Tracy St. John's Blog, page 6

Now Available for Pre-Order - Dark Empire Book Five

 

Dark Empire is back! The fifth installment will be out July 26. You can pre-order now at Amazon, AmazonUK, Nook, Smashwords, Apple, and Kobo; print is already on sale. Sample excerpts will begin running on the blog on Wednesday.

All-out war has begun, with innocents caught in thecrossfire.

Former nun Cheryl Taupin and her husband Nobek Besral,in charge of the remaining orphans of Earth’s Armageddon, watch the terribleevents unfolding in the Dark-overrun Galactic Council of Planets. Kalquoriansin Galactic Council space are being rounded up to suffer an unknown fate andmartial law is declared on many of the system’s worlds. A desperate plea to theKalquorian Empire sends Admiral Piras and Captain Kila to the orphanage…but howcan a lone spyship protect hundreds of children against the full might of theGalactic Council’s warships bent on destruction?

Charity Nath has been brought to Alpha Space Stationto hide from those determined to exact vengeance against her father. Young andirrepressible, she’s determined to claim a measure of freedom from stiflingrestrictions placed on her. When her identity and location are revealed, herKalquorian protectors must thwart those who’d harm her while contending withher stubborn refusal to be kept in check.

Imdiko Betra has done his best to put the past behindhim. He knows letting go of the only woman he could ever love was the bestcourse of action. But when he encounters Shalia Monroe again, his heart speakslouder than his conscience. Will unquenchable desire destroy the life she’sbuilt, or will Betra’s clanmates Oses and Resan stop him from doing theunthinkable?

Against the backdrop of pandemic and plague, Kalquorand Earth II fight for their very survival against an enemy they’re onlybeginning to learn the strength of. As the All tightens its fearsome grip onthe galaxy, humans and Kalquorians alike tremble on the verge of annihilation.

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Now On Sale! Clan Beginnings: Clan and Crave - Final Excerpt

 

  

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A Nobek father's pain

* * **

After returning home, Conyod still had occasional bouts ofthe insomnia that had plagued him before he’d run away from home. He’d beenunable to sleep the night following his conversation with Sletran and hislatest invitation to come to the ranch had been gently refused. Plots swirledin his head on how to get the Nobek to stop considering him a mere child. Theyall bordered on ridiculous and Conyod knew it, but he couldn’t stop concoctingthem.

After tossing for hours, he quit trying to fall asleep. Itwas two hours until daylight, but he got up, dressed, and went to the stables.

He sat cross-legged on the ground outside Elbmur and Dresk’sstall, watching the foal sleep in the long curve of his mother’s neck. Tradingfantasies of happily-ever-after with Sletran for the more realistic plans oftraining his kestarsh brought calm, as did the pre-dawn quiet of the slumberingworld. Conyod had snagged a blanket smelling of the musky kestarsh to snugglein against the chill. Its warmth and a sense of contentment pervaded hissenses. He finally began to feel sleepy.

He was just about to lie on the straw-covered ground when hesaw movement at the corner of his eye. He looked in that direction and sawnothing but the shadowed entrance of the wooden stable. No sound. None of thekestarsh reacted, as they would should a stranger enter.

Nonetheless, Conyod’s instincts were alert, as if he hadn’tbeen on the verge of slumber seconds ago. His first thought was for the ghostknown for haunting the area before he’d been placed in the psychiatricfacility, but it hadn’t been glimpsed in years.

He summoned his courage despite his pounding heart. “Who’sthere?”

A familiar figure glided from the shadows. “You have thesenses of a Nobek, my son,” Vel said.

The old feeling of crowding prickled his skin. He couldn’tmask the accusation from his tone. “Are you up early? Or following me?”

“I heard you get up. I only wanted to check on you and makesure you’re all right.” Vel came closer and crouched next to him. “I’m doing mybest not to smother you, my son. I’m…I’m struggling though.”

“I’m sorry I snapped at you.” Conyod forced himself torelax. Next to Lafec, Vel had the hardest time controlling his need to knowwhere the youth was at any given moment.

“I can’t help worrying about you. I lost your brother. Itwould destroy me if anything happened to you too.”

It was as close as speaking the words “I love you” as aNobek could come to another grown, or nearly grown, man. Moreover, Conyod hadnever heard Vel admit to anything he could construe as a weakness. Saying hemight be unable to keep his child from harm and how it would affect him if itcame to pass was the sort of soul-bearing Conyod would have doubted Vel wascapable of.

His father was trying. It came to Conyod suddenlythat Vel was perhaps doing as well as he was able when it came to letting himgrow up normally. It simultaneously filled and broke the teen’s heart.

This may be as hands-off as it’ll get where Vel’sconcerned. Same for Mother.

He’d have to accept it if he were to manage a decentrelationship with his parents.

Conyod offered Vel a tight smile. “What do you think ofDresk? You haven’t said much, at least around me.”

Vel appeared relieved he’d switched subjects. “You can’targue against good heritage where his sire and dam are concerned. As far asDresk himself is concerned, he has excellent physical lines early. He used allsix legs for walking, right out of the gate, rather than depending on themiddle set for mere stability as most foals do.”

“I noticed it also. It’s a rare trait, isn’t it?”

They spent the next half hour discussing the newbornkestarsh before starting the day’s tasks. Though Conyod guessed the futurewould continue to see him bristling at Vel’s overprotectiveness, he at leastfelt he’d been given enough of a glimpse into his Nobek father’s heart to bearit.

* * **

Heneeded a hero and found two. Can love rescue him again?

NobekSletran never took Imdiko Conyod’s infatuation seriously when he rescued himyears before. When Conyod shows up in his life again as a strong and successfulman instead of a traumatized victim, Sletran has to reconsider the one he oncerejected and now can’t imagine life without.

Conyod hasnever given up on the man he considers his hero. Sletran is all he’s everwanted for a clanmate, and he’s determined to win him at last. But the past refusesto be laid to rest. When Conyod convinces Sletran to see him for who he’sbecome, will who he was resurface and destroy the love they’re building?

Sletran’scommanding officer Dramok Erybet is instantly fascinated by Conyod when thesoldier brings his love on base for a visit. However, Sletran isn’t the NobekErybet feels is right for him. When he rejects the Nobek, he risks losingConyod too.

Againstthe backdrop of heartbreaking childhood tragedy, a ghost who haunts Conyod andhis grief-stricken family, and military brass determined to oust Erybet fromthe rank he’s worked so hard to reach, three men must come to terms with whothey are. When tragedy strikes, the nightmares of the past must be faced andburied once and for all. Conyod, Sletran, and Erybet must dare everything tofind redemption and hold on to each other.

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Now On Sale! Clan Beginnings: Clan and Crave - Chapter Five, Scene Six

  

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The arrival of Conyod's adored Dresk

* * **

It was nearly a year before Conyod and his parents weredeemed emotionally ready for him to return home for good. Therapy was ongoing,and biannual home visits by independent psychiatrists were scheduled.Otherwise, life was to become a new normal.

Conyod’s parents had achieved varying degrees of well-being.Tuher and Sema were at far better ease. They assigned independent chores totheir son, which took him on solo rides to the nearby town or the plains. Atfirst, Vel ventured to offer to accompany Conyod on those forays. Lafecinsisted many of the errands required two people to accomplish them. They werefirmly overruled by Tuher. When Conyod returned from wherever he’d been, hedidn’t miss Lafec and Vel were working where they could anxiously watch forhim.

He did ask a parent to join him when he was to train ayearling or colt on the riskier tasks of mountain work. He wasn’t so muchafraid of Hoslek’s fate befalling him as the dark thoughts that filled his headwhen he had no choice but to confront the crags he continued to despise. Inevery cranny, he imagined coming across his brother’s remains. Sometimes hethought he saw the round dome of a skull or a rack of ribs, but it alwaysresolved to stones or sun-bleached branches dropped from trees.

He refused to go anywhere near the Pinnacle or the foothillsof Mount Evar.

The chance of finding Hoslek, however unlikely to happen,was more than Conyod could bear the thought of. Since he found he was actuallyhappy to be home again, he decided he wouldn’t tell Dr. Hupsan about theseterrible fantasies and visions, or his inability to go where the injured Geshad been discovered. Perhaps Lafec and Vel continued to be overprotective, butTuher and Sema kept them in check so Conyod wouldn’t feel suffocated.

He missed having Sletran close enough to visit, however. Hecommed the Nobek as often as he thought he could without being branded a pest.Sletran’s usual cheerful greeting of, “Hey kid, how are you?” was as much ablow to his young heart as a joy. Conyod was nearly seventeen, but it wasobvious his crush continued to see him as a child rather than a man. The factSletran didn’t always pick up or return his coms also made it clear Conyodhadn’t made the sort of impression he wanted.

Sletran did answer the com for one memorable occasion Conyodwas eager to share shortly after he’d celebrated his eighteenth birthday.“Guess who this is?” the young Imdiko said as he pointed his com’s vid lens ata tiny kestarsh foal snuggled against Elbmur’s snowy side in her stall.

“It looks as if you have a rodent problem,” Sletran teased.“Call an exterminator or it might attack your mare.”

“Hey!”

“No, I’m kidding. It’s the kestarsh your parents promisedyou, isn’t it? He’s a beauty. Quite the combination, the black coat and whitemane.”

“It’s a rare combination. He’s perfect,” Conyod gushed, hisgaze moving constantly between the foal and Sletran’s admiring vid image.

“Did you name him yet?”

“Dresk. It means joy.”

“An appropriate name, given how much joy I hear in yourvoice. Congratulations, Conyod.”

“Thanks. You should come and see him. Are you getting timeoff soon?” He did his best to keep his tone casual.

“I am, but I’m visiting my parent clan. Send me vids ofDresk. My mother would enjoy them.”

“Sure.” He swallowed disappointment. He hadn’t seen Sletranin person since their last defensive session at the mental health facility. Tryas he might, he couldn’t conjure a plausible reason for them to get together.He’d hoped Dresk’s arrival would do the trick.

* * **

Heneeded a hero and found two. Can love rescue him again?

NobekSletran never took Imdiko Conyod’s infatuation seriously when he rescued himyears before. When Conyod shows up in his life again as a strong and successfulman instead of a traumatized victim, Sletran has to reconsider the one he oncerejected and now can’t imagine life without.

Conyod hasnever given up on the man he considers his hero. Sletran is all he’s everwanted for a clanmate, and he’s determined to win him at last. But the past refusesto be laid to rest. When Conyod convinces Sletran to see him for who he’sbecome, will who he was resurface and destroy the love they’re building?

Sletran’scommanding officer Dramok Erybet is instantly fascinated by Conyod when thesoldier brings his love on base for a visit. However, Sletran isn’t the NobekErybet feels is right for him. When he rejects the Nobek, he risks losingConyod too.

Againstthe backdrop of heartbreaking childhood tragedy, a ghost who haunts Conyod andhis grief-stricken family, and military brass determined to oust Erybet fromthe rank he’s worked so hard to reach, three men must come to terms with whothey are. When tragedy strikes, the nightmares of the past must be faced andburied once and for all. Conyod, Sletran, and Erybet must dare everything tofind redemption and hold on to each other.

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Now On Sale! Clan Beginnings: Clan and Crave - Chapter Five, Scene Five

 

  

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A court-ordered visit and an incredible gift

* * **

Conyod left Dr. Onbal’s shuttle. His parents’court-appointed therapist had volunteered to bring him home to the ranch, sincehe was to be on hand for the visit. An orderly from the psychiatric facilitywhere Conyod currently lived, Dramok Cotra, followed behind him as he steppedthrough the hatch.

Conyod’s parents waited in various stages of anxiousanticipation a few steps from the home’s front door. Only the front wall wasvisible, as the rest of the abode was nestled in a small hill. Much of it wasunderground.

His heart lurched to see his mother Lafec looking somehowshrunken next to her taller and bulkier clanmates. She’d cut her midnight blackhair shorter since he’d last seen her. Her braid reached to her waist insteadof mid-thigh. Though she wore the usual work pants and blouse suited formucking stalls and training kestarsh, her clothes were scrupulously clean. Herbrown boots appeared new.

His fathers were also dressed for duty, also impressivelyclean for mid-morning as if they hadn’t been up before sunrise. He knew it wasfor show. He wondered if their spotless state was for his benefit or Dr. Onbal.

Tuher stepped forward first, Lafec on his heels. Thoughthey’d visited Conyod regularly at the mental health facility, they appearedhesitant. Did they think he’d try to run off at the slightest wrong move? Itseemed they did.

Conyod convinced his feet to carry him toward them. WhenTuher held his arms to him, his smile hopeful, the youth felt a weight slidefree. He stepped in the enveloping hug and rested his cheek against his Dramokfather’s chest. His eyes shut to hold in the tears as Tuher pressed a kiss tohis forehead.

“Thank you for coming, my son. It’s wonderful to have youhere.”

“I’m glad to be home.” For a precious moment, Conyod was.

“Conyod.” Lafec sobbed his name, and Tuher released him sohe could turn to accept her embrace.

He was surprised to find he was an inch taller than hismother. He was still smaller than the average sixteen-year-old, but he waseating better than he had in a long time. Lafec noticed too as she released thecrushing hug she’d given him. “You’re growing up, my son. Look at him! He’sgetting so tall!”

Conyod heard the note of reproach in her tone, as if he’ddone something wrong by maturing beyond her presence. He also caught thewarning glance Sema and Tuher exchanged. The Imdiko tugged their son close,forcing Lafec to reluctantly step aside.

“Indeed, he is growing up. I’m glad you look so healthy, myson. Is the food that good?” Sema chuckled as he claimed a hug.

“Nothing beats Mother’s cooking, but I’ve started an intenseexercise regimen, so I eat like a ronka. I can’t shovel enough food in my facelately.”

Conyod didn’t mention his increased appetite had largelyresulted because the anti-anxiety medication he took kept his stomach from theupset he’d suffered at home. It was easy to eat well when food wasn’t forced tomove past the knots tied in his gut.

“Taller and filling out. I’m glad.” Vel looked him over ashe pulled Conyod in his arms. Vel’s embraces were rare, which made themspecial…but the youth experienced a note of fear his Nobek father wouldn’t lethim leave later. Lafec was the clingiest, but Vel was a close second…and he waswilling and able to fight physically for what he wanted.

Conyod managed to refrain from sighing in relief when Velreleased him after a couple of beats. He looked at his parents. They looked athim. Awkward seconds passed.

Distinctive animal rumbles sounded behind Conyod, and heswiveled toward the huge corral several yards distant. An uninhibited smileburst forth as he noted over half a dozen kestarsh standing at the railslooking at him. He recognized each of the mares and the stallion Guhof, hiscurly black fur and mane gleaming in the sunlight.

“It looks as if they’re glad to see you. Say hello, or theymight kick the paddock’s posts down,” Tuher chuckled.

Conyod didn’t need to be invited twice. Laughing, he ran tothe corral and its six-legged inhabitants.

“Hello, Guhof. How are you, old friend?” He curled his armsaround the muscular neck of Clan Tuher’s prized stud and rubbed his cheek alongthe beast’s face. Guhof droned a reply, then he pulled his head back. Hisintelligent eyes inspected Conyod.

Kestarsh were among the rare animals Kalquorians haddomesticated. The sure-footed mounts were required to search treacherousmountain slopes for missing climbers and explorers. They were capable of goingplaces men and their shuttles couldn’t reach. They had many other uses as well,and the species was as prized as an able ranch hand…and often, family members.A local kestarsh’s passing was included in obituary notices alongside theirKalquorian neighbors.

Apparently, Guhof approved of the changes Conyod’s parentshad noted. His tapered muzzle lit on the teen’s forehead where Tuher had kissedhim.

“It’s great to see you too. And you, ladies.” Conyod grinnedat the mares attempting to jostle Guhof for a turn to say hello. Elbmur, hisfavorite, was the most insistent. As white as Guhof was black, she shimmered inthe sweet-scented air. It was for her the stallion moved aside to allow areunion.

“Even after so many months, you still have the touch,” Lafecsighed. “They know a caring heart and rider on sight.”

“Thank you, Mother.” It was easy to ignore the jab ofaccusation in her reminder he’d left home when Elbmur leaned her face againsthis. She fairly purred her joy.

“We’ve been thinking when you come back for good, you shouldhave your own kestarsh to keep. Perhaps a colt from Guhof and Elbmur would makean appropriate mount.”

Conyod gaped at Tuher. “Really?” The pair’s past offspringhad commanded the greatest income for the ranch.

As a rule, the kestarsh belonged to the ranch, notindividual members of the family. Being offered one to call his own was unheardof.

“You’ll have to train him as we do the rest. But yes…you’llbe the owner.” Tuher smiled.

“Thank you. Thank you all!” Elation filled Conyod, though herecognized the gift for what it was…bait for him to hasten his recovery andreturn home. Nonetheless, to have one of the beasts he adored for a lifelongcompanion was a treasure beyond compare. Only Sletran pledging himself as aclanmate could have topped such a gesture.

“Did you have breakfast?” Lafec prompted. “We waited in caseyou hadn’t.”

He hadn’t. Even his medication hadn’t been enough to calmhim to eat prior to leaving the mental facility. Now that the future included akestarsh of his own, Conyod was ravenous. “I don’t suppose swala and ronkapastries might be on the menu?”

She laughed. For a bright, shining moment she was the motherConyod had known before Hoslek’s disappearance. The strain disappeared, and shewas the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. “Already prepared and waiting togo in the cooker.”

Sema slung an arm across Conyod’s shoulders. “Lead on, myMatara. I could eat a tray full.”

She chuckled and allowed Tuher to take her arm and playfullytug her to the home in pretended impatience. Vel joined in the fun, joggingahead to trigger the door to open and gestured frantically for them to hurry.

Conyod grinned and wrapped his arm around his laughingImdiko father’s waist. They turned to go into the home.

The breath left his body as the landscape swept across hisgaze. The mountains loomed over the plain, jagged, broken teeth of a monster.His eyes instantly went to the Pinnacle, a needle-like protuberance of rock inthe lower reaches of Mount Evar. It was where Hoslek’s injured kestarsh Ges hadbeen found, the last place he might have been alive.

Conyod’s stomach dropped to his shoes. He suddenly wasn’thungry.

Sema must have felt him pause, though it was only for aninstant. He glanced at Conyod, then where the teen gazed. His arm tightened onConyod’s shoulders.

“Me too, my son. Look away and forward instead. There’s onlyhurt there and a past we can’t rewrite.”

The silent Dr. Onbal, who’d hung back with the orderly toobserve, must have overheard. Conyod noted him nodding approvingly as fatherand son walked past.

“Forward,” Conyod echoed. “Where kestarsh and especiallyswala pastries wait.”

And a certain Nobek, if he’d wait long enough for Conyod togrow up. Conyod kept his gaze on the home, ignoring the looming mountain hehated to his very soul.

* * **

Heneeded a hero and found two. Can love rescue him again?

NobekSletran never took Imdiko Conyod’s infatuation seriously when he rescued himyears before. When Conyod shows up in his life again as a strong and successfulman instead of a traumatized victim, Sletran has to reconsider the one he oncerejected and now can’t imagine life without.

Conyod hasnever given up on the man he considers his hero. Sletran is all he’s everwanted for a clanmate, and he’s determined to win him at last. But the past refusesto be laid to rest. When Conyod convinces Sletran to see him for who he’sbecome, will who he was resurface and destroy the love they’re building?

Sletran’scommanding officer Dramok Erybet is instantly fascinated by Conyod when thesoldier brings his love on base for a visit. However, Sletran isn’t the NobekErybet feels is right for him. When he rejects the Nobek, he risks losingConyod too.

Againstthe backdrop of heartbreaking childhood tragedy, a ghost who haunts Conyod andhis grief-stricken family, and military brass determined to oust Erybet fromthe rank he’s worked so hard to reach, three men must come to terms with whothey are. When tragedy strikes, the nightmares of the past must be faced andburied once and for all. Conyod, Sletran, and Erybet must dare everything tofind redemption and hold on to each other.

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Now On Sale! Clan Beginnings: Clan and Crave - Chapter Five, Scene Four

  

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Defensive training with Sletran

* * **

“Arms up, body curled, Conyod. Block, block, block.”

The young Imdiko peered between his forearms at Sletran, whocircled him while throwing soft punches. The warrior’s fists were enclosed infoam gloves, which gentled already mild blows. Conyod’s forearms kept his headand upper body shielded. He protected his belly by hunching low while searchingfor an opening to strike.

It was no use. Sletran had no weaknesses. He gave Conyod noopportunity to launch an offense.

“Question,” he called.

Sletran halted the barrage at once. He straightened and eyedhis pupil. “What’s up?”

“What am I supposed to do when my enemy offers no chance forme to fight back? That’s what’s happening here unless I’m missing something.”

“You aren’t.” Sletran grinned. “I usually leave a gap foryou to try the moves I’ve taught you, to see if you’ve been paying attention.Which you usually do, I’m glad to say.”

His praise warmed Conyod, who returned the smile. “So, youdidn’t want me to go on offense this time? Then what’s the point?”

“The point is, my young friend, often you won’t get anopening to take advantage of. At least, not right away. You may end up againstan opponent who’s too good to offer you a lucky break.”

“What do I do if it happens?”

“What you just did. Keep protecting yourself and hope yourenemy tires himself enough to make a mistake. By concentrating on defense, youwon’t get exhausted as fast, though you might be plenty bruised before heeither overcomes you or you can seize your opportunity to fight or run.”

“Or have a big, brave Nobek save my ass.”

Sletran chuckled. “Naturally. Sometimes victory is in merelysurviving. Failing to win a fight or destroy your foes but living to seeanother day with your honor intact can be reward enough.”

“Has such a situation happened to you?”

“In simulated battles as part of the ground troops, yes. Itisn’t pleasant. Nobeks hate to lose.”

“But it’s sort of pretend, isn’t it? What about for real?”

“I haven’t been challenged yet, which means it’s always onmy mind. If I face an opponent I can’t win against but come out alive, will Ibe content simply to have endured? I hope so, because as a soldier, it’s a veryreal risk.”

Conyod was quiet as he considered. Finally, he said, “Holdon until you can’t any longer. That’s the lesson?”

“Pretty much. I had an instructor who retired as a GlobalSecurity officer. He told us of having to battle two men hand-to-hand for anentire hour. He was jumped by these guys he was investigating while he was offduty, so he didn’t have his blaster on him. Just blades against blades, thenfists against fists.”

Conyod was awed. “Wow. Intense. An hour-long fight? I’m beatafter fifteen minutes, and you aren’t trying to kill me.”

“Don’t ignore basic fitness, my friend. Endurance trainingis as important as learning to defend yourself.” Sletran eyed him for a moment.“It can be said the same for preparing to face emotional and mental challengestoo. You’re visiting your parents soon.”

Conyod’s stomach instantly knotted. “Yeah. I don’t think I’mready.”

“It’s tough because you’re fighting your battles, yourparents are fighting theirs, then you end up fighting each other though youdon’t mean to.”

“Dr. Hupsan says they’re doing better. My Dramok and Imdikofathers are, anyway. I’m…” His voice died out, unable to admit the worst toSletran.

“Scared?” The Nobek squeezed his shoulder. “It isn’tanything to be ashamed of, you know. Returning to the ranch is a big step, evenfor a few hours.”

“I wish you could come with me.” It was the closest Conyodhad dared to admitting his adoration for the Nobek.

“You can do this, Conyod. The small Imdiko kid who stood upto a bunch of bigger, battle-trained Nobeks can handle anything. You don’t needme to defend you from your parents.”

It wasn’t fear making Conyod want his hero at his side.Protection had nothing to do when it came to why he wanted Sletran there.However, he hadn’t missed his hero had referred to him as a “kid.”

He’d laugh at me if I admitted I’m in love with him.Maybe when I’m eighteen he won’t see me as a child. Especially if I stopwhining how scared I am.

Two years seemed forever to wait, though.

“I’m good.” He gave Sletran what he hoped was a self-assuredsmile. “Don’t worry about me. I can do this.”

“Damned right you can.” Sletran assumed an offensive stance.“Okay, this time I’ll give you an opening. It could be soon, or it could beminutes from now, so stay alert and keep your head down.”

* * **

Heneeded a hero and found two. Can love rescue him again?

NobekSletran never took Imdiko Conyod’s infatuation seriously when he rescued himyears before. When Conyod shows up in his life again as a strong and successfulman instead of a traumatized victim, Sletran has to reconsider the one he oncerejected and now can’t imagine life without.

Conyod hasnever given up on the man he considers his hero. Sletran is all he’s everwanted for a clanmate, and he’s determined to win him at last. But the past refusesto be laid to rest. When Conyod convinces Sletran to see him for who he’sbecome, will who he was resurface and destroy the love they’re building?

Sletran’scommanding officer Dramok Erybet is instantly fascinated by Conyod when thesoldier brings his love on base for a visit. However, Sletran isn’t the NobekErybet feels is right for him. When he rejects the Nobek, he risks losingConyod too.

Againstthe backdrop of heartbreaking childhood tragedy, a ghost who haunts Conyod andhis grief-stricken family, and military brass determined to oust Erybet fromthe rank he’s worked so hard to reach, three men must come to terms with whothey are. When tragedy strikes, the nightmares of the past must be faced andburied once and for all. Conyod, Sletran, and Erybet must dare everything tofind redemption and hold on to each other.

Now on Sale: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print

 

Releasing in Tomorrow! Clan Beginnings: Clan and Crave - Chapter Five, Scene Three

  

Releasing May 31. Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print

The ghost boy haunting Conyod's home

* * **

Conyod, age 16 

“I don’t want to go home. I’m not ready.” Conyod paced Dr.Hupsan’s office, wringing his hands. He knew it for the nervous gesture it was,but he was unable to stop.

“It’s normal to be anxious,” Hupsan said, his tone steadyand calm. “It’s only for a day, Conyod. You won’t be there overnight, and anorderly will supervise the visit.”

“Maybe another month of them coming here for our visitswould be better. Yeah, I’ll be ready to go to the ranch next month. Let’s do itthen.”

“Conyod, sit down. You’re getting worked up again.”

The teen obeyed, taking the cushion across the low tablefrom his therapist. His fingers drummed the table’s top, and he winced at thenoise. He drummed his thigh instead.

Hupsan met his gaze. “Their therapist has assured me they’vemade great strides forward where misplaced grief and guilt are concerned.They’re ready for this. As are you, if you use the tools you’ve learned here.”

“Yeah. But what if they aren’t ready? My father Vel is crazyprotective. What if he won’t let me leave? How’s an orderly going to stop himfrom making me stay?”

Hupsan didn’t remark on Conyod’s rising voice. “I don’tbelieve Nobek Vel will behave in such a way. Even if he does, your Dramok andImdiko fathers won’t allow him to break the guidelines of the visitationcontract. Nor will their family counselor, who’ll be on hand to help them whileyou’re there. He’s confident Tuher and Sema are fully on board where thestipulations are concerned.”

Conyod swallowed. “They say so now, but I hurt them. Ifthey’re angry and hiding it—”

“Conyod.”

Again, there was no reprimand in Hupsan’s gentle tone.Merely caring.

Conyod drew a deep breath. The once-a-week visits hisparents were allowed at the facility where he’d been remanded had gone well forthe last four months. The first couple of attempts had been a nightmare, true,what with Lafec dissolving in hysterical tears when the time had come for theclan to leave. Vel had ended up raging, forcing Tuher and Sema to shove himthrough the exit. He’d left shouting the court and Dr. Hupsan were wrong tokeep his son caged far from his parents.

Vel hadn’t noticed the irony of accusing Hupsan of keepingConyod a virtual prisoner. It was as if he hadn’t recognized it was exactlywhat he’d done before the teen had managed to run off. It would have been funnyif it hadn’t been so horrible.

“Vel and your mother can’t override Dr. Onbal and DramokTuher, especially with Imdiko Sema backing them up. There are also emergencyprotocols local law enforcement will follow to extricate you from your homeshould the orderly request assistance or fail to check in at the appointedhour.” Hupsan gave him a level look. “Conyod, what are you really afraid of?”

How could he explain it? The fear he’d go home and findhimself unable to leave was real, as was being smothered by his parents’terror. However, his situation wasn’t much different at the institution. Hewasn’t allowed to leave its grounds unsupervised. Orderlies and security kepttabs on him in the facility.

It was different, though. He was simply a job to theinstitution’s staff. They were friendly and kind, but Conyod was one of manypatients they were paid to be responsible for.

“My existence isn’t the main focus here.” Conyod was dimlyaware he continued his line of thinking rather than answering Hupsan’squestion. “No one’s life depends on whether I’m present or if I disappear.”

“You’re important to us,” Hupsan said.

“I guess. But your world won’t end if I’m gone. My parents…Ifelt if I vanished like my brother, they’d simply…I don’t know. Cease to be.”He swallowed. “I wanted to run away ages before I did, but the fear I’d somehowcause them to die kept me from doing so until I couldn’t survive anothermoment. Is it stupid I felt not being there would kill them?”

“Not at all. You were made to feel responsible for theiremotional well-being after Hoslek’s death. No child should be asked by hisparents to shoulder such an obligation, even at your current age.”

Conyod nodded. “I think you’re right, at least in my head.But the idea of going home makes it hard to breathe. I’m afraid I’ll be crushedunder their worry.”

“I understand. I doubt you’ll be rid of the fear until youactually do return home and experience them acting differently than you expect.This short visit could go a long way to easing your concerns, if your parentsdo as they’re supposed to.”

“If they don’t—”

“Then we reassess and begin building anew.” Hupsan’s smilewas comforting. “I’m not saying there won’t be setbacks in the future, but youneed to give them a chance to do better.”

“Okay.” Doubt loaded the word.

“I gave you a project to work on. Have you considered whatwill give you a definite signal home is becoming a safe place for you to liveagain?”

Conyod had. “Nothing that would be proof for this visit.”

“No, I sincerely doubt you’d find it for a while yet. Yourassignment was for a sign you could look for in the future, maybe after a moreextended visit of a couple of days.”

“Being allowed to leave the house on my own. Even just beingoutdoors near the house when it’s dark. Maybe if they’d let me stay out allnight so I can watch for the ghost.”

“Ah, the phantom boy so many of your family’s ranch handsreported in the months prior to you running off.” Hupsan watched him sharply.“Do you believe in paranormal phenomena, Conyod?”

He shrugged. “I’ve never seen anything supernatural, but Itrust some of the guys who mentioned it.”

“Your parents were adamant the witnesses had been drinking.”

“Not all of them. Mother was convinced the ghost was real. Icaught Vel watching for it before I ran away.”

“You did?”

“I sometimes woke up at night feeling jumpy.” When Hupsan’sbrows rose, Conyod rushed to add, “I’d had a bad dream and couldn’t go back tosleep, so I decided a little walk to the stables to visit the kestarsh mighthelp.”

“I thought you weren’t allowed to leave the house when itwas dark?”

“I wasn’t. I tried to sneak out, but no matter how late itwas, I ran into my father. He was always careful when it happened, like hewas…well, Vel isn’t afraid of me, but he seemed anxious. He’d call, ‘Conyod?’as if he wasn’t sure it was me until I answered.”

“You believe he was investigating the ghost reports?”

“Why else would he be roaming outside in the middle of thenight? I doubt he believed in the ghost, but he might have been concernedsomeone was prowling around the ranch. The kestarsh are valuable.”

“Indeed. I can well understand his concerns. I’m moreinterested in why you’re wishing to encounter this so-called spirit.”

“I can be worried about the kestarsh too, can’t I? They’rethe best part of home.”

“I wonder if you’re fantasizing the ghost boy is Hoslek.”

Hupsan’s comment told Conyod he’d deduced the fascination,and there was no use denying it. The therapist’s direct gaze hinted at nothing.No derision. No judgment.

Conyod swallowed. “What if it is?”

He’d expected some form of rebuke. Because it was Hupsan, itwould be mild and couched in kind terms. It would be a rebuke, nonetheless.

The doctor surprised him. “If it’s the restless spirit ofyour brother and you have the opportunity to encounter him, you should beprepared. Have you considered what you’d say to him if given the chance?”

Conyod blinked. “Um. Well, I’d apologize.”

“For what?”

“For being such a shit when I last saw him.”

“You mean for being a little brother who wanted to followhim?”

“I threatened to tattle. I was angry because he left mebehind.”

“A perfectly normal reaction, shared by younger siblingssince time immemorial.”

“I hate it was the last thing he heard from me.” Conyodstared at his hands twisting restlessly on his lap.

“That is a hard final exchange to have had, no matter howinconsequential it would have been if Hoslek had returned. If he’d come homesafe and sound, it would have been meaningless.”

“At the same time, I wish I’d been a bigger brat and found abetter threat that would have kept him home.” His eyes stung, and he blinkedhard to make them stop.

“This is the heart of your difficulty over the loss, Conyod.This is the guilt you carry.”

The teen regarded Hupsan in surprise. “Isn’t my biggestproblem being smothered by my parents?”

“It’s the most acute issue. It’s the reason you ran fromhome, which is why the court got involved. Underlying it is a deeper pain,which hasn’t been addressed. It’s why your parents became so overwhelminglyprotective over you…guilt for having failed Hoslek.”

Conyod considered it. It had been his greatest wish to havesomehow stopped his brother from chasing the roaming mares. No thought ofHoslek occurred unless it began with if only I’d...

“Conyod, have your parents ever accused you of being atfault for your brother’s death?”

“No! They’ve never said anything like that.”

“Perhaps they didn’t have to. Maybe it was in some look youwere given or in the tone of their voices when they spoke to you?”

He shook his head. “Never. In fact, when I said I shouldhave done better a few days following the memorial service, after everyone hadgiven up on finding him, they made a big deal about it having nothing to dowith me.”

It had been quite a scene. Conyod had come into the home’scommon room one evening to find his parent clan sitting on the lounger andseating cushions surrounding the unlit firepit. The entertainment vid systemwas turned off, yet no one had spoken. They’d stared into space, theirexpressions horrible in loss.

Conyod had blurted an apology for failing to keep Hoslek athome. In an instant, his fathers and mother had sprung from their seats tosurround him. They’d clutched at him, talking over each other as they vied toreassure him he wasn’t responsible, that none of the blame was his. They’d goneon and on about how much they loved him…including Vel, who’d never utteredthose words in Conyod’s hearing.

“If they don’t blame you, why do you blame yourself?”Hupsan’s voice recalled him to the present.

“I was there. I was the only person who was around to stopHoslek, and I failed.”

“You were a little boy, Conyod. What could you have done?”

“I don’t know. There should have been something.” He hunchedhelplessly.

“There wasn’t. There was absolutely nothing you could havedone to change the result of what happened. Hoslek had made his decision, andhe was going to carry it out no matter what you did. It was a tragedy in whichno one was truly at fault. Not Hoslek, who was doing what he thought was right.Not your parents, to whom it had been proven he was responsible enough toretrieve the kestarsh when they escaped their corral, especially since ranchhands were nearby to offer help had Hoslek asked for it. Certainly not you, amere child who was under no obligation to supervise his older brother’sactions.”

Conyod raised his eyes at the firm tone. The convictionHupsan wore was ironclad.

Could it be true? Had it been no one’s fault Hoslek had dieddue to what was no doubt a chance encounter with a zibger?

He wanted to believe it, but his brother wasn’t coming home.It seemed wrong somehow to hold no one to account for the loss.

* * **

Heneeded a hero and found two. Can love rescue him again?

NobekSletran never took Imdiko Conyod’s infatuation seriously when he rescued himyears before. When Conyod shows up in his life again as a strong and successfulman instead of a traumatized victim, Sletran has to reconsider the one he oncerejected and now can’t imagine life without.

Conyod hasnever given up on the man he considers his hero. Sletran is all he’s everwanted for a clanmate, and he’s determined to win him at last. But the past refusesto be laid to rest. When Conyod convinces Sletran to see him for who he’sbecome, will who he was resurface and destroy the love they’re building?

Sletran’scommanding officer Dramok Erybet is instantly fascinated by Conyod when thesoldier brings his love on base for a visit. However, Sletran isn’t the NobekErybet feels is right for him. When he rejects the Nobek, he risks losingConyod too.

Againstthe backdrop of heartbreaking childhood tragedy, a ghost who haunts Conyod andhis grief-stricken family, and military brass determined to oust Erybet fromthe rank he’s worked so hard to reach, three men must come to terms with whothey are. When tragedy strikes, the nightmares of the past must be faced andburied once and for all. Conyod, Sletran, and Erybet must dare everything tofind redemption and hold on to each other.

Releasing tomorrow, May 31.  Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print

 

 

Releasing in Two Days - Clan Beginnings: Clan and Crave - Chapter Five, Scene Two

 

Releasing May 31. Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print

Sletran's his hero...but Conyod also recognizes him as a man

 * * * * 

Conyod knew little of the intricacies of fighting on thebattlefield. He couldn’t have said he cared the least bit about the subject.However, Sletran was glowing after his successful day, and Conyod was happy forhim. Though he couldn’t easily follow the description of the tactics hiscompanion used to defeat the other squads he’d been set against, it was clearSletran had exceeded expectations during the surprise war games. Beingpersonally lauded by his superiors after having conquered key positions and defeatingthe most opponents was obviously a big deal. Conyod ate his order of broiledrizpah, drank his kloq, and listened carefully to every wonderful, if sometimesincomprehensible, word Sletran uttered.

As he did so, Conyod became aware of a new facet of hisconcept of Sletran: he was beginning to see the Nobek as a flesh-and-blood man.An actual person rather than the idealized idol he’d been for so many years.

He still regarded Sletran as his personal hero. He’d turnedConyod’s life around at a sensitive time, when hope had been its lowest. Butnow the Imdiko was finally learning the true person Sletran was.

Bringing the Nobek down to earth did nothing to detract fromhis appeal. Conyod found this relatable, real Sletran far more alluring thanthe untouchable icon he’d rendered him in his ridiculous fantasies. What hadbeen childish devotion and perhaps obsession was transformed into a truerfeeling. Teen Conyod had dreamed of following Sletran like a sycophant,endlessly offering adoration. Mature Conyod wondered if he and Sletran couldhave enough in common to walk into the future side by side as peers, friends,and lovers.

When Sletran reached across the small table and strokedfingertips on Conyod’s hand…such a small but profound gesture…the younger manthought his heart might burst. Compulsive craving for a symbol was transformingto love for the genuine article.

“Hey, I’ve been talking nonstop about myself,” Sletransuddenly said. “What’s going on in Conyod Land? I’ve been meaning to ask howyour parents are.”

* * **

Heneeded a hero and found two. Can love rescue him again?

NobekSletran never took Imdiko Conyod’s infatuation seriously when he rescued himyears before. When Conyod shows up in his life again as a strong and successfulman instead of a traumatized victim, Sletran has to reconsider the one he oncerejected and now can’t imagine life without.

Conyod hasnever given up on the man he considers his hero. Sletran is all he’s everwanted for a clanmate, and he’s determined to win him at last. But the past refusesto be laid to rest. When Conyod convinces Sletran to see him for who he’sbecome, will who he was resurface and destroy the love they’re building?

Sletran’scommanding officer Dramok Erybet is instantly fascinated by Conyod when thesoldier brings his love on base for a visit. However, Sletran isn’t the NobekErybet feels is right for him. When he rejects the Nobek, he risks losingConyod too.

Againstthe backdrop of heartbreaking childhood tragedy, a ghost who haunts Conyod andhis grief-stricken family, and military brass determined to oust Erybet fromthe rank he’s worked so hard to reach, three men must come to terms with whothey are. When tragedy strikes, the nightmares of the past must be faced andburied once and for all. Conyod, Sletran, and Erybet must dare everything tofind redemption and hold on to each other.

Releasing May 31.  Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print

 

Clan Beginnings: Clan and Crave - Chapter Five, Scene One

 

Releasing May 31. Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print

Even during "war," Sletran can't get Conyod out of his head.

* * * *

Sletran, age 35

The surprise war game was going well. Binmej’s soldiers wereformidable, but Erybet’s were on their way to decisive victory. Sletran’ssquads had “killed” or captured three enemy divisions. The Nobek couldn’t havebeen prouder of those under his command as they marched their angry prisonersto the holding pen.

Like any of his breed, a good fight had his blood up. Heknew beneath their training armor, the warriors duking it out on the simbattlefield were aroused to a man. The barracks would resound with the soundsof fucking late into the night.

His thoughts, when there was a pause in the fighting and hewasn’t consumed by the obsessive determination to overcome Binmej’s men, wentstraight to Conyod. They’d had an amazing night, and he was primed for another.

Not only for sex. He was amazed at how the traumatized youthhad grown to a self-assured man. It hinted at a strength that while not Nobek,was impressive on its own merit. A strength Sletran hadn’t witnessed whenConyod had been a teen. Then, he’d been a boy haunted by misplaced guilt.Conyod had been caught between loving and rejecting his parents, who’d been toodamaged by loss to properly care for him.

Sletran had distanced himself to discourage Conyod’sinfatuation when it had become obvious. However, they’d communicated enoughsince then for him to know the Imdiko’s relationship with his mother andfathers remained strained. Thanks to therapy, Dramok Tuher and Imdiko Sema hadrecognized their contributions to Conyod’s trauma. They’d done their utmost torelax their obsessive vigilance over their surviving son, and the relationshipbetween the three was the healthiest it had been since Hoslek’s death.

Matara Lafec and Nobek Vel continued to push the limitsConyod had established for his independence. He was forced on occasion toremind them to back off when they overstepped the boundaries he’d set.

He was his own man now. Sletran was delighted on severallevels to witness it, and he wanted to experience more of Conyod’scompanionship. He wanted to know everything about the intelligent and stunningImdiko he’d never seen coming.

As his primary squad reached base camp to the cheers oftheir side, a soldier jogged to Sletran. “Group Commander Erybet wishes me toinform you High Commander Zyrf has declared our group the winner of the games.Because your squad defeated the largest number of the enemy, Commander Erybetrequests you join him and High Commander Zyrf at the observation post to offertheir congratulations personally for a job well done.”

Sletran grinned. “It will be my pleasure.” After all thepomp and talk, he’d com Conyod to learn if they could meet for dinner…andlater, maybe the kind of congratulations he’d enjoy best.

* * **

Heneeded a hero and found two. Can love rescue him again?

NobekSletran never took Imdiko Conyod’s infatuation seriously when he rescued himyears before. When Conyod shows up in his life again as a strong and successfulman instead of a traumatized victim, Sletran has to reconsider the one he oncerejected and now can’t imagine life without.

Conyod hasnever given up on the man he considers his hero. Sletran is all he’s everwanted for a clanmate, and he’s determined to win him at last. But the past refusesto be laid to rest. When Conyod convinces Sletran to see him for who he’sbecome, will who he was resurface and destroy the love they’re building?

Sletran’scommanding officer Dramok Erybet is instantly fascinated by Conyod when thesoldier brings his love on base for a visit. However, Sletran isn’t the NobekErybet feels is right for him. When he rejects the Nobek, he risks losingConyod too.

Againstthe backdrop of heartbreaking childhood tragedy, a ghost who haunts Conyod andhis grief-stricken family, and military brass determined to oust Erybet fromthe rank he’s worked so hard to reach, three men must come to terms with whothey are. When tragedy strikes, the nightmares of the past must be faced andburied once and for all. Conyod, Sletran, and Erybet must dare everything tofind redemption and hold on to each other.

Releasing May 31.  Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print

 

 

Clan Beginnings: Clan and Crave - Chapter Four, Scene Two

 

Releasing May 31. Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print

A court appearance, desperate parents, and Sletran to the rescue again

* * * * 

Conyod, age 15

“Imdiko Conyod is suffering from extreme anxiety anddepression, stemming from a home environment overwhelmed by guilt and fear,”the psychologist sporting a waist-length black braid told the judge. “Hisnatural need for independence at his age is being suffocated by a parent clanstruggling to put the death of their elder son to rest for the benefit of theyounger.”

“How dare you say these things!” Lafec burst out. “You,who’ve never known the loss of a child! Put Hoslek to rest? We couldn’t findhis body to do so!”

The men of Clan Tuher, sitting across the polishedconference table from Conyod in the closed hearing, looked as affronted.However, their lawyer gave Tuher a pleading look. Conyod’s Dramok father, whomthe boy looked uncannily similar to, took Lafec’s hand to quiet her.

“A poor choice of words, Dr. Hupsan,” he told the therapistwho’d been in charge of evaluating Conyod. “I should hope a licensedpsychologist would be better able to choose his words to a frightened andhurting family.”

Hupsan’s expression was compassionate as he addressedConyod’s parents. “Your loss has indeed been tremendous. However, Hoslekdisappeared, and no doubt died, eight years ago.”

“We’re well aware when he was taken from us,” Lafec fumed.

The therapist, his kind face lightly lined and hair showingskeins of gray, continued. “I understand your grief for a child taken from lifetoo young. Nonetheless, such a long period of existing in a state of continualmourning has had damaging effects on Conyod. He’s drastically underweight. Hedoesn’t sleep more than four hours a night due to frequent nightmares.”

“His brother died! He was the last to see him alive! Ofcourse he’s having difficulty getting over it.”

Hupsan refused to deviate from what he felt was important.“Despite being cold, frightened, and hungry while on the run, Conyod describedtwo weeks away from you, his parent clan, as quote: ‘the first time I’ve beenable to breathe in forever.’”

Clan Tuher stared at Conyod in disbelieving horror. Heglanced away, unable to stand the anguish he’d stamped on their faces. Thesense he’d betrayed them was choking.

His gaze slid to the man standing at the far end of theroom. Nobek Sletran had agreed to his request to remain on hand as emotionalsupport following his testimony on how he’d come upon Conyod fending off theyoung bullies. Though he did nothing but watch Conyod as the proceedingsunfolded, his calm and steady presence was a lifeline. The sense of securityand safety he’d given the young Imdiko remained in force. Conyod clungdesperately to the image of Sletran as his savior.

The Nobek met his glance and dipped the slightest of nods. It’sokay. You’ve got this.

The child protection agent who’d brought charges againstClan Tuher motioned to another psychologist. Dr. Alat had interviewed Conyod’sparents in preparation for the hearing. He stood as Hupsan sank to his chair.Older than Hupsan, his hair was silver shot with white.

“Honorable Judge, Clan Tuher is understandably devastated bythe loss of their eldest son. They’ve found no release from cataclysmic griefin the years since Hoslek’s disappearance. Feelings of tremendous guilt, ratherthan being dealt with in a healthy manner, have been channeled into anoverprotectiveness toward their younger son, Conyod.

“By their own admission, this fifteen-year-old youth issubjected to their constant supervision. He’s unable to go on outings amongfriends his age unless a parent accompanies him…indeed, Conyod has few friendsleft due to the nature of his parents’ overzealous protection.”

Lafec’s defensive anger visibly drained, leaving herexpression devastated. She began to cry.

“No one in this family has sought grief counseling in theaftermath of Hoslek’s death. It’s resulted in an unhealthy home environment forall concerned. While I have no doubt Clan Tuher holds Conyod’s wellbeing inhighest regard…which is obvious from their strict observation of his every movefor the last eight years…his physical and mental health is deteriorating intheir care.

“It is this independent psychologist’s opinion Imdiko Conyodshould be removed from the home, at least temporarily.”

Lafec and Conyod’s Imdiko father Sema both cried out. Velgrowled. Tuher sat frozen, his eyes wide.

For his part, Conyod felt lightheaded. He seemed to floatfrom his body to watch the proceedings from afar.

“My recommendation is for Clan Tuher to enter grief andparental counseling. Depending on Dr. Hupsan’s recommendations for Conyod, ClanTuher should be denied custody until they have completed therapy anddemonstrated they can provide a stable and supportive environment for theirson.”

Alat resumed his seat. Conyod’s Nobek father half-rose, hisenraged gaze skewering the therapist. Tuher grabbed Vel’s arm. Shaking, heeased down.

The judge, his broad, impassive features patient as hewaited for emotions to be brought under control, finally deemed they were readyto continue. “Dr. Hupsan, your recommendations for Imdiko Conyod?”

Hupsan stood. “Honorable Judge, it’s my opinion Conyod wouldbenefit from inpatient residence where he can receive daily counseling. Thefacility I work in specializes in Imdiko youth. As I’m now familiar with hiscase, I’d personally work on his rehabilitation.”

“The end result being?”

“Grief and trauma counseling will help him gain perspectiveon his brother’s disappearance. Conyod was the last to see Hoslek alive andcarries guilt he was unable to stop him from riding out to capture the escapedkestarsh. Treatment and teaching him coping skills for his anxiety anddepression would also be an imperative…as well as giving him the opportunity togain the independence skills he’s been denied. Once Conyod has exhibited theability to maintain emotional equilibrium and established himself in his ownmind as a self-determining individual, he’ll be allowed to rejoin his parentclan, provided they meet the requirements Dr. Alat has named.”

Hupsan had already outlined his plan to Conyod, telling himtherapy would only work if he were on board. The youth, his focus on escapingthe smothering atmosphere of his parents’ home, had agreed without reallythinking it through.

Realization he’d be committed to a psychiatric facility andthere was no clear date of departure shook him. What if Hupsan determined hewas too damaged to release? What if his parents couldn’t stop beingoverbearing?

Panic sent his heart racing. Tears stung his eyes. He lookedfrantically at Sletran again. Did the Nobek think he should go through with it?Would he save Conyod if it was a bad idea?

Sletran offered him a smile and a nod. It’s okay, hemouthed. Breathe.

Conyod inhaled. His heart didn’t return to normal, but itcalmed enough for the instant of terror to quiet.

He still had the sense he was outside his body as the judgeasked his parents’ lawyer if he had anything to add. Something was said aboutConyod’s welfare being their sole concern, that they’d do better and go forfamily counseling if their son was returned to them immediately.

The judge ruled against Clan Tuher, opting for thepsychologists’ recommendations. Vel was warned when his fists repeatedlyhammered the table. Court security guards came in to make sure he offered nothreat to anyone. Lafec broke down completely. Sema held her, whispering in herear as he shed silent tears. Tuher confronted his lawyer, demanding howstrangers could take custody of his son simply because the boy had done whatboys were known to do throughout history…run off for a few days on a high-spiritedlark.

“I was hoping they’d allow you to say goodbye before theseparation, but I fear it would cause more trouble in your parents’ currentstate,” Hupsan whispered to Conyod. “Let’s go to another room. Perhaps in acouple of minutes, when they’ve calmed a little, we can manage a properfarewell until your first visit.”

Conyod couldn’t feel his legs, but he somehow managed torise as the psychologist tugged him to his feet. The drama was far fromfinished, however. When he realized Conyod was leaving, Vel roared, “You can’ttake my son from me!” and raced around the table. The court guards rushed afterhim, but it was clear the Nobek would reach Conyod before they could stop him.

Sletran was abruptly there, standing between Vel and Conyod.“Go quickly,” he told Hupsan. An instant later, he and the irate father werenose to nose.

Hupsan shoved Conyod through the door as shouts filled theair. It closed behind them, cutting the mayhem off.

“In here,” Hupsan said, approaching a door directly acrossthe hall from the hearing room.

It was another hearing room, identical to that which Conyodhad just left, minus the scattered computers on the conference table. Thewindow vids were blank, whereas in the other room, a tranquil view of ronkasgrazing on the plains had been depicted.

“Sit down, Conyod,” Hupsan invited in his gentle tone. Hepulled a hover chair from the table for the teen.

Conyod fell in it rather than sitting, his nerveless legsdone supporting him. He stared at the therapist, the strange dislocation in hishead dissipating.

“I’m sorry it became so emotional in there,” Hupsan began.“You did well considering—”

Conyod’s harsh, braying sobs cut him off. The youth foldedhis arms on the table’s surface and burrowed his face in them as overwhelmingfear and grief took hold.

He had no idea how long he sat there and cried. Long enoughto visualize his mother’s and Imdiko father’s tearstained faces in his mind’seye. His Dramok father’s shattered expression as disbelief gave way to therealization Conyod wasn’t coming home. And over and over, his Nobek father’sinfuriated, despairing yells as he reached vainly for his surviving child.

Conyod had destroyed his family, who’d only wished toprotect him from the same end Hoslek had suffered. Their agony was his fault.

He slowly became aware of a hand rubbing slow circles on hisback, offering comfort. Of two voices conversing.

“…I’m sorry Nobek Vel can’t be trusted to speak to the boyand say goodbye.” Hupsan, a few feet to the right.

“He’s upset, which is understandable. I’d be tempted to saythey love Conyod too much, but such a notion is ridiculous.” It was Sletranstanding behind him, offering what consolation he could.

“No, you can’t love your children too much. It’s onlyproblematic when love turns into an obsessive effort to guard them from theslightest hint of trouble. Dr. Alat said in this case it’s particularly acutewhere the Nobek and Matara are concerned.”

“I feel for them. It’s a shame their grief has caused somuch damage.”

“Indeed. He’s quieting. Conyod, are you calming down?”

Sletran’s warm breath and voice were close to Conyod’s ear.“Hey, buddy. When you feel up to it, your mother and a couple of your fatherswant to speak to you before you go.”

Conyod rubbed his eyes on his forearms. Sletran had heardhim bawling and would see his reddened eyes, but he didn’t have to show him hischildish tears. When he’d brought himself under control, he met the Nobek’sgaze.

Despite the ache in his chest, pleasure shivered through himat Sletran’s compassionate regard. “I made such a mess of everything.”

“You did what you had to in order to survive. There’s noshame in it, Conyod. Your parent clan needed a wakeup call. You may not believeit right now, but life will get a lot better. It may take a few weeks, butyou’re on your way.”

Conyod sat up, his gaze never wavering from his hero. “Doyou really think so?”

“Absolutely. Hey, Dr. Hupsan says I can be on your visitor’slist. I’m stationed close to where you’ll be staying. What do you think of mestopping by every couple of weeks, maybe teach you some defensive skills?Hopefully, you won’t have to fight off jerks from training camps again, butit’s never a bad thing to be able to fight back.”

He’d get to see Sletran again? A spark of brightness woke inthe dark threatening to eclipse him. “Yeah. I’d like that a lot.”

“Then we’ll do it.” Sletran grinned.

Conyod wished he could fling his arms around the Nobek. Ilove him.

* * **

Heneeded a hero and found two. Can love rescue him again?

NobekSletran never took Imdiko Conyod’s infatuation seriously when he rescued himyears before. When Conyod shows up in his life again as a strong and successfulman instead of a traumatized victim, Sletran has to reconsider the one he oncerejected and now can’t imagine life without.

Conyod hasnever given up on the man he considers his hero. Sletran is all he’s everwanted for a clanmate, and he’s determined to win him at last. But the past refusesto be laid to rest. When Conyod convinces Sletran to see him for who he’sbecome, will who he was resurface and destroy the love they’re building?

Sletran’scommanding officer Dramok Erybet is instantly fascinated by Conyod when thesoldier brings his love on base for a visit. However, Sletran isn’t the NobekErybet feels is right for him. When he rejects the Nobek, he risks losingConyod too.

Againstthe backdrop of heartbreaking childhood tragedy, a ghost who haunts Conyod andhis grief-stricken family, and military brass determined to oust Erybet fromthe rank he’s worked so hard to reach, three men must come to terms with whothey are. When tragedy strikes, the nightmares of the past must be faced andburied once and for all. Conyod, Sletran, and Erybet must dare everything tofind redemption and hold on to each other.

Releasing May 31.  Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print

 

 

Clan Beginnings: Clan and Crave - Chapter Four, Scene One

 

Releasing May 31. Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print

If it isn't one thing, it's a mother.

* * * * 

Conyod was finishing his morning rounds as an intern in thehospital’s psychiatric department and heading to the employee lounge for lunch.He’d drawn the Imdiko wing for his seasonal rotation and found it demandingdespite being an Imdiko himself. His breed, natural caregivers and nurturers,tended to set aside their needs in deference to those of family and clanmates.They often ignored warning signs of emotional stress or mental illness untilthey reached severe crisis. Even on the brink of collapse, they usuallycontinued to insist they were fine.

Conyod was coming from a session with such a patient, who’dattempted suicide a few weeks prior. “I was just overworked and tired.Exhaustion made my life seem worse than it was,” he’d told Conyod and thepresiding doctor who was monitoring the intern’s work. “I’m better now. I’mready to return to my clan.”

“The situation at home hasn’t changed,” Conyod had pointedout. “You’ll be returning to your clan’s elderly parents who need care, yourjob, and your Dramok’s nephew who lives with you. Until you have a plan inplace to delegate duties and hire in-home assistance and respite care, you’llend up overworked again.”

“Assistants will only add to my tasks since I’ll have tocheck everything they do. I’m the only one who takes care of my familyproperly. They need me.”

It was the mantra of too many Imdikos. The urge to take careof others and fix everyone’s problems drove a number of them to therapy sooneror later…most of them kicking and screaming along the way.

Conyod wondered if he’d end up the same should he join aclan. He hoped knowing the danger signs would keep him out of trouble…but heknew one’s own mental state was the hardest to diagnose.

The employee lounge was in sight when his personal com wentoff. He checked the frequency and managed to fend off a groan. A spike ofanxiety stabbed his gut. He considered turning the com off.

There was no hope for it. If he didn’t answer, she’dcontinue to com until she was frantic. Then she’d call his supervisor,demanding to know what tragedy had befallen Conyod to keep him from responding.

He diverted to an empty patient room so he could deal withher and possibly the rest of his parents privately. As soon as the door shutbehind him, he clicked the continuously buzzing device. “Hello, my mother.”

Lafec sighed loudly, as if she were ready to drop fromrelief. “Why did it take so long for you to answer, Conyod? Are you trying togive me a heart attack?”

“I’m at work. You know my schedule.”

“Indeed, I do. It’s your lunch break.”

“My lunch break happens when I’m done treating the patient Ihave just before it. Trauma doesn’t serve a clock.”

He heard his impatience, but it was impossible to rein itin. How many times had they been through this?

Lafec wasn’t a slave to her emotions…at least, not when itcame to anything except Conyod. She was as tough as any rancher on the plain,fit and capable when it came to the family’s kestarsh breeding business. Herfirm hand had trained many an animal, no matter how skittish or ill-natured.

She dropped the fussiness over her surviving child abruptly,which told Conyod either Tuher or Sema were present and had quietly…and nodoubt diplomatically…told her to ease up. “How are you? It’s been a couple ofweeks since we spoke.”

“Well.” He began to relax since there was no accusation inher voice.

“Busy?”

“Internship means long hours, unfortunately. But theexperience is invaluable. I’m learning so much they can’t cover in a lecturehall.” He was able to warm up, thanks to his work being a safe subject.

“I always knew you’d do well. Soon you’ll be running thehospital.”

Her pride brought guilt that his first instinct was to keepher at a distance. He chuckled awkwardly. “I doubt it but thank you. How areyou and my fathers? Is everyone all right?”

“We’re well.” Dramok Tuher’s rough baritone wasaffectionate. “Training the new colts. We wish you were here to help.”

A pang of homesickness struck Conyod. He loved training thekestarsh, which were so vital to ranch life. “I wish I were too. How’s Dresk?”

“The love of your life is fine. He’s full of himself thesedays, thanks to a dozen of his strong young offspring running around andimpressing potential buyers,” Imdiko Sema answered, laughter in his tone. Nodoubt he knew Conyod had been hard pressed not to ask about his favorite mountbefore everyone else. Calling Dresk the love of his life hadn’t been far offthe mark.

“When will you visit next?” Lafec asked.

“This rotation won’t be up until summer. I’ll have a week,then I start the next…maybe I can come for a couple of days.” Reluctance andguilt for feeling unwilling to see his parents often churned in his stomach. Hequickly changed the subject. “Is my father Vel there?”

“I am,” came the gruff voice of the Nobek. “You sound good,Conyod. I hope you’ll visit as soon as possible.”

“Of course. Any other news?”

“We finally finished cleaning up after the big storm. Thenew stables are built, and we’ve almost finished repairing the old barn. I’msure we’ll be able to better withstand another sudden blowup, should it occur.”

“We had a wild ronka herd tear through here a couple weeksago,” Sema joined in. “They knocked down a few poles of the corral. It broughtdown the containment field, but Dresk kept the mares close to the stables. Noneof them panicked.”

“Dresk never gets flustered,” Conyod boasted. He’d trainedthe champion himself. Doing so had helped him get over his dread of themountains surrounding the ranch.

Except one.

“He doesn’t like the ghost,” Lafec muttered. “He makes a lotof noise and kicks the walls when it’s around.”

“Ghost?” Conyod’s heart forgot to beat for a moment.

“There’s no ghost,” Vel snorted. “Just drunk ranch handsseeing things.”

“Nevip doesn’t drink, and he doesn’t bother making up talltales,” Lafec said. “He saw the boy—”

“He got caught up in everyone else’s hysteria and thoughthe saw something.” Tuher’s commanding tone quieted his clanmates. “We shouldlet Conyod go to lunch. Next time, we’ll call in the evening after you’vehopefully finished for the day, my son.”

“That would be great,” Conyod said. “My love to you all.”

They said their goodbyes and ended the com. Conyod hadlittle time left to eat his lunch prior to his first afternoon session, but helingered in the room as his thoughts swirled.

The ghost had returned? The small white figure that hadhaunted the plains and spooked the ranchers after his brother’s death?

* * **

Heneeded a hero and found two. Can love rescue him again?

NobekSletran never took Imdiko Conyod’s infatuation seriously when he rescued himyears before. When Conyod shows up in his life again as a strong and successfulman instead of a traumatized victim, Sletran has to reconsider the one he oncerejected and now can’t imagine life without.

Conyod hasnever given up on the man he considers his hero. Sletran is all he’s everwanted for a clanmate, and he’s determined to win him at last. But the past refusesto be laid to rest. When Conyod convinces Sletran to see him for who he’sbecome, will who he was resurface and destroy the love they’re building?

Sletran’scommanding officer Dramok Erybet is instantly fascinated by Conyod when thesoldier brings his love on base for a visit. However, Sletran isn’t the NobekErybet feels is right for him. When he rejects the Nobek, he risks losingConyod too.

Againstthe backdrop of heartbreaking childhood tragedy, a ghost who haunts Conyod andhis grief-stricken family, and military brass determined to oust Erybet fromthe rank he’s worked so hard to reach, three men must come to terms with whothey are. When tragedy strikes, the nightmares of the past must be faced andburied once and for all. Conyod, Sletran, and Erybet must dare everything tofind redemption and hold on to each other.

Releasing May 31.  Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print