Rowena Dawn's Blog, page 12

JULY 23, 2016

Hello there, again!
 
It’s been a while, I know. But better later than never. I like this expression. It gives you the chance to do things your own way. There’s always an excuse, isn’t there?
 
Do you remember that tidbit I wrote on January 1st? … How could you? It’s been over half a year since then and it’s not like you’d go back every day to reread my blog. Anyway, I’ll remind you: resolutions made at the beginning of the year are meant to be forgotten (or something like that; not even I would go back to read the exact phrase, and that says something!). 

Well, one of the resolutions I made (and of course, I had to put it in writing on my blog – that’s the smartest thing to do: promise something and don’t do it!) was that I would post something on my blog before midnight every day.

Well, I’d forgotten something very important when I wrote that: I don’t do well with rules. They wear me down. So, instead of finding fun writing on the blog, it became a chore. I hate chores, don’t you? I can do whatever I have to do as long as there’s no rule attached to it.

So, from now on, my posts will be on line when they are on line. Not before midnight or before noon. They might be in the morning or in the evening. Whenever inspiration strikes. Anyway, the post will be shared on Facebook and Twitter so everybody will know.

Besides the rules thing, which I’ve already confessed it’s so not me, I was on that roller-coaster ride (who read my posts will know what I’m talking about) and the ride went only down for a while, then took me up, so up that I had so many things to do, that I couldn’t even think about posting anything on line.

Briefly, so that I could bring you back to speed, in a span of a few months, I’ve had two accounts hacked (everything went missing – balance zero in one morning) and a fraud on the credit card, a terrible flu that didn’t want to go away, and I’ve lived (actually I’m still living!!!) next to the neighbors from hell.

I’m talking about that type of neighbors that have only two speeds: either music as loud as possible (of course, not something I’d find enjoyable - it's always like that, isn't it?) but who also hate their children with passion, which translates in constant yelling and verbal and, sometimes, physical abusing. I can hear the worst swearing and yelling in the world every single day. It seems that they don’t like their children’s interfering with their TV shows, which they watch all the time. They are on welfare so they have the time.

The problem is that no one sees nothing and does nothing, even though there have been complaints from everywhere. A couple of weeks ago, I read about a family whose child was taken by social services just because the father smoked pot, and the story had a very tragic ending. However, no one cares about children abused daily or I could say every single minute of the day.

Sometimes, I wonder what the rules are. Either they’re too elaborated for me to understand or they’re applied depending on the mood of the social workers.

Well, it seems that this is the norm, lately. I can see a lot of mothers riding the TTC. They have toddlers in strollers and they are so absorbed with their cell phones that whenever the little guy says something either they ignore the child or they yell that they can't have peace. I know raising a child is no piece of cake, however, once the child's here in the world, you have to do your best. It's not like the little guy begged you to have it.

Anyway, besides everything going on, TTC decided to improve their services. That means, with no exaggeration, that every single time I had to go downtown, whenever I went inside the station, I had my heart in my boots. I knew I’d hear a message and I wasn’t disappointed for a few months. Whenever I’d step inside I could hear one of the messages: there is a delay on line one because of track conditions (or because of signal failure, because of an alarm activated on the train, because of fire at station….).

That wasn’t so bad. Bad was when I heard something like: there’s a suspension on line one. Well, that would make my day. I would leave to work or coming back from work but I wouldn’t know how long it would take. For a train trip that should take maximum thirty minutes, I had the joy of being stuck on the subway even for three hours.

Well, I shouldn’t complain: there's quite good material on the subway. It’s a nursery of characters. Just take your pick. It’s not like you have anything else good to do. For a while, I started writing poems on my phone but the noise around wore me out and I couldn’t tune it out anymore, so I had to give up the poetry writing. And I was so proud of myself! I hadn’t written a poem since I was twelve and the first three I wrote recently got picked up for an anthology. I’m not very demonstrative, but this time I had to tell myself: good for you girl!

A few weeks ago, the town hall decided on fixing an intersection, and that meant that all the intersections related to one of the main roads leading to that crossroads were affected. You could have the chance to be on a bus that needed about twenty minutes to get from one stop to another. I take the express. Don’t get fooled by the name! That one gets stuck in traffic like any other bus. So it takes five minutes per meter! The express way, huh!

Anyway, with everything going on, I was a bit angry. A friend told me that people nowadays can’t deal with everything without a good psychologist or psychotherapist and that I bottled too much inside and I needed to talk to someone, as usually I was the one listening and no one would listen to me.

I was a bit reluctant at the beginning, however, in the end, I said it wouldn’t be bad. I wouldn't have too much to lose.

So, I found a psychologist: it sounded a bit more professional than a psychotherapist (how wrong I was!).

Anyway, I went to the first appointment with a lot of enthusiasm. I thought I could talk now, someone would listen… huh… Well, she talked for about 99.99% of the time. I told myself that it was only the first appointment and I shouldn't feel disappointed. Maybe the next one would get better.

Well, after three appointments, I knew everything about her youth, her dog and even her aunt. I also got a good piece of advice: don’t skip meals and just relax.

She knew nothing about me: it was too difficult for me to put a word in. Every time I’d open my mouth, she’d start talking again. So, due to a very strong preservation sense, I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the brief moments of silence when she’d run out of steam.

After the third appointment I knew it: I’d better spend three hours with a good book then going back to see her. It would do miracles for my well-being.  

Nonetheless, that decision did me good because I started writing again and I started a lot of interesting projects.

However, because of that, I didn’t have time to return to my blog. I saw that people came back to see if I posted something, and I do have to apologize to them. What I can say now is that I will post, probably every day, but not at a specific time of the day. It will work better that way.

I’d also like to let you know that meanwhile I’ve had a new book published, both in English and Romanian: Leap of Faith in English, and Meg La Rascruce de Drumuri in Romanian.

I will put up the links. If you leave a comment, positive or negative (how could someone learn anything without feedback?), I will send you a coupon so that you could get the eBook free.

Till next time! See you!

​

MARCH 10, 2016

March 10, 2016

Hello, everyone! 

Do you remember the ups and downs I was talking about a few days ago?

Well, this day was a definite down. 

I was disappointed by the weather – yes, it is spring, you can feel it in the air but why does a beautiful day have to be marred by a dull rain? I am always for a strong rain, which would bring revival but not the comatose weather that dominated the entire afternoon and evening.

Storms are much more appealing. At least you know where you are and the blood pumps faster when the thunder strikes followed by a strong lightning.

I was also disappointed seeing that art became a financial purpose instead of sticking with the natural one of bringing joy and sharing words and helping people evade in a new world.

Either the definition of a writer is something different from what I know or I am completely lost in a dream world.

I was also disappointed in the book I read – too much description and too much drilling into feelings and doubts related to feelings. Everything else disappeared behind long paragraphs of nothingness.

I don’t see the meaning of tens of chapters when the book is so dimwitted that you can’t even find the strength to get to chapter five. 

However, I wasn’t disappointed in friends. There are some of them that know what a friend should stand for and manage to bring a smile on your lips even when you think that the gloom and doom are endless.

Neither Rex disappointed me. Predictably, he chased all the planes crossing the skies above us and all the dogs that dared to take a stroll by our house. 

As I pointed before, this is what life looks like: up and down. Maybe the today’s disappointment will melt into tomorrow’s joy. The only thing to do is waiting and seeing. 

Tomorrow I’ll ride the TTC. I am sure there will be things to catch my attention and alleviate my boredom. 

So, let’s talk tomorrow. 

​Be happy, wherever you are. As the ancients used to say: May the Gods smile upon you!

MARCH 9, 2016

March 9, 2016

Hello, everyone! 

The only thought that has been constant in my mind today was: spring is here! 

My mind was doing cartwheels at this very thought and I can say that I spent every spare moment either in the ravine with Rex or on the balcony. 

Do you remember I was complaining about children not coming out to play? Well they still don’t, or at least with the exception of four – all of them brothers and sisters, they don’t. 

However, I don’t complain anymore. The aforementioned four can count for at least ten. They have a pair of lungs on them each and their favorite activity is to run in a circle, if possible in front of my balcony to excite Rex and they simply howl. 

I have to give it to my mutt: he wants his treats so much that he whimpers a little but no bark passes his little doggy lips. 

I also had an interesting conversation with my daughter: politics. Not Canadian or Romanian but American.

We discussed the candidates and made parallels between women in politics along history, with a brief digression towards Lucretia Borgia and Margaret Thatcher. Of course, some of the John Oliver’s shows were discussed as well.

At least it was something new because lately the only conversations were about black holes and differences between women position in the Japanese society and European one during the 17, 18th and 19th centuries. 

Sometimes, getting too intellectual in conversations is too much after a long work day. One craves shallowness and just a bit of fun. 

Even a book would do it for me. Considering that it is over midnight and I still want to finish the book I started this evening – and still have to wake up early in the morning, I will say bye for now. I am running a bit on empty after going to bed after 4 a.m. yesterday and waking up at 7 a.m.

See you, in other words!

MARCH 8, 2016

​March 8, 2016

Hello, everyone! 

I can’t boast too many activities today as I started working on the third issue of our magazine, which by the way, keeps attracting more and more readers.

Yesterday only we had over 1200 and per total since February 15, we have had around 26,000. That’s something I’d say. 

Today, besides the obligatory walks with Rex, I went out only in the evening for some shopping. Actually, I took my daughter with me, as I had to stay out with Rex and she had to go inside and do the shopping. 

I was simply amazed by the way people park their cars. It seems that our society is growing more and more selfish day by day.
 
First I spied a lady who parked her car exactly in front of the supermarket – it would have been too difficult to go to the parking area. She blocked everyone coming out with their carts. They had to take it round so that they could get to the parking lot and to their cars. 

Then, another lady, unfortunately (I don’t like the general talking about women and cars, but here we are, evidence in front of our eyes and it is irrefutable), simply parked her car in the middle of the road. No cars could pass by, one way or another. Drivers had to drive towards the other end of the parking lot and get out there. 

Anyway, I am happy I don’t drive (well, I do, but not in Toronto – with the parking downtown, it is a bit problematic and I prefer not to be encumbered with such menial things). 

I was very happy to see that my weird mutt is extremely intelligent. It was enough to send my daughter to Dollarama to buy him a toy only once when we were together and it seems that now he is aware that there’s the realm of toys.

The moment we passed by Dollarama he started to pull on his leash to go inside. I told him it was not his day, as he’d forgotten about the pact with the stars and the planes and he’d started to bark again. 

When we got back home and went out on the balcony, the stars were up and, of course, karma, I think, made it that a plane flew by. He tried to bark but controlled himself and whimpering looked at me to show me that he is good. Luckily for me, though, we will not pass by that Dollarama till weekend. 

​Now that I complained about parking and about my dog’s fetish for toys (he’s got tens of toys, my bedroom overflows), I will say good night, or good morning, but better good bye. Till next time. 

MARCH 7, 2016

March 7, 2016
 
Hello, everyone!

One of the films I loved most and I could watch several times was Steve Martin’s “Parenthood”. At the end of the film, the grandmother, representative of the oldest generation in the film, said that she never liked to ride in the Merry Go Round because it was just boring. She always preferred the roller coaster because of the thrills and of the ride going up and down. She made an interesting parallel between the roller coaster and life in general.

That’s actually life: up and down, with unpredictable turns, with thrills and fears.

My day today reminded me of that specific affirmation.

First thing in the morning, I was down, really down, running on almost four hours of sleep.

I hardly made my coffee, as usual, actually, putting sugar in the sink instead in the cup. Now, I took up of putting the cup directly in the sink so that I don’t have to clean so early in the morning.

Then, I took my usual morning walk with the dog, outside in the ravine. The weather turned mild and I had the surprise of seeing ducks at the creek. A definite up moment that made me begin enjoying my day.

We met the little dog I mentioned before – the one determined to play with Rex even if he’s antisocial and mean. Of course, she was determined to play again. As a matter of fact she led her master in a run to meet Rex, which wasn’t quite pleasant for the poor man, who is a bit over seventy.

And then I had to go to work. I was happy that the bus came fast – an up point in my day, and moreover, I even found a seat, which was a real blessing considering that I had my laptop to carry.

Downside: the bus was crawling instead of running. I am sure I could have walked beside the bus and got to my destination exactly the same time.

I hoped it was for a stop only, and then for two or three, but when I got to Leslie and the guy was still driving like a ninety-year woman with thick glasses and shaking hands, I decided to go and ask what was going on. He told me he had a schedule to respect and he was too fast earlier so now he had to stop at each stop and drive very slowly.

For a moment there, I didn’t know what to do. Sitting in that bus meant clearly to be late for work, however, getting off and waiting for another didn’t mean that another bus was behind. The driver told me that an express should be behind him and that helped me made my mind. It was a very smart decision. The express came in only one minute and I got to the subway in time. So, an up point for the day.

I got to work in time with time to spare and therefore I went to buy myself a coffee from Tim. Definitely not a smart move: the line was long and moving slowly. In the end, I got to work almost in time if not with two or three minutes late: down for the day.

There, I was welcomed by a few colleagues who haven’t seen me in a while – I had been sick for a few weeks, actually, and they all had read my books and wanted them signed. It felt good: upside point in my day.

Then, one of the ladies asked me why there was no sex scene in the book. Embarrassing question for me but I had to explain to her that my mother reads my books and I cannot have my fantasies for her to read. She disagreed with me but advised me to write a book and keep it from my mother. Huh! That’s a bit impossible!

Anyway, a down moment came almost immediately: I got a raise – a whooping 1.1% increase in my pay, so now, probably, with the taxes and passing over the threshold, my paycheck would be lower than it was up to now. After having had my account hacked last month, this is like the cherry on top. Definitely, a down point for my day!

I got an interesting job offer today – up point for me. However, the pay was similar to what I have, the work double – down point for me. I said no.

The trip back home was a definite down point. The subway was packed and stopped every time after leaving the station. Actually, the first wagon would go into the tunnel and the train would stop. We could see the platform and wait for the train to move again. My one-hour trip turned into an hour and a half. That’s why I love TTC dearly.

Getting home, I found a note stuck in my door: they will shut the water off tomorrow for repairs. Definitely not an up point for me! The roller coaster is going down and down and down.  

I had my evening conversation with my daughter and found out that one of her colleagues went to a party on Saturday and was drugged. She ended at the emergency room in the hospital as she had lost consciousness. They kept her there till morning, however, no doctor checked on her.

I shouldn’t wonder. I had a friend who got to emergency room with a knee fracture and after four hours they didn’t do anything for her. In the end, they gave her some painkillers and sent her home setting an appointment with the doctor for after a week. Only then, they established she had a fracture. So, the medical system is a down point for the life roller coaster here. That’s clear.

However, I have a good book waiting for me, even if it is half past twelve and that’s an up point for me.

​See you tomorrow!
 

MARCH 6, 2016

March 6, 2016

Hello, everyone! 

It seems I’m still here even though for a flitting moment I was thinking that there was nothing interesting I could say over this weekend. 

Maybe it isn’t. It’s not like I’m a weekend butterfly to have lots of stories to share.

Once, I might have had, in the days when I’d liked to go out to spend time in a club or in a disco. Nowadays, weekends are mostly for lazing out, just drifting through the days, and on Sundays, especially, dreading the week to come  although the same time I love to throw myself into the life again and talk to people. 

I always regretted I couldn’t paint. I’d have loved to paint portraits as there are so many interesting people out there! Alas, even my stick people don’t resemble to stick people and I find that sometimes words defy the accuracy of a good portrait. 

I like watching the scene of life with all its quirks. It’s funny though that once I preferred to be an actor and now I prefer the role of spectator. 

I like the multitude of characters one can see in one single day. It’s like a perpetual theatre play even when the dialogue is mute or maybe more addicting when you cannot hear the words but you get to create situations in your mind. God knows if anything of that is true!

Sometimes, everything unfolds before your eyes and you don’t have to create a situation or invent a dialogue. 

For instance, the couple I spied on the subway and later on the bus today: young, around twenty, a very beautiful and very drunk young girl and a giddy young boy. 

She was so drunk that any kind of inhibitions disappeared and she acted like a wild spirit completely out of place in the calm Sunday afternoon. She was happy and she didn’t care about some of the looks trained on her and the guy simply tried hard to keep up with her. 

It’s difficult to describe what she did or reiterate what she said. However, she gave the impression of a little nymph running along the platform at the subway or hopping over the stairs towards the bus, her long hair flying behind her like a scarf and long pants getting caught in the toes of her boots. There were moments when I thought she’d topple over, but she managed to keep her balance with the help of her boyfriend that didn’t know how to calm her enthusiasm. 

She was in a world of her own. There was just she and her young man and nothing else mattered but the euphoria of the moment.   

On the bus, she started chattering like a magpie in such a loud voice that the entire bus couldn’t do anything else but to look at her. The guy was shushing her now and then but it wasn’t clear if she could hear him. 

Anyway, the things she would say would have made a nun blush to the top of her ears. She was very clear and descriptive in expressing her wants and that at the top of her lungs. The poor guy was alternating between saying “Shush!” at every sentence and a strained laugh that couldn’t hide what he felt hearing the things she uttered. 

There were a few ladies that smirked, an old one even commented about the shameless of the young generation, a gentleman that commented as well, but hypocritically, as you could see that his ears practically were pointed towards the spirit of the woods not to miss anything she was saying. 

Hopefully, the young girl got her wishes fulfilled and hopefully, she has a hard head and won’t have a too bad hangover tomorrow. It would be a pity. 

I hope you too, the one reading this, would be okay tomorrow. Sometimes, weekends can blur things and one might pass over boundaries. Let’s hope you have a smooth beginning of the week. 

​Have a nice Monday! Good-bye!