Stephen Burckhardt's Blog: My Blog Ramblings, page 60

Friday Funnies: Doctor Edition!

Hello Posse! In the face of the current pandemic, I think is it important to keep our sense of humor and try to find the joy in the little things. To that end, I decided to look up some humorous doctor jokes. In 2004, when I was going through all of my brain surgeries (I've had six, if you didn't already know), I was always teasing my surgeon that with as many times as he got to shave my head, I should have at the very least gotten a lollipop out of the deal. Lord knows I probably paid for a new summer home for him. I'm kinda of mad that I still haven't gotten that lollipop! All kidding aside, I had a fantastic neurosurgeon but when you are going through such medically serious and emotionally draining times, it's important to find something to laugh about. So without further ado, here are the best "dad jokes" about doctors I could find. Enjoy! Stephen Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he lost his patients! Where does a ship go when it gets sick?
To the dock! Doctor, Doctor! My son just swallowed a roll of film!
Don't panic! Let’s just wait and see if anything develops! Doctor, there's a patient on line one who says he's invisible. Well, tell him he'll have to call back, I can't see him right now. Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. Next time, try blowing the candles out first. Sir, I'm afraid you have a serious condition. Your DNA is backwards. And? My mother used to say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. They tried to save the patient with I.V. antibiotics. Sadly, it was all in vein. I tried to play hide and seek in the hospital. I lost, they kept finding me in the ICU. Never lie to an X-ray technician. They can see right through you. And last, but not least . . . Doctor, I think I’m a bit hard of hearing. Can you describe the symptoms? Sure. Marge has blue hair, Homer is fat and bald, Bart is obnoxious, and Lisa is the smart one. #FridayMorning #FridayThoughts #blog #indiebooks #indieauthor #books #writer #author #writing #writers #book #BookBuzz #Reading #mustread #doctorjokes #jokes #puns #oneliners #FridyaFunnies #blogging #bloggers

Wednesday Whatever: Things to do While Quarantined!

Hello, Posse! I am so glad this is posting today. I wrote this last week and have been continually updating it as I find more resources. I could not make myself stop so thankfully when it posts today I will be forced to stop messing with it. With so many people globally being put into quarantine or choosing to self-quarantine to help slow the transmission of CoVid-19, I thought it would be good to share some great things to do during this time at home to stay occupied and entertained. My husband and I are staying in the next two weeks, just going out to walk the dog and get a bit of fresh air in our neighborhood, but still keep our distance from neighbors, as his company is asking employees to work from home to help do their part to slow the spread of the virus. It will help if you try to keep a somewhat regular routine so you do not get bored. It will also help when you have to transition back to normal life. It will not be such a huge adjustment to get back to your regular routine. Get up everyday at approximately the same time as usual. Sleeping in an extra hour or staying up a bit later than normal is not bad, but staying up until 4 a.m. when you normally go to bed at 11 p.m. could disrupt your sleep patterns when you try to get back to normal. So now, what to do with all this extra time at home? Here are a few suggestions that do not include sitting on the couch and mindlessly binge watching two weeks worth of TV shows, though you could do that too, but why not check out these entertaining and educational options. 1. Exercise! It will be important to keep active while stuck at home. Even doing just a little light yoga everyday can help improve mood and circulation. If you prefer lifting weights but can't get to the gym, substitute household items. Canned goods, jugs of milk, and books are just a few things in your home that can be used as makeshift weights. YouTube has tons of free workout videos from beginner aerobics to Zumba. You can find something for just about every fitness level. 2. Read I would, of course, suggest starting off with Stephen Burckhardt's Into the West Saga Serial, they are clean reads and parents have found them to be suitable for at least 10-years-old and up, but once you have finished reading those (and hopefully left a review on Amazon or Goodreads) you can find numerous free or discounted deals on Amazon.com and B&N.com. There are books for just about every age and interest. Numerous classics are now in the public domain and can be downloaded for free. This could be your chance to finally read Pride and Prejudice or Moby Dick (which I still have to finish). Don't forget to check out your local library's website, most libraries have a virtual lending program for ebooks. Even if you are not local, places like The New York Public Library are expanding their online resource offerings to help everyone get through this time. 3. Learn a Language Have you ever wanted to learn Spanish or French or any number of other languages? Now is a perfect time to do it! There are several free apps available to help you learn and practice some new language skills. PC Magazine gives you a breakdown of some of the best free apps. 4. Deep Clean Your House This is not the first thing I would personally opt for when suddenly forced to be home more, but why not take advantage of the time at home and get those chores done around the house that always seem to get put off. I know for me, I don't vacuum under the couch as often as I should. Now, since the hubbie is home with me, I have someone to hold up the couch while I vacuum. 5. Virtually Tour a Museum or National Park If you go to Mental Floss' website or AdventuresinFamilyhood.com, you will find a lists outstanding museums and other organizations from around the world where you can take virtual tours right from your own couch. Why not check out some great artwork, learn more about the space program, learn about pandas, or check out the differences in between the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous periods. If you want to view a park, check out this article on Thrillist.com. It lists several national parks you can virtually tour on google earth. 6. DIY Crafts Why not have a home version of Nailed It? Have a family craft night where each member tries to replicate the same DIY craft. You can find many options online for all skill levels. The one who does the best and the worst job, gets a prize. You can even go outside the family with this by challenging friends and family online to try the same craft and post photos on social media. Have the online community vote to see who nailed it and who didn't. 7. Become a Mad Scientist Turn your kitchen into a science lab and whip up a little mad science with some simple experiments. Check out the video posted below or go to MommyPoppins.com for a list of 63 simple experiments families can do using common household items. Do you have eggs, glass bottles, candles, matches, milk, and vinegar on hand? Well then, you are all set to do your best mad scientist impersonation with at least two of the experiments from the list. 8. Family Game Night My husband and I love to play cards together, though anyone watching us would think we hate it because we get vicious while the game is on, but we really love it and have so much fun together. We are just both very competitive. We also love playing video games together and just downloaded Monopoly on Xbox. However, you do not need anything special to have a family game night. It can be as simple as playing charades or just GoFish. 9. Charity work Charity can begin in your own neighborhood. Do you have elderly or disabled neighbors who can't get to the store right now? Why not make them a care package? It is a safe bet they have been having trouble finding the basics just like everyone else, but they might not have the strength or the means to travel to five or six stores to find what they need. If you have a little extra to spare or can pick up a few extras while you are out, you can make a care package for them with toilet paper, hand sanitizer, Clorox wipes, tissues, bread, apples, and canned or packaged dry soups. It would be fantastic if you gave them your phone number in case they need something later or just need to talk. If you are frightened right now, imagine how an elderly person living alone might feel. Your kindness just might help save a life or, at the very least, help you make a new friend. 10. Take a Class Everyday more and more institutions are offering free online classes to help everyone get through this trying time. You can learn the basics of ballet, learn to draw with Mo Williams in his free Lunchtime Doodles Class on Facebook, and Scholastic is offering free classes for kids. IF you have ever wanted to learn to cook or just improve your current skills you should check out massimobottura on instagram. He will be giving free cooking class on his Instagram channel. If you prefer Facebook, check out Italian grandpa Pasquale Sciarappa. I personally love watching his videos and have tried a few of his recipes, they were fantastic and so simple to make. If can't find something that interests you now, just wait. More offerings are popping up daily. 11. Visit a Theater . . . Virtually The Met is offering free streaming of past performances. You can watch classics like Carmen, La Traviata, La Bohème and more. Check out their website for the full performance calendar. If opera is not your thing and you would prefer a Broadway show instead, checkout Playbill.com where they have several popular performances available for free viewing including Rent, Cats, and Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. What better time to enjoy the arts? 12. Check out a Concert Several artists from John Legend to Keith Urban are streaming live concerts from their home or studio to help those affected by the coronavirus outbreak. Check out #TogetherAtHome to find more listings or go to abc6onyourside.com, a news station in Ohio, for more information. 13. Have Story Time Several authors are taking to the web to provide story time to those who are stuck at home right now. One of my favorite is with Josh Gad on his Twitter page #GadBookClub. If you don't recognize that name you must not have read the credits for some of Disney's biggest movies the last few years. He was LeFou in the live action Beauty and the Beast but he might be best known as the voice of Olaf in Frozen and Frozen II. Storyline Online is another great option with a fantastic selection of stories and related activities. 14. Search the Web This is just a short list of activities I was able to find with a quick search of the web. Imagine what you can find if you take the time to do a lengthy search. YouTube is a great resource. They have free full length movies that are in the public domain, you can watch instructional videos to learn to cook, sew, knit, make furniture, and so much more. This could be the time to find your next favorite hobby I hope everyone is (and stays) safe, happy, and healthy! We CAN do this, #TogetherAtHome! Best Wishes! Dianne Harry the Dirty Dog Read by Betty White 5 Amazing Kids Science Experiments with Balloons by The Dad Lab #WednesdayMood #WednesdayMotivation #WednesdayMorning #WednesdayThoughts #blog #indiebooks #indieauthor #books #writer #author #writing #writers #book #BookBuzz #Reading #mustread #science #kids #yoga #DIYcrafts #Zumba #museums #springcleaning

Monday Movie Madness: Winchester '73

Hello Posse! I don't know about you, but I love Jimmy Stewart movies! From It's a Wonderful Life to Vertigo, Jimmy Stewart is one of those rare talents who just can't be matched. Over the years Stewart stared in numerous westerns. Some of which have been almost forgotten by modern movie fan while others will forever resurface occasionally as diehard classics. Today's movie is one that seems to fall somewhere in the middle. Winchester '73 deals with a turning point in American history; the development of the Winchester repeating rifle. This gun changed the wild west in ways no one could have predicted. Winchester '73 was released in 1950 by Universal Pictures. The film was directed by Anthony Mann and starred James Stewart, Shelly Winters, Dan Duyea, and Stephen McNally. It also had a few cameo appearances by some new and, as of the time of the movies release, virtual unknown actors: Rock Hudson, as an American Indian; and Tony Curtis, as a cavalry trooper. The story was written by Borden Chase and Robert L. Richards. It follows the journey of a coveted 1873 Winchester rifle as it gets passed from one unfortunate owner to another while Stewart's character seeks to settle a score with another cowboy. The movie was nominated for Best Written American Western Award by the Writers Guild of America and in 2015, it was selected by the United States Library of Congress for preservation in the National Film Registry for being "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant". So why not sit back and enjoy a little bit of Americana with Jimmy Stewart? Be sure to check out my Facebook page (click here) to find today's movie snack recipe to go with this great film. So, get your snacks and drinks, and settle in for some great entertainment. Enjoy, Stephen #blog #bloggers #MondayMorning #mondaythoughts #MondayMotivaton #MondayMood #Monday  #writing #writers #book #BookBuzz #reading #author #mustread #movies #westerns #westernmovies #recipies #snacks #Facebook #JimmyStewart

Friday Funnies: Friday the 13th Edition!

Hello Posse! I hope you are all having a wonderful and lucky Friday the 13th. This day tends to make people wary but have you ever stopped to wonder how this fear of Friday the 13th began? Many different theories have been proposed thorough the years but one what has continually been passed down is, at least in part, a possible connection to the Christian Bible. According to the text, there were twelve guests at the Last Supper, Jesus and his twelve apostles, which included Judas, who would later betray Jesus. It is believed this is where the superstition came from about having thirteen dinner guests at a table. Over the years, this fear of bad luck extended beyond dinner guest at a table to just the number thirteen on its own. It is thought the day was chosen due to another Christian connection as Jesus was crucified on a Friday. Some suspect these two connections helped play a part in the combination of Friday the 13th being considered bad luck. Individuals who suffer from triskaidekaphobia, fear of the number thirteen, will sometimes omit the number when sequencing various things. Through out history this has been seen from builders omitting room number 13 on a floor to the entire 13th floor in buildings being skipped over. Friggatriskaidekaphobia is the scientific term for the fear of Friday the 13th. Over the years, people have reacted to this superstition in many ways. While some people may have a genuine fear of this day, others have poked fun at the superstition with comedy and movies. Whether you fear Friday the 13th or not, I hope you will find the following jokes to be a bright spot in your day. Take Care and . . . Good Luck! Stephen What do you get when you cross Jason Voorhees and a bowl of Corn Flakes? A cereal killer. What Great Lake should you avoid on Friday the 13th? Lake Erie. What do Italian's eat on Friday the 13th? Chicken Fettuccini Afraid-oh! Did you know that Jason Voorhees was a successful stand up comedian? Every joke he tells kills! What did Jason's mom sing to him on Friday the 13th? "Voorhees a jolly good fellow. Voorhees a jolly good fellow." Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance on Friday the 13th? Because he had no body to go with. What's Scarier Than Friday the 13th? These jokes. #FridayThe13th #Friday13th #FridayMotivation #FridaysForFuture #FridayVibes #fridaymorning #Fridayfunnies #JasonVoorhees #blogger #blog

Wednesday Whatever: A Day Late and Exhausted Edition!

Hello Posse!! I am very sorry to be getting this out to you a day late, but just as I sat down to write the blog yesterday, I got a notice from my husband and got distracted. It looks like his office is potentially going to be shutting down for two weeks to try to help stop the spread of CoVid-19. I had just come home from running errands and he suggested I go back out and get a few more things, just in case we need to voluntarily sequester along with the company. Unfortunately, I do not have a car and I was going out buying mostly canned goods. We mostly use fresh foods in our diet and normally go to the store a few days a week, as these things have a short shelf life. Because of this, we do not have a lot of canned good in our pantry. You can well imagine how heavy it was to carry home cans of dog food, fruits and vegetables, and bags of dried beans, pasta, and rice. To add insult to injury, it started raining on my walk home. Not a good thing when you are carrying at least one paper bag. By the time I got home, I was wet, exhausted, and completely forgot about the blog. I do apologize for that. I had planned on talking about some new books that have come out this recently and honestly, this seems like the perfect time. With more and more people opting to stay in due to the current virus situation, what better time to catch up on your reading? So I'm going to share a few options from different genres so you just might find something to suit your tastes. Humor: Strange Planet (Strange Planet Series) by Nathan W. Pyle If you have not seen this comic series you are missing out. Pyle takes a look at everyday Earth happenings from the perspective of alien beings. It makes you view your world and your own habits in a completely new light. If you want a good laugh, this is a great choice. The new book in this series will be out this summer. Sci-fi: Smoke Bitten - coming March 17th (A Mercy Thompson Novel Book 12) by Patricia Briggs If you have never read any of the Mercy Thompson books, I highly recommend you go back and read the first one in the series and read them in order. I am sure you can understand this book just fine without doing that but the characters relationships build over time and it would just be better to read in order. The main character is Mercedes Athena Thompson Hauptman. She is a shifter who can turn into a thirty-five pound coyote, when she is not busy fixing Volkswagens. She has many friends and enemies in odd places but luckily she has a pack of werewolves to back her up. Centuries ago, the fae abandoned their castles and troves of magical artifacts as well their prisoners and pets. Without the fae to keep them in check, dangerous creatures began to wreak havoc and now one of those prisoners has escaped. It can look like anyone or any creature, if it bites you, it controls you, and it lives for chaos and destruction. Now it has come to the Tri-Cities, Mercy's territory, and she is not about to let it stay! Thriller: The Sleepwalker (Aidan Waits) by Mr Joseph Knox ‘He said he didn’t remember killing them…’ If you like a good who-done-it. This book might be for you. Detective Aidan Waits sits in hospital ward, watching a mass murderer die. Waits has just one job, to get the location of Martin Wick’s final victim before passes away. Wick, nicknamed TheSleepwalker, has spent over a decade in prison after having confessed to an unspeakable crime that shocked the nation. Wick’s last words will send Waits on a investigation into the heart of darkness. Can Aidan Waits solve his last case before it's too late? Non-Fiction: Things I Learned From Falling by Claire Nelson If you prefer real life stories this will be the book for you. Claire Nelson made international headlines in 2018. She was in her thirties, living a hectic life in London, and beginning to burn out. When anxiety finally brought her to her breaking point, she travelled to Joshua Tree Park in California to hike and clear her head. What happened there was something no one could have predicted. Claire fell 25 feet while hiking and gravely injured herself. She was alone in the desert, injured, miles off any trail, with no a cell phone reception, fighting to stay alive. Miraculously she was found after enduring four days out in the elements. She had not been expected to be found alive. Claire tells her incredible story and shares what she learned about loneliness, anxiety, and how to survive it all. I hope you find a new read among these but you can always search online for more suggestions or pop into your local bookstore to browse. As someone who worked for a major brick and mortar bookseller for way too long, I can tell you for certain that most bookstore employees are avid readers and are a great source of information when you are looking for suggestions on new books to read. So grab a cup of tea, your favorite comfy blanket, and curl up for a while with a good book, or two, or three, or whatever. Happy reading! Dianne

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