Ellen Gable's Blog, page 126

NFP: No Holding Back

To continue the celebration of NFP Awareness Week, I'd like to share another article from the archives:

"The total physical self-giving would be a lie if it were not the sign and fruit of a total personal self-giving, in which the whole person, including the temporal dimension, is present: if the person were to withhold something or reserve the possibility of deciding otherwise in the future, by this very fact he or she would not be giving totally." John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, On the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World

After waiting for three years to be married (and to have sex), I greatly anticipated our marital consummation. In my mind, we would, of course, use birth control. I never really considered that James would be against that. The way I saw it, that was a totally different issue from the pre-marital sex issue. At the time, even though I was Catholic, I didn't know anyone who believed that birth control was wrong (except perhaps the Pope).

Since we were living 500 miles apart (with me in New Jersey and James in Canada), I brought the topic up for discussion about six weeks before our wedding, during one of our biweekly phone calls. I shared with my then fiancé that I wanted to be fitted for a diaphragm. He was silent for a moment, so I asked, "Is there anything wrong?"

"Well, yes," he answered. "I had always hoped that we wouldn't use birth control."

He gently tried to explain his reasons, but I wouldn't listen. I felt like he was making a big deal out of nothing. After all, I thought, doesn't everybody use some form of birth control?

This actually started our first fight in over three years of dating. We were teenagers when we first met and James was only 18 when we were engaged. "Well, if we aren't going to use birth control," I said, "and we've already decided that we need to wait a few years before having kids, what are we going to use?"

He answered, "I know someone who uses Natural Family Planning."

"Natural Family Planning? Isn't that rhythm?" I knew a lot of people who had used the rhythm method, with little success. "I don't think so," I replied.

At the time, it seemed like James was splitting hairs. After we ended the phone call, we continued writing back and forth. What worried me was when James wrote, "I'd rather have sex once a month with no birth control than every day with birth control." I remember thinking, What planet is he from?

Later, I received a letter in which he wrote the following: "When I think of me using a condom, it means that I'm actually holding back a part of myself. And if you were using a diaphragm or the pill or something, you would be keeping a part of yourself from me. When we give ourselves to each other, it should be a total gift, not a partial one." As we exchanged letters, I began to see that this whole issue was connected to the pre-marital sex issue. In the end, I decided to trust my future husband.

We took an NFP class, but I still wasn't convinced. In fact, it took me (a rather stubborn person) six months to see that NFP had an extremely positive impact on our relationship. I saw that it helped to preserve the romance and unity in our marriage. I became more aware of my body. I didn't feel used (on the contrary: I felt loved.) I found that NFP was as effective in avoiding pregnancy as most other methods of birth control with no physical side effects. And…that it works effectively to plan a pregnancy as well. After 29 years (and five children), passion and romance are still very much a part of our marriage. (My first novel, Emily's Hope, is the fictionalized true story of our courtship and my conversion story.)

James and I have now been certified NFP teachers for the Couple to Couple League for 27 years. If you're interested in NFP, email me at info (at) fullquiverpublishing.com for more information or leave a comment below.

Text copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Photo copyright 2011 Josh Hrkach

Say Yes to Life

Fire of Thy Love is holding a "Say Yes to Life" blog carnival, in part, to celebrate NFP Awareness Week. Check out the great posts from other bloggers upholding the value of life and "offering a life-affirming alternative to the contraceptive viewpoint."

http://fireofthylove.com/2011/07/16/y2l/

Welcome Baby Jesus by Sarah Reinhard

My latest review at Catholic Mom is for Sarah Reinhard's newly released booklet, Welcome Baby Jesus: Advent and Christmas Reflections for Families.

Welcome Baby Jesus: Advent and Christmas Reflections for Families, takes a refreshing, unique approach to Advent.

There are many children's Advent/Christmas books out there, but this delightful book includes activities and reflections for the entire family.

From the author: "Advent is a season that's almost forgotten by the secular world. You'll find Advent calendars, to be sure, but they are really an adornment for the "Christmas season," which begins sometime after Halloween and ends on Christmas Day."

Each section encompasses three different activities: Think, Pray and Act. Each Sunday has its own theme. The First Sunday of Advent and the week following is "Get Ready." The Second Sunday and following week is "Repent." The Third Sunday's theme is "Love," and the fourth Sunday, "Anticipate." The Christmas season has its own theme:" Rejoice." There are also stories and activities for the Feast of the Epiphany.

What sets this apart from other Advent preparation books is that it has reflections and activities for the entire family (parents included) so that both parent and child can prepare for the celebration of Christ's birth.

It may be months away, but Sarah Reinhard's beautifully designed book is an ideal gift for those families who wish to embrace the true meaning of Christmas and to grow closer to Christ. I highly recommend this wonderful book to everyone!

Copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

NFP's Many Benefits

In this day and age of healthful living, Natural Family Planning provides many benefits which not only ensure healthy living, this remarkable method of birth regulation is also environmentally friendly and promotes authentic marital love. Here are just a few of the many benefits of NFP:

NFP is safe.

There are no harmful side effects for either the husband or wife. It is completely safe, 100 percent natural and it involves no potentially harmful devices or drugs.

NFP is healthy.

There are no pills, invasive procedures, long-term drugs. Women who use NFP know more about their bodies and can discover health problems sooner.

NFP is effective.

NFP can be 99 percent effective in avoiding pregnancy when there is serious need to do so. The beauty of NFP is that it can also assist some couples in achieving much-wanted pregnancies without chemicals and operations.

NFP costs very little to use.

This is especially helpful in this economy. Other than the cost of the course, materials and the replacement of thermometers, NFP costs very little to use over a couple's 20 or 30 years of fertility, compared to purchasing condoms, diaphragms, Pills and other chemicals or operations.

NFP is environmentally friendly.

NFP does no harm to the environment. Charts can be recycled and there are no chemicals or other devices used.

NFP is marriage insurance.

In a study done by the Couple to Couple League, couples who used NFP had a less than two percent risk of divorce compared to the national secular average of 50 percent.

NFP fosters authentic marital love and allows a couple to love as Christ loves: freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully.

NFP is morally acceptable to all faiths.

NFP works with irregular cycles.

NFP is not like the old rhythm method, which depended on regular cycles. NFP's charting system works with a woman's present signs of fertility.

My husband and I currently teach NFP online. For more information, contact us at info (at) fullquiverpublishing.com or leave a comment below.

For more information on NFP:

www.ccli.org

www.serena.ca

www.woomb.org

http://www.creightonmodel.com/

Text and cartoon copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach/FQP

Fiction Friday – Stealing Jenny Web Page

My soon-to-be released novel, Stealing Jenny, now has a web page!

www.stealingjenny.com

I'll be posting reviews as they come in.

Here is another short excerpt:

"Mom, we're home!" Christine's voice woke Jenny. She opened her eyes and sat upright as all four girls came into the living room. "How come you didn't meet us at the bus stop? I was scared when I didn't see you. I saw a lady looking strangely at us from the house across the street from the bus stop. She really creeped me out. I think I saw her following us home too." Her oldest daughter was scowling and leaning over her. Chris was the only Callahan child who hadn't inherited some form of Tom's red hair. With her long brown hair, she reminded Jenny of herself at that age.

"Honey, I'm sorry. I fell asleep. Thanks for walking the girls home. A lady looking strangely at you?"

Her daughter nodded.

Jenny took a deep breath, then exhaled. Chris was a worrier and a little on the paranoid side.

"You know, people are allowed to look out their windows and walk on the street."

"Yeah, well, she looked kinda familiar."

"Familiar?"

"Yeah, but I can't remember where I've seen her before."

"Well, if she lives near the bus stop, you may have seen her in the neighborhood."

"I don't think so." Chris pulled a paper out of her backpack. "Hey, I got 100 on my spelling test." She held it in front of Jenny's face.

"That's fantastic, Chris."

"Hi, girls," Jenny called to her twin daughters.

"Hi Mommy," said Callie and Cassie, in unison.

"Mom, look at my drawing," Chloe, her six year old, said, as she pushed it in Jenny's face.

"That's beautiful, honey."

* * *

"Jen, sit down. I'll wash the dishes tonight. You're supposed to be off your feet." Jenny's husband, Tom, was already piling dishes into the dishwasher.

"I know, but you cooked supper too. And the doctor said I could do simple tasks like the dishes and walking the girls to the bus stop."

"You should be taking it easy. Sit down and talk to me while I do the dishes." He was gently lowering her to the chair. He flipped the dish towel over his shoulder and washed a pot while whistling the tune from Gilligan's Island. He wore her apron with the fading letters of "Mom's Apron: Please Wipe Nose Below Line" with a red line low on the garment. A small darkish stain had taken up residence below the line last summer when she had made blackberry jam. Jenny cringed when she recalled the last time her mother-in-law came for dinner. Doris kept staring at the line and the stain, wondering if Jenny really allowed her kids to wipe their noses on her apron.

Tom glanced at her and winked.

"You look adorable in that apron," Jenny teased.

"Don't I know it."

Stealing Jenny will be released on September 15th.

Copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach/Full Quiver Publishing

NFP/Abstinence Humor

copyright 2011 James and Ellen Hrkach and Full Quiver Publishing

A Biblical Basis for Life

My new column at Catholic Mom this month is a re-edited column from Amazing Catechists called "Birth Control: Relevant Quotes From Scripture."

Many Christians (and some Catholics) attempt to cite Scripture to justify their use of artificial contraception saying that the Bible has nothing to say on this topic. I agree that nowhere in the Bible are the actual words "birth control" (since this term was first coined by Margaret Sanger in 1914). However, Scripture does have a lot to say in support of the 2000-year Catholic teaching which states that the use of contraception and non-life-giving behaviors is immoral. Fertility and children are always seen as a blessing.

Genesis 1:27-28: "And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. And God blessed them; and God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth."

Psalm 127:3-5: "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children on one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they shall not be ashamed, when they speak with their enemies in the gate."

Psalm 139:13-14: "For You created my innermost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

Isaiah 49:1,5: "Before I was born the Lord called me…and now the Lord says, He who formed me in the womb to be His servant…"

Deuteronomy 7:13-14: "He will love you and bless you and multiply you; He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground, your grain and your new wine and your oil, the increase of your herd and the young of your flock, in the land which He swore to your forefathers to give you. You shall be blessed above all peoples; there will be no male or female barren among you or among your cattle."

The clearest indication that birth control and non-life-giving behaviors are immoral is the following passage about Onan, whose brother, Er, had died before he was able to father a child. Onan was being asked to follow the Levirate Law, which commanded him to have intercourse with his brother's widow.

Genesis 38: 8-10: "Then Judah said to Onan, Go in to your brother's wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother. Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also."

The Levirate Law was in place in order to preserve the family line. If a man refused to perform his duty, his sister-in-law could strike him in the face with his sandal. The death penalty was never involved. God considered this incident more than a refusal of duty. It was such a serious offense that God killed Onan.

The following excellent article by Fr. William Saunders is an extensive list of the contraceptive references in the Bible:

http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re0663.html

Copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Fiction Friday – Stealing Jenny Chapter One

Here is another excerpt from my soon-to-be-released contemporary pro-life thriller, Stealing Jenny. To read the prologue, go here.

One month later

Jenny knelt in front of the toilet, her protruding stomach pressed against the porcelain bowl. Her toddler stared quizzically at her.

"Momma 'kay?" Caleb asked.

"Uh-huh. I'm just. . ." She emptied the contents of her stomach, straightened then exhaled.

"Yuck." Caleb leaned in, but kept a safe distance away.

She didn't particularly like the nausea, but welcomed it because her doctor said that it meant that Little Buddy was still safe in her womb.

Motherhood and pregnancy already had their usual challenges, especially with five small children. But when she first held her daughter, Christine, in her arms, she realized that this was her purpose in life: to be a mom.

The forced bed rest for most of the past month had been difficult, to say the least. Thankfully, a week ago, the doctor gave her permission to do simple housework and pick up the kids from the bus stop, but advised her to remain off her feet most of the time.

She reached for the hand towel on the counter and wiped her mouth.

"Don't like that." Caleb's small hand patted her head. "Kay, Mom?"

"Yes, I'm okay." She pushed herself up and stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Some pregnant women glowed, but pregnancy usually brought out the worst in her, from the oily hair to the slight acne to the constant green tinge. At least her maternity shirt was bright and pretty with blue and white flowers.

"Come on, Caleb." She took hold of her son's hand and led him into the kitchen for a snack, then noticed that he hadn't finished his grilled cheese sandwich. Now that her stomach was empty, the half-eaten lunch looked appetizing. She ate a couple bites, felt queasy again, then decided against finishing it.

She got a box of crackers from the cupboard and gave a handful to Caleb, who shoved them in his mouth.

Dirty dishes were stacked on the counter. She knew she ought to wash them, but at this time of the day, her body cried out for rest more than anything else. Besides, the doctor advised her to stay off her feet as much as possible.

She leaned against the sliding doors and stared at the spacious back yard. It was a beautiful, summer-like day and Jenny breathed in the fresh air. One of the neat things about pregnancy was the heightened sense of smell, although that could also be a disadvantage, depending on the scent.

Behind her, Bootsie barked to go outside. Jenny slid open the patio door and the beagle scampered away.

She took her son's hand, sat him in front of the television and turned on a Blues Clues DVD.

Jenny lowered herself onto the sofa, her heavy pregnant body sinking into the cushions. Immediately, the dog began to whine and scratch at the back door. She sighed, pushed herself up and trudged across the living room and kitchen to open the sliding glass doors. The dog ran inside.

The clock on the wall chimed that it was quarter to three. In half an hour, the girls would be arriving at the bus stop. The new school year had been in session for the past week. Jenny had been hoping that this year she could persuade Chris to walk her sisters home the one and a half blocks. Unfortunately, Chris had a fear of walking alone since she heard her classmates talking about a girl who was abducted in Toronto. She tried to reassure her daughter that that sort of thing didn't happen in their small community, but Christine wouldn't hear any of it.

Next week: Excerpt from Chapter Two

Stealing Jenny will be available on September 15, 2011

Copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach/Full Quiver Publishing

The Future of Self-Publishing: E-Books

Yesterday, I was over at the Catholic Writers Guild blog writing about self-publishing and e-books.

Two weeks ago, both my new book, Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship and my second novel, , were in the top 100 of their genre categories on the Amazon Kindle. has continued to remain in the top 100 on and off for the past week.

Most of the books I read now are on my Kindle or computer. I rarely read a print book these days. E-books are usually less expensive than print books. E-books are environmentally friendly. So what does this mean for authors?

Here's an excerpt of the article:

Imagine a future where kids don't have to carry around a heavy backpack for all their books, merely a small thin bag to tote around. Imagine a future where ALL books cost under $10, with many being 2.99 or under and millions available for FREE. Imagine a future where an author can receive 70 percent of the royalties…

That future is NOW!

Making my books available on Amazon Kindle was the single best marketing tool I've ever used. Recently, both my new book, Come My Beloved, and my second novel, , were in the top 100 in Amazon Kindle Books on the same day!

With tens of thousands of Kindle (and other) e-readers being sold daily, they are fast becoming the wave of the future! The Kindle reader is also available as a free application for PC, iPod, iPad and iPhone, so it's not necessary to spend money to read a Kindle book.

Amazon currently offers Kindle publishers 70 percent royalty (for most books) and there are virtually no up front costs. Of course, there are other advantages to having your self-published book available on the Amazon Kindle.

To read the rest, click on the link below:

http://blog.catholicwritersguild.com/2011/07/e-books-future-of-self-publishing.html

Text and photo copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Fiction Friday – Stealing Jenny Prologue

For Fiction Friday in the summer months, I will be featuring short excerpts of my third novel, Stealing Jenny, which will be available on September 15th in print and on Kindle. The following is the prologue of the novel.

August 4th

One more baby to hold in her arms. That's all Jenny Callahan wanted. After three heartbreaking miscarriages, every twinge and cramp at the beginning of this pregnancy had caused her to fear for her unborn child's life. But now, with less than six weeks until her due date, she felt like she was "home free."

Jenny didn't initially notice the swirling dark red fluid on the shower floor under her large pregnant stomach. When she finally did see the bright explosion of crimson in the water, she stifled a scream and started to shake uncontrollably. The only person home was three-year-old Caleb, who was sitting in front of the television watching a Barney DVD. Jenny's husband, Tom, and their four daughters were an hour away at the movie theater in Ottawa. She quickly turned off the shower, stuffed a towel between her legs and pulled on her robe. She began to hyperventilate and had to will herself to calm down. I must call Mom. Her mother arrived within minutes and whisked her and Caleb off to the hospital.

During the entire five-minute journey, she begged God to allow Little Buddy to be born safely. Her baby was in real jeopardy, considering the blood which had already soaked through the towel and was now seeping onto the seat. The mineral scent was sickening. Please, God, I'll do anything you ask of me, just let Little Buddy be okay. Her mother kept saying "It'll be fine," but that's what mothers are supposed to say. Moments later, Jenny breathed a sigh of relief when the ultrasound revealed the baby's obvious heartbeat and movement. However, the doctor cautioned, she would have to remain on bed rest in the hospital for a day or so until they could stop the bleeding.

Next week: Chapter 1 excerpt

Stealing Jenny will be released on September 15, 2011.

Copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach/Full Quiver Publishing