Yashas Mahajan's Blog, page 2

Word of the Week #422:

Respite

Tomorrow, finally, I’m taking a day off…

Oh, it’s been sooo long since I took a day off by choice. At least 3 weeks.

Between work and incessant allergies and moving and gym and every other little thing needed to just sustain life, tomorrow is a day I have assigned to live.

It is strange, I understand. Is it even sustainable? Well, I have sustained it for a few years now, so…

Not that I’d recommend it to anybody. So many of the things I do are far ill-advised for the normal person.

I love being not normal.

And I also love my days off.

Word of the Week #421:

Primed

I’m writing again!

Yey! Feels so good…

For so long, I kept feeling like the flow of my internal energy was blocked somewhere. Now, finally, it feels open and clear and free.

I feel open and clear and free.

Well, I do have adult responsibilities now, the likes of which were a decade away when I started writing, well, a decade ago. I can no longer just vanish from the real world and spend entire months inside my own worlds, but at least I have had the chance to start building a new world.

I can feel it calling to me.

Let’s see how I can manage my time and pay appropriate attention to everything that I need to get done. I could not have done this a decade ago, but today, it is a lot less daunting.

Today, I am the right man for the job.

Word of the Week #420:

Modular

What is one quality or trait that sets you apart? 

Have you thought about it? 

It is a question we tend to ask ourselves, right? Perhaps more so when we are younger and trying to chart the course of our career.

By my very nature, these are the kinds of questions that I keep asking myself, even at times when I don’t need to use the answer as actionable intelligence for my immediate future. And by my very nature, my answers to these questions keep changing each time I ask them. 

What one thing sets me apart? 

Well, there is a lot that makes me amazing and unusual. I have no qualms in proclaiming that. 

Still, I’ll also be the first one to admit that my sheer, raw mental ability is not as incredible as I wish it was. I have been aware of that for a few years now.

But there is more to a good car than just the power of its engine, right? 

I think the one trait of mine that allows me to be who I really am is my ability to organise my thoughts inside my own head. 

It sounds strange when put in words, but I’ve always found it stranger when other claim they cannot do the same. 

The ability to hold each thought in your mind, assess it, categorise it, understand where it is coming from and where it can go—without this ability, how do you even begin to build your life? Your identity, even?

This form of structured thought—unconstrained at the beginning but organised in the end—is what allows me to keep thinking about a question without actually constantly thinking about it. I can keep having and storing small thoughts, then re-examining them to add to or subtract from them, on and on and on until I have built an thorough understanding of the topic. 

How else does one learn? Through one burst of inspired thought? That cannot be sustainable. 

The ability to consolidate thousands of little thoughts borne over thousands of days without being overwhelmed by their weight or breadth is what makes me who I am.

Did I learn to write because I thought this way? Or did I learn to think this way because I write? I am asked often, and I cannot be sure if there is a real answer.

But what I do know is that I am, and perhaps will remain, the Writer Guy. 

And I’m up to something new… Let’s see where this goes…

Word of the Week #419:

Nativity

Being back to your hometown brings an array of mixed feelings.

Once the initial wave of nostalgia has passed, what is left behind is a real sense of familiarity and the comfort and ease that comes with it. Yes, there may be some changes that you need to get used to, but by and large, the bones of the city are deep ingrained in the bones of the man you have become. Things just feel easier to do while you are here.

I remember the reasons why I wanted to leave. Those reasons are all still very much valid, at least for the most part. But at the same time, whenever I come back, I find another reason to stay. 

And it all just makes me wonder… What is home? Is it where I belong? Is it what belongs to me? Are the two supposed to be the same? 

Word of the Week #418:

Viscid

Lately, I have gotten much better at using the depth and breadth of my emotions and of the experiences associated with them.

I like it. It has taken some work, and I consider it to be a big stride in my journeys both as an adult human and as an artist.

And yet, there are times when my emotions stop me from writing about certain situations.

It is odd. For the most part, my words act like blood should through my arteries—rich and clear, gushing out of the depth of my heart. But there are these few moments when, just like my blood, my words too grow thick, viscous, clotting and clogging, failing to reach where they are needed the most when they are needed the most.

Unfortunately, there is no aspirin for words, I suppose. If there is, I haven’t found it yet.

I will, I suppose.

For now, we just breathe through it all, and we keep moving forward.

If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am.

Jane Austen, Emma

Word of the Week #417:

Praxis

So, I have been such a good boy, lately.

Almost every single day, I’ve slept around 11:30 and woken up around 6:30. Consistent. Like clockwork.

And yes, those are PM and AM respectively. I wouldn’t be surprised if people who’ve known me for any amount of time would have had that question.

Turns out, sleeping well and in a regular schedule can really help set a lot of things right. Who knew!

Well, apart from my parents, every doctor, every friend, every girl I’ve ever dated…

But hey, now I know, and isn’t that the best source of any and all knowledge?

So, ever since I got back on this track—it must have been like 3 weeks now—I have been feeling so much better in every regard!

I’m eating better, drinking water more consistently and organically, working more efficient, running faster and farther, lifting heavier, recovering faster… Is there anything else I even do?

I literally do not remember having ever felt better.

Does a runner’s high last hours? I haven’t read about it, but I wouldn’t expect so.

Maybe I’m just happy…

Is it odd how that feels almost unfamiliar?

Well, we’re here now, and it is good.

Word of the Week #416:

Account

One of the weirdest things of living with ADHD or neurodivergence or mental illness is that it affects so much of who we are that we may be tempted to relinquish a lot of responsibility regarding our actions and patterns of behaviour.

I’m sure we have all done this as well as observed this in others, right?

“Of course my sleep pattern is erratic. I have ADHD.”

“Of course I cancelled on you at the last minute. I am depressed.”

“Of course I annoy you all the time. I’m a Gemini.”

Okay, the last one may have been a little more bogus than the others… though unfortunately not less common.

And yes, the first one is definitely one I can relate to. And there have actually been studies linking ADHD to erratic sleep patterns, and erratic patterns in most aspects of our lives.

So, what does this mean? Does ADHD warrant erratic behaviour? If this is I am wired on a fundamental level, why do I need to fight it?

Well, as it would turn out, there is a good reason to…

ADHD doesn’t suddenly make my eyes immune to hours and hours of continuous strain that piled up over the decades.

ADHD doesn’t make my limbs immune to the wear and tear caused by my random bouts of hyperactivity.

ADHD doesn’t make my pancreas immune to cycles of starving and overeating.

ADHD doesn’t separate my actions from their consequences.

We do have certain inclinations, and many of them are hardwired within us. That is true. However, the body does keep a record. And as I approach an age where more and more of these bills start coming due, the more wary I become.

It’s not the easiest, but I have found some ways to help me cope. Let’s see how it goes.

Word of the Week #415:

Heed

You know, I haven’t quite been feeling like myself over the past week or less.

The breaking of the streak last week (yes, I still want to cry just thinking about it) was just another of the obvious symptoms.

I thought long and hard about what was going wrong, and while I had some theories, I could not know for certain. Then, as it often does, an answer showed up in a project assigned to me this week. It posited that when artists do not pursue art, they tend to lose themselves.

Since I do not want to hold myself at that high a standard, I have another way to interpret that. When people with ADHD do not find something that adequately engages them, they tend to lose themselves.

In my normal day-to-day life, I have been finding myself put far too often in situations that need me to me responsible and sane. And, yes, I am good at that. But that will never be all I am. It mustn’t.

I need an outlet for all the crazy inside me! I needs to release this energy into something safe, at the very least. But sometimes in my life, those outlets do not appear as readily as I would like. Certainly not as readily as they once did.

I cannot be as reckless as I once was with sports or gym. I can feel the repercussions through the depths of my bones and joints, and I can no longer ignore them.

Even video games are hampered by my recent injury.

Reading or watching things for pleasure does give that—pleasure. However, excitement is a different beast. It won’t be summoned by something quite this passive.

Even my writing has become methodical and structured over the years of practice and observation. In the process, though, I wonder if I am losing the spontaneity that often drives good, true art.

Focusing on the craft for so long that I lose sight of my art is certainly not what I sought when I embarked on this journey.

I haven’t quite found the answer just yet.

I haven’t quite found my path.

What I do know is that I did feel like I was back to myself earlier today, and that feeling has persisted over the course of today.

Perhaps it could be the beginning of the next streak that may come to define this new phase of my simultaneously ever-changing and yet somehow immutable life.

Word of the Week #414:

Folly

After 413 weeks, my streak is finally broken. I finally missed a Tuesday night post.

I’ll be honest, I am devastated.

Hah… It has been an odd week, and I’ve had an odd day.

Argh! I am too frustrated to form coherent thoughts. Let me just go sulk for a few more hours.

Word of the Week #413:

Mountebank

So I have talked in the past about adaptations, particularly touching on Neflix’s live action adaptations of anime series.

Now, Netflix’s Death Note was atrocious. That’s undeniable.

But more recently, some Netflix adaptations have been relatively palatable.

By all accounts, the One Piece show was good, and over the past week, we got the much awaited Avatar live action show.

Personally, I did not like the show. It is by no means a disaster, but they are just changing WAY too much for my taste. And these are not just cosmetic changes; key plot points and characters traits which truly worked in the original and are by no means dated just yet have been warped.

And yes, there is an argument to be made—as an old friend did make—that these remakes are making the franchises accessible to a new batch of fans who grow up generally disinclined towards anime but all the while listening to people like me badgering them to try these series. This can be a softer, safer way for them to enter the fandoms.

In many ways, it is similar to how so many of us were introduced to pizzas and tacos through Pizza Hut and Taco Bell respectively.

Now, as much as I may appreciate these fast food brands for that, it is important to remember that there is more to pizzas than Pizza Hut. I hope we are not creating a community that thinks otherwise.