Charlie Williams's Blog, page 3

Meet the Deadfolk: Jonah on Jonah

This time it's one of the, shall we say, peripheral characters from Deadfolk. PC Jonah may not be pivotal to the events that took place in Mangel  during those few days, but he is a stayer. There are few characters who have made it alive through books 1 to 5, and he is one. I just wish he would chill out a bit...

Name: Jonah Birthplace: Mangel Occupation: Police constable Fave film: Dirty Harry

“They can’t touch me now. None of them, them scumbags who used to think themselves better than me. Who’s better now? Who’s wearing the cloth of authority? See, it don’t matter how many fights you win or lose at school, it’s about what you’ve got up here, in your noggin. And I’ve got it all. There’s nothing stopping me. Alright, so I’m a constable now, but I’m headed for the top. I’ll be running this force before anyone knows it. And where will they be, them wankers from school who thought the world was theirs? In the gutter – that’s where. Especially that Royston Blake. One day he will pay for what he did at primary school. Sometimes I hear a toilet flush and it all comes back to me, and I have to lie down. HE did that. HE will pay. But not yet.”

DEADFOLK: Jonah on Jonah

This time it's one of the, shall we say, peripheral characters from Deadfolk. PC Jonah may not be pivotal to the events that took place in Mangel  during those few days, but he is a stayer. There are few characters who have made it alive through books 1 to 5, and he is one. I just wish he would chill out a bit...

Name: Jonah Birthplace: Mangel Occupation: Police constable Fave film: Dirty Harry

“They can’t touch me now. None of them, them scumbags who used to think themselves better than me. Who’s better now? Who’s wearing the cloth of authority? See, it don’t matter how many fights you win or lose at school, it’s about what you’ve got up here, in your noggin. And I’ve got it all. There’s nothing stopping me. Alright, so I’m a constable now, but I’m headed for the top. I’ll be running this force before anyone knows it. And where will they be, them wankers from school who thought the world was theirs? In the gutter – that’s where. Especially that Royston Blake. One day he will pay for what he did at primary school. Sometimes I hear a toilet flush and it all comes back to me, and I have to lie down. HE did that. HE will pay. But not yet.”

Meet the Deadfolk: Blake on Blake

Over the next few days, for the pure hell of it, all of the main characters from DEADFOLK will be introducing themselves to you. This is a good thing. You want to meet them. But only through the medium of this blog.

Anyway, first up is the man himself, everyone's favourite small town doorman...

Name: Royston Blake Birthplace: Mangel Occupation: Doorman Fave film: Rocky III

“You could say Hoppers is the best thing ever happened to me. When I started working here I moved up a few rungs on the career ladder. And it ain’t just about the money – it’s about respect. Fellers started talking to us right, acting polite and not swearing so much. Birds started trying to tap off with us (although, to be fair, things ain’t ever been different on that score). When you looks at it, you see that there ain’t no more important job in Mangel than the one I got. They all wants in Hoppers of a night, and it’s me saying yay or nay. I got total authority here and they all knows it – including the boss. Mind you, there is more to life. I can see meself in one of them nice big detached places out Danghill way, a nice bird in the kitchen and a couple of younguns round me ankles, although they better watch out down there cos I can be clumsy. But that’s the only fault I got, I swear. Which is how come I got to where I am, being the highest community pillar in Mangel. So aye, Hoppers is the best thing ever happened to me. But it goes both ways.”

DEADFOLK: Blake on Blake

Over the next few days, for the pure hell of it, all of the main characters from DEADFOLK will be introducing themselves to you. This is a good thing. You want to meet them. But only through the medium of this blog.

Anyway, first up is the man himself, everyone's favourite small town doorman...

Name: Royston Blake Birthplace: Mangel Occupation: Doorman Fave film: Rocky III

“You could say Hoppers is the best thing ever happened to me. When I started working here I moved up a few rungs on the career ladder. And it ain’t just about the money – it’s about respect. Fellers started talking to us right, acting polite and not swearing so much. Birds started trying to tap off with us (although, to be fair, things ain’t ever been different on that score). When you looks at it, you see that there ain’t no more important job in Mangel than the one I got. They all wants in Hoppers of a night, and it’s me saying yay or nay. I got total authority here and they all knows it – including the boss. Mind you, there is more to life. I can see meself in one of them nice big detached places out Danghill way, a nice bird in the kitchen and a couple of younguns round me ankles, although they better watch out down there cos I can be clumsy. But that’s the only fault I got, I swear. Which is how come I got to where I am, being the highest community pillar in Mangel. So aye, Hoppers is the best thing ever happened to me. But it goes both ways.”

Blake on Blake

Over the next few days, for the pure hell of it, all of the main characters from DEADFOLK will be introducing themselves to you. This is a good thing. You want to meet them. But only through the medium of this blog.

Anyway, first up is the man himself, everyone's favourite small town doorman...

Name: Royston Blake Birthplace: Mangel Occupation: Doorman Fave film: Rocky III

“You could say Hoppers is the best thing ever happened to me. When I started working here I moved up a few rungs on the career ladder. And it ain’t just about the money – it’s about respect. Fellers started talking to us right, acting polite and not swearing so much. Birds started trying to tap off with us (although, to be fair, things ain’t ever been different on that score). When you looks at it, you see that there ain’t no more important job in Mangel than the one I got. They all wants in Hoppers of a night, and it’s me saying yay or nay. I got total authority here and they all knows it – including the boss. Mind you, there is more to life. I can see meself in one of them nice big detached places out Danghill way, a nice bird in the kitchen and a couple of younguns round me ankles, although they better watch out down there cos I can be clumsy. But that’s the only fault I got, I swear. Which is how come I got to where I am, being the highest community pillar in Mangel. So aye, Hoppers is the best thing ever happened to me. But it goes both ways.”

Bizzy

Man, have I been busy. You know that bee, the busy one? That's me. And just like that bee, I can't tell you what I've been doing. It's top secret. This is a secret that is so top that I'm getting dizzy just thinking about it. But it is cool... and I will tell you in time. Don't I tell you everything in time?

Thinking about it, how do you tell something *outside* time? Surely only Scott Bakula can do that?

But I do have news: next month something pretty cool will be coming your way, should you want it. Erm, I can't tell you what it is.

Are you getting annoyed with me? Sorry. Trust me, if I break these vows of secrecy this man will come after me. Just hang in there - gimme a bit of time and I will spill those beans in full.

Meanwhile, how about a book?

Causing Offence since 2004

I make no bones that people seem to love or hate my Mangel books. MADE IN STONE is a case in point - out of 16 reviews on Amazon UK, 7 are 5-stars and 5 are 1-star. Not much fence-sitting there. But, you know, I wouldn't have it any other way. If you're not provoking a strong reaction, what's the point? Five books in, I'm proud that the Mangel series is still pissing people off.

Your place is in the bin

Although it's hardly unreserved praise, I got a kick out of seeing this reader review of my little short story collection YOUR PLACE IS IN THE SHADOWS. Of the six stories therein, the review singles out SHITHEAD for the biggest thumbs-up. And do you know what?

That is the only one that failed to get published anywhere else beforehand.

All of the others appeared in either anthologies or small press print magazines. (God, did I love appearing in those things back in the day.) But this one never found a home. And it's not because of the title, because back before I retired it the title was something else. At the time I kind of understood why they were rejecting it (which I won't say here because it might colour your judgement, should you ever read it). But it didn't make me think any less of the story. Sometimes you write something and you're almost crying with satisfaction that you churned out a piece that pretty much resembles that initial vision - and even surpasses it...  but you know it'll be a bitch to sell.

Hey, I sold it now. Or rather I'm selling it:

UK: Your Place is in the Shadows
US: Your Place is in the Shadows
Can: Your Place is in the Shadows

99c/79p. Plus you get those five other fancy pants ones that already got published.

PS: One mag that technically didn't reject Shithead was Psychotrope. That editor was kind enough to send me a letter of unreserved praise, tempered with the news that, alas, Psychotrope was forthwith being consigned to that big magazine rack in the sky.

Free Lunch

Actually I won't be buying you lunch, but I will offer you some free reading reading material instead, which is better. My novella GRAVEN IMAGE and my collection of shorts YOUR PLACE IS IN THE SHADOWS are both going for £0.00 on Sunday 8th September for five days. Americans can get it too (at current conversion rates, that comes up at $0.00 precisely).

UK: Graven Image, Your Place is in the Shadows
US: Graven Image, Your Place is in the Shadows
Can: Graven Image, Your Place is in the Shadows

Dig in.

August charts

Hey, do you like fags? Do you like lager? Good, because FAGS & LAGER (AKA Booze & Burn) was last month's number one seller out of all my books!

Fags & LagerKing of the RoadDeadfolkOne Dead HenMade of StoneStairway to HellA little disappointing for Made of Stone there, pulling up the rear in its year of birth. More effort required there, methinks. Made of Stone, get the hell out there and earn your keep. You want the shame of Stairway to Hell beating you? It can happen, boy - believe me. It's up to you now. It's all about the response.
Erm, what was I saying? Oh yeah - Fags & Lager. Well done to that book, which Metro described as "yokel Tarantino", Birmingham Sunday Mercury called "unputdownable" and Tangled Web hailed as (my favourite quote of all time) "300-odd pages of squalor, f-, s- and c- words, extreme violence and drugs, the odd hint of perversity, monstrous sly humour and all with no redeeming social message whatsoever". 
Have a good month. And if you haven't done so already, consider purchasing Made of Stone. Let's pull it out of the doldrums! This book features Highlander heavenly. I bumped into Greg Widen the other week (he wrote Highlander) and mentioned it to him, and he didn't seem bothered either way about it. Greg, for Royston Blake to be obsessed with a film or TV series is the highest honour affordable in showbiz (thus far awarded to Sylvester Stallone, Clint Eastwood, Don Johnson. David Rasche, Dennis Waterman - all the greats).