Peggy Orenstein's Blog, page 4

Where Have the Go-Go’s Gone-Gone?

Daisy and I have been watching this Go-Go’s vid over and over (and over) lately. I’m struck by how much the women in the band, unlike most of today’s female artists, look like real people–even Belinda, whom I recalled  as a sort of having an unattainable ideal of beauty vibe (maybe that came later,  in the “Cool Jerk” era). And Jane, well, dang, how cool is Jane?

This vid is all about having silly fun and making music with your pals, not what other people think about how you look. Yeah, they stop at a lingerie store for no apparent reason. But they come out empty handed as far as I can tell. Because unlike today’s lady stars, if they did buy leather thongs, they are wearing them under their clothes. And who knows? maybe (as my girl Caitlin Moran might say) they just needed to stock up on some stridently feminist big pants.

Rock-&-roll is sexy, no problem with that. Love that. But somewhere along the line, for women in the bizness (as for girls across the board) looking desirable replaced  expressing or understanding your desire as the definition of “sexiness.” I mean, where are today’s playful vids of girls just wanting to have fun, making music for the joy of it, letting the audience in on what it means to simply feel free? I suspect if this vid were made today it would show a band of perfectly sculpted bodies in bustiers and 5-inch spikes “owning” their sexuality by bumping and grinding in a giant bird cage. Constraint as freedom, that’s just messing with girls’ minds. Minimally, Belinda would have come out of that lingerie store carrying a stack of shopping bags. 

So, yeah, there’s Adele. Of course, Adele. Maybe the Dixie Chicks? But who are today’s Go-Go’s? Whither today’s Belindas and Janes?

(Me, I blame the Spice Girls.)

 

And So it Begins….

Here are some of the questions a 9 1/2-year-old asks:

“Mom, when did you go through puberty?”

“Mom, when did you get your period?”

“You mean you can get PREGNANT when you go through puberty????”

“Mom, what’s a tampon?”

“Mom, what’s anna…anna…anna…Anorexia?”

Here we go.

As a journalist, I have had mixed feelings about the American Girl line, mixed feelings I never had to confront as a mother because Daisy thought the dolls were creepy. However, they publish some fabulous books and one that is absolutely worth getting for your pre-pubescent daughter is The Care and Keeping of You. It covers all the above questions, plus  basics like why you really, really do need to wash your face every morning.

I do wish they hadn’t made the Asian girl on the cover quite so bowl-haired and slanty-eyed, though.

For those other birds and bees-type questions I’ve found the best books are It’s Not the Stork (for boys and girls age 4+)

and It’s So Amazing for children 7+

 

The Asians are better in these books, too.

I suggest having all of these on hand. You’ll need them before you realize….

A Chrismukkah “Nice” List

‘Tis the season of giving–and frustration with hyper-gendered, sexualized toys. So, how about “fighting fun with fun” with some recommendations? There’s my on-going, if badly organized, list on this site. But in addition, let’s help each other out: What are you giving your children for Christmukkah? Tell us their ages, sexes and your gift ideas.  I’ll go first, since Chanukah is in four days.  But I’m trusting you guys NOT TO TELL MY DAUGHTER!!!

To reduce the greed-fest that the holiday has become, we usually have a latke night with another family whom she loves and doesn’t see that often as one “gift.” We also typically bake Chanukah cookies on the weekend as a “gift.” There’s also a “dreidel night” with gelt and/or M&Ms (yeah, it’s teaching my kid to gamble, but heck, it’s TRADITION). Sometimes on that we give a board game as well. This year she’ll get a lot of games from relatives: my parents are giving her Seafarers of Catan an expansion set for  The Settlers of  Catan, which has been a favorite since she turned 9.

My oldest brother’s family is giving her Forbidden Island.

My husband’s family will also probably give her a board game. My other brother’s family always gives her wonderful books or audiobooks for the holiday, usually picked out by their (now adult) children based on what they loved as kids. Later they can discuss  the books together, which is a lovely way for cousins who are over a decade apart in age to bond.

Then we have calendar night (something my own parents always did), when I give silly calendars for daughter and husband. This year I think she’d like this one. Nine year olds love absurd, “in-joke” humor.

And we  have an art night–this year she’ll get this Klutz book and some pastels.

I’m putting my money where my mouth is this year and getting her an original Roominate kit. It’s expensive, but I figure it’s not just a toy, it’s a political statement. Plus, I know she’ll really dig it.

She will also get this book of optical illusions from my parents, which looked really cool.

That takes us through the 8 nights and more, really. And, ok, we are also mulling over whether to get her what she REALLY wants, which is a camcorder. Something like a Kodak Playsport or a Panasonic. Basically something akin to a Flip, which sadly no longer exists. But she’s already getting a lot, so she may have to break down and use the allowance money she’s been hoarding for four years to buy that one for herself. She’d also really like an electric keyboard; perhaps next year.

On Christmas morning, she generally gets a few stocking stuffers. Santa brings candy, tangerines and  a few items that, COINCIDENTALLY, appeal to my husband’s tastes as well as my daughter: little Japanese animation-based toys, a graphic novel (she is missing one from the Bone series) or a Calvin & Hobbes book, Plants vs. Zombies.

For other little girls on my list, I am doling out Rapunzel’s Revenge.

So, what about you? What are you getting (or suggesting family get) for your little ones?

 

There’s a New Girl Strutting on Monster High’s Corner

Move over Monster High, there’s a new semi-nude, spike-heeled, crazy skinny Sesame Streetwalker posing as a girl power icon in town: Winx Club dolls, based on the Nick series, Winx Club

Good thing these fairies are magical, because if they were real women they’d have to keep their uteruses (uterii?) in their purses.

As dolls, they make Barbie look like a before picture from  ”The Biggest Loser.”

Looking at pictures of these normal-sized little girls happily olding these pro-ana fairies makes me wince. I’ve seen the research that says girls now self-sexualize by age six. You can certainly see how that happens.

 

 

The girls are so lovely and chubby and real. The dolls are so skinny and missel-pointy and freakish. They’d have a mom BEGGING for Barbie. Nick, can’t you do better?

What Kind of Career Can a Girl Like Me Have?

In case you missed this, it’s a must-see! I like to think that in some teeny-tiny way CAMD had a hand in it….

Do you think they might market a little gavel for those Abby dolls?

CAREER!!

In case you missed this, it’s a must-see! I like to think...

In case you missed this, it’s a must-see! I like to think that in some teeny-tiny way CAMD had a hand in it….

CAREER!!

“Princess” is not a Career

In case you missed this, it’s a must-see! I like to think that in some teeny-tiny way CAMD had a hand in it….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...#!

CAREER!!

Let ‘Em Know: Rape’s Not Fun & It’s Not a Gift

Think these comments about “legitimate” rape and rape that “God intended” are a fluke? Think again. Gayle Sulik,  whose excellent book Pink Ribbon Blues just came out in paperback, sent me the following, which went around on A Critical Sociological Discourse Listserv:

GIFT-FROM-GOD-RAPE

“When life begins with that horrible situation of rape, that is something that God intended to happen.” -Richard Mourdock (R), candidate for Senate in Indiana, on October 23, 2012

“The right approach is to accept this horribly created, in the sense of rape, but nevertheless…a gift of human life, and accept what God is giving to you.” -Rick Santorum (R), Senator and Presidential candidate, on January 20, 2012

“Richard and I, along with millions of Americans…believe that life is a gift from God.” -Republican Senator John Cornyn of Texas voicing his support of Richard Mourdock’s statement about rape-induced abortions, on October 24, 2012

 

LEGITIMATE RAPE

“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” -Republican Congressman & Senate candidate Todd Akin of Missouri on August 20, 2012

 

HONEST RAPE

“If it’s an honest rape, that individual should go immediately to the emergency room, I would give them a shot of estrogen.” -Republican Congressman & Presidential candidate Ron Paul of Texas on February 3, 2012

 

EMERGENCY RAPE

“It was an issue about a Catholic church being forced to offer those pills if the person came in in an emergency rape.” -Republican Senate candidate Linda McMahon of Connecticut (also confusing churches with hospitals) on October 15, 2012

 

EASY RAPE

“If you go down that road, some girls, they rape so easy.” -Republican State Representative Roger Rivard of Wisconsin, on December 21, 2011 and endorsed by VP Candidate Paul Ryan on August 9, 2012

 

FORCIBLE RAPE

Republican Vice-Presidential nominee Paul Ryan, Todd “legitimate rape” Akin and 214 other Republicans co-sponsored the “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act”, which would prohibit federal funding of abortions except in instances of “an act of forcible rape or, if a minor, an act of incest.” -H.R. 3, 112th Congress, January 20, 2011

 

ENJOYABLE RAPE

“If it’s inevitable, just relax and enjoy it.” -Republican Gubernatorial candidate Clayton Williams of Texas on March 25, 1990

Me, I’m with the legendary Lesley Gore:

 

The Plastic Surgeons Threw a Party and All I Got Was This Lousy Boob

Nancy Stordahl wrote a great piece this week on HuffPo about the dubiously named “BRA Day,” a new national, um, holiday, embedded in Breast Cancer Awareness month (let’s put the discussion of that aside for now) which is designed to educate women on reconstruction options after breast cancer. BRA Day even hired their own celebrity spokeswoman, the singer Jewel, who wrote a song, “Flower,” for the occasion.

Now, I am deeply grateful to have had the option for reconstruction, which U.S. health insurance already has to cover by law. And I am grateful that I could have a type of reconstruction that was possible despite my previous radiation therapy, which wreaked havoc with my skin elasticity. I’m even abashedly pleased that the kind of reconstruction I had—using my own belly fat—had the bonus side effect of leaving me with a much flatter stomach. What the hell. I might as well get something out of it, right? Because part of what won’t be discussed on BRA day is that reconstruction can be absolutely brutal to go through. Also, no matter how great the result, it’s only cosmetic—you don’t get sensation back. It feels a bit like having a folded up pair of hiking socks attached to your chest.

I have friends who have done reconstruction and those that have not and both have their reasons. It’s a personal thing and both options should be respected—if they truly are freely chosen. It seems to me, too, that everyone is equally happy and equally unhappy with what they did as time goes on. There is no perfect solution.

Nancy points out that BRA Day (an acronym “that sounds patronizing and trivializing and somehow puts the main focus once again on saving breasts not women’s lives”) is part of a larger attempt to pass a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Education Act  which would require the Health & Human Services Department to create an education campaign for mastectomy  about reconstruction options, availability and coverage rights. Which sounds good, until you consider that the bill’s primary backers seem to be plastic surgeons:

While I do hold my plastic surgeons in the highest regard, it doesn’t feel quite right to me for others in their profession to be so strongly backing a bill that if passed will result in further lining their pockets. Even if this is not their intent, it certainly can be construed this way. It seems like a conflict of interests to me.

…it seems to me doctors should be responsible for directing their breast cancer patients in regard to educating them about all their reconstruction options, not legislators. If doctors are not doing their job here, we have bigger problems

Finally, my biggest problem of all with this proposed campaign is its exclusion of too many women. I say what about the under-insured and the uninsured?What about their reconstruction rights? There is so much disparity with all aspects of healthcare in this country and this is one more instance where this disparity is being swept under the rug.

If the backers of this bill and BRA Day wish to get behind every woman in the United States who has had breast cancer and wishes to have reconstruction options offered to her, then I’m all for it. Until then, no thank you.

I’d go a step further. Even when, like me, you do have insurance coverage the procedure can be prohibitively expensive. I was lucky. The two surgeons who could perform my reconstruction, a type that involves microsurgery and is still relatively rare, were out of my insurance network. There was no way I could afford that. Or perhaps more accurately, no way I would. My family has needs more pressing than my new boob. But it sure didn’t make me happy. In fact, I was distraught. Not only did I have a recurrence of my cancer, not only did I need a mastectomy 15 years after I thought I was done, but now I couldn’t afford the only method of reconstruction open to me.

Then one of them said, unbidden, “You know what? I’ll take whatever your insurance gives me as full fee.”

“Why would you do that?” I asked.

“Because it’s the right thing to do,” he responded.

I burst into tears. Wouldn’t you?

What a mensch. Also, and I don’t think this is coincidence, he is Canadian. Our health care system probably just seems whack to him.

By the way, I’m still fighting with the other guy, by the way, over the cost of his “free” consultation that somehow has resulted in a $344 bill.

Even with all of that, even with my doc’s generosity, the whole enterprise cost me $8,000. That’s right, $8,000. It’s not the difference between eating and not eating—more like putting off the renovation of our  60 year old kitchen, hanging onto our twelve-year-old cars. A little belt-tightening. But still. My husband and I are both self-employed, so that $8k is on top of our Blue Shield insurance premiums which have spiraled up 30% a year for three years. Even after downgrading our coverage we’re paying way, way more for less.

That said, if I were uninsured, I’d be screwed. My hospital bill alone was—wait for it–$135,000. That’s right. All them zeroes. So rather than BRA Day how about those plastic surgeons back an “astronomical cost of medical care that makes it out of reach for all but the rich day?” Hey Jewel, why don’t you write a song about that?

Or what if all those plastic surgeons who promote BRA day marked it by pledging to do a certain number of reconstructions this year for free or at cost?

What do you think, Nancy? For that would you be willing to say “yes, please.”

If You Let Me Be a Princess…..

Just saw this latest video posted by Disney. They’re trying to rebrand the Princesses as being about strength of character and self-efficacy. What do you think? Can they do this:

while also peddling tens of thousands of products to our daughters that emphasize beauty and consumerism? Does the brave Rapunzel in the movie offset the one who is on the Escape From the Tower Lip & Nail Set?

Or the Pretty Pretty Princess board game?

Or the zillions of other products out there? You tell me.

Meanwhile, this video put me in mind of one from years ago, back in the days of Girl Power, that Nike did:

And finally just for fun and to illustrate how deeply the Princess phenom has gripped our collective imagination, (see it before it goes viral and loses its cool) I give you “Hipster Disney Princess the Musical!”

Kind of the opposite of age compression…..