Jamie C. Pritchard's Blog, page 6

Trick or Treat: Do We Ever Trick?

It’s a classic Halloween phrase, delivered in chorus by horror-themed little rascals when strangers open their doors. In most places you could say there’s an obligation to cough up candy, and it’s hard not to try and dig something out when you see a sweet little girl being taken around the neighbourhood by her parents. However, it got me thinking about the lack of mischief nowadays, particularly when there is no candy!

I was a bit more on the naughty side of things and used to vandalise, but surely for ‘Trick or Treat’ to remain relevant you have to (at least sometimes) fulfil the other side of the promise! With that being said, what could be deemed ‘above-the-belt’ pranks? I ask this in all seriousness because if Halloween is to distinguish itself from Christmas, in spirit as well as theme, then you have to walk the walk.

One of the less naughty things I used to do was throw toilet rolls over homes. It was satisfying watching the paper stream over roofs, knowing it would be annoying to remove, but it wasn’t totally out of order. And further, if you want to get philosophical about it, I think pranks like that are a good test of character that should help encourage the less prepared to get more involved next year.

Crime rates are usually the same as they are every other day so there is no real damage being done. As satisfying as it was I’d advise against egging. Perhaps just keep it to good old scares. But remember to at least do that when it’s a no-go with the sweeties!

Tis the seasons to be spooky!

Three of the Best: Creepy Locations

Distinct settings are important in many genres of film. Horror is no exception. Actually, it’s one of the strongest – Dracula and Transylvania, Regan and that wealthy home, Swamp Thing and…err…that swamp. Here are three classic locations that defined the film just as much as the killers.

 

The Woods (Wolfman, 1941)

Looking back, I actually feel this monster flick has not aged the best. I’m not referring to the production values or acting which are great, but rather the wolfman itself as it always struck me as more man than animal. Lon Chaney Jr moving around in that pseudo-athletic way did not exactly get the hairs standing on end. The smoky woods he goes through however are what make those scenes so memorable. Those leafless, dark branches still look great. Worst spot ever for a picnic.

 

Kingsland, Texas (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, 1974)

Leatherface and his family of freaks would be disturbing in any film but the fact the horror unfolded in very rural Kingsland, Texas is what made it that much more effective. Many films play on the tension they generate with potential rescuers being just out of earshot while something terrible occurs. TCM was different. It was the fact you knew there was no chance of them being heard because they were in the middle of nowhere, and so you could say this horror had a distinct air of hopelessness.

 

The Mall (Dawn of The Dead, 1978)

The huge shopping mall that was used in George A. Romero’s legendary sequel was unique for many reasons, one of which being it was both fun and frightening. The main characters seemed to go through the kind of emotional roller coaster many would in an empty shipping mall, loading up on treats, fooling about with stuff you’d never buy. But all this was just as expertly contrasted with the fact it could easily make you lose focus, take too many liberties with the walking dead and end up getting eaten, like that dipshit biker near the end who thought it might be a good idea to check his blood pressure while surrounded!

Netflix Horror: The Witch (2015)

Netflix’s choice of horror films is usually, in my experience, pretty hit and miss. The odd classic rolls by but there’s lots of crap to sift through and most of it is modern. A refreshing exception to this rule however is now at large with the inclusion of Robert Eggers The Witch (2015). This eerie and gritty tale caused a stir at the Sundance Film Festival when previewed, but unlike Hereditary (2017) which did the same, I think this one actually delivered.

Set in 1630, New England, we follow William (played brilliantly by Ralph Ineson), as a former member of a puritan plantation. He rebuilds his life on a far away farm but things start to go a bit shit when their youngest is taken and killed. The usual plot device of one sensing genuine evil while the other stays in the ‘sane’ world is here, but the emotional toil feels real, and the sense of seclusion is well done.

Zero jump scares and a minimal soundtrack works a treat.

A strange curse? An infection? It’s not clear what’s going on as other family members start playing up, including livestock. What’s important is the mystery and tension keeps you watching. You’re not sure how all the chips are going to fall, there is a curious goat named Black Phillip, and this all leads to a satisfying payoff – nothing like the absurd ending of Hereditary (Yes, I feel like that overhyped mess deserves a good kicking!)

The Witch is a tasteful, authentic feeling modern flick with strong performances, subtle yet effective scares, and a overall feeling of being caught in middle of something very sinister. I can’t absolutely guarantee you’ll like it, but if the likes of Saw and Hostel don’t do much for you, then give this one a go!

Nasty Scenes: A Clockwork Orange (1972)

Admittedly, a big part of the reason this one hit so hard was because I first saw Stanley Kubrick’s lude classic after recovering from a corneal ulcer – a type of eye bacteria which eats away at the eye and can, if left alone, perforate the pupil. I was enough of an idiot to sleep in my contact lenses while travelling and nearly paid a heavy price. Thankfully I kept my eye, but later watching Alex have his eyelids pinned open and being given constant drops was hard going.

Not being able to sleep is a real pain. It’s incredibly pointless. Being literally unable to close your eyes though is a hellish thought for anyone – corneal ulcer or not. As the fiendish lead character Alex (played by Malcolm McDowell) is subjected to what is termed “aversion therapy” he runs the full emotional gamut from indifference to true terror. We hear him yelling, we know he’s suffering, and yet because we can’t see the proper changes in expression there is a trapped quality to his pain. The drops in themselves are a kind of torture, an irritating but necessary evil to stop eyes drying out.

And then of course there is the poignant ending of having done worse than what was required, of overcooking a delinquent and the things he was accountable for. It’s straight from the bowels of Room 101, from the “correction therapy” horrors in which homosexuals had their genitals zapped with electricity. There is something particularly evil about it, about trying to kill off one’s spirit. You see, you can stalk someone, injure them, but to try and change an individual’s nature through systematic “correction” is a whole other beast.

It’s funny to think there are series out there like Saw which try to produce the exact same feelings of disgust this simple scene almost fifty years old can, and yet for all of the former’s bone snapping and blood spilling, in a total of eight films, it has never quite hit the mark like when poor Alex is strapped to that chair, eyelids pinned open.

 

Kane: Wrestler & Monster

Perhaps because it was so obvious a connection it wasn’t made earlier. The WWE wrestler known as Kane (who lives outside the ropes as Glenn Thomas Jacobs) has for years played the part of the ‘big, red machine’, a 7 foot tall, seriously jacked and scary dude. The ‘younger brother’ of The Undertaker, his backstory was that he survived a fire and emerged as a physically scarred, mentally deranged twatting device. He is a horror character in the ropes, since 1997 to be precise, but it took until 2006 when he made the transition onto the big screen…

…well, a big screen of sorts…

In that year, WWE Studios brought us the critically panned See No Evil. Annoying teens, a lack of real tension and clichés ruined the potential of someone who was made for such bloody carnage. Playing the (also) mentally scarred Jacob Goodnight, Glenn has undeniable screen presence. Smeared in dirt and with a blade to hand, he really didn’t need much to make him look particularly hazardous. Further, because people generally don’t think wrestler when thinking  good acting, you can easily forget these guys basically have to get in character every night they perform. And with his small eyes and heavy-brow, Glenn also has the features to go with the brooding psychopath which he has down to the T. He really made you feel he could bring about the destruction of anyone in a wink.

And that’s why I think it’s a shame when perfectly cast guys are wasted. Imagine if The Terminator (1984) was awful. Arnold would have been as wasted as I think Glenn has been, admittedly with less range to his performance, but I can picture him in a classic. The sequel, released in 2014 and situated in a hospital, was a little better received, but still fell well short of what should have been.

They’re the kind of films you watch in the wee hours and laugh at the CGI gore, but even in those hazier moments I think any discerning horror fan can’t help but look at the hulking menace of Jacob Goodnight and see a gem.

When interviewed in 2013, when discussing what makes a killer a kill Glenn mused that, “If something horrendous happened to you, would you act in the same way? Maybe not, but, the fantasies do play through your mind to, right?”

Perhaps it’s best for all of us if he does get on the big screen again.

The Nun (2018): More Like The Dud!

Cinema tickets have recently been halved where I live, but that’s no reason to go and watch something which I thought looked awful and – as predictable as the jump-scares in it – has been critically lashed. Simply put, when you name the evil, show us what it looks like and how it goes about its work as a taster…forget about it.

It is the ultimate no-no in horror films.

One might say “So what, it was obviously gonna suck,” but it’s different if we’re talking about budget flicks on The Horror Channel in the UK with their 1990’s CGI. When you’ve got lots of money behind you, a cool location, capable actors and it still falls on its face then it deserves criticism. At this level there should be no excuse in creating something at least competent.

A common problem is that most members of the audience are simply cinema-goers, people who use the big screen as a reason to go out, and so quality isn’t under as much scrutiny. But when you don’t critique your ability to critique suffers. It’s a slippery slope. And so modern horror is free to circulate very cliched ideas of what is considered scary. A ‘creepy’ doll, a Ringu-inspired girl with long hair covering her face –  it’s almost like the idea of scary has been diluted into fashion trends. You’ll hear teenage girls leaving screens saying “Oh my god, that kid was well creepy,” and the next minute they’re asking where they should go to eat, forgetting all about it and later sleeping just fine. That’s not what good horror does.

Good horror films have an atmosphere that, if not frightens you, stays with you to some degree, because it had craft, because it had restraint, because it nicely hinted at what shouldn’t be without spelling it out, leaving that desire to bring things under our comprehension in a state of turmoil.

In a sane world there’d be a monetary penalty for producing crap, but when something as lame as Annabelle (2014) can thrive (a budget of $6.5 million grossed $257 million worldwide), then you know we’ve got it backwards. The Nun has already turned a nice profit despite poor scores across the boards (IMDB – 6/10 , Rotten Tomatoes – 28%, Metacritic – 46%). It may even spawn another spin-off as ‘The Conjuring Universe’ continues to grow tumours.

All we can do is fight the good fight, so join me in hurling a good dollop of doo-doo at this latest slice of commercial tripe. And if I happen to bump into this Nun in my dreams, I’ll be sure to give her a good slap.

Ren & Stimpy: Daft & Disturbing

An impossibly dumb cat and aggro chihuahua. It remains an unmistakable pairing, one of the ‘90s definitive cartoons, but for anyone who remembers this show which ran for five seasons will almost certainly follow up with something about how weird it was.

We had a VHS tape which I used to rewind to the beginning in order to watch episode after episode of this insane show, starting with the one about Stimpy’s fan club. There was always plenty to amuse me with bizarre story lines and even more bizarre locations (like living inside of an upside down cow), but the thing you never forgot were the times Ren Hoek completely lost it.

Out of all his uber-tantrums the jewel in the crown was during the Sven Hoek episode when Ren’s just-as-dumb-as-Stimpy cousin comes to live with them and hits it off a bit too well with Stimpleton J. Cat. They goad each other on to new heights of stupidity and make a real mess of the house while Ren is out for work, Upon his return, as he discovers that his dinosaur droppings have been “painted like Easter eggs,” he is literally pulsating with anger. The whiney, eerie music that plays alongside Ren’s threats of violence – ones he takes great pleasure in visualising – are straight out of a horror film.

The often maniacal expressions done by creator John Kricfalusi were a product of his ethos not to draw the same thing twice which made for two of the most elastic characters in cartoon history. Excited, confused, worried – emotions were outrageously reflected as the shape of their head, size of their teeth and positioning of features would change in a wink. And then there were the repulsive close-ups of bruises or infected toe nails done in that oil-painting type of animation.

It took John took nine years before Nickelodeon bit and remembers how it was actually something of a rare thing to let the creator take the reins. It was one of the main reasons the show got as weird as it did. It was actually intended to be much weirder as later previously banned episodes came out revealing sexual tension between the two stars back when many celebrities had not come out and homosexuality was generally more frowned upon.

Today shows like Adventure Time mimic some of the randomness of Ren & Stimpy but it’s unlikely we’ll see that unique mix of the violent, idiotic and very odd for a while again.

Whatever the cartoon there are usually life lessons that they try to slip in there, as a way of preparing children for later life – that it will bring with it disappointment, that you’ll find out who your real friends are, and that all good things must end – but when I think back to Ren & Stimpy I just remember how disturbing it all was.

It left its scar on my psyche – in a good way!

Three of The Best: Shocking Death’s

Death’s in horror films are virtually mandatory. Depending on how the victims meet their end however can make all the different between praying for them to be bumped off and genuinely being caught off-guard. Here are three which fulfil the latter category.

*SPOLIERS*

 

Ben – Night of The Living Dead (1968)

Duane Jones played the very resourceful Ben in George A. Romero’s survival horror classic. The fact he was a black man stood out as it still wasn’t that common to have a black lead, but he more than proved his acting chops, showing his ability to keep cool and strategize while the hordes of the rotting dead attempted to flood a derelict house. What’s shocking is that, after bravely battling to be the last one standing, after earning that right, Ben accidently gets taken out by the police who are on the same side. Bodies burn and the credits roll. It is a truly hopeless ending.

 

Casey – Scream (1996)

I’m no fan of the franchise – one that spawned a lot of 90s tosh – but you have to applaud the fact you didn’t see Drew Barrymore dying within the first ten minutes. She did, after all, take up the biggest spot on the official poster. You will have probably forgotten she played a character called Casey Becker (I just had to look it up), and after having a ditsy call with some random she is subsequently threatened and killed. The death itself isn’t bad with a stab and some strangulation, though I don’t think it was good enough to pardon all the rom-coms that followed.

 

Charlie – Hereditary (2017)

This much-hyped horror film which some claimed was a combination of The Exorcist and The Shining (does that even make sense?), had oodles of potential but ultimately fell flat. There was a moment in which it could have gone for greatness, and that was when the youngest in the film, the odd-natured little Charlie (played by Milly Shapiro), is accidentally decapitated after sticking her head out of a speeding car while having an allergic reaction to a cake she should not have eaten at a party. Nobody saw that one coming, especially in such a brutal manner. You could hear a pin drop in the cinema…and then follows a lovely close-up of the evidence the next morning – a realistic prosthetic head, covered in ants.

Beautiful.

 

Three of The Best: Horror Video Games

The cinema is where most people go to be scared but through the years video games have certainly had their moments. I’m not sure I’ve ever been as scared as seeing Vera get turned into a robot during Superman III (who has), but my hairs have definitely stood up while yelling at the TV, postponing the toilet and mashing buttons.

 

Doom (PC, 1993)

The Granddaddy of FPS’s as the franchise is known, ID software’s Doom took the controversial, Nazi-slaying concept of Wolfenstein and sent us (literally) to Hell. In terms of the weapons and monsters the game’s sound effects were something epic, ricocheting off every wall. Everything was intense and loud. The huge-mouthed, running and very pink demons never failed to unnerve when you heard their growl, but when I first bumped into the even bigger and howling Baron’s of Hell I almost had a whoopsie-daisy in my pants. Brilliant.

 

Splatterhouse II (Sega Megadrive, 1992)

A little comical perhaps though the Splatterhouse series did what it said on the tin, offering an added satisfaction to the beat ‘em up genre by de-capitating and, well, splatting your foes into every shade of red and green. It did have genuine atmosphere however as well as gruesome aesthetics which I believe could still make people grimace today. The go-to memory here would be at the end of level three when our masked badass goes up against a quartet of what look like skinned babies that throw-up toxic goo. Each are dropped down puppet style on a rope, as if tormented captives. It was pretty nasty for the time and still is.

 

Resident Evil (Nintendo Gamecube, 2002)

Along with Doom it must be the most celebrated horror franchise in video games, and much like Romero’s original Dead film set the standard for the Survival Horror genre, Resident Evil did the same for video games. With its pedestrian pace, subtle use of ambient sound and fixed perspectives, this game could really send a shiver up your spine with the slightest disturbance. The reason I’ve gone with the Nintendo’s re-polish of the original is for their cool upgrade of the regular zombie. It was in your best interests to burn these ones as there was the off chance that, having occupied yourself with mundane things like reading diaries and picking up herbs, the occasional one would leap up and start running after you. If you were low on health and last saved an hour ago it was the epitome of terror.

Three of The Best: Horror Chases

There’s a thrill in being chased we discovered as children. It may have be a result of doing something naughty, or we may have simply been playing a game. Some may remember a time when their life was generally in danger. I thought I was being chased by a vicious dog abroad as a kid…maybe I was wrong…but one thing we can all agree on – we all love a good chase in horror films, preferably that end in death.

 

T-800 Chases Sarah and Kyle

We know The Terminator (1984) is sci-fi at its finest, but nobody can tell me that Arnold’s Terminator, particularly when it is stripped down to its steel skeleton, is anything less than fill-your-pants scary. This one may be more of a stalk than a chase but when Sarah and Kyle think they have killed the bad guy they watch on in terror as it climbs out of the fiery wreck of an exploded truck. It’s deliberate, incessant chase leads to the claustrophobic confines of a factory. That moment when Sarah insists they “go back!” only to be cut off by this machine bent on the destruction of them…pure evil.

 

Leatherface Chases Sally

Considering the size of Gunnar Hansen (Leatherface), it was impressive the amount of miles he covered in Tobe Hooper’s legendary slasher from 1974. Particularly, his insistence on trying to get the main character Sally. After killing the wheelchair-bound Franklin he gives an almighty chase to Sally who, temporarily manages to lose him, is chased again when she manages to break from their mad house and survive. Close but no cigar for Leatherface, but her screaming and the buzz of a chainsaw in the boonies are unmistakable sounds in horror.

 

Frank Chases Girl Who Should Have Gotten A Lift

Manic (1980) is a delight for anyone who hasn’t seen it. Joe Spinell is first class as an emotionally-scared nut-job with a love for manikins. Most of his kills are spontaneous as he lurks the street, but probably the most effective is when he spots a nurse finishing a shift who kindly rejects her friends offer to get a lift home. Soon she becomes paranoid as she senses someone is stalking. It’s a brilliant play on that emotion – of being followed – which I’m sure everyone has spooked themselves with once in their life, but the true horror comes to light here when she begins to laugh in the toilet of a train station, thinking it was all her imagination, only for the killer to stab her from behind.

A friend who hated these kind of lower-budget films at least had to admit this scene was pretty good!