Joe Fontenot's Blog, page 15

6 Lessons I’ve learned while being a nobody

From my mentors:

1. Make time for nobodies

Being a mentor isn’t so much about investing in the future (predicting a person’s outcome) as it is about investing in the present. People are hard to predict. Life is full of people who had it all but didn’t ‘turn out.’ Instead, the best way to size up people today is as they are, well, today.

2. Take the blame

The people I look up to always own it. Even when it’s not theirs to own. As I’ve watched this play out, issues almost always dissipate and disappear. What’s left is not a mess, but a person we all trust more.

3. Don’t complain, solve

Both complaining and solving take a lot of energy, and you can rarely do them both well. Complaining is about getting someone else to fix the problem. While solving it about you doing it yourself. The value to solving is that you are the one that benefits the most.

4. Don’t burn bridges

I wrote some about this already (here). My temptation, when upset, is to cut ties and be done with it. One of the most striking things about the mentors in my life is how few bridges they burn.

5. Patience is the greatest virtue

Ben Franklin once said, “he that can have patience can have what he wills.” Patience is a measure of focus and perseverance. As such, the successful people I know put a high value on patience (and discipline).

6. Everyone has keys

This is an issue of value. Every single person who has invested in me has done it when they shouldn’t have. When I couldn’t do anything of worth back for them. Instead, each one of them has treated me like I could. That is empowering like few other things are.

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Intimate Me

In Ephesians 6, Paul lists what he calls the ‘armor of God.’ It’s all a metaphor for how to avoid sin. He gives lots of strong verbs like “be strong,” “put on,” and “take up.”

But in a totally different letter to different people, he says something that seems almost at odds with this.

In 1 Corinthians 6, talking about sexual temptation, he says to run.

Why run?

Why not fight, like in Ephesians 6?

The answer is found in the nature of sex itself.

Sex is about intimacy. And as people we are designed to be intimate. It’s a core part of our existence. And it’s what defines our relationships with each other, and with God.

All other sins are external, Paul says. But sexual sins are against the core of who we are–against our own ability to relate as human.

 

Don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who comes from God and dwells inside of you? You do not own yourself. You have been purchased at a great price, so use your body to bring glory to God!

– Paul (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

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The balance of being a sinner

“I desire mercy, not sacrifice.”


– Jesus (Matthew 9:13)

Jesus told those who accused him of spending too much time with immoral people: you’ve gone too far.

And actually, the comment wasn’t made to Jesus. It was made to his followers. Because he was in the process of teaching his followers to do this, too.

Jesus didn’t distance himself from sin. But, at the same time, he didn’t indulge in it.

How did he do this?

He put his priority on glorifying his father.

“I have come down from heaven,” he said, “not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me” (Luke 6:38).

And so it is with us, his followers. Our priority isn’t what we can do (or not do)–our sacrifice. Instead, it’s to see how much we can become like the one who saved us.

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Laughing at the devil

For many, he’s a silly, red pitchforked cartoon. A scarecrow that the weaker ones still run from.

Some of us don’t even believe he’s real.

But the Bible gives us a different picture:

“For Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.”


– 2 Corinthians 11:14

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”


– 1 Peter 5:8

“I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”


– 2 Corinthians 2:10-11

“In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”


– Ephesians 6:16

The lesson here is that Satan is both real and relevant. He’s a serious enemy.

The good news: God is bigger, and better.

But our protection is from God. Not from ourselves.

And there’s a certain level of respect that should go with that.

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It’s okay to move on

“Do not throw your pearls to pigs”

– Jesus (Matthew 7:6)

Not everything works out. Not everyone accepts.

Jesus, our model for how to live, tells us when that happens…it’s okay to move on.

There is, after all, a lot more to do.

“The harvest is plentiful,” he says, “but the laborers are few” (Luke 10:2).

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How does a person find faith?

Yesterday’s post was about two different kinds of faith. The first was real, but shallow. The second was deeper. And it was the second kind that Jesus praised.

The real question is, how do you get the second kind?

Conveniently…there are three step:

1. Pick a side. This is about commitment. It’s the “intellectual faith” from yesterday’s post. It’s not bad, per se. It’s just not complete by itself.

2. Take a risk. This is about intensity. There’s no point in picking a side if you never leave the sidelines. You need to get to a point where what you will lose something valuable if you are wrong. Sometimes life throws this at us without our consent. Other times we’re given the chance to make the decision.

3. Repeat. This is about teaching our brain what to believe. The more we do something, the more commonplace it becomes (I explore this more in my book, Life Hacking Spiritual Disciplines)

The candor: none of this is easy.

The first is hard. The second is scary. And the third takes discipline.

But Jesus said, “Narrow [is] the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” (Matthew 7:14).

This is the only path that’s worth it.

P.S.


You can do this with or without a community. But it’s a whole lot harder without. When you surround yourself with others–people who are already doing this–encouragement and accountability just seem to find you.

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Two kinds of faith

“You of little faith”


– Jesus (Matthew 8:26)

The time, out on the lake, when Jesus stopped the boat from sinking, he turns to his disciples: “you of little faith.”

What’s interesting about this story is that these are professionals, in danger in their own profession, and yet they still turn to Jesus.

So why didn’t Jesus praise them for their faith?

Because there are two kinds of faith. And one is better than the other.

The first kind is knowledge. Intellectually, they knew the right answer. They’d seen Jesus do miracles. It was a logical conclusion to ask for more.

The second kind is emotional. It’s about assurance–about knowing–even when knowledge isn’t present.

Jesus, in his statement, was referring to the second.

When you look around, you’ll see that most people who claim Jesus are claiming the first kind of faith.

It’s easy to tabulate. And to justify. It’s low risk.

But it’s not life-changing.

Instead, it’s the second kind of faith that actually makes a difference. That’s the kind the centurion had, which is why his reaction was so different.

“When Jesus heard this, he was amazed…he said, ‘I tell you, I haven’t seen faith like this in all Israel!’” (Luke 7:9)

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How to be a contrarian

How to be a contrarian?

Answer: Give grace, accept grace, and believe it is the best thing for everyone you meet.

***

Meritocracy is the standard of our world: You get out what you put in.

When the first church “turned the world upside down” (Acts 17:6), it wasn’t because they were causing trouble.

It was because they were undoing the established meritocracy. They were spreading the gospel. They were telling everyone: there is someone who wants to pay for you.

***

“Gospel” and “grace” are in just about every sermon. They are common words. But their implication isn’t.

When you show others grace, there is a backlash. It changes the expectation. Judgment is no longer passable. The hammer is no longer justified.

Most people don’t like that.

But then again, Jesus said, most people won’t choose this way.

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Why I make time for biographies

Biographies are usually long.

And they almost never solve short-term problems (like, “how to fix…” books do).

Instead, they show us how another person thinks.

Every single life is different. The variable, opportunities, relationships. They’re never consistent. But learning how to think transcends all of that.

Biographies help us get a handle on our own worldview by trying out someone else’s. Even ones we don’t like.

Here are a few good ones to start:

William Carey by S Pearce Carey. How entrepreneurship, grit, and ministry intersect.


Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. Jobs wasn’t a good person. But there’s so much to learn here.


If a Pirate I Must Be… by Richard Sanders. It’s about being a pirate as a career.


Neither Here Nor There by Bill Bryson. Most chapters make me laugh out loud.


Confessions of a Master Jewel Thief by Bill Mason. If you enjoy how people think.


Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas. Comparing ideals to real life.

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These are not the finest things

When I was young(er), I remembering thinking about how nice it would be to share coffee, early in the morning, with my wife, whoever she’d be.

When I thought of the good life, I thought of little things like that.

Basically… I thought of a Pottery Barn commercial.

Today, in real life, my wife doesn’t even like the smell of coffee.

And, for her, mornings are a result of the fall.

So when I get up, early in the morning, before the kids, and drink my coffee or tea, it’s just me. Alone.

But that’s okay.

Because what I learned is that Pottery Barn commercials are completely ridiculous.

There are things that make for a good life, but it’s never stuff like that.

Here’s how I learned to tell the difference: I compare my life with it to my life without it. When I feel the same in both cases, I know it’s not something that matters.

When something has to go, it’s really good to know which to pick.

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