Amy Lane's Blog: Writer's Lane, page 15

The Cat is Infected by Satan

Yeah, so times are scary right now. We all know it. We're trying to hold on to our sense of humor and keep the kids from freaking out and losing their shit--and trying to remember that quarantine and  social distancing are temporary, and that--eventually--this will all be not so scary.

In the meantime, we are all--truly--okay.

None of us are showing any symptoms, and in spite of the fact that some of ZoomBoy's favorite activities have been postponed or canceled (the choir's trip to Disneyland hurt--I'm not gonna lie. We may not even get out downpayment back) they are mostly bearing up with good spirits.

This weekend was particularly strange. It was raining outside, and, well, we don't really do much on the weekends sometimes anyway. So, it was a rainy day weekend, and I'd gone shopping Thursday (before much of the madness) and we had lots of snacks and things people liked to eat and generally what was to worry about? I mean sure--the older kids had to snag some toilet paper rolls on their way out because they hadn't gotten to the store on Friday and now Safeway was out, but otherwise? Well, they ate every cookie in the house and two bags of potato chips but left most of the flavored coffee creamer so we'll call it good.

So I think that unless anything truly exciting (and frightening) happens, I'm going to keep the blog going with that certain humor we reserve to keep us from strangling the people we love the most while locked in a very small space with them.  I had to pull that sense of humor out today when, after we returned from our solitary walk in the rain with the dogs (the dogs were grateful to crap, but otherwise feeling very much affronted) Mate turned on the TV just as I got set to wash the dishes.

"I really really want to watch Frozen 2."  Our kids are too big to get excited about sequels--and they're old enough to read reviews and the reviews sucked. But Mate and I were sort of excited about this one, so, even though I'd planned to try to be productive...

You know, it wasn't bad.

I'd gotten up to go wash dishes afterwards, and while I was there...

He'd started Brave. 

Which is a favorite.

I sat down to watch it with him--we have sort of a rule that if we're watching something the other one loves, we don't mind if they stop household chores, so there's no nagging and no blame--and he... got up and washed dishes for me.

Which I can't really complain about. And I'm grateful for. But since I'd tried twice to do it, I'm going to argue it was dirty pool.

So that's it. ZoomBoy needs to make up his homework. Squish asked for art supplies. I confess, I may be staying up later and later and later just to find time alone to work. Walking the dogs is going to become a family exercise so that our arteries might not harden in the next two months. And we all recognize that the cat has been infected with Satan and we may have to avoid him as he bounces off the walls, the other cats, and our heads.

But I'm pretty sure we're not going to eat him, and I'm super sure we have enough supplies for the next week so we don't have to eat the children either.

All in all, we're doing okay.

And I'm hoping you all are doing the same.

Fitz and the Tantrums

So-- very quick post tonight, just so you all know I'm alive.

Mate and I bought the tickets months ago--Fitz and the Tantrums--we'd seen them once in a festival, and fell in love. Not just the awesome melodies, but their stage persona is just stunning. (I've got a youtube video here, but it doesn't capture half of the band's charisma--Michael Fitzpatrick and Noelle Skaggs are incendiary!)



Anyway-- they were playing at Ace of Spades, which is a Sacramento institution, and we enjoyed every minute.

Two things about the performance--

One, Mate and I were standing very close, but the music was very loud, and I have to admit--  Fitz was doing it for me. Oh my God--rock stars are my candy, and he was SWEET to watch. So I leaned over and whispered in Mate's ear, "You know my laminated card with five names?"

"What?" he shouted.

"You know my laminated card with five guys I can have sex with?" I shouted back--just as the music died and they prepared for the next song. It wasn't loud enough for the whole place to hear me--but the people in our immediate circle all turned their heads.

"Yeah!" Mate shouted back, oblivious. "I know. He's on it."

I nodded and the next song started and now many strangers know I'm a total ho bag for a rock star. But Mate forgives me, so whatever.

And the second thing--at the end of the show, which blew everybody's mind, Fitz said, "Remember to treat each other with love, respect, humility and kindness. It's the only way to get through this world."

And I loved the music and I loved the band, but that just cemented the deal for me. I've heard a lot of people talk about kindness and then turn around and act like dicks--but this guy, in his art, in his music, in the way he talked about his band and the band they were touring with, was a class act--and so was Noelle, who was the soul of that band if Fitz was the heart.

So we may end up closing down the entire city for a while--the Kings game was cancelled as people were sitting down in the arena tonight. But I got to see that concert and it reminded me that there's still a lot of good in the world.

We could all use more of that.

When the Universe Uses a Cudgel

So, tonight I finished my Long Con book--I'm a week behind deadline, but only a week, and it's 82K and it was like writing a ballet set to techno pop and I love it.

*whew* Anyway-- I'm submitting that, and I'm so excited, but it's not the only thing going on today, and the other thing was sort of grim.

Given that Mate and I tend to deal with grim and sad things with a super dark sense of humor, I'm going to tell this to you all in the hopes that--because you know me--you won't be offended by the end.

As you know, Mate's father wasn't doing well. Last night he passed, but it wasn't a surprise, and, while sad, Mate's grief is mostly internal. Last night--before we got the news, we went to see Onward, which is about two brothers working to say goodbye to their father, because they get one day as a gift from magic, in order to do so. It was a beautiful movie, and Mate and I sobbed through the last third of it.

Today, when Mate got home from taking ZB to a King's Game (a thing I sort of arranged because I think he needed ONE of his children to want to go with him) we sat down to watch television.

We watched Zoe's Extraordinary Playlist, which dealt with two fathers--one who had passed and another who has a deteriorating disease.

And we watched The Rookie, which dealt with an absent father who passed away, leaving a character to deal with an alienated half-brother.

We got to the middle of The Rookie, and Mate said, "Is it just me or..."

"Oh my God, honey, did you know your father passed away last night? Because I think the fucking universe is trying to tell you something!"

And I can't even explain to you why the two of us just dissolved into laughter. But we lost our fucking minds. If anybody is communing with the universe, tell it that we got the message, but next time its free to text us as well.

Fascism

A good friend of mine posted on Twitter that "If you're not with us, you're against us!" is the siren call of fascism. I was interested--in case you haven't guessed by all the Crucible posts, I've been witnessing a situation in which the LAI (Loudest Assholes on the Internet) have gained control of an organization I used to love. Watching their rise, the way they've twisted what I know to be true, and their current regime--and it is a regime, make no mistake--has chilled my blood and broken my heart.  If you haven't read the full text of The Crucible--do so.
If you haven't read up on McCarthyism--do so.
If you're a movie person, The Crucible is out in two passable (but not excellent) films, but there's also Good Night and Good Luck, and Trumbo, both of which I've seen and if you haven't, you need to.
The insidious thing about McCarthyism and witch hunts is that the loudest people want the power--"If you're not with us, you're against us!" as a rallying cry gets people with them damned quick. But they pick a cause that everybody is sort of onboard with. For this example, we'll use witches, because witches--at least the way they were represented in Puritan society--were bad! Not misunderstood romantic heroines but terrible creatures with multiple nipples who liked to eat dead babies. When the loudest, most shameless people in your community scream, "KILL THE WITCHES!" you're like, "Oh, okay--my bad. I didn't know they were a problem, but definitely--they're evil, I'm on board!"
You don't realize you're being manipulated. You think you're being a standup citizen. You have good intentions. And then, by the time you realize that the people screaming don't give a FUCK about witches--they're calling out witches so they can have someone's property, or get out of being caught for something bad they've done, or get revenge because those so called "witches" are living their best life--you are LOST. Because by then, EVERYBODY is screaming "WITCH! WITCH!" And the loudest manipulators--they're afraid of getting caught. One word, one whisper, one sideways look, from you indicating you know what's up--they went dancing naked in the woods and they don't want to get whipped, or they want their neighbor's property or their neighbor's husband or their neighbor's sheep--and they're going to call you out, and you are fucked. Not just because there's a trial, but because you lose everything. One wrong scream and there goes your reputation, your family, your property--and that's if you're found innocent.
And nobody is found innocent in a witch hunt.
Nobody. 
I've talked about dichotomous thinking--and this is it. I've posted some posters here featuring propaganda from the Red Scare--and one satirizing the Red Scare in the wake of 9/11--and make no mistake. These posters, these misrepresentations of the truth, this is where that kind of thinking leads.
So, what do you do with all of this?
Remember--if anyone says to you, "If you're not with us, you're against us!" they are not your friend--they are your bully.
If "You're not with us, you're against us!" escalates, sometimes standing up to the bullies will only get you beaten. Lay low, get the fuck out of Salem, and if you've got an emotional attachment to the place, maybe come back eventually and try to pick up the pieces. The bullies certainly won't.
If someone asks "Where do your sympathies lie? Are you friends with so and so, a known witch? Are you still? Could you tell us how witchy they got? All the details. If you're not truthful, we'll know YOU are a witch too," this person is not your friend, and this organization is not something you want to belong to. Again, now is the time to leave Salem--it's not a friendly sort of place.
If someone says, "Well, we're not fascists, but we want to eradicate all witchcraft and all witchy thoughts from the world," well, A. That's the definition of fascism, and B. It's impossible. Telling people they will be beaten for sympathizing with witches will only breed fear. Fear breeds hypocrisy. Hypocrisy breeds revenge. Seriously--get the FUCK out of Salem, because the torches and pitchforks are coming for you next. Also, I understand there's beer in the next town, and Salem has never been fond of beer.
Remember-- and it can't be said enough,
WHAT IS POPULAR IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT; WHAT IS RIGHT IS NOT ALWAYS POPULAR!!!
If you find yourself waving a torch and a pitchfork and doing something heinous to someone who was once your friend, good luck forgiving yourself in the next five years-- you have officially sold your soul. 
And that's it. That's my rant on fascism, McCarthyism, and witch hunts in general. 
In completely unrelated news, I've resigned from the RWA. 
Make of that what you will. 

Meow Meow Meow...

So, I came into my writing desk last night at around eleven and Dewey was sprawled on a pillow by my feet, and we had the following conversation.
"Meow," I said, scratching his great carpet-like floor.
"Hello, human," he said. "Are you enjoying your evening? I am enjoying my evening. Ah, that is nice. Scratch my belly some more--mmm... ahhhh.... why thank you. Yes, yes I do enjoy my food, why do you ask? Oh!" He flips over to his front and stretches. "Speaking of which, do you see my bowl? Yes, yes, follow me. Yes. See my bowl? See? Isn't it beautiful? But, alas, empty-- ah. You do understand me, human. Thank you. Nom nom nom..."
And after that was over with, I went back to work, and back to bed around two. Now, when I go to bed, I play a few minutes of phone game to disengage my brain from words. (I know that sounds weird, but I will loop a story I'm reading or a story I'm writing all night as I try to sleep if I don't sever the connection. Boring math based games--every time.) So there I was, playing Merge Dragons, when I hear a familiar jingle-jingle-purr... and here comes Nebula. 
"Hello, buddy," I say, trying to pet him with one hand.
"Purr-purr-purr--that thing! That thing in your hand! I don't like that thing! Pet me! Both hands! What is it? What is that thing? Let me chew that thing! Purr-purr-purr--and pets! Pet me! Both hands! What is that thing? I don't like it? Wait I like it! I like it to chew! To rub my whiskers! Now put it down and pet me! I love you! I love you! I'm rubbing your face because I love you! I love you more! And more! Now love me back! Oh yes! I love you so much! I love you so much I must curl up between the two lumps under the blankets and purr. OH, look, they wiggle. Hello wiggling lump. Do I know you? Never mind. I shall knead the blanket  write on that wiggling lump! Oh, hello! I love you wiggling lump! Good night!"
"Night Nebula," I mumble.
"Night strange cat that walked on my face and my ass and poked me in the rump," says Geoffie. She is very confused.
And I roll over, eventually, and my hand finds something warm and furry. I scratch it and it purrs and I think, "Ah, this is my night to be loved by--"
Steve scratches me. "Bitch, keep petting."
I do as she asked. "Sorry, Steve."
"I got my fat ass up here and you're going to just sleep? I don't care if it's five a.m.--pet me, dammit, pet me!"
"Wish, command, you know..." I mumble. 
Eventually I fall asleep, hand still buried in her ruff, and I guess she let me live.
The next morning, Mate kisses me goodbye. "Did you get a good night's sleep?" he asks. "Did you get lots of work done?"
It's ungodly early. "There were cats," I tell him, squinting.
"Cats? Well, they're all in the front room now. You can sleep."
And at that moment, as the kids are getting ready to go, the dogs wake up and start barking because they hear the mailman. 
"Sure," I tell him. "Get right on that."
And that, people, is why I nap.

Kermit Flail--MARCH into Spring!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!
Okay-- SO much about March I like!
BLC is in March, and Chicken and I leave in two weeks to go play with readers in Nashville! ZoomBoy's play is in March, and we get to see that the weekend before we leave!  Shades of Henry is out at the END of March, and you guys--omg you GUYS--I have been DYING to show Henry off, because that cover... *kisses fingertips*  And I think you're going to love Henry. I mean... I think you're going to REALLY love Henry--and the fun part is, it doesn't matter if you've read any of the previous books he's appeared in, because Henry has his own story, and he tells it in his own way. 
So yes--March has some REALLY AWESOME and FANTABULOUS things happening--and March also has some STUNNING books by some regular visitors to the Kermit Flail, and some amazing friends of yours truly.
Please welcome the oft touted E.J. Russell. E.J. is known for her award winning paranormal romance--I once called her the Mary Janice Davison of gay PNR. This book looks a little darker but no less fun-- early Hollywood noir, and just as juicy and just as stylish as your favorite movies. Silent Sin looks like a must read--and a happy introduction to summer!
Parker Williams Family Matters is a contemporary, with a little bit of Parker's trademark kink, and a lot of his warm found family goodness. Parker has a quirky sense of humor and a kind soul and his books give us those things in spades. A great addition to your gooey goodness library, which is something everybody needs.
And I had the good fortune to be with Ms. Kate McMurray when she got the cover art for Here Comes the Flood-- and I gotta tell you, my first reaction was WOOF! Damn--that cover is stunning, and Kate's instinct for what makes fantastic sports storytelling is obviously here en force! This looks muscular and graceful and hot and... *fans self* Where's a pool where you need one?
And, of course, at the end of the month, there's Henry. You guys, I hope you enjoy Henry-- he was a man of unexpected depth, and Lance? He's just the guy to see what the rest of the world might have missed. 
So there you go--SO much to look forward to in March--by all means, enjoy!



Silent Sin

A novel of early Hollywood

by E.J. Russell

When tailor Marvin Gottschalk abandoned New York City for the brash boomtown of silent-film-era Hollywood, he never imagined he’d end up on screen as Martin Brentwood, one of the fledgling film industry’s most popular actors. Five years later a cynical Martin despairs of finding anything genuine in a town where truth is defined by studio politics and publicity. Then he meets Robbie Goodman.

Robbie fled Idaho after a run-in with the law. A chance encounter leads him to the film studio where he lands a job as a chauffeur. But one look at Martin and he’s convinced he’s likely to run afoul of those same laws—laws that brand his desires indecent, deviant… sinful.

Martin and Robbie embark on a cautious relationship, cocooned in Hollywood’s clandestine gay fraternity, careful to hide from the studio boss, a rival actor, and reporters on the lookout for a juicy story. But when tragedy and scandal rock the town, igniting a morality-based witch hunt fueled by a remorseless press, the studio brass will sacrifice even the greatest careers to defend their endangered empire. Robbie and Martin stand no chance against the firestorm—unless they stand together.


Buy Here

(Note: Silent Sin is available for wide pre-order and will remain wide until March 10, when it will be enrolled in Kindle Unlimited.)



Family Matters
by Parker Williams
Patrick Lane escaped his alcoholic parents when he made it to college. But when they ditched his siblings under the pretense of returning in a few hours, Patrick made a solemn vow that he would raise Joey and Jenna as his own, ensuring they would never doubt they were loved. And it’s a promise he’s done his best to keep, no matter how hard it’s been.

Seth Clarke owns his own business, has a nice house, and parents and a brother who love him. But he isn’t satisfied and never has been. The men he’s been with complain he’s a perfectionist, and Seth knows it’s true. When he meets Patrick, he’s intrigued. Just when it seems something wonderful is getting off the ground between them, Seth meets Joey and Jenna, and he panics. He hates messes, and kids are the worst.

It takes two very strong women to open Seth’s eyes to the truths he’s been doing his best to forget. Now Seth has a choice. He can walk away from Patrick, leaving his heart behind, or he can step up and discover that family matters more than anything.

Contains light BDSM elements.
Buy Here



Here Comes the Flood
by Kate McMurray
Two years ago, swimmer Isaac Flood hit rock bottom. His alcoholism caught up with him, landing him in jail with a DUI. After facing his demons in rehab, he’s ready to get back in the pool. He stuns everyone at the US Olympic Trials, and now he’s back at his fourth Olympics with something to prove.

Diver Tim Swan made headlines for snatching a surprise gold medal four years ago, and then making a viral coming-out video with his actor boyfriend, the subject of splashy tabloid headlines. Now his relationship is over and Tim just wants to focus on winning gold again, but reporters in Madrid threaten to overshadow Tim’s skill on the platform.

When Isaac and Tim meet, they recognize each other as kindred spirits—they are both dodging media pressure while devoting their lives to the sports they love. As they get to know each other—and try to one-up each other with their respective medal counts—they realize they’re becoming more than friends. But will the relationship burn bright for just sixteen days, or can it last past the Closing Ceremony?
Buy Here

Shades of Henry
by Amy Lane

A Flophouse Story

One bootstrap act of integrity cost Henry Worrall everything—military career, family, and the secret boyfriend who kept Henry trapped for eleven years. Desperate, Henry shows up on his brother’s doorstep and is offered a place to live and a job as a handyman in a flophouse for young porn stars.

Lance Luna’s past gave him reasons for being in porn, but as he continues his residency at a local hospital, they now feel more like excuses. He’s got the money to move out of the flophouse and live his own life—but who needs privacy when you’re taking care of a bunch of young men who think working penises make them adults?

Lance worries Henry won’t fit in, but Henry’s got a soft spot for lost young men and a way of helping them. Just as Lance and Henry find a rhythm as den mothers, a murder and the ghosts of Henry’s abusive past intrude. Lance knows Henry’s not capable of murder, but is he capable of caring for Lance’s heart?
Buy Here 

Abort! Abort! Brain overload!

I have my rituals. 
The television goes off, I get the dogs snack, I fill my cup with ice and fizzy water, and I sit down to do some thought clearing exercise (play phone games for 10 minutes) and then I write.
And tonight was no different. 
There I was, approaching my work station with my water in one hand, my bowl of veggies in the other (my snack!) when suddenly Mate springs into action.
"Where's your checkbook?" He's digging through my purse. "Here, find it!"
"I don't--"
"Is it in the car?"
"It might be in my yarn ba--"
"Here, take your sunglass case."
"Wh--"
"Put your sunglasses in it so they don't get lost. Is the checkbook in your purse?"
"So that thing you just did--"
"I know."
"Where you gave me two specific things to do at the same time."
"I know."
"That doesn't work for me."
"I'm sorry. Do you want me to go outside and get the checkbook? Where is it? Any ideas?"
"Uh... between... the thing... and the thing... and the--"
He disappears and I have a FUCKING SECOND to think. When he comes back I am going through my yarn bag, and I produce--go figure--the checkbook. 
"Here."
"Good, okay--"  And then he pushes a button on his keys, and his phone goes off. Neither of us knows where. 
We scramble madly to find the phone--tearing apart the couch, upending blankets, running back and forth from the kitchen and down the hallway--and finally he lifts the right cushion and there it is.
"Uh..." I say. All the words--ALL THE WORDS-- have shorted out in my brain.
"Go on. Sit down. Do your thing."
He turns on the TV. 
"Could we turn that down?"
"Sure."  He turns it off. The dogs whine. They have forgotten they've had snacks. I get them snacks, sit down again, and try to concentrate.
What was I doing again?

Minor Epiphany

So, the kids had President's Week and I have to admit--it passed sort of quietly.

Each kid made plans to hang with their friends on different days, and I took Squish shopping--and then, so did her sister-- and generally, I did my usual thing. (Hampered a little, admittedly, by all the activity in the living room in the morning. And people. People were TALKING to me. It was disorienting.)

And I felt BAD about that.

And Mate and I were talking--I was like, "I remember we used to scramble. We'd go to Old Sac, we'd go to art museums, we'd go to the zoo. Anything-- anything but have the kids sit at home."

Mate was like, "They're just so... I don't know. Content. It's weird."

And I said, "Yeah--but then..."

And this is where it hit me.

"We wouldn't know so much about the older kids. When they were this age, we had the younger kids to occupy, and they came with us. Maybe they would have done this too--just become, you know, self-sufficient."

And it was sort of mind-blowing. I thought I'd gotten used to the idea that my kids were getting older, and they needed me less--but you forget how much you need them-- to keep you busy, to force you out of your comfort zone and into the world, to make you go see the world through their eyes so you can see the good parts.

We were having this conversation on the way to pick up Big T, who comes home to do laundry twice a month, and Mate said, "You know, we just have to make a plan. We used to be so good at just going, 'Gonna go here!' and going!"

So I said, "Let's go seen Sonic Hedgehog at six-thirty!"

Now, we'd sort of avoided this movie--it looked a little dumb. But we actually like dumb movies--and that's important to remember. Dumb movies are fun, and hilarious, and they want you to feel good at the end, and God knows we're not getting much of that anywhere else, right?

So we went and saw Sonic the Hedgehog, and in the middle of the movie two things happened.

The first is that Jim Carrey made a double entendre -- a very funny one-- and our teenagers ERUPTED into laughter, and Mate and I cracked up at them cracking up because you think they'd never heard a dirty joke before and it was awesome that they got this one and died.

The second is that a the movie's intended audience--a toddler of about three--bolted out of the seat and toward the stairs and was barely captured by her mother, laughing all the way.

Mate and I had a good laugh--he was like, "Someone wanted to be Sonic and someone wanted to be Robotnik, and guess who won?"

And you know? I miss the days when the kids were little and forced us to be more interesting and active people to keep up with them. But I don't miss not being able to miss a movie in peace.

Tonight ZoomBoy came and gave me a long hug and said, "It was a really good week."

"Are you sure? You didn't do much."

"Yeah--thank you for that. It was good to get some quiet in my head. The next month is going to be really busy with the play and everything."

"It is--get some sleep--you have to be up early in the morning."

And he kissed me and went to bed.

My kids are no longer little--that part of my life is pretty much over, and my ovaries remind me every time they squeeze out one last cobwebby egg and try to kill me for the effort. But what's coming only has to be boring if I let it be--and I like peace and quiet, and so does Mate. And our kids seem to be growing up okay without constant activity--or, at least, they're making their own.

There are good things ahead--I can make them happen. And, if I monitor my fluid intake, I don't have to get out of my seat at the movies unless I really hate the show.

Meh?

I don't have many "meh" days.

The kids actually ask me what I do during the day because I usually meet someone at the park, or someone in the pool, or see a meme or something that makes my day a little more interesting, and I just wouldn't be Mom if I didn't share.

But I felt "meh" today. Seriously--I think it might be a bug. Squish felt horrible last night--but we couldn't put a finger on it. Wasn't head--but that ached. Wasn't stomach--but that felt gross. Wasn't body aches but all she wanted todo was sleep.

This morning I woke up feeling just like that but I'm a grown up and Geoffie had a groomer's appointment and I had to get up and shower and clothes and the groomers and...

And my keys are locked in my goddamned car again?

So I canceled the groomers and I was going to take the dogs for a walk but...

Uh... well, people yell at me when I do that. Seriously-- I got yelled at by the one person who took care of her lawn on the entire block. I'm like, "I don't want to go out there! People are SHITTY out there!" So I worked, and I ate lunch, and then I went back to bed for two hours--and I gotta tell you, I may go back to sleep early.

So possibly a bug, maybe just allergies, but I have my keys tomorrow and I can at least get a walk in.

So in the meantime, my day was... well, meh.

But I gotta say-- that nap was pretty kickass, right?

Imaginary Conversations and Real

So, today I went shopping explicitly for snacks.

 Me, to clerk: You know, I like how that bag of potato chips says, "Party size" when what they REALLY mean is "party of one teenager gaming all day on the couch."

Clerk: They really need to sell a size up for that.


Also, I bought Lindor Balls

ZoomBoy: Mom, I'm inhaling these balls. *smirk*

Me: Well, some balls are held for charity, and some for fancy dress.

ZB: But the balls that are inhaled for pleasure are the balls I like the best!


Also, there was drama in the bathroom.

Nebula the adorable new kitty: Hello, I am here and you are here and we should have pets since you do not seem to be moving oh that's wonderful keep petting please.

Steve: What. Is. That. Thing.

Nebula: Oh look, I am a kitty getting pets and you are a kitty desiring pets and the human seems willing to forsake all other actions besides giving us what we desire so we should--

Steve: DIE HEATHEN DIE!

Nebula: RUN AWAY!!!!!


And Squish has discovered a thing that playful kitties do.



Squish: Look! Mom! He's standing on his hind legs and trying to catch a bug! Go kitty go!



And I put my foot down about dog snacks:

Me: AUGH! I’m not giving you another treat! *I get up to give the dog another treat*

ZoomBoy: What’s wrong? They won’t leave you alone?

Me: No! They won’t stop begging! And...*I flail at her in her little soft collar* Look at her!

ZoomBoy: Yes. She looks like she has a very long flight to get to. She probably needs snacks.

I mean, when he puts it that way...