Emily Howitt's Blog

Easter 2019

Do you ever feel inadequate?

Do you ever feel unworthy to be loved by God?

Me too. But that’s when we need to remember the cross.

When we need to remember that God sent his Son to die for us. To die. God. The Son. DIE. As one of us.

God became like us. He took our place. He took our sins upon himself. He who was sinless became sin for us. God died for us.

He knew what it was to be forsaken by God, so we would never have to be.

We couldn’t save ourselves, so he did it for us.

So, yeah. We are inadequ...

Closing Prayer of 2018

As the year comes to a close, I felt the desire to praise God and share it with you. Here goes:
Dear God,
I love you. I adore you. I praise you. I thank you for all the blessings you’ve given me this year. For good health news, for myself and others. For having a job. For having a good church community. For being alive.
But I also need to praise you for the dark moments, don’t I? For the feelings of worthlessness. For the anxiety. For the worry. For the endless battles with OCD. I know you do no...

Quiet Time or All the Time?

Every once in a while I think about planning/scheduling, but rarely do I ever stick with it. Actually, never. Or at least not long term. But I keep coming back to it for some reason. Don’t know why. I think because almost everywhere you look, productivity blogs and such tout it as some super great life hack to get a million and one things done in a week. I get that planning can be very beneficial for some, but maybe it’s just not for me. Or maybe I just need to figure out the method that work...

Shambles

I feel like my life is in shambles sometimes.
Like I am floating through it with no idea where to go.
Like I am bouncing back and forth, trying to decide the “right” move.
Like I’m stuck in some sort of limbo and wondering if I’ll ever get out.
Like everything is cricking, orcracking.Breaking, andshattering.But on the surface is a smooth piece of glass that says:I’m doing fine.You don’t need to worry.I don’t need to worry.
I’m doing fine.
I’m not doing fine.
I’m doing well enough, I suppose.I have p...

Thoughts on 2018

So tomorrow is 2018. And I’m just realizing how long it has been since I wrote a blog post. I don’t really know what happened. I had intentions. Good intentions (road to hell is paved with good intentions :) But then I think Christmas and working eight and nine hour shifts, and not getting enough sleep, and lots of things happening happened. But even before that it was kind of off track. I did have some blog posts or blog post type things written, but I never did post them. I might in the New...

Worthless Is A Lie

Sometimes I feel worthless. Sometimes I feel like a failure. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up on my dream. Sometimes I wonder if I should numb the pain with alcohol. Just go to work, and hate my life, and numb the pain emotionally.
These are horrible things to think as a person, and as a Christian, but they are there, nonetheless. They’re all lies. They’re things that seem true when you’re trapped in self-despair. Escape seems like the only option, even though it is dull and listles...

Depression Is Not The End

Once upon a time there was a little girl. A little girl who thought that she was all alone in the world. She had no one who understood her. No friends to speak of. Even her family didn’t really “get” her. They loved her, of course, and she loved them, and they were close, but she didn’t let them into her innermost darkest secrets.
The little girl would cry week after week because she was alone. She found solace in writing. She found solace in writing out her pain, writing about tearing her bod...

The Problems with Complementarianism

I am a woman. I am a child of God. And I do not need a man to lead me in spiritual things, and I do not need a man to make decisions for me. I am capable of making my own decisions, and listening to the Holy Spirit on my own.
What I’m talking about is male headship. Complementarianism. The idea that men are to be the decision makers in marriage. Or at least have the final say. That men are to lead women in spiritual worship. I read one article telling men that this doesn’t have to be hard. Jus...

Choices

This post is for all the other writers out there who are frustrated as hell. Sorry I probably won’t be able to offer you any solid advice, but maybe my thoughts will offer you some solace, or some nugget of wisdom.

I’m having career issues. I’m at a crossroads, and I’ve gone from one road to the other twenty times and back, trying to make sense of what the hell it is I’m supposed to do in this life.
I want to write. I know that. I live that. But society tells me I need a real job. No, that’s wr...

When Life Looks Bleak

So ideally this post should have been put up before Easter, or on Easter, but it wasn't written yet and I'm not waiting until next Easter to post it. My hope is that someone who needs the words will see it and it will speak to them.


How do we have hope in the darkest, bleakest times? How do we continue to keep hope alive when all seems lost? When all is dark and gray and falling to ashes around us, when our hopes and dreams disintegrate into dust, when it feels like God himself has left us alo...