Sarah Geringer's Blog, page 85

Be His Sister in Christ + Giveaway

Welcome!  I’m glad you’ve joined me for day 8 of this 10-day series, “How to Be the Wife He Really Wants.”

Do you know your marriage will look different in eternity?

Your marriage is a covenant here on earth, but in heaven, it will look quite different.  You and your husband are linked together in the flesh now, but in heaven you will be linked together in a new way.

In the book You and Me Forever by Francis & Lisa Chan (one of the books in this giveaway!), they explain this mystery:

This may come as a shock, but Jesus taught that marriages on earth don’t carry over into heaven.

Then he quotes Matthew 22, when Jesus said, “…in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” (Matthew 22:30)

Francis Chan goes on:

Maybe Jesus’ statement is hard for you to accept…For me, it’s hard to imagine the day when Lisa and I will no longer be married, but two thoughts bring me comfort.  First, this doesn’t mean that Lisa and I won’t be deeply in love with each other in heaven.  My guess is that I will be even closer to Lisa when we exist in glorified bodies absent of sin.  Second, I will have a union with God which is guaranteed to be better than any earthly closeness I might be experiencing now.  I trust the God who created marriage when He promises a better future.

How does this truth resonate with you?  For me, Jesus’ teaching grants great hope.  Hope that all our misunderstandings, mistakes, and hurts will be forever cast aside.  Hope that we will know each other the way Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden, before sin entered the world.  We will truly then be wholly uncovered before one another, without any shame.

If I look at my marriage with an eternal perspective, I have greater peace and hope.

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If I see myself as a sister in Christ to my husband, I take notice how my thoughts, words, and actions either build him up or tear him down, both now and in the future.  The petty issues I used to fret over don’t matter as much when I take a wider view.  Basically, I don’t bring up issues anymore unless the confrontation will lead us both closer to Christ.

I want to serve my husband well so his faith is nurtured and strengthened.  When his faith grows, everyone in the family benefits.  That’s why my role as his sister in Christ is so important.

How can we as wives strengthen our husbands as our brothers in Christ? Here are three ways I’m serving my husband as a sister in Christ:

Having a gentle, quiet spirit.  I used to pepper him with questions about his faith.  Now I leave that between him and God.  If faith naturally comes up in our discussions, that’s fine, but I no longer force it.
Tell him how much I appreciate him.  Church is not his “thing” like it is mine.  But he faithfully attends with us every week.  Every so often, I tell him how much it means to me that he attends church with us as a family.  I tell him it’s such an important example for our kids, and he needs to know how much it matters to me.
Encouraging him.  Whenever he shares a struggle, I limit myself to one or two sentences of encouragement about faith.  He doesn’t like it when I sound “preachy,” but I know not many other people in his life verbally encourage him to have faith.  This is my role, and I try hard not to overdo it anymore.

What practical step can you take today to serve YOUR husband as a sister in Christ?  I would love to hear your suggestions in the comments below!

Join me tomorrow for Day 9, “Be His Prayer Warrior.”  And catch up on last week’s posts and Day 6 here!

Want more marriage encouragement? Enter to win THREE marriage-building books:  The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, You And Me Forever, and $10 Great Dates!

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Photos generously provided by Lillian at Embracing the Lovely.  Visit her site for more beauty and inspiration!

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Looking for Newness of Life in your current life season?

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My book Newness of Life will help you apply Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 so you can understand God’s plan in your current season.

“There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

No matter what season you are in, God is teaching you valuable lessons to grow your faith and trust in Him.  We will discover what God is saying through the different times and activities we traverse.

Buy Newness of Life today!

Please vote 17 on this link: Click HERE! so I can make my publishing dream come true. God set me free from my fear of abandonment, and I want the world to know!

This post will be linked up at #coffeeforyourheart, #wisewomanlinkup, #gracemoments, #sittingamongfriends, #womenwithintention, and #writerwednesday. Visit my linkups page to find links to these wonderful blogs.

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Be His Comfort + Giveaway

Welcome!  I’m glad you’ve joined me for day 7 of this 10-day series, “How to Be the Wife He Really Wants.”

Do you know God designed you to be a comfort to your husband?

Your presence is a unique comfort to him when he’s suffering.  When he reaches for your embrace, it’s like a homecoming for his heart.

The Old Testament holds a beautiful story of comfort in marriage.  After Sarah died, Abraham sent his servant to choose a wife for his son, Isaac, who was in mourning.  God helped Abraham’s servant find a beautiful, servant-hearted woman named Rebekah.  She was willing to leave her old life behind and begin a new life with Isaac.

Take a look at this scripture passage, which describes Isaac and Rebekah’s first meeting:

[Isaac] went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel and asked the servant, “Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?”
“He is my master,” the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself.
Then the servant told Isaac all he had done. Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.
Genesis 24:63-67 NIV

I’ve always loved this beautiful story.  Rebekah comforted Isaac in a way no one else could do.  That’s how God designed you: to provide His comfort to your husband through your love and respect.

Your embrace is a homecoming for your husband’s heart.

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Life is hard for your husband, as you well know.  He faces enormous pressures at work, in relationships, and inside his heart.  When I watched the movie “American Sniper,” I was deeply moved by how much the husband valued his wife’s comfort after facing fierce battles.  My husband isn’t in a literal war-zone every day, but he certainly faces ordinary battles on a regular basis.  They wear him down, sap his strength, and dim his hope.  My role is to comfort him and give him relief from the grind of life.

Listen to this quote from The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, one of the books in the giveaway below!

 

God did not give me my spouse as part of the grind; rather, [my wife] and I are going through the grinder of life together.  In the same way, you do not have to choose between life and a spouse.  You can enjoy life with your spouse in the midst of the grind: “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun (Eccl. 9:9).”

How can you comfort him in his suffering, and help him enjoy life in the midst of the grind? Here are three ways I’m comforting my husband in his struggles:

Telling him I’m praying for him. I want him to know he’s being lifted up to God through my prayers.  Then I follow through by praying for him and his struggles in my morning commute.
Listening well.  In our 17 years together, I’ve learned to listen and not interrupt.  I’ve learned to ask fewer questions as to not overwhelm him, and ask more thoughtful questions too.  I listen for the feelings underneath what he’s saying, then I pray accordingly.
Giving him physical affection.  My husband’s #1 love language is physical touch.  Hugging him, scratching his back, and snuggling with him daily provides him unique comfort he doesn’t receive from anyone else.

What practical step can you take today to be a comfort to YOUR husband?  I would love to hear your suggestions in the comments below!

Join me tomorrow for Day 8, “Be His Sister in Christ.”  And catch up on last week’s posts and Day 6 here!

Want more marriage encouragement? Enter to win THREE marriage-building books:  The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, You And Me Forever, and $10 Great Dates!

a Rafflecopter giveaway



Photos generously provided by Lillian at Embracing the Lovely.  Visit her site for more beauty and inspiration!

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Looking for Newness of Life in your current life season?

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My book Newness of Life will help you apply Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 so you can understand God’s plan in your current season.

“There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

No matter what season you are in, God is teaching you valuable lessons to grow your faith and trust in Him.  We will discover what God is saying through the different times and activities we traverse.

Buy Newness of Life today!

Please vote 17 on this link: Click HERE! so I can make my publishing dream come true. God set me free from my fear of abandonment, and I want the world to know!

This post will be linked up at #tuestalk, #tellhisstory, #raralinkup, and #testimonytuesday. Visit my linkups page to find links to these wonderful blogs.

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Be His Encourager + Giveaway

Welcome!  I’m glad you’ve joined me for day 6 of this 10-day series, “How to Be the Wife He Really Wants.”

Do you know God created you to be your husband’s top encourager?

No one else knows my husband as well as I do.  No one else has the same access to his heart.  And, no one else has seen him at his lowest and his worst.

In the rockiest times of our marriage, I was overly focused on his negative aspects.  We were both at fault for our marriage problems, and one of my main contributions was a lack of encouragement.  I was so focused on what was going wrong, I forgot that one of my husband’s primary needs is to hear words of respect.  He is encouraged when he feels respected.  He is built up and strengthened by phrases like “You can do this” and “I believe in you,” and particularly phrases like “I respect your decisions” and “I respect your role as the leader of our family.”

Look at this scripture:

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.  1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

I used to spend more time tearing him down than building him up.  To overcome my problem, I had to study how men and women communicate differently.  Books like Love and Respect and For Women Only helped me immensely.  I learned that I was unintentionally offending him with phrases I thought were neutral or “helpful,” but he heard them as critical and shaming.

Encouragement for your husband must be rooted in respect.  

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Over time, he began to trust me again as I stopped criticizing and started listening and affirming more.  Now I choose my words more carefully so he will hear them as encouragement and support.

Listen to this advice from Lee Strobel in The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, one of the books in the giveaway below!

[My wife and I] praise the best qualities in each other.  We try to accept each other unconditionally.  We paint a vision of what God can do with each other if we stay true to Him.  Yes, there are times when we need to deal with our faults, but now there’s such a deep reservoir of goodwill that we’re able to hear critical words without as much defensiveness as we had in the past.

This week, I’m working to encourage my husband in these three specific ways:

Listen carefully to his work stories and pick up threads where I can encourage him.
Wait for the right time to say, “I appreciate how you lead us as a family.”
Send him an encouraging text (I’m not one to text, so this will be special).

What practical step can you take today to be an encourager to YOUR husband?  I would love to hear your suggestions in the comments below!

Join me tomorrow for Day 7, “Be His Comfort.”

Want more marriage encouragement? Enter to win three marriage books:  The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, You And Me Forever, and $10 Great Dates!

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Photos generously provided by Lillian at Embracing the Lovely.  Visit her site for more beauty and inspiration!

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Looking for Newness of Life in your current life season?

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My book Newness of Life will help you apply Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 so you can understand God’s plan in your current season.

“There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

No matter what season you are in, God is teaching you valuable lessons to grow your faith and trust in Him.  We will discover what God is saying through the different times and activities we traverse.

Buy Newness of Life today!

Please vote 17 on this link: Click HERE! so I can make my publishing dream come true. God set me free from my fear of abandonment, and I want the world to know!

This post will be linked up at #momentsofhope, #mondaymusings, #mommymoments, #modestmommondays, #theartofhomemakingmondays, #livingproverbs31, #goodmorningmondays, #dreamtogether, #soulsurvival, and #glimpsesofhisbeauty. Visit my linkups page to find links to these wonderful blogs.

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A Fresh Batch of Book Reviews #6

Enjoy four book reviews and check out my latest book, Newness of Life, for another good read!

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I Am by Michele Cushatt

Michele has an amazing testimony.  She speaks with raw transparency about surviving cancer, facing hard days as a wife and mother, and surmounting challenges in her speaking and writing career, Her personal stories have depth and richness you don’t typically find in devotionals.  I like her fresh, honest voice crackling with both laughter and tears.  Reading her devotions feels like sitting down with my favorite kind of friend–a woman who isn’t afraid to tell me the truth about herself and about me.

In this book, Michele leads you through the Bible in 60 days, showing you who God is and who you are because of Him.  She lays out the book in six sections:  Creation, Exodus, Covenant, Presence, Rescue, and Revelation.  Each section is divided into ten devotionals with affirming headings such as “I Am Accepted” and “I Am Lifted Up.”  In each devotional she shares a scripture, a personal story and application, a thought-provoking quote, and several probing questions.  I enjoyed quotes like this one from “I Am Chosen:”

Nothing stings quite like rejection. All the striving and believing and hoping to be chosen, only to be dashed in the trying…Thank heavens, God operates by a different standard.  He doesn’t hold back approval as He waits to evaluate our work.  Instead, He has already chosen.  And we made the list.

This book is meant to be savored slowly.  I intend to step into the pages each afternoon when I decompress from work, and soak up great truths about my identity in the Lord.  I also look forward to getting to know Michele better through her deeply personal stories.

I received this book as a free resource from the BookLook Bloggers program, in exchange for my honest review.

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Craving Connection  from the (in)courage Community

This book is a compilation of stories and devotions from the writers at the popular (in)courage blog.  If you are unfamiliar with the blog, it’s definitely worth checking out.  I’ve read it for years, and I’m very glad to see this first book from this lovely community!

Craving Connection will help you learn new ways to connect with God, with friends, and with community.  Each devotion has a suggestion for how to engage with the material through a Connection Challenge.  I thumbed through the book and the lesson “When Wounds from Women Are Hard to Forgive” caught my attention.  For about 15 minutes I read author Kristen Strong’s words, mulling deeply over her personal stories and the truths she revealed.  God spoke to me through her words.  I needed to hear godly advice on how to handle a prickly situation, and I found it in this story.

What’s even better about reading this book right now is the chance to read in community.  Every Tuesday’s blog post over the next few weeks at (in)courage will feature a chapter of the book.  Each Thursday they are broadcasting on Facebook Live with the author of that week’s chapter.  Click on this link for more information.  I’m definitely checking out the comments on the Tuesday blog posts.  It’s fun to interact with others in a virtual book club!

I won this book from a giveaway at Craving Connections.  Thank you Michele!

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The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines, with Mark Dagostino

About four months ago I began watching Fixer Upper on HGTV.  It didn’t take long for me to be charmed by this fun, inspiring couple who are so creative, cooperative, and family-oriented.  This book was an easy sell for a new fan like me.

What surprised me is how much Chip and Joanna’s story mirrors the story of my husband and I, in terms of being small business owners.  My husband has been a contractor for about ten years and has faced similar challenges in his business.  The story of how they persevered through their financial trials, and how they faced unprecedented problems with creative solutions, gave me a lot of hope.  Right now my husband’s company is developing its first subdivision, and we are encountering challenge after challenge.  Reading Chip and Joanna’s story of their first development truly encouraged me.

I highlighted many passages in this book, and here is one of my favorites:

Maybe getting to the bottom all those times…was some sort of a test.  A test of will maybe, a test of faith, a test of our resolve to stay the course in following our dreams and to do the right thing…All of these big, life-changing things were right around the corner for us at that moment.  And if we’d given up, if we’d walked away, if we’d crumbled when we were at our lowest, we never would have made it around the corner to see all of the blessings that were about to come due.

The Magnolia Story is one of the most positive, upbeat books I’ve read in a long time.  But it is also real, vulnerable, and honest.  If you’ve never watched Fixer Upper, you’ll quickly become a fan by reading this book.  If you’re already a Fixer Upper fan, you’ll love this behind-the-scenes look at how this Christian couple builds a beautiful life together.

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The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp

I’m a fan of Ann’s lyrical writing style, deep insights, and beautiful word pictures.  This book does not disappoint.  It goes further than any of her other books, describing her struggle with cutting in a tender, poignant way.  Ann encourages us to embrace our brokenness instead of hiding from it, and even see it as a gift.  I love the story of taping a paper heart to her daughter’s chest.  When the paper heart gets torn, her daughter says, “Maybe the love gets in easier right where the heart’s broke open.”  Then Ann muses,

Maybe our hearts are made to be broken.  Broken open.  Broken free.  Maybe the deepest wounds birth deepest wisdom.

I am reading this book on Sunday mornings before church.  I’ve signed up to receive emails with a Broken Way video teaching, and I watch them every Sunday.  These videos are beautiful, powerful, and an ideal enhancement for personal or group study of this book.  I highly recommend you sign up today to access the videos, free printables, and discount codes for The Broken Way book and Bible study companion.  You can also click on the graphic below to sign up.

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Which book looks most interesting to you? I’d love to hear your feedback in the comment section below!

Looking for Newness of Life in your current life season?

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My book Newness of Life will help you apply Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 so you can understand God’s plan in your current season.

“There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

No matter what season you are in, God is teaching you valuable lessons to grow your faith and trust in Him.  Discover what God is saying through the different times and activities we traverse.

You are also invited to join me on my current blog series, “How to Be the Wife He Really Wants.”  Visit my first post Be His Helper now!

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Please vote 17 on this link: Click HERE! so I can make my publishing dream come true. God set me free from my fear of abandonment, and I want the world to know!

If you liked this post, I would appreciate your shares on social media, using the links below!

This post will be linked up at #momentsofhope, #mondaymusings, #mommymoments, #modestmommondays, #theartofhomemakingmondays, #livingproverbs31, #goodmorningmondays, #dreamtogether, #soulsurvival, and #glimpsesofhisbeauty. Visit my linkups page to find links to these wonderful blogs.

 

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Five Minute Friday – Safe

Writing for five unedited minutes on the prompt, Safe.  A love poem for my husband.

At the end of this busy day

when the world has pressed far too close

I settle into your embrace.

I lay to my left side, heart beating slower

and place my head on your chest.

Your right arm encircles me

and security wraps me.

As your breathing settles into peace

and my face rises and falls with your breath

I thank God for all these parts of you:

your soft snores

your strong forearms

your calloused, hardworking hands

your hairy chest, soft like a nest inside

your grizzled, unshaven neck

your broad shoulders

your manly strength.

God gave you to me

seventeen years ago

and I confess

I have not always treasured

your uniqueness.

But even in those rough days

now in our past

I always found safety

in your strong, solid embrace

when words failed us

and darkness settled in.

Your arms wrapped round

reminded me of a perfect father’s strong hold

on me, no matter what

storms came through.

You are the hiding place

God gave me.

I depend on your strength

your ability to provide

and your solid security.

How is your husband a safe place for you?  I would love to hear your suggestions in the comments below!

Join me for my current 10-day blog series, “How to Be the Wife He Really Wants.”  Catch up on Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, and Day 5 here!

Want more marriage encouragement? Enter to win THREE marriage-building books:  The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, You And Me Forever, and $10 Great Dates!

a Rafflecopter giveaway



Photo generously provided by Lillian at Embracing the Lovely.  Visit her site for more beauty and inspiration!

[image error]

Looking for Newness of Life in your current life season?

[image error]

My book Newness of Life will help you apply Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 so you can understand God’s plan in your current season.

“There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

No matter what season you are in, God is teaching you valuable lessons to grow your faith and trust in Him.  We will discover what God is saying through the different times and activities we traverse.

Buy Newness of Life today!

Please vote 17 on this link: Click HERE! so I can make my publishing dream come true. God set me free from my fear of abandonment, and I want the world to know!

This post will be linked up at #dancewithjesus, #faithnfriends, #freshmarketfriday, #graceandtruth, and #fmf. Visit my linkups page to find links to these wonderful blogs.

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Be His Creative Inspiration + Giveaway

Welcome!  I’m glad you’ve joined me for day 5 of this 10-day series, “How to Be the Wife He Really Wants.”  Be sure to enter the three-book giveaway below!

How can you breathe creative life into your marriage this Valentine’s Day?

February is the perfect time to inspire your husband’s affection with creativity.  Today we’ll look at three areas where you can creatively boost your marriage.

First we’ll look at why this is important.  Take a look at this scripture:

My beloved spoke and said to me,

    “Arise, my darling,

    my beautiful one, come with me.

 See! The winter is past;

    the rains are over and gone.

 Flowers appear on the earth;

    the season of singing has come,

the cooing of doves

    is heard in our land.

 The fig tree forms its early fruit;

    the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.

Arise, come, my darling;

    my beautiful one, come with me.”  Song of Songs 2:10-13 NIV

If you skim through the book of Song of Songs, imagery of flourishing and fruitfulness abounds.  As this scripture entails, marriage needs to be a breath of new life in our busy, stressed-out lives. The love this couple celebrates is continually renewed, tended, and abundant.  When we breathe newness of life into our marriages through creativity, our first romantic days come back to life.

Listen to this quote by the authors of $10 Great Dates, one of the books in the giveaway below!

Think back to your initial dating days and why you dated each other in the first place.  When we ask dating couples (the unmarried type) why they date, we hear comments like ‘Because I’m crazy about her…He makes me happy…I want our relationship to grow’…Wouldn’t it be great if married couples could tap into this same positive energy in an ongoing way?  Dating…is a fun way for couples to rejuvenate their love for each other.

Creativity through date nights. My favorite ideas from the $10 Great Dates book include:

Just Desserts–Sharing a slice of cheesecake rather than an entire meal, yum!
Photo Date–Seems like we take more photos of our children than photos as a couple.  A selfie spree around town sounds fun and unexpected.
Breakfast Date–We are both morning people.  Maybe we can sneak out for Huddle House one morning while the kids sleep in.
Time Travel–We can go back to the year 2000 when we met and married.  We can share quesadillas, our most popular meal back in those days, watch a movie from 2000, and look at photos from our dating days.
Three Wishes–Send the kids to Grandma’s house.  Meet him at the door and say, “I am your fairy godmother tonight, and I will grant you three wishes.”  This would make his month!

Creativity in the kitchen.  What are your husband’s favorite meals?  It’s safe to guess his ideal meal includes something from each of these categories:

Fresh–Crisp salad, fresh seafood, snappy vegetables.
Creamy–Dips, sour cream or cream cheese, alfredo sauce
Starchy–bread, rice, noodles
Spicy or salty–meat dishes, appetizers, sides
Sweet–The opportunities are endless!

For Valentine’s Day, we will cook a special meal at home rather than fight the crowds.  I’ll choose one from each category to make a meal he’ll enjoy.  Here are several ways I might spin it:

Caesar salad, shrimp alfredo over linguine, garlic bread, and cherry cheesecake
Jambalaya, buttery cornbread muffins, mixed greens salad, and pineapple upside-down cake
Sirloin steak, twice-baked potatoes, roasted asparagus, and cream cheese swirled brownies

And if you don’t enjoy cooking, you can purchase foods in these categories to put together a meal he’ll love!

Creativity in the bedroom.  See my post on Day 2 and Day 3 for inspiration!

When we breathe newness of life into our marriages through creativity, our first romantic days come back to life.

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What practical step can you take today to be a creative inspiration to YOUR husband?  I would love to hear your suggestions in the comments below!

Join me Monday for Day 6, “Be His Encourager.”  And catch up on Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, and Day 4 here!

Want more marriage encouragement? Enter to win THREE marriage-building books:  The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, You And Me Forever, and $10 Great Dates!

a Rafflecopter giveaway



Photos generously provided by Lillian at Embracing the Lovely.  Visit her site for more beauty and inspiration!

[image error]

Looking for Newness of Life in your current life season?

[image error]

My book Newness of Life will help you apply Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 so you can understand God’s plan in your current season.

“There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

No matter what season you are in, God is teaching you valuable lessons to grow your faith and trust in Him.  We will discover what God is saying through the different times and activities we traverse.

Buy Newness of Life today!

Please vote 17 on this link: Click HERE! so I can make my publishing dream come true. God set me free from my fear of abandonment, and I want the world to know!

This post will be linked up at #dancewithjesus, #faithnfriends, #freshmarketfriday, #graceandtruth, and #fridayfive. Visit my linkups page to find links to these wonderful blogs.

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Be His Friend

Welcome!  I’m glad you’ve joined me for day 4 of this 10-day series, “How to Be the Wife He Really Wants.”

Would your husband say you are his best friend?

I may be a bit unusual in this area.  For the longest time, I didn’t consider my husband to be my best friend, and I doubted his friendship with me.

Good friendships take time to develop.  But our relationship shot off like a rocket. We met each other in February 2000, got engaged in May, and got married in November 2000.  We agree that we would have been better off waiting a little longer, letting our friendship develop first.  Our mistake was letting passion take first precedence. By our first anniversary, we sometimes felt like strangers because we hadn’t taken the time to really get to know each other.

We are also VERY opposite.  I am quiet, reserved, cautious.  He is vocal, uninhibited, and adventurous.  I prefer routines; he likes constant change.  I am often hesitant; he is confident to the max.  These opposite characteristics attracted us to each other.  I relied on his strength and he trusted in my softness.  But when it came to friendship in marriage, our opposite natures often pulled us apart.  Our leisure time activities didn’t overlap much, and we didn’t spend much time simply enjoying each other’s company, as friends do.

After our marriage hit bottom almost two years ago, we worked on becoming friends again, or maybe for the first time ever.

Take a look at this scripture:

A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17 NIV

I really hadn’t loved my husband at all times.  I hadn’t loved him well when times were hard.  After late-night arguments I would lay in bed nursing hateful thoughts toward him instead of forgiving and confessing my own sins.  That toxic, unfriendly pattern needed breaking, and I began breaking it by loving him at all times.  The times when he was cranky, I gave him leeway because I knew his day had been rough.  The times he was distant, I gave him space and didn’t try to pull answers out of him anymore.  The times he was harsh, I forgave him and focused on communicating my hurt rather than criticizing his nature.

Listen to this quote by Les and Leslie Parrott from The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, one of the books in the giveaway below!

 

Gallup’s research indicates that a couple’s friendship quality could account for 70 percent of overall marriage satisfaction. In fact, the emotional intimacy that a married couple shares is said to be five times more important than their physical intimacy.  So it stands to reason that we, as couples, can ignite our love life by boosting the quality of our friendship.

 

Marriage is like a garden; it needs tending every day to be productive and beautiful.  We are working together to make our marriage better, and we are cultivating it through friendship.

The secret to a successful marriage is friendship.

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In the past two years, we’ve worked hard at developing a friendship in our marriage.  I’m grateful that he’s learned to listen and ask better questions.  I’m glad he’s being more thoughtful by helping me with chores and bringing me little treats every once in a while.  I’m thankful he’s complaining less about being opposite and trying harder to enter my world.

Here are three ways I’m working on being a better friend to him:

Modifying my stories.  I read a very helpful quote by Dr. Kevin Leman several years ago.  He tells wives to consider what they want to say, and cut it by 90%.  This was VERY hard for me at first, I’m not going to lie!  But when I think through all the details first, choose a few key passages, and share only the highlight reel with him, he’s much more receptive and responsive, and I feel heard.
Entering his world.  Even though his friends are not like mine, I no longer resist spending time with them.  On date nights I join him for drinks with his friends, then we go on our way.  He’s happier because I enter his world for a while, and I’m enjoying the company of people not in my immediate circle.
Laughing with him.  We both have a dry sense of humor, but he also has a goofy side.  I’m too serious, and I am learning to appreciate his lightheartedness as a unique gift from God.  I’m laughing more often because he tries so hard to make me laugh, goofy as he can be.

What practical step can you take today to be a friend to YOUR husband?  I would love to hear your suggestions in the comments below!

Join me tomorrow for Day 5, “Be His Creative Inspiration.”  And catch up on Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3 here!

Want more marriage encouragement? Enter to win THREE marriage-building books:  The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, You And Me Forever, and $10 Great Dates!

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Photos generously provided by Lillian at Embracing the Lovely.  Visit her site for more beauty and inspiration!

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Looking for Newness of Life in your current life season?

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My book Newness of Life will help you apply Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 so you can understand God’s plan in your current season.

“There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

No matter what season you are in, God is teaching you valuable lessons to grow your faith and trust in Him.  We will discover what God is saying through the different times and activities we traverse.

Buy Newness of Life today!

Please vote 17 on this link: Click HERE! so I can make my publishing dream come true. God set me free from my fear of abandonment, and I want the world to know!

This post will be linked up at #livefreethursday, #heartencouragement, #thoughtprovokingthursday, #chasingcommunity, and #heartsforhome. Visit my linkups page to find links to these wonderful blogs.

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Be His Private Garden

Welcome!  I’m glad you’ve joined me for day 3 of this 10-day series, “How to Be the Wife He Really Wants.”

Think about the most beautiful garden you’ve visited.  What if you had it all to yourself?

The most beautiful gardens I’ve visited are the Missouri Botanical Gardens.  I love the wide array of colors, shapes, textures, and fragrances which delight my senses.  My favorite place is the Climatron, a large greenhouse filled with tropical plants and butterflies.  I enjoy the sound of rushing water from the fountains.  It’s fun to spy butterflies flitting in and out of shady places.  And I also take pleasure in spotting a lovely orchid growing in an obscure corner.  This greenhouse holds more subtle, hidden pleasures than the tulip beds and cherry trees, vying for attention in the wide-open.

I love to garden, and I have several flowerbeds and vegetable spaces.  One of my favorites is a hidden garden underneath our children’s wooden play set.  Shaded from the sun, several varieties of native ferns thrive in the cool space. It’s a private delight to me, because it’s not on display for others to see.  

You are a private garden for your husband.  Only he is privy to all the delights you offer.  Only he can enjoy the full array of your beauty.  Only he knows your most intimate self.  He is the only one meant to have full access to your heart, besides God.

Take a look at this scripture:

You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain. Song of Songs 4:12 NLT

When you are intimate with your husband, you are his private garden, and he is yours.  You create something unique, lovely, and even holy when you delight only in each other’s embrace.

Listen to this quote by Jill Savage from The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, one of the books in the giveaway below!

 

Have you ever thought of sex as recreation? It is! God gave us the gift of sex as a form of recreation in our marriage.  It’s our own private playground where God intends for us to enjoy physical pleasure.

 

As I’m sure you have learned, your husband feels closest to you when you are intimate together.  Your husband is wired to bond to you emotionally at the peak of intimate pleasure, inside the center of the private garden you share with him.  This is when he feels most love for you and most loved by you…it’s worth spending effort to prepare for him mentally, physically, and emotionally when you grasp this truth.

In your husband’s eyes, your private garden is where hurts are soothed, hearts are mended, and hope is regained. @sarahgeringer

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When my husband and I were in a hard spot years ago, we attended counseling together.  The counselor asked us to list ways that we appreciated each other.  I was surprised by one of my husband’s answers: “I share myself only with her in the bedroom, not with anyone else.”  At a time when our verbal communication was stalled, physical intimacy was his sharing ground.  We still needed to work on communication, but once I saw sex as another communication pathway, I relaxed my expectations and placed value on sex the way God intended me to do.

Here are three ways I’m choosing to be a private garden this week:

Reserve some stories only for him.  It’s tempting to share my thoughts and concerns with my friends first.  But I want him to have primary access to my heart, so I’m reserving a few things for his ears only.
Reserve some energy only for him.  I have more energy for intimate time together when I take a short nap after work.  If I don’t rest before checking emails, exercising, and cooking supper, I’m completely spent once I lay down.  I want to make sure I’m not too tired to be intimate.
Reserve my heart only for him.  I must throw away any careless images and daydreams, reserving my musings and ideas of romance only for my husband.  This is one reason I avoid reading romance novels; they tempt my mind to stray.

What practical step can you take today to be a private garden to YOUR husband?  I would love to hear your suggestions in the comments below!

Join me tomorrow for Day 4, “Be His Friend.”  And catch up on Day 1 and Day 2 here!

Want more marriage encouragement? Enter to win THREE marriage-building books:  The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, You And Me Forever, and $10 Great Dates!

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Photos generously provided by Lillian at Embracing the Lovely.  Visit her site for more beauty and inspiration!

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Looking for Newness of Life in your current life season?

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My book Newness of Life will help you apply Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 so you can understand God’s plan in your current season.

“There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

No matter what season you are in, God is teaching you valuable lessons to grow your faith and trust in Him.  We will discover what God is saying through the different times and activities we traverse.

Buy Newness of Life today!

Please vote 17 on this link: Click HERE! so I can make my publishing dream come true. God set me free from my fear of abandonment, and I want the world to know!

This post will be linked up at #coffeeforyourheart, #wisewomanlinkup, #gracemoments, #sittingamongfriends, and #womenwithintention. Visit my linkups page to find links to these wonderful blogs.

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Be His Visual Delight

Welcome!  I’m glad you’ve joined me for day 2 of this 10-day series, “How to Be the Wife He Really Wants.”

Do you know how beautiful you are in your husband’s eyes, and in God’s eyes?

Most of us know that men are wired to be visually stimulated.  Just like Adam in the Garden of Eden, when he first saw his beautiful wife, every cell in his body lit up with pleasure.

God created you to be a beautiful gift for your husband.  Your hair, eyes, curves, and softness draw him in, no matter what shape, size, or color you are.  You are his visual delight, friend!

If you are like me, you often struggle with a positive body image.  Every day I struggle with self-criticism about one body part or another that doesn’t seem to meet my standard of beauty (much less the unattainable cultural standard).  Every day I question deep inside, Am I pretty?

Take a look at this scripture:

How beautiful you are, my darling!

    Oh, how beautiful! Song of Songs 1:15 NIV

Song of Songs is not just a love story between two people, but a picture of God’s love for you.  God treasures you as a beautiful bride, many times more than your husband delighted in you on your wedding day.  God doesn’t focus on your flaws.  He sees you as beautiful all over, because you belong to Him.

Listen to this quote from You and Me Forever, one of the books in the giveaway below!

Let this sink in: God uses that picture [a bride on her wedding day] to describe how attractive we are to Him.  He has made us that beautiful.  It’s hard to imagine the Creator of the universe looking at us with that kind of fondness. Some of us are overjoyed just to know that He doesn’t hate us…

Just remember it’s nothing we did.  Jesus took away all of our ugliness.  Unlike a typical bride, we are all shabby, grotesque, and woefully unprepared moments before we walk down the aisle.  But our Groom beautifies us when we look to Him in faith, and in that instant we become His cherished bride.

Remember, we don’t need to pretty ourselves up for God. We don’t have to lose 15 pounds, color our hair, and wear false eyelashes to impress him.  He loves us because we are His.

Do you remember when you were dating and felt beautiful simply because you were loved?  I remember in the early days of our relationship, my long-lasting self-consciousness faded away because I was immersed in new love.  When you are filled up with love, feeling beautiful comes easy.

Take a moment to dwell on God’s love for you.  Think about how beautiful you are in His eyes, and praise Him that He calls you His own.

Take a moment to recall a sweet moment in your marriage.  I’m sure your husband has expressed his delight to you at one point.  Dwell in that moment and savor it, friend.

Now that we are in our 17th year together, I have to come up with fresh ways to be a visual delight for my husband.  I know he loves me no matter how I look, but I want to be beautiful for him because he enjoys it. Here are three ways I’m choosing to be a visual delight this week:

Stay dressed up after work.  Usually I change into yoga pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt when I get home.  He leaves early in the morning and never sees me dressed up, except on Sundays for church.  I think he’ll enjoy the surprise of seeing me in nicer clothes and jewelry on a weeknight.
Wear something beautiful to bed.  I confess, most nights I’m looking for something warm and cozy this time of year.  But my husband delights in seeing me in those neglected pretties, and I need to pull one out of hiding.
Leave the light on.  When we’re intimate together, he really loves being able to see me.  I prefer total darkness (like most women, I think), but I can light a candle to make him a lot happier.

What practical step can you take today to be a visual delight to YOUR husband?  I would love to hear your suggestions in the comments below!

Join me tomorrow for Day 3, “Be His Private Garden.”  And catch up on Day 1 here!

Want more marriage encouragement? Enter to win THREE marriage-building books:  The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage, You And Me Forever, and $10 Great Dates!

a Rafflecopter giveaway



Photos generously provided by Lillian at Embracing the Lovely.  Visit her site for more beauty and inspiration!

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Looking for Newness of Life in your current life season?

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My book Newness of Life will help you apply Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 so you can understand God’s plan in your current season.

“There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

No matter what season you are in, God is teaching you valuable lessons to grow your faith and trust in Him.  We will discover what God is saying through the different times and activities we traverse.

Buy Newness of Life today!

Please vote 17 on this link: Click HERE! so I can make my publishing dream come true. God set me free from my fear of abandonment, and I want the world to know!

This post will be linked up at #tuestalk, #tellhisstory, #raralinkup, and #testimonytuesday. Visit my linkups page to find links to these wonderful blogs.

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A Fresh Batch of Book Reviews #5

Enjoy three book reviews and check out my latest book, Newness of Life, for another good read!

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No More Faking Fine by Esther Fleece

I heard Esther speak on a recent Focus on the Family broadcast, and I was drawn into her story of a painful childhood.  She wore masks to protect herself from the abuse and chaos of a dysfunctional family.  When she reached a pinnacle in her career yet felt low and empty, she finally realized her masks kept her from experiencing the depth of faith she craved.  Her book is written to set others free from pretense and a superficial relationship with God.

Esther writes with richness, lacing paragraphs with deeply thoughtful truths such as these:

God is not up there minimizing our pain and comparing it to others who have it worse than we do.  God wants all pain to be surrendered to Him, and He has the capacity to respond to it all with infinite compassion.
We are a wounded people, but in a prosperous and entitled culture, we have not learned enough about the holy and healing power of grieving our losses honestly.
A lamenting prayer is a prayer that is never silenced and never wasted.

I am halfway through this book, and I look forward to setting aside a quiet hour to finish.  As I read I will ask God to show me which masks I am wearing, and how my “faking fine” is an obstacle to spiritual growth.  Highly recommended read!

I received this book as a free resource from the BookLook Bloggers program, in exchange for my honest review.

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Invisible Wounds by Melinda Means

As a woman who suffered silently for decades, I was drawn to this book after reading one of Melinda’s blog posts. I read it straight through and highlighted many helpful truths. Melinda and the other brave storytellers show great faith in their trials. I appreciated the passage on God’s silence, and asking others to pray for you when you simply can’t. Melinda has an irresistible voice because she is so transparent, never sugarcoating hard truths. Her honesty inspires me to share my hard times and my faith with others who struggle.

This book is a fast read which will help you navigate life’s tough seasons with rock-solid faith.  I recommend it to anyone looking for comfort and strength in a season of trials.  I gave it five stars in my Amazon review.

 

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The Second Mile by Mark Wilson Stockman

This book left me with mixed feelings.  While it is sound in theology, and featured a few personal stories, it left me feeling “so-so.”  The intro seems promising with the author’s personal story, which I really enjoy in these kind of books.  The rest of the book had long quotations of scripture and simply narrative comments on the passages.  Not personal interactions or newly insightful comments, though they were concurrent with scripture.  I wish the author had not used the third person plural “we” as often, because it comes off as preachy.  I felt like I was sitting in a throwback Sunday School class from my childhood, when personal comments weren’t always welcome.  Another problem I have is not understanding how the title connects to the book’s theme.  It wasn’t a horrible read, but it wasn’t a great one, either.

I received this book as a free resource from the BookLook Bloggers program, in exchange for my honest review.

Which book looks most interesting to you? I’d love to hear your feedback in the comment section below!

Looking for Newness of Life in your current life season?

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My new book Newness of Life will help you apply Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 so you can understand God’s plan in your current season.

“There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

No matter what season you are in, God is teaching you valuable lessons to grow your faith and trust in Him.  Discover what God is saying through the different times and activities we traverse.

You are also invited to join me on this new blog series.  Visit my first series post Be His Helper now!

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Please vote 17 on this link: Click HERE! so I can make my publishing dream come true. God set me free from my fear of abandonment, and I want the world to know!

If you liked this post, I would appreciate your shares on social media, using the links below!

This post will be linked up at #momentsofhope, #mondaymusings, #mommymoments, #modestmommondays, #theartofhomemakingmondays, #livingproverbs31, #goodmorningmondays, #dreamtogether, #soulsurvival, and #glimpsesofhisbeauty. Visit my linkups page to find links to these wonderful blogs.

 

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