Sharon Y. Edlin's Blog, page 4

JUST BE NICE!

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The word ‘nice’ is defined as pleasant and agreeable. Now for some reason, there are quite a few folks that DO NOT fit this definition and I don’t want to hear that you had/have a bad family situation going on or your life is tough. WE ALL HAVE HAD SOME SORT OF TRAUMA WHETHER IT WAS FAMILY, LIFE, OR JUST BAD LUCK AND WE STILL KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG! This isn’t an excuse anymore and if you don’t know right from wrong, please see the 10 commandments or Google it. It ain’t hard to find out, y’all!

When I was a young girl, 100 years ago, there were basic things that were imbedded into my mind, heart, and soul by my parents and society.

-If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

-Give a hoot, don’t pollute.

-When you talk to people, look them in the eyes.

-When you shake someone’s hand, shake it firmly and with purpose.

I’ll bet many of you have heard of these things and still follow them as I do because that is just what you do.

I am so sick and tired of excuses for bad behavior I could just puke. Our society has so many labels, assumptions, explanations, etc. that it can basically give anyone behaving badly an excuse. Enough is enough . . . learn right from wrong and shut the hell up if you can’t be nice and have nice things come out of your mouth hole.

This blog has been prompted by my high school daughter and two of her friends who are being harassed, verbally abused, and threatened by 4 unsavory and trashy gals as they have nothing better to do when they aren’t taking Instagram shots of themselves naked, wielding a gun, and smoking pot because they come from a troubled family. Not an excuse anymore ladies as we all have our shit and we still manage to be nice.

Let me tell you a story ladies . . .

Both of my parents came from ‘troubled’ families and they have stories that would curl your hair but guess what, they are successful and smart people who know how to be nice.

One of my OT kid’s moms tells me that her family life was a living hell and ‘troubled’ but she is happily married to a cool dude with two great kids and she’s awesome nice.

STOP MAKING YOUR DUMB EXCUSES FOR BEING A VICTIM OF A TROUBLED FAMILY AND FOR GOD SAKES YOU STINKIN’ HIGH SCHOOLS QUITE USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE WHEN THE ABUSE IS BEING REPORTED TO THE POWERS THAT BE AND YOU DO NOTHING BUT BRUSH THE SITUATION OFF UNTIL YOURS TRULY RAISES HELL!

WHO HASN’T HAD TROUBLE?!

Let me tell you another story . . .

I was molested by a doctor, nearly raped 3 times and one of them was a cop, was involved in 3 drive-by shootings, nearly kidnapped as a child, had a drunk and abusive grandfather, lost my awesome other grandpa at only 55 years old, watched my dog get run over by a car and die, watched 2 people get run over by a car and one of them was a child-the child died, was verbally, emotionally, and eventually physically abused for 16 years, had a miscarriage, lost my sweet cousin at 6 years old, had asthma so bad I nearly died, almost drowned once, came across the dead body of a homeless person, was hit by a car myself while pregnant with my daughter, my mom and sister had a less than savory relationship growing up and it was hell sometimes, my first roommate in college tried to kill me by pushing me off the 10th floor balcony onto the street below, high school for me was a living hell, I had depression and still do, I’ve had my heart-broken a lot, and I could go on and on but you see, we all have our shit and I dare you to ask anyone that knows me if I am a mean person.

With all the insanity that is happening around us globally, in our United States, in our state, in our town, in our minds, and in our hearts maybe if everyone started to be nice, things would change.

We have managed to complicate EVERYTHING and the pendulum gets swung so far out of whack that we out think our own common sense. In addition, the world has been made to think that everyone needs accommodation . . . that everything has to be perfect and nothing can be wrong. Well, folks, sometimes you have to put your big person panties on, suck it up, and figure out how to adapt. Come on, y’all. Are you so far up your own ass that you have lost your common sense and adaptability! This does not apply to person’s with special needs, they need a bit of help. Just wanted to clarify and y’all know what I am saying here without getting so explain-y.

Human beings are the most spectacular creatures on the planet. We are given tenacity, adaptability, brains, heart, soul, feelings, and a million other things that make us a marvel. Some of you are wasting your talents on being mean and shame on you.

I challenge everyone to a few things . . . be nice, stop making excuses for bad behavior, if you have nothing nice to say then shut the hell up, if you don’t want to be in school and you are disrupting an entire class who wants to be there, get out and don’t come back, don’t litter, look people in the eyes when they are talking to you instead of down at your phone, give out a good hand shake, and for the love of Pete just help make this world a better place, please do your part and for the love of Pete again, quit killing our own people!! Start with yourself first, that way, you will keep a bunch of folks from losing their lives and getting wounded. You are going to cowardly kill yourself anyway after so do us all a favor, start with you first!

Now more than ever we need nice, treating people as you would want to be treated, and a shit ton of prayer. Pray y’all like you never have before. This world sure needs it right now.

Love y’all!!♥

 

 

 

Caulrophobia AKA Fear of Clowns

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Now, I know y’all think I am a great big ball of weird and that’s okay because I think I’m weird too but it entertains me and that’s something. I have written about mimes a few blogs ago and how these freaky people are the epitome of that ‘creepy’ weird and y’all know what I’m saying when I say that. I am also not at all a fan of magic and several of these modern-day magicians who seem like they could be the mime’s cousin disturb me and my insides. Don’t ask me why, I just feel it in my gut.

I’m not saying that mimes and magicians are evil, well, at least not here but I’m definitely thinking it, and I’m sure your moms are proud of your career of choice but I don’t get it is all.

Clowns . . .

Here is another subject of wonder and freakishness that I cannot get comfortable with, nope not at all.

The clown character of today developed out of the rustic fool of early comedy seen in ancient Roman and Greek theatre. The actual English word ‘clown’ was first recorded in c. 1560 and the origins of the word itself are thought to be from Scandinavia.

The now-classical features of a clown were developed in the early 1800’s by a dude called Joseph Grimaldi, who I despise for such a horrific depiction of basically a fool, an idiot, and/or a bafoon as they were referred to in history. Google it, a clown is considered an idiot, clumsy, a moron, and many more terms that I came across in my research. Joseph, you are not a nice dude and I’m telling your mother because there is now a phobia for what you did to us.

I will never forget my first ‘encounter’ with one of these freakish Joseph created clowns, I hate you Joseph. I was at a circus about 100 years ago. All I knew about the circus was that it had cotton candy, balloons, animals, and some three-ring thing that I wasn’t too sure about but was very curious to learn and see for myself.

Well . . . cue Zippy the Joseph developed clown . . . did I mention I hate you, Joseph?

You know that new movie that Stephen scary-ass King has out based on his book ‘It?’ Well, this was the way my innards felt as I was looking in another direction seated in the front row of the Greatest Freak Show on Earth. Oh and by the way, I think Stephen secretly dresses up like a clown and sashays around his house, just sayin’.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and as I turned in the direction of the tap, Zippy the drunk idiot clown 3D’d into my face and yelled, “Boo,” and then proceeded to laugh his over-made-up face off as I burst into tears and had a child’s heart attack and probably wet my pants though I don’t really remember as I have been traumatized for life by Zippy. I hate you Zippy, I hope your make-up contains lead and you have passed away into clown hell where y’all can scare the shit out of each other and leave the poor kids out of it.

When I was a teenager, I got to the point where I was wearing too much make-up and my Ma had a come to Jesus with me saying that I looked cheap and a lot like a clown. Oh, that smart woman knew exactly what to say to me as I went straight to the bathroom to wash it all off. No clown crap for me, no sir.

I find it utterly weird that clowns have been around as long as they have and I’m still pissed off at Joseph for coming up with the clown-ness look.

Awhile back, which makes sense to me as clowns are evil and I know you clown people love being clowns and it makes your heart happy to make children laugh or scatter depending on your party-side manner, these freaks were showing up on the sides of roads as clowns and I think I remember some of them shooting folks. Y’all are idiots, really!

Now, I have met some lovely clowns and although I have met them in a Judy Chop Ninja pose ready to attack and then run, they seemed nice but who in the hell decides one day that, “You know what? I’m going to gob a shit ton of make-up on my face so my pores can’t breath, add freakish un-natural red cheeks, don a big fat red nose, over-do my eyebrows like Uncle Leo on Seinfeld, wear entirely too bright and weird clothes, big ass shoes, maybe some insane looking rainbow wig that smells like crap, oh and yes, lets add a hat and talk like we have a slide whistle for a voice. Yes! Ma will be so proud! Oh, and you know what else? I’m going to learn how to form penis-shaped balloons into animals and such too! That should bring joy and happiness to all the good children of the world especially when I shove the penis-shaped sword at them to carry around for the rest of the day.”

If you are a dude and you are putting on make-up and shoving penis shaped balloon animals and swords at kids, you might be a repressed cross dresser and your penis thing needs some attention.

If you are a chick putting that much make-up on, you might need some psychological help as you are covering up a face that you feel is ugly but probably isn’t and if you’ve added the penis-shaped balloon animals to your gig, um, you might need a hug and more help.

One of the clowns that I had grown to hate as a child was Bozo the clown. You remember the one out of Chicago that would stand too close to small children as they were  throwing ping-pong balls into the buckets to win prizes? That clown was nuts and he OVER DID EVERYTHING and I know that is the point but you have gotten the OVER DID thing down when you donned your make-up, wig, and outfit. Tone it down some, dude! You’re freaking out the good children and now adults of the world.

To all the magicians, mimes, and clowns out there well, I have no words. Just no words at all!

Love y’all!!♥

Hitting A Wall, Hard

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Now, if I was working with one of my younger OT kids and I said this to them, they would literally think I hit a physical wall with my physical person perhaps blackening my eye in the process. I love these concrete thinking years . . . like the time I told a kid that he was on fire because he was rocking his OT activity and the sweet little dude stopped, dropped, and rolled thinking he was literally on fire. I really have to remember my words.

Anyway . . .

In the last several months I have become kid yoga certified, added 2 kid yoga classes to my practice every Saturday morning, became Hippotherapy Level 1 trained, started a Hippotherapy program, added aquatic therapy to my practice, became a Certified Aromatherapist, a Certified Nutritional Therapist,  bought and trained on the use of my Cold Laser with Harmonic Frequencies tool, written a 200 page book and turned it into my hopefully futuristic publisher, bought a car for my nearly 16-year-old daughter, sold a house, paid off some debt, cooked dinner every night except for Monday nights because I work from 8 am to 6 pm, I’m now a rep for Juice Plus+, a Playologist for SimplyFun, and a wholesaler for Plant Therapy, and I could go on but you get the picture by now I’m sure.

In between all of this, I am studying acupuncture, meridians, quantum physics, the power of the subconscience, Eastern medicine, subtle energy, and nutrition as I attempt to raise a family, give my husband some love and attention, see after my two dogs (one has injured his eye badly and requires drops every 4 hours), see after my fish, clean my clinic, do laundry, grocery shop, and take care of my yard, which is not going so well at the moment. I also volunteered to take care of the neighborhood flower bed and grounds for the entire month of September.

What this has done to me . . .

I am behind in paperwork, I have not spent good quality time with my kids, I have not walked a dog in God knows how long, my yard is a mess, I have not had time to exercise or follow my Weight Watchers like I was therefore putting 12 pounds back on, I was down to only having to lose 5 more and now it is 17 if not more, and I have gotten myself sick more times than ever before in my whole life.

I have to be honest, I have this growing sense that is pushing me because I feel as if now is the time to get all the things done that I have always wanted to accomplish because I’m not so young anymore. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

My husband aka The Professor allows me a freedom of expression that I never had before and it has opened up parts of my mind I didn’t know existed like my love of quantum physics for example. Who knew that this kid would dig this? I am studying thing at an atomic and molecular level, which is the most fascinating thing in the world to me. You may ask why? Well, there are aspects of treatment that I am doing at the clinic that I want to know EXACTLY why it works because that is how my mind works and always has. I want to know everything there is to know about oxidation, free radicals, phytochemicals, pro and prebiotics, superfoods, and what our Western medicine, food, and environment is doing to our bodies . . . its killing them by the way and creating a lot of ‘syndromes’ and genetic disorders, I can assure you.

I have never felt so compelled to learn at the rate that I am, though I have always studied because I am a great big nerd and I hunger for knowledge, but now it seems to be ravenous for some reason.

For the first time in a LONG time, I turned out the light in my office after shutting down my computer, let my husband cook for me, put my 1 of 4 books that I’m reading at the same time down, and sat on the back porch cuddled up with my husband, our lit fire pit, lit candles, a blanket, the two dogs, and watched the Booze Traveler as he/Jack made his way through Siberia and it was the best night I’ve had in a while.

Whatever is compelling me to utilize 100% of my brain capacity at the moment, needs to be dampened every once in a while or I feel like I will stroke out or something. My husband was so giddy last night that I was in his presence relaxed and smiling and it was at that moment that I realized, I’m letting my learning get out of hand and neglecting the important things in life.

I need to remove my imprinted outline of self from the wall, heal my wounds that the wall inflicted, and chill the hell out.

Losing site of what is important happens to all of us from time to time but the sign of a wise soul is the one who steps back from the wall and then turns to embrace the important things in life.

Love y’all!!♥

Dog Gone It!

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Sometimes when it rains it pours, like yesterday and today for example because of that ornery dang Irma hurricane! My town has cancelled school for two days in a row so my entire family, including the Professor, get the luxury of sleeping in while I wake up at 6:30 am and begin a day of 9 OT kids on Monday and a handful today/Tuesday. I love it to bits, but sometimes, I’d love to sleep in on an unexpected day and if you are one of my OT parents, y’all are precious to me and I adore my work but I know you know what I mean. Sweet slumber on an unexpected day . . . heaven!

Some weird stuff has been surrounding itself around me lately and it has not only made me sick but dog tired, which is not at all how I roll. The Professor tells me that I am like the Energizer Bunny most days but I believe my batteries need changing as I don’t feel very energized much at all lately. I know I’m not alone, I just have to talk about it.

So, the weird began about a month and some ago when my face started breaking out as if I was a dang teenager again. Most days, I don’t wear any makeup at all other than my false eyelashes and my tinted chapstick. I hate all that stuff sitting on my face suffocating it. Well, not lately . . . I’ve had to break out the ‘cover-up’ products and I’m not good at it I can assure you. Here’s how I know . . .

Every once in a while I will go hog-wild on a zit that I feel should be brutally annihilated and sometimes I go so nuts that I will accidentally leave behind a bit of blood and then later a scab.

Cue my observant parent . . .

As I am walking my OT kid out to his mom’s car to say hi and tell her how good her son did a couple of weeks ago, I see her look up, squint her eyes, and hone right in on my attempt at covering up my new self-inflicted scab as she says, “Oh my lord, hold still, there is a tick on your cheek!” I about fell out right there on the driveway. After recovering, I explained to her that it was a self-inflicted scab and I attempted to cover it up but alas it has become obvious that I inadvertently disguised it as a tick instead.

I now have about 5 ‘ticks’ on my face but what I can’t figure out is, where the other 4 came from as I only attacked one?

Well, I figured it out the other day quite by accident. Well, the Professor did actually.

Recently, I had to get my gel nails taken off because of my Hippotherapy OT piece to my practice. I hooked one of my gel nails in the saddle on the way down and nearly ripped the whole nail bed off as I dropped to the ground, turned green, and nearly threw up. That was that . . . so I took them all off and I now have paper-thin but sharp as hell left-over nails that are in recovery after being covered up for about 4 years.

The Professor had stayed up late, he’s the owl, I am not . . . and passing through to check on me, as I didn’t feel so well and went to bed earlier than usual, he observed me scrape my own face with my paper-thin dagger left-over nails, so that mystery was solved and now my nails are cut and filed down to the quick. My hands look like little people hands as I do not posses long luxurious fingers but my hands work so I don’t worry about it much. The only reason I got them in the first place was because the Professor got me the most gorgeous wedding ring set and then added to it so its a stunning layer of gorgeousness and I felt my little people hands wouldn’t do it justice so I went for the get nails.

Moving on . . .

Well, my sweet dog Scout sustained a scratch to his eye and I let it got for a couple of days not realizing that this what had happened and in the meantime, it got infected, ulcerated, and he was on the verge of losing the whole damn eye. I just thought he poked it and it would heal on its own as I observed him kinda watery eyed and keeping it closed on the third day.

Now, I believe in the body healing itself and I have to be near death to go into the doctor’s office and you’d think they’d know better than to keep calling me about a ‘well-person’ visit every year. It ain’t going to happen so take me off of the list already.

This was my thought on my dog, he’ll get over it. Well . . . I officially suck!

The Professor tells me that I NEED to take the poor K9 in so I cave because after all, it is the poor thing’s eye. As the news was announced to me, as they did this color stuff in his eye, turned out the lights, and got a blue light to shine in it, I almost threw up as I looked at what looked like a milky white filled-in circle on top of his eye like he was already blind. The doc said that I could not have seen this on my own, hence the blue light show. I felt so upset and $363 later, I carried my sweet baby K9 home and shed a few tears at being so stubborn. Forgive me, Scouty!

So, I had to put drops in his eye every 4 hours and even in the middle of the night. Not fun. I had to be diligent and do this for 3 days and then went down to 3 times a day. The doc asked to see Scout again today, its been since Thursday of last week when I caved, so off we went in at 9:30 this morning. As I was standing there talking to the vet nurse, I feel a warm wetness on my ankle and drip down into my shoe. I thought, “Have I sprung a leak or something?” Oh no, joy boy K9 misjudged the marking area on the rug I was standing on and marked my damn ankle and shoe. The nurse bust out laughing and I had to also as I said, “I guess his depth perception is off a bit because of that eye.” Ewwwwww!

As I sat there waiting for our turn, after tyding up my urine covered leg, sock, and shoe, I heard a low murmur out of the occupied room of the people and their K9 before me. The door was wide open but I was sitting to the side some  and I could hear the discussion and I got tearful yet again.

These two early 60’s somethings were trying to make the heart wrenching decision of if it was time to put their dog down as she was suffering quite a lot according to them. Oh, my heart. I looked over at the nurse and said, “Oh good Lord, this just makes me so sad.” She agreed and said that was the hardest part of her job and I had to agree to that. Ugh!

I don’t know the outcome but what was decided in the time I was there was that they would leave the dog to do some blood work to see if putting her down was justifiable and as the couple walked out, wife was tearful, I looked at them, nodded, and smiled and said, “I’ll pray about this for you two. I can’t imagine.” They both smiled and walked out. Oh, my heart again.

Usually, folks get dogs before they have kids. These folks are in training I believe because they have to learn what unconditional love feels like from these sweet little K9’s so that when it is their turn to have a human baby, it finally dawns on them why their K9 goes hog-wild when they come home after being at work all day. Dogs are gifts, dogs are pre-cursors for unconditional love, dogs are friends, confidants, children for some who can or don’t want any for whatever reason, but most of all dogs are precious babies given to us by God himself. I don’t need to point out what God spelled backwards is now do I?

Dog gone it its been a rough couple of months but it makes my heart, my ‘ticked-up’ face, and my soul good to stop and take care of my sweet baby K9 because what I learned is that I have gotten too damn busy and I am neglecting the precious things and people and K9’s in my life. Shame on me, dog gone it!!

Life of an Empath

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The other day, quite by accident, I discovered that I have yet another label to tote around with me along with all of my other labels like ADHD, a dyslexic, mom, wife, sister, OT, daughter, student, friend, yoga instructor, etc. The people in this world of ours will always carry around ‘labels’ because it helps with categorization, I suppose, explaining why you are the way that you are.

At an early age, for whatever reason, I knew very well the difference between sympathy and empathy as if it was part of my very fiber as a human being. I didn’t know that I would discover, years and years later, WHAT I was and why my heart would get so heavy when it came to injustice to human beings, animals, etc.

In conversation with one of my OT moms that I have some sort of wonderful connection with, I discovered what an ’empath’ was and that more than likely I was one.

My OT mom gave me a few websites to take quizzes to determine if I was indeed one of these empath people.

After taking several quizzes on the subject, my new label became loud and clear and explained so much about ‘me’ over the years.

Here’s what I mean . . .

As a young girl, I would absolutely have a come apart if I saw a classmate of mine picking on another classmate because as I would observe the look on the ‘picked-ons’ face, I would feel the pain they felt as if I was the actual kid getting picked on and it hurt, y’all, it really did. When these situations would happen, I’d step in and be the bully patrol and put the bully in their place rather quickly and with a future warning that if this happened again, there would be hell to pay.

If I saw an animal hurt, I could feel the actual pain subconsciously that it must be feeling and it would scare me at times. I hated seeing things in physical or emotional pain. Feeling all of this at such a young age was very hard and I often found myself sad and depressed about it but prayed a lot for these unfortunate situations, which brought me closer to God I suppose.

As I got older, I discovered that there were certain movies that I absolutely could not watch because the ‘what if’ of the movie would cause such physical and emotional pain for me, I’d be down for the count emotionally for days. Literally in the bed crying uncontrollably.

For example, the first time I watched the movie ‘The Color Purple’ with Oprah as a main character depicting the life of slavery, I was inconsolable for 3 days, yes 3. I felt all of what it must have felt like to have had to be a part of and live this slavery life and all of the injustice and pain that came of it.

This happened again to me when I watched the movie ‘Titanic’ with Leonardo Decapria because it was based on a true story to a degree. As I watched that boat tip and those precious human beings falling and banging into stuff on the way down to the frigid water, it was everything I could do not to come completely apart and melt away. I felt the fear, the pain, and the gravity of how they must have felt staring death right in its face.

‘Passion of the Christ’ nearly killed me all the way as I watched Jesus get brutally tortured by those idiot soldiers and became aware of what His mother was feeling, something I had not allowed myself to consciously be made aware of because I knew it would hurt beyond words. I was inconsolable in the movie theatre and had to leave early and sit in the lobby until it was over. Still to this day I ask God, “Why did it have to be so bad for your Son? Why couldn’t He had just carried the cross and been crucified only. Why the torture to this good decent man?” In church, when it is the Passion and everyone chants the words, “Crucify Him, crucify Him,” I can’t and never have participated because I know above all else, I would have never OK’d this, NEVER!

Not many people know this about me and I didn’t really know this about myself until a few weeks ago but often wondered why my emotional response was so crazy intense compared to others.

Being an empath helped to finally explain why I canNOT watch war movies as I feel the fear, the pain, and the fight. I think of those soldiers not as soldiers but as sons, daughters, husbands, wives, human beings, etc.

When 911 happened, I was so upset by it, I went into labor early with my daughter. Watching those terrified people jump to their deaths so as not to be burned alive . . . I really have to stop here because I’ve caused myself to cry just now.

Anything with ‘life’ is precious. This means people, plants, bugs, trees, animals, etc. My family makes fun of me because I will not kill a bug, like a wasp for example, got in my clinic the other day and I caught it and let it go. My OT kids and mom was shocked and as I told my family later, they just shook their heads at me chuckling. They know this little nugget about me.

My OT mom said something that made my empathetic heart feel a bit better about having this label. She said that my empath label makes me a better OT for the kids and families that I work with and at that moment, I knew that God had a plan for me all along. He knew that it would hurt and cause me some stout emotional pain, but it was all in His plan for the kids and families I work with and to this I have to say, “Thanks God, it hurts, but it has all been soooo worth it.”

Love y’all!!♥

Butchered Bangs

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Bangs have been a conundrum in my life since I was a child. You wouldn’t believe all of the butchered bang pictures in my photo album! Its sad and scary, really.

I have pretty much always had bangs. When I was a younger girl, I remember growing them out a couple of times but maybe weeks after this feat was done, I’d ask for bangs again or, Good Lord, cut them myself. MISTAKE!

As I said, my photo album from childhood is littered with pictures of lop-sided bangs, bangs so short they resemble the picture I’ve added, and bangs that had no explanation as my mom would claim, “You kept moving!” Yea right.

When my son turned 5, he decided that he could cut hair as he graduated from the make-believe beauty school that apparently resided in his closet that I had not idea existed.

I’m sitting there finishing up my breakfast, after feeding the two wild animals also known as children when my daughter, whose hair I had finally gotten perfect, in my opinion, comes down the stairs saying, “Look mommy, I have a new hair-do.”

As I looked up from the book I was reading while eating, I about fell out of my chair as this child who I didn’t even recognize walks up to me pointing to her non-existent row of bangs.

My son is now descending the stairs with the scissors that did the butchering and says, “Did you see what I did to her hair?” You know those moments where you have an out-of-body experience and then have a come apart followed by rage? No? Well, I had the trifecta of a mommy who had put up with the last of a series of unfortunate and irritating events and came at my son like an insane person.

After I let him know not-at-all gently that this was not okay, he retired his scissors, handed in his make-believe diploma, and swore to never cut hair again.

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Thank you TED for the perfect depiction of my poor daughter who befell my son’s scissors.

Not kidding, her bangs were cut to her scalp. I have no idea how she didn’t lose an eye in the process of the bang mutilation.

Moving on . . .

Bangs had a whole new meaning after all of my hair fell out over 2 1/2 years ago after years of stress finally came to an end and I fell victim to a lovely little pain in the ass disease or whatever called Tellogen Effluvium. Yes, after my life had finally settled down and I was happily remarried, having only been married 6 months, my hair began to fall out and when it was done, I was bald from head to toe.

All of my worries about my bangs seemed to melt away and I feared I’d never have hair let alone bangs again . . . but by the grace of God, my hair came back and so did my, “To have bangs or not to have bangs?”

Such a stupid thing to concern my person about but there it is, I’m sometimes ridiculous.

The bang saga continued the other night after a long day of work, poor sleep the night before, and a foggy brain to boot. I decided my bangs, yes I still have them, needed a trim and I forgot that carnal rule about not cutting your bangs wet cuz they shrink once dry.

Well . . .

I now have butchered bangs of my own doing and I’ve had to pin them back or use a headband because of it. I’m nearly 46 years old and a veteran bang wearer and for some reason this bang phenomenon alludes me even to this day, I still can’t get it right. Why is this?

Sometimes I look at the silly things that I concern myself and just shake my head. And believe me, I know that there are horrible things to concern ourselves about like mean ole Irma and all of her other little hurricane children that want to plague us. Plus all the other million sad and horrible things happening on our planet currently.

Sigh . . . if life was simple about, “To have bangs or not to have bangs,” we’d sure live in a much more peaceful world, wouldn’t we?

Love y’all!!♥

 

Am I Being Punked?

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Have you ever felt as if you have completely lost control of your body, your children, your home, your job, your mind, etc.?

I feel as if some entity that I am unaware of has swooped in and reeked such havoc on my life right now because all I want to do is run out the front door screaming into the night. I’ve actually done this, but I came back, however, I’m thinking I may not come back for a bit this time.

You may ask, “Well, what on earth is going on?” I would answer you back, “I have no idea but life seems a bit out of control right now and I’m feeling quite stabby about it!!!”

This is not to say that my state of happiness has left the building, no, the Professor makes sure I am happy and well cared for. He treats me like a queen, y’all, and he’s just precious. I’m blessed.

No, it’s just, well . . . let me give you a couple of happenings here lately and you decide.

So, a lot of you know this if you read my blogs . . . I lost 42 of the 47 pounds that I was hoping for doing Weight Watchers. I was so happy and lighter in my body that I actually felt comfortable at the beach in my tankini this year for the first time in 5 years, but then, I lost my momentum when my work got very busy.

I looooooove my job and it is the reason for my purpose on the planet. Recently, I have added several other pieces to it to make it into the whole I have always wanted such as Hippotherapy, essential oils, nutrition, yoga, acupoint treatment, aquatic therapy, and a few more things that I have now coined ‘The Dragonfly Approach’ and I’ve even written a book on it. Just waiting to hear if the publisher I’m hoping for will pick it up. Keep your fingers crossed and your prayers coming and a big thank you for this too!!

A few of these additions to my practice required certifications and that took time and money but well worth it. Because I was so busy with these things over the last 3 months, I went from 5 pounds away from goal to 20 pounds away from goal and I’m so pissed at myself I could spit. So, this was the first loss of control.

Next, my daughter turned 16 years old and I was hit with a double surprise party last week. Double because I didn’t know the surprise party was going to be in my precious clinic, which got trashed, but it was cleanable. My daughter was certainly surprised and had a grand ole time so there’s that too.

In addition to turning 16, she is now missing from my home most of the time, her room is a mountain of unwashed clothing, cups, plates, forks, etc., and I now understand why I have seen 2 ginormous flying wood roaches in my house nearly causing me to throw up as I fled in the other direction lest it land on my face, which would cause me to die right then and there. God did not make roaches, y’all, the devil did. I swear I’ve got this right.

The Professor and I are also tangled up in stuff with the ex’s that just wear me the hell out. Can these people just do the right thing for once in their stinkin’ lives, please? This has caused us much stress and I’m so sick to death of being bothered by it. Pray for this one too, y’all, we need it bad.

Recently, my health has been . . . well . . . lets just say its been incredibly ‘off’ for some reason and I had quite the scare the other day at my favorite hair gal’s place and I almost had to have the ambulance called for me. No joke! Scared the shit outta me.

For the last 3 weeks, I have not had a good handle on my IBS and I wasn’t sure why. I would cheat here and there as far as what I should eat or in my case, what I can’t eat, which is practically NOTHING. No sugar, no gluten, no bread, no candy, very little fruit, no red meat, no cheese, blah blah blah. If I slip, I pay for it the next day with cramping and many trips to the bathroom. It’s not at all fun, y’all.

Well, as daintily as I can say this, as I feel I should if this were to happen to you, I had what you’d call a vagal response to what I can only presume was a slight bowel blockage.   Bear with me, it gets worse.

As I’m driving to my appointment, I had this weird headache that went from temple to temple across my forehead and on accident I noticed in the mirror that both of my eyes were VERY bloodshot like some stoner from Colorado. I also noticed that I became a bit confused as I pulled into my hair gal’s old place by mistake. By this time my stomach/intestines started hurting like I had to poo, sorry, but I’m getting there.

I realized my error in location, text my hair gal that I was an idiot, and proceeded to drive just a bit further down the road. By the time I pulled up to park, my hands started tingling, my heart was racing, and I started to sweat. I knew that it was a vagal response but I couldn’t figure out what was causing it until I sat down in the chair, my hair gal said I didn’t look so good, and that’s when a gut ripping pain shot through my abdomen as I apologized to my hair gal that I had to use the bathroom and it would be awhile.

By this time, every symptom had tripled in severity and I nearly passed out but not before I dry heaved 3 times into the garbage can. I nearly yelled for my hair gal to call an ambulance as I thought I was seriously dying and the pain in my abdomen was unbearable. After, dropping the first stubborn mean child off into the pool, the rest was water. I know its gross but I want to tell you this in case it happens to you. After the stubborn child was out, my vagal symptoms began to subside, but my problems weren’t over.

I somehow was able to sit through the rest of my hair cut and as I sat there I noticed I was pale as hell, my blood-shot eyes were white again, and my voice was hoarse from dry heaving. I was a freaking mess and my hair gal was very worried about me. One more trip to the bathroom and I felt a lot better.

Once home, I took some Advil and took a nap as this ‘situation’ wore me the hell out and also scared me to death, however, the bigger scare would come the next day . . .

I woke up tons better with a slightly achy stomach/intestines from the stress of the day before. I had the urge to use the bathroom and I could tell it was going to be loose. Well, it was loose all right . . . it was pure blood, yes, chunky red blood and A LOT OF IT!

I freaked the hell out, y’all, canceled my patients, and called the doctor. I then got online to look up what was happening to me and of course the first thing to pop up was colon cancer and that’s when I lost it. I know, I shouldn’t have used the internet for info.

I have not cried that hard ever, I don’t think. I was terrified in a way I have never felt before. The Professor had the day off and held me why I wept with fear telling me all would be fine but I wasn’t so sure.

I finally was able to get through to my mom and I was crying so hard she didn’t know what I was saying so I had to get it together. I wanted to know if what I had happen to me has ever happened to her, does it run in the family, and does colon cancer happen to run in the family also because I believed this is what I had and this type cancer killed my hair gal’s husband at a very young age a few years ago.

My mother offered a few explanations and my fear came down a notch but only one.

After the doctor’s visit here is what I discovered:

My digestive system had been bothering me for 3 weeks (having trouble going poo) as well as my unhappily acquired hemorrhoid that was bestowed on me after the birth of my second child.
My stomach had been swollen for those 3 weeks to the point I had a couple of folks ask me if I was pregnant. I began to believe I might be as well. This didn’t make sense because I was eating properly and I’m on the pill.
When I weighed in at Weight Watchers having had a killer week, I had gained a pound and some, which baffled me and pissed me off because I was on it!
I was sluggish and had low energy, which is unlike me and also incredibly unhelpful when you work with kids everyday, all day.

All of this added up to the following:

My intestines had been ‘sick’ for 3 weeks because my hemorrhoid was pissed off for some reason and was swelling only it wasn’t swelling externally, it chose the internal path hence my trouble going poo.
The ripping pain in my gut was my hemorrhoid beginning to erupt causing my body to go into a vagal response.
The stubborn child dropped off at the pool violently, finished the rupture.
The blood the next day was the aftermath of the rupture.
I don’t have colon cancer, just a ruptured hemorrhoid.

Now:

My stomach is not swollen.
Things are exiting great without pain or trouble.
I have lost a pound.
I’m terrified this will happen again!

Now if this all isn’t enough, the reality that my son will be gone next year to college hit me like a ton of bricks when we discovered a few days ago that he was accepted to Auburn. House divided y’all as I am an Alabama fan and so is the Professor but I’m proud nonetheless and so is the Professor as his son goes to Auburn as well.

My son is also missing daily now that he is driving and as I gave him a big hug today before heading down to the beach with some friends and the friend’s mom and her friends, I realized that my motherly immediate control is slowly slipping away. This is as it should be, I am tired and its time for the chicks to take control of their fate and future, but its weird, is all.

I am about to turn 46 in a few days and I have had one of the most exciting and interesting life by my own standards, not to brag, but its been a ride. I know I’m not dead yet but I’m over half-way there and that’s okay.

I told the Professor that I’m glad I didn’t die the other day at the hair dressers as I have so much more to do and don’t have time to be dead. Silly huh, but that’s how I feel.

“God, wait, okay man. I want to see my kids fall in love, marry the right one the first time, and hold my grand-babys. I want to see my book published so it can help parents understand the route to go when faced with the discovery that they have a child with or even without special needs. I want to see me reach my goal weight and stay there. I want to own a horse and have a pool in the backyard. I want to retire and travel as long as it doesn’t involve flight. I haaaaaaaaate flying. I want to see Hawaii somehow and be morphed there and not fly. I also have another couple of books to write and I’ve started one of them but it will be a trilogy so hang on a bit and let me live. I want to get my human stuff completed before I leave.”

My mom and I went to lunch today for an early birthday celebration as I will be out-of-town because the Professor has a surprise trip planned for me, yay, I told her I didn’t have time to die because I had so much to do. She laughs and knows that I’m kidding of course but in some ways, I’m not.

When you discover your purpose of life on this earth as I have, there is a drive you CANNOT explain to finish your ‘work’ here before you hopefully go to heaven. God knows this I’m sure, hell, He knows all, but every once in a while I have to tell Him just to make sure He knows. I’m an idiot, I know, but take me or leave me, y’all.

I love my life and I am happier than I ever thought possible because of the love that the Professor gives me everyday. Change is in the air and its okay, it’s just weird and although I will turn 46 next week, I’m still 22 in my head and when your 22 in your head, you are too young to die just yet . . . just saying, God. Just saying.

Love y’all!!♥

Fort Payne . . . not a ‘pain’ at all!

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One of the greatest things about the Professor is that he gets me better than anyone ever has or probably ever will. There’s something to be said for your spouse when he gets you as it makes for pleasant birthday surprises.

I turned 46 years old this past Tuesday marking my time on the planet, not my actual in my head age of 22. My kids were gone to the beach as it is their Fall Break, my oldest bonus son is at college, and my bonus daughter lives with her mom and we don’t see her much, sad to say, so it was only me, the Professor, and my youngest bonus son. No cake or ice cream, I don’t eat sugar, and for dinner we ordered Steak Out and I had a fabulous cobb salad. It’s the best, y’all! Quiet, simple, and lovely if you ask me when it comes to birthdays.

The Professor rarely remembers my birthday, which I am just as guilty not remembering his other than it’s in June . . . we also don’t remember our anniversary too well either, hence me getting a picture of a heart drawn in the sand with our names written inside of it and on the side of the heart, our anniversary date. A cheat sheet if you will. I know some folks would think this is nuts but dates don’t matter so much anymore when it comes to the two of us. All we know is that we were born, somehow found each other, and got married. That’s really all that matters to us because we just want to love each other and not make it complicated, ya know?

So Mr. Sneaky Pants decided to surprise me with a 3 day 2 night trip to an undisclosed location only sending me the weather report and that’s it. A few days before we were to leave the Professor says, “Um, I’m not too sure about this place but I’m hoping for the best.” Say what?

He tells me it will take about an hour and a half to get there and that was great news to me because I get very stabby in the car if it is more than 4 hours, hence my bursting out of the car after 8 hours of driving hell to get to Destin this past summer nearly taking out an innocent family just trying to go out to dinner. This stuffs real, y’all, not kidding.

Well, at some point along the way, the Professor had to tell me where we were going because I was driving and I was so excited to hear that it was Fort Payne, Alabama. You see, a few weeks ago, we were catching up on our show ‘The Voice’ when a commercial about ‘explore Alabama’ came on and they showed these beautiful falls that I had no idea existed. I loooooove waterfalls as they have a lot of meaning to me because of the movie ‘Dragonfly’ starring Kevin Costner. Not a lot of folks know about this movie but it is INCREDIBLE not to mention, I have a ‘thing’ for dragonflies, just ask my OT kids and have a gander at my left foot! I have the movie if you want to borrow it.

As the commercial finished up, my beloved had already typed it into the search box and we discovered that it was a close trip, though I didn’t realize I’d be there before I knew it at the time.

As a little girl, I had very specific dreams about things I wanted to do and opinions about things I liked. I always wanted to live in Grand Junction, Colorado and although it was for only 5 months on an internship, I ‘lived’ there for a time.  I loved fishing, loved log cabins, camp fires, the outdoors, the beach (later, after we moved to Alabama), dogs, horses, and farms. I wanted a log cabin near a lake with mountains all around. I wanted a couple of horses and a good man to grow old with and have farting contests . . . just kidding, but not really, you just have to know me.

This is how life works though . . . as I said, I lived in Colorado for a bit, I have passed my love of fishing down to my son who is great at it and get to do it here and there, I own 2 dogs and they are both sweet but my rescue is so skittish and shy, something I am not good with especially in people, although I rock it with my OT kids for some reason, and she drives me nuts oh, and she sheds. Its my cross to bear, y’all, could be so much worse, just ask those poor folks of Las Vegas. I don’t own a horse but I get the honor and privilege of having several friends who own horses and I do Hippotherapy with my OT kids. I now have, after 16 years of unpleasantness, found the man who just so happens to love the beach, praise the Lord, oh, and he loves Mexican food, woohoo!

I live in the mountains of Alabama as they surround my home, and I have a lovely home with a gigantic backyard that I plan on building a pool in not only for use with my OT kids for therapy but for my family as well.

I don’t own a log cabin near a lake but I’ve got the Tennessee River just down the road from me by 10 minutes, I love sitting by that river with the Professor on a cool night and watch the sunset. That’s heaven, y’all!

All of my desires aren’t exactly met but really, they are if you think about it.

So, back to the trip . . .

Without GPS we would not have found this place. As we pull into the road that would lead to the greatest thing ever, I observed the Professor holding his breath. As we round the corner and looked to our left, the most lovely log cabin is sitting up on the small hill and I squealed like a crazed girl at a Beatles concert. It was perfect and the inside was beautifully decorated to boot and . . . there was a fire pit and a jacuzzi and two comfortable as heck rocking chairs on the front porch!!!

The Professor sighed with relief as I gave him a big hug and a kiss thanking him for such a wonderful surprise and as we got ourselves settled, I marveled at how blessed I am to have this man for a husband and thanked him a million times for ‘getting’ me.

As we sat on the front porch in our rocking chairs, drinking a shumaling, and just breathing, I felt myself relax for the first time in a while. It was lovely and therapeutic, I can assure you.

After a time, we decided to go for a walk up the road some to see the other cabins, the land, the pond, and the pasture. We ran across a raccoon and then spotted a couple coming towards us. The woman was walking and the man was in a quadriplegic sip and puff wheelchair. Now, me being who I am, I haaaad to talk to these folks as I hoped to find out what put him in that wheelchair. As we greeted one another and met their little dog, we talked about all kinds of stuff from the tragedy of the Las Vegas shooting, religion, and finally what put him in that wheelchair and it broke my heart, y’all.

This couple was probably in their early 70’s, retired and all. The man tells me that he had ridden and raised horses all of his life and was in the rodeo. Horses where his life and he told me that he got on a horse that he didn’t know because the girl who was trying to ride it was having trouble so he wanted to get on the horse and see why and in a split second the horse bucked, he fell, and he suffered a complete C3 spinal cord injury. Do I dare look at the Professor’s face learning of this as he knows how much I would like to own a horse of my own someday. I didn’t look at his face and as we moved on from them he says, “See, you owning a horse could get you in a wheelchair.”

As I sighed I said, “Anything can land you in a wheelchair. I refuse to live life for fear of being injured or dying, ya know?” It was at this point that I realized that the Professor is afraid of dying. I’ll have to revisit this with him someday.

Moving on . . .

Without getting into too much TMI, we made great use of the jacuzzi and the fire pit as we had complete privacy.

We saw the falls, hiked, ate at this great local Mexican restaurant, saw the antique mall, downtown, and anything else we could fit in. At night, we slept like rocks and in the morning, I loved waking up first to sit on the front porch in my rocking chair just breathing. The Professor said that he loved hunting and gathering kindling and logs for the fire, he said it gave him purpose and exercise. I loved that.

On the way home, we passed through Scottsboro and ate at another awesome sauce Mexican restaurant called Margarita’s, which had a Mexican buffet and some delicious margaritas to boot. After that, we went to a place I’ve wanted to visit forever called ‘Unclaimed Baggage.’ You have never seen so much STUFF in your life.

The Professor told me to get whatever I wanted and he’d buy it for my birthday. I got a few things but I got one of the coolest spoon rings I have ever seen. It is the most unusual atypical spoon ring you have ever seen. The sales lady said that if she had seen it before me she would have bought it on the spot. I told her to back it up that it was mine. She laughed, it was cute.

Arriving home safely today with 2 more days off, well, except for my 2 yoga classes I teach tomorrow morning to the kids, I’d say it was one successful trip and I had a ball. I’ll tell you, the Professor has got to be the funnest person to be around and I love him so much. Thank you Jesus for letting me find him.

If you are fried and burning the candle at both ends, stop a second and make plans to visit Bear Creek Cabins in Fort Payne, Alabama. If that’s too far, explore your surroundings and find a place to decompress, Lord knows we need this more often than not. And if you are lucky enough to enjoy it with someone you love to bits, well there’s your cherry on top.

Love y’all and praying for our Las Vegas folks and families!!♥

Losing One’s Mind

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The answer to this question is, heyull yes!! Yesterday, actually, I lost it during the most frustrating day from hell!

Now, we all make mistakes, even me, yes, I make too many to talk about. I am a master mistake maker actually. My only saving grace is that most of the time, I learn from them.

So, my baby girl turned 16 years old yesterday and this is a day that I have been waiting on for a long long long time as I am so sick to death of driving her over-social ass around all of the time, begging my son to drive her, paying her friends with money and gift cards to do it, and anyone else that I trust to do it. I almost went so far as to hire a dang Uber for her because I was at my wits end about a month ago.

Well, our DMV has made it to where you can make an appointment so you don’t have to wait an eternity in the stinky, poorly lit, and incredibly creepy waiting room. So when I went to make her an appointment in our town’s DMV, her birthday date was full and she about had a come apart at this so I stupidly made an appointment on her birthday in a town about 50 minutes from me. Sigh.

We wake up at 6 am yesterday, leave by 6:30 am and decide to take the scenic route for our drive over there as her appointment wasn’t until 8 am. The drive was lovely and all was smooth sailing until . . .

When I get stressed because directions given to me by Google maps sends me to the drug testing building for a diver’s license in a town I am unfamiliar with, not once, but twice…I begin to get stabby, develop a frontal lobe headache, and I want to chuck my damn cell phone into the oncoming traffic only after calling Google maps and blessing them out.

Upon entering into the drug testing parking lot again because I spied some ladies waiting for their drug testing, I kindly asked them where in the world the DMV was. They both laughed at me as I explained my plight and that the Google maps devils had entered my phone and rendered it useless.

They tell me that it is in the basement of the courthouse just up the rode. For a moment, I felt like I was in that movie ‘PeeWee’s Big Adventure’ when the crazy fortune teller tells him that his stolen bike is in the basement of the Alamo. That’s how my mind works, it was like a temporary happy place as I thought that movie was hilarious. I know PeeWee got in trouble for playing with his weewee in a movie theatre but I think he was made out to be a ‘self-touching’ example, really. I think it was all silly. If you don’t want to see him touching himself, look away, although yes, it’s a bit lewd, just look away. Now, if he tries to get you to join him or worse yet tries to put it on you, then you have a case.

Anyway . . .

I walk back to the car, kick my daughter out of the driver seat, told her we had 2 minutes to get there, and proceeded to the ‘Alamo’ DMV in the basement.

We get there in 2 minutes, somehow, race through the metal detectors, run down the stairs, and wait for her turn. We didn’t sit there but 30 seconds and she was called . . . here’s where it gets stabbier . . .

We walk up to the nice lady behind the desk, my daughter hands her the papers that her driver’s ed teacher told her to be sure to bring, and we are met with, “Um, these aren’t acceptable.” Um, come again?

“You must be mistaken as her driver’s ed teacher gave her all of these and said to bring them with us to see you. Maybe the form has changed or something?”

So, becoming not-so-sweet lady worker says, “You are missing the yellow card and I can’t do anything until you bring that to me.”

Standing there, trying not to take one of the yellow highlighters on her desk and color the small piece of paper we did have yellow to shove it in her face and say, “Here its yellow, now let’s get on with this,” I took a deep breath and walked out.

My daughter was pale and stunned and I am sure I’m red and pissy looking. I didn’t know who to blame, my daughter, the now my worst nightmare worker lady, or myself for not triple checking behind my daughter.

My daughter storms out and I can hear that she is probably crying as I try to catch up to her. Once to the car, she says, “Mom, I HAVE TO GET THIS LICENSE TODAY! Please!”

Now, I haaaaaaaaaaaate to be inconvenienced and when I have a set of plans that are laid out and they get royally screwed up, I don’t do so well, especially if it wastes valuable time and that pesky thing called money. I don’t answer at first because I see my whole day coming apart before my eyes. After we got home, I had planned on bathing, working on paperwork, getting her birthday cupcakes, and then going to get my military ID with my step-daughter and the Professor. Well . . .

We go and get breakfast so I can calm myself and while sitting there, I know that it has to happen today because the look on her face is so very sad.

We drive back the non-scenic way another 50 minutes back to our town, run by the house to get her permit, yes, she did not have it, I was mad about that, and then run by the highschool where the magical yellow card was, an additional 20 minutes, and then turn right back around and drive another 50 minutes to the basemented DMV.

I had calmed at this point and I looked over to see my sleeping baby who shouldn’t be 16 years old yet because I’m still ’22’ and I’d have been 6 years old when I had her and it was at that moment that I realized, “This life you have made is real and these kids will all be gone soon so make good memories with them now before they leave. Who cares that you will be on the road for 4 hours because you will be on the road with her, your heart, and that’s an honor and a privilege.” Tears, y’all.

We finally get there, just in the nick of time as they were closing in 15 minutes for lunch, get her squared away and by this time it was lunch.

Now, I have not eaten Italian in about a year because I have been trying really hard to lose all of this stinkin weight with Weight Watchers. I’m struggling at the moment but I refuse to give up.

We end up at a place called ‘Grumpy’s Italian Grill’ and boy howdy these folks now how to cook up some delicious manicotti. I was in heaven!! I even bought my daughter one of their cool shirts.

On the way home, I was fully relaxed and all was well until . . .

For most of the day, I kept getting messages about a weather advisory but as I looked into the sky, I thought maybe it was for another part of the world. We were about 15 minutes from home when the worst weather I have ever driven in since I started driving at 16, swept in and I thought I’d either blow off the road or drown as I have never seen this much rain mixed with driving wind in my life. Bunches of people were pulled over including a couple of cops but I forged on because damn it, I had stuff to do plus, I kept hearing my mom say in my head, “Don’t pull over because someone will hit you.”

By the Grace of God, we made it home and my nerves were fried as you can imagine but my sweet daughter is now official and I got to spend some good quality time with her so all of it was worth it to me in the end.

I have launched my last driver and this DMV crap is finally over with for me, praise the Lord however, there are now two sweet wonderful kids on the road and a whole new set of concerns and worries. Thank God for the power of prayer.

Love y’all!!♥

Rolling Down The Hill

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Now, if any of my Weight Watcher friends see the title and then see the picture, they will get what I’m talking about and I love them for that. For those that don’t WW with me, I have a tale to tell . . .

When I was growing up, the thought or talk of weight was never an issue for me as I was lean and strong. Weight ended up being a topic after my mom had her third child and there was also a shift in the world of body image. This started, in my opinion, because of concentration camp looking people like Twiggy, where starvation began to be worshiped. They also came out with Diet Pepsi and my mom went to town on this drink however, in the end, she literally went insane and had to give the stuff up lest she kill her three children. True story. It’s in my first book on Amazon called ‘Something Dreamy This Way Comes.’

I never knew a fat kid and I remember not really knowing a fat grown up, except for some of the nuns that taught at our school. I think there was a whole lotta resentment for some of these gals as I understand that some of them were forced into the nunnery. I’d eat too, trust me.

So, as society began to change, weight began to be talked about more and more, which is grotesquely ironic considered the restaurant portions began to grow considerably. In addition, the idiot food people, to get more money, began doing poisonous things to our foods like hormones, pesticides, GMO’S, MSG, etc. This began to alter our very DNA, hence, all of the genetic disorders and incredible rise in autism and ADHD.

Our society began to implode on itself with all of the mess that we were putting into our bodies, the amount we were putting into it, and technology didn’t help the matter either as more and more people began to ‘sit’ a lot more in front of their glorified technologies of choice. Fewer people would be seen outside playing, walking, jogging, etc.

We were being done in, yes by society, but by ourselves too, y’all. I am one of those people.

I was 5’6″ and weighed a healthy 140 no matter if I pigged out or if I starved myself. I worked out 4 times per week. I was in good shape.

Well, throw in a couple of kids, inject my food with poison therefore causing me to have a leaky gut, add gravity, little time to work-out, and a dying metabolism . . .

At 38 years old, for the first time in my life, I began to struggle with weight. This was something I had NEVER thought about prior, though society kept trying to eat its way into my head. I gained and lost this ’38’ weight, as I call it, but it wasn’t done with me just yet.

At 40, my marriage finally finally unraveled and I was the heaviest I’d ever been. I won’t throw out the number because you wouldn’t believe it if I told you. Sadness and abuse has a way of pushing you deeper and deeper into that pantry.

After my divorce, I got back down to my ideal weight. This would be the 3rd time I had to lose it and each time, a bit more of the ‘fat’ family reunion were invited and showed up.

After meeting and marrying the love of my life, I put on what I like to call the ‘love chub.’ Actually, we both did. When I met the Professor, he was cut like you wouldn’t believe and wow, is all I can really say. He felt the same of me as I really worked at it and was satisfied with the results.

Well, being in love renders you blind so you stop working-out because you figure the incredibly frequent sex is doing the job, you eat a lot of pizza, and eat A LOT of chips, salsa, and margaritas. As the years go by, you find you have put that exact stinking weight on and then some AGAIN, damn it!

I was at my all time heaviest back in July 2016 when I started WW with my mom. She had about given up on WW but I made her go because I was tired of her whining about her weight too.

I managed to lose 42 of the 47 pounds I wanted to lose and then, about 2 months ago when I got insanely busy adding bits to my holistic practice, I tripped and began rolling down the ‘hill.’ Now, I have told this story a few times during my meetings at WW and EVERYONE gets it. Here’s what it means . . .

I explained to everyone that I had rolled all the way down the hill and into the mother-load of chips, salsa, and margaritas and there I stayed for the last 2 years, hence my weight gain aka the love chub. My WW people squeal with laughter as do I.

Now, I have rolled down the hill again but luckily this time there is a little ledge that has caught me about half-way down and there is a pile of chips and salsa and about 12 margaritas and yes, I am enjoying them but as I stand on the edge of this little ledge, I see the sea of chips, salsa, and margaritas below and I shudder as I DO NOT want to be down there again.

I was 5 pounds away from my goal and now I’m 20, I think. I haven’t even looked because I’m so pissed off at myself . . . BUT I WILL NOT GIVE UP AGAIN, NOPE!

The Professor gently reminds me how hard I have worked and tells me that he doesn’t want to see me go backwards. I have to ‘gently’ remind him that this is none of his business but I know he just gives a damn so there’s that.

My hope for all of you is to NEVER GIVE UP and know that you are not alone in this damn food addiction we all have and if you are fed up like I was, I encourage you to take a look at WW and maybe consider it. Its good, healthy, and sensible. I pray for all of us to never give up and stay the course and if we begin to roll down the hill, I pray there is a little ledge and we are able to get the vantage point of what lies below and it scares the hell outta us and pushes us back up that hill.

One thing to remember though, your heart and mind make up who you are, not your chub so get that outta your head right now people!

Love y’all!!♥