Rae Roy's Blog, page 55

Thoughtful Thursday – Freedom

[image error]I’ve been thinking about freedom a lot lately. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a very hard thing. It can be subjective.

I’ve noticed that the bus offers me one type of freedom while taking away another type. What am I on about? Well, I’m a little less anxious because I don’t have to care about traffic jams as much or worry as much about accidents. I don’t have to think about parking my car, which can lead to tickets or just a lot of extra cost. But I lost the freedom to do things on my time and I lose time each day riding it. Still, I think it’s worth it. Because I’m not staring at the ass end of the cars around me or checking blind spots to ensure some idiot doesn’t hit me, I get to look around and actually see this city I’ve lived in for four-and-a-half years now. I also started listening to audio books, so I’m getting to read more books because of the bus.

I’m a complicated person when it comes to politics because there really isn’t a party that represents me. I like a few libertarian ideas, but full libertarianism would increase the nominations for the Darwin Awards. Hydro is an example of where I feel our liberty is infringed upon. That’s electricity for the non-Canadians reading my blog. When I was looking to buy property in Ottawa and the surrounding areas, I discovered that I could go green, but the city would force me to have the property hooked up to the hydro grid. Meaning, I’d have to pay a delivery fee for hydro no matter what. Now, I think it’s reasonable to ensure everything is connected and maintained properly for safety reasons, but forcing people to pay a company for a service they don’t need or use is messed up. I’m sure someone would half-ass things if there were no regulations and end up burning the neighbourhood down, but our government is literally restricting how green we can be unless you’re rich. But that’s just one issue. I see the need for social things like health care and at least reduced education costs. Trusting everything to the government can leave us too vulnerable to an asshole with orange skin though, so I can’t agree with socialism beyond a certain point as it usually leads to death.

My wheeled briefcase has been giving me the freedom from having a heavy weight on my shoulders while limiting where I can go because it’s heavy and can’t really fit in a locker. Because it’s been physically injuring me almost as much as a backpack, I’m looking forward to the freedom of a tablet. It’ll be lighter and more portable, so I can actually see doing things like visiting a museum on a Thursday after class if the bus can get me to one before the free hours are over. Or going to cool places in the city like the Art House Café to write.

We have a lot of freedom in Canada. Not total freedom, but a lot. Our free speech laws are different than the US, not that it has solved all our problems.

My car gives me freedom in terms of traveling places faster and it’s cheaper to take to my hometown than the bus. It’s also better for groceries as I don’t have to worry about scheduling much when I’m using it.

Thinking about the bus, if someone leaves their foot in the aisle and a person who is exiting steps on it, who should be at fault? The aisle is supposed to be for walking, but it sucks to step on someone. Whose freedom is impinged the most in such a situation? The Non Aggression Principle may have the answer to that one.

Is anyone really free? Even people like Bill Gates have a few rules they have to follow.

What does freedom mean to you?

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Musings

Warrior Wednesday – Warrior Spirit

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I swear I will continue the Book of Five Rings soon. The fire chapter is long and life has been challenging as of late.

What makes a warrior? To me, some part of it is determination. Not every one has the same skills and some of us have more challenges than others. The ability to dig deep and push on despite all odds is an important one.

Tuesday was an extremely trying day for me. My quad muscles were overworked on Sunday making each step I took painful. There was no where to sit on the bus and it’s not so pleasant to be standing with a wheeled bag. I managed to wedge my bag so it wouldn’t move about, but that meant lifting it even more than I already have to because I’m taking the bus.

Which brings me to my first breakdown of the school year. In college the first time, it was the realization that I didn’t want to be a social worker. In college the second time, it was a particular teacher who “lost” my work. Yeah, I know what that sounds like, but that one was sure I didn’t belong in that industry. In university, it was Business Statistics followed by Microeconomics that had me burst into tears because math was super scary for me. I still don’t love math, but it doesn’t terrify me these days.

This time it’s physical pain that is making me worry. I’ll get through it because that’s who I am, but it was a trying day. Part of my issue is posture, so I ordered a few devices to help me with that. I almost ordered a neck brace too, but I’m going to see how the other things do first.

I emailed my teachers to see if they know of any options for me to get around the bus and bag lifting issue that is keeping me in this highly painful state because they really drilled into us not to suffer in silence. Usually, I just suck shit up and deal but I’m trying a new thing.

It’s so frustrating. I know I can do the work. It’s just the damned weight of my things that is making it a struggle. And it’s restricting my placement options, but since I have a car that might work out okay.

I’m wondering if this thing is ever going to heal. I looked at internet stuff and one of the “fixes” is surgery. I live alone and it’s not like I would want the doctors in my hometown doing neck fusion surgery. It’s probably not at that level yet anyway, but I’m skilled at over-analyzing stuff and driving myself crazy.

My teacher got back to me as I was typing this up and suggested I get in touch with the accessibility centre to see if they can help and what my options are. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that myself. Oh. Probably because my neck was screaming that my head is too damn heavy and it’s tired of having to do all the work.

Back to martial arts though. I met with the man that runs the HEMA club on Tuesday before leaving the campus. They haven’t got a practice space yet, so we’ll see what happens there. I’m too broken for anything that resembles sparring, but part of it is studying different sword styles and I may be more of a member that just reads stuff because of it. My goal is more to learn about what I don’t know about sword stuff already and we do very careful partner practice in my dojo anyway.

Our seminar has had a small insurance hiccup and I’m hoping that is ironed out promptly. The wrong information was written on the rider and now we’re again waiting for the proper one. I guess they ignored our instructions.

The OTC pain killer I took is kicking in as I sit here in inflatable traction since one of the other exercises was doing nothing to help me. I’m feeling quite a bit better after reaching out and starting a dialogue to deal with this neck thing before we’re deep in the semester and I’m in too much pain to function and drowning in homework or something as a result.

The next thing I need to do is eat food. It’s actually Tuesday night as I’m typing this. So food and I’m going to try and get one of my other assignments off my plate since I’m almost done one of them anyway.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Martial Arts Tagged: Fitness, School

Theatrical Tuesday – School

[image error]As I’m studying film production, screen and play writing, along with other things related to the performing arts, Tuesday content will probably often drift towards school or at least mention it. I’m supposed to learn to critique more effectively among many other things, so I’m excited to see how my future film reviews will compare to the ones I’ve already done.

My first week of school was a partial one. Last Tuesday was orientation where we met our teachers and classmates and talked about the program in a general sense while having pizza. It seems I now know where the delicious gluten free pizza is in this city. Finally.

On Wednesday, we had our first Screenwriting class, but it was mostly lecture rather than writing. We also introduced ourselves and talked about things like books. We talked about where ideas come from. A couple of us had already completed the homework that is due this week. After that class, I took the schedules and began making myself one that has everything on it, so I could get my to-do list together. I’ve mostly finished it, though I’m double and triple checking that things are where they should be. I don’t want to miss an assignment as I hate those types of surprises. I grey out things once they’re complete to keep track of what we did and what we still have to do. Some things I want to review in more depth and I leave them more visible for that reason.

In our first class on Thursday, we took a quaint trip outside to take pictures with our names on paper placards, so the teachers could use them to get to know us quicker. I suppose that makes sense in a class of 28. I thought of my pre-health friend in her 430 person program and marvelled at how so many people can have such different experiences on the same campus in the same time period. In the next class, we took a trip down to the video room to learn about the various equipment we can borrow to make our movies before we got into our groups and began hands-on learning camera shots. It’s a little different than what I learned taking photography one year.

Monday of this week was my first theatre writing class. We did two writing sprints and I thoroughly enjoyed both of them. One has been handed in already and I have more time on the other one. The first was a piece on delivering bad news to someone. I wrote about telling someone new in your life about having a serious medical problem. The second was about an event that was transformative in our lives. I chose to write about the journey I’ve had because of losing a job.

After class, a couple of us went out for food and libations and had some good conversations.

Today, I have classes on Canadian film/media history and writing for broadcast. This particular teacher seems the most edgy and I’m looking forward to his classes. He’s mentioned having screwed up a bunch of times in his career and plans to help us avoid his mistakes. I’m totally up for lessening my own skill at screwing up!

So I have plays, a TV show, short films, a PSA, a feature film, and probably a few other things to write all this year. Plus, I need to find time to edit my novel. Once I’m passed this weekend, I think I’ll start getting a real routine together. Right now I’m just trying to get used to having a place to go every day where I have actual deadlines rather than self-imposed ones. My struggles have to do with time for food and cleaning my house for the most part at this time. I lose nearly 2.5 hours to the bus every day. I’m going to get some audio books going, so I can at least be reading without motion sickness.

I’m very happy that I moved my locker up a floor. It is a much better location even if the closest elevator is the slowest thing I’ve seen. I feel like I’m in the DMV waiting for a sloth to give me information when I’m waiting for it.

There’s a lot of change going on it my life right now and I’m loving it

Remembering 9/11

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On that day in 2001, I was studying Social Work at Canadore College in North Bay. My friends and I had just gotten off the bus. The student centre lounge was on the way. Someone yelled about what was on the massive projection screen. We crowded around to see the live unedited footage of bodies hanging out of buildings that were on fire. We watched as people began falling. We stayed there until it was time to go to class.

We didn’t learn anything in our classrooms that day.

Announcements were made advising us to head home as the college would be closing until more information was available about the attack on the World Trade Center’s Twin Towers.

That campus is near the military base. Since North Bay was a major NORAD location, no one who was born in the city was surprised we were being sent home.

All we knew was that a major North American financial institution had been struck and that many Canadians also worked there. We went home to watch the news because it was all we could do. We didn’t have cell phones to check if our loved ones were OK. The Internet wasn’t as huge then. We mostly watched flash videos and did research for school assignments in those days.

We had seen war on TV before, but it was always footage from distant lands.

On that day, it was close to home.

It was affecting our daily lives.

Many thought our base could be a target as well.

We didn’t know if or when school would be open again.

All we had was each other and the news.

Several other locations were targeted and many lost their lives that day.

It’s been 16 years since that day, but there is a lot of turmoil going on and I’m nervous as I head off to school once more on September the 11th.

R~

Filed under: News Tagged: Compassion

Symphonic Saturday – The Languages of Music

[image error]I have a number of instruments, but none I can currently play well. Learning an instrument is much like learning a language.

Piano is the one I find most difficult because it is like learning more than one language at once. I’ve always struggled with bass clef and my head might explode if I tried to play pieces written in some of the less common clefs. When I look at the keys from a treble clef view, I almost always know where to put my fingers. Especially on the major keys. The keys don’t change, but when I see the notes on the bass line, I have to chant, “All Cows Eat Grass” or “Good Boys Do Fine Always” in order to have a hope of knowing where to put my fingers.

I’d probably be much further ahead had I stuck with piano lessons, but they were expensive and my teacher was trying to convince me to go to church with her. At that time, I wasn’t one for church. Today, I enjoy it. Life is like that some times.

The other instruments I attempt to play are all in treble clef. I enjoy electric guitar, but haven’t gotten anywhere near proficient. I yearn to be able to play blues on my guitar. The bonus with guitar is that there is a volume control, but I’m really talented at cutting my fingertips, which screws up any kind of practice schedule I try to put myself on.

I have a ukulele as well and its notes are different from guitar, so that is again like learning a different physical language in terms of where to place my fingers.

I still have my recorder from 25 years ago, but I’ve never enjoyed the sound of a recorder. Perhaps the sound memories of 30 or so kids in a room all trying to make music for the first time ever have traumatized my ears when it comes to recorders.

I enjoyed playing clarinet in high school, though I’ve never owned one. I think I may want one again some day though a saxophone might be more my style now. Probably a soprano sax despite them not being recommended for newbies. I have some experience with embouchure, so I’m not worried about it.

I’ve noticed that learning an instrument feels the same as trying to learn to speak a new language. There is that same frustration of desperately wanting to express myself, but being unable to do so. In language, it’s through words. In music, it’s through wanting to play my favourite songs or a particular genre.

Trumpet is my preferred instrument, but I needed to get a better mute that didn’t have a ton of back pressure, so I wouldn’t drive the other condo owners crazy. The Yamaha silent system I have just didn’t work for me. This morning, I ordered the Trumcor Stealth I’ve been eyeing for at least a year now. It’s expected to arrive in about a week and a half! I’m excited to get back to my main instrument. I can start doing some old exercises to get my embouchure back like lip buzzing while I’m waiting for it to arrive.

Music is a huge decompression tool for me and it’s important to have those outlets. Returning to my trumpet playing roots while also returning to my love of theatre and film is like putting myself back on the path I would’ve been on had I made some different choices in my youth.

Music is the language of my soul.

I’ve pushed the reset button on my life and I feel it’s likely the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Music Tagged: Guitar, Piano, Trumpet

Frisky Friday – Foodplay

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Hungry AND horny?

Why not have a snack while you have some fun?

Foodplay can add a whole new dimension to your bedroom as it brings different sensations, smells, and tastes into the experience.

Not sure where to start?

The Urban Dictionary has *some* information, but you’ll want to think about some foods you enjoy eating, like perhaps strawberries and whipped cream and take away the bowl. Eat them off your partner’s . . . Well, whatever location you choose

Thoughtful Thursday – Mountains

[image error]I’ve only had one class so far this week. Last night, I went through the list of items to do throughout the semester and plunked them into a spreadsheet. Someone is officially doing this for our program, but I didn’t want to wait and assume it will be ready soon. There are no excuses allowed in this program and it’s up to me to ensure I’m on top of things.

Just one course looks like a mountain.

I don’t know much about mountain climbing, so I figure my approach will be to put one foot in front of the other and as I step I’ll have tools given to me that will help me get further up the mountain provided I do my part to learn how to use them. The school seems to have harnesses in place to help us succeed, so that is some comfort. Having watched a few films with mountain climbing scenes in them, I know I can’t rely solely on those safeties either.

The hardest mountain to climb may not be the piles of work ahead, but overcoming the urge to laze about watching TV or playing video games instead of putting the work in.

Off to start another day. We have Video Production Basics and Writing for Digital Media 1 today. After this, the weekend begins where I will be trying to find time to get all this done, go to church, and do martial arts.  Next weekend will be even harder as I have to travel for a wedding. I’m going to try and get ahead of the work to handle that. We also have to do field placement somewhere in all this.

I’m looking forward to Video Production as I’ve been wanting to learn these skills and haven’t been able to get it myself. Some things I’m great at learning on my own and others seem to require a brain rewire.

Anyway, I must hop in the shower and get ready to catch the bus.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Musings Tagged: Courage, Discipline, School

Warrior Wednesday – Chronic Pain

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Chronic pain is something that I suspect ancient warriors never had to endure because they usually didn’t live long lives. Things like Post-Concussion Syndrome probably didn’t happen since they likely died in their sleep.

School will be physically challenging for me between herniated discs that don’t seem to want to heal and the usual pain and fatigue I get from my autoimmune condition.

Despite having a wheeled laptop briefcase, my neck was angry from carrying my bag up and down stairs a few times throughout the day. I’m going to have to be diligent about using the elevators and only lifting my bag to get it on and off the bus.

I was planning on checking the concerts out, but I was in too much pain and figured it best to listen to my body and head home. There’s a lot of work ahead of me this year and I don’t want to make things extra hard on myself by being an idiot.

Other than the pain, the first day was great. I was nervous and scared on the bus in the morning. Music and my lunch pail got me through that. It’s a Rainbow Brite lunch pail my brother’s girlfriend gave me as part of my birthday gift and it was a physical reminder of support from loved ones. I used to love that show, though I can’t remember much of it now.

My classmates all seem pretty cool. Some have lived such interesting lives. Several are from other countries. The weirdest thing to me was there is another woman from my hometown with the same last name as me! I’m fairly sure we aren’t related, but I think there may be some discussions eventually about it.

My teachers are all passionate about the work they do. Between them and the alumni that visited, I’m really excited to see what this year brings.

My OSAP has already come in, so I didn’t have to wait long to get my software. The version the campus shop had was old, so I opted for a digital download. I also figured if my laptop blows up, I can at least reinstall Final Draft on my spare one or my media PC to ensure I make deadline. The only waiting I had to do was for them to verify that I’m a student. Between software installs, Facebook group adding, forms, and getting up to speed on Blackboard, it’s a good thing I read ahead during the summer.

The seminar is also moving along as the insurance rider came in. I promptly uploaded that and left a message for the man at the school board. Hopefully we’ll get that approval soon and then we just have lunch to nail down I think since I have the restaurants booked.

I’ve been so busy with school stuff that I’m going to have to do some self-training to ensure my legs are in shape for the seminar!

I had some small trouble with the bus. Apparently, in Ottawa, buses can have the same number, be going the same direction, and stop at completely different stops. The bus I took to pre-orientation had the same number as the one I took yesterday morning, but different names. This meant that the bus I took to pre-orientation went the full distance to the college and the one yesterday morning did not. I didn’t panic though and ended up learning how things are at another station.

Oh, I also had to exchange the locker shelf I bought at the campus shop because it was too wide for my locker. I took a moment and moved my locker to a better location. I figured it was better to do it now rather than wait until there are less available ones. It’s next to one of my classes and not far from an elevator or a washroom. Prime.

I haven’t figured out what my TV show should be about yet. I know one idea I have is too big for this stage in my writing career, so I have to figure something else out. I have another that *might* work.

I have no ideas at all about plays yet. That reminds me, I already have homework in the form of watching movies. At least I’ve already read the pages that are assigned for that particular course.

Off to my first day of class where we’ll jump into screen writing!

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Musings

Theatrical Tuesday – First Days

[image error]This day is an important one for many who are returning to school or going for the first time ever in their life. My toddler buddy, whom I can no longer call a toddler, is having his first day ever. He’s growing up too fast. I suppose he’s now my little buddy for lack of a better term at this time.

For some others, they welcome new additions in their families. I have two friends with newborns. One is less than 12 hours old at this point. Both families and doing well and their babies are as adorable as you might expect.

For myself and at least 4 of my friends, we’re starting college today. The day is filled with events, live music, and we meet our classmates for the first time. My lunch is packed, I’ve showered, and all that’s left is finishing my breakfast, dressing, and brushing my teeth before I head off to catch the bus.

My OSAP is in already, so I can purchase my license for the student edition of Final Draft and a locker shelf if those are available somewhere. I wish I though of the shelf sooner, but it’s been a while since I last had a locker.

I thought I’d have more done by the time this day arrived, but here it is. I could have used a little more sleep and another week, but often we must do our best with what we are given.

Thank you to all my friends and family who have supported me as I take this step.

I’m off to begin my Scriptwriting journey.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Musings Tagged: Courage

Merry Monday – A Case of Impostor Syndrome

[image error]Today, I stand at the foot of a mountain, looking up at the peak and wondering if I can make it there. At least, I hope it’s the bottom of a mountain rather than a precipice.

At the tail end of last week, I had a strong bout of impostor syndrome that went rather like this:

“I’m terrified about school. If it doesn’t lead to a job, what am I going to do? What if it does and I can’t handle the speed of the work? What if I fail? What if I’m terrible? What if my classmates don’t like me?”

My friend’s advice?

“Give it your best. Good things are already happening for you, so more will come. If you want it, you will push yourself. Take care of the present and the future will take care of itself.”

Truly wise that one is.

It’s a little more complicated for me. My eyes are getting drier as the summer humidity leaves, which makes it hard to read. The large amount of walking one day made me fatigued. I’m hoping I’ll get used to it and the tiredness will go away.

I’ve been taking a little writing break to avoid burnout as I’m anticipating that I’ll have a lot to do in the coming months.

Tomorrow, I meet my classmates for the first time and we learn about what our year ahead will entail. We’ll get the picture of the mountain, though not every rock that may trip us up along the way.

Part of me wonders if I’ve lost my mind chasing my passion for writing. It could all blow up in my face. I could just end up with more debt and no job.

But if I don’t try it, there will always be the ‘what if’ hanging over me. Some risks are worth it.

Another friend, who will be at the same school, has mentioned it feels like we’re characters on Community. I think it’s going to be an adventure-filled year!

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Filed under: Musings Tagged: Courage