Rae Roy's Blog, page 59

Symphonic Saturday – Pink Floyd

[image error]Yesterday, I watched a documentary about Pink Floyd. It was interesting to learn how much great work they did together despite the personal relationship issues they had. I learn it is because of Pink Floyd that we have so many spectacular visuals and performances at concerts today. It’s sad they couldn’t work together anymore until that charity performance for Live 8. It took them so much time to be able to play well in the sandbox together. Still, I’m glad they got to a place where they don’t hate each other now. Some people never do get to a friendly place with people from different walks of life.

There seems to be a lot of anger in the world and I wonder if I only notice because I’m on social media so much. I wonder if I reduce my participation in Facebook, will I see less of the day to day alarmist reactions and more of the good? It wasn’t that long ago that a music event happened at the park down the street from me where people gathered in celebration of diversity. Now, differences of opinion are met with physical violence. I see so much of the hate and violence online and yet my experiences in the real world are positive ones. Maybe I need a little less Internet and a lot more music.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Music Tagged: Compassion

Frisky Friday – Fantasies

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Image created using Bitmoji

Ever thought about sex at work with a coworker? Just clear that desk off and do it right there?

Powerful people don’t just fantasize about it. They act on those urges and often end up in some kind of trouble from it like Bill Clinton. Or they lose their job.

Some fantasies are meant to be only fantasies.

Like the rape one. Yes, many women fantasize about very aggressive and rough sex. It’s actually a common thing females fantasize about. That in no way means they want to be raped. But they might want to role-play or not be asked every 5 seconds if they still want to have sex. They might want their man to drag them to the bedroom and fluidly move them into different sex positions and just generally rock their world. But pay enough attention to your partner to tell if they are in pain or if they are asking to stop.

The problem is the world is trying to figure out where the line is between consensual sex and rape. If one person never says no then some places say consent is implied. This mostly works until you end up with a situation where someone is prevented from saying no or extreme intoxication. Should we breathalyze our dates to be sure they aren’t too drunk? Some say any alcohol means no, but it’s really common for people to wine and dine then have sex after, so that might be extreme.

The Ottawa police is forming a civilian committee of sexual assault experts and others to look more closely at the unfounded cases to see where they can do better. Hopefully, things improve. It’s a hard thing though. Sex is so individualized, that what is exciting to one is horrifying to another.

Some people are extra sensitive in that they deem any wayward glance by a male or asking a coworker on a date as sexual harassment instead of being flattered that someone finds them attractive and would like to get to know them better. Flattery is a hard thing today because of a certain group of males who really do harass women and can’t take no for an answer. And let’s face it, some people’s game amounts to, “So, you wanna have some sex?”

Some really are going through assault. One man I dated forced me to let him come over when I was busy then tried to force me into sex after telling him clearly, multiple times, “No, I don’t want to have sex with you tonight.” He responded by calling me a tease and got verbally abusive with me. I dumped his ass promptly.

And there’s a small percentage of women who are terrible people that lie about assault to sponge money from men. These women hurt all of us. I thought about not talking about them, but I’m not a fan of leaving out part of the picture. If there are women out there consenting the night of then claiming rape the day after, that needs to stop.

It’s important to note that while there are bad apples out there, there are a lot of good ones too. Your soul mate could be in the cubicle next to you. Maybe they aren’t exactly how you pictured them, but if you’re ready to report them to HR for noticing you have a nice figure, you’ll miss out and keep wondering where all the good ones are.

Some might keep asking because that’s how their dad convinced their mom to go out. I don’t know what to say about that. It worked for a long time and still works for some men. I suppose, clearly telling someone that you have no interest and want them to stop pursuing you should be enough, but people are so worried about hurt feelings they often don’t say exactly what they mean.

Anyway, I got into a rant there as sometimes happens.

So what if you fantasize about something that could put you into a legal grey area? Well, you don’t have to act it out.

Or you could find a partner who is willing to play pretend with you. Maybe you set up a desk at home with stacks of papers and things you can’t break. You talk about limits and safe words in case you want to get kinky with it. Then you both have a good time clearing the desk and exploring its other uses.

You could do that with the rape one too, but it’s more risky and might end up actually feeling like rape. It may be best to stick to reading romance novels with those types of scenes in them. There are some who think those shouldn’t exist, but those books allow people to explore situations without risk of physical harm. And romance novels are about sexual fantasies more than anything.

The commonality of sex fantasies seems to change depending on where you are located. If you look at the results of a study in Quebec, you can see how much the sexes have in common when it comes to what they are looking for in the bedroom. Stats from around the world are a little different. If we look at the UK a couple years back, not much has changed. Here is some more information from sex therapist Susan Block.

Sex is really complicated and fantasies can be great. I think Susan says it best, “It’s risky business, but nothing great in life comes without taking a chance.  If you can share your fantasies with your lover, you can get to know each other deeply, weaving powerful strands of feeling into the fabric of your relationship, blending fantasies with memories and ever-expanding possibilities.”

The bottom line? Sex should be fun. If one of the people involved isn’t having fun, something needs to change or it needs to stop altogether.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Musings Tagged: Sex

Thoughtful Thursday – 17 Ways to Suck as a Person

[image error]Everyone sucks some of the time. Sometimes you might be tired or hangry and mess up. Making mistakes is part of being human, but if you do these things with regularity, you should consider working on yourself. Think about whether your goal really is to be an asshole.

1. Proclaim that someone you don’t know can’t possibly need to be seated on an airplane before you because they aren’t even limping.

2. Turn every article you see online into a discussion about some political thing that isn’t part of the article. Since you love politics, everyone else should want to talk about it in every conversation, right?

3. Run around hating whatever group of people it’s popular to hate in your country. Don’t think about how your group might be the next target. Jews, white males, the Chinese, etc. Whatever gives you the best scapegoat.

4. Park across 4 spaces in a city that has a parking shortage. Your vehicle and convenience are more important than those other 3 people that could’ve used those other spaces.

5. Mention that the brown guy at work only has a job because of quotas. He couldn’t possibly have any skills, right? Bonus if he’s close enough to hear you.

6. If you don’t like something, make anyone who does like it feel like garbage regularly about it because you can’t understand how people could like things that you don’t since the world obviously revolves around you.

7. Condemn others for doing things you have done. It’s different in your case because you’re special, right?

8. Whenever you can’t deal with a discussion, begin name-calling instead of trying to actually discuss the issue. It’s totally cool to treat “bad people”, a.k.a. anyone who disagrees with you, like crap and degrade them, right?

9. Call any source presented to you “biased” because it’s not from a source you would use, so there’s gotta be something wrong with it somewhere even if the experiment design is flawless. The fact that you are biased when you do that won’t matter. Facts don’t matter anyway, it’s who yells the loudest that does. The fact that you are guilty of confirmation bias doesn’t matter either because you believe you’re the one that’s right.

10. Whine constantly about how your life is, but take no solid steps to do anything to change it. Seriously, no one minds reading a slew of posts every day about how your life sucks.

11. Punch anyone who disagrees with you about anything. Beat them down in the street, break into their home, and set fire to their children’s beds because they must be evil if they think or believe something different as your view is the only right one for 7.5 billion humans. Obviously.

12. Be envious of peers who succeed instead of cheering them on. They’re totally jealous every time something goes great for you. You can tell by the way they insincerely type “congrats” on your posts.

13. Care far too much about what consenting adults do in bed together. There totally aren’t better things to do with your time, like have sex with your partner instead.

14. Steal money and ideas from others because actually working is too hard.

15. Abuse animals and other humans.

16. Act like you’re better than everyone else because of your religion, race, sex, possessions, diet, etc.

17. Talk about how important a social issue is but never put time into raising funds to fix the problem. Instead, shame others who care about other social issues.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Musings Tagged: Honesty

Warrior Wednesday – Demo

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This weekend we did our annual Natsu Matsuri demo. Natsu Matsuri is the Japanese Festival. The Taiko drummers were there doing full body drum work that boomed across the ground at Mooney’s Bay. There were dancers that got the crowd moving. The crowd was warmed up by the time we got up there.

Most of us decided to go barefoot and that was a different feeling on the feet than the wooden dojo floor I was used to. The grass was fresh and the ground slightly uneven. It had been trying to rain and several of us were worried it would become slippery. There were some awkward moments. One of our members made a mistake that would’ve been bad had it been an actual fight. Or good if you were the one fighting him. There were some timing issues. I finished way ahead of the others in my group, but the crowd couldn’t tell and seemed to enjoy it.

We handed out a lot of cards, so maybe we’ll see a few new members.

Following us, there was a neat demonstration by a blacksmith who made a knife while there.

We also got a visit from a man about a katana he ended up with that looked quite old. We came to the conclusion it might be a historical blade, but he would need to have the inscription on the inside read by someone. We advised he be careful who he takes it too  as they might try to keep it like the goblins and The Sword of Gryffindor. Yes, that happens.

We also got a lot of club photos and I’m looking forward to seeing them. Here’s an early one of me in action taken by Les Llewellyn:

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After that we ate and drank together to celebrate another successful demo.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

PS – I’m late posting because I was working on a different post, but I just couldn’t finish that one in time. Also, because I am working on the edits for my first novel.

Filed under: Martial Arts Tagged: Courage

Theatrical Tuesday – Doctor Who’s Recent Casting Choice

[image error]A lot of people are divided about the latest regeneration on Doctor Who. Some would have you believe that it’s nothing more than males being stupid, but I think jumping to that conclusion is wrong and it’s harmful to what the feminist movement was supposed to be about. I, like Camille Paglia, believe this male bashing crap has to stop. Feminism was supposed to be about equal treatment and rights like being able to vote and work in traditionally male jobs. It wasn’t about tearing men down, feminizing them, or declaring female superiority.

The Doctor shouldn’t be female just because ‘it’s time’. The Doctor should only be female if the actress blew them away at auditions. It should be about selecting the best candidate by demonstrated ability regardless of sex, race, or sexuality. The BBC has said they have done this.

I’m a fan of the show. My first Doctor was Tom Baker, though I was quite young and don’t remember those episodes clearly. I’ve seen many other arguments in many comments sections against the selection that have nothing to do with sexism. Many have been from women as well. Here are a couple of points:

1. Out of Character

For 50 years The Doctor has regenerated as male. One might assume the being has a preference and to suddenly change genders is out of character after 50 years. The fact that Missy was a thing doesn’t matter. The Master has always operated differently and assumes whatever form best fits whatever devious plans its brewing. Not so with The Doctor. He is also shown as male as a child, which could suggest that’s his natural state since birth.

2. Tradition

Some people balk at the idea of tradition, but others love it. Tradition has been broken and for some it might feel like the first Christmas after their father has died. But The Doctor has already been female. Given that was a comedy special, maybe it’s not really part of the canon?

3. Acting Ability

Several have suggested she is out of her league in this role. I haven’t seen her act, so I don’t know if this is accurate. Again, the BBC said she did an amazing job at the audition.

4. Loss of a Male Role Model

People really like to laugh at this one, but The Doctor is an important one since so many leading males in programs are rather brutish dicks. The Doctor shows males it’s cool to care about people and have feelings.

I don’t feel like I need The Doctor to change genders. There are plenty of other shows with strong female leads. And this move isn’t revolutionary. I watched Night of the Living Dead, which is quite old and the leads were a black male and a white woman. Mad Max Fury Road has another strong woman. Orphan Black, Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica and more all have strong female leads. Game of Thrones is chock full of strong females. Maybe I’d care more if I lived in Britain, but it’s not like it was stopping women and girls from cosplaying as The Doctor.

Yes, there is lore and history of other Time Lords switching things up. That’s one of the main arguments that it should have happened by now. Perhaps that is  one thing that gives more weight to that argument. In all of the posts I’ve read, I found this one to be the best on why we needed a female doctor. I’ve been that female subject matter expert in the room with all males who’d prefer me act as a secretary while they talk about the important things that are too complex for my tiny female brain to possibly understand.

A small group of people think it should have been a black transgender female. To which many have suggested to write a pilot for a Sci-Fi show with a black transgender female if you feel it’s important. That’s not really a far fetched idea. Hell, you could even take a page from BET and make your own television network. You could crowdfund it too.

On the change of race element, there are white Klingons if you want to look at other TV shows. I don’t know about the history of Gallifreyans having other races. So far they have only been depicted as white as I’ve seen. I’m not sure if there is canon somewhere to change that. But I suppose the writers decide what is canon and if they write it, it will become canon.

People love to highlight the “outrageous” comments by men, but I’ve seen plenty from men who have said they care far less about what genitals The Doctor has and far more about the acting ability and the writing on the show. They’ve said its purpose is entertainment, so it better continue to be entertaining. They were white males too.

To some degree, I don’t enjoy that The Doctor changes at all. Theoretically it’s awesome, but it took me about half a season to accept that David Tennant was gone. I still miss him. I liked Capaldi until the most recent season. Perhaps it’s the companion, Bill Potts. I mean, she could except that he has a time travel machine that is bigger on the inside and that he’s an alien, but couldn’t believe he has two hearts? Really?

Anyway, it will take a couple of episodes before I can tell if Jodie has potential and likely a few more for me to like her. People have been saying that if you can’t accept this change, you aren’t a true Whovian. Bullshit. True Whovians nearly always hate the new doctor until something awesome happens that convinces them the new actor is, “THE BEST DOCTOR EVER!”

And there are a bunch of people saying it really doesn’t matter since it’s a TV show. Entertainment can have wide impact on people though. If that wasn’t true, people wouldn’t still be mourning Alan Rickman or Robin Williams or Kurt Cobain, Elvis, and many more.

Also, for thousands of years change meant death. That instinct is still in humans just like the instinct for cats to eat their dead owners. You might not like it and think it’s silly, but it’s part of who we are as a species. It’s why LEAN practitioners know to make very small changes in office environments.

There are a bunch of women against this change too. Yes, there are a ton of jerk males as well, but they aren’t the only people upset by the change. I even saw some LGBTQ+ folks saying the change was the wrong call to make. The world is a mosaic of views and when you decide to look at an issue like this and ignore all but one demographic that fits the crap you want to write about, you become part of the problem.

Did you know male suicide rates are higher than female rates? That was in Canada. The same is true in the US. The UK. Australia. Much of the rest of the world shows a similar 3.5 to 1 ratio, though some places have little to no suicide at all. Those are older stats, but interesting nonetheless.

If you don’t care about that fact, perhaps you need to work on your humanity.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that people are going to disagree on this thing and jumping to name calling won’t make anything better. Assuming one element tells the whole story is willful ignorance. Trying to see beyond the knee-jerk reaction and understand where others are coming from is what makes things better.

Get out into the world and interact with real people. Especially those that have differing view points. Echo chambers are sick places to live in. If you have to put others down for you to “progress”, maybe you’re not really as progressive as you think you are.

And no, I haven’t been brainwashed by the patriarchy. Most men simply aren’t evil. And a lot of them died so you could live to call them all assholes today.

The Doctor will be played by a woman for at least this season. We might not be sure of the choice yet, but many of us will come to love her anyway.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Reviews Tagged: TV Shows

Merry Monday – Extraordinarily Busy

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Image created using Bit Strips.

On Thursday, I attended a networking event and made some new contacts. Then I went home and worked on my screenplay. I’ve been working on it since and I’ve come to the conclusion that description is my weakest writing tool. With screenplays it’s often because I want to leave things up to the people making the film to put in extra details. I haven’t learnt yet which things they will want in the script vs which they want to decide except things like camera directions and some specific acting directions. But I generally don’t want to decide what a room looks like in its entirety. Some things in the room are important as the actors need to interact with them and others are left to the imagination. I do the same thing with novels and need to do it a little less with them.

Friday was spent cleaning, writing, and doing Couch 2 5k. I also got the last things I needed for the dojo BBQ.

Saturday was the dojo BBQ where we drank, chatted, and cut things with swords.

Sunday was a martial arts demo in Mooney’s Bay as part of the Japanese Festival. Then second dojo at the licensed burger place on the beach there. Followed by B-Movie Club. Followed by more cleaning.

And this morning I finished what was left to ensure everything was ready for pest control. I rushed out to my car to get my reusable grocery bags in order to put my food in them and stepped funny which led to me falling and scraping up my leg. These things always happen when you have no time for it…

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The letter I was sent said I had to empty all my cupboards, so much of it went to my living room.

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So much for getting that room clean.  But I’m now changing up where I put my dishes and food in the kitchen cupboards because it’s a good time to reorganize.

I cursed a blue streak when this happened:

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He told me next time he only needed it moved 10 inches. Then he told me if everyone in the building were as clean as me, we wouldn’t have any cockroaches at all! As the daughter of a hoarder, I never thought I’d hear praise on my clean home. Also because there’s still so much junk everywhere! But it wouldn’t be this clean had I not done the floor earlier this year and had to scrape years of grease off the wall behind the stove either.

Anyway, I’m exhausted and I need to reassemble my kitchen.

Bonus, I found kidney beans and chili spice mix in the cupboards, so I just need to grab some fresh bell peppers and maybe a can of black beans and tomatoes to make a nice meal for supper on this dreary day.

I’m not sure I can do Couch 2 5k today and I’m sad about it. I should at least wait for my scrape to scab over before sweating into it. I see standing kata in my future as it stings after cleaning it out and bandaging it.

Off to write, nap, and make my kitchen functional again. Oh, I also must fit in Game of Thrones.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Musings Tagged: Discipline

Symphonic Saturday – RIP Chester Bennington

[image error]I can’t begin to express how sad I am about the loss of Chester Bennington. Music helped me tremendously when I was going through my divorce and Numb was one of the songs that resonated with me the most.

I listened to it and sobbed. I listened to other songs and sobbed some more.

All I can hope is that he and Chris Cornell are up in heaven together giving everyone a great rock show.

We need to do something to stop this suicide epidemic. Suicide rates among men are higher than women around the world in most countries despite women being more susceptible to depression. We need to find out why. Are they Vitamin D deficient? Have they all suffered as much as Chester did as a child?

Bennington was a tortured soul much like Robin Williams. Yeah, I’m not over that one yet either. What happened to Bennington as a child, there’s no excuse for. I wonder if Chester could’ve gotten the help he needed if Chris hadn’t killed himself.

Linkin Park’s performance on Jimmy Kimmel says more than I can.

I care too.

R~

Filed under: Music Tagged: Personal Loss

Frisky Friday – Porn Sex vs Real Sex

After the loss of Chester Bennington, I’m too sad today to think of something to post, so I offer you this video.

R~

Filed under: Musings Tagged: Sex

Thoughtful Thursday – Rampant Intolerance

[image error]I’m tired. I regularly see people who shout about tolerance then refuse to discuss differing opinions. They jump to name calling and exclusion. But as I participate more in the world, I realize that these extreme social justice types are a minority. There are many people who believe in true equality rather than attacking white males to get ahead. That gives me hope for a future where people are truly free to live and let live.

Right now there is such a high amount of tension that we’re seeing more and more ridiculous displays of anger like this road rage incident that happened in Toronto this week. People are running around saying and doing whatever they want expecting that there won’t be any consequences.

I think some of it is a result of trying to force people to participate in practices against their will. The more people run around punching every white male they declare a Nazi, the more hatred is bred. Especially when many of them aren’t white supremacists or bigots, but they simply disagree with some aspects of social justice.

Lumping all white people together is silly anyway. We all come from different backgrounds. My mother hordes because she grew up poor. She lived on a First Nation’s reserve. My great grandfather was from Scotland and the Scottish went through some really crappy stuff at the hands of the British like many other ethnic groups around the world.

Stop blaming the white male for your challenges in life. Start taking ownership for the bullshit that you do. If you spend your free time declaring all men to be assholes on your blog or Facebook page, it might impact how employers and potential publishers view you. If you spend all your free time whining about how no one wants to date you, it’s not going to make you attractive to prospective partners. If you write articles about how you think your boys, who have never done anything wrong, are potential rapists, you need professional mental help and don’t deserve to be a mother. Is it a wonder that one of them is suicidal?

I see so many people say stuff like that they wish they could write a book, but they have no interest in improving their grammar, no interest in actually putting pen to paper or fingers to keys, no interest in doing research, and more.

Everything worthwhile in life takes effort. We all have challenges. I know people with MS, cerebral palsy, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and missing limbs who don’t spend their time whining about much of anything. They just do the work and spend their free time living as fiercely as they can. And they don’t make others feel bad. They realize other people are struggling with their own things too.

I’m so over the idea that all white people should feel like crap about who they are because some white people were assholes. Look, there is some stuff we gotta fix. The stuff that is happening now with First Nation’s people that is impacting their ability to be healthy like having access to clean water is a start. Maybe there’s some stuff we can’t really fix there, but we can definitely do better and we don’t need to hate ourselves to do that.

And if you have a white brother and a white father, it really doesn’t make sense to be hating white males. You wouldn’t exist if your white daddy didn’t get naked with your mother.

The world needs less hatred.

Might as well start by accepting yourself. If you truly learn to, you’ll stop making excuses for why you can’t do something. You’ll stop blaming other people. You’ll learn to be tolerant of other viewpoints and be able to discuss things without name calling, bullying, threats, etc.

Hatred is best fought with kindness.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

 

 

Filed under: Musings

Warrior Wednesday – Exercising While Injured

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In the physical sense, things aren’t ideal. My neck still hurts though I have a little more range of motion today. The last couple of days I couldn’t tilt it left or right at all. I can’t go far with it, but I can do more than none.

The things that are helping aren’t just the neck exercises, but swinging my sword and other exercise. That’s likely partly due to endorphin being a natural pain killer, but also moving is necessary for healing as the newer acronym METH (Movement, Elevation, Traction, Heat) says. Oh, Aleve and Tiger Balm are also wonderful things.

The video link that I shared the other day suggests to keep doing the exercises that don’t hurt or stop before the point where it hurts. This is something none of the physiotherapists I’ve been to said. In fact, most just put me in a room after showing me the exercises once and just left me without thinking that I might never have been injured enough to have a clue about pain being a bad sign. No pain, no gain except when you’re talking about the spine, apparently. Therefore, it’s not so much of a wonder to me why my neck issue keeps returning. Hopefully, this time I’ll get it to heal for good.

I have another complication though. Monday’s Couch 2 5k session has left a small muscle in my left leg called the m. tensor fasciae latae feeling pulled. This is one of the muscles used in lifting the leg. I got through martial arts last night because we were focusing on standing techniques rather than a lot of up and down movement. Today’s session will likely be a lot more walking than jogging, but at least it’s exercise.

I bet that wouldn’t have happened had I been doing kicks regularly. I’ll have to get back into that.

It’s possible that I have a longer recovery time than others due to Sjögren’s. I’m not worried about it. I’ll just push a little less hard. I may also be more susceptible to chafing in areas due to the extra dryness. It’s a normal running problem but takes less run time for me to experience.

I also make sure to take L Glutamine to prevent gut damage. It was suggested to me by a nutritionist when I first came to Ottawa to help heal my yeast sensitivity.

I’ve noticed something about myself. I seem to over tense my muscles when using them. I’m not sure if this is related to being bullied during gym class in elementary school, living through an emotionally abusive long term relationship, Sjögren’s, anxiety, or some combination of the above, but I’d sure like to get it to stop. If anyone has experienced this, please let me know what has helped.

Off to eat breakfast and slowly walk. I’ll probably get rained on, but it’s rather warm in Ottawa anyway.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Martial Arts Tagged: Discipline, Fitness, Sjogren's Syndrome