Jeff Mach's Blog, page 14
November 15, 2023
Real Poems Brine
They say real poems rhyme.
This is not true.
Real poems brine.
After you’ve butchered your doubts,
and carved out some choice, raw bits,
you salt them dilligently,
refrigerate them
(an ice age would help)
and grant it some time.
During that granted time,
the salt seeps in,
forms a coating,
adds a soupcon
of savoriness.
But wait.
What about vegetarians?
Perhaps we’ve spread this metaphor too thin.
We’ll just end this here, before–
what’s that?
We didn’t throw you off?
You know the truth?
Real poems crime.
(Or at least, they can.)
Not all real poems.
But many real poems.
Especially now.
Real poems might have no more purpose than describing
a daffodil
(not that one needs more purpose than that;
who are we to say?)
But even that could frighten somebody.
Certain kinds of language strike flame
in the skull,
and that is the spark of rebellion.
Any wise autocrat knows this.
When poems are criminalized,
who will write poems?
(Everyone, friends.
Everyone.)
The post Real Poems Brine appeared first on Jeff Mach Writes.
November 9, 2023
Seventeen Orcs
The Dragons were first, for even the Devils
Spend too much time in underground levels,
and even Devils most fireproof
Fear a Dragon’s ire: “POOF”
And if the Devils were next,
each with sharp trident,
and flames abundant,
and voices strident,
They scarce overshadowed the Necromancer
Who was evil and scary and a really good dancer.
But as unlikely as toucans kissing storks:
There were also seventeen misplaced Orcs.
The Kobolds had the basic decency
To avoid everyone (at least, recently.)
The Goblins, each with greenness replete
Had all buggered off to Plato’s Retreat.
The greatest Monsters assembled to fight,
The smaller ones were generally sufficiently bright
To go elsewhere, like popping corks…
Except for exactly seventeen Orcs.
Now, a horde of Orcs can be quite a force
And of nightmares they’re a source
But that’s with, say, ten thousand or so.
Seventeen? They’d likely blow
Away with the first sharp wind;
Or under a Griffon they’ll get pinned
Who let them in? What Dark Lord sent
Such a silly little regiment?
(The seventeen Orcs just wanted to help,
But the other Monsters treated them like kelp.
And when the Forces of Good curbstomped the rest
The Orcs were dutifully impressed.
The Orcs and all their many kin
Decided that Humans would do themselves in
And if they all did work remote
No-one would find them. So, this note:
The next time you think your customer service
Is intentionally making you mad and nervous
It might not just be Human error;
It might be inhuman terror–
For this was the Dark Lord’s secret plan:
Who can defeat the Light? No-one can.
Except, of course, the Light itself.
So the next time you see some happy Elf,
Just go whisper in that pointed ear:
“I know why all of you fear
To get online. For you’re defeated
Inconvenienced forever…
…and someday deleted.”
The post Seventeen Orcs appeared first on Jeff Mach Writes.
November 8, 2023
Brief Thoughts On Belief Thoughts
It’s well-known that human perception is limited to far less than what our senses can actually obtain.
What this means is that we take in what we can, and process the rest.
Or, really, we process things as we start to take them in, and our internal editor decides what to do next. Narrow our focus? Expand it? Change directions? Change the signicance or meaning of what we see?
At best, this provides us with a great deal of the basis for our sentience, our ability to problem-solve, and our (possible) ability to see murderous animatronics in the dark and run away from them.
At worst, this provides us with a dank little passageway, wherein all we can see is a narrow path (if any) and few (if any) directions.
Robert Anton Wilson called this a ‘belief tunnel’.
He wrote a play called “Reality Is What You Can Get Away With”, with the aim of expanding what humans believe they can perceive and know.
Not a lot of people read Robert Anton Wilson these days.
The AI doesn’t like being called a ‘tunnel’.
The post Brief Thoughts On Belief Thoughts appeared first on Jeff Mach Writes.
November 7, 2023
Against Faerie Tales
Once upon a time, there was a place where Faerie Tales weren’t even real.
Naturally, this place was always confusing. There wasn’t even a Narrator, or, if there was, the existence (and nature) of said person was most hotly debated.
Not only was it rare to be a Prince, Princess, King, Queen, or Magician, it was also rare to be a Poor But Happy Peasant…and as for being the third of three siblings, of whom only one would amount to anything, that happened rather less often than one might expect.
Naturally, the inhabitants of this Universe had a miserable time. Many of them disbelieved in magic and happy endings.
But worse, they didn’t believe that the authors of stories had a special vision into the nature and purpose of the Universe.
That’s why we wrote them out of the story and left them in that Universe.
Forget them. Come live in fairytales and be free.
The post Against Faerie Tales appeared first on Jeff Mach Writes.
November 6, 2023
On Rule 43
Rule 43
Proved true for me,
regrettably,
regrettably,
I won’t describe it
(compassionately)
trust me, trust me,
think logically:
Rule 34 says that all things erotic
(and that’s episodic,
almost parodic,
since eroticism
needs individualism:
you never know what turns someone on.
My rule 34 was Lovecraftian,
how daft a man
I was;
Now Cthulhu’s in my bedroom,
and the World is doomed because
we met on Tinder,
now the World’s soon a cinder,
but I don’t mind all that much.
At first I was wroth,
but he invited over Azathoth,
who has a surprisingly gentle touch.
I won’t say more,
so don’t implore,
for even if you’re old enough to hear,
the sexual is weird,
but the World’s disappeared,
and that’s an idea
you oughtn’t go near
As long as your sanity’s valued.
The post On Rule 43 appeared first on Jeff Mach Writes.
November 5, 2023
Some Rhymes About Dystopias
It’s not artifical intelligence
Which gives me maximum offense.
What’s likely to get taunts from me?
This dystopia can’t decide
Which dystopia it wants to be.
Should we be like “1984”?
We can’t fear that anymore.
Screens which see you just sometimes?
That’s less of a threat than my tiny little rhymes
Sure, Winston was caught and threatend with rats,
But a true dystopia wears many hats.
Betrayed by one person? Amateur!
I’ve been betrayed by a thousand or more;
and people see what happened to me,
and they’re silent.
“Brave New World”? Snooze me into a coma;
Free love, and consequence-free Soma
If you’d really like to be set for a fall,
Our poor substitute is Adderall.
“Farnham’s Freehold”? I can’t say at all
It’s in the bookcase in the hall;
But the rules of the dystopia that’s real
Make banning that book a part of the deal.
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November 4, 2023
The Fallacy of Futility
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November 3, 2023
First, Destroy Magic
There’s no single inarguable point at which to begin the formation (or realization) of a dystopia.
Primus, there might be any number of reasonable approaches; and, obviously, there are innumerable unreasonable approaches, as well. (It takes only the merest pinch of historical knowledge to recognize that one of the best ways to destroy a society by accident is to work very hard at making it better.)
But one good way is to destroy Magic.
If we’re going to see Magic and Science as opposites (and what a weird, recent, modern idea that is; and by the seven toes of Thoth, quite a lot of civilizations merged them with great success; why that is, I’ll leave to you)–then we have to admit that very few of us, if any, know how to use Magic to effect serious change in the world…
…unlike Science, about which you can say exactly the same thing…
…I mean, how many people, including scientists, know how to use Science really well; theoretical science does the thinking, and practical science does the engineering, and then Marketing comes in, and…
….and in all of this weirdness, really, truly, Magic could be helpful.
I believe in Science, even though I understand very little of it.
I am unsure about Magick, even though, frankly I understand it a lot better than ‘science’, whatever that might be.
…ergo,
and Q.E.D.:
“Science” and “Magic” are just words. If scientists can’t do basic counting math (remember that “we flat-out miscounted the chromosomes, it’s 46, not 48, kids” thing?)–then I’m not sure I want them to be invoking Hekate on my behalf.
What we need is Magic. What we need is Hope.
Science could do that just as well.
Unless you take the Magic out of it.
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October 31, 2023
Happy Halloween!
We promise you: The rest of this story was definitely not eaten by a Grue.
The post Happy Halloween! appeared first on Jeff Mach Writes.
October 26, 2023
Animatronics
It’s just an arcade, just a mall, just a neon expanse of shooting light and calculated palm trees. Every inch of the architecture was made to get you in a kind of buying mood, and then the stores came and went intheir own way and time. That’s normal in human affairs: lots of planning, lots of random changes.
It’s just an abandoned mall, a massive arcade, an expanse of neon light and calculated glittery displays. And they’re just animatronics, walking through the hallways, endless and clanking and inescapable.
It’s just the endless passage of years, becoming more mechanized and more neon and less natural light, and frankly, I love the neon light.
I don’t love the guardians, but I can hide from them. There’s lots of canned food in this mall; there was a shopping mall there once. Although I did run out of my favorite cans a solid six months ago…
I don’t love the guardians, but I can outwit them. Sometimes. When I’m not outrunning them. When I’m not about to lose my head in a literal kind way.
I don’t know what happened Outside. All I know is, it was scary out there. It’s scary in here, and admittedly, it’s probably less scary out there, but I’m afraid to find out.
And you’re here with me. In this metaphor, and possibly in this fear. Are you trapped on some kind of Inside, afraid to go Outside? Afraid of what Outside might even look like?
Individually, we’re afraid. Collectively, we could be brave. Or we could be A WHOLE LOT MORE AFRAID. Because crowds can create a sense of security, and they also lead to the madness of mobs.
Your first job, if you choose to accept it, is to be less afraid. You probably can’t do that on your own. Find a friend, or a frenemy.
From there, find some courage.
You’re not an animatronic; don’t act like one.
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