tiara.
If you’re a man reading this, and you think I’ve lost my mind, you clearly haven’t experienced what you get in return for the thoughtfulness and grand efforts of being a gentleman. We all get out of relationships what we put into them, and it has been my experience that a woman will knock herself out to do wonderful things for a man who does wonderful things for her.
It’s like random acts of kindness. They’re downright contagious. And here’s wishing plenty of those to brighten your day.
Cheers!
However, there’s a big difference between equality and “sameness”.
Frankly, I don’t want women to be the same as men. I think all the unique characteristics about women that make them women are wonderful and amazing. They cause my heart to beat faster and bring a mesmerizing smile to my face. But if the solution to inequality is for women to change, to be more like men, then we’re definitely going about it the wrong way. Instead, we all need to be respected and treated equally for exactly who we are. Our differences should shine instead of being pushed into the shadows.
That being said, I still think there are some quasi-traditional roles men should continue to fulfill within the context of our better world, and they are the secrets to being a modern day gentleman.
Most of these stem from the underlying reality that men are built bigger and stronger than women. Why is that? So we can fulfill our innate responsibility to protect and take care of our mate (and family). And I think that’s pretty darn romantic. Has there been a genetic mutation in our species to change that? No. So let’s see how we can work it into today’s society without impacting our relationship equality.
First, men need to develop an ongoing, gentleman mindset. They should remain aware, from one situation to the next, how they can “serve and protect” their treasured mate, and in some cases women in general. For example, I am a true believer in holding hands, opening doors, helping her over dangerous terrain (especially if she’s wearing heels), walking her to her car, and instinctively positioning oneself between her and any potential source of danger at all times. This is the role of the protector, which should never suggest a level of superiority. Instead, it is seen as a responsibility and an honor.
When it comes to “serving”, the romantic in me feels a little Cary Grant is in order. I think men should make their women cocktails, bring them coffee, learn about wines (including the ones she loves) so they can make the right selection at a restaurant, give impromptu massages or foot rubs, and always take the time to do things right in bed (*wink*). I also think men should handle the unsavory jobs around the house like taking out the trash, dealing with pet accidents, and cleaning clogged drains. He should, in essence, treat his woman like a princess.
If you’re a woman reading this, and you think being a princess is denigrating in some way, just keep in mind that princesses are royalty. So what could possibly be wrong with that? Besides, you’re beautiful when you wear a tiara.
If you’re a man reading this, and you think I’ve lost my mind, you clearly haven’t experienced what you get in return for the thoughtfulness and grand efforts of being a gentleman. We all get out of relationships what we put into them, and it has been my experience that a woman will knock herself out to do wonderful things for a man who does wonderful things for her.
It’s like random acts of kindness. They’re downright contagious. And here’s wishing plenty of those to brighten your day.
Cheers!
January 25, 2014
How to Flirt Like Jack Lazar
If you’ve read any of my novels, you probably noticed that Jack Lazar flirts with style and skill, and he usually (although not always) gets what he’s after. That’s because he’s learned a few things about what to do and, more importantly, what NOT to do when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex.
Fortunately, Jack has authorized me to pass on a few of his secrets, so here goes:
1. Dress well.
Women are particularly drawn to men who look stylish and elegant. After all, they spend a lot of time looking fabulous for us, so why shouldn’t we do the same for them?
Like Barney Stinson of HIMYM fame, you’ll often see Jack wearing a suit or at least a sport coat, even with jeans. His haircut is chic and carries a nice combination of control and disarray. He appears both sophisticated and affluent, which is what most women want in a man, after all.
If you come across a woman who’s looking for a sloppily dressed scalawag with no apparent prospects, you might want to move on...unless you happen to be one of those, in which case you can knock yourself out.
2. Don’t use an opening line.
If you’re a guy who usually agonizes over what to say to a pretty girl, rest assured that you never have to do it again. Just use the Jack Lazar approach by walking over and introducing yourself. What could possibly be simpler than that? Coming up with some witty and wholly unique line to break the ice is not only unnecessary, it’s virtually impossible. So keep it simple and natural like you have every reason to speak with each other instead of making it obvious that it’s up for debate.
After all, women are intelligent creatures who are often more astute than their male counterparts, so they really don’t appreciate a man who tries to pull one over on them. To the contrary, they value open and honest communication from the very start, which they hope will be carried throughout the duration of the relationship.
Yes, Jack usually comes up with one or two witty remarks to disarm the young lady he’s speaking with, but that won’t ever happen if he doesn’t make it past the introduction.
3. Buy any and all of her drinks.
Forget the anti-sexist remarks you may have heard to the contrary. Most women enjoy the romanticism of a man who accepts the chivalrous duty of buying her cocktails, even if it doesn’t lead to anything. If she actually doesn’t like being treated like a princess, you have another reason to move on, especially if you’re a hopeless romantic like Jack who loves to shower women with adoration and all the drinks that go along with it.
Of course, don’t use buying drinks as a pick-up line because you don’t need one, remember?
The words “May I buy you a drink” are just…well…crap. Establish contact first, man your post, then make it clear in a gentlemanly fashion that you will be buying her cocktails for the remainder of the evening. You are confident, in charge, and handling the situation in your role as an elegant and formidable male of the species, just like Jack.
4. You shouldn’t care if it works out.
Women can spot desperation in a heartbeat, and they won’t hesitate to drop back and punt (yay for football analogies!). So Jack has a simple strategy – flirt for fun. How can he possibly convey an air of power and sophistication if he’s hanging desperately on the results?
Besides, you’re out on the town to enjoy yourself, so it makes sense to have a good time no matter what. Life is too short to do otherwise, don’t you think?
When Jack sees an opportunity to play, he plays, regardless of where it leads. Besides, sometimes wanting is an even better thing than having. I believe it was Spock who said that.
No, not the pediatrician/child psychiatrist. The Vulcan. From Star Trek. But I digress. And I’ve foolishly revealed my geek status. Brilliant.
5. Disarm her…just a little.
Okay, here’s where things get delicate. You don’t want to put her down or, God forbid, place her on the defensive. Flirting and mischievous banter should be about having fun (have you noticed a theme here?) as well as firing up the yin-yang in opposite sex relationships. So turn up the heat, just not too high.
Jack is always careful in these situations, but he evaluates the adventurous spirit in the women he’s interacting with and gets bold when he sees an opportunity.
Here’s what he did on a recent trip to Copenhagen when he approached a gorgeous and remarkably young-looking girl who was drinking a glass of Champagne at a bar. This puts everything together:
He strolled to the end of the bar and extended his hand. “Hi. I’m Jack Lazar.”
Her hand was ice cold, and she seemed to gravitate toward his warmth. “I’m Katarina. But my friends call me ‘Kat’.”
Jack grinned. “Of course they do.”
“Would you like to sit down?” Her accent was unusual, but sounded reasonably similar to the other Danish strains he had heard since arriving in Copenhagen. Still, there was something unique about hers, and it was remarkably appealing.
“Absolutely.” He took the adjoining barstool and turned to face her. “So, Kat. What are you doing here all by yourself? Isn’t this a school night?”
She narrowed her eyes. “May I assume that’s a commentary on how young I look?”
“You assume correctly.”
“Ha-ha. It just so happens I’m twenty-six.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” She nodded her head, eyebrows emphatically raised.
“I never would have guessed. So, what do you do for a living?”
Please don’t say hooker. Please don’t say hooker.
“I’m an accountant.”
Thank God.
“An accountant? You don’t look like an accountant.”
“Really? So, what does an accountant look like?”
Jack stroked his chin, realizing that he had just backed himself into a corner. But he was determined to play it cool. “Not like you, that’s for sure. You look more like a…”
She tilted her head. “Yes?”
“I don’t know. Like a…”
“Be careful, Jack. Like a what?”
“Like an NFL cheerleader. And with your rather sizeable head of hair, I’d say a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.”
Kat laughed. “You may not think a girl all the way over here in Scandinavia knows what that means, but I do.”
“Okay, then tell me.”
“It means I’m just here for my good looks, sex appeal and dancing ability…which, I might add, you haven’t even seen yet.”
“Yet? Well, I don’t have to see it. The way you look, no one will care if you can dance. Especially me.”
“Oh really?” She seemed to like that. A lot.
“Yeah, really.”
“So. What do you do for a living, Jack?”
“I’m in mergers and acquisitions.”
“That sounds interesting…if not highly lucrative.”
“I can’t complain.”
She smiled. “So you’re rich.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.” She visually examined his suit, tie and shoes before fondling the lapel of his jacket between her fingers. “Armani?”
“Yes.”
She glanced down. “Italian loafers?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And the tie looks…um…Valentino?”
“Damn, you’re good.”
(The previous excerpt was taken from Lazar’s Target, the latest Jack Lazar novel from Kevin Sterling)
Fortunately, Jack has authorized me to pass on a few of his secrets, so here goes:
1. Dress well.
Women are particularly drawn to men who look stylish and elegant. After all, they spend a lot of time looking fabulous for us, so why shouldn’t we do the same for them?
Like Barney Stinson of HIMYM fame, you’ll often see Jack wearing a suit or at least a sport coat, even with jeans. His haircut is chic and carries a nice combination of control and disarray. He appears both sophisticated and affluent, which is what most women want in a man, after all.
If you come across a woman who’s looking for a sloppily dressed scalawag with no apparent prospects, you might want to move on...unless you happen to be one of those, in which case you can knock yourself out.
2. Don’t use an opening line.
If you’re a guy who usually agonizes over what to say to a pretty girl, rest assured that you never have to do it again. Just use the Jack Lazar approach by walking over and introducing yourself. What could possibly be simpler than that? Coming up with some witty and wholly unique line to break the ice is not only unnecessary, it’s virtually impossible. So keep it simple and natural like you have every reason to speak with each other instead of making it obvious that it’s up for debate.
After all, women are intelligent creatures who are often more astute than their male counterparts, so they really don’t appreciate a man who tries to pull one over on them. To the contrary, they value open and honest communication from the very start, which they hope will be carried throughout the duration of the relationship.
Yes, Jack usually comes up with one or two witty remarks to disarm the young lady he’s speaking with, but that won’t ever happen if he doesn’t make it past the introduction.
3. Buy any and all of her drinks.
Forget the anti-sexist remarks you may have heard to the contrary. Most women enjoy the romanticism of a man who accepts the chivalrous duty of buying her cocktails, even if it doesn’t lead to anything. If she actually doesn’t like being treated like a princess, you have another reason to move on, especially if you’re a hopeless romantic like Jack who loves to shower women with adoration and all the drinks that go along with it.
Of course, don’t use buying drinks as a pick-up line because you don’t need one, remember?
The words “May I buy you a drink” are just…well…crap. Establish contact first, man your post, then make it clear in a gentlemanly fashion that you will be buying her cocktails for the remainder of the evening. You are confident, in charge, and handling the situation in your role as an elegant and formidable male of the species, just like Jack.
4. You shouldn’t care if it works out.
Women can spot desperation in a heartbeat, and they won’t hesitate to drop back and punt (yay for football analogies!). So Jack has a simple strategy – flirt for fun. How can he possibly convey an air of power and sophistication if he’s hanging desperately on the results?
Besides, you’re out on the town to enjoy yourself, so it makes sense to have a good time no matter what. Life is too short to do otherwise, don’t you think?
When Jack sees an opportunity to play, he plays, regardless of where it leads. Besides, sometimes wanting is an even better thing than having. I believe it was Spock who said that.
No, not the pediatrician/child psychiatrist. The Vulcan. From Star Trek. But I digress. And I’ve foolishly revealed my geek status. Brilliant.
5. Disarm her…just a little.
Okay, here’s where things get delicate. You don’t want to put her down or, God forbid, place her on the defensive. Flirting and mischievous banter should be about having fun (have you noticed a theme here?) as well as firing up the yin-yang in opposite sex relationships. So turn up the heat, just not too high.
Jack is always careful in these situations, but he evaluates the adventurous spirit in the women he’s interacting with and gets bold when he sees an opportunity.
Here’s what he did on a recent trip to Copenhagen when he approached a gorgeous and remarkably young-looking girl who was drinking a glass of Champagne at a bar. This puts everything together:
He strolled to the end of the bar and extended his hand. “Hi. I’m Jack Lazar.”
Her hand was ice cold, and she seemed to gravitate toward his warmth. “I’m Katarina. But my friends call me ‘Kat’.”
Jack grinned. “Of course they do.”
“Would you like to sit down?” Her accent was unusual, but sounded reasonably similar to the other Danish strains he had heard since arriving in Copenhagen. Still, there was something unique about hers, and it was remarkably appealing.
“Absolutely.” He took the adjoining barstool and turned to face her. “So, Kat. What are you doing here all by yourself? Isn’t this a school night?”
She narrowed her eyes. “May I assume that’s a commentary on how young I look?”
“You assume correctly.”
“Ha-ha. It just so happens I’m twenty-six.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” She nodded her head, eyebrows emphatically raised.
“I never would have guessed. So, what do you do for a living?”
Please don’t say hooker. Please don’t say hooker.
“I’m an accountant.”
Thank God.
“An accountant? You don’t look like an accountant.”
“Really? So, what does an accountant look like?”
Jack stroked his chin, realizing that he had just backed himself into a corner. But he was determined to play it cool. “Not like you, that’s for sure. You look more like a…”
She tilted her head. “Yes?”
“I don’t know. Like a…”
“Be careful, Jack. Like a what?”
“Like an NFL cheerleader. And with your rather sizeable head of hair, I’d say a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.”
Kat laughed. “You may not think a girl all the way over here in Scandinavia knows what that means, but I do.”
“Okay, then tell me.”
“It means I’m just here for my good looks, sex appeal and dancing ability…which, I might add, you haven’t even seen yet.”
“Yet? Well, I don’t have to see it. The way you look, no one will care if you can dance. Especially me.”
“Oh really?” She seemed to like that. A lot.
“Yeah, really.”
“So. What do you do for a living, Jack?”
“I’m in mergers and acquisitions.”
“That sounds interesting…if not highly lucrative.”
“I can’t complain.”
She smiled. “So you’re rich.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.” She visually examined his suit, tie and shoes before fondling the lapel of his jacket between her fingers. “Armani?”
“Yes.”
She glanced down. “Italian loafers?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And the tie looks…um…Valentino?”
“Damn, you’re good.”
(The previous excerpt was taken from Lazar’s Target, the latest Jack Lazar novel from Kevin Sterling)
January 16, 2014
Five Truths About Men and Sex that Women Can Exploit
As an author who includes erotica in my novels, I’ve spent a lot of time developing an understanding of how men and women independently relate to sex, and I’m sure you’re aware that there are vast differences between the two.
Granted, we all know what it’s like to be in the heat of the moment, ripping each other’s clothes off with the desperate need to physically connect. But I'm really talking about what gets us to that point.
None of these phenomena are cut-and-dried, of course, since there’s a fair amount of crossover between the sexes, so I’m not suggesting that all of these characteristics are exclusively male. The point I’m trying to make is that women who want a little (or a lot of) attention in the bedroom can easily use these tidbits to their advantage. You’ll see what I mean.
1. Men are visual.
Have you ever wondered why men are so much more obsessed with porn than women? It’s because we’re programmed that way. Just the sight of a beautiful girl, not to mention various parts of her body, can fire up all sorts of physical sensations that tell us to ravage her at once and plant our seed. It’s a God-given primordial response intended to sustain our species. So the visual part of sex is huge for men (no pun intended). Just don’t blame us because it really wasn’t our idea, and we do our best to keep our innate reactions under control.
So, if a woman is looking for some physical attention, she’s not doing herself any favors by jumping under the covers in a full-length nightgown and flipping off the lights. Hell, I’ve been known to turn on my bedside lamp when things get busy in the middle of the night because, after all, I really want to see what’s going on. Instead, a woman should put on something sexy and revealing, or just come to bed naked and allow herself to be bathed in light.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re not a Victoria’s Secret model, so you’re body isn’t perfect, and you’re a little shy about flaunting it like a stripper. But, you want to know something? We men really don’t care. You can be seductive as hell any time you want, and when it comes to sex, we are all about conquering our women and playing with their goodies. You’ve got everything we want, baby, so bring it on.
2. Men love being teased.
This phenomenon plays right into the primordial response we discussed earlier. In essence, teasing a man is like firing up his primitive urges to the point where he can’t control himself any longer. Women instinctively know this and do their part in the procreation process by making themselves as desirable as possible. We learned in Psychology 101 that the innate need to be sought after is the foundation underlying women’s obsession with their own beauty, what they wear, etc. So go ahead and take that to the next level.
My suggestion here is to throw something different at your man that you may never have done before like putting a pair of panties spritzed with your perfume in his briefcase so he’ll discover them at the office (I can flat out guarantee he will smell them). Leave suggestive notes where he’ll find them. Show up wearing nothing but a coat, flash your body, and walk off. Expose a breast to him somewhere dangerous when no one else is looking. Whisper in his ear and tell him what you’re going to do to him when you get home. Reveal to him that you’re not wearing panties just before you get off the phone. Tell him your skin is dry, hand him a bottle of body butter, strip naked, and tell him you need it rubbed absolutely everywhere…pretty please.
You get the idea.
3. Men really do like your high heels.
High heels do more than just make a woman’s legs look fantastic. They’re a sexual feast for the eyes.
I really have no explanation for this other than the preponderance of naughty videos where women leave their heels on, thereby programming men in a quasi-Pavlovian fashion to associate high heels with sex. But the point is, you can drive a man crazy by showing up in the bedroom (or wherever) wearing nothing but a pair of high-heeled strappy sandals or sleek leather boots. Be sure to leave them on during “the act”, but be careful not to rip up your bed linens.
Hey, it’s a risk you’ll have to take. If you can’t stand it, temporarily switch out the 1,000-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets for a cheap set from Wal-Mart.
4. Men want to be revered.
You may have noticed by now that this blog article is founded on the premise that sex is a primeval act and therefore highly influenced by things that trigger those instincts. If you did, then congrats. That’s exactly what I’m saying.
So let’s go back to the cave man days when men were the instinctual protectors of their female mates. It was our role back then to be the strong leader of our family, and we still cling to that mentality as best we can today with a mind on integrating it into our modern culture.
Therefore, criticizing a man, particularly in a way that impugns his masculinity, will shut down his sex drive. Plain and simple. But building him up and implying how strong and manly he is will do exactly the opposite, thereby encouraging your virile cave man to be up in your business in no time. Whatever he’s doing wrong at the moment, and I’m sure there’s plenty, can wait until tomorrow, right?
So go ahead and coo about how wonderful he is. He just better do the same for you because, after all, you deserve it.
5. Men are simple creatures.
One of the classic premises of rom-coms is the fact that women over-complicate relationships, and men are just along for the ride. Oh, how true it is.
When a guy says something, he probably means just that, and layers of feelings and hidden messages aren’t lingering behind it. So, it stands to reason that keeping sex simple with your man is a good idea. He’s not thinking about all the issues that need to be worked out before he’s ready to touch you again. He’d rather just tear your clothes off, have his way with you, and worry about all that crap later. In fact, tomorrow would be good. Or next weekend.
Besides, you have physical needs, and there’s nothing wrong with having them satisfied. So just forget about anything and everything that might be going on, tell him you need him to rock your world right this minute, and get naked.
You noticed how that last bit was a common theme? Good. You’re catching on, darling.
Granted, we all know what it’s like to be in the heat of the moment, ripping each other’s clothes off with the desperate need to physically connect. But I'm really talking about what gets us to that point.
None of these phenomena are cut-and-dried, of course, since there’s a fair amount of crossover between the sexes, so I’m not suggesting that all of these characteristics are exclusively male. The point I’m trying to make is that women who want a little (or a lot of) attention in the bedroom can easily use these tidbits to their advantage. You’ll see what I mean.
1. Men are visual.
Have you ever wondered why men are so much more obsessed with porn than women? It’s because we’re programmed that way. Just the sight of a beautiful girl, not to mention various parts of her body, can fire up all sorts of physical sensations that tell us to ravage her at once and plant our seed. It’s a God-given primordial response intended to sustain our species. So the visual part of sex is huge for men (no pun intended). Just don’t blame us because it really wasn’t our idea, and we do our best to keep our innate reactions under control.
So, if a woman is looking for some physical attention, she’s not doing herself any favors by jumping under the covers in a full-length nightgown and flipping off the lights. Hell, I’ve been known to turn on my bedside lamp when things get busy in the middle of the night because, after all, I really want to see what’s going on. Instead, a woman should put on something sexy and revealing, or just come to bed naked and allow herself to be bathed in light.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re not a Victoria’s Secret model, so you’re body isn’t perfect, and you’re a little shy about flaunting it like a stripper. But, you want to know something? We men really don’t care. You can be seductive as hell any time you want, and when it comes to sex, we are all about conquering our women and playing with their goodies. You’ve got everything we want, baby, so bring it on.
2. Men love being teased.
This phenomenon plays right into the primordial response we discussed earlier. In essence, teasing a man is like firing up his primitive urges to the point where he can’t control himself any longer. Women instinctively know this and do their part in the procreation process by making themselves as desirable as possible. We learned in Psychology 101 that the innate need to be sought after is the foundation underlying women’s obsession with their own beauty, what they wear, etc. So go ahead and take that to the next level.
My suggestion here is to throw something different at your man that you may never have done before like putting a pair of panties spritzed with your perfume in his briefcase so he’ll discover them at the office (I can flat out guarantee he will smell them). Leave suggestive notes where he’ll find them. Show up wearing nothing but a coat, flash your body, and walk off. Expose a breast to him somewhere dangerous when no one else is looking. Whisper in his ear and tell him what you’re going to do to him when you get home. Reveal to him that you’re not wearing panties just before you get off the phone. Tell him your skin is dry, hand him a bottle of body butter, strip naked, and tell him you need it rubbed absolutely everywhere…pretty please.
You get the idea.
3. Men really do like your high heels.
High heels do more than just make a woman’s legs look fantastic. They’re a sexual feast for the eyes.
I really have no explanation for this other than the preponderance of naughty videos where women leave their heels on, thereby programming men in a quasi-Pavlovian fashion to associate high heels with sex. But the point is, you can drive a man crazy by showing up in the bedroom (or wherever) wearing nothing but a pair of high-heeled strappy sandals or sleek leather boots. Be sure to leave them on during “the act”, but be careful not to rip up your bed linens.
Hey, it’s a risk you’ll have to take. If you can’t stand it, temporarily switch out the 1,000-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets for a cheap set from Wal-Mart.
4. Men want to be revered.
You may have noticed by now that this blog article is founded on the premise that sex is a primeval act and therefore highly influenced by things that trigger those instincts. If you did, then congrats. That’s exactly what I’m saying.
So let’s go back to the cave man days when men were the instinctual protectors of their female mates. It was our role back then to be the strong leader of our family, and we still cling to that mentality as best we can today with a mind on integrating it into our modern culture.
Therefore, criticizing a man, particularly in a way that impugns his masculinity, will shut down his sex drive. Plain and simple. But building him up and implying how strong and manly he is will do exactly the opposite, thereby encouraging your virile cave man to be up in your business in no time. Whatever he’s doing wrong at the moment, and I’m sure there’s plenty, can wait until tomorrow, right?
So go ahead and coo about how wonderful he is. He just better do the same for you because, after all, you deserve it.
5. Men are simple creatures.
One of the classic premises of rom-coms is the fact that women over-complicate relationships, and men are just along for the ride. Oh, how true it is.
When a guy says something, he probably means just that, and layers of feelings and hidden messages aren’t lingering behind it. So, it stands to reason that keeping sex simple with your man is a good idea. He’s not thinking about all the issues that need to be worked out before he’s ready to touch you again. He’d rather just tear your clothes off, have his way with you, and worry about all that crap later. In fact, tomorrow would be good. Or next weekend.
Besides, you have physical needs, and there’s nothing wrong with having them satisfied. So just forget about anything and everything that might be going on, tell him you need him to rock your world right this minute, and get naked.
You noticed how that last bit was a common theme? Good. You’re catching on, darling.
December 13, 2013
The Magic of Kissing
I've seen a number of articles on kissing recently, most of which approach the subject in a scientific way, quote academic journals, cite the results of surveys, etc. They talk about how kissing is "fun" (hell yeah, it is!), but they don't talk about the magic.
In a nutshell, the conclusions are that we use kissing to size up potential mates via sensory clues including taste, sound and smell. We've already decided that we like the way they look, their body language, their attitude and how they communicate. So we kiss them to see if the chemistry is there.
Hmm. That's all fine and good, and for the most part I like to know how things work. But when it comes to physically interacting with a woman, I'm not sure I want to know WHY I like doing it.
I personally think it's because they are the yummiest creatures on Earth. But I digress.
Perhaps there's something to the "sizing up" thing at the very beginning of a relationship because we've all kissed people who we didn't click with. It's an awkward mess that takes a turn for the worst if we ignore the lack of chemistry and decide to resolve our pent-up sexual desires by sleeping with them anyway.
You've been there before, just like I have. Haven't you? C'mon, I won't tell anyone. Aha! I knew it.
The awkwardness turns to outright discomfort, and the sexual act itself is so pathetic that you can't help but laugh about it afterwards. If you haven't, you should really try. After all, you've had great sex, so you know it's not your fault. It's just that the person with whom you naively danced the horizontal mambo wasn't a good fit...perhaps literally and figuratively.
But how do scientists explain the overwhelming visceral need to give someone a devouring, tongue-thrusted kiss that flows with perfection and causes us to tear each other's clothes off? That has nothing to do with "sizing up", now does it? Really, it's all about perfect attraction, primordial desire, and either love or lust or some heavenly combination of the two.
In other words: it's MAGIC, pure and simple. And that's good enough for me.
In a nutshell, the conclusions are that we use kissing to size up potential mates via sensory clues including taste, sound and smell. We've already decided that we like the way they look, their body language, their attitude and how they communicate. So we kiss them to see if the chemistry is there.
Hmm. That's all fine and good, and for the most part I like to know how things work. But when it comes to physically interacting with a woman, I'm not sure I want to know WHY I like doing it.
I personally think it's because they are the yummiest creatures on Earth. But I digress.
Perhaps there's something to the "sizing up" thing at the very beginning of a relationship because we've all kissed people who we didn't click with. It's an awkward mess that takes a turn for the worst if we ignore the lack of chemistry and decide to resolve our pent-up sexual desires by sleeping with them anyway.
You've been there before, just like I have. Haven't you? C'mon, I won't tell anyone. Aha! I knew it.
The awkwardness turns to outright discomfort, and the sexual act itself is so pathetic that you can't help but laugh about it afterwards. If you haven't, you should really try. After all, you've had great sex, so you know it's not your fault. It's just that the person with whom you naively danced the horizontal mambo wasn't a good fit...perhaps literally and figuratively.
But how do scientists explain the overwhelming visceral need to give someone a devouring, tongue-thrusted kiss that flows with perfection and causes us to tear each other's clothes off? That has nothing to do with "sizing up", now does it? Really, it's all about perfect attraction, primordial desire, and either love or lust or some heavenly combination of the two.
In other words: it's MAGIC, pure and simple. And that's good enough for me.
November 29, 2013
Preventing and Curing the Holiday Hangover
As we head into the holiday season, many of us will be hosting and/or attending multiple parties with free-flowing alcohol. And what's the inevitable consequence? Hangovers.
Yuck.
Here at the ranch, Cocktail hour is 5:00pm every single day. If the weather is nice, my wife and I will sit outside on the patio, sometimes with the fire pit set ablaze, and discuss our dinner strategy over cocktails while we gaze at the mountains...or at each other. Of course, the latter may result in a cocktail hour delay (*wink*), but I digress.
While my wife and I do drink regularly, we don't drink excessively unless friends and family come to stay with us, especially when the evening's activities include Wii Bowling for tequila shots! We have lots of bedrooms, which means no one is going anywhere at the end of the evening, so people generally don't worry about over-imbibing. At those times, our place is referred to as "The Party Ranch", and it often lives up to the name.
Anyway, it's safe to say we have some experience with preventing and treating hangovers, and here are a few things we've learned. I'll just assume everyone out there plans to do their drinking responsibly.
FIVE PREVENTATIVE MEASURES
1. Drink Lots of Water Throughout the Evening. Alcohol is a diuretic, so it's important to rehydrate while you drink. My rule is a full glass of water or more to offset each cocktail or glass of wine. Hangover headaches are primarily a result of dehydration, so this is a great preventative measure.
2. Replenish Your Electrolytes. In addition to rehydrating with water, you need to replace your electrolytes at the end of the evening. Fruit juice or a sports drink like Gatorade is fine, but the best choice is coconut water, which is rich in electrolytes and minerals, especially potassium. If you don't have coconut water, eat a banana along with your choice of hydrating drink.
3. Take 2 or 3 Ibuprofen or Aspirin at Bedtime. While both aspirin and ibuprofen add to the blood-thinning effects of alcohol, the assumption is you'll be sound asleep for the rest of the night, not running around with a pair of scissors or a chain saw. Tylenol (acetaminophen) mixed with alcohol can cause liver damage, so don't go there. And constant use of alcohol with ibuprofen or aspirin can cause damage to your stomach lining, so if you habitually overdrink, be careful.
4. Take Vitamins. Alcohol depletes anti-oxidants and vitamins, particularly the B's. Preloading with vitamin supplements can help with the ultimate hangover, but keep in mind that it may take more alcohol to make you feel buzzed, therefore causing you to overdrink that much more. Nevertheless, whether you preload or not, definitely take a B-Complex supplement along with your aspirin or ibuprofen at bedtime.
5. Drink on a full stomach. Food reduces the amount of alcohol that enters your bloodstream, and fatty foods slow down the absorption of alcohol, so splurge on that juicy burger or cheese platter. The reason bars offer free snacks is because they enable you to drink more. And of course, salty snacks make you more thirsty. Clever.
FIVE REMEDIES
You followed all the preventative measures, but they didn't work because you drank like an elephant. So now we're stuck with treating your pain. Try some of these recommendations:
1. Drink Another Coconut Water in the Morning. As I mentioned earlier, the dehydration and loss of electrolytes is hurting you the most, so keep loading up on coconut water, fruit juice, sports drinks and/or regular water.
2. Don't Drink Lots of Coffee. I know. This goes against everything we've been taught, but coffee is also a diuretic. In addition, it constricts your blood vessels and increases blood pressure, all of which will exacerbate a headache. One cup in the morning is probably fine, especially to avoid caffeine withdrawal on top of the hangover, but several cups will probably do more harm than good.
3. Take a Steam. Okay, we don't all have access to a steam room, so try a long hot shower instead. The point is to increase sweating in order to secrete more alcohol through the sweat glands, thereby speeding up the process and reducing the load on your liver. However, all that sweating will require you to hydrate a lot more, and not doing so could be life-threatening. So drink lots and lots of water. Think of it like a radiator flush for your endocrine system.
4. Exercise. I know what you're thinking - are you crazy? I can barely stand up, and you expect me to aerobicize? Well, uh, yes. But only if you can comfortably manage it. Sweating from exercise is even better than the steam room. On top of that, exercising speeds up your metabolism and significantly ramps up the process of getting it out of your system. As Nike says, "Just Do It!"
5. Sleep. The more sleep you can get before you're up and around, the better, as it concentrates all your energy on metabolizing the alcohol. If you wake up and find yourself too miserable to sleep, get up just to rehydrate and replace those electrolytes and vitamins, then go back to bed.
Happy holidays, be safe, and have fun out there.
Yuck.
Here at the ranch, Cocktail hour is 5:00pm every single day. If the weather is nice, my wife and I will sit outside on the patio, sometimes with the fire pit set ablaze, and discuss our dinner strategy over cocktails while we gaze at the mountains...or at each other. Of course, the latter may result in a cocktail hour delay (*wink*), but I digress.
While my wife and I do drink regularly, we don't drink excessively unless friends and family come to stay with us, especially when the evening's activities include Wii Bowling for tequila shots! We have lots of bedrooms, which means no one is going anywhere at the end of the evening, so people generally don't worry about over-imbibing. At those times, our place is referred to as "The Party Ranch", and it often lives up to the name.
Anyway, it's safe to say we have some experience with preventing and treating hangovers, and here are a few things we've learned. I'll just assume everyone out there plans to do their drinking responsibly.
FIVE PREVENTATIVE MEASURES
1. Drink Lots of Water Throughout the Evening. Alcohol is a diuretic, so it's important to rehydrate while you drink. My rule is a full glass of water or more to offset each cocktail or glass of wine. Hangover headaches are primarily a result of dehydration, so this is a great preventative measure.
2. Replenish Your Electrolytes. In addition to rehydrating with water, you need to replace your electrolytes at the end of the evening. Fruit juice or a sports drink like Gatorade is fine, but the best choice is coconut water, which is rich in electrolytes and minerals, especially potassium. If you don't have coconut water, eat a banana along with your choice of hydrating drink.
3. Take 2 or 3 Ibuprofen or Aspirin at Bedtime. While both aspirin and ibuprofen add to the blood-thinning effects of alcohol, the assumption is you'll be sound asleep for the rest of the night, not running around with a pair of scissors or a chain saw. Tylenol (acetaminophen) mixed with alcohol can cause liver damage, so don't go there. And constant use of alcohol with ibuprofen or aspirin can cause damage to your stomach lining, so if you habitually overdrink, be careful.
4. Take Vitamins. Alcohol depletes anti-oxidants and vitamins, particularly the B's. Preloading with vitamin supplements can help with the ultimate hangover, but keep in mind that it may take more alcohol to make you feel buzzed, therefore causing you to overdrink that much more. Nevertheless, whether you preload or not, definitely take a B-Complex supplement along with your aspirin or ibuprofen at bedtime.
5. Drink on a full stomach. Food reduces the amount of alcohol that enters your bloodstream, and fatty foods slow down the absorption of alcohol, so splurge on that juicy burger or cheese platter. The reason bars offer free snacks is because they enable you to drink more. And of course, salty snacks make you more thirsty. Clever.
FIVE REMEDIES
You followed all the preventative measures, but they didn't work because you drank like an elephant. So now we're stuck with treating your pain. Try some of these recommendations:
1. Drink Another Coconut Water in the Morning. As I mentioned earlier, the dehydration and loss of electrolytes is hurting you the most, so keep loading up on coconut water, fruit juice, sports drinks and/or regular water.
2. Don't Drink Lots of Coffee. I know. This goes against everything we've been taught, but coffee is also a diuretic. In addition, it constricts your blood vessels and increases blood pressure, all of which will exacerbate a headache. One cup in the morning is probably fine, especially to avoid caffeine withdrawal on top of the hangover, but several cups will probably do more harm than good.
3. Take a Steam. Okay, we don't all have access to a steam room, so try a long hot shower instead. The point is to increase sweating in order to secrete more alcohol through the sweat glands, thereby speeding up the process and reducing the load on your liver. However, all that sweating will require you to hydrate a lot more, and not doing so could be life-threatening. So drink lots and lots of water. Think of it like a radiator flush for your endocrine system.
4. Exercise. I know what you're thinking - are you crazy? I can barely stand up, and you expect me to aerobicize? Well, uh, yes. But only if you can comfortably manage it. Sweating from exercise is even better than the steam room. On top of that, exercising speeds up your metabolism and significantly ramps up the process of getting it out of your system. As Nike says, "Just Do It!"
5. Sleep. The more sleep you can get before you're up and around, the better, as it concentrates all your energy on metabolizing the alcohol. If you wake up and find yourself too miserable to sleep, get up just to rehydrate and replace those electrolytes and vitamins, then go back to bed.
Happy holidays, be safe, and have fun out there.
November 15, 2013
Who is Jack Lazar?
Jack Lazar, the primary character in my Jack Lazar Series of action, mystery & suspense novels, is an electromagnet for trouble.
It's sometimes difficult to understand how or why, but it began on a beach one night at the brink of a raging storm when a beautiful woman was shot, and he raced to save her life. Since then, danger and mayhem haven't stopped coming at him.
Jack also has an obsession with women, and his inability to resist them is usually what gets him into trouble in the first place. You'd think, as the author of his books, that I could talk some sense into him. But I haven't had any luck. He needs to be who he needs to be, after all, whether I like it or not.
Take the following scene from Lazar's Challenge where Jack is trying his best NOT to sleep with a smoking hot French girl in Paris, and she's not happy about it:
“No other man has ever said no to me. What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing’s wrong with me. I told you, this is about loyalty and friendship, and those are damn good reasons for me to say no. Under any other circumstances…well…I doubt I could keep my hands off you.”
“Really?” She seemed to enjoy that little piece of knowledge.
“Yeah, really.”
“I would love to feel your hands on me, Jacques.”
Oh dear, I just created a monster.
“Michele, please.”
She released the clasp of her bra and let it fall away.
“Do you not want to touch these? Would you not like to put them in your mouth? They taste really nice, mon ami.” She raised a breast to her lips and ran her tongue around the nipple.
God help me.
“I can’t imagine anything more exciting than that, but you have to stop now.”
Michele rolled her eyes, picked up the bra and returned to the bathroom without saying a word. Jack watched through the mirror as she put it on again and began fiddling with her blouse.
Jack had smoothed over tough negotiations with dozens of high-dollar business deals. Surely, he could find some common ground with this woman.
“Look, Michele. I’m sure we can come to some sort of arrangement. Why don’t you just get in here, lie down, and I’ll hold you again, just like before.”
“Non. Merci.” Short and to the point.
“Let me put it another way. I’m not letting you leave.”
She laughed. “And what is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you aren’t walking out that door tonight.”
She stepped back into the room, now fully dressed in her flight attendant uniform, and she gave him a wicked smile. “How do you plan on stopping me? Are you going to tie me up?”
Jack couldn’t help but be amused. “If necessary. But it won’t be what you have in mind.”
Michele pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes in defiance.
He looked her up and down and waggled a finger at her. “You can take off the skirt and the shoes, but that’s it. Then get into bed.”
“I have not agreed to stay here. And I will not do it until you ask nicely.”
“I’ve already tried that.”
She laughed. “That was asking nicely?”
Impossible.
“Okay. Let’s start over. Now, Michele. Please stay the night with me. I really want you to be here, and it would be my honor to protect you.”
“I do not believe you.”
“Why not?”
“You sound insincere.”
“For chrissake, just get in the goddamn bed!”
“No blouse.”
“What?”
“I am not wearing the blouse. It is stiff, tight, uncomfortable, and it will bunch up underneath me. I do not like that.”
“A little while ago you got into bed with your skirt and your blouse. Seems like you’re already ahead of the game here.”
“I would never have fallen asleep like that.”
Jack sighed. “Don’t you have a nightgown around here or something?”
“I sleep naked.” She flashed him that wicked smile again. “You are lucky to have me in my bra and panties.”
That shot another bolt of fire to his groin.
Shit.
“Fine. But no funny business.” He raised a resolute eyebrow.
“I would not dream of it.”
“Uh-huh. Right.”
Michele began to undress again, this time doing it directly in front of Jack as she stared into his eyes. The woman simply wasn’t going to stop screwing with him. In no time she was back to her negligible bra and panties, and she slid into the bed, once again patting the mattress next to her. “C’mon, Jacques.”
He took a deep breath and obeyed, but this time positioned himself on top of the comforter so their bodies wouldn’t touch. Perhaps that would compensate for the “no blouse rule”.
Michele placed her head on Jack’s chest, and it seemed like she was trying to get situated, but in less than a minute she was back out of the covers with a generous portion of her body draped over Jack, her leg resting on his crotch, her arm slid underneath his neck. She writhed around several times, apparently trying to find the right position, and each time she brushed against his groin, arousing him again.
There was no question in Jack’s mind that she noticed his partial erection and was continuing to work him on purpose, perhaps to see how big she could get him.
Naughty little minx.
He couldn’t imagine anything more intimate, and once again he found himself struggling with a combination of guilt and intense sexual energy shooting up from his tailbone and intensifying in his chest. The kind of force that compels a man to succumb to his primitive instincts, to take a woman in no uncertain terms, to overpower her with his strength and plant his seed.
The urge was oh so hard to resist, but somehow Jack mustered up the strength to endure, and he began to relax as Michele finally drifted to sleep, her soft breath wafting across his neck, the faint aroma of red wine floating into his nostrils.
Eventually, his arousal graduated into a strange form of intoxication, and the torture subsided, finally giving him the means to make it through the night.
***
It probably goes without saying that Michele eventually ends up wearing down Jack's resistance, but you'll have to read the book to find out how.
Cheers.
It's sometimes difficult to understand how or why, but it began on a beach one night at the brink of a raging storm when a beautiful woman was shot, and he raced to save her life. Since then, danger and mayhem haven't stopped coming at him.
Jack also has an obsession with women, and his inability to resist them is usually what gets him into trouble in the first place. You'd think, as the author of his books, that I could talk some sense into him. But I haven't had any luck. He needs to be who he needs to be, after all, whether I like it or not.
Take the following scene from Lazar's Challenge where Jack is trying his best NOT to sleep with a smoking hot French girl in Paris, and she's not happy about it:
“No other man has ever said no to me. What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing’s wrong with me. I told you, this is about loyalty and friendship, and those are damn good reasons for me to say no. Under any other circumstances…well…I doubt I could keep my hands off you.”
“Really?” She seemed to enjoy that little piece of knowledge.
“Yeah, really.”
“I would love to feel your hands on me, Jacques.”
Oh dear, I just created a monster.
“Michele, please.”
She released the clasp of her bra and let it fall away.
“Do you not want to touch these? Would you not like to put them in your mouth? They taste really nice, mon ami.” She raised a breast to her lips and ran her tongue around the nipple.
God help me.
“I can’t imagine anything more exciting than that, but you have to stop now.”
Michele rolled her eyes, picked up the bra and returned to the bathroom without saying a word. Jack watched through the mirror as she put it on again and began fiddling with her blouse.
Jack had smoothed over tough negotiations with dozens of high-dollar business deals. Surely, he could find some common ground with this woman.
“Look, Michele. I’m sure we can come to some sort of arrangement. Why don’t you just get in here, lie down, and I’ll hold you again, just like before.”
“Non. Merci.” Short and to the point.
“Let me put it another way. I’m not letting you leave.”
She laughed. “And what is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you aren’t walking out that door tonight.”
She stepped back into the room, now fully dressed in her flight attendant uniform, and she gave him a wicked smile. “How do you plan on stopping me? Are you going to tie me up?”
Jack couldn’t help but be amused. “If necessary. But it won’t be what you have in mind.”
Michele pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes in defiance.
He looked her up and down and waggled a finger at her. “You can take off the skirt and the shoes, but that’s it. Then get into bed.”
“I have not agreed to stay here. And I will not do it until you ask nicely.”
“I’ve already tried that.”
She laughed. “That was asking nicely?”
Impossible.
“Okay. Let’s start over. Now, Michele. Please stay the night with me. I really want you to be here, and it would be my honor to protect you.”
“I do not believe you.”
“Why not?”
“You sound insincere.”
“For chrissake, just get in the goddamn bed!”
“No blouse.”
“What?”
“I am not wearing the blouse. It is stiff, tight, uncomfortable, and it will bunch up underneath me. I do not like that.”
“A little while ago you got into bed with your skirt and your blouse. Seems like you’re already ahead of the game here.”
“I would never have fallen asleep like that.”
Jack sighed. “Don’t you have a nightgown around here or something?”
“I sleep naked.” She flashed him that wicked smile again. “You are lucky to have me in my bra and panties.”
That shot another bolt of fire to his groin.
Shit.
“Fine. But no funny business.” He raised a resolute eyebrow.
“I would not dream of it.”
“Uh-huh. Right.”
Michele began to undress again, this time doing it directly in front of Jack as she stared into his eyes. The woman simply wasn’t going to stop screwing with him. In no time she was back to her negligible bra and panties, and she slid into the bed, once again patting the mattress next to her. “C’mon, Jacques.”
He took a deep breath and obeyed, but this time positioned himself on top of the comforter so their bodies wouldn’t touch. Perhaps that would compensate for the “no blouse rule”.
Michele placed her head on Jack’s chest, and it seemed like she was trying to get situated, but in less than a minute she was back out of the covers with a generous portion of her body draped over Jack, her leg resting on his crotch, her arm slid underneath his neck. She writhed around several times, apparently trying to find the right position, and each time she brushed against his groin, arousing him again.
There was no question in Jack’s mind that she noticed his partial erection and was continuing to work him on purpose, perhaps to see how big she could get him.
Naughty little minx.
He couldn’t imagine anything more intimate, and once again he found himself struggling with a combination of guilt and intense sexual energy shooting up from his tailbone and intensifying in his chest. The kind of force that compels a man to succumb to his primitive instincts, to take a woman in no uncertain terms, to overpower her with his strength and plant his seed.
The urge was oh so hard to resist, but somehow Jack mustered up the strength to endure, and he began to relax as Michele finally drifted to sleep, her soft breath wafting across his neck, the faint aroma of red wine floating into his nostrils.
Eventually, his arousal graduated into a strange form of intoxication, and the torture subsided, finally giving him the means to make it through the night.
***
It probably goes without saying that Michele eventually ends up wearing down Jack's resistance, but you'll have to read the book to find out how.
Cheers.
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In addition to the intimate human connection I share with readers through my books, I also like to connect with them through this author blog. My goal is to give them a little ins ...more
In addition to the intimate human connection I share with readers through my books, I also like to connect with them through this author blog. My goal is to give them a little ins ...more
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