Cyndi Turner's Blog, page 20
September 18, 2018
SBA Finalist Spotlight: Insight Into Action Therapy
Each of the 2018 Loudoun Chamber Finalists, responds to a series of questions about them and the practice, here is Cyndi Turner’s Spotlight
September 17, 2018
Drinking Demons Turn into Grateful Gifts
My father’s Demons became my gift from God to help others like me.
Before deciding whether to keep drinking or when enough is enough, read my story to understand what being the child of an alcoholic parent feels like.
I took the rules from my traumatic childhood of abuse and addiction into Corporate America and became successful climbing the ladder to jobs like President and CEO, Chairman of the Board…all while living in quiet desperation on the inside. I drank, but not like my father.
For my father, it took losing his career, wife, home and family. One sad night he almost became a murderer while driving into a car occupied by a woman and small child. He finally hit his bottom and joined AA. He stopped drinking for the rest of his life. This year would have been his twenty-second year of sobriety.
I wrote a book called The Way of the Quiet Warrior after ten years of self-discovery to figure out the meaning of what happened in my life. It helped me make peace and receive and give forgiveness to my father late last year at a coffee shop near his home. I hadn’t seen him for many years. I said “Dad, while I can’t see you as much as you like, how about we do a coffee monthly right here?” He said, “Son, I am proud of you. I release you and am sorry for all that has happened.” We hugged and I took a selfie, the first one with Dad.
Two months later, he passed away in his home. In my journey to forgive, I saw Dad in a different light. His own father died in front of him when he as a kid, at the dinner table from alcoholism. He was angry with his mom for providing alcohol and enabling his habit. He was raised with violence and never knew a nurturing childhood. For the first time hearing his story was like looking in the mirror, seeing what I could have been had I made the same choices.
Drinking is a choice. Whether you are like me or a drinker, I believe knowing and feeling the story of what life could be in the torture chamber of alcoholism may inspire you to seek a different path. AA was all I knew and wasn’t the best path for my father. There are other ways, I have discovered, through learning from people like Cyndi Turner.
Excerpt from The Way of the Quiet Warrior
His mother was the stalwart canary in the coal mine of their home. The boy looked to her first thing before he did anything else because he could tell by the expression on her face, by the way she held herself, how bad it was going to be.
If she seemed stiff, her face remote and tight as though she were struggling to hold a very heavy weight without complaining, then the boy knew that his father was still in the slow ramping-up process. Maybe he was still only drinking and giving his family long, blistering looks full of loathing. Maybe he was out, in parts unknown with folks unknown. Either way, the pressure was still building and the man had not yet exploded.
It was almost better, those days when she was teary-eyed and cowering, because it meant that the storm had broken. Instead of tight and stiff, her body would sag with a kind of terrible relief. The boy’s father might be hitting the walls or hitting the four of them but at least it was happening outright, no more waiting or imagining or anticipating. Soon enough, he would exhaust himself or saturate himself with booze and fall into that deathlike sleep and, for a little while, they’d have silence.
The worst thing was when the boy came home and found that his mother was not there at all. She wasn’t in the kitchen preparing an after-school snack or in the living room tidying. Instead, he would find her shut up in his parents’ darkened bedroom, lying in the same position in which he’d left her that morning when he went to school.
She wasn’t sleeping. There was a thin crack where the curtains didn’t quite cover the windows and he could see how the light caught on her open eyes, giving them a gleam.
“Are you hurting?” he asked, touching the back of his hand to her forehead, because that was what she did for him when he was sick. Her skin was cool and dry but she nodded all the same.
This sadness was an old wound, like the one in her back. When conditions were just right, it flared into life and kept her confined to her bed. Once, when the boy was very small, it got so bad that she had to go away for a long time, several weeks. The boy and his brother were not allowed to visit her and, when she came back, she looked somehow smaller than they’d remembered.
The boy wanted to ask her to promise him that she wouldn’t go away again but he had a feeling that would upset her and his father was there, watching the reunion with the same evaluating eye he had when teaching the children how to shoot or cut wood or change a tire or any of the other things that made a man a man.
His father had told the both of them once that they were lucky to have a mother like her, a mother who cared for them and looked out for them.
“Not everyone has that,” he’d told them. He never seemed to remember those sentiments when he was calling her stupid, ugly, or useless.
“When your father was young . . .” Their mother spoke of him as a young man so delicately, so differently. It was like she was talking about another person altogether, someone who had perhaps died young and tragically. “. . . he had a hard time. His mother did some things that he . . . finds hard to forgive.” She wouldn’t look at the boys when she said that part.
And so he checked in, every day, to read her face and look for the signs and, if necessary, prepare. His father channeled his rage into the most readily available target but he did have his preferences. The eldest brother was off-limits, the first-born son and a father’s prize, he alone was treated as precious, at least physically. The boy’s little brother was too sprightly, a ham and an entertainer who tried to distract their father by fooling around and making him laugh. He was no good to hurt. Their mother was too passive; she absorbed the stream of harsh words like a kitchen sponge. Sometimes that only seemed to make the boy’s father angrier.
“Why do you just sit there?” he would yell. Sometimes he would throw things at her, just to see her move.
The boy was in between, Goldilocks’s perfect porridge. He wasn’t clever enough to make jokes or confident enough to perform and he couldn’t sink into himself the way his mother could. Every blow, every word, it all showed on him and his father liked that. The boy supposed that everyone likes to see that their work is doing something, changing something in the world, even if it is just a little boy’s expression or the skin on his arms, his chest, his throat.
“Your father’s having people over,” she told him when he got home from school. She was scrubbing dark scratches out of the surface of the sink, one elbow crooked, the motion of her hand, fast and violent.
The boy nodded and went to his room and fell asleep. That was the best time to sleep, if he could manage it. There would be noise when his father came back, even if he came alone, and the boy could never completely rest when he knew his father would soon be arriving. His stomach would wake him, a stab like hunger pangs and a nausea so intense that his mouth filled with sickly saliva.
Now, though, the house was empty and they were all fortifying themselves, the same way someone might board up the windows and fill a bathtub with water when a hurricane was inbound. His mother would scrub and polish their already immaculate home. The boy would sleep as deeply as he could manage, ready to be available but unobtrusive the moment that his father appeared on the doorstep.
His mother didn’t like the parties, never had. She usually tried to vanish into some secluded part of the house and, if it was a good night, the boy’s father would let her.
The boy tried to sleep like he always did, curled tightly in on himself with the blanket wrapped around his face, leaving just the smallest hole for breathing, but there was something restless in him.
“I hate parties,” the boy muttered.
Tom Dutta is the author of the #1 Best Seller The Way of the Quiet Warrior and Founder and CEO of KRE-A®. Tom is the world’s only motive-based leadership expert. He created a proven coaching and mentorship formula called The Way of the Quiet Warrior® which helps leaders manifest success by discovering purpose, taking action and living life their way. Go to www.kreat.ca/to learn more about his coaching services or obtain his book.
Listen to Tom Dutta interview Insight’s Cyndi Turner on October 2, 2018. Subscribe to the Quiet Warrior Show in ITUNES.
September 3, 2018
The Impact of Legalization on Health, Wellness, and Community
July 23, 2018
July 22, 2018
June 5, 2018
Dr. Anand Answers Questions About Psychiatric Medications
Am I on the right medication? How do I know if it is working?
These are among the most common questions I get asked by patients. Naturally it stems from people wanting to learn more about their medications, including how they work. I try to set up realistic expectations for medication and of me as their treating psychiatrist.
I try to educate my patients about what medications can do and what they do not do. For example, the SSRI antidepressants such as Prozac, Zoloft and Lexapro are commonly used to address anxious ruminations that are often characteristic 
of anxiety and depression. I emphasize that while such medications may take the edge off the severity or reduce the frequency of worrying, they cannot erase the habit of worrying that they been experiencing. That part is best addressed in therapy where thinking errors are explored and healthier patterns are established.
Psychiatrists prescribe medications in order to treat what is clinically referred to as the target symptom. This is what makes people seek help. These commonly include insomnia, depressed or anxious mood, depressive or anxious thinking, physical symptoms of anxiety, mood swings, irritability, difficulty in concentrating, and low energy or motivation. The choice of medication will be determined by which symptoms are most troublesome and for which the patient is seeking the most immediate relief. Medication treatment is both a science as well as an art because there are different combinations of medications that could be used.
In general, physicians are usually trained to avoid polypharmacy— the simultaneous prescription of several medications. This can increase or worsen the impact of existing medications. Medications can also interact with one another to produce unpleasant or even dangerous side effects. Patients may inadvertently do this if they add an over the counter medication to an existing prescription, so I specifically ask about this. I try to minimize polypharmacy as much as I can. If I can use one medication to treat sleep problems as well as anxiety, I will try hard do so rather than have two medications that target each symptom separately.
Do I a) Increase the dose? b) Add in another medication? or c) Switch to another medication?
This is where practicing principled prescribing is important. All too often polypharmacy has occurred because a person has seen several doctors and a new prescription sometimes gets added to an old one. This is one way that prescriptions can become inadvertently complicated.
The simplest, and safest, approach is usually to increase the dose of what medication the patient is already taking. This is important because oftentimes patients will tell me a particular medication didn’t work. When I ask what dose they were on or how long they were on it, I am frequently told that either the dose was much less than the maximum or that they did not try the maximum dose of medication for at least four to six weeks. This would be called an adequate trial of medication, and it is this technical term that formally tells you if the medication has truly worked or not.
If the medication is nearly maxed out at its ceiling dose, then there may be a value in adding another medication on top that specifically targets residual symptoms (such as tiredness, poor concentration or insomnia) and that in combination with the current medication will enhance its effectiveness. This strategy is called augmentation and is frequently used for inadequately treated symptoms.
Switching to another medication altogether is simpler when the medication is in the same family (class) of medications, Examples of these would be switching from Prozac to Zoloft or Paxil as these are all SSRI medications. This can be useful as often people respond better to one rather than the other medication in the same class. Based upon genetics, if a biological family member responded to that same medication, chances are that you will too.
Switching to another class may be necessary if an adequate trial of one to two members of the same class of medications is simply not working for anysymptoms. In such cases, the physician would not usually abruptly stop one medication and start another. The pharmacological principle used here is: Start low. Go slow so the brain receptors can get used to a reduced dose of the old medication and slowly introduce a new medication. Over time, the old medication is stopped and the new medication dose increased. This is called cross titrating and is common when switching antidepressants, antianxiety and even mood stabilizing medications.
The most common reason why a medication does not work or why symptoms return may surprise you: it is that people simply stop taking their medication! This can come as a surprise to the physician also, unless one specifically asks them if they are taking their medications, at the right dose, and how consistently. The reasons are common— ranging from side effects to feeling like they were doing fine and didn’t need them anymore. This is why I don’t make assumptions of whether my patients have taken their medications. I will usually ask to check in that the medication is tolerated, effective, and affordable. Most medications need to be taken at least six months to a year, after complete resolution of all symptoms, otherwise the risk of returning symptoms is much higher. This can be hard for many patients to accept until the science of brain receptors is fully explained to them, which I make a point to have informed consumers. It’s your brain and body after all!
The other common reason why medication may not work is substance use, namely alcohol and marijuana. These drugs can not only undermine the effectiveness of medications, but over the longer term worsen the very psychiatric symptoms that need to be treated. As a result, I ask my patients in such cases: What symptom(s) are you trying to medicate with drugs or alcohol? That way we can treat the symptom using the properly prescribed medication.
As they say in the television advertisements: “Talk to your doctor.” Make sure your specific questions are answered. That way you will know the answer to the often-asked questions: “Am I on the right medication and how do I know it is working?”
May 15, 2018
How Are You Feeling? Take a Minute to HALT for Your Health
Hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? Taking care of these needs when they arise helps us feel better physically but can also improve mental and emotional wellness. Read Cyndi’s most recent article in GoodTherapy.org entitled, How Are You Feeling? Take a Minute to HALT for Your Health.
May 7, 2018
Is Your Teen Overwhelmed? Help Them Learn Stress Management
Did you know that 1 in 3 teens will meet the diagnosis criteria for Anxiety by the age of 18?
Many teens are faced with trying to balance school expectations, get into college, deal with pressures from family and friends, and plan for who they want to become as adults. Often times they are managing hormones, a changing body, relationships, and very intense feelings. It can be hard for teens to even recognize when they are struggling and even harder as a parent to identify if your teen’s behaviors are normal or could become potentially problematic.
The adolescent brain is still developing until the age of 25. In a way, this is good because they are able to learn new things and be excited about their achievements. However, it can be challenging since adolescent brains are susceptible to risky and dangerous behaviors. If you have spent any time talking with teens you can easily see their brains are still figuring out to manage impulses and emotional reactions. Add stress and anxiety to the equation and the likelihood of not making great choices increases.
It is so important to help arm our teens with more efficient ways of managing stress while theirbrainsare developing to help set them up with better copings skills for a more productive and positive future. Teens that are better able to handle stress while in high school will be able to incorporate these techniques in college and even in their future careers.
Teaching teens stress reduction techniques is helpfulfor these reasons:
Increase concentration
Reduce nervousness and self-doubt
Stay focused on the here and now
Reduce negative thinking
Increase physical health and immunity
Increase empathy and regard for others
Stress management can be done through basic Mindfulness techniques. If you are interested in getting your teen engaged in mental health support to address their stress and anxiety, the trick is to make the expectations for therapy as positive as possible. Normalizing the process, reducing the stigma and encouraging engagement are all attributed to better outcomesin therapy.
Angie Harris, MA, MSW, is a therapist with Insight Into Action Therapy. She specializes in helping adolescents manage the teen years. She is certified in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction and incorporates this technique in her work. If you are interested in seeking services, give her a call at (703) 646-7664 ext 10 or visit www.insightactiontherapy.com.
