Ruth Miranda's Blog, page 3

Subverting the writing rules and risking being misunderstood - a soda bread with seeds to prove not everything is what it first looks like

Last week saw me finishing the first draft on my current wip. It's the second volume on an epic fantasy trilogy - a genre I've often wanted to tackle, have attempted and given up, as I seemed to be distracted by other shiny new ideas, including a mystery novel, a vampire series and a dark urban fantasy trilogy. The elusive epic fantasy was left behind inside a forgotten folder, in all its (non) glory. I opted for writing and publishing in English, in order to reach a wider audience - so sue me! - and the epic fantasy was in Portuguese, hence the dismissal. I've also gone off dragons big way, and yes, you guessed it, it was a dragon story... But the thing is, that little bug of the epic fantasy novel, has always been inside me. From an early age, that has always been the thing I've wanted to write. I've mentioned it before, and say it again. The seed was there from my childhood days, my early teens, but got stronger when I was fifteen and listened to a certain Iron Maiden album that has sparked the idea for the story I'm now commiting to paper. It's a story I've mused on and plotted in my head since I was sixteen and jotted down the first few foundations of it - none of the original cast of characters remained, nor did the world it was set on, but the main idea is still there, and the main goal also. It's just suffered the changes time and age are bound to bring. Last year, I decided it was about time to try and write it. I tackled book one and part of book two during 2018, right after having finished writing the dark urban fantasy and a paranormal historical fantasy series, so to say my brain was tired is putting it mildly.

Still, I was ready and eager for it. And am quite satisfied with how it's turning out. More than satisfied, I'm bloody proud of it. Despite having amassed every single faux pas in the epic fantasy department into one single series. Because half way through writing it, I decided to read a lot of blogs on fantasy novel writing. And they all said pretty much the same things. How awkward it was to realise I had done all the things those blogs told you not to do. For instance, I used a Norse setting, in my world building. Well, not vikings and what not, but there's a trace of that. Worse, I used Finland as major inspiration - and one particular blog stated no one wants to read crap like that anymore! But everyone knows I have this thing for the land of a thousand lakes, and frankly, a thousand lakes (or thereabout) were necessary for my storyline. Then there's a chosen one (I can seel the eye roll from here). Ugh, not another prophecy bound young bloke who is destined to save the world because a seer said so! Sorry, not sorry, but yes. A prophecy exists, named the bloke as the only one who could save the world, and he is the chosen one because the seer said so. You don't really think it's as simple as that, do you? Prophecies can be other than that, it depends on how you interpret them... But I guess the worse no-no I managed was - besides having a large-ish cast of characters and several POV's (apparently you can only do this if you're George R.R. Martin, according to writing advice blogs) - naming the characters similarly! Yes! I have done that (I can see the horror stricken faces from here). Suffice to say they're a family of eight siblings and their parents were oddly unimaginative where it came to names, so they all sound alike and are written alike. Although it was done on purpose, I am well aware this is one of the things certain types of readers will pick on and point out as a writing no-no, therefore naming me a lousy writer and the book utter crap. Aside the immensitude of other 'bad' things I threw into this storyline - unlikeable characters, men who demean women, sexism and what not, people who come into sudden magical powers and actually know how to use them, you name it. I did it all and it was quite consciously. I know I'll get heat for it.

The fact is, I don't think I'll ever publish this series, at least under my own name. The fact is, I do feel a lot of readers have a very hard time differenciating a character's behaviour and beliefs from the author's morals and lifestyle. If my characters are conceited arseholes who treat women as their property or a minor thing they can use and dispose of, doesn't immediately mean this is what I believe in. Then why would you write that? you ask. First, because these people exist. Second, because it's part of the world building, the context in which the characters grew up, what they were taught, what they were allowed to believe. Third, because I get tired of perfect characters out there, those who can do no wrong and are immediately loveable and relateable. I want to push myself and actually write characters I can't relate to, in a way to force myself into other mindsets, other beliefs, other morals. I want to expand my mind and my knowledge, and I want to explore the immense spectrum of thought that humanity has. I want to start by not quite liking my characters, but diving so deeply into them that I begin to see where they come from, why they are how they are, why they act like that, why they believe those things. And then I want to fall in love with these characters. If I manage to make readers love them too, that's a plus. But I want to explore their flaws, their failings, I want to get inside their head, where they believe to be right, where they believe they are the good guys, where they believe they're the heroes of their own stories. Every villain is the hero of their own story, I once read, and this line resonated so much in me. So I wanted to write the villain's own story. And I have fallen in love with it. Even though there's all these tropes and cliches and writing faux pas in my book, I do think I've twisted them round enough to make something new. If anyone else but me understands this, it's a bonus!

Like this bread. You'd think this is a complicated, labouring kind of bread, the kind that has to proof for days, or be kneaded until you can no longer feel your arms. And you'd be wrong. This is a basic soda bread recipe, pimped up by the use od seeds and loaf tin. It looks amazing, it tastes amazing, and yet, it was simple and easy to bake. It's not quite what you'd think at first sight, and I like to believe that's what happens with my books. But here's how you can get this delightful bread done:250 gr flour100 gr oatmeal50 gr mixed seeds1 tsp soda bicarbonate1 level tsp salt2 natural yogurts50 ml buttermilk1 small cup of seeds - we have a pack of mixed seeds but you can use whatever you preferStart by preparing the buttermilk in advance, fifteen minutes in the least, by mixing a dash of cider vinegar or lemon juice to 50 ml of milk. Once it's ready, turn on your oven at 190º. On a large bowl, mix the flours and the grains with the salt and the bicarbonate. Prepare the buttermilk, yogurt and egg mix by beating the egg lightly and then adding it to the yogurts and the buttermilk, mixing the lot thoroughly. Now, with the help of a fork, whisk the wet mix into the flour mix and stir everything together. Once it starts to come together, lightly flour your hands and a cold working surface and pour the batter onto it. Pat together until you form a rough ball, but do not knead it. Transfer the dough onto a loaf tin lined with parchment paper and flour, and sprinkle the seeds over the surface, pushing them slightly into the dough. Place in the middle of the oven and bake for about forty to forty five minutes. Allow it to rest at room temperature before attempting to take it off the tin, then you're good to go, dive in and be happy!

Plagiarism, formulas, and the fear of difference - a soda bread that became something else

This week, in the wonderful world of overall publishing, has been marked by the scandal of plagiarism. It started with one author discovering one of her books had been copied and plagiarised by another author, and calling this other one out, demanded she took her book down. Said author appologised, proceeded to comment it wasn't her fault because she'd hired a ghost writer to write that book, and said ghost writer did the copying and plagiarising, she had no idea of it, she was an innocent, a victim, a poor little girl lost. The plagiarised author came to discover this lady had been ripping off other authors in other books, so I don't think the lady with the ghost writers was that innocent, after all...

If plagiarising wasn't bad enough, there's the ghost writer angle, making everything even murkier. For me, personally, this is shocking. This is fucking appaling. You want to see your name in print, on the cover of a book? You want to be known for having written and published a book? Then bloody write it! How can anyone dish about having written a book and sold so and so copies, when all they did was pay another person to write it and put their own name in the cover? This isn't writing. This is scamming, ripping, lying, tricking the reader. This isn't something you should be proud of, this is something that should steep you in shame. You did not write a book. Someone else did it for you.

A couple of years ago, when I started joining FB groups for writers and authors, I was taken aback by an exchange I witnessed in one of those groups - which I've since left. One fellow author was complaining about low sales, about not knowing what to do to increase her sales, and someone else told her to keep writing and publishing, the more books she had out there, the more she would sell. The woman mentioned she was juggling two jobs and with kids of her own to raise, being a single mum, she hardly had enough time to sit down and write. Enter another member of the group, who introduced himself as a ghost writer and offered to ghost write her books, for a moderate fee. He even mentioned he'd been ghost writing for another author who was fast becoming a best seller in Amazon, and as he was about to let go of her, for he had schooled her already on the formula in which she must write to get those results and she was now ready to do it for herself, he was looking for a new client.

The formula. That says it all. There's a formula out there for a book to become best selling. If you manage to write by that formula, with all the elements required, then your book is good to go, people will read and love and want more. Point is, you're writing the same crap day in, day out, you only change the settings and the characters names. I know this, because I have been reading quite a few novels under this formula - they tend to go free on Amazon, and seeing I can't afford to buy books at the moment, I do go for free reads if only in the hopes I discover some gems. Which I have. But mostly, I've been served crap that reads the same. This is what readers want, we authors are constantly told. You must give the audience what they want, in order to succeed, every other writing blog shouts at us. But what readers don't seem to understand is that they're not being challenged, if all they read is the same book time and again, they're minds are not being challenged, their world is not being rocked, their innards are not being shaken, their hearts are not being moved.

What they are is being formatted. Their brains are being formatted into wanting only that, into being able to enjoy and comprehend only that, and anything that deviates from the formula, well, they can't handle it and in fact they tend to loathe it with a passion. Like witch hunting in fact. All you need to do is go read some reviews on books that deviate from said formula so you can see the level of passive agressive violence used in those comments. But I ramble. The issue here was plagiarism. And the ugly thing about it is there's a lot of it going round. A well known, best selling writer came forward to stand up against this, and she's making use of her voice - which reaches far and loud - to make this known. As someone who sells perhaps one or two copies a year, I couldn't be more grateful she's doing this, as I haven't the power. Heck, I have no idea if there's any plagiarism out there on any of my books, I doubt it, they're really small fish and carry no weight. But there are others who've been victims of this. And maybe they don't carry enough weight to stand up. So it's really uplifting to see there is someone who is big in the business ready to stand for those who have no real voice.

Anyway, all this to say that having a formula for things is good sometimes. There's a recipe for soda bread, and sure, I follow it. But then I start throwing in stuff, and changing stuff, and adding or mixing ingredients that weren't supposed to be there, and all of a sudden, I've completely deviated from the formula and came up with something utterly different from what I started out with. Something different, but equally nourishing, equally delicious. It's just different, and doesn't go by the recipe, nor by the formula, so it's mine, I created it, I made it. Not a ghost baker. Same goes for my books, and so many other writers work. They made it, they created it. Is it different? Yes. Does it go by the formula? Does it obbey the rules? Or falls away from the status quo? Why are people generally so scared by difference, so afraid to take the plunge and embrace something that falls out of their comfort zone? Because that is what makes you grow. I wish more writers threw the formula into the wind and started writing something that's theirs, that's new and different and fresh. Maybe minds could grow, all over the world, and tolerance too, and acceptance. Maybe we could all gain from it.

So, this started as a soda bread, a regular one, of course. But somewhere along the way, this became a dark bread, full of yummy stuff, rich and dense and flavourful, nourishing and filling. It doesn't even taste of soda bread, but it doesn't mean it's not good. It's a different bread, and one that I'm sure will make your tastebuds sing and leave you comfortably ready for the day ahead, if you do have it for breakfast. It'll provide the right amount of energy, the nutrients and the flavour. It will make your mornings better, and if you do partake of it for one of those laid back, indulgent dinners of wine and cheese, it is the perfect addition to some stilton and some cheddar. It goes well with those because it stands up to the strong tang, but it's also mellow enough to not overpower the cheese and allow it to shine. I won't even tell you how good this bread is with orange marmalade or thick, syrupy jams. I'll let you go ahead and try for yourself...

Here's what you'll need:100 gr spelt flour100 gr rye flour100 gr oatmeal50 gr bran50 gr mixed oats and grains with seeds and dried fruits2 heaped tablespoons ground roast barley1 tsp soda bicarbonate1 level tsp salt1 egg2 plain yogurts50 ml of milk with a dash of cider vinegarMix the milk, vinegar and plain yogurts and allow them to rest for at least fifteen minutes. Turn on your oven at 190º. On a large bowl, mix the dry ingredients with the salt and the bicarbonate. Beat the egg lightly and add it to the buttermilk, mixing the lot thoroughly. With the help of a fork, whisk the wet mix into the dry ingredients and stir everything together. Once it starts to combine, lightly flour your hands and a cold working surface, pour the batter onto it. Pat together until you form a rough ball, but do not knead it. Transfer the dough onto a bread tin lined with parchment paper and flour, sprinkle some more flour onto the top of the bread and sprinkle a few seeds over it, patting them into the dough. Take it to the oven and bake for about 40 to forty five minutes. Let it cool on a rack before cutting, enjoy it anyway you prefer. It's a treat while still lukewarm!

When what you see isn't always what you get - fifth anniversary on the blog and a surprise treat

This month marks the fifth anniversary of this blog. That's a lot of recipes, a lot of photos, a lot of trying and failing and sometimes succeeding, isn't it? A lot of testing and eating yummy food too. It's not been an easy, always cheeful ride, it hasn't been all that joyful, but it hasn't been hell, or I wouldn't still be here. At the end of the day, it's been the perfect place to experiment and play around with things, be it the styling, the photographing, the editing, even the cooking. It's also been a place where I can vent and rant at my heart's content, and that, in a world that sees venting and ranting as negativity, has been priceless. My place, my rules, my rants. Those who don't want to be associated with it, there's so much more to entertain them online, isn't there?

There isn't much more to say, about this blogging adventure. Have I come a long way? Have I grown? Have I evolved, gotten better, am I doing a better job? Ah, see, this is NOT a job. Frankly, I have no idea whether my photographic, styling and editing skills are any better now than when I first started, they must be. Some evolution must have happened, I guess - I photographed in AUTO when I first started, so there you go! I think what has happened is I've come into my own. I've found my personal style and ended up sticking to it. Playing in what most people will consider to be a safe zone, a mediocre, average creative zone. I don't stand out, but rather go by unnoticed. And yet, when I look at my images here or on Pinterest, they warm my heart. There's this sense of comfort and pride that I did that, I created that, and this is why I persevere, this is why I'm still here. In the end of the day, it's all that matters, that I do myself proud onto my eyes, that I am enriched by what I make.

As for marking the date, and seeing I've been run off my feet with other issues in life than this blog, I had prepared these photos way in advance. I knew just how I longed to mark the date, and I wanted it to be festive and pretty, but also moody and eerie. I longed to have something that captured the essence of what and who I am, and also the essence of this blog. Somewhere between light and dark, with a sense of home and of hearth, a cozyness to it, an atmosphere of magical possibilities and the safety of one's home. I wanted it to be a fairytale come fantasy adventure, a passage between the lush possibilities of the unknown and the comforts of what's familiar. All wrapped in a festive mood, of course. And so, this is what I came up with. This concoction, which is very much like me.

Something that, at first sight, will lead you to form an opinion, think it's one thing. But then, as you dig in, plunder through, turns out to be something else, entirely different. In the end, it does make sense, and you come out either horrorised or entranced by it. You either love it or hate it. Pretty much like me, really. There's no mid term, either you like me or you loathe me. And I'm never what you think me, at first sight. Like this beauty. There you are, thinking perhaps it's cake, I've brought you a celebratory cake, after all, it's the blog's anniversary, and there is always cake! Not if you know me well enough. I'm not really a cake person, despite having marked every other anniversary on this blog with a cake or other. This time, I decided to do just what I excell at, just what I like best. And as you should know, that's not cake. It's bread.

Yep, this is bread! It's a sweet soda bread, and one of the best I've baked so far. So here's the recipe:250 gr flour100 gr spelt flour1 tbsp bran1/2 cup dried cranberries1/2 cup blanched, peeled, roughly chopped almonds50 multigrain and oats mix - the one I use has dried fruits and nuts as well1/2 tsp ground ginger1 tsp chinese five spice1 tsp cinammon1/2 tsp brown sugar1 tsp soda bicarbonate1 level tsp salt1 egg on the large side2 natural yogurts (125 gr each)2 tbsp cider vinegar1/2 cup blanched, peeled, whole almonds for decorationPre-heat the oven at 190º. Prepare the 'buttermilk' by adding the cider vinegar to the yogurts, and let it rest for at least 15 minutes. Line a round tin with baking parchement. Place all the dry ingredients inside a large bowl and give it a stir with a fork, mixing everything thouroughly. On a separate bowl whisk the egg and the yogurts together. Using the fork, stir the wet mix into the flour. Once it starts coming together, pour over a floured surface and use your lightly floured hands to bring the dough together. Shape it into a round ball and fit it into the tin, dusting the top with more flour (use whole spelt, it will add a nutty crunch and flavour that is to die for!). Place the whole almonds on the top of the bread dough, pushing them gently in with your fingers, in the design you prefer. Bake it in the center of the oven for 40 to 45 minutes, and let it cool before you start cutting. Enjoy with some homemade jam, or butter, it is a sweet treat you'll be thanking yourself for trying!

January is for hibernating - a red berries and vanilla cake to read a book by

January is always a rough month. It's usually cold and wet and so long, with no respite whatsoever from the daily grind. It's also the one month I long to hibernate, like a good old bear, I dream of returning to a primal mode and just lurk under the blankets for the whole month, hidden from the world and life in general, pretending there's nothing out there for me. January really has me feeling tired and dispirited the moment it begins.

It is also that month when I crave some comfort. Be it in the form of fluffy throws, warm jerseys, bucket-loads of milky, hot tea, a cup of hot cocoa, some cake. Yes, it is the month I long for these types of respite, in the drinking or eating form, to pull me through when I really don't want to do anything other than moan. But being the month that follows that well-known disaster that is holiday eating, I tend to pause, stay away from indulgence, say no to these comforts.

I turn to soups and stews, braised anything, curries and slow cooked pans full of goodness. Roasts are a must, and to add interest, or pretend I'm having something indulgent and sweet, I add fruit to my roasts. Figs, wintery tomatoes, apples of every kind, mandarines. It quietens the cravings, it distracts the brain, it adds warmth and cosyness. I still crave for cakes, though, so enter the crumbles, or just a tray of baked fruit scattered with oats and nuts. Nothing fanciful nor too indulgent, but that does help do the trick. But then somedays, I really want cake.

Like this one. It's a simple, rustic, unimpressive cake. It does not want to be other than that. Because it packs loads of flavour, and that's what matters, really. It's light, but also dense. Fragrant and just the perfect amount of sweet. With lots of fruit, it carries an acidity and a sourness that cuts through the sweetness and makes it moore-ish, lustful, delightful. A cake that goes well with a piping hot cup of tea and a good book. While I sit on my couch, hidden under my comfy throw, hibernating away from the dreary January world.

So here's the recipe:175 gr flour175 gr butter175 gr brown sugar4 eggs - separated1 1/2 tsp baking powder2 tsp vanilla extract1 cup red berries of your choiceStart by turning on your oven at 180º and lining a loaf tin with parchement paper. Separate the eggs, whisk the whites into stiff peaks and reserve. Cream the butter and sugar until fluffy and pale, and add the vanilla extract. Blend well. Start adding the flour (with the baking powder) and the egg yolks in batches, making sure each one is well combined before adding the next batch. Fold the berries into the cake batter and mix well. Finally, gently fold the egg whites, you want to keep all the air in so the cake's soft and light. Pour into the tin and bake for about 45 minutes, or until the skewer comes out clean. Indulge yourself, on this cold, dreary January!


Featured book is "MARIANNE" by Ruth Miranda

Edits, re-writes, self doubt and black cassis scones to see me through the day

It's been a very cold month, so far. So cold, I find myself freezing, as I sit at my desk going over endless rounds of edits on a trilogy that has had me going round like crazy for a while. I find myself craving all the hot drinks: every kind of tea, all the hot chocolate, piping hot roasted barley drinks, you name it. I want cosy, I want warm, I want silence and restfulness, so that I can focus my mind and work.

It hasn't been all that easy, to focus. I haven't touched my WIP in a month - give or take, as I did have a strange attack of ze muse midway through December and had to jot down an entire scene that wouldn't leave my mind. I find myself worried I can never go back to it, I've lost my mojo, I've lost touch with those characters and that story. Thankfully, I made sure I have it all stored away, on notebooks, on character sheets, pinterest moodboards, it's all there to help me get back into it, once I'm ready.

That is, once my Arthurian trilogy has gone through the current rounds of re-read, re-write, edits, I found myself needing to do. Since the moment I wrote the last line on the last volume of said trilogy, I haven't touched it again. Stored it away for good measure, put it out of my mind, simply because the voices in my head were no longer those. I had new characters inside me that shouted to come out, so I needed to give them people my undivided attention. I did just that, put away the others and focused on these nagging voices.

But then one day, I woke up with a need to get back to Camelot. I woke up with a desire to see if it was any good, what I'd done there, or if there were any salvageable bits and pieces. So I knew I had to get back to it, go through the entire trilogy, reassess all I'd done there, check if it was any good. The first thing I found out was scary. Both the first two books were huge. I mean HUGE. Over 170000 words. And they still are. I've combed through them with as fine combed a tooth as I could, and they still are enormous.

It's what always happens to me, I write way too much. Everyone who purpotes to know their beef around the writing, editing and publishing world keeps on about how you shouldn't leave a scene or a chapter or even a paragraph in your draft if it doesn't advance the plot. I, stubborn and stuck up as I am, beg to differ. I find it essencial to have those bits and pieces where the plot is not advancing, but the characters are closely shown to us. Like diving a little into their souls, their minds, their cores. I know this is a bit contrary to genre writing - which, in the end, is what I do, because of all the paranormal aspects of my stories - and more in line with literary works, where the insides of the characters are what matters most, some books not even having a plot.

So I found myself with a bit of a problem, because, if book one and two are huge, book three... not so much. Currently at 164000 words, I am aware - and was, at the time I finished it - I'd overlooked stuff, and left out entire scenes I needed to have in it. But those other voices, the story for another book, it kept luring me with its siren call, so I had to do what I did. Now, as I'm going through book three, I find myself having to add bits and pieces to the already existent chapters, and trying to figure out where the scenes I know I left out may fit. All the while going through the tedious process of constantly thinking no one's ever gonna like this, but me...

Not so with these scones. These won't be nay-sayed by anyone, I think. They're so yummy, and delicious, pipping hot and lathered with butter or jam!! Here's how to get them:60 gr sugar340 gr spelt flour30 gr margarine20 gr butter1 egg1 dl milk2 tspoons baking powder1 tspoon salt1 egg yolk1 scant cup of frozen black cassis
Sieve the flour and the baking powder into a bowl, add the rest of the ingredients and combine, gently kneading all together - do not knead it like bread, just amass the whole together until it binds. Pour it on a workbench that has been lightly floured and roll the dough into a sausage. Cut the roll in even pieces and set them on a baking tray covered with baking sheet. Beat the egg yolk and swab the scones with it (add a little water to make it easier) then just bake them on a pre-heated oven until they're blonde. Let cool over a wrack and enjoy them with a cup of tea and a little butter, or a lot of butter!

The Edible Christmas - End of year round up and brigadeiros

It's that time of the year again, when we stop for a few heartbeats to take stock, make a balance, ponder on the twelve months behind us. As I started re-reading through this blog's files, searching for a reminder of what my year was, I came away with the realisation it was a rather good one, on many aspects. In the midst of what may seem or sound like despondency and under achievement, bitterness and failure, giving up and quitting, I find the thread that tells me it was exactly the opposite. This was a year where clarity finally came my way. Where I finally focused on what I need to focus and placed everything else on the backburner, so I could advance with what makes me happy and fulfilled, and that is writing. Not selling, not getting tons of reviews, not publishing, but writing. That first line, that first chapter, that first draft. Then re-reading through it all, wincing at the really bad parts and promising to tackle them later on, heart speeding at the really good ones and assuring myself that I am good, after all. I am talented enough to do this. It was a year of realisations about my own self worth, and the way I see myself. It was a year of successes, even if I only noticed them now, right at the end. It was a year that sped by with so much work done, on my own, with no safety nets, no one's help. A year where I took control of what matters to me and worked on it to my own satisfaction, to my own growth, a year where I am proud of all that I've achieved and all I've done.


Of course in order to do this, it took me twelve months of just living through a lot of inner battles and inner struggles. I had to pull myself out of what to me were toxic environments - even those of the online kind! - and had to break all sorts of contact with people who were toxic to me, who diminished me and my efforts, my experiences, the way I deal with my demons. People who made me feel useless, undeserving, not enough and guilty because I write what I write the way I write. I had to force myself to face the fear of hurting their feelings by cutting them off my life, and this was really scary for a Libra like me. I detest conflict, I loathe hurting anyone's feelings - I'm honest to a dot, but elegantly so, come on, there's no need to be cruel when we can be gracious and still speak our minds and share our feelings - but those people and those environments were doing precisely that to me: they were creating conflit inside me. So I had to pull away. I did cut all contact with some, with others, I chose to just pull back a little, not be so present and so available, as my time is precious and short, so I'm present for those who do the same for me. I had to take this stand, and in the end, it feels good. All my life I've been catering to others in detriment of my own needs, all my life I've been a giver, and ended up depleted and with nothing left for myself. So this was the year to break that cycle and learn not to expect from others what I tend to give. Learn also not to give so much of me I end up losing sight of who I am. It was a year to place myself in front of others and understand people say a lot of stuff that isn't really true, in the end. A year where I stopped wasting my time with those who don't even deserve me.

Because my time is indeed precious, and this year proved me just that. I worked my arse off. I don't think I've ever worked so much, so hard, so intensely, my entire life. In the span of twelve months, I didn't take a break from my work - this comprises everything from writing, editing, cover designing, formatting, revising, publishing, marketing, publicising, that has to do with my novels, but also styling, photographing, editing and writing posts for this blog. I found myself going from three posts a week to two, to one, to posting on this blog occasionally, whenever I fancied, because my time was needed elsewhere, where results were coming. And that was not blogging. This year has made me realise food photography is a hobby for me, not an obligation, and it must take that place. This is another creative outlet, not a bread-winner, this is supposed to give me pleasure, this is meant to be fun, not stress me out, not worry me, not make me feel frustrated and a failure. This year, I understood this and let it sink in. Because this year, I fell out of love with the whole food blogging, food instagramming, food photography community. And I fell out of love with reading and commenting on other blogs, I fell out of love with reaching out to others, I fell left out of the whole community and invisible to the point I didn't even know if I was actually breathing. I resorted to writing as an escape mechanism, where I could hide away for hours and forget about the world out there, my failures, my lack of talent and work ethics, my inadequacy, my lack of capability to be like others, do like others, reach others and be liked by the communities I thought I was a part of.

Which was actually a very good thing. After having been presented with very harsh critiques to my work from members of the online food photography world, I fell out of love with sharing my photos, with writing this blog, with taking pictures of my cooking. For a long time I'd been feeling the exact opposite to support from what I thought were my fellow peers and my tribe. Turns out I was the one in the wrong, this was not my tribe, AT ALL. I so wanted to belong, to be cherished the way I cherished their talent and their work, to be encouraged the way I encouraged them, and failing to get that, I ended up feeling really low, frustrated, a failure, not good enough. Then, suddenly, people from other walks of life and other communities not food and photography related started commenting on my Instagram how much they liked my feed, how my photos made them drool and want to eat my food, how much the images I posted made their browsing of instagram a delight, for their cosiness, their mood, their beauty. Suddenly, I was falling in love with food styling and photographinga again. And I had a vision of what I wanted to do, in that aspect. Where the community I had so longed to be welcomed into and made a part of failed to accept me, I had found support where I never thought to look for it, and it made all the difference. So for the next year, I'll keep up the blogging schedule of posting when I feel like it. No obligations. But I'll continue to work on my photo skills. And I'll explore other avenues, routes that are mine and mine alone, not the trendy fashion of styling and photographing that happens to be hip at the moment. Next year, I'm stepping even further away of the aesthetic perfection of a well composed, well balanced instagram feed where everything looks the same and becomes sacharine and cloying after a while. Next year, I'll explore poetry and creativity in my photos, as seen by me, not what the trend setters deem correct.

It was also a year of personal growth. Of taking steps that were courageous and brave. Of facing demons and putting them out there in the world. A year of very intense work and moods. I wrote seven and a half books, this year. And published a trilogy, which for me is my most important work so far. Because there's a lot put into it, and because that trilogy tried to go beyond the mere entertainment stories I write. It was a series of books that dragged a lot out of me and woke up old ghosts and old mindsets I found myself having to fight again. It dragged me to dark, dark places, me, who am usually to be found in the shadows, drapped in darkness. But this was a different kind of darkness, and I knew I had to face it and allow myself to be smothered by it, so I could come up breathing, and changed, and having shed old skin. Ready to move on. The Blood Trilogy will always remain my most personal and significant work, I think. It was intense, writing those books, and they divided opinions right from the start. I knew they would, starting with the covers and ending with the subjects breached in those pages. But they did moderately well, and most of the people who read BLOOD have really loved it. My favourite will always be SCARS, for reasons my own, it's so cloying and obsessive, so claustrophobic in its writing and the repetitions, I wanted to showcase what certain types of minds work like, and I think I did. Most people who read the trilogy didn't like SCARS as much as they did BLOOD or MARIANNE because of it. But in the end, I did get good results. Not only with this trilogy, but from my other novels too, so it's been a winning year. Perhaps when it comes to numbers, mine are modest and very small, but the truth is, when I first started publishing two years ago I didn't even think I'd sell a book, let alone as much as I did this entire year. It's reason enough for me to be proud and pat myself on the back for a work well done, and the amazing achievements I accomplished so far. I am rather amazing, and should see myself that way more often. 2019 will be the year where I do just that. I'm no loser, after all, I'm pretty much a winner.

Like these brigadeiros. They've been a winning recipe over Christmas, but can be great on your New Year's Eve table. I played around with two varieties, chocolate (cocoa) and coconut, and can say both are to die for. The kind you can't stop eating. Here's the recipe:2 cans of condensed milk2 tbsp butter1 cup of shredded coconut1 cup of raw cocoa powder - you can use chocolate if you prefershredded coconut, cocoa powder, chocolate powder - for coating
Start by making the cocoa mix. On a pan, heat one can of condensed milk with the cup of cocoa powder and the butter. Cook on a low heat, stirring constantly, until the mix thickens enough that it allows to trace a 'road' on the bottom of the pan. When it reaches that consistency, bring out of the heat, pour into a clean bowl and refrigerate for one and a half hours, until the mix sets. Repeat the entire process with the coconut, and pour the mix onto another clean bowl, refrigerating it for the same amount of time. Pour some coconut flakes onto a deep dish, some chocolate poweder onto another, and cocoa onto a final deep dish. Bring the bowls out of the fridge and start rolling small sized balls with your buttered hands - yes, you must spread a thin coat of butter over your palms, so the mix doesn't stick to your hands. Coat each ball in either coconut, cocoa or chocolate and place them on a tray. Keep in the fridge until serving time. Try to eat just one. Nah, don't, you'll fail!

So, I hope you have a delightful New Year's Eve and that the new year brings you joy and health. As for me, 2019 is the year I'll take it slow. I'll be writing just as much, I think, it's far too ingrained in me. But I won't be publishing two, three books a year anymore. I intend to publish one novel later next year, because I want to do more work on it and the ones that follow. Seeing I already have eight books published, I figure I can take my time with putting others out there for the world to read. I still haven't found my audience, my constant reader, my target public. They're out there, and I will keep searching for those who can benefit from my work, the readers that will take something other than just mindless entertainment out of my novels. Until I do find them, I plan to enjoy the ride and the search as much as I can. All the while cooking and eating very good food!!

                                                      HAPPY NEW YEAR!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Just stopping by to wish you all a merry merry christmas, a wonderful yuletide. Enjoy your blessings and all the love, and also all the food, why not? Moderately, of course. I'll leave you with a flood of pictures of these delicious cookies and wishes of joy and health and a lovely festive season for all you wonderful people who still find it in your hearts to visit me!

The Edible Christmas - my son's gingerbread cookies

And here I am, back again for the third time in a week!! Seeing that the blog will probably go into an hiatus during the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve - except for that usual end of year post, that is! - I am packing up all the yummy recipes so that you have time to cook them up, in case you want to. These are all fairly easy to bake, and if you need a last minute treat to take on one of those never ending Christmas meet-ups, dinners, luncheons, parties that precede the big day, well, you can't go wrong with the stuff I've posted here. They're quick, they're yum, and you'll be much appreciated for bringing these along!

So, gingerbread cookies. We've all had them, we've all baked them, we've all bought them - or at least been offered a pack of them, right? They're usually snappy and crunchy, heady with spices, sweet and a little bit addictive, even of they're some of my least favourite cookies in the world. There, I've said it. I'm not much of a cookie person, unless it's savoury cookies we're talking about, but will indulge on homebaked cookies like anyone else, if we have them lying around the pantry, doing nothing, the poor things, except wait for someone to notice them. I'll notice one or two and munch on them, but admittedly won't miss them when they're gone. And if they're store bought, I will forget they even exist. Not my son.

And not when it comes to gingerbread cookies. Kiddo loves them like mad, I think these may even be his favourite cookies. For years he's been nagging us to buy dry ground ginger so he could bake gingerbread men, and this year we finally caved in. I must confess that it was pretty much my call, as not being a fan of said cookies, I am a huge advocate for bread, and the idea of a gingerbread soda bread had been playing around my head, and I wanted to bake it. Revert to the start of this week for said recipe, it is a knock out and the best Christmas-y bread you'll ever bake. So we got the kid some ground ginger, and he whisked us off into the kitchen to help him bake these lovelies.

Now, one thing must be said of us, we're a ginger loving household around here. Fresh ginger, that is. I make it a point of always having it around, especially during the colder season, as I tend to get hit by all the colds and viruses and bacteria going around. Ginger, lemon and turmeric are staples for me, as they help ease the symptoms and afford me much needed comfort. That and honey - still don't understand this proudly yelling thing of not consuming honey, but hey, gimme all the honey for my colds and tonsilitis and coughs. Maple syrup and agave just won't do the trick, know what I mean? If that makes me an unworthy, cruel and disgusting human being, well, no one said you have to like me. I'm the worst person in the world, and have always stood by it, eheh. Moderation and a brain is my motto, thankfully, being a control freak, moderation is always my thing, as for the brain, I do love mine - Hannibal feels all the way!!

Because of our love for ginger, these cookies have a whole extra layer of flavour to them, we've added a ginger syrup - yes, we have used sugar! Enter the witch hunter! - and the crystalised remains of ginger leftover from said syrup. It was just the thing to do. If usually gingerbread is my least favourite, these have become a must have for all my future Christmas. Even my mother, picky as she tends to be with certain outlandish flavours, has expressed her approval of them, stating that the best part is the fresh ginger, blaring out a I love ginger and didn't know it that left me dumbstruck - which, as you can imagine, is pretty hard to do, seeing I'm such and opinionated little lamb. Or calf. Seeing I drink cow's milk, I must be a calf. Call me calfie, then.

So, without further ado or any more sarcastic considerations on the mindless preaching of well intended know it alls, here's the recipe. (btw, I deeply admire and respect vegans and vegetarians for their choices, and for standing up for what they believe, I simply can't stand the constant preaching of certain individuals, let alone their arguments for others becomong vegan or vegetarians. To each their own, I have always had a terrible time putting up with others telling me I'm unworthy of existing if I don't live the way they do.) Here's how you can bake these:350 gr flour1 tsp baking powder2 tsp ground ginger1,5 tsp ground cinammon1,5 tsp ground all spice1,5 tsp ground fennel seeds60 ml ginger syrup100 gr butter175 gr sugar1 egg30 ml milkStart by making the ginger syrup. Simply zest a finger of fresh ginger onto a pan with sugar and 80 ml water. Let it come to a coil, lower the heat, let it reduce until you have a thick syrup. Strain, reserve both the liquid as the leftover candied ginger. Now, mix the spice mixture with the flour and the baking powder. Stir the butter with the sugar, and add the ginger syrup - just the liquid - the egg, and the milk. Pour onto the flour mix and stir it all together, kneading until you have a silky, smooth dough. Wrap in cling film or baking parchement and allow it to rest in the fridge for 30 minutes. Pre-heat you oven at 170º, line a baking tray with parchement paper, and bring the dough out of the fridge. Roll it over a floured surface until you have about 3 milimeters thickness. Cut the cookies into the shapes you want - please make some gingrebread men, they're so cute! Add the candied leftover ginger to the cookies, by placing it over the cookie dough, press a bit into the cookie so it sticks. Place the cookies on the baking tray and let them cook until golden, for about 13 minutes. Allow to cool on a rack and if you wish to, glaze them with fondant! It's a winning recipe, I promise.

The Edible Christmas - A gingerbread soda bread to make your mornings all more joyful

What, another post? In the same week? Have I lost it completely? Hmmm, nope. Things will get slower round here right after the hols, as I foresee a few busy weeks ahead, hopefully a busy year, that brings all the results. I'll be working for it, at least. Right now, I just want to share all the Christmas cheer, and post photos that look and feel cosy, heartwarming, homely and a little magical too. It brings me joy, and in the end, that is all that matters.

We've established by now how much of a sucker for soda breads I am, right? I mean, it must be the one thing I've shared more variations of in this blog, over the years. (I can't believe this blog is close to its fifth anniversary, btw) It's the one thing I truly enjoy baking the most, and one of the things I I most love to eat. Give me bread, cheese, and a good red, and I'm set. So no wonder I'm always searching for different ways to make my soda bread just a tad more interesting! - not that it needs to!

This time, I'd had an idea stuck in my head for the longest time, and I couldn't shake it, no matter what. I knew I'd have to bake this version, and share it on the blog, if it came out good. At a time when every other food blog is sharing Christmas recipes, I'm doing the same, because sometimes you just can't swim against the current, can you? Got to go with it. I've shared many a festive recipe along the years, you just have to go back to the ghosts of Christmas pasts here on the blog to find delicious sweet treats to fill your festive tables, either for the Yuletide or New Year's Eve. But there's never been a Christmas Soda Bread around here.

Think gingerbread cookies, Christmas pudding, fruit cake. I wanted this bread to fall into that category of flavours: head on spicey, but not overwhelmingly so. Something that, as soon as it starts baking, the scents wafting from your oven will immediately set a mood on you, for all things magical and bright, colourful and cosy and heartwarming. I wanted this bread to be like the softest, warmest hug, the thing to set you ready for the season, the moment you bite into it in the mornings. It also makes for the perfect Christmas Eve breakfast, you'll know what's coming straight on.

So here's my take on a Christmas Soda Bread:250 gr flour100 gr rye flour1 tbsp bran1/2 cup dried cranberries50 multigrain and oats mix - the one I use has dried fruits and nuts as well1tsp ground ginger1 tsp ground fennel seeds1 tsp ground all spice1 tsp cinammon1/2 tsp brown sugar1 tsp soda bicarbonate1 level tsp salt1 egg on the large side2 natural yogurts (125 gr each)2 tbsp cider vinegarPre-heat the oven at 190º. Place all the dry ingredients inside a large bowl and give it a stir with a fork, combining everything together. On a separate bowl whisk the egg and the yogurts together. With the fork stir the wet mix into the flour. Once it starts coming together, pour over a floured surface and use your lightly floured hands to bring the dough together. Shape it into a round ball and place over a lightly floured baking tray, dusting the top with more flour (use spelt, it will add a nutty crunch and flavour that is to die for!). Use your hands to slightly flatten the dough into a disk and with a knife score a star or a cross on top, then bake it in the center of the oven for 40 to 45 minutes. Try to resist the mouth watering scents coming from the kitchen, if you can, and let it rest for a few minutes before you tuck into it.

The Edible Christmas - Parmesan and Rosemary Shortbreads

What, another post? So soon? Has the woman gone crazy, you'll say. No, but it's Christmas and all my creative juices come alive through this season, and all I want to do is create pretty festive vignettes and photograph all the food, so you have to put up with more posts at the moment. There. It won't hurt too much, and maybe you'll even find something worth your while, here! I do love these Christmas moods, and this season, not for it's cultural or religious meaning, nor for the absolute insanity over shopping and grabbing and owning and getting, nope. It's the homeliness of it all. I am a homebody, after all is said and done. There's no place in the world I feel more comfortable or happier than home. Especially in the cold weather.

I love the putting up of Christmas baubles and decorations, and always tend to go a bit overboard with it all, but I couldn't care less. It makes me so joyful, just looking around me and seeing all the lights and the colours and the magic of my festive decor. It's all about the magic, in the end, and that light twinkling away, so warm, so golden, so comforting. For me, this is what the festive season is all about, enjoying the home, the hearth, the family - not so much the extended family, but those who happen to share house with you, and who, at the end of the day, due to the fast paced lives we're forced to live, end up enjoying less of your company or your attention than those family members who tend to live farther, but whom you remember to call and spend an hour with over the phone regularly. I find we tend to neglect those closest to us, simply because they're here, beside us.

So for me, this season is mostly about catching up with slowing down, enjoying the perks and comforts of home - so many people do not get to enjoy a roof over their heads, think about that - the introspection more than the outgoing, the lazyness more than the overworking. I really end up slowing down, these days, though it might seem differently. I'm not so rushed with putting down stories to paper, my work schedule becomes very forgiving, I do what I want, when I want, and if I want. I really take a break, during Christmas. I don't tend to do so, on Summer hols or Easter vacation, for whatever reason none of those two spell slow living and indulging like Christmas does. Maybe it's the cold, though I live in a moderately temperate climate. Maybe it's the tiredness, the need to hibernate and replenisn myself, maybe it's the end of the year thing, where I find myself taking stock of what's it been like. And it's been a mighty grand one.

It's also a season where I want to cook and bake and eat all the yumminess, where I want to get into the kitchen and try my hand at different things or old staples of delightful food. I love having assorted nibbles around my table, at this time of year, and just grabbing a bite here and there along the day. Trying not to over do it, of course, but I always want to indulge a bit more. Am so much more forgiving to myself around this season. Actually, that may be just it. I'm a very forgiving person, where others are related, all year round, but am very hard with myself all the time. Come Christmas, I tend to take it easier on me, and not demand so much, nor expect so much of myself. I allow myself some leeway, and it feels good. No excesses, I am a control freak, after all, but not so much guilt trips either. Just an all round easiness of living, of being, of going.

Like these savoury cookies. They're easy to bake, and easier to eat, make for a nice hamper filler, a delightful gift for friends and familyk, if you're into cooking your Christmas presents. If you want to try your hand at these, here's how you go about them:100 gr flour50 gr whole spelt flour100 gr salted butter75 gr grated parmesan cheese2 tbsp fresh rosemary, chopped1 egg yolkPlace the ingredients inside the food processor and whizz, until a golden dough starts to form. Pour onto a floured surface and knead for 30 seconds, until it's smooth. Wrap in cling film and refrigerate for about 30 to 45 minutes. Turn on the oven at 180º, and when the dough has set, bring it out of the fridge and roll onto a floured surface. Cut into the shapes you want, but seeing it's the festive season, do go overboard and get all the Christmas-y cutters out! Arrange the cookies on a baking tray lined with baking parchement and bake in the oven with the fan on for about twenty minutes, or until they've risen and look all golden and pretty. Let them cool before tucking in, if you can. I hope you cook these, and share with your loved ones, they make the greatest gift and are perfect appetisers with a nice glass of red!