Charlie Williams's Blog, page 6

Royston Blake says "God Bless America"

I heard they got a new prime minister in America. Personally I liked the old one, Arnold Scharzenegger. At his best he were like the biggest bastard of a headmaster you ever got caned by, except with a shotgun instead of a cane. Also he had that arm with robot shite under it, which he could pull the skin off whenever he wants to shite people up. I heard he had a special operation to have all that put in, and it's seizing up now with rust and that's why they had to get the new prime minister, played by Apollo Creed out of Rocky I, II, III and IIII (until he gets wasted by Ivan Drago). I like the bit at the end where Rambo goes "If I can change, and you can change, every fucker can change. Maybe even Fat Sandra down the arcade, who still reckons I'm banned even though I ain't tried going in there in three years." As everyone knows, that film is all about communists and the Iron Beef Curtain. So here's to hoping Barracks Wossname can finally end all that and bring a new kind of curtain to them Soviets. One made of velvet, or summat. Or just a nice Venusian blind.

Your mate,

Blakey.

AudioBlake

Royston Blake here, letting you know that they have turned my book Deadfolk into an audiobook. Fuck knows what one of them is, but the Writer reckons it's true so I gotta tell you it. If he spinning me a line of shite I'll twock him, I swear.

They'm also doing the other books I done, and you can see em here if you're a Yank or here if you're from Mangel. Watch out mind cos they got a photo of the Writer on them pages and he ain't half so handsome as meself. As everyone knows, I'm the fucking spit of Clint Eastwood but with the body of Ivan Drago.

 By the way, it ain't me reading the stories out. It's a feller name of James Clamp. I think he's from East Bloater.

Blake is Back

After months of very subtly hinting at it I can now officially announce that my next book will be MADE OF STONE - fifth in the Mangel "trilogy". I set out to write original fiction, and a five-piece trilogy (and counting) is nothing if not that... maybe. More details about the story etc in good time, but right now all that Royston Blake supporters need  know is that the publication date is March 19th, and you can pre-order it here (UK) and here (US).

So yes, Blake is back... and can can assure you that he is not toned down in any way.

Royston Blake on the Olympics

Been watching them Olympics on the telly. What's all this about the hammer throw? That ain't a fucking hammer. Try pinging a nail in with that and you'll put your fucking skull through. Also had a gander at the runners doing the 100 yards. I swear, over 40 yard I could murder them cunts one and all. But 100 is way too much. I ain't built for long distances.

Nah, the one I'm waiting for is the Paralympics. Neil Coates from school were in the Paras, and he telled us afterwards that the training is the hardest a man can do. They had strong fellers chucking their guts on the roadside out of pure pain, and one or two even carking it from sheer knackeredness. So you can't blame Neil for deserting - he'd have been dead after a few weeks of that, what with him being a streak of piss and a bit ginger. Paras is the hardest regiment in the world, and it stands to reason they gave em a special Olympics just for them.

Can't fucking wait for it.

Your mate,

Blakey

Sometimes a bad review beats a good review...

...especially when you just know you've really, really pissed someone off.

Knackered

My website is knackered at the moment. I pointed it here to this blog for the time being (which is also a bit knackered). If for some strange reason you are looking for the kind of stuff you might find on charliewilliams.net, let me know and I will help you out. Maybe you're writing a big article about me for Time Magazine or something.

A while back I wrote one chapter of a multi-author story for the Harrogate Crime Writing Festival. Other authors include Stuart MacBride, Zoe Sharp, Martyn Waites, Dreda Say Mitchell and Allan Guthrie. It is called Specific Gravity, is totally whacked out and is available for free online. Check it.

Erm... I know you're sick of hearing it but some big news will be coming soon. Honestly, if I reveal it now I will be assassinated by secret government agents. But it is about Royston Blake. And it may or may not be about another book.

If you don't hear from me again, those agents have got to me.

Sprechen sie Mangel?

For some reason Deadfolk for Kindle is riding quite high in the German Amazon charts. Maybe it's because it is going for less than a Euro? Maybe it's because the Euro is in trouble and they are trying to convert them all into Deadfolks? Soon Deadfolk will be declared the new Europe-wide currency. They will be talking about throwing Greece out of the Deadfolk. And the Deadfolk-vision Song Contest. Englenbert would win that.

Also some exciting Mangel news coming soon. I mean it this time. (Cough)

Madness and delusion

How's it going? Noticed a recent reader review of GRAVEN IMAGE on Amazon.com. The reader, Bordeaux Dogue*, gives it a scant two stars but then says "the whole thing is an exercise in madness and delusion". But that's good, right? Delusion and madness are my bag, and if you shy away from that, shy away from my books. To everyone else, embrace the madness! And delusion. And bad language.

In other news, there is no news. I am waiting on some news but it is not here yet, so there is silence. When I have the news, I will tell the world. Or maybe it will never come, and I will spend the rest of my life waiting for it.

* An extinct breed of dog, if I recall from the encyclopaedia of dog breeds I was unaccountably obsessed with as a kid. Although I'm sure it was "Dogue de Bordeaux".

True Brit Grit

Please check out True Brit Grit, which is an anthology of British, grittish short stories by some of the writing peeps I love to read. Also one by me called FIVE BAGS OF BILLY, which is set in a kind of Mangelish place.

Proceeds will go to two worthy charities - Children 1st and Francesca Bimpson Foundation. This last one I hadn't heard of, and provides support for victims of serious crime and in memory of a tragically young and innocent victim.

If you're happy to help a couple of good causes - and prepared to get rocked by forty-five tales of mishap and misadventure in old Blighty - check out True Brit Grit in the UK or US.

Congrats and kudos to Paul Brazill and Luca Veste for editing it.

"I did not like the plot or the wording"

Whoops, looks like I spoke too soon on the good news around the corner thing. But only a bit too soon. The good news is still on cards, just ain't set in concrete yet. When the concrete has set, and I have chucked him in the river, I'll tell you all about it. And yes, it involves Royston Blake.

On that subject, a reader called Dennis has posted this wonderful review of Deadfolk on Amazon. I reproduce it here in its entirety:

"This is one novel that I wish I had not purchased. I did not even bother to finish it! I did not like the plot or the wording" 

Soz about that wording, Dennis. But hey, thanks for the custom. Meanwhile, @chrislirvin has a different take at his HouseLeague Fiction blog

"You get to know Blake’s routine (food, bar, alcohol, women, doorman, walking, driving the Capri,etc) as he wanders from one mess to the next in such haphazard fashion that I had no idea where the story was heading – other than a bad place. Blake’s rough and mundane life is slow but rife with excellent bits of character. And just when the ‘everyday’ parts suck you in, Williams’ minimalist violence sparks and jabs you in the side with a shot of adrenaline. It is executed very well and kept me turning the pages." 

Nice one Chris! And Dennis too, because I don't bear grudges. Hope you like concrete.

More soon. Hopefully...