Carol Wyer's Blog: Carol Wyer, page 5

The Happy Channel #sundayblog

I was browsing around the web the other day, supposedly researching for my book but actually getting distracted by social media and I met a very interesting woman, Lisa Eve, who has created a superb website called The Happy Channel.

Well, you know me –  anything “happy” has to be worth exploring and indeed this website is. It is filled with videos and links to inspire, cheer and make you you gasp. You can watch a dog going wild on a trampoline, pick up tips on how to be happy, sing along with a heart-lifting song and much, much more.

Lisa Eve’s ‘happy’ journey began back in 2007. As she says:

“I knew the world needed a pick-me-up. On this journey I received amazing life lessons through travel and exploration, and after a move to Maui, I found myself living in happiness like never before!

I knew then it was time to create and share The Happy Channel with YOU!

A labor of love, as I continue to grow and expand, the site grows and takes on an experience of its own!

This experience is reflected by my commitment to living life, fully! Since living on Maui, I have also lived on Kaua’i and I currently reside in South FL. Who knows where I’ll go next!

I love to share the happy and it is my mission to bring smiles, inspiration and delight back into people’s lives!”

So goo along, browse the categories and read the articles you fancy and sign up for happy fix. It is well worth it. #FindYourHappy

Click HERE to open a new window for The Happy Channel

Feel Good Friday #FridayFeeling

As usual I have some funnies to get you in the mood for the weekend. Big shout out to Michelle again for sending me the first joke and lots of others on Twitter and to Fran for the second. (She sends me emails every week that make me guffaw.) And finally to Jacqueline Gum for the last. Keep ’em coming.

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A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00.

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.

It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where’s the money?”

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido where’s the money?

Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s temple and says, “Ask him again!”

The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”

Guido signs back, “OK!! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”

The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”

The lawyer replies, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”

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A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Walmart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, “And here’s something for you, Diploma,” or “This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma,” and so on.

Eventually a bewildered shopper who had heard all this finally asked, “Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?”

The grandmother replied, “I sent my daughter to college and this is what she came home with!”

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Four women meet up at a school reunion thirty years after they left school.

One heads straight to the buffet while the other three immediately start talking about how successful their sons have become.

The first boasts that her son studied economics, became a banker and now was so rich, he had just given his best friend a brand new Ferrari.

The second announces her son studied to be a pilot, started his own airline and was now so rich, he had recently given his best friend a jet.

The third can’t wait to tell the others that her son studied to be an engineer, started his own development company and was now so filthy rich, he had just had a castle constructed for his best friend.

The fourth lady wonders back with a plate full of food and seeing the excited looks on their faces asks what’s going on.

They tell her they were disuusing their sons and ask her about her own son.

She tells them her son is gay and he works in a gay bar.

The other three shake their heads and say she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful.

“Oh no!!” replies the Lady, he is doing really well. “Last week on his birthday, he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from three of his boyfriends.”

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Nostalgia is Good for You #memories

The 70’s was a great time for television, with UK clasics such as Rising Damp, The Benny Hill Show and On The Buses sitting alongside US imports like Star Trek, Taxi, Kojak and yes, even Dallas. Studies have shown that those of us who were children in the 1970s are the happiest generation and I wonder if that is in part to some of the shows we watched or listened to.

It has also been proven that a little trip down nostalgia alley does you good so in order to get you reminiscing, here’s a little quiz I was sent. Apologies to my friends abroad who might not know some of the shows I mention. Please feel free to add your own memories in the comment section and get us all remembering a time when we ate black jacks, raced about on Chopper bikes or roller skates and played marbles.

1. Benny Hill had a Christmas Number One in 1971 with which of his TV show characters?

a Eric

b Ernie

c Earl

2. What was the name of the car in the Dukes of Hazzard?

a General Lee

b Corporal Jones

c Sergeant Smith

3. What character did Dennis Waterman play in the TV programme The Sweeney?

a Detective Sergeant Jim Carter

b Detective Sergeant John Carter

c Detective Sergeant George Carter

4. What was the name of the assistant to Charlie in Charlie’s Angels and served as the face of the Townsend Agency?

a Jeff Beasley

b Jack Barsley

c John Bosley

5. What was the name of Frank Spencer’s wife in Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em?

a Beryl

b Betty

c Bessie

6. What was the name of the family the Fonz stayed with in the TV series Happy Days?

a The Cunningham family

b The Callaghan family

c The Costello family

7. What was the name of the character played by Warren Mitchell in Till Death Do Us Part?

a Alf Emerald

b Alf Garnet

c Alf Diamond

8. What does CHiPs stand for in the American TV drama?

a California Highway Patrol

b Colorado Highway Patrol

c Central Highway Patrol

9. What was the name of the father in the series Steptoe and Son?

a Alfred Steptoe

b Albert Steptoe

c Arthur Steptoe

10. What did the ‘T’ stand for in Captain James T. Kirk’s name?

a Theodore

b Tarquin

c Tiberius

11. Who owned the iconic car from Starsky and Hutch?

a David Starsky

b Police HQ

c Kenneth ‘Hutch’ Hutchinson

12. What planet did Mork come from in the TV comedy Mork & Mindy?

a Urc

b Arc

c Ork

13. What year did the popular TV drama Dallas start?

a 1976

b 1977

c 1978

14. In Diff’rent Strokes, Arnold and Willis were taken in and looked after by a rich white Park Avenue businessman and widower named?

a Richard Drummond

b Phillip Drummond

c Brian Drummond

15. In the popular British TV sitcom Rising Damp, what was the name of the character played by Don Warrington?

a Philip

b Rigsby

c Spooner

 

Answers:

b Ernie
a General Lee
c Detective Sergeant George Carter
c John Bosley
b Betty
a The Cunningham family
b Alf Garnet
a California Highway Patrol
b Albert Steptoe
c Tiberius
a David Starsky
c Ork
c 1978
b Phillip Drummond
a Philip

Editing Tips For Final Draft #amediting

Like many writers, I am heartily sick of my novel by the time I get to the point of sending it to the editor. I can barely bring myself to read back through it any more yet I know I should. I will have missed something.

I discovered this excellent post from Kat Stiles of She Writes that helps focus the mind when you are weary of typing…reading…typing and reading some more. Before you press send and your manuscript hurtles towards the editor or to be published, consider the following. You’ll be glad you did:

You’ve read all the great editing books, went through the manuscript at least a dozen times, fixed the largest gaping plot holes and checked your grammar (manually). The beta readers have even given their blessing. Think your epic novel is finally ready? Before you hit the send button, check out these ten pointers to ensure your novel is really ready for publication.

#10 Look for excessive detail of mundane actions

There’s no need to do a play by play when a character washes her hands. I recently read a novel that did this over and over, it was almost like reading stage directions. There’s a reason why no one ever uses the bathroom in the movies. Nobody cares, and it doesn’t add anything to plot. Keep the mundane stuff short or even better, just cut it if you can.

#9 Look for point-of-view (POV) violations

POV violations can be subtle – a simple thought of a love interest can do it. Even if your novel is in third person (if it’s not omniscient) then you should only be able to see the thoughts of the main character.

#8 Look for repetition of monologue and dialogue

If you say it in the internal monologue, there’s no need to also say it in dialogue. Summarize or use non-verbal to convey it to the other person, or just include it in the dialogue and not the internal monologue.

#7 Look for fancy punctuation

By fancy punctuation, I mean anything other than a period or comma. This includes the exclamation point, semi-colon, colon, and parentheses. I didn’t think I had a problem with these until I did a search and found a ridiculous number of them littering my manuscript. Some general rules: If you say, “she exclaimed,” then there’s no need to use an exclamation point. There’s almost no reason to use an exclamation point in internal monologue, it’s over the top. Semi-colons are wonderful, but too many of them are distracting. Same goes for colons and parentheses, they’re unusual enough to take you out of the moment when you come across them.

#6 Look for fancy tags

Fancy tags are also a terrific way to bring you out of the magic world of reading and focus on something that doesn’t matter. “Said” is the most common tag and the job of the tag is to let the reader know who is speaking. When there only two speakers, you don’t even need tags. You especially don’t need tags if you express a character’s thought immediately before or after the spoken sentence, because it’s then obvious who’s speaking. But too many “replied, implied, conjectured, retorted, asked,” and many other exciting ways to say “said” rips the reader out of the story to process the fancy tag. Don’t be afraid of “said.” It’s straightforward and keeps the focus on the dialogue, where it belongs.

#5 Look for your favorite words and phrases

Every writer has something they repeat ad nausem, whether it’s a verb, phrase, or even a dreaded adverb. I had trouble with smiling. Everyone was smiling all the time, and in individual scenes I had characters smiling three or four times. If you don’t know your own favorites, then read one of your longer scenes aloud slowly, that should bring them out in the open. Once you figure out your favorites, use the find feature to see all occurrences. It’s especially important to not have them in close proximity to one another, even if it’s a common word or phrase. Find different ways to express what you’re trying to show but don’t resort to a thesaurus – using a flowery or unusual way to say something simple is pretentious. Unless of course, your book is pretentious, then in that case go right ahead.

#4 Look for common filler words and excessive modifiers

Filler words are words that don’t really add much to the sentence. It’s not the same as spoken filler words like “um, like, er,” unless you really do write them. I find in writing I have the most trouble with: that, I think, I believe, just, and a lot of others. If you can write the sentence without it, it will make your writing stronger. Same goes for modifiers – sometimes, most, only, a little, a lot – all of these should be used sparingly. Speaking of adverbs…

#3 Look for excessive adverbs

Adverbs are the very bane of a writer’s existence. It’s kinda the easy way out, to make it obvious exactly what’s going on, but most of the time they’re not even needed. I see adverbs most often modifying tags, but if the dialogue itself is strong enough, the adverb is superfluous. Easiest way to search for adverbs, just look for “ly.” You don’t have to eradicate all adverbs, but look for opportunities to rewrite without them.

#2 Do a formatting check

Formatting can vary from publisher to publisher, so be sure to follow guidelines. Most involve font/font size, single or double spaced, proper header/footer information and margin sizes. If you have any questions in general as to how your novel should look, you can pop open any published book and see the punctuation and paragraph formatting. There are exceptions in some of the newer novels, but most follow a similar format.

#1 Do one last line edit / grammar check

Always a good idea. Best way? Read it aloud. Have I mentioned that before? Yes. That’s because it’s a great way to find omitted words, homonyms and other nefarious word traps you think are perfectly fine when you read them. Your eyes tend to scan and fill in words you expect to be there. If you take your time reading it aloud, you just might uncover some issues you didn’t see the last time around.

This post was first published on She Writes

How To Write Good #amwriting

I spend a lot of time online researching and looking out for amusing bits and pieces that I think you might enjoy. I often get quite carried away especially when I find a new site packed full of information that interests me.

In searching for some jokes for my Feel Good Friday post last week, I stumbled across Jenn Flynn-Shon’s blog which has all sorts of useful help, suggestions and stuff for writers from protecting your self-published online writing from theft to using your blog as a marketing tool and much more. This lady knows her stuff.

I met up with Jenn on Twitter and she kindly let me “steal” the funny below.

If you get a chance drop by her blog and say hello. It is full of fun fiction and self-publishing tips if you are starting out as a writer. I reckon almost any question you have will be answered there, so go and hang out there for a while.

Click HERE to open a new window and go to Jenn’s blog.

Feel Good Friday #FridayFeeling

Friday is here again and I have a mixed bag of daft jokes to lighten the mood and set you up for the weekend. If you heard me talking about Happy Heart Syndrome on the radio last week, you’ll know laughter is good for you!

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A shaggy dog tale

A dog carrying a note in his mouth entered a butcher’s shop, sat down and stared at the butcher.

The butcher took the note and read, “Can I have a steak and three large sausages please?”

The butcher got the steak and the sausages and put them into a large plastic bag. When he turned back around he was surprised to see a twenty pound note in the dog’s mouth.

He took the note, handed out the bag of meat to the dog who duly took it from him and and padded off.

The astounded butcher closed up shop and followed the amazing dog. The pair soon came to a bus stop. The dog looked at the timetable and sat down on the bench.

The first bus came and the dog got up and trotted over to the front of the bus,

looked at the number and sat back down.

Ten minutes later, another bus came and again the dog looked at the bus number and this time got on the bus, the butcher closely following.

The bus rumbled on and at the fifth stop the dog jumped off; butcher in tow.

The pair walked down a street until they reached a house with a yellow door. The dog set down the meat on the doorstep and headbutted the door. He waited and then took a run at the door, headbutting it again more loudly. He waited, tail wagging. Nothing happened so he jumped up against the front window sill and headbutted the window.

Again he waited. Finally he lifted a large paw and knocked at the window loudly.

At last the front door opened and a man emerged and immediately began yelling at the dog who calmly collected the bag meat and waited to be let in.

The butcher ran up to the man and said, “Why are you yelling at your dog. It’s an amazing canine.”

“What are you talking about?” replied the man. “This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his key!”

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One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, “There are no fish down there.”

He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”

He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”

He looked up into the sky and asked, “God, is that you?”

“No, you idiot,” the voice said, “it’s the ice rink manager.”

*

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.

All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!

He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.

‘Was the other Indian crazy or what?’

The Indian replied ‘No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there’s a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave.

The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered,

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’

Immediately, there was the answer.

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.

As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking,

‘Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.

There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!’

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ Like the others, he then heard an answering call, ‘WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!’

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read …

NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!

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Have a good weekend!

Grumpies, videos and aeroplanes

At last! I seem to be getting the hang of this whole video malarky and am rather pleased with this short video I made for The Grumpy Travel Show. This one is a British recommendation so not far to travel if you live in the UK. Bet you don’t spot Grumpy.

By the way, please ignore my pale, wrinkled face. I’d had a long day.

Writers Beware #awards

I’ve spoken before about awards and why writers should be careful when entering their books. So many awards offer little more than the opportunity to purchase stickers announcing you were a runner up or silver award winner.

Last year, I entered Grumpy Old Menopause for The Wishing Shelf Awards. This is one of the few awards I would consider recommending as you receive excellent feedback from an independent team of judges as well as promotion, help and more. This year, I entered Three Little Birds and am delighted to say it has been shortlisted as a finalist and I wait to hear if it has made it.

I met Edward who runs the award at The People’s Book Prize award in 2014. where he won the award for his children’s book I Think I Murderd Miss. We discussed the merits of awards at leangth and he told me about his aim to provide an award that writers would be proud of and would gain from. (All money raised n entrance fees is piled back into advertising on Goodread and magazines on and promoting the finalists.)

Edward says:

“The Wishing Shelf Book Awards boasts 100% satisfaction from every publisher and author who has, so far, entered (42 in the first year, 104 in the second and 155 in the third) . The problem with other awards is, if you win, you win. Fantastic! But if you don’t, you get nothing. With our award, every entrant, finalist or not, gets all the feedback from the judging, a catchy quote for the back of their next book or reprint and a review on Amazon and Goodreads. Then, if you are a finalist, you also get a logo, a certificate, marketing on the web and their book advertised on Goodreads.com. In 2013, we even organised for the all finalists in the children’s category to have their book reviewed by The School Librarian. The authors were very happy.

With so many awards right now, particularly for self-published authors, the author is simply a ‘$’ or a ‘£’ sign. Even if they win, by then the organisers are concentrating on getting next year’s authors to enter. But we answer every email personally and we ask authors to send us the blurb of their book prior to entering; if we think it’s not the sort of thing our readers will enjoy, we urge them not to enter (we turn away approx. 10% at the moment; I often read the first chapter on Amazon (Look Inside) and if it’s full of errors and needs a good edit, I tell the author not to bother). There is even a Facebook page so the authors can make suggestions on how to improve the awards and how to best spend the entry fees to best market their books.

If you are interested in entering The Wishing Shelf Book Awards, everything you need to know is right here. I can promise you your work will be respected and the benefits will far out-weigh the cost. In fact, I’m so confident in how well the award is run, if you’re not happy at the end, I will refund you your entry fee.”

If you are considering entering your book for an award then have a look at the Wishing Shelf Award website and see what you think.

A Guide to British Humour

As you may know I often write about humour and the importance of laughter but many people who follow this blog or indeed read my books, might not quite fully understand the British sense of humour. It is unique and varied and for those not brought up here in Old Blighty – bewildering.

I came across this witty article which possibly explains it. There and again, it is more likely to cause more confusion but hopefully, you will laugh at it.

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“British Humour should be rammed down the throat, twice nightly”

~ Noel Coward on British Humour

“It is clear that humour is far superior to humor.”

~ Oscar Wilde on British Humour

“Like hell.”

~ Mark Twain on British Humour

British humour (American insubordinates: note the spelling) is the greatest of all forms of entertainment. No foreign person ever invented has truly understood this, especially not inhabitants of the good nation of America. This handy, helpful guide will let you, Johnny Foreigner, get to grips with this important part of British culture.

Before we start, two extremely important ground rules should be brought to the attention of the non-British.

We (the British) don’t like you. We’re either scared of you or we laugh at you, and I’m talking the horrible, cynical, soul-crushing, ego-destroying laughter.

We (the British) don’t like ourselves. We’re socially inept, we’ve pissed our Empire up the wall, we’ve pissed off everyone in our own continent of Europe and the rest of the world and our only friends are the United States.

Collectively, the way we disguise these two loathings is called our humour.

The History of Humour

“The very words on the page make my nipples stride forth with purpose”

~ A Britisher on William Shakespeare’s words on the page

Monty python

King George V and his merry men doing their “Comedy Knights” sketch at Jongleurs in London.

Humour was invented in Britain in 1066 by John Cleese when he was heard to quip, “Those Normans will be making a carpet about this!” Unfortunately, he was correct, but who can guess what the French will do next?!

The development of humour was slow during the Dark Ages that followed, mostly because French people ruled the country and as everyone knows French people have a rubbish sense of humour. Lousy cheese eating surrender monkeys.

The next jump in humour was the development of actors, invented in 1584 by William Shakespeare. The use of actors allowed the spreading of humour further than ever before as their main job was to ram humour down the throats of those who came to watch them. Shakespeare has been credited with the invention of innumerable hilarious one-liners such as “Out, out damned spot”, “To be or not to be, that is the question”, “God, I want to die”, and “I bite my thumb at thee”.

True British humour only really came to the fore after the invention of the radio in 1910 by then top comedian King George V. This allowed the much more subtle play on words style of humour associated with the British today.

The current state of British humour is one of disarray. Monty Python, the famous snake-charmer and fortune-teller, has often been quoted as the biggest influence of current surreal comedy in the UK, with his own cult following. Current devotees of the Cult of Python are Queen Elizabeth II, Harold Shipman, The Mighty Boosh and Tony Blair, amongst other famous comedians.

The Essential Components of British Humouredit

Sarcasm

Oxford English Dictionary definition of Sarcasm: “If I could say this and roll my eyes it would be funny.”

Sarcasm is the “use” of “quotation marks” around any “word” to “make” it “funnier”. You will know when “Johnny Foreigner” does this because he will actually use his “fingers” to make little “speech mark things” in the “air”. The thing about British “people” is that they don’t always do this so it can be “hard” to tell when they are being “sarcastic”. An example of “sarcasm” is “Johnny Foreigner now understands British humour completely!”

 

Read the full article by clicking HERE

February 29th- #funfacts #jokes

In honour of the fact today is 29th February and women all over the world are proposing to their men today while others are actually having a “proper” birthday, here’s some entertaining “stuff” about leap years and 29th February:

1. Queen Margaret of Scotland was apparently five years old when she came up with the notorious February 29 proposal trap.

2. If a man did refuse the proposal, he would be fined a kiss, a silk dress or twelve pairs of gloves.

3. Women either have to wear breeches or a scarlet petticoat to pop the question, according to tradition.

4. One in five engaged couples in Greece will plan to avoid getting married in a leap year. They believe it is bad luck.

5. People born on February 29 are called “leaplings” or “leapers”.

6. The odds of being born on February 29th are 1 in 1,461, which makes it particularly rare for one leapling to meet another.

7.The possibility that three children in the same family would be born on three consecutive Leap Days, but that’s exactly what happened with the Henriksen family of Norway. Heidi Henriksen was born on 2/29/1960, her brother Olav four years later on 2/29/64, and baby Leif-Martin four years after that on 2/29/68.

8. The poet Lord Byron was born on a Leap Day.

9. The plot of Gilbert & Sullivan’s Pirates of Penzance revolved around Frederic’s discovery that, because he is a leapling, he must remain apprenticed to pirates and serve another 63 years before he can join Mabel, his one true love.

10. Anthony, Texas is the self-proclaimed “Leap Year Capital of the World”. It holds a festival which includes a guided trip to Aztec Cave, “fun at the horse farm” and square dancing.

11. Today you are working for free if you’re on a fixed annual wage.

12. Astrologers believe people born on February 29 have unusual talents, such as the ability to burp the alphabet or paint like Picasso.

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There’s an official leap day cocktail to celebrate this day called… The Leap Day Cocktail! This colourful cousin of the martini was invented by pioneering bartender Harry Craddock at London’s Savoy Hotel in 1928. According to the 1930 Savoy Cocktail Book, “it is said to have been responsible for more proposals than any other cocktail ever mixed” (see: Sadie Hawkins Day above). Whether or not you’re in the market for a freshly soused spouse, you can make your own Leap Day cocktail with Craddock’s original recipe:

1 dash lemon juice

2/3 gin

1/6 Grand Marnier

1/6 sweet vermouth

Shake, serve, garnish with a lemon peel, and enjoy the flood of bittersweet flavors. It’s like a marriage, in your mouth!

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Jokes

I wasn’t going to celebrate Leap Day, but I decided to jump on the band wagon.

I’m going to get married on February 29th, so I only have to remember our anniversary once every 4 years.

Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes?

He liked a good croak and dagger.