Renee Kinlaw's Blog, page 2

February 21, 2019

That I Might See

Often what we consider a bad situation is a blessing in disguise. My house suffered damage through Hurricane Florence this past year and my house is currently being repaired. So, I sit here this morning on the back porch of a beach house in Cherry Grove, enjoying this peaceful moment conversing with my Father, as a dense fog rolls in off the ocean. The longer I sit, the thicker the covering.Life is like that sometimes. Often catching us off guard. Leaving us in doubt and in fear, not knowing where we should place our next step. What we knew as truth is hidden behind a curtain of uncertainty, making a place for all kinds of new and terrifying thoughts. Panic and anxiety settle in as truths become more and more distorted in the cloudiness of our vision.Reaching forward we grasp onto whatever we can, hoping and praying that we have attained the one thing that will lead us through the misty haze. Yet, instead of grabbing hold of the truth, we clasp our hands around our enemy’s snare. The things he lays out before us in those times of insecurity-assumptions, mistrust, self-loathing, loneliness, fear of abandonment, regrets, selfishness, the list goes on and on.You fight knowing you need to quench those feelings, those raw emotions. Somehow you must keep them from overtaking you, but here in the fogginess of life, you just give in and let the enemy win. It is not that you want to, but you are just too tired and too frightened by the unknown to keep pressing forward.You know the truth is somewhere hidden in the foggy mist, yet you cannot find it. Discernment has vanished as confusion takes over. In your despair, you cry in anguish. Afraid to be alone, but too scared to walk on, unaware that there are many on this same path with us.Remember Job? He spent his days walking through this foggy mist. So did many other Bible greats. Even the people we hold in high Christian esteem find themselves on this same uncertain journey of life.In our times of uncertainty, when the path is unsure and clouded by doubts and fear, we must trust the one thing we know to hold true regardless of our circumstances. We must trust our Father, the Creator of all to lead and guide us safely through. He is our lighthouse, our candle in the darkness. The hope of our salvation. Even when we are unsure of His presence, we must believe His promise that He is still there. Listen for His voice. Stand still and wait for His touch. He will lead you through. He will not let you fail. He will not abandon you.As you notice in the pictures, the fog has completely enveloped the tall buildings in the background. I can no longer see them from where I sit, but I know they are still there.Therefore I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me.(Micah 7:7, NKJV)You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.(Psalm 16:11, NKJV)Open my eyes, Father. Give me a clear vision so that I might see. Whisper Your words of peace over this troubled soul. Calm my doubts and fears with the touch of Your mighty hand. Forever, You will be my praise and my song. In Jesus name, Amen.Soon the clouds of doubt will dissipate and reveal what you knew to be truth all along.
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Published on February 21, 2019 08:07

February 14, 2019

Forever in Love

The following is one of my favorite scenes from Chasing Abigail*. I dedicated this book to my Michael, my soulmate, my forever love.I am Forever in Love with you, Joseph Michael Kinlaw.“Are you sure you are alright, dear?” Ms. Sheri was the mother Abigail had wanted. Always taking the time to consider her feelings.“Yes, ma’am. I am fine.” Abigail lied to the older woman, knowing Sheri could see through her falsehood.“Well, I’m right downstairs if you need me.”“Thank you, Ms. Sheri,” Abigail muttered softly. The last thing she wanted to do now was talk. She just wanted to go upstairs, kick off her shoes and soak in a hot tub. She prayed the melatonin she had purchased earlier did its trick tonight. She needed sleep like she needed air. Her day of feigning happiness had left her drained.“He’ll come around.”She gave Ms. Sheri a nod, she could not force words from her lips for she knew if she did, she would be bawling all over again.“I know you are hurting, dear. But I have been praying for you and Michael since that first day he ran with you. You were meant to be together, and I know God will work it all out.” Sheri put her arm around the younger woman’s shoulder and pulled her near. “You just wait and see what I tell you. That man still loves you. It was written all over his face today. Don’t give up on him yet.”Heaving her tired legs, and few packages upstairs, she remembered Michael’s face when they met at the church. At least he had taken the time to speak to her. His abrupt departure from the sanctuary had left her bereaved again. Emma and Sheri did their best to cheer her up. They assured her that she and Michael would work things out. She hoped they were right. But from where she stood, she did not know if he would ever forgive her.She sighed at the placing of her foot on the flat wood surface of the small porch that opened the way to her front door. Looking down into her pocketbook to grab her keys, Abigail’s eye caught the gifts left by Michael. Kneeling on the cold floor, she held the roses close to her chest, inhaling their sweet fragrance. The small lantern that lit up her entrance did not provide her with enough light to read his letter, so she opened the door, throwing her packages on the floor. She sank deep into her couch, pulling her legs underneath her. She held the small bag in her lap while unfolding the letter.My dearest Abi,Yes, my sweet Abi, you are still the dearest thing in the world to me. I am so sorry for the way I have treated you. Instead of trusting your love for me, I allowed my pride and ego to rule, and I accused and judged you without cause.The night you came home, my father was at my house. After you left, he gave me a ‘good talking to’ like he has so many times over the years. He asked me to read Isaiah 53 and 1 Corinthians 13. I would like to invite you to do the same if you will. My father also reminded me that love is not a contract or obligation that one must fulfill. It is a commitment. The day I told you that I loved you, I committed myself to loving you completely. But I failed you, Abi. I chose to be angry, instead of understanding. Instead of listening, I judged you. For that, I will always be sorry.I wish that things could have been different and that you would have been able to ask me to go along with you. I will not apologize for worrying about you, nor will I apologize for missing you. When I first found you gone, I thought I had lost my whole world.My Father, however, reminded me that it was God who had put us together and it was God who would hold us together. Not only did I fail to trust you, but I also failed to trust God. I have asked God to forgive me, now I am asking you.I pray you find it in your heart to forgive me. I so desperately need you. I love you, Abi, and no matter what happens, I will always love you. In the bag, you will find a gift that I was going to give you on the day you left. I hope you like it and will cherish it.If you are willing to give us another chance, I promise I will be slower to judge and less apt to speculate on your actions. I promise I will trust your love for me. Above all, I will trust God’s plan for us to be one because I still believe you are my one.Forever in Love with you,MichaelShe could barely see the gift bag for the many tears that flowed from her already swollen eyes. Setting the bag on the coffee table in front of her, Abigail reached for the Bible Michael had given her. She had to know what had changed his heart towards her. Opening the cover to the first pages as he had told her to do, Abigail found the page number for the book of Isaiah. Thumbing her way past the familiar book of Psalms and Proverbs, she found the fifty-third chapter as he asked.Popping the lid from her pink highlighter, she began to read the passage slowly. With each passing verse, the love of God poured into her soul. Filling her with a new sense of need and wanting. For so long she had thought she did not need God. Why she had even laughed about how she could outrun anyone, except God, and here He was again, catching her. Her hands busily highlighted the verses that grabbed her heart.Abigail reached within the bag and pulled out the small velvet jewelry box. Tugging gingerly at the ribbon, she opened the lid to reveal Michael’s heart-shaped locket. Her trembling hand lifted the golden chain from the silk liner revealing another handwritten note.“The way I see it, if you give me your heart, and I give you mine, we will each still have a heart. It’s a win-win situation, my dear.”Abigail’s heart fluttered as the revelation of truth overpowered her.“If I give you my broken heart, Lord, You will replace it with Your perfect one. Michael was right. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.” Abigail laughed to herself. “You really did send Michael to trip me up, didn’t You? Everything he has done, carrying me, holding me, loving me, has been a reflection of You. I have been so blind to Your love for me all these years.”Kneeling on the floor between her couch and coffee table, Abigail prayed for salvation.“I don’t know what to say or how to ask for it, but Lord, I know that I need Your love and forgiveness. I believe everything. Everything that I have read and everything that Michael has told me. I am in desperate need of saving, and I ask You, to come into my heart Lord. Forgive me for all my sins. Heal my brokenness. And Father, increase my love for Michael. Help me love him the way You do. Thank You for sending him to me. Thank You for chasing after me all these years and never giving up on me. I ask all these things in Your name, Amen.”She felt the weight of the past lift from her as she raised herself from the carpet. Picking her Bible and new locket up from the table, Abigail shut off the lights and made her way to her bedroom. Too tired to read now, she placed her Bible by her bed, she would read the passage in Corinthians in the morning before she got dressed for church. Reaching across the nightstand to click off her lamp, the locket caught her eye. There was something engraved on the back. Squinting her tired eyes, she read Michael’s last declaration of love for her before falling into a peaceful rest.“Forever in Love.”**********A few miles down the road, Michael donned his thick winter coat and walked out to the roaring Atlantic. He felt closer to God here than he did in his house. There was something special about being under the stars as he and the Father conversed.“Whatever happens, Father, it is in your hands. I will trust You and Your love for Abigail and for me. She is my one. The one You created just for me. Please guide me in the right way. Bring us back together, Lord.” He swiped away the escaping drop of water. The stars were big and bright tonight as if the angels were gathered near watching over him, preparing to redeem what God had ordained. “You were already here, waiting for me to come, weren’t You, Father? That’s just like You, always knowing what I need.” Michael took a few steps closer to the outgoing tide. “Your love is as vast as the ocean. Deeper than any sea. Stronger than the wind and waves. We need Your love to shape us into the perfect mates for each other. Mold me into the man she needs me to be and teach me to love her the way You do.” Looking down the stretch of sand that led to Abigail’s place, Michael smiled as the image of her running to him filled his mind. “Thank You for the gift of her. All that spunk and sassiness. The vulnerability, her beautiful face, the touch of her hands, her kisses, her gorgeous…” Michael bit his lip shyly. “You get the idea. I love every bit of that feisty little woman, You made for me. I promise to chase her forever. Now, if you will help me catch her once again.”“Love never fails.”*Chasing Abigail, copyright 2018, Renee Kinlaw, Chapter Twenty-Three
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Published on February 14, 2019 07:56

February 13, 2019

Disillusioned by Valentine's Day

My husband was watching one of his new favorite shows last night while I was working on book promotions. I was listening in as the show was on Valentine’s Day. As any good writer of romance, I wanted to see if there was something that would spur on my imagination.As the show proceeded through the storyline, I found out one of the main characters had planned a romantic dinner out, for his wife so they could be alone, just the two of them. He carefully made all the necessary arrangements -- the most romantic setting, the best gift he could afford. Why he had even dressed in his suit and tie for the occasion. He did everything he possibly could think of to make this night special for her. Amazing how our best laid out plans fall apart, isn’t it?I thought to myself, how precious that he would go through these great lengths just to let her know how much she meant to him. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned. The perfect Valentine’s romance was a disillusion of what his mind had conjured up.Two other characters on the show had their own disillusions of Valentines. One character said it was just another expensive sales day that business owner’s made up in greed. She no longer celebrated the day because she was always disappointed by her husband's last-minute attempts to keep himself on her good list. The other character, a male, said that he no longer believed in Valentine’s day for true love did not exist as his wife left him for another man.Let’s face it. We all get a little selfish, sidetracked and disillusioned by what we consider love and romance. If it isn’t our way, or if there are no fireworks or some great showing of affection, then we often feel let down. We have seen so many fictional movies and read so many fictional books that we begin to think of romance and love is something we will never obtain. Televised talk-shows have distorted it. Ad campaigns have cheapened it. Many popular books declare themselves the way to a happy and perfect marriage or relationship. Come on, we all know there is no such thing. There is no perfection in this world. To allow ourselves to believe that there could be such a thing is to only become completely delusional.When we reach this point, of believing if I am not loved or romanced the way I want, then it is not real, we not only find disappointment in our spouses, our children, and our friends. We even find it our God. In our disillusioned state, we lash out at those who love and care for us. We begin to blame others for our own misguided definitions.“If he truly loved me then…”“If she truly loved me then…”“If God truly loved me then…”Cade Andrews, one of the main characters in my novel, Leann’s Victory , had come to this place in life. He was bitter and angry because he had allowed himself to become disenchanted with love and with God. He had bought into the lie if it is not the way you want it, then it is not real. It had to be all about Cade, and his desires. Sound familiar? That is not love, nor is it romance.There is a scene in the book that really speaks to my heart. I ashamedly admit that I have fallen prey to the lie that I was not loved by God. In this chapter, Cade and Graham Daniels, the other male lead, are walking on the beach when Cade asks him this question:“How do you know God loves you?”“Because He gave me people who loved me.Think about it. I know from what you have told me that you have been let down by some people. You are not just upset with those people; you blame God for it. But Cade, for all those who let you down, hasn’t there always been someone else who loved you?”Cade did not reply. Instead, he counted those who did love him.“How many meals have you missed? How many days did the sun not rise? What about your education? The scholarship you received? You’ve talked about all that you have missed, but what have you missed out on? Could it be that you have been worshipping your hurt? The truth is you have been loved. Maybe not the way you wanted. But you have been loved. God has loved you from the very beginning, and nothing will ever change that.”Like Cade, too often we focus on what we don’t have, or on the disappointments in life, allowing those things to become the center of our worship. A life spent looking only at the hard times will never rejoice in the good. It is time we pull back the blindfold and embrace the true meaning of Love and Romance again.They are so much more than what we believe them to be. Love and Romance move beyond intimacy. They reach out to sweep the floor, wash the dishes, and put away the laundry. Love and Romance leave notes of encouragement, whether written or spoken. They offer up a prayer for strength and wisdom. They exist outside of Valentine’s Day, Weddings, and Anniversaries. Often covered up and unseen, Love and Romance continue giving of themselves in the mundane in small and subtle ways.The Love and Romance of God is the same way. It exists whether we do or do not acknowledge it. No human has ever been without it. King David said in Psalms 139, that God loved us long before we were born. My favorite passage, Isaiah 53, describes in great detail, the love of God for us all. The familiar verse of John 3:16 tells us that God so loved the world, which includes you. That means you are loved by God.You may not be loved the way you wanted, but you have been loved.With each sunrise, God says, “Good morning, My Love.”With each twinkling star, He whispers, “I am here, watching over you.”With each breeze, He strokes your skin, letting you feel His presence.With each sunset, He is painting a masterpiece for your enjoyment.With each cry of a baby, HE says I still love mankind.Don’t be disillusioned by what the world says love is, look to the Great Romance. He is love. And His love never fails.This Valentine’s Day, I challenge you not to buy some fancy card that will end up in the trash one day or an expensive gift that will soon be forgotten. Instead, do something that will enhance the love you have for your God, your spouse, your family, and your friends. List the many ways they show their love for you. Then list the many things you love about them. Give them these 2 lists. I also challenge you to make a list of the many ways you show love back. Keep that list for yourself, checking it often to see where improvements can be made.I believe if we spend more time focusing on what love is, we will be less disillusioned and not near as delusional!Happy Valentine’s Day!I pray you take this day to celebrate the gift of love.The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. (Jeremiah 31:3, NKJV)The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”(Zephaniah 3:17, NKJV)But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8, NJKV)In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. (1 John 4:10, NKJV)… To Him who loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood, (Revelation 1:5, NKJV)
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Published on February 13, 2019 11:27

February 10, 2019

Your Keys

“Thanks for following me.”“You’re welcome,” Cade mumbled as Graham settled himself in the seat beside him.“I need to go by the farmstead we just purchased if you don’t mind.”“Just point me in the right direction.”The silence in the car was deafening. Graham could tell something was eating at him.“This is a nice car. Lots of gadgets and gizmos.”“Yes, sir.” He kept his eyes on the road ahead of him. He was not in the mood for idle chit-chat.“Have you figured them all out yet?”Cade cracked a half grin. “No, sir. Not all of them.”They rode on in silence, while Graham played with the different buttons testing them. “This car is smarter than I am.” Graham chuckled. “I think I’ll stick to the old stuff.Graham could see Cade rolling his eyes at him through the darkened shades.“Why Graham Enterprises?”“Excuse me?”“Why did you name your business Graham Enterprises?”“When I started I did not think my small business was going to be this big. Honestly, I was trying to make a buck, but God continued to bless me. The day I went to apply for a business license they wanted to know the name of my business. I had not given it much thought, so I just wrote down the first thing that came to me—Graham’s Enterprises. I never thought there would be an enterprise. Take the next exit. Then take the first dirt road on your right.”He could not believe what he was seeing. This could not be the farm Graham proudly purchased. The fields were overgrown with weeds and small trees sprouts. It would take a lot of work to get it back in working order.“So, what you think?”Cade allowed the car to coast up the drive to the old farmhouse. “It’s something alright. Definitely in need of remodeling.”“You have to see it as what it could be not as it is. That’s the heart of restoration.” Graham exited the car and waited for Cade to join him. “I plan to turn it into a rescue mission for abused mothers and their children. Look at that field over there. Can’t you see the children running around playing kickball? Imagine here in the house a large family table where meals are shared. The barn will be restored to house animals of course. Some of the fields will be used to grow food. Some I plan to turn into playgrounds. Depending on the need we may use some of the land to build cabins for the residence.”“Wow.” Cade could see it now. The house freshly painted white, horses in the corral. Children laughing and playing. He wondered how a man like Graham could have left him and his mother behind. He seemed to love and care for so many. Why could he not love and care for them?“Give me your keys.” Graham held out his hand to Cade as they prepared to leave.“Excuse me?”“Give me your keys.”He pulled his keys from his pocket and dropped them in Graham’s outstretched palm.“Get in.”Cade kept a skeptical eye on Graham as he snapped his seatbelt into place. He had the gnawing feeling that the older man was up to something.“Are you ready?” Graham grinned mischievously before shifting the gear into drive and stomping on the gas.“Whoa,” Cade hollered and grabbed hold of the handrail attached to the side of the car. His fingernails on his left-hand dug deep into the leather console as Graham slammed the brakes and spun the car around. “Are you trying to kill us?”Down the narrow path that ran past the farmhouse to the pond, Graham pushed the car to see how fast she could go, laughing all the way at Cade who was now white-faced with horror. Without hesitating, Graham rammed the vehicle into an open field.“What are you doing?”Cade screamed at him to stop the craziness, but Graham did not listen. He was relentless in his excursion. Round and round, they went creating donuts in the dry dirt. Between the car’s tinted windows and the dust storm, Graham spun up, Cade could not see anything. He knew any minute now they would slam against a tree or plunge into the pond. Either way, they were going to die.The car stopped suddenly, allowing Cade the opportunity to open the door just in time to keep the contents of his stomach from spilling all over him.“That was fun.”“Have you lost your mind?” The shouted question came more as a statement of Cade’s fury. “Get out of my car.”Graham exited the car as commanded, leaning his arms on the car’s roof for support as he laughed in response to the younger man’s words, which in return only added to Cade’s aggravation.“What would you do if I drove your car like that?”“My car? What makes you think you will ever drive one of my cars?”Cade bore holes in Graham with his glaring eyes. “Seriously? You are not going to let me drive your car after the way you just drove mine?”“Seriously.” Graham lifted his chin in the air at the boy and gave him a half-cocked grin. “I don’t hand over my keys that easily.”“I should leave your behind out here in the middle of nowhere.” Cade was trembling with anger. “Who do you think you are?”“I’m the man who just drove the fire out of your car.” Graham chuckled, popping Cade playfully in the back of the head as he made his way to the passenger side of the car. “Learn the lesson, Cade.”“What lesson is that?”“Your car is like your life, Son; it was bought at a high price. You should be more careful who you let behind the wheel. Look what I did. I drove you hard and fast. I spun you around in circles, and I got you dirty. I could have wrecked you and what could you have done about it? Not a thing. You allowed me to do it all because you freely gave me the keys.”Graham carefully stepped over Cade’s previous spewing and settled into the passenger seat again. “If you will be so kind as to drive me home now.”“I should drive you to the mental hospital,” Cade mumbled the words.“I heard that.” Graham smirked back at him.Cade flopped down in the driver seat and glared at the infuriating Graham, which only made Graham laugh harder at the naïve boy.Graham finally stopped with the cackling and snide remarks at Cade’s gullibility to hold a real conversation.“Where are you staying, Cade?”Not knowing if he should answer or if it was another set up for more torture from the older man, he kept quiet and focused on his driving.“All jokes aside. I would like to know.”“I have a room at the beach resort.”“Wow. That’s got to cost you a chunk of money.”“Why do you care how much money I spend?” Cade was beginning to think working with Graham was not the best idea. The man was always getting into his business.“I thought you might like a better deal that’s all.”“What are you suggesting?”“Well, it depends on how long you plan to be around.”“I’m not sure.” Cade spat at the older man. “It all depends on you,” he wanted to add.“I take it you would not be interested in renting an apartment from me?” Graham could see by the twitching of his lip that he was considering the possibility. “I have one above my backyard garage for rent. It has two bedrooms, only one bath, but it comes fully furnished. How does five hundred a month strike you?”“When can I move in?”“So, you are not mad at me anymore?” Graham nudged him with his elbow making him smile.“I didn’t say that.”Cade shoved Graham’s arm off the center console and planted his own arm there firmly.Graham chuckled again at the cocky young man. “Swing by the motel and grab your stuff.”*This excerpt is from Chapter 14 of Leann's Victoryby Renee Kinlaw. Work is copywritten and may not be reused or republished without consent of Author Renee Kinlaw.
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Published on February 10, 2019 17:16

January 5, 2019

When God Hides

There’s a beautiful hymn that is playing over and over in my heart this morning. It was written by Frances Crosby and published way back in 1890. I find it amazing that those words penned so long ago, still touch and transform mysoul today. The song is entitled He Hideth My Soul.He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock, That shadows a dry, thirsty land; He hideth my life in the depths of His love, And covers me there with His hand, And covers me there with His hand.I don’t know about you, but there are times, I feel as though God is hiding from me. There are times I question: “Where are You? Do you care? Are You listening? Do You see me?” And yes, there are those times when I have screamed in anger, wondering how and why? I have also trembled in fear as I allowed doubt to overtake my mind with lies as I even questioned if God had finally given up on me. I have wondered if the scriptures were true, did He really feel my pain.In time past, I have been ashamed and even felt the heavy hand of guilt as these thoughts and questions rose from my brokenness. Yet, in those moments when I came boldly to the throne and voiced my hurt to my Father, it was then I felt Him holding me. You and I are not alone in our doubts and confusion. There were many others before us who felt the same desperation. The same emptiness and fear of being forsaken. It was through remembering and looking back to the scriptures I have been taught since childhood, that faith pulled me to a higher understanding of the absolute greatness of God’s love for me.Remember the great prophet, Elijah? He had his moment of fear and doubt, too. It came right after God had given him a huge victory over his enemy. A few verses later we find, Elijah, hiding in a cave, terrified that his foes were going to take his life. (1 Kings 17-19.)The great King David, well, he had his moments too. The book of Psalms is full of them.Oh, and Jesus’ own cousin. The one who leaped in his mother’s womb. The very same one that baptized Him and proclaimed, “Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world.” (John 1:29) He had his moment too. While imprisoned, John asked his disciples to go back to Jesus and ask Him if He was truly the one. (Matthew 11)And do not let us forget our beloved Savior. The only one truly forsaken by God, the Father. In the garden, He prays let this cup pass from Me. The pain He was facing was more than physical. It was emotional and spiritual pain also. The heartbreak of being rejected, denied and betrayed. The anguish of knowing that for a short moment, sin triumphed as His body hangs on the cross. In those moments, He cried out, “Why have You forsaken me?”So, therefore, you and I are going to face these same times when we feel completely abandoned and forgotten. But do not lose heart. For God will reveal Himself in time. For me, it came around my fortieth birthday. I, like my character Cade Andrews from Leann’s Victory, often questioned if God really cared then “why?” Today at forty-nine, I look back and see an amazing image of me being held in the hands of God. In those moments, that I could not see His face, it was because He held me securely within the palms of His hand; keeping me out of the reach of the enemy while molding me into the woman that I was created to be—His Daughter.God is not really hiding from me, His hands are blocking my view of His face.Father, help us to trust that when we cannot see your face. When we cannot feel Your presence, You have not forgotten us, nor have You abandoned us. It is during those times, Your hands of grace and mercy are covering us, keeping us sheltered and protected from the enemy and from ourselves. Thank You for Your wisdom that knows far more than we can ever attain. Thank You, for the gift of approaching You boldly knowing that You hear our hearts cry and that You care. In Jesus’ name, we humbly pray. Amen.For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah(Psalm 61:3-4, NKJV)
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Published on January 05, 2019 12:36

June 18, 2018

Your Keys...

The following is an excerpt to "Leann's Victory", my first attempt at Christian Fiction, scheduled to debut later this summer. I hope you enjoy it...“Thanks for following me.”“You’re welcome.” Cade mumbled as Graham settled himself in the seat beside him.“I need to go by the farmstead we just purchased, if you don’t mind.”“Just point me in the right direction.”The silence in the car was deafening. Graham could tell something was eating at Cade.“This is a nice car. Lots of gadgets and gizmos.”“Yes, sir.” Cade kept his eyes on the road ahead of him. He was not in the mood for idle chit-chat.“Have you figured them all out yet?”Cade cracked a half grin. “No sir. Not all of them.”They rode on in silence, while Graham played with the different buttons testing them.“This car is smarter than I am.” Graham chuckled. “I think I’ll stick to the old stuff."Graham could see Cade rolling his eyes at him through the darkened shades.“Why Graham Enterprises?”“Excuse me?”“Why did you name your business Graham Enterprises?”“When I started out I really didn’t think my small business was going to be this big. Honestly, I was just trying to make a buck. But, God continued to bless me. The day I went to apply for a business license they wanted to know the name of my business. I hadn’t really given it much thought, so I just wrote down the first thing that came to me—Graham’s Enterprises. I never thought there would actually be an enterprise. Take the next exit. Then take the first dirt road on your right.”Cade could not believe what he was seeing. This could not be the farm Graham had purchased. The fields were over grown with weeds and small trees sprouts. It would take a lot of work to get it back in working order.“So, what you think?”Cade allowed the car to coast up the drive to the old farm house. “It’s something alright. Definitely in need of remodeling.”“You have to see it as what it could be not as it is. That’s the heart of restoration.” Graham exiting the car and waited for Cade to join him. “I plan to turn into a rescue mission for abused mothers and their children. Look at that field over there, Cade. Can’t you see the children running around playing kickball? Imagine here in the house a large family table where meals are shared. The barn will be restored to house animals of course. Some of the fields will be used to grow food. Some I plan to turn into playgrounds. Depending on the need we may use some of the land to build cabins for the residence.”“Wow.” Cade could see it now. The house freshly painted white, horses in the corral. Children laughing and playing. “Give me your keys.” Graham held out his hand to Cade as they prepared to leave.“Excuse me?”“Give me your keys.”Cade pulled his keys from his pocket and dropped them in Graham’s outstretched palm.“Get in.”Cade kept a skeptical eye on Graham as he snapped his seatbelt into place. He had the gnawing feeling that the older man was up to something.“Are you ready?” Graham grinned mischievously before shifting the gear into drive and stomping on the gas.“Whoa”, Cade hollered and grabbed hold of the hand rail attached to the side of the car. His fingernails on his left-hand dung deep into the leather console as Graham slammed the brakes and spun the car around. “Are you trying to kill us?”Down the narrow path that ran past the farmhouse to the pond, Graham pushed the car to see how fast she could really go, laughing all the way at Cade who was now white faced with horror. Without hesitating, Graham rammed the car into an open field.“What are you doing?”Cade screamed at him to stop the craziness. But, Graham did not listen. He was relentless in his excursion. Round and round they went creating donuts in the dry dirt. Between the cars tinted windows and the dust storm Graham spun up, Cade could not see anything. He knew any minute now they would slam against a tree or plunge into the pond. Either way they were going to die.The car stopped suddenly allowing Cade the opportunity to open the door just in time to keep the contents of his stomach from spilling all over him.“That was fun.”“Have you lost your mind?” The shouted question came more as a statement of Cade’s fury. “Get out of my car.”Graham exited the car as commanded leaning his arms on the car’s roof for support as he laughed in response to the younger man’s words, which in return only added to Cade’s aggravation.“What would you do if I drove your car like that?”“My car? What makes you think you will ever drive one of my cars?”Cade bore holes in Graham with his glaring eyes. “Seriously? You are not going to let me drive your car after the way you just drove mine?”“Seriously.” Graham lifted his chin up in the air at the boy and gave him a half-cocked grin. “I don’t hand over my keys that easily.”“I should leave your behind out here in the middle of nowhere.” Cade was trembling with anger. “Who do you think you are?”“I’m the man who just drove the fire out of your car.” Graham chuckled, popping Cade playfully in the back of the head as he made his way to the passenger side of the car. “Learn the lesson Cade.”“What lesson is that?”“Your car is like your life, Son, it was bought at a high price. You should be more careful who you let behind the wheel. Look what I did. I drove you hard and fast. I spun you around in circles and I got you dirty. I could have wrecked you and what could you have done about it? Not a thing. You allowed me to do it all because you freely gave me the keys.”Graham carefully stepped over Cade’s previous spewing and settled into the passenger seat again. “If you will be so kind to drive me home now.”“I should drive you to the mental hospital.” Cade mumbled the words.“I heard that.” Graham smirked back at him.
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Published on June 18, 2018 09:07

April 30, 2018

Broken into Life

Taken from Baggage and All, (Chapter 9) It’s been 18 years as far as anyone else’s count, but God and I know differently. I didn’t just wake up one morning like this. No, this life wrenching infirmity started harassing me long before it crippled me. A little pain and tenderness today, a little moodiness the day after, fighting nausea and fatigue the day before. The symptoms change with each rising and setting of the sun. Most people wake with great pleasure to see the sun coming up on the horizon. I just wish I could sleep so I could awaken to a new day. That’s become the routine of my life these days, looking at the sun cresting over the mountains only to see it set on the other side. Then watching as the moon and stars dance in harmony across the darkened sky. Day after day, this antagonizing affliction refuses to give me peace. It denies me rest, so I barely have the ability to stumble through this broken road I am trying to walk. It just keepsPestering,Plotting,Poking,Prodding,Provoking,me to succumb under the weight of its dominance. However, I am no coward. Not by any means! Therefore I fight—hard and determined not to fall prey to this infuriating illness. I will not crumble in the sand and beg for death to rob me of my chance to live. I refuse to become another number or another statistic who could not handle the pressures of life. I might not like my life, but I do choose to live it.I have to convince myself of this as the weight of the constant attack, coming from my own being takes its toll on me today. My limbs feel like fresh mud oozing through my fingers and dropping effortlessly to the ground as I try to hold it in the palm of my hand. I must get a grip or else I risk losing me. My body is shot, my mind is exhausted, and my spirit is failing fast. Searing pain runs through my muscles like the hottest inferno. My useless stomach is cramping and my throat burns from the waves of nausea it brings up. Biting and stinging sensations crawl rapidly over my skin badgering me to give in. Yet, I refuse. I must get going. I cannot stay here. The weariness of it all is causing my mind to twirl and it spins my vision till all becomes blurry. Here I go--falling haphazardly on the hard ground again.Great. Just great.Let me sit here a moment, child, I need to contemplate whether I should just break down and cry, or whether I should pull myself up from this crumbled heap of mess that I am. If I listen to the whispering in my ears, I would lay here until the buzzards carry me away piece by piece. But, I am too prideful for that. After all, what would my neighbors say about me? I certainly do not want to be known as the one who died at the hand of a thousand pecking and nagging angry birds. No, I will not let this be my destiny. I have to get up on my feet again. I must keep going, it is the going that keeps me alive.Give me a hand child. Help this worn out sack of bones off of this hard piece of earth.My swollen feet are screaming at me, demanding I stop, still onward I lurch down this dusty path looking for my fortress, my tower of strength. It is just a few more steps now. My red and irritated eyes fall on the beauty of the one place I find hope—my synagogue. Yes, after 18 plus years I do still find hope here in God’s house. No matter what others may think, this is where I gather the strength and courage to be alive.Before you get all “churchy” on me, let me get one thing straight. It is not the people that gather here with me that pushes me forward. In all actuality most of these “good” folks hold me back and do their best to bring me down to my demise. They are worse than this vexation, crippling those who would be more than just be. Only I have the upper hand. I know what they are about and why. I hear their smudge accusations of how I came to be what I am, yet they’ve never really seen me at all. Their venomous words cut deep and leave wounds that only God Himself could heal, and He did. I now look at those same critical beings as pitiful. Yes, I said it, they are pitiful. Why? They refuse to acknowledge that their hateful and judgmental attitude is a spring coming from a deeper evil within them. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some truly good people in this world, many meet with me every Sabbath at the Synagogue. I hold no ill will to those who have hurt me with their false testaments to my life. I used too, but then God changed my heart. He’s been doing that a lot lately. Sorting through the dilemma of me to teach me more of His ways and His love.It’s amazing how God used this physical crippling to show me who I really am. I’ve learned so much about my true self through this process. I’ve learned a whole lot more about my God too. I don’t think I realized just how much He really loved me, and I still can’t comprehend it, until I found myself completely unlovable. For the life of me, I will never understand how God could love me. Look at me, a crippled up old woman. I am bound not only by my physical state, but also by my emotional and spiritual state of being. The hideousness of my outward appearance had nothing on my inward person.All these years, I had believed I had to be “someone”. I had to prove myself. I had to be what everyone else expected me to be. I bought into the lies that I was who they said I was. Some named me dependable and loyal. Well, I am not because there are times I want to be anything but the one who can be counted on. I really want to be selfish and do what I want. Truth be told, I was only named that so I could be controlled and shamed into doing as they wished. I could have remained angry with them, but let’s face it we all try to control one another. That’s the hard part of breaking free. The forgiving and the admitting. I don’t like it, quite ashamed of it to be honest, but I have bullied and intimated a fair share of vulnerable people in my day. What a sad bunch of creation we have become.On the other side of me, is this girl who never felt good enough. It is taking me some time to deal with all that junk. But, God is so patient and so kind. In His special way, He taught me that I wasn’t good enough. Nothing I can do will ever make me good enough. That was the most liberating tad of knowledge I have ever grasped hold of. The glory of it all is that I don’t have to be good enough, because He is. I don’t have to be smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, whatever enough others scrutinize me for not being. He makes me enough to be loved and accepted. I guess what I am trying to say is, when all is said and done, the truth is we are all searching for the same thing…ACCEPTANCE. We are all just looking for a place we belong. A place where we feel loved and wanted.Most people never find it, because they never really find out who they are. That’s why I continue to drag my sorry mess of a being down to the synagogue. It’s not to be seen, and certainly not so any one will feel sorry for me. I spent way too many years partaking in that silliness on my own. I surely don’t want to burden anyone else with that baggage. The reason I transport this load of me down this long and narrow path is to hear more of what God has to say. His promises call me to lift my crippled body to a higher standard. His love for me calls me to see myself through His eyes. When I come into His presence and feel His favor on me, it gives me victory over this infirmity. Every word the reader reads from the precious scroll filters through these near deaf ears to a soul that is starving for more of God. That’s why I make the torturous journey every week. I need God. Even though, I have not been healed, He is still meeting my every need. The work that He has been so passionately doing inside of me, is worth the suffering I have endured all these years.Well, look at me, I have gone on and on about myself. To think I once was shy and timid, afraid of my own shadow, and now here I am rambling on and on. God has made that change in me too. I never thought I had much to talk about until my relationship with Him took on greater meaning. Now, I just want to talk about Him and what He is doing. It doesn’t matter if He is doing it with me or with someone else. I just love talking about Him. That’s another reason I drag this old feeble bowed up body down this road to the synagogue. You see, here I meet with Him in His place. Most of the time He comes to me. But, every now and then, I think God wants us to get up out of our comfortable places and make the sacrifice of coming to Him. I know I can worship Him anywhere, but there is something extra special about coming to my Father’s house. I picture Him setting the table and making sure I have all I need to be filled and satisfied. Then after I feast from His goodness we sit and chat a spell. That is the greatest gift a soul could give themselves. Don’t get much better than getting up early in the morning, going to the Father’s house, and spending the day with Him. Don’t be gullible and let the devil convince you otherwise. Child, you need God. You need to come to Him. You can’t expect something from someone when you are not willing to give back to them. That’s just plain nonsense.The sleep this insane illness has robbed me of has made my eyes irritated and blurry, but I still believe this place is the most beautiful in our little village. Just look at it, God’s house, my Father’s house. You have to see it from the heart, sweetie, or you will never capture the full beauty of it. Doesn’t matter how grand the stone or the fixtures placed all around, it’s the Spirit that makes it so fascinating.I see through these watery eyes that we have a guest speaker today. I can’t recall seeing him around these parts before. I declare I must know Him because a part of me feels compelled to fall to my wobbly knees and worship Him, and girl, I have never felt like that about any man before. There’s something about Him that bids me come closer. I know it is not proper for a woman to do such. Those who know me know there is never been anything proper about this ole gal. Maybe He will turn to face me. If I could just get a better glimpse of His face then maybe…Oh my, my sweet Lord, can it be? It is, it most certainly is, child, look at Him. I never thought… oh, how can it be that He would come here? Come to where I am. But, hasn’t He always come to me. Even at my worst, when I was so bad, He came to me through His word, and now, look at Him standing there in front of me. He’s calling me to come even closer. Old body don’t give out on me now. Do you see me? I’m walking toward my Lord. I am walking toward my God.His hand on my back is sending tingling vibrations throughout my body. There is power in His touch. There is healing in His hands. His voice carries the command of freedom to my mind and suddenly I feel the cuffs of my imprisonment fall to the ground. At His words my chains peel back as a rosebud gently unfolding her pedals. His glory is filling my soul and rushing to the tip of my tongue. My back is straightening under the tenderness of His hand. Look at my feet, they are dancing. My arms, my tired old arms, are lifting in adoration of my God.Jesus, sweet Jesus has set me free! Glory, Hallelujah, praise be to the Son of God! I can’t stop my dancing. Forever I will praise You, My Lord, My Jesus. My Savior. My Redeemer. My Deliverer.***************************Seriously. You must be kidding me. Just listen to those heathens. They are in an up roar because the Lord has visited with us this morning and interrupted their agenda. So self-righteous they can’t even see the Son of God standing before them. These poor creatures, are crippled by their own foolish traditions and regulations. Listen at them giving Him, the law-giver, a lecture on the law. But, who am I to criticize them? I practiced the same sort of vain religion myself for a while: always worried about appearances, always concerned about being good enough. Well, there’s one thing I have learned, I am not good enough. I will never be good enough. If I was good enough I wouldn’t need God. How ridiculous we must look to a Holy God, when we put more emphasis on our customs, than we do on the price of a soul. How absurd we must seem to God. We look down on His creation while trying to lift up His commandments. We’ve lost love and traded it for prejudice. If there’s one thing you learn from this old woman, let it be this…You were not put here to judge anyone. You were not put here to fix anyone. You were put here to love—to love as God loves.Anything else will find you bowed up and bound up worse than I ever was. Who cares if Sister Mary Martha’s veil is not pulled tight? She’s just trying to breath. Who cares if Brother Joseph’s sandals are worn and tattered, or that the poor widow had to come barefoot? At least they made the effort to come. Who cares if that baby is fuzzy? Praise God, his parents love him enough to introduce him to God. They are here, for crying out loud, worshipping and learning of God. Let go of the pretense, of the accusations, and of the hate. Love, child love. Love others as God loves you. Shake the chains of Satan off your back and let God set you free. These temporal things we get entrapped by are nothing more than snares set by the enemy. They have no usefulness in the reality of life. The reality that we all must be set free by God. The reality that we all need saving. Let go, my sweet child. Let go of it all and be set free. For whom the Son sets free is free indeed!Child, look at me dancing, this old gal is free! Yes, mam, I am free! I am free indeed!!
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Published on April 30, 2018 15:23

April 17, 2018

My Not-so-Good Pajama Day

It’s one of those moments that as a writer, I just start typing. I have no title to my work because I don’t know where this is going to end. All I know is the need to feel my fingers moving across the keys so that I don’t slip into despair or for that matter, deeper into insanity. (You’d have to spend some time with me to appreciate that last part.)In this moment of time I find myself in a familiar, yet undesired territory. Once again, here I lay motionless on the ground. The wind has been knocked out of me and for all that heaven holds I cannot force myself up. My earthen body cries for me to lay right here.“Lay here until someone comes to rescue you. Just give up. Just give in. It will be okay, just this once.”However, the inner presence of a Holy Spirit I cannot explain challenges me to look up. Keep trusting. Believe, child, believe. He bellows, cheering me on. (Give me a second, these tears have turned cold on my face and I need to wipe them away.)A few years ago, God began a process of teaching me to simply trust Him. Oh, yea, I know, you already do. So did I. How prideful we are. My first lesson came hard. It will forever be etched in my mind as one of the most terrifying days of my life. Looking back now I laugh at the story as it is somewhat comical…I had high hopes for this day. It was MY day. You understand, MY day. My day was going to be spent my way. Working in my yard. Fixing my flower beds, planting more flowers, you know—dirt therapy. MY day.Already you are getting the idea, that MY day was not my day, yet it was.I hurriedly fixed our breakfast—my nine-year-old’s and mine. As I laid the plates on the table, our Ziggy, our new 65 lb four-legged boy, let me know he needed to go out. So I opened the door for him and walked out on the porch and watched him run towards the narrow dirt lane that leads from our house to the cemetery just beyond the woods of our backyard.Oh, by the way, if you didn’t know already, my husband is the Pastor of our church. Our house sits between the church and the cemetery. I guess you could say we reside between the two—life and death. (chuckle) But, then again, don’t we all.Ziggy’s disappearance created a little more than panic for my daughter and myself. As I stated, Ziggy was new to our family. Our faithful, however somewhat temperamental, Buddy, had died just a few months earlier and just a few weeks after my husband’s father. So, there you see my dilemma. I had no choice but to chase after this new lovable beast of ours. I could not sit idly by and watch my daughter lose someone else.So, what does a mom do? She jumps in her husband’s tank, his Nissan Titan, pajama’s and bed head, in hot pursuit of one black canine.I find the not so adorable creature, (remember this was MY day), at the edge of our very busy highway. It is now eight-thirty in the morning. Traffic is heavy. I push the gear into park while simultaneously opening the massive door of my husband’s tank all the while hollering for Ziggy to come to me.The next thing I know I am pulling this rather large hunk of what makes up me off the ground. Ziggy oblivious to how irritated I am at this moment begins to dance and prance happily around me. Pointing towards the truck, I tell my canine child to get in, only to realize the truck is still moving.The tank is headed straight for the highway. The same busy highway, my dog was getting ready to “embark” upon. (Couldn’t resist it.) I try with all my might to climb up in the monster of a vehicle that my husband adores. Remember, I said I was a large hunk. Well, I didn’t exaggerate. Here I am one foot on the ground, one foot inside the door trying to pull myself oversized being up into the moving vehicle. Didn’t happen.I not only fell backward bouncing off the side of the truck, but my leg fell underneath the thing.“This is not good. This is not good at all”, I remember saying to myself as I felt the weight of my husband's beloved man toy rolling its back tire over my poor defenseless lower leg.I lay there flat-backed on the sand watching in horror as the tank made its way to the highway all the while praying “God, please stop it. Please God, stop that truck.” I watched as it ambled its way pass the large oak just feet in front of the busy road. Nothing was going to stop it. MY day was going to end in tragedy and there was nothing I could do to avert it.I had no control over it.At that moment I had only one hope. Only one thing that held me.My GOD.I knew somehow, someway, HE would get me through this day, regardless of what came of it.There, flat-back, dirty, tear-stained and wearing my pajama’s, God was teaching me to trust Him. To let it all fall on Him.There is so much more to the story, but let me finish it by saying this…the truck stopped on the other side of the road, with only a small scratch on the fender. The only person hurt was me. God had stopped all traffic for those few seconds it took the truck to cross the busy highway.Yesterday, I met with my new Cardiologist. In my “heart” I knew what was coming, but I was not prepared to hear him say it. And this morning, I find myself flat-backed laying on the ground from the fall. Once again, I am in my pajamas! Once again, I am tear-stained and looking upward. Everything within me cries for God to stop this. To change His plans and give me back MY day. My days of youth and my days of better health. MY days. And, sitting here, in my own silent moment, my soul beckons me once again to Trust Him. He is present, listening, working all things for your good, granting your heart’s desire. Just… “Believe, child, just believe.” I don't know what tomorrow will bring. The test that are scheduled may turn out good or they may turn out bad. This one thing I do know, He only places me where I need to be. In places where I focus on Him. Places I learn to trust Him. Places that lead to my betterment. One day soon, I will share the sequel to this blog---“My better than ever pajama day.” Until then..."Believe, child, just believe." “Delight thyself also in the LORD, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart."Psalms 37:4
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Published on April 17, 2018 05:41

March 30, 2018

The Birth of A New Day

Walking around our yard with my eleven-year-old and our faithful sidekick, an easily seventy-pound black lab we affectionately (well, on most days) call Ziggy, taking in the beauty of this gentle warm day, I am drawn back to the remembrance that this is Good Friday. The birds are singing, the moss covered limbs of our grand oaks sway effortlessly in the breeze. Everything is in order. Perfectly suited to this day, even the overcast sky gives her hint at all this day stands for. I have watched as the hours ticked slowly away on the clock. By the passing of this hour, they would have taken my Savior from the cross now and begun preparing His body for burial. The Bible and history record this day as the darkest day in all of time. Yet, for those of us who have been reborn through the gift of this day, we know that it is always darkest before dawn. We know that great things are taking place in the bleakest moments because we know God is faithful. Faithful to finish what He started many years ago in the Garden of Eden.It was there at the beginning of time His love for mankind was established. On the cross of Calvary, it was forever displayed in the sacrifice of Heaven’s Spotless Lamb.“For God so loved…”He loved with purpose. With a purpose of belonging to us, for the purpose of suiting our needs. He loved us so much He gave His Son in place of us. In order to save us from ourselves. In spite of who we are or what we have done or ever will do. In order that you and I could become the sons and daughters of God through the blood of Jesus.His love for us is more than mere words of affection, it is alive and it is demonstrative, coming to us, teaching us, leading and guiding us homeward. His death is the perfect picture of how far He was willing to go for you, for me. His burial signified how deep that loved flowed, deeper than any time or distance. Much deeper than any sin. His resurrection forever sealing our future hope of eternal life, with Him. Our Father, the One who will forever wipe away all tears from our eyes.And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow,nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:for the former things are passed away.Revelation 21:4What seemed like the darkest and ugliest day of all time, in fact, was the dawning of new life. The cross was a shadow on the horizon of the days to come. As the sunset and night spread her wings of doubt and deception, grace blossomed. Hope sprouted with the sprinkling of each drop of blood that fell to the cold hard ground. Abundant Life became a reality through the death and burial of God’s Son.So in your troubled days, when all hope seems lost. When all is gloom and despair and the sun refuses to shine on you. Remember in His time, in His way, God is at work making all things beautiful. He will not leave you there in your darkness. Any second now the rays of His love will appear on the horizon ushering in a new day. A new Son-Rise.For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words.1 Thessalonians 4:16-18Praying you have a Blessed and Happy Easter!
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Published on March 30, 2018 15:57

August 21, 2017

Interview and Giveaway

Join me at Christian Women Writers to find out more about me and my book God Has a Scrub Brush. Enter to win a signed copy.

://cwwriters.com/readers/interview-and-g...
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Published on August 21, 2017 06:25