Ruth Miranda's Blog, page 5

Summer living and the art of taking it easy - popsicles to keep your cool

Let's keep this one nice and short, shall we? I'm about a week away from leaving on hols, Mercury is retrograde (yay!! My mojo is back!), tomorrow is supposed to be a scorcher, which we have avoided so far here in sunny Portugal, contrary to Northern Europe (but no, there's no global warming at all), and I'm spreading myself too thin, as I always do. Sometimes I just really want to take a break, sit down on my couch, laze and do absolutely nothing worth while at all. No work at all. I have been avoiding this mood, or giving in to this mood, but truth be said, I haven't managed much work either.

Summer break is always hard, there's a bored kiddo in the house complaining of nothing interesting to do, and I end up taking breaks here and there to go for long walks with him, which, honestly, are very good for me, as I spend so much time seated I no longer know how to walk. But so far, I've been able to cram in most of what I feel I need to do. I have been writing in the morning, and if some days the word count is ridiculously low, others it turns out to be pretty high, so all good there. The story needs a bit of a breakthrough, there are still some issues I need to polish, but so far, it's coming along nicely to its finish. I am very happy with my Mordred, as I am with Arthur. Merlin too, I think I managed to give him the layers I wanted, and Morgan is also turning very good. I just have a bit of an issue with certain other characters, but will get to it. Will get closure for them all. The afternoons I've been using to polish and edit older work, and that's going fine too.

And I have managed to keep up with my exercise routine, both mornings and afternoons, along with the daily walks, so I got that covered too. Sure, I don't have my day as well structured as when the kiddo is at school, but I make do. I've even managed to snag a few shoots for the blog and cook a few yummy bites that are deserving of being shared here. Nights are for reading and resting, hanging with husband and son on the couch, lazying about with a good book, or reading with the kid before he turns in. So all in all, not too bad. I shouldn't put myself down so much. After all, I have been doing most of what I set myself to do, first place. It's not like I'm absolutely giving up on everything. But I do intend on taking it slow once I'm on vacation, depending on the weather, of course. I'm in sore need of lying on the beach soaking up the sun, walking down the shore, taking strolls at sunset with all the ease of Summer time. And popsicles. I'm in need of popsicles.

Like these easy and very yummy ones, that use only about three or four ingredients. They're quick to put together, you only have to wait for them to freeze, and are such a treat on a very hot day! I did use homemade yogurt, but hey, store bought will do the trick nicely, even yogurt that is vegan will do. So here's how:two natural yogurtsabout 50 grs dark chocolateone cup of frozen cassishoney, if you want to sweeten it - but you can use sugar too!On a bowl, whisk together the honey and yogurt as well as you can. Add the chocolate, coarsely chopped, and the cassis. Stir. Pour on the popsicle moulds and freeze. Eat. Repeat. Enjoy! Kiddo helped develop this recipe, so it was only fair I had him as a model, don't you think?

Finishing what you started, getting lost in new worlds, being haunted by story ghosts - chocolate soda bread sounds right, don't you think?

These have been a few eventful weeks, personally. After working on the Blood Trilogy - third and final novella will be published early September, so if you're a fan of the previous two, keep your eyes peeled, the wait is almost over! - I have found it so hard to get back to my Arthurian tales. Not that I'm no longer in love with the story and the characters, I am, and I so want to write (one of) my version(s) of that tale. I want to get right into it and have it run as smoothly as the first two novels on that trilogy came into being. But this third and final book on the series is proving a real hard to crack nut, and I haven't been swept back into that world, those characters, since I stopped working on it to pen down SCARS and MARIANNE - after having promised myself BLOOD was going to be a stand alone!

I don't know why this happens, it's not the first time either. When I was writing "Commoner", the final book on The Preternaturals Series, I was afflicted by this very same ailment. I simply could not write it with the ease and flair I had been immersed in the previous instalments. Is this something that happens when I come to the end of a series? Is this normal? Maybe I don't want to finish my stories? I have been accused of it, because I tend to write open endings all the time, which seems to be a faux pas this days, and readers do get VERY upset with that. I also don't do happy endings, or happy ever after endings, at least. Good lord, I am so wrong for today's reading market! But this isn't the largest worry in my mind, right now. The fact I've been having such a hard time moving on with my WIP is. I have the whole story in my head, the whole plot, I know everything that is to happen and how it must happen, and yet...

I seem to be having difficulty putting all those plot lines into actual writing. Why? The same happened before, like I mentioned, but eventually, one day, a mental breakthrough happened and "Commoner" was written. It's the one book I wrote I have read the least times, so I'm not even sure if it's actually any good. It's not because I don't like it, on the contrary, there are some plots there which are my fave in the whole series (Ash and Val, anyone?) but it's just so final. Maybe that's it, then, I can't deal with being done with my own stories? Only that didn't happen with MARIANNE. I swear this was the fastest I wrote a book. Marianne took all of eleven days to pen down. It took far longer to edit and re-write certain bits and pieces, also had to move chapters around in a way it blends in with the previous two books, but the actual writing of it, the first draft? It was a breeze. "Commoner" wasn't. My current WIP isn't. A struggle, both of them.

But there's one thing in common about these two novels that did not happen with MARIANNE. Besides them all being the last books in their own series, when I was writing "Commoner" I already had the first tendrils of my Arthurian saga flowing round my head. I already had two main characters, an entire opening scene written in my head, a plot of sorts. I also had my Arthur, my Morgan le Fay, my Mordred (does it show he's kind of my favourite character in arthurian lore? Have always wanted to tackle Mordred.) I had all this, but there was still the end of The Preternaturals to wrap. My head was torn two ways. And I did have a hard time removing myself away from the new story budding in my brain and force myself back to the old one. Eventually, it happened, and I know the same will happen now again, but took its time and I found myself writing the skelletons of a story with hardly any emotion at all, a very rough rough draft, like a summary of what was to be the story. 

I'm not torn two ways, now. I'm actually torn three ways. While I know I need to push myself back into the Camelot frame of mind, I find myself still mildly attached to the settings of the Blood Trilogy, and it doesn't help that so many of its characters interlope with this Arthurian saga too! And as if that was not enough, my head has been brimming with ideas for a... you guessed it, new story. This one a departure from my usual meanderings, as it does not deal with paranormal fiction nor urban fantasy, this one is high fantasy alone. Sure, there's magic, and a quest, and witches - sort of - but there's no vampires, and no Maledectum, no mention of the world of preternaturals I created for that first series and have kept up throughout the rest of my work, after those first four books. This story does not pertain to that world. This one comes from a world my head started playing with thirty years ago to the date. How weird is that?

Yes, thirty years ago I came across two albums by what were my favourite bands back when I was fifteen, sixteen, and those two albums planted the seed for something I never thought I'd one day come to write. There were many stories in my head, infused by those two albums, back then, I even remember starting to write its very first version, I had the characters all line out. I've searched for the notebook where I jotted it all down, just out of curiosity, but it no longer exists. I do remember the main character was called Michael, and one of his side kicks was inspired by Japanese Samurais. I only remembered this detail recently, as I was writing down the set of characters my mind kept vomiting for this new version of the story that has been taking root in my mind for the past thirty years. I remembered because I was creating a character inspired by samurais again. How quaint these things always sound to me, that I go back to the same basis for my stories, again and again. They have lived so long in my head, The Preternaturals Series for instance, was there from my early twenties, and that one saw numerous versions of it written down, until I came to that final story. It happened with my need to pen down a rather fantasised version of the arthurian lore, and it's now happening again, with what may come to be a tribute to the band I've loved the most throughout my life. I hope it does. But in the meantime, I need to finish what I'm working on.

Whenever I find myself feeling depleted and lacking the will to keep working, whenever I'm a bit disillusioned with myself and the world at large, I tend to turn to bits and pieces of chocolate. And soda bread, that has a small measure of chocolate inside it is like a slice of heave being handed down in the morning, good enough to set me straight for the rest of the day. So here you go, a soda bread with dark, aromatic chocolate in it.50 gr rye flour100 gr strong bread flour50 gr spelt flour100 finely ground oatmeal50 gr mixed oats and grains with seeds and dried fruits1 tsp soda bicarbonate1 level tsp salt50 gr roughly chopped dark chocolate1 egg2 plain yogurts50 ml of milk with a dash of cider vinegarPre-heat the oven at 190º.Place the different flours on a bowl, add the salt and soda bicarbonate and the chocolate. Mix well, so all the dry ingredients combine. On a separate bowl whisk the egg into the buttermilk, and then stir the liquid mix into the dry mix with the help of a fork. Once it starts to bind, pour onto a floured surface. Using your lightly floured hands, pat the dough and bring together without kneading, forming a rounded ball, and move to a baking tray covered in a sheet of baking parchement that has been floured. Use your hands to flatten the dough into a disk and with a knife score the top into whatever design you prefer. Bake in the oven for about 40 to 45 minutes, and allow to cool on a rack before serving. But do indulge on a slice when it's only just warm, so the chocolate is oozy and yummy.

The culture of ME, ME, ME and a mix of roast nuts to go with it

I'll keep this short today. The photos did not come off as I expected them - which has been recurrent, lately, I'm starting to think there's something wrong with my camera, because one year ago I was taking much better photos. It's when I transfer the image to my laptop that I can see how terrible the picture is, colour and lightwise, because on camera it looks pretty good. And then, there's no amount of editing to salvage it. This was actually the best I could get, and every single photo has been coming out like this, no matter how much I work with my settings, especially because on camera they look pretty amazing. If there's a problem with the darn thing, I fear it may be the end of this blog, as I cannot afford a new camera. Not that this would be a great loss.

Because, honestly, does any one still read blogs? I know I've stopped reading about 90% of the blogs that just three months ago I still faithfully gobbled. With the excuse that I'll read it later, or I don't have the time right now, I've been leaving behind many of the blogs I used to flock to every morning when I did my rounds of social media. Most times, I just can't be bothered. Can't be bothered wasting my time reading and applauding and leaving comment after comment that will have no return. My time has become far too precious for me to waste it supporting people who couldn't care less about supporting me. And frankly, most recipes these days don't even grab my attention - not even gonna talk about style blogs, I think I still read one or two, but because of the person behind it, not the fashion. These days, if I want a specific recipe, I go to Pinterest. No longer am I wastinga way reading blog after blog and leaving thoughtful feedback there. And I am pretty sure I'm not the only one. I think blogging is hitting an all time low.

Actually, I think this happens across a lot of social media platforms. You go on facebook, for instance, and yeah, I don't even get the posts of people I follow and want to interact with on my feed. I need to click on their profile to get to their posts and give feedback. Who's got time for that? I don't. Most times I have no idea these people have posted stuff that might even interest me, unless I remember to go to their profile. But the advertising, ooooh, that keeps stuffing and cluttering my feed, So I tend to spend very littel time there. As I tend to spend less and less time across social media in general - unless we're talking Pinterest, as I don't interact at all through it. I can spend hours there, just merging into mages and feeding my imagination. A black hole, trust me. We are more and more focused iupon ourselves, at every waking moment, all we care is ourselves, our personal exposure. We'll share this person's post, congratulate that other on their achievement, shoutout and tag this and that one, just so they feel kind of forced to do the same in return and we can get more likes, more clicks, more visibilty. US, US US. It's become a crazy circus. And I'm just as bad, my instagram feed is mostly about me, me, me. My food, my books, my woes, my life. ME.

If we have a business that pretty much depends on exposure and getting our name out there, I mean, this makes sense. It's what ends up happening. So once in a while I feel like I need to pull back, and really get to myself, tend after myself away from this constant pressure of being ever present and available to others so they will be to me. I mean, I'd love people to flock to my blog or my insta because they genuinely like my work, not because they want me to flock back to their feeds. But that's not gonna happen, so I'm taking a break with roast nuts and chilled wine - it's hot out there! You'll need:250 gr mixed nuts1 egg white + dash of water1 tsp salt1 tbsp dark muscovado sugarcayenne pepperturmericpaprikaground cumindried chivesPre-heat the oven at 180º. On a bowl, mix the nuts with the spices and the sugar. Whisk the egg white and add the water, whisk again. Pour over the mixed nuts, stir together so you coat the all. Line a baking tray with baking parchement, pour the nuts into it and spread them out. Roast until they're caramalized and golden in colour. Allow to cool, then break up the nuts, place them in a clean bowl and add the salt. Mix around and served with a chilled beer over good conversation. Such a treat!

The end of a cycle, adapting to changes, getting back on the horse - zuchinni oven fries to make transitions easier

These past two weeks have surely flown by! And not in an easy, breezy manner, at all. Last week was my son's final one at his current school, next year he starts at a new cycle, which means changing schools. So it was a bit of an emotional one, saying goodby to some of his school friends who won't be attending the same school, saying goodbye to a teacher who's been with him for the past four years and that he adores, the school party, the grades, the excitement of holidays, it was all a powder keg waiting to explode, and of course it did, explode in a few tears wrapped up in his mother's arms, while she joined in the fun - I am far too emotional for my own sake aha!!

It's been turmoil and chaos, lately, hard work and crazyness, time seems to just run through my fingers while I get nothing done - honestly, when I look at all I've tackled week to week, I do wonder what on earth have I been doing with myself that I managed to tackle so little!! But the truth is, in the end, we all do what we can. I don't know about other writers, but I seem to have such a hard time saying goodbye to certain stories, certain characters, and plunge into other plots. I've been going through that lately, it's been very hard extricating myself from my Blood Trilogy! Although I was happy to have left it alone after writing "BLOOD", which was to be a stand alone novella, the moment the idea for "SCARS" came into mind and changed what I had thought I'd do for "MARIANNE", I was wrapped up in that universe to the point of obsession.

I mean, I just can't seem to pull my head away from the Nilsson twins and their story, from Marianne Stirling and Nora Bell, and plunge myself back in the lives of Arthur, Morgan le Fay, Guinevere and Merlin. It's been vary hard getting back to writing while I'm still living inside another story and can't cut the chord binding me to those other characters. Maybe I'll be able to sever myself from them once the final novel is done and ready for publication, I'm already on the final re-read, formatting has been handled - took my a whole day of banging my head and things going wrong, as they always do - the teasers are made, the graphs too, all it needs is being put out there, but that'll have to wait until September. It will alsoe be my last release of this year, and in a while. I have eight books out already, and honestly, promoting them all has been such hard work, I've been neglecting some of them. If I just keep putting books out, it will only pile up, so I'm taking a break to market those already available and even out any new releases through a larger amount of time.

And to have new material that eventually deserves to be released, I need to get back to writing. Right now, I think my mindset has been rather silly - after the Blood Trilogy, I got it into my head I will never ever write anything this good, with characters that are this great. See, they're all so flawed, so weak and so strong, damaged and hopeful. They're survivors and fighters, but also weak and damaged,  self centred and selfish, but capable of intense acts of love and loyalty. I really like these characters, and the plot of the books, I also love the way I've written them, and don't think I can ever produce anything as good. So I've been holding back on my writing, and have been scared of going back to another series that perhaps won't live up to this one, mostly because it uses characters that are part of world wide imaginary - everyone has their own version of Arthurian lore, right? It's been hard to convince myself I'm doing a great job there, and doing those characters justice. Hopefully, I can get into the right mindset and go on with it, because I want to dive into another project that's been haunting my head lately.

As for now, I'll leave you with these, my latest addiction. Oven baked zuchinni fries. I can't seem to get enough of them, they're so addictive! You may notice I have no photos of the finished product, that's because they just don't last long enough for me to photograph them, me and kiddo gobble them down piping hot. And they're just so easy to make, all you need is:1 large zuchinni, sliced thinlyras-el-hanoutsaltcayenne pepperturmericpowdered garlicolive oilCover a baking tray with baking parchment. In a bowl, mix the zuchinni slices with the spices and olive oil, then spread them over the baking parchment. Bake on a pre-heated oven at 170º until they're looking crisp and bubbling away, allow to cool for a few seconds - or burn your fingers and tongue like I do - and serve. They are addictive, so be warned!

When the right words don't come and writing is torture - Man Tou to help wile away the stress

Oh what a strange week I've had. Well, not strange, per se, but it wasn't what I had planned or envisioned. After finishing off my Blood Trilogy, even though the third and final book still needs to go through line edits and a couple of final re-reads before I tackle the formatting for it to be publish ready, I was quite eager to get back to my Arthurian saga, as I'm one volume off from having it completed. Not that it's publishing ready, this is one work I am keeping for next year. But I was really eager to get back to it and take up the story where I left it, spin it further, immerse myself in those characters. I was eager to do that, and as Monday came round, it was with wide-eyed wonder and itchy fingers that I opened the doc and settled down to write. But nothing came. Nothing. Came.

It was the strangest thing! I had - still have! - the whole story in my head, ready to be written, but words refused to come, the right words, the proper ones. Everybody and their mother says first drafts are not supposed to be perfect, and one must not wait for the "perfect words" to come, well, I beg to differ. A first draft MUST be perfect, in the moment you're writing it. The right words need to come, as in those must be the right words for that moment, in order to get you going and start typing away, lost to the world, eager to get that story out and into paper - or screen, as it happens. This needs to happen, or else I'm just wasting my time, and that's basically all I did. For three days, I wasted my time putting down words I knew were completely innapropriate, approaching the storyline in a most improper way, one I was aware I would later end up getting rid of, with not a single line to be salvaged. This, for me, is a waste of time, and it is not how I work, actually, I can't work like this. If writing those words is akin to torture, then they are the wrong words and I must not write them.

Make no mistake, when I start re-reading - usually straight after I finish writing for the day - I will change a lot of what I penned down that day, and every single re-read and edit will have me changing words and lines and the way the story goes. My first drafts aren't perfect, nor supposed to be. But when I get down to work on that first draft, the words I put down at that time HAVE to be the perfect words for that moment, the ones that sweep me away. If I'm just jotting down crap like "this character here does this and says that and moves like this wand thinks like that", it doesn't work for me. We all have our writing methods and what works for us, mine is this: words have to be perfect for me to be immersed into my writing. If I find myself struggling with the words I'm writing, this means they're wrong and I must not force it. But it's so frustrating when you want to write a story and your mindset is not quite there! It's so frustrating when you want to push on with your work but can't find it in you do do a proper day's work! This was how the week was going for me. Every line was basically crap and a torment to put down. Words did not come at all.

See, I wasn't back to Camelot, despite finding myself inside Avalon Hall - like I said before, some of the characters on the Blood Trilogy interlope with my Arthurian saga, they're present in both. When I closed my eyes it was still Marcus and Caius I was thinking of, not Artuír or Mordred. I wasn't back to this story, still clinging to the previous one, I needed to sever myself from it. Like breaking up a relationship, it is. Some are easy to do, others take a bit longer. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to my Nilsson twins yet. It was a messy break up, I think, and closure was not at hand - insert laughter. But I finally managed. One morning I sat down, and Artuír's wedding to Gwenwhyfar just flew out my fingertips. Morganne's delivery of Mordred into Morien's treacherous hands came out easily. Galahad's love for his king made it's subtle appearance in how he was ready to step aside from his passion just so the man he most admired could find solace in a woman he did not love. It was all there, and with the right words. There's a whole chapter I will have to delete, because I wasted three days writing something I knew was absolutely wrong for this story, in a tone that was not the correct one, with all the wrong words in it, but at least I was back there, in this story, with these characters.

I don't know how long it's going to take me finishing this series, but I know I'm on the right path now. I hope to have it done by the end of July, early August, as I leave for my hols, but seeing my son is off from school in a week's time, I'm aware writing consistently will be difficult with him around. But I'm eager to put the story to paper, to get closure on this too. See, I already have a new story stretching its tendrils into my imagination. I even started a new Pinterest board with inspirational images for this new story. And I want to get to it. But this won't be like the Blood Trilogy, where I can press hold on my Arthurian saga to get it out of the way, because those were novellas. No, this new idea is something that needs a bit of work, a bit of study, a bit pf pondering. Long hours making up plots and storylines in my head. And for that, I must be free from all else, namely, no persky Yseult barking up my tree, no heartbroken Morganne, no power crazed Morgause, no love stricken Artuír and especially no envious Mordred seeking revenge on a naïve Emrys. Those voices need to be silent for me to focus on this new idea. And the only way to do it, is let them bleedn out from my hands into the screen. Which I will be doing presently.

And to help fuel me along, nothing better than Man Tou. I'm positively addicted to this, I must confess. My husband makes the most delicious Man Tous I've ever tasted, and I could gobble down a whole platter of them. But then I'd roll, not walk, so I try to be wise and partake of one, two at the most, which isn't easy. If you try them, I'm pretty sure you'll understand what I mean. Here's how to:10 gr fresh yeast125 ml water250 gr flour20 gr sugar1/2 tsp oil - sesame works fine hereDissolve the yeast and sugar in the water, then mix the flour, oil and water together until you have a coarse dough. Knead to the point it's become silky and elastic, and let it rest for five minutes. On a floured surface, with the help of a rolling pin, roll the dough into a rectangle, then fold into three (first fold one third length wise, then the other third over this one, like folding a letter.) Roll the pin over it again and brush the top of it with water. Now you want to make a roll out of this dough, as you do for scones, then with a cutter divide it into eight to ten portions. Place this chunky portions on cut squares of baking parchement and place them on bamboo steamers, or any kind of steamer, really. Allow to rise for twenty minutes, then steam them for fifteen to twenty minutes. You can serve them just steamed, of fry them off on hot oil, which honestly I prefer. They go great with sticky pork ribs or dunking oriental sauces. Addictive, they are!!

Pineapple pa si to sweeten the mouth after one week straight in hell

This week is the kind of week I can't wait to be done with. It's been a very stressful and tiresome one, and there have been moments when I simply just wanted to throw everything up in the air and give it all up, know what I mean? It was supposed to be a great week, because I was launching my latest novella, book two in the BLOOD Trilogy, and I was really excited for it, although a bit anxious and scared - I always am a bit frightened about how my books will be received by audiences. And this one I was far more jittery about. I don't really know why, but this book had me on tenterhooks.

But even through my fears, I prepared everything to get it out Monday morning, both ebook and paperback editions looking pretty good. To my surprise, only the paperback option was made available. I was aware that it can take a bit longer for the ebooks to upload, so I resigned myself to waiting, but then the wait became too long, and unbearable, especially because the ebook was live on UK market but not any other market. So readers from all over the world weren't getting their copies, because KDP simply wasn't publishing the ebook. I tried to contact them several times, and de lack of response only added to my already over the charts stress levels. I just wanted to give up the whole thing and hide in a corner.

The - not so - funny thing is, I had lots of reservations about this book, from the start. It started with the story, I don't think I've ever edited a book as much as I did this one, cutting whole chunks, changing them because they were too personal, they were too explicit, too graphic, too upsetting. I know I always say there's a lot of me - unedited - in Unnatural, especially in one of the MC's, but SCARS dug deeper into my experiences and my past, it was far too personal, I didn't want to exposed all those demons in such an explicit way. So cut I did, and edited away. Then came the reservations because of the cover. It's explicit, yes, and raw, and blunt. Some people may even find it offensive, upsetting. But it's the only one that made sense. The one that best tied in with the story.

I wrote BLOOD inspired by the image I used on the cover alone. The story was born from that photo. It was supposed to be a stand alone novella, with perhaps a prequel being done later this year. But life happens, and so it turned into a trilogy of novellas I suddenly had a very clear image of in my mind. I knew how the stories were supposed to run, how the plots needed to be handled, the characters that were about to come in, everything. And the covers. I knew what I wanted for those covers. Had the whole thing in my head. See, I needed them to have a common thread, those covers: blood, hands. And I needed each one to report to one particular MC in the trilogy. BLOOD's cover is all about Marcus. SCARS' focus on Cai, even if the plot is pretty much about the two of them, as was the previous novella. MARIANNE, well, it had to refer to Marianne herself, obviously. Hence the choice.

But even though I had settled for the cover, edited to exhaustion, re-written as much as I could, I was still so much on the fence about this book. And I needed to face those fears head on: the fear that BLOOD being so different from my usual writing style - even though under the same genre - I was afraid SCARS fell back into my normal contents (there's sex, there's love stories in the plot, there's a bit of romance, all things missing from BLOOD) and the readers who have raved about its predecessor might end up HATING this one. I'm still very afraid of that, actually. So maybe I jinxed this novella on my own, and the hitches it went through only to get published have been a result of my own jinxing it. All I know is it's made this week feel like a slice of hell pie and I can't wait for it to be over. But on a good note, a few copies have already been sold, and I'm hoping readers will love it as much as they did the prior book.

To help things along, and because I needed a distraction from books and writing, I joined in again on Kimberly Espinel's Instagram challenge. I know, I'm hooked on these, and am not sorry! So far, we're on week one and already I've been seeing the most amazing entries and stunning captures. For day one I chose a photo of these delicious pineapple pa si my husband cooked us, because I wanted to go light and airy and also experiment with the drip shot. I managed to get a few, and am surprised at how good they actually came out, I expected them to be iffy and all, but they're quite alright!! I even made a GIF of them!! Look at me experimenting with so much newness! If you're into to food styling and photography I seriously cannot stress enough, join Kimberly's facebook community, join these challenges, it's really fun and worth it!

So without further delay, here is the recipe to this little piece of heaven that is pineapple pa si, I'm serioulsy addicted to these!!
For the batter:150 gr flour1 egg1 tsp baking powder1 tbsp cornstarch1 pinch salt100 ml cold sparkling waterone pineappleFor the syrup:
6 1/2 tbsp water10 tbsp sugar4 tbsp honey1/4 coffee spoon vinegarHeat up a pan with vegetable oil. Cut, peel and slice the pineapple into small chunks. Mix all the ingredients for the batter, and dunk the pineapple in it. Fry it in the very hot oil until golden and crunchy. On a pan, bring the water to a boil, add the sugar, honey and vinegar, mixing well. Once it thickens, it's ready. Don't let it caramelize, it's supposed to be clear. Pour this syrup over the pineapple and enjoy!

The self doubting game and spelt pasta for dinner

It's supposed to be a short post today, as I have a few things to catch up on before next week arrives and "SCARS" finally comes out. This has been a hard book to write, well, not to write, no, but to decide whether I should put it out there or not. Endless self doubt not being quite the brint of it, the fact is, "SCARS" got re-written way more than any other book before, only because there was just too much of me in it, too many demons of mine exposed inside those pages, far too bluntly. They're still inside it, but now in a much more subtle way. I had to get rid of the rawness of it all in order to feel comfortable about getting the book out there, for anyone to read. Also, bad criticism on the previous novella has left me rather shaken as to the purpose of my writing.

It's always hard when you have reached a certain stage where you know what your writing voice is, and you've developed it over the years and eased yourself into it, honed it down, made it yours, finally accepted this is who you are; and then someone comes around and tells you it's all wrong, YOU are all wrong, what you are, who you are is simply NOT good enough and you need to change what is your innermost essence in order to conform to society rules - in this case, writing rules. It's hard to be told your work sucks and as long as you insist on writing like that you won't get readers, you won't get praise, no one will like your work at all, and consequently you, because in the end, I put so much of myself into my books, they're basically me. It's hard to listen to this and keep going, it's hard to take this in stride and not wonder what's the point of giong on.

So yes, I have been second guessing myself as to the publishing of this book and all others that may come after, because I am aware that what I write - if not the thematics - and how I write is not what readers seek these days. I am not comparing myself to anyone, but it's always an eye opener when I go around Goodreads and see all the rave reviews about books I've read and found lacking, of poor quality, evidence of lousy writing, without spark to them, without soul, without vibrancy and magi between those pages. It always gets me thinking I probably wouldn't know a good book if it hit me in the face, and I'm the one who's wrong, because if those books get all those amazing five starts reviews and I'm the only person thinking they're a piece of crap, then I must be wrong. And so my writing is all wrong. And it won't reach audiences nor resonate with them. So what's the point?

The point is, in the end, I'm probably delusional and believe my work to be so much better and of so much more quality than these other books that never fail to astound me as to their absolute crappiness. The point is, even if I stand alone in my belief of what I write and how good it is, I do stand by each and every word I've ever written. And I put it out there, only to please myself, only in the hopes that somewhere, someone is going to read and understand what I did there, someone is going to read and the words will resonate with them, someone is going to read and love those lines beyond anything else. Someone will see what I see. So the book is getting published after all the to's and fro's, even when I'm scared shitless of its contents and its cover, even when I'm a hundred percent sure most people will not understand that novella at all, and will take it for something it's not. I keep telling myself it'll be alright, I will be fine even if I get trailblazed by bad reviews and horrid criticism, and I will, in the end I am always sort of alright. It will hurt as it always does, though.

What doesn't hurt, ever, is fresh pasta. I just can't get enough of it, there's just something so rich, so comforting about fresh pasta. This one in particular, as it's spelt pasta, was one of the best I ever tried. Kudos to my husband, he's the pasta man, not I. This is is recipe:300 gr spelt flour3 eggsPut the flour into your food processor and add the eggs. Blitz until you have a silky, smooth dough. Roll onto a ball, flatten it out and wrap in cling film. Take it to the fridge for a minimum of half an hour. Once that time has elapsed, it's ready to roll out and use as you like it. You can use it for lasagna, canelloni, fettuccine, spaghetti, you name it. There's a nuttiness to this I believe comes from the spelt flour, it's just so rich and lush, I can't get enough of it. Do you like fresh pasta?

Writing methods, writing styles, pleasing a crowd - pie will do!

My writing method is complete madness. There, I've said it. I go around reading blogpost after blogpost on how to be an effective, prolific, better writer, and sift through the contents trying to finda any validation at all inside what I read, but I hardly ever do. Not where it comes to the do's and don't's of the writing business, in all their glory. I have no idea what it is to have a first draft written, from start to end. I have never had a first draft written. Halfway through writing something, the first fifty pages are already on the third draft stage, the following ones on second draft, and only the writing I managed to do on that specific day is a first draft - that is until I do a re-read, a re-write and an edit before I finish up for the day. My writing methods, much like my writing voice, are weird.

Take my Arthurian saga, for instance. I've been writing that for how long? A year? Less than? Can't quite remember, I think I started writing the first few lines to it when I was just about to wrap up The Preternaturals Series. At the moment, I have two entire volumes on that saga written, and am one fourth into the final volume. The two first ones are probably at fifth draft stage. Because I keep going back, re-reading and re-writing them, picking up the nuances and the details I need to write the following volumes. That first book on the saga has seen more re-writes than I can even remember. It's had chapters moved from start to middle, characters brought in, characters taken out and then brought back, scenes deleted, scenes added, you name it. As I'm on my way to finishing Blood Trilogy, I'm already considering another re-read just to get myself reaquainted with the story. A re-read usually means a re-write, with me. So book one will get a refresh, book two will also get one, and by the time I get to book three, probably all I've written in it will need to be changed. Crazy, I know.

Some people might say I allow myself to get distracted in the midts of working on something, it's probably true. I do get distracted, but by stories so pressing they need to be written, lest I really go mad with the countless voices in my head demanding my attention. Soem voices shout louder than others. It happened with the Blood Trilogy, those voices were high pitched. The twins needed to be set loose on paper, Marianne needed her story told. Funny thing is, a couple of characters from my Arthurian saga have transpired into the Blood Trilogy as well, although they have strong storylines in that other work. But they demanded a new plot be given them, and so I did. There's even mention of a couple of characters from The Preternaturals Series there too. It all ties in, in the end, like Stephen King's imaginary world of the Crimson King and Gilead. It all ties in. At least in my head. So when the Nilsson twins came into my mind, I knew they weren't going anywhere before I wrote down their story. Now I'm close to the end of it, and can hear the callings of Morganne and Artuír once more, can hear Yseult and Emrys demand attention.

I kind of wish I was one of those people who can focus on one thing only at a time, I can't. I even wish I could sit down and write a story from start to end without constantly going back and changing, re-arranging stuff in it. I'm not. There is a method to my crazy, believe me, and it is how I work best, so I'll keep up with my own way of making do. After all, I have been told so many times I must change my writing style, that my sentences are too long, my paragraphs too big, my wording too emotional and purple prose-ish, you'd figure I would have changed things up by now. But I'm the stubbornest mule in the pack, and even though I know most readers will detest my writing, find it boring and confusing, not understanding quite what I'm doing there nor the purpose of my books, I refuse to change. It is, after all, what makes me who I am. Once a critique partner told me that exorcising one's demons does not make for good books, readers want something that entertains them and I just bore them. This may be true, but I've come to the conclusion - as bad as this may sound - I write not because I want to please readers and gain an audience, sell books, receive rave reviews. Although praise is heavenly - and as a writer of course I need it, long for it, whatever writer tells you they don't is lying - I write because I must. I have to. In my own way.

This of course, has nothing to do with pie. But I love pie and wanted a vegetarian one, so here it is. Mushrooms, squash, bell pepper, it's got loads of yummy stuff, and that crust, hmhm, it's heavenly. Want to bake one?For the crust you need:200 gr flour 150 gr spelt flour100 gr butter or magerine150 to 200 ml water1 tsp saltaromatics of your choiceMix the flour, salt and aromatics on a food processor. Add the cubed butter or margerine and pulse until you have a sand like consistency dough. Pour onto a bowl and slowly add in the water, mixing with a knife to combine everything together. Once the dough comes together and looks smooth, wrap it in baking parchement, form into a ball and let it rest in the fridge until you're ready to use it. The longer it rests, the better.

As for the filling, you can use these:
1 small butternut squash, deseeded and peeled, cut into small chunks3 medium sized carrots, cut into small chunks1 large cup of mushrooms, chopped1 lcup of haricots verts - I used frozen ones1 red bell pepper, de-seeded and chopped1 small turnip, peeled and cut into small chunks1 onion, sliced3 cloves of garlic, slicedolive oil, white wine - just a glugsalt, cayenne pepper, herbes de provence, all spice and nutmeg- a dash of eacha glug of balsamic vinegarTake the onion, bell pepper, carrots and garlic to the stove inside a pan with a glug of olive oil and let them sweat for a bit. Add the turnip, the squash and the mushrooms. Freshen up with the balsamic and stir, allow to cook for a couple of minutes. Add the white wine, one small glass will do, and the haricots verts. Season well with the herbs and spices, cover with a lid and cook for about seven to eight minutes on a medium heat. Transfer into an oven dish. Roll the dough and cover the veggies with it. Cut a few holes in the middle so the steam lets out while cooking. Bake in the oven at 180º for about thirty minutes or until the pastry is golden and hollow sounding. Serve immediately, with a green salad on the side!

A missing blogpost and a cocktail - why am I so demanding on myself?

There was no blog post last week, as you may have noticed (if anyone even did notice at all eheh). For the first time in like ever - aside from when I'm away on summer vaycay, that is - I didn't post at least once a week. And I felt like a failure. I felt like I was letting people down. I felt like I didn't even deserve to exist, let alone run a food blog, if I failed to post at least a recipe per week. The fact is, and ugly as it may be, NO ONE CARES. Like, so what if I don't post that regularly, who's gonna care about it, who's it gonna hurt?

Well, apparently me. I'm the one who's being let down, in the end, as I have this vision of myself where I need to be able to get a certain amount of things done per week, lest I am hit with some sort of terrible curse that will destroy me - like, OCD much? - or cripple me. One of them, of course, is posting a recipe a week. That means I need to have developed said recipe, cooked the dish, photographed the set, edited the pictures, and written the post. Once a week. Which is not much, frankly, there's a world of food bloggers doing this DAILY! How come I failed? I kept beating myself up for having failed. I didn't sleep because of that, last friday night. That's how sad I am, lol.

But the truth is, this blog is more and more of a hobby each day, a place to vent off certain frustrations and stuff that's on my mind, a place where I can just let go and be me, with good food thrown in because I happen to like food and photographing it. It's not going to be a profession, ever, a bread winner for me. It's just a diary of sorts, a journal, a way to keep up and keep sane. Because right now being a writer is what actually brings a bit of money in. So it's only natural I tend to focus a lot more on that, and this month it has been hectic. I began writing another novella and next time I looked, it had turned into a trilogy of novellas, and have been focusing mainly on this.

So, yeah, I didn't have time to style and shoot the food I was cooking all these weeks, although we had some rather delicious treats as well. Writing "SCARS" was taxing, but fast. Writing its sequel has been heartwrenching so far, but so satisfying. My mis occupied solely with this, no space left for other stuff. I've been promoting my novels like mad, also. Or trying to. Food blogging took a huge step back in my to do list, and last week it didn't even come into it. But the truth is, I love styling shots, and I missed it. So last weekend, and after a rather tiresome week, I was in need of a wee cocktail, something refreshing and sweet just to ease myself into a bit of a relaxing mood. This was it.

Bear in mind I did this with what I had in the house, and I happened to have a very portuguese liqueur, it's called Licor Beirão (and this is NOT a sponsored post, btw, #ipayformyownshit), so I used it in this refreshing mix that hit all the right spots! You'll need:2 measures Licor Beirão1 and a half measures lemon juicea thick - like, very thick! - slice of lemon chopped into rough bits1 tsp dark muscovado sugartwo to three mint leaves + for garnishingiceStart by crushing the lemon with sugar, mint and a bit of ice. Add the lemon juice and stir. Pour in the liqueur, mix well, add a couple of ice cubes and the mint. Enjoy. Simple, right?

Risk taking in the writing business and a bread pudding made with croissants to indulge your wildest streak

I'm nearly done with my novella. This feels so good to say, and yet it hasn't sink in at all. I'm still too immersed within that particular world, those particular characters, to be able to let go and focus on something else. But the story is written, the first and second rounds of edits are done, the cover is chosen, the title settled upon, the promotional graphs all lined up so I can tease some interest into this story. "SCARS" is well on its way to be launched, but needs to sit and stew a few days before I do one final read and start formatting it for both paperback and ebook launches. I intend to have it out there by the end of May, early June at worst case scenario.

Once again, I'm not quite sure what happened, what took over me during those two weeks I spent writing the brunt of this novella. Much like it's older sister before, "BLOOD", which was written in two weeks as well. I don't even have a very clear idea what it's all about, yet, so haven't started on the blurb - which is always my nemesis. But I do have a very good sense of acomplishment at having written something I wasn't planning to. See, I wanted to do a prequel, not a sequel, but somehow, the bug got thrown into my head by a number of people who mentioned they would have liked to know more of this story. And one morning, I woke up with it in my head, whole scenes laid out before my very eyes, and it had to be written. And I hope it's as dark as the one before. Darker, even.

I've taken a number of risks, with this novella. Calculated ones, yes, but none the less, risks. I may even alienate a hefty number of readers because of it. See, I wanted to play around with my writing a bit, wanted to try different things, that's the only way to evolve. I wanted to keep my writing voice, which I think is a clear one, but needed to be adventurous, just like I was with "BLOOD". I took my chances there, it paid off. Not just with the writing, the choice of the cover - which actually is what gave birth to the story - was a risky one. I mean, all black and red, hands covered in dripping blood? Bit gory, right? I risked people thinking this might be a horror story, filled with guts and gore. It's none of that. It's so much a story told in the head. Because I do tend to live very much inside my own head, and wanted to somehow bring out that particular trait. Same with "SCARS", I want it to be very much a story in the head. Does this make any sense? You'll have to read it.

 One of the biggest risks I took with "SCARS" was not only the title choice, but the cover. It is a very graphic image, not leaving much to the imagination, contrary to the cover of "BLOOD", which despite its graphic imagery, begs to have you making up a story around it. Not so with this one, it is what it is. And ties in so well with the previous cover and the one that is to follow. There's the same thematics to it: the hands, the blood. All three covers have this. And all three novellas tie to one particular character more than the other, we get to live inside the head of one particular character more than  we do in the other. At least I hope so, although I think it's a bit of a balancing act when your MC's are twins. But the cover choice was not innocent, and not meant for shock value either. it depicts something that is part of the narrative. Even if it loses me a few readers because of it's darkness, it's explicit depiction of something that does happen, and that may harm sensibilities. It is a risk I'm willing to take. I stand by that choice, and stand by this story.

I also took a few risks with the writing style. It is very much in line with its predecessor, of course, but I wanted to play around a bit with certain things. I wanted to play around with what is considered a sure tell sign of poor writing. So there's a bit of literary no-no's in this book, and I am not sorry. They are meant to be there, it's purposeful, but I know there'll be readers who will simply assume I can't write properly and should have it edited and fixed by professionals. Even if I did, these things would still be there, because I wanted them to. The excessive use of adjectives, for instance. It's there, throughout certain parts of the narrative. It illustrates the essence of one of the characters. At least that is what I meant it to do, whether it worked or not is another story. Also the head hopping. Meant to, but I am so aware it poses a huge risk, some readers might end up far too confused and not understand what the heck is going on. But you have to take risks. When I wrote "BLOOD" I risked a lot in the way it was written, and the way it ended. I have tried to do the same with "SCARS".

So now that I have worked so hard these past few weeks, I thought I deserved an indulgent treat, in the form of a croissant pudding. With buttery croissants, sweet strawberries, oozy dark chocolate. Just the kind of treat to greet the weekend with. You'll need:
2 and a half croissants - either puff pastry (recipe here) or brioche (rye brioche here)2 tbsp strawberry jam (wild berries compote here)butter - it's your choice how much you use in the bread!half cup chopped strawberrieshalf a tablet dark chocolate, at least 70% cocoa 2 eggs1 tsp vanilla extracthalf a cup dark muscovado sugar2 cups of milkSpread the inside of the croissants with butter and jam, spread half of them on a baking tray. Scatter half the strawberries and half the chopped chocolate over it. Spread another layer of buttered and jam covered croissants and scatter the rest of the strawberries and the chocolate. Beat the eggs with the sugar, add the milk and the vanilla, pour over the croissants. Allow to sit and infuse for about half an hour then cook in a pre-heated oven at 180º until it's golden and bubbling away. Do not be me, and forget about it so when you take it out of the oven there's a healthy blush of nearly burnt croissant on top. We managed to just avoid that. Let it cool for a few minutes then serve and eat while you read one of my novels and unwind. Yes, it is the ultimate treat, I know