R.P. Momsen's Blog
November 8, 2016
Is there a god?!
“Is there a god”
- No, there isn’t.
I suppose I should expand on that and I think it’s very cute that you keep asking me that. Typically, most beings grow out of having an imaginary friend once they’ve created fire and realize that whomever they’ve been talking to all those years is not in fact there.
Now, I don’t want all of you to start thinking of me as a God either. Sure, I guess in your eyes I could seem kind of Godlike. I’m pretty smart, kind of a funny fucker and quite handsome. I have been looking over you all these billions of years to make sure you don’t bugger everything up and I’ve given a few of you a little insight along the way to speed things up… but I’m not a God.
Consider me more of a fun CEO of earth or perhaps a handsome, sexy and fun president that you’d like to have a beer with. I’m more than happy to help you along in your evolution but it would be really nice if I could start getting the credit for some of this.
So, moving forward perhaps you could change some of your little sayings to the following;
“Phil dammit” when your pissed off.
“Phil bless you” when someone sneezes or just
“Phil!” as an expression of surprise or astonishment.
You’ll find me far more willing to help all of you if I get a little acknowledment now and then.
However, feel free to continue to believe whatever it is you want to believe. Just try and be a kind and decent race no matter what your different beliefs may be and you know what? It still couldn’t hurt to give me a little “ Thanks Phil” now and then even if you don’t believe me. After all… you never know.
- No, there isn’t.
I suppose I should expand on that and I think it’s very cute that you keep asking me that. Typically, most beings grow out of having an imaginary friend once they’ve created fire and realize that whomever they’ve been talking to all those years is not in fact there.
Now, I don’t want all of you to start thinking of me as a God either. Sure, I guess in your eyes I could seem kind of Godlike. I’m pretty smart, kind of a funny fucker and quite handsome. I have been looking over you all these billions of years to make sure you don’t bugger everything up and I’ve given a few of you a little insight along the way to speed things up… but I’m not a God.
Consider me more of a fun CEO of earth or perhaps a handsome, sexy and fun president that you’d like to have a beer with. I’m more than happy to help you along in your evolution but it would be really nice if I could start getting the credit for some of this.
So, moving forward perhaps you could change some of your little sayings to the following;
“Phil dammit” when your pissed off.
“Phil bless you” when someone sneezes or just
“Phil!” as an expression of surprise or astonishment.
You’ll find me far more willing to help all of you if I get a little acknowledment now and then.
However, feel free to continue to believe whatever it is you want to believe. Just try and be a kind and decent race no matter what your different beliefs may be and you know what? It still couldn’t hurt to give me a little “ Thanks Phil” now and then even if you don’t believe me. After all… you never know.
October 21, 2016
Why are you here?!
Humans have been on earth for millions of years in some form or another. Your present form, though far from eye-catching, seems to work on some primitive level. You seem to work be quite adept at procreation, though some more than others, and you’ve been known to make a pretty decent beer now and then. The beer making, by the way, wasn’t a result of some evolutionary miracle but by direct intervention by me, after all, if I’m going to visit your planet one of these days it would be kind of nice to be able to get a decent pint.
So, why are you here? Is it to create a better earth? That’s obviously not it as you’ve completely buggered this one up.
Is it to advance technology, to learn, to create an intelligent society? Surely there would have been quicker ways to do that than creating all you lot. I listen to all your prayers and rants and believe me you’re billions of years away from being an intelligent species, honestly even when I’m absolutely shotfaced I make more sense than most of you.
So why are you here? Are you ready for the answer to life? The answer to all your why’s? To the why behind your very existence?
It’s because in every universe some poor bastards got to look after the place. We can’t just keep creating universes and then not put anything in it. Can you imagine how terribly boring it would be if we didn’t do anything with all these places?
"Oh, what a beautiful universe, I wonder what’s over there, hmmm nothing there, how about that planet, no still just dust and shit, maybe that planet? Fucking hell that’s hot! This universe is complete shit lets go party somewhere else."
Now, putting you humans on earth it’s become rather fun for us. There’s been a number of stag parties that have gone to earth, picked up some drunken red neck in the middle of the night and played drinking games with him for a few days and then dropping him off with a bunch of stories that nobody will ever believe.
Also, you’ve become rather good at making pubs and have actually made a bit of a name for yourselves throughout the universe. If I were you I’d concentrate on making more really fun pubs with good beer and you may one day find earth has become quite the little destination spot for young adult beings.
So, in answer to your question, Why are you here. You’re rather a fun race for stags and you make good pubs. If you’re expecting anything greater than this, you have some work to do but keep at it. Keep evolving, try to use your mind a little more, it was put there for a reason after all and in the end just have fun because really that’s what life is. The most fun you’ll ever have.
Read more in my free teazer book right now:
Phil! The beginning of the universe/ A short story
And subscribe to my newsletters here
So, why are you here? Is it to create a better earth? That’s obviously not it as you’ve completely buggered this one up.
Is it to advance technology, to learn, to create an intelligent society? Surely there would have been quicker ways to do that than creating all you lot. I listen to all your prayers and rants and believe me you’re billions of years away from being an intelligent species, honestly even when I’m absolutely shotfaced I make more sense than most of you.
So why are you here? Are you ready for the answer to life? The answer to all your why’s? To the why behind your very existence?
It’s because in every universe some poor bastards got to look after the place. We can’t just keep creating universes and then not put anything in it. Can you imagine how terribly boring it would be if we didn’t do anything with all these places?
"Oh, what a beautiful universe, I wonder what’s over there, hmmm nothing there, how about that planet, no still just dust and shit, maybe that planet? Fucking hell that’s hot! This universe is complete shit lets go party somewhere else."
Now, putting you humans on earth it’s become rather fun for us. There’s been a number of stag parties that have gone to earth, picked up some drunken red neck in the middle of the night and played drinking games with him for a few days and then dropping him off with a bunch of stories that nobody will ever believe.
Also, you’ve become rather good at making pubs and have actually made a bit of a name for yourselves throughout the universe. If I were you I’d concentrate on making more really fun pubs with good beer and you may one day find earth has become quite the little destination spot for young adult beings.
So, in answer to your question, Why are you here. You’re rather a fun race for stags and you make good pubs. If you’re expecting anything greater than this, you have some work to do but keep at it. Keep evolving, try to use your mind a little more, it was put there for a reason after all and in the end just have fun because really that’s what life is. The most fun you’ll ever have.
Read more in my free teazer book right now:
Phil! The beginning of the universe/ A short story
And subscribe to my newsletters here
