Felicia Denise's Blog, page 87
February 3, 2017
Quotable – Alice Walker
Image from NNDB.com
Alice Walker
(African-American author, poet, and activist)
“Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn’t matter. I’m not sure a bad person can write a good book.”
“If art doesn’t make us better, then what on earth is it for?”
February 2, 2017
“In the Best Interest of the Child” #Excerpt
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In this short excerpt from In the Best Interest of the Child, Olivia Chandler is meeting Bruce Bellamy for lunch. There is a definite attraction between the two, but both are holding back – though Bruce…not as much! Enjoy!
Having arrived fifteen minutes early, Olivia took a few minutes to visit the ladies’ room to check her hair and makeup, and wash her hands. She was glad no one else was around because every time she glanced at her reflection in the mirror, she couldn’t stop herself from grinning. “Get a hold of yourself, Olivia Louise! It’s just lunch with a man. You’ve done this more times than you can count.” Exhaling slowly, Olivia hung her head. Yes, lunch with a man who seems to like me. Lunch with a man I actually like even though I just met him. Olivia groaned and leaned against the sink. She should never have agreed to this. Bruce seemed like a decent man. He didn’t need to be getting involved in the dark pit which was her life. But even if she walked out the restaurant right now, Bruce would not disappear. Courtney and Marissa were his
Olivia groaned and leaned against the sink. She should never have agreed to this. Bruce seemed like a decent man. He didn’t need to be getting involved in the dark pit which was her life. But even if she walked out the restaurant right now, Bruce would not disappear. Courtney and Marissa were his family, and he was very much involved in Rena’s life. The silly grin returned to her face. Honestly, she didn’t want him to disappear. They may never do more than have lunch, but Olivia wanted it badly. She wanted to be normal and have a life without her past hanging over her like the Sword of Damocles. Steadying herself with a couple of deep breaths, Olivia decided to stop hiding in the ladies’ room and talking to herself like a crazy person. She grabbed her handbag and went in search of her lunch date.
As Olivia approached the hostess stand, the young woman working there smiled. “Good afternoon, I’m Connie.” Olivia returned her smile and gave her Bruce’s name. “Yes, Ma’am. He’s already here.” Laughing, Olivia shook her head slowly.
“That man. Of course, he is.” The hostess smiled but looked confused, not understanding the joke. Olivia waved her hand. “It’s nothing. Lead the way.”
Olivia tried to spot Bruce as they approached the main dining room, but was caught off guard when the young hostess turned right and proceeded down a short hallway. No stranger to the Black Dragon, Olivia knew there were formal banquet rooms in the opposite direction, but she’d never been down this hallway. The hostess stopped in front of a small elevator. “I never realized the restaurant had an elevator. I thought it was a single story building.” Connie nodded.
“You’re right, it is.”
“Then where does this lead? You have a basement?” Covering her mouth to hide her giggles, Connie nodded.
“We do, but trust me, you do not want to go down there. This elevator goes up to the mezzanine.” The elevator doors opened as she finished speaking, and both women stepped inside.
“Well, I didn’t know you had one of those either!”
“Few people do. The owners don’t advertise it much. It’s usually for special guests or customers who request a more…intimate setting.” Olivia’s eyes quickly widened. Connie gave her a knowing grin.
Intimate setting? She had no time to process the hostess’ comment. The doors opened. Connie took a step outside the elevator and motioned to the left.
“Your date is right over there.”
“Date? But this isn’t a da-…” Connie quickly stepped back into the elevator, leaving Olivia with a wink as the doors closed.
“What am I going to do with this man?” She only had to take three steps before she spotted Bruce. Olivia froze as her mouth gaped open. Rising from the table, Bruce walked towards her. Olivia still had not moved, too in shock at his appearance. Gone were the weather-beaten jeans and worn Henley shirt. The thick heavy work boots? Gone too. The Bruce Bellamy standing before her was elegantly attired in a charcoal gray, two-piece Brooks Brothers suit and gray Sardegna Loafers. And he’d had a haircut. He leaned in and kissed her cheek.
“Good to see you again, Olivia.” He glanced at his watch. “And right on time. Why am I not surprised?”
Olivia still stared at him, wide-eyed.
Bruce frowned. “Olivia? Is something wrong?”
Taking a deep breath, she finally found her voice.
“Who are you? And what’s all”, she motioned up and down his body, “…this?” His big boyish grin returned as he took her hand and led her to their table.
“I’m a successful businessman having lunch with a gorgeous, successful attorney in one of the city’s finer restaurants. I couldn’t very well show up in jeans and boots, could I?”
“Well, no…but- “
“And besides, I had to show you I could dress myself and behave appropriately in public.”
Olivia threw her hands up, laughing.
“There you are, Bruce! How nice to see you again!” Filling their wine glasses, Bruce stopped mid-pour to keep from spilling it the laughter hit him so hard.
Laughing along with him, Olivia visibly relaxed and placed her hand on his arm.
“And just so we’re clear, Mr. Bellamy, I like you in jeans and work boots too.” The smile he gave her nearly took her breath away. Suddenly self-conscious, Olivia placed her hands in her lap.
Bruce didn’t miss the gesture but continued pouring the wine while changing the subject.
“Would you like to look at the menu, or do you already know what you want?
“No menu needed! I definitely know what I’m having!”
He chuckled as he handed her a glass of wine, then signaled for the waiter.
“I had a feeling.”
Olivia smirked.
“Think you have me figured out already, Bellamy?”
“Not even close, beautiful one. But I do look forward to the adventure.”
She grinned at the compliment and the comment.
“Oooo! I’m an adventure!”
Bruce couldn’t help but stare at her face. The way her eyes sparkled, the genuineness of her smile. She was the same woman he met in his cousin’s driveway, but there was no sign of the sadness he saw in her eyes that day. He had long ago made peace with his own issues of abandonment, but this woman was the first woman to actually make him want to risk his heart again. Bruce was getting lost in Olivia Chandler, and he had no problem with that. His cheeks reddened as heat rose into his face when he realized the waiter and Olivia were staring at him. “I’m sorry. What?
“Where did you go, Bellamy? Are you ready to order?”
He nodded.
“Of course, but ladies first.” Olivia clasped her hands together excitedly.
“I’d like Yum Nuah salad, Tom Yung Kung with shrimp, and with steamed rice, and Pad Thai with chicken…extra spicy, please.” Bruce’s eye widened. Olivia frowned. “Is that too much?”
“Not at all. It just sounds like my usual meal here. But my brother goes on and on about me not trying new dishes, so I promised to try a different entrée on my next visit.” He turned to the waiter. “I’ll have the same as the lady, but instead of Pad Thai, I’ll have Phad See-ew with beef.”
After the waiter left, Bruce folded his arms and leaned towards Olivia. “So…how long have you been into Thai food? The dish names usually confound most people, but you seem to have memorized the menu.”
Olivia laughed while shaking her head.
“Only my favorite dishes. And like you, it wouldn’t hurt me to try something new.” She folded her arms on the table and leaned in his direction. “I first had Thai food during my intern days. This place wasn’t open yet, but Siriwat’s was around the corner from the courthouse.”
“And your boss always had lunch delivered to keep you working, right?”
Olivia shook her head. “It was more the boss’ wife dropping in and reprimanding him for working me so hard, and dragging me out of the office to Siriwat’s. After one visit, I was hooked.”
“Wow! The boss’ WIFE? Sounds like you made an impression.”
“Miss Dee is good people. She and Judge Dennison have always been kind to me. He’s actually the judge who assigned Rena’s case to me.”
Bruce whistled.
“He must be really confident in your abilities. I knew you were a legal shark!”
“I am not a shark! The judge just taught me to pay attention to the details, and what is not said. I’ve never forgotten that, and it’s always seen me through, especially with the difficult cases. What about you? When did your love affair with Thai food begin?”
He refilled their wine glasses, while Olivia wondered when she’d emptied her glass.
Slow down, Chandler.
“That is yet another story in my life which involves Court.”
She smiled remembering their antics.
“You two are really close, aren’t you?”
“As brothers. He seemed to be at my side during all the important moments of my life. Including my introduction to Thai food.” They shared a chuckle. “It wasn’t too long after Joanna, my ex-wife had left. Mom and dad had taken the kids for the weekend. I’d planned to use the time working on cars, but Court shows up, says he’s hungry and orders me to get in his truck.” Olivia grinned.
“HE ordered YOU?”
“Never underestimate Courtney Bellamy. He may not be a big man, but he’s all muscle and heart. He’s dropped me on my ass more than a couple of times.” She laughed aloud and he scowled. “You laugh so easily at my pain.”
This made her laugh even harder. Olivia buried her face in her hands, embarrassed as Bruce continue to stare at her.
“I’m so sorry, Bruce. I don– “
“Don’t ever apologize for laughing, Olivia.” He reached over and pulled her hands from her face.
Olivia placed one on the table, but Bruce had not released the other. She didn’t pull away.
“Or for enjoying yourself. Makes me feel good to know you’re comfortable with me.”
Still holding his gaze, Olivia slowly flipped her hand over until they were palm to palm, and squeezed.
“I’m very comfortable with you, Bruce, and yes, I am enjoying myself.”
Bruce froze. The squeeze of her hand and the sexy timbre of her voice had gone straight to his crotch. She was flirting with him and he loved it! Bruce assumed from her demeanor, Olivia would be a tad more skittish. Perhaps she truly was comfortable with him…maybe even liked him a little. He deftly adjusted himself under the table.
“But you didn’t finish telling your story about you, Courtney and Thai food.”
“Oh yeah. Well, he gets me in his truck and we drive over to Blaine. I think we’re headed to Mike’s Dugout for meatloaf and mashed potatoes, right? He pulls up to this tiny little building near downtown. I have no idea where we are because the name is not written in English. I ask tons of questions before we even get out of the truck, and Court just said, “Trust me.” I follow him inside like a big goof, and the aromas hit me in the face. It smelled like every food dream I’d ever had.”
Olivia’s brows furrowed. “Food dream?”
“Yes, food dream. Women are not the only thing men dream about.”
“Good to know.” She smirked.
He pulled a face at her and continued. “Court had only been there a couple of times himself. Of course, introduced to it by the Mighty Marissa, so we asked the owner to bring us an order of whatever it was we smelled, and keep it coming.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. I’m sure I had at least three orders of Pad Thai and Tempura vegetables.”
“What appetites!”
“The food was great, but it wasn’t just that. It was the first time I’d allowed myself to admit how I felt about Joanna walking out on the kids and me. The family knew I was hurt and upset, but Olivia, I was pissed off…and it felt good to say it. Even if she didn’t want to be with me, what kind of woman walks away from her children? Breck wasn’t even six months old! And she just…leaves.”
Olivia tightened her grip on his hand. She understood all too well how it felt to be abandoned. But she couldn’t share that with him…could she? He made it look so easy to admit his feelings. He was open and honest. No. She couldn’t tell him her story. He’d see how thoroughly damaged she really was and walk away. Olivia knew she couldn’t have Bruce in her life forever, but she greedily wanted whatever time with him she could get. Just the chance to feel normal for a little while was better than not at all.
Bruce appeared lost in his thoughts too when she spoke. “It must be wonderful for you and Courtney to have each other to lean on. And you mentioned a brother?”
He cleared his throat.
“Actually…I have–“ Bruce was interrupted when the waiter appeared with a huge tray of hot food, followed by a co-worker with still more food. Olivia gasped.
“Bruce! What did we order?”
“Oh no, no, no! Not ‘We’…YOU. I was just following your lead, Counselor.” Glancing at the food-covered trays, he added, “And I hope you have more than a thirty-minute lunch hour.”
“That’s your defense? Blame me?”
“Only if it’s working.” One of the waiters turned away and covered his mouth to keep from laughing. “Olivia, you’re disturbing these gentlemen while they’re trying to work.”
Her mouth flew open. Then, she didn’t even try to stop the laughter bubbling forth. Neither did the waiters.
The couple chatted amiably as they devoured the hot and spicy food. Bruce loved that Olivia wasn’t one of those women who wouldn’t eat in front of a man, choosing to munch on lettuce and sip water instead.
Olivia couldn’t remember a time when she’d had more fun, and was so relaxed. Bruce was easy to talk to and attentive. She reveled in his admiring glances, so different from the leering, lecherous looks she learned to ignore around the courthouse. He told her about building up his business until he had the current dozen auto shops – and plans to open two more – and Olivia suggested new advertising ideas to him because the guy doing his commercials always looked sleepy. Learning the guy was actually a supervisor at one of Bruce’s shops, and that he had taken acting lessons at the local college especially for the commercials, caused Olivia to nearly choke on her food.
“You okay?” Bruce stood behind her, patting her back and trying not to laugh.
“I’m glad…you…find…this amusing, Bellamy,” Olivia sputtered, the coughing only made worse by her laughter.
“Here, try this.” Sliding his large hands under her upper arms, Bruce raised them straight up into the air. Within seconds, her coughing stopped. Leaning her head backward, Olivia looked up at him, frowning.
“Where did you learn that, and why did it work?”
Bruce was momentarily speechless. Staring down into her eyes as she leaned back against him tested all his resolve. He knew Olivia was special. When he dared consider his future, he saw her by his side. Bruce didn’t know how or why, and he wasn’t about to second-guess himself. He hadn’t wanted to spend more than a few hours with any one woman since Joanna left. He’d known Olivia Chandler less than a week, and he couldn’t get enough of her. Bruce hadn’t even had the pleasure of kissing Olivia, but he would wait for that too. He would do what it took to make the vision of his future a reality, but it would never happen if he followed his carnal mind in this moment. Bruce quietly exhaled, grateful for the chair separating his hardening erection from Olivia’s back.
“Just something you pick up during the journey of raising kids.” He slowly lowered her arms, then side stepped behind Olivia to adjust himself. Clearing his throat, Bruce returned to his seat, sitting down extremely slowly. “You know kids…little scamps. They can turn a quiet movie night into a high-speed car ride to the emergency room in a heartbeat. Happened to me more times than I care to remember. And boys are the worst. I took Casey, my daughter, to the ER one time in eighteen years, when she had the flu and spiked a high fever. But those boys?” He shook his head. “Science experiments gone wrong, superhero stunts, bike races…no matter what they were into, an accident could…and usually did happen.”
Olivia didn’t miss the faint smile playing on his lips.
“I’m glad everyone was okay…eventually. But, you look as though you enjoyed it.”
Bruce grinned. “Every last second!”
“Sounds like they are lucky to have a dad like you.”
“No, I’m blessed to have them. My life may not have gone the way I intended, but my children saved me. Without them, I would have been just some loser guy spending way too many evenings sitting in a bar. Having them made me see what was truly important.”
Olivia nodded slowly.
“Yes, they are definitely lucky to have a dad like you.” The slight tilt to Bruce’s head let her know he didn’t understand. “I have no problems believing you would do anything for your children.” She glanced away unable to hold his gaze. “There are far too many people on this planet having children and then treating them as an afterthought, or even a burden. Some even believe their young children owe THEM something.”
“I didn’t miss the fact you did not refer to these people as parents.”
“No. Bringing life into the world does not make one a parent.”
“I guess you see a lot of ugliness in your line of work.”
Olivia was still looking away, focused on a spot in her mind she couldn’t clearly see when she heard him.
“Excuse me, what?”
Looking concerned, Bruce grazed his fingers across the back of her hand.
“Where did you go?”
Embarrassed, Olivia tried to slide her hand away from his, but Bruce gently, but firmly caught her hand and held on.
“I meant what I said the other day, Olivia. I’m a good listener. Anytime you want to talk, I’m available. No sermons, no judgments, not even any advice. I’ll just listen.” He watched her slowly raise her head to look at him, and squeezed her hand as the pain he saw hit him like a punch in the gut. What haunted this beautiful, intelligent woman? She was engaging, witty and funny. She spoke with purpose and authority. But, something triggered a memory. An event? A person? Bruce wasn’t sure, but whatever it was caused Olivia’s walls to rise swift and high.
“Thank you, Bruce, I just may take you up on that.” He smiled as he felt Olivia squeeze his hand in return. It gave him hope.
“I hope you do, Olivia. I’ll take any opportunity I can get to look into those beautiful eyes of yours.” Before Olivia could respond, Bruce raised her hand to his lips while his eyes were still lost in hers, and kissed it gently. He didn’t miss the slight tremble in her hand nor her barely audible gasp. He was not in this alone. Olivia was affected too. Neither spoke for several seconds, both of their minds…and pulses racing. Olivia leaned towards Bruce about to speak when the Imperial Death March from The Empire Strikes Back began to play. Bruce’s eyes widened, then he smirked. Olivia had already buried her face in her free hand, totally embarrassed.
“Guess you’re a really big Star Wars fan, huh Olivia?”
Raising her head, Olivia tried to avoid glancing in Bruce directions as she slipped her hand down into her bag to retrieve the offending cell phone.
He leaned in trying to glance at the screen. “Who merits such an ominous ringtone?”
Olivia’s lips twitched as she tried to decipher the text. She figured it out on the third try and her mouth fell open.
“I’m going to kill her!”
Bruce watched Olivia, amused and curious. She finally met his gaze, smiling sheepishly.
“My office manager, Margot. She can be a bit of a…pain.”
Frowning, Bruce asked, “Has she fouled up a case or upset a client?”
“Oh, no. Nothing like that. Margot’s a jewel. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
“And yet, you want to kill her? What am I missing?” He leaned in again, still trying to see the cell screen.
“As an executive assistant and office manager, she’s the best. As a friend, Margot can be over-the-top pushy.”
Recognition dawned in his eyes.
“Was that text about me?”
Olivia dragged her hand over her face. “Just kill me now.”
Bruce pumped his fist in the air.
“I’m trending with the women!”
Olivia roared with laughter. “There’s only two of us, Bellamy. I hardly call that trending.”
What readers are saying…
“I can’t wait to read the next installment, and I highly recommend this book to everyone. I don’t care what your preferred genre is, read it.”
“I wanted to read the whole book in one sitting but had to pace myself because I wanted to savor the wonderful words that Felicia has written.”
“LOVED IT!! In The Best Interest of the Child by Felicia Denise is a powerhouse novel, overflowing with emotion and real life messages that quite frankly NEED to be said...My heart strings were pulled from cover to cover!”
“Fantastic debut for Felicia Denise. Incredible character study.”
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February 1, 2017
January 31, 2017
Valentine’s Day Book Sale and Giveaway! #Sale
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January 29, 2017
“Free, A Novella Part VIII”
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“Free, A Novella”
by Felicia Denise
Part VIII
Slowly making her way down the hall, Lennie suddenly was exhausted. Her memories had not only overwhelmed her but reliving them in this house…alone, as she was trying to break from her past consumed her energy.
Glancing into the small sitting room as she walked past, Lennie shook her head thinking of the hundreds of Christmas and birthday gifts this room had stored over the years. She stopped abruptly and looked back at the sitting room door. A sense of nostalgia washed over Lennie and brought something to mind she rarely had – a good memory of Ranard. A small grin graced her face as she reflected on their first Christmas in this house. A frustrated Ranard Porter had already injured himself several times attempting to assemble a tyke bike for little Duncan.
After putting the boys to bed, Lennie, armed with hot cocoa and snacks, joined Ranard. Handing him his cup, Lennie grabbed hers and sat beside him on the floor.
“You know you’re over-complicating this, right?”
Shaking his head vigorously, Ranard disagreed. “Not possible. I didn’t create this nightmare. Who uses seven different types of screws for a toddler bike? This is insane!”
“I’ll swap with you.” She took the instructions from him and handed him the snack tray.
Lennie’s eyes widened as she looked over the paper. “Wow. There are a lot of screws, aren’t there?”
Munching on a turkey wrap, Ranard simply nodded.
Looking over the top of the paper, Lennie noticed the jumbled pile of hardware. “And you dumped them all into one big pile, didn’t you?”
“I didn’t know a Master’s Degree in physics was required to put together a child’s toy, Lenore.”
Covering her mouth with her hand, Lennie tried to hide her smirk…and failed. “Finish your snack. Then we’ll start at square one…again.”
Ranard reached for a handful of sugared almonds while his wife sorted the screws into seven piles. They both sat back and chatted quietly, enjoying the childless silence. After draining their cups, they approached their task as a team.
Less than an hour later, a shiny, red tyke bike sat between them. The floor was empty – with no leftover screws.
“I almost ruined Christmas, but my wife saved the day. If this gets out, I’ll lose my man-card for sure!”
Giggling, Lennie reached out and caressed his cheek. You were not going to ruin Christmas and I did not save the day. It just took a little more patience.” She glanced at the bike. “And there were a lot of screws!”
Taking her hand from his cheek, Ranard held it in both of his, then kissed it. “And you’re always so patient with me.”
“Only because I love you.”
***
But her love had not been enough, and Lennie’s patience had run out.
Lennie had stopped mourning the end of her marriage long ago…if she ever truly had.
Her heels clicked against the marble tiles. Approaching the living room from the west side, she had traversed nearly the entire first floor. Looking at her watch, Lennie was shocked to see she’d been in the house for over three hours. So much for the “ten-minute walk through” she promised the realtor she would do before leaving town.
Taking a seat on one of the steps leading down into the living room, Lenore Porter buried her face in her hands. She’d had a good life here. She’d made mistakes…the wrong choices, but wasn’t that part of life? Although there had been several intense situations, they were nothing she didn’t rebound from, right? There were no serious and lasting repercussions, right?
A mirthless chuckle escaped her lips.
Yeah, right, Lenore. Keep fooling yourself.
Her marriage had been a train wreck. Her ex-husband had turned against them, and their son had tried to kill his own father.
Not exactly G-rated stuff.
Lennie and Ranard made bad choices and their sons paid the price, losing their family. When she tried to fix her mistake, Ranard’s bad choices almost cost him his life…and their son’s life. Lennie’s fix for that situation led her down yet another rocky path.
Duncan seemed to return to his old self after Lennie filed her divorce papers. Noise and chaos once again ruled the Porter household. But when the district marking period ended and Lennie received the boys’ report cards, her heart sunk. Every one of Duncan’s grades had fallen, and comments like “Incomplete projects”, “Assignments not turned in”, and “No class participation” accompanied every subject.
Lenore Porter became angry. She was angry with herself for not following through and missing any signs that Duncan was not okay. She was angry with the school for not contacting her as Duncan’s grade fell. Six teachers. SIX TEACHERS, and not one had sent an email or picked up a phone.
But Lennie was not angry with her son. Despite his size and demeanor, Duncan Porter was still a child. He was still dependent on adults for leadership. He was still dependent on adults for guidance or solutions to problems. She was his mother, and he was still dependent on her. And Lennie felt she had let him down. Duncan was holding in painful emotions he should never have had to deal with. If his grades were so negatively impacted without her sensing anything was wrong, what else had she missed?
After a quick call to Bea, her staff team manager, Lennie rushed out her front door, walking the short block to her destination.
Doug Henry was a psychiatrist who specialized in mental health issues in men. Though he usually consulted with veterans’ and first responder support groups, He did take on the occasional private patient and worked from home. His four children were close in age to Lennie’s boys leading them to work on many school projects and sporting events together over the years.
Anxiously ringing the doorbell, Lennie tried to steady herself.
Kay Henry opened the door wearing a warm, welcoming smile. One look at Lenore Porter, though, and her smile faded. Kay grabbed her neighbor’s arm and quickly pulled her inside.
“What’s wrong?”
Lennie opened her mouth to respond, but froze. How much should she tell her friends? Should she tell them about Ranard showing up after Duncan’s birthday party? The fight? Duncan’s depression? Deciding to tell them only about the divorce for now, Lennie opened her mouth to speak, but could only utter one word. “Duncan.”
Without taking her eyes on Lennie, Kay Henry took a couple of steps backward and called out to her husband.
“Doug! Lennie’s here…something’s wrong! Doug!”
Only second later, Doug Henry rushed into the foyer. “I heard you the first time, honey. What’s all the yelling for and wha-” He stopped mid-sentence seeing a troubled Lennie Porter fidgeting near his front door.
“Lennie, what’s wrong? What happened?”
Near tears, Lennie could still only utter one word. “Duncan.” Shrugging slightly, her arms fell limply at her sides.
With a quick nod to his wife, Doug slowly approached Lennie, gently taking her by the arm. “C’mon, Lennie. Let’s go to my office.
Without a word, Lenore Porter allowed the psychiatrist to lead her down the short hallway to his office. Just as he seated her on an overstuffed love seat, Kay came through the office door with a tray of coffee. Setting the tray on the coffee table in front of Lennie, Kay turned to leave when Lennie spoke.
“Please…stay.” She glanced at Doug. “Can she stay? I’d like a mother’s input on this.”
“Of course, she can, Lennie.” Before Doug could go any further, Kay Henry was already seated next to Lennie, pouring her a cup of coffee.
“You like it sweet, right Lennie?”
“Yes. Thank you for remembering, Kay.” Lennie accepted the coffee mug with both hands. Holding the mug close to her face, she didn’t sip from it, but instead simply stared into its dark, steamy depths.
Doug allowed a few minutes of silence to pass before pulling his neighbor out of her reverie.
“What’s going on with you, Lennie?”
Lennie didn’t take her eyes from the mug as she spoke.
“A few weeks ago, Ranard showed up unannounced. We had a horrible, ugly argument. So ugly, in fact, I called my attorney the next morning to start the proceedings to change our legal separation…to a divorce.”
A barely audible gasp escaped from Kay’s lips.
Lennie regarded her kindly. “It’s all right, Kay. Removing Ranard from our lives was the best thing for us. I should have done it long ago. I thought by having a legal separation, the boys would still have an opportunity to build a positive relationship with their father…without the stigma of divorce. I was wrong.” She turned to Doug. “The argument affected us all, but I think I got off the easiest because I had already closed that chapter of my life. If we had no children, I would have divorced him from the start.
But the boys…they each dealt with it in their own way. Myron was angry and RJ was fearful. After a few days…as the argument slipped into the past, those two seemed to settle down and move past it. But not Duncan. He was so intense and full of rage, guilt…and I think a bit of self-loathing…he couldn’t even look his brothers or me in the face.”
“Lennie, wait.” Doug sat his mug on the table. “Rage is understandable, but why would Duncan feel guilt…and self-loathing? Did something else happen?”
Sitting her own cup on the coffee table, Lenore scrubbed her hands, then folded them in her lap. “The argument was between Ranard and me…but it was…physical between him and the boys.”
“Son of a bitch!” Doug leapt to his feet, his face hard-set in anger. “The bastard walks awa-”
“Honey!” The pleading look in Kay’s eyes and slight head tilt in Lennie’s direction caused the psychiatrist’s face to redden.
“I-I am so sorry, Lennie. It’s just…just…”. Defeated, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m sorry, Lennie. That was unprofess-”
“I didn’t come here just because you’re a psychiatrist, Doug, but also a friend – someone I trust. You have nothing to apologize for. I was angry too.” Taking a deep breath, Lennie continued.
“Ranard and I argued…and Myron and Duncan were right there. Things were getting heated when RJ appeared. It was all upsetting to him, naturally, so I took him back to his room. When I…came back…Myron was sitting on the floor…motionless…watching Duncan…watching Duncan…”
“It’s okay, Lennie.” Kay patted her arm lightly.
Tears fell from her eyes as she looked first at Kay, then Doug. “Duncan had his father in a…chokehold.”
Husband and wife stared at each other…their expressions incredulous.
“I tried everything I could to get Duncan to release his father…but he was just too strong. I screamed at him, pleaded with him…but in the end, it was RJ-”
“RJ? But I thought you took-”
“I did take him to his room, but he heard my screams and came back. I’m grateful he did. His screaming out his brother’s name was the only thing that saved Ranard’s life that night.”
Kay rose and grabbed a box of tissues from the bookshelf. She held the box out to Lennie, then took a couple for herself. Still standing, Doug leaned against his desk.
“Do you know what happened after you left the room?”
Lenore shook her head. “I didn’t at first. But after releasing his father, Duncan ran to RJ. That’s when I turned and took a good look at Myron. His lip was split and an eye was swelling. Wasn’t hard to figure out Duncan was defending his brother.”
Doug Henry absently shook his head, swearing under his breath. “I’d like to choke him myself.”
“Doug!” Kay Henry stopped wiping her eyes to glare at her husband. “You’re not helping things.”
“I know, honey…I know. I’m sorry, Lennie…again. It’s just for most of the years we’ve known each other, it’s always been you carpooling, and you volunteering at the games, and you hosting the family potlucks. Ranard’s never done a damn thing. And when you finally do what you have to do for peace of mind, he shows up years later out of the blue, and gets violent with your children. No real parent does that. No real father who loves his children does that. I’d give anything to be able to knock him on his ass right now.”
“Douglas!”
“Nope, not sorry this time, Kay. A man who will put his hands on his child to inflict harm or injury deserves the same treatment!” He walked over and retook his seat. “What do you need from me, Lennie? Do you want me to talk to Duncan?” Kill Ranard?”
Kay smirked, nodding in approval this time, and Lennie couldn’t help but grin.
“No, Doug. I think someone from outside of our lives would work better. For whatever reason, Duncan is wearing masks around his family and friends, but those same masks didn’t save his grades. Every single one fell.”
“Damn! This just won’t do! What do you need, Lennie…a referral?”
“Yes…please, Doug? I don’t want to waste time hunting down and researching therapists, trying to find one who’s a good fit. I need to get Duncan in to see someone who can help from the first visit. Is that possible?”
“Any other time, I’d say no, Lennie. Counseling can be a very tricky tool to use properly. Patients who have spent months…even years with psychiatrists or therapists with no measurable progress switch to someone new for whatever reason…and seem to be greatly improved after one visit. That means they were paired with the wrong person from the beginning, and either the counselor…or the patient refused to speak up.”
“Wow. I know the relationship is important, but I never realized it could be detrimental.”
“Unfortunately, yes. But I got this. I know Duncan and know he’s an exceptional kid. I have just the person in mind.” He stood and went to his desk. “Would you ladies give me a few moments to make a couple of phone calls?”
“Of course, honey. C’mon, Lennie. My cinnamon rolls aren’t works of art like yours but come let me know how I measure up.”
With a grateful look at Doug, Lennie Porter followed Kay from the room. “Oh, stop it, Kay. I’ll bet they’re amazing.”
“Lennie?”
She turned hearing Doug call her name. “Yes?”
“How soon do you want an appointment?”
“Yesterday.”
They both smiled.
“Today, tomorrow…just tell me when, Doug, and I’ll get him there.”
“Done.”
***
Less than an hour later, Lennie was on her way to the high school. Doug had referred Duncan to James Richie, a licensed clinical psychologist with one of the highest success rates in the city for counseling teens and young adults. Also a retired pastor, Doug assured her that James Richie wasn’t one of those who used scripture to shame or mock. Like Doug, James also preferred counseling males. Admitting to mental issues was a usual roadblock for most men and boys, and could jeopardize their therapy and recovery. The stigma was a focus of both Doug and James in their therapies.
While signing Duncan out of school, Lennie decided to save the issue of his falling grades and her not being notified sooner for another day. Getting her son the help he needed was her priority.
Lennie stood at the exit near the parking lot only a few minutes before Duncan walked down the hallway.
“Mom? What’s going on? What are you doing here? They said you signed me out for the rest of the day.”
Lennie had to stretch up on her tiptoes to kiss her growing son’s cheek. “Whoa! Slow down, kid. One question at a time.” She smiled and linked her arm in his and started towards the door.
“Mom?”
“Let’s get outside first, sweetie.”
Duncan held the door for his mother, then followed her down the ramp to the parking lot. As they approached her SUV, Duncan stopped.
“Mom? I’m starting to freak out a little here. What’s going on? Are Myron and RJ okay?”
She turned and faced him. “Your brothers are fine, Duncan. This is about you.”
The oldest Porter son frowned, confused. “Me? What about me?”
“Your report card came this morning.”
Duncan’s entire body seemed to sag and he hung his head.
“I-I’m sorry, mom…I messed up. I thought I could fix it before grades came out.” Duncan raised his head. “But I promise, mom…I swear, I’ll get back on track before the school year ends. I’ll work harder…stay after school for-”
“Duncan, stop!” Lenore shook her head slowly. “Honey, your grades are important. But this isn’t about your grades falling, it’s why they did, Duncan.”
Before her eyes, Duncan’s face began a slow morph…from ashamed, humiliated teenager to angry young man.
“What do you mean, ‘why’, mom? Kids get into trouble all the time with their grades. Not studying enough, distracted with games and music…even friends.”
“But that’s not the case with you, is it, son?”
“I guess you have all the answers, mom.”
Momentarily taken aback at his tone, Lennie took a step towards him, her own face setting in anger. “What did you say to me? Since when do you speak to me that way?”
His shoulders fell in defeat. “I’m sorry, mom…I was wrong to do that. I just…just feel like I’m drowning lately…or the walls are closing in on me, and-”
“Why?”
“Huh? Mom? Why what?”
“Why do you feel that way?”
“Gee, I don’t know mom. Growing pains, teen angst…Malcolm in the Middle was canceled…pick one.” His defiant tone was back.
She let the disrespect go…this time.
“Your father.”
“C’mon, mom! You can’t-”
“You haven’t been yourself since that night. I knew you were having a hard time right after it happened, but I thought you got better after I filed for divorce. I was wrong. And I bear the brunt of the blame for this. I let you down, sweetie.”
Side stepping his mother and heading for the car, Duncan waved his hands. “Mom, stop. You’re not to blame. No one is to blame. There is nothing wrong. I screwed up, Mom…simple as that.” He reached for the door handle. “And where are we going in the middle of the day, mom?”
Swallowing her anger, Lennie slowly approached the SUV. “I made an appointment for you to…talk with someone.”
Confused only for a few seconds, Duncan suddenly realized what his mother meant. “Talk to someone? You mean like a shrink? You’re taking me to see a shrink? I’m not crazy, mom.”
“No, baby, you’re not. But there is a problem?”
“Why? Why? Just because I had trouble in my classes and didn’t tell you? I’m not crazy, mom.”
“Duncan, you are not crazy…we both know that. But you yourself just said how you felt like you were drowning…that the walls were closing in on you. Your mind is overwhelmed with something, baby. We need to find out what.”
“No shrink.”
“It’s not up for discussion, Duncan.”
“I said no shrink! I’m not going!”
Lennie had had enough. “Boy, I don’t know who you think you’re talking to, but you’d better get your butt in that seat, now!”
He looked away, staring across the parking lot. When he faced her again, a lone tear slid down his cheek. “I’m sorry, mom…no.”
“Duncan Mitchell Porter…enough! In the car, now!”
Backing away from the car slowly, Duncan shook his head.” I’m sorry, mom. I’m so, so sorry.” Then Duncan Porter turned and ran towards the street. When he reached the corner, he turned right and disappeared from his mother’s sight.
Lennie just stood there…stunned.
Part VII Part IV
©Felicia Denise, 2016, 2017
January 27, 2017
January 25, 2017
January 22, 2017
“Free, A Novella Part VII”
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“Free, A Novella”
by Felicia Denise
Part VII
A lone tear slid down Lennie’s cheek as she stood in the doorway.
She had almost lost her son that night, and her children, their father.
Ranard never returned to the house on Linden Lane after that night. The next day, Lennie called her attorney and instructed him to make the legal separation permanent. She wanted divorce papers filed immediately under the same terms as the separation with two changes. Lennie still wanted no financial support for herself or the boys, but Ranard would get no visitations, and he had to sign off the house.
Her attorney balked, saying the terms were easy for a separation, but no judge would allow her to keep the boys from their father even if she wanted no financial support. Lennie briefly explained to him what happened the night before, and assured her legal representative Ranard would not contest her terms.
Moving on had not been easy for Lennie’s Porter Patrol. RJ was fearful and had nightmares about his father reappearing. Myron was tightly wound with anger at Ranard for the physical abuse he’d suffered. But getting past that fateful night had been hardest for Duncan. He seemed to be at war with himself – guilt and anger competing for dominance, and neither never too far from boiling over. Coming to grips with the fact he’d nearly killed his father also embarrassed Lennie’s oldest son. During the next week, he couldn’t bring himself to look his mother or brothers in the eyes. Duncan kept his head down during meals, and spent the rest of his time behind a closed door in his bedroom. RJ would check on him once or twice each evening. Duncan would never turn him away, but he also never looked directly at his little brother.
A week later, a messenger dropped off divorce papers for Lennie to read and sign. Determined to no longer keep anything from her boys, Lennie sat them down and discussed the divorce and the documents with them. The boys nodded with understanding as their mother went over each page. Even RJ seemed to have a good grasp of the process.
Lennie turned to the last page and froze. The Porter boys looked at each other confused. Myron leaned over and touched Lennie’s arm.
“Mom? You okay? Is something wrong?”
Still speechless, Lennie turned the document so they could all see.
Ranard had already signed the divorce papers.
RJ and Myron visibly relaxed as the beginnings of a tiny smile played at the corners of Lennie’s lips. Even with the threat of child abuse charges and contacting his father looming over Ranard’s head, she had still expected a fight from Ranard. Lennie was thankful at least this time, he had done the right thing.
Only Duncan still sat silent. Looking across the room at nothing in particular, his mother watched his eyes flit back and forth as if trying to focus. Lennie left her two younger boys high-fiving each other and approached Duncan, sliding her arm around his shoulder.
“It’s all over except for the waiting game, and in a few months, that will be over too. We’re going to be fine.”
Nodding his head absently, Duncan turned his head and looked into her eyes for the first time in over a week. “I know, mom…I know.”
The pain and guilt Lennie saw trapped in her son’s eyes nearly broke her. With her arm still around his shoulder, Lennie sat down next to Duncan and pulled his head on to her shoulder.
“I can’t tell you when or where, or how long this will bother you…and I know it still bothers you…but honey, it does get better. It will get better. I hope you can forgive your father one day. But before you get there, you must forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong. You defended your brother…stood up for your family. Something anyone would have done.”
Raising his head, Duncan looked at Lennie again. “He’s our father. I defended my brother from our father. I nearly killed my own father. How do I get past that, mom? How do I look at my brothers again?”
” Yes, sweetie, you could have killed your father. But, you didn’t. Know why?” Pulling him towards her, Lennie turned to where her other two boys were still sitting, only now they were watching her and Duncan. “Because your love for them is stronger than your hatred for your father.”
RJ and Myron nearly leapt to their feet and rushed to their brother’s side. RJ slipped his arm around Duncan’s other shoulder.
“I love you, big brother. You always eat all the Captain Crunch, but I’m glad you’re my brother.”
Duncan fought the smile trying to form on his lips and ducked his head…and found himself looking into Myron’s eyes as he knelt in front of him.
“Dunc…did I ever tell you…you’re my hero?”
Throwing his head back, Duncan roared with laughter. RJ was hit with a case of the giggles when Myron then threw a big, toothy grin at his older brother.
Lennie stood and quietly walked away, leaving her boys in a laughing, wrestling pile of brotherly love.
Turning away from the family room, Lenore stood in the hallway.
So much had happened. So many memories. Lennie and her boys survived it all…together.
Removing Ranard from their lives had been the best thing for Lenore and the boys. It hurt them each in different ways, but they were entitled to a good life. A decent life without the stresses of dysfunction. Without the pain of rejection and abandonment. Without wondering if someone who wasn’t a part of your life would try to exercise control over your life.
But Fate wasn’t done with them. Life still had more lessons to teach, and pain to inflict.
Part VI Part VIII
©Felicia Denise, 2016, 2017
