Clyde Dee's Blog, page 16

Five Considerations that Help Keep Groups that focus on “Psychosis” Inclusive:

I believe with fervor that having survivor-led group therapy that redefines “psychosis” is missing in the system. Over the last nine years I have been leading what I call special message groups in multicultural settings. I have found not only that such groups can be run safely, but that they have the power to transform lives. However, I do have to admit that when it comes to kicking people out of group to maintain group equilibrium and safety that I believe there are a few things to consider first.

First, I believe that a group leader needs to be prepared for the fact that mad people show up in very different ways. Group facilitators need to be familiar with and recognize a wide variety of presentations or manifestations. Perhaps group members may feel like they are being mocked by others in the group via illusionary ideas of reference, or even controlled by them. They may code up their language for protection. They may treat the facilitator as if the facilitator can hear the same voices they hear. They may not believe in spite of stories shared that the facilitator has experienced what they have. I myself have prepared myself for these challenges by attempting to better define what “psychosis” is. I have reconstructed a definition that can sync up a wide variety of what have historically been defined as conditions. I believe if the leader is not prepared to accept all presentations, people will not feel safe talking about their experiences. I believe that intolerance for people who show up in a different or what is perceived as a difficult manner can be extremely hurtful.

Second, I believe the facilitator can take measures to help train the group to be brave and tolerant of each other. I frame coming together with the specific purpose of sharing untold stories to be an oft neglected privilege that has unfortunately been denied because the “they” experts say it is not safe. I am always willing to start out with my own story. I advocate for a spirit of risk taking by acknowledging that people in the group may be so used to dangerous or distressing experiences that guaranteeing safety would be a disservice. I also might point out that despite what “they” say, this is a practice that has been an effective movement in different countries and that I have done for a long time. In my mind, these kinds of comments are treating the “set of symptoms” as a neglected culture that is subjugated. Moreover, keeping the group focused on the things they have in common with each other in the earlier stages of group development can help. Also strongly supporting alienated individuals also helps train the group to be more tolerant and can avoid many problems that come up in a group discouraging them from expecting a trouble maker from getting kicked out.

Third because there is a high degree of diversity in the mad community, I believe the facilitator needs to be extremely sensitive to all forms of culture, particularly pertaining to relevant issues of subjugation. Discerning the social factors that are effecting the person shows up in a difficult manner is key. Race, class, gender, sexual orientation, age, religion, education, legal justice history, substance abuse history, immigration, gang affiliation, disability, employment history are all social factors that can show up. It is wrong, I believe, to exclude someone because they are testing or trying to teach you about these kinds of issues. Sure some people may try to dominate the groups. A group facilitator needs to be prepared to accept, learn and support everyone. Again, a person who is not accepted on the basis of something that the facilitator is ignorant about or is not curious to explore, may do harm.

Fourth, it may be necessary to meet with individuals outside of group to learn more about why they are hurting the group. If a group member is dominating to the point they doing intentional harm, they may in fact be expressing a need to connect with you. Perhaps, they are experiencing messages that are extremely misunderstood or there is a cultural issue with you that they can talk with you about.  But when the group is truly becoming unsafe for participants, which is rare, out-of-group meetings are called for and the facilitator needs to work on better understanding the problems that come up in group and clearing up any cultural issues. Perhaps meeting might involve two individuals at times. At any rate, making the time for this outside the group is a very important resource.

Fifth, finally, if taking the time for a meeting or two doesn’t improve the behavior, the leader can propose a specific behavior contract to protect the group. In my opinion, this is best utilized in real emergency circumstances and needs to be devoid of the leader’s cultural biases to the best of their ability. This is also something that requires the participant’s participation in which the problem can be identified and an agreed upon solution can be proposed. At the very least the contract needs to be something the participant can buy into. When the participant takes the power to get involved, consequences can involve sitting some groups out, or being referred to individual therapist or perhaps a different group. I’d suggest that if the participant takes steps outside the group to improve themselves the leader can be in communication with them, pining for their return.

It is true that many people who suffer from “psychosis” or message crisis also have complex histories, trauma and other comorbid problems like substance abuse and nuero-diversity. I have seen these kinds of complex issues which may challenge safety get addressed within a group process as such, even by survivors who visit programs rather than work in them.

 

Five Steps that Leaders Might Consider to Keep Groups that Focus on “Psychosis” Inclusive:

I believe with fervor that having survivor-led mad group therapy available to the public can greatly reduce the suffering that people who experience “psychosis,” or what I prefer to call special message crisis, go through. Over the last nine years I have been leading mad-focused groups in multicultural settings mostly in, (but sometimes outside,) the system. I have found not only that they can be run safely, but that they can have the power to transform lives. However, I do feel motivated to assert that when it comes to kicking people out of group to maintain group equilibrium and safety that I believe there are five steps leaders need to be prepared to make first.

First, I believe that leaders need to accept the way people show up, prepared to intuit all varieties of presentations or manifestations. Perhaps group members may feel like they are being mocked by others in the group via illusions that function as ideas of reference, or even controlled by them. They may code up their language for protection. They may treat the leader as if the leader can hear the same voices they hear, or as though they know the leaders’ reincarnated soul. They may not believe that the leader has experienced what they have (and indeed they may be right.) Some may dominate the discussion or purposely try to take over the group. Because all of this can be challenging to safety I have learned that it helps when the leader is intuitively prepared for any and everything. I myself have prepared myself for these challenges by attempting to better define what “psychosis” is. I have reconstructed a definition that can sync up a wide variety of what have historically been defined as conditions. And I try to be forever curious as there are always new things to learn. Indeed, if the leader is not prepared to intuit and accept all presentations, people will not feel safe talking about their experiences. I believe that intolerance for people who show up in a different or what is perceived as a difficult manner can be extremely hurtful to the group.

Second, I believe that leaders need to work to train the group to be brave and tolerant of each other. I frame coming together with the specific purpose of sharing untold stories to be an oft neglected privilege that has unfortunately been denied because the “they” experts say it is not safe. I am always willing to start out with my own story and I advocate for a spirit of risk-taking/sharing by acknowledging that people in “psychosis” or special message crisis may be so used to dangerous or distressing experiences that guaranteeing safety would be a disservice. I also might point out that despite what “they” say, this is a practice that has been an effective movement in different countries and that I have done for a long time without too many problems. In making these kinds of comments, I am, treating the “set of symptoms” as a neglected culture that is subjugated. Moreover, I have found educating the group about the reconstructed definition of “psychosis,” or messages crisis, has kept the group focused on the things they have in common with each other, particularly in the earlier stages of group development. Strongly supporting alienated individuals also helps train the group to be more tolerant and can avoid many problems that come up. This can go a long way in discouraging the group from expecting a “trouble maker” to get kicked out.

Third, because there is a high degree of diversity in the mad community, I believe the leader needs to be extremely sensitive to all forms of culture, particularly pertaining to relevant issues of subjugation. Remaining open to all people who show up without cultural bias is particularly important to when a person shows up in a difficult manner. Knowing how the behavior fits into cultural issues can be key to addressing it. Race, class, gender, sexual orientation, age, religion, education, legal justice, substance abuse, immigration, gang affiliation, disability, regional conflicts, employment history, social adeptness and many other social factors or potential for cultural conflicts. It is wrong, I believe, to exclude someone because they are troubled by these kinds of social factors. Though they might not all show up immediately, a leader needs to be prepared to accept, learn and support everyone. Again, a person who is not accepted on the basis of something that the leader is ignorant about or is not curious to explore, may do harm.

Fourth, I believe that leaders need to be prepared to make time to meet with individuals outside of group to learn more about why they might be attempting to hurt the group. If they are doing this intentionally, they may in fact be expressing a need to connect with you. Perhaps, they are experiencing messages that are extremely misunderstood or there is a cultural issue with you that they need to talk with you about. I have learned that getting to know peoples’ messages in deeper ways can really help in managing problems that might otherwise come up in group. But when the group is truly becoming unsafe for participants, which is rare, special meetings need to be called for and the leader needs to work on better understanding the problems that come up in group and clear up the cultural issues. Perhaps, an outside the group meeting might involve two individuals at times when there is conflicts. On the one occasion I neglected to do this in a pro-bono group, I lost a lot of group members.

Fifth, finally, if taking the time for a meeting or two doesn’t improve the behavior, the leader can attempt to make a targeted-and-specific, culturally-sensitive behavior contract to protect the group. In my opinion, this is best utilized in real emergency circumstances and needs to be devoid of the leader’s cultural biases to the best of their ability. This is also something that requires the participant’s participation in which the problem can be identified and an agreed upon solution can be proposed. At the very least the contract needs to be something the participant can buy into. When the participant takes the power to get involved, consequences can involve sitting some groups out, or being referred to individual therapist if they are unable to make a change in behavior. I’d suggest that if the participant takes steps outside the group to improve themselves the leader can be in communication with them, pining for their return.

It is true that many people who suffer from “psychosis” or message crisis also have complex histories and trauma and other co-occurring problems (like addiction and nuero-diversity.) I do believe that these kinds of complex issues which challenge safety can be addressed within a group process. I have seen them addressed even by survivors who visit programs rather than work in them.

Five Steps Leaders Can Take to Keep Multicultural Mad Support Groups Inclusive:

I believe with fervor that having survivor-led mad group therapy available to the public can greatly reduce the suffering that people who experience “psychosis,” or what I prefer to call special message crisis, go through. Over the last nine years I have been leading mad-focused groups in multicultural settings mostly in, (but sometimes outside,) the system. I have found not only that they can be run safely, but that they can have the power to transform lives. However, I do feel motivated to assert that when it comes to kicking people out of group to maintain group equilibrium and safety that I believe there are five steps leaders need to be prepared to make first.

 

First, I believe that leaders need to accept the way people show up, prepared to intuit all varieties of presentations or manifestations. Perhaps group members may feel like they are being mocked by others in the group via illusions that function as ideas of reference, or even controlled by them. They may code up their language for protection. They may treat the leader as if the leader can hear the same voices they hear, or as though they know the leaders’ reincarnated soul. They may not believe that the leader has experienced what they have (and indeed they may be right.) Some may dominate the discussion or purposely try to take over the group. Because all of this can be challenging to safety I have learned that it helps when the leader is intuitively prepared for any and everything. I myself have prepared myself for these challenges by attempting to better define what “psychosis” is. I have reconstructed a definition that can sync up a wide variety of what have historically been defined as conditions. And I try to be forever curious as there are always new things to learn. Indeed, if the leader is not prepared to intuit and accept all presentations, people will not feel safe talking about their experiences. I believe that intolerance for people who show up in a different or what is perceived as a difficult manner can be extremely hurtful to the group.

Second, because there is a high degree of diversity in the mad community, I believe the leader needs to be extremely sensitive to all forms of culture, particularly pertaining to relevant issues of subjugation. Remaining open to all people who show up without cultural bias is particularly important to when a person shows up in a difficult manner. Knowing how the behavior fits into cultural issues can be key to addressing it. Things to consider that might cause conflict are not limited. Race, class, gender, sexual orientation, age, religion, education, legal justice, substance abuse, immigration, gang affiliation, disability, regional conflicts, employment history, social adeptness and many other social factors or potential for cultural conflicts. It is wrong, I believe, to exclude someone because they are troubled by these kinds of social factors. Though they might not all show up immediately, a leader needs to be prepared to accept, learn and support everyone. Again, a person who is not accepted on the basis of something that the leader is ignorant about or is not curious to explore, may do harm.

Third, I believe that leaders need to work to train the group to be brave and tolerant of each other. I frame coming together with the specific purpose of sharing untold stories to be an oft neglected privilege that has unfortunately been denied because the “they” experts say it is not safe. I am always willing to start out with my own story and I advocate for a spirit of risk-taking/sharing by acknowledging that people in “psychosis” or special message crisis may be so used to dangerous or distressing experiences that guaranteeing safety would be a disservice. I also might point out that despite what “they” say, this is a practice that has been an effective movement in different countries and that I have done for a long time without too many problems. In other words, treating the “set of symptoms” as a neglected culture that is subjugated works. Moreover, I have found educating the group about the reconstructed definition of “psychosis,” or messages crisis, has kept the group focused on the things they have in common with each other, particularly in the earlier stages of group development. Strongly supporting alienated individuals also helps train the group to be more tolerant and can avoid many problems that come up. This can go a long way in discouraging the group from expecting a “trouble maker” to get kicked out.

Fourth, I believe that leaders need to be prepared to make time to meet with individuals outside of group to learn more about why they might be attempting to hurt the group. If they are doing this intentionally, they may in fact be expressing a need to connect with you. Perhaps, they are experiencing messages that are extremely misunderstood or there is a cultural issue with you that they need to talk with you about.  This is something that has admittedly been easier for me because I work in a therapeutic community in which I can call for one-on-ones and can get help working with the individuals’ therapist. I have learned that getting to know peoples’ messages in deeper ways can really help in managing problems that might otherwise come up in group. But when the group is truly becoming unsafe for participants, which is rare, special meetings need to be called for and the leader needs to work on better understanding the problems that come up in group and clear up the cultural issues. Perhaps, an outside the group meeting might involve two individuals at times when there is conflicts. On the one occasion I neglected to do this in a pro-bono group, I lost a lot of group members.

Fifth, finally, if taking the time for a meeting or two doesn’t improve the behavior, the leader can attempt to make a targeted-and-specific, culturally-sensitive behavior contract to protect the group. In my opinion, this is best utilized in real emergency circumstances and needs to be devoid of the leader’s cultural biases to the best of their ability. This is also something that requires the participant’s participation in which the problem can be identified and an agreed upon solution can be proposed. At the very least the contract needs to be something the participant can buy into. When the participant takes the power to get involved, consequences can involve sitting some groups out, or being referred to individual therapist if they are unable to make a change in behavior. I’d suggest that if the participant takes steps outside the group to improve themselves the leader can be in communication with them, pining for their return.

 

It is true that many people who suffer from “psychosis” or message crisis also have complex histories and trauma and other co-occuring problems (like addiction and nuero-diversity.) I do believe that these kinds of complex issues which challenge safety can be addressed within a group process. I have seen them addressed even by survivors who visit programs rather than work in them.

Dining Room Discourse

Come travel the depths of this lonely night

Where knotted roots grope for a morsel

Amid the pale faces of flesh undressed

Whose pathways are smitten with pools of blood

That had once been pumped by a vital heart

Now lay stagnant, solitary tear drops.

“Besides,” she says: head bowing, smile sly,

“My boyfriend would really hurt you if he

Found out I was going to leave him for you.”

And suddenly I am flushed through the vein

Into cavern where the vultures might digest

The grim reality we all might call truth.

Outside I dine in tavern with maiden,

So fair, who no longer wants my love stare?

I do not feign to flee into the night

Through thicket of veins that crunch underfoot.

But might these vine grow grapes and berries sweet

That expose my heartache, a vanity?

There is depth deep in this pit of despair

That is truly called to burrow deeper.

So why bother wet the tip of this plume

With the stain of my x generation?

The lame reader will only scoff and suck

Your precious oxygen beneath oak tree.

From the railroad tracks, cross my father’s lawn

To the dust graffiti of the ghetto

I’ve cast my eyes upon the root’s domain

Where radical cysts strangle the silk day,

With puss from the bottomless hole of greed;

As such past traumas are revisited

With the dawn of a new day eminent.

So much waste at so young an age

Cysts absorb nutrients devoid of love.

But I cast off these internal wanderings

While I stand on my pedestal of mold

In the utter recesses of the night

Dreaming of love, commitment, devotion

Lacking the structure of rhyme and reason.

Dump the rack of mint and pepper season

The sound fades to absorbed desolation.

Dump the thyme and rosemary into dust!

Heed not the reverberations of the weak!

Let us travel to a place far away

Above the walls of my dank existence

To where sun nurtures the high desire

And taunt wildflowers sway in the breeze

Fueling the bud of repressed passion;

And while no blood has bloomed I can still see

The iris of my imagination

Through the green mist of the vegetation

Where fair maiden bathes on a blanket.

Oh might I sit in that silent clearing

Might I hold that curve in her spine to mine,

And taste the pure cocktail of her lips?

If not the thunderous crack of her eyelash

That looks towards the door and speaks her firm, “no!”

I look at her from the depths of this site

Knowing that she will not care about

A scavenger of my variety,

Who starves to death with the proud aesthetic.

She has no idea that within the decay,

The corroded grime of sheer existence,

That nurtures my eternal echoing

Of spiteful spasmodic septic sink holes

That there lies a heart that is open and sincere.

Excerpt from Special Messages Book, Chapter Seventeen, Anti-Stigma Cognition for Social Rehabilitation

Philosophy of Reality that Promotes Anti-Stigma Cognition:

In order to sell the good parts of cognitive therapy as a tool for social rehabilitation, I have had to create an underlying philosophy about what reality is. This is a model that can come up at various points in individual and group therapy as a means of motivating a message receiver toward using the material world to fact check their spiritual insights.

In this model, I consider reality to be a dialectic between the spiritual message world and the material modern world. The spiritual message world involves all the message experiences that I took pains to identify in chapter four and throughout the text. In short, this includes things like ESP (i.e. reading minds,) hallucinations (i.e. hearing voices) and intuited reality discerned through things like coded linguistic coincidence and loosely associated coded symbols that inhabit a real or imagined world. The spiritual message world is very much in the subjective perspective of an individual consciousness.

In contrast the material modern world (or profane reality) consists of the reality that is shared in the mainstream social world that is based on scientifically arrived at concepts that exist in the collective consciousness of an established culture and rooted in observation of the social world that is inhabited. Ultimately, message receivers are living entirely in the message world and need to increase their focus and motivation to strike a balance between these two entities.

Ultimately, as the intellectual community has learned over time, scientific paradigms get created and occupy the social mainstream for decades and centuries until a scientific figure discovers something that changes that paradigm. And so Europe stops thinking the world is flat in 1492, and in the 1800s Darwin challenges literal interpretation of the creation notion in the Bible, and sometime in the future enough power and money will effectively topple the Western psychiatric establishment and the DSM will be replaced with science that better depicts the interplay between trauma and neuro-divergence.

The dialectic of these two worlds is not all that different from Marsha Lineman’s dialectic between the rational and emotional mind. I consider the constructs to be similar but defined for a slightly different ethos of people. Much as it is with Marsha Linehan’s dialectical behavioral therapy, I postulate that a person’s sharpest perspective of reality comes when there is overlap between the spiritual message world and the profane material world. I believe that this is a simple lesson that can inspire the message receiver to avoid the all or nothing trap when it comes to receiving special messages. Message receivers need to pay attention to the information they receive from special messages but they need to be mindful of it and learn to fact check it against the profane material world. They need to pretend and go along with the profane concepts and fact check. In some cases, they may need to decrease stigma that is due to false mainstream concepts (particularly when it comes to themselves) and plan to reshape the paradigm so they can be permitted to play significant roles that fit them in society. In my experience, these concepts can be very easily taught to message receivers in a manner that resonates and helps them feel both understood and motivated to use the tool of anti-stigma cognitions.

I want to spend some time looking at the ramifications of this model. Essentially, what this philosophy suggests is that there is a part of the message world that is real, and a part of the material world that is not. This may be challenging for some to accept so I want to further explore each world so that my generalizations about types of reality can be further discerned.

   

Truth in the Spiritual Message World:

Yes, I have lived with messages long enough to believe that a part of the message world can offer a valuable view of the way the world is put together. Being in message crisis I learned truths about the way technology mixes with social control and sustains propaganda. Thanks to people like Edward Snowden and criminalized individuals associated with Wiki leaks who have devoted their lives to letting the public know more about what is really happening, I have had it confirmed that many of the divergent views I had during my message crisis were real.

As a result, I am no longer a protester and a whistle blower and I thoroughly understand the criminal networks of the American black market along with the need for it. I see now that I have learned a lot about social oppression, wars and genocide by making meaning of the world I have experienced in ways that are very valuable. I have learned that intuitive material can give me premonitions on some occasions, but that if I overly rely on it I will get burned and become emotionally distraught in ways I do not have to be. In other words, I get confused about intuitive reality and anxious projections.

In observing private stories of other individuals who navigate message crisis over the last ten years, I have learned that similar themes about social control, power, corruption, and spiritual reality come up for many message receivers. People with different values, political ideologies, access to resources, or and allegiances develop different takes and play different roles in the narratives of their divergent views. Perhaps, instead of the mafia, the enemies are aliens or demons, but the world operates in a similar manner and takes into consideration wide historical perspectives. Not everyone receives truth that might be best explained by spiritual connection. Likewise, not everyone faces evil that is tormenting and abusive. However, by connecting to the right facts in the material world a message receiver can better understand and endure what they are going through. Maybe they might be living their lives like they are in another time period or a war zone, but unleashing their stories and applying them to the profane material world can be a helpful activity. Indeed a savvy helper in a trusting relationship can do this in a way that promotes alternate meanings and functional flexible theories about message causation.

A story I often use that demonstrates this is my old fixation with California license plates. In my message crisis, I believed them be used to incorrectly define people as corrupt enemies of the state or as powerful agents within the state. To explain: I believed that associations I made to the numbers and letters helped me understand where the state was coming from with regard to people. Many of the number association were reinforced by the numbers of the specialty sandwiches I worked with in the Italian Deli.

Ten years later, I came across a newspaper article that disclosed that some license plates actually do code messages in them based on government code . . .  in Cuba. So I learned that experience did have reality in it. I was just a few countries off! Additionally, I did learn in a message group once that the chef who made up the sandwich specialties really was a local Italian kingpin. Of course, I don’t know for sure if that’s true, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore.

 

Lies in the Profane Material World :

Yes, part of the material collective ethos of a society is based on lies and human exploitation. Extremely, complicated science is based on ever-shifting paradigms that are found to be inaccurate and that can produce facts that can lead to magnificent oppression. Indeed, facts can be attained based on faulty science that have inherit concepts of superiority attached. I am going to explore just one aspect of this, psychological testing.

For example, consider the way psychological testing from IQ, to the Thematic Apperception Test, to the Rorschach might get misused. Considers ways they might not only get used to understand and help, but also to justify institutionalization and political marginalization. Consider that they are not always culturally competent. Consider they are a snapshot of a person at a given time of crisis that get reviewed repeatedly. Consider that altered states change that people who are incredibly hurt heal, that we do not publish psychological tests to understand or select our leaders, but to direct those who are downtrodden through our social institutions. Consider that they do not account for racial, class or gender tensions between the tester and the subject. Consider how law enforcement can use them to solve crimes. Mix those tests with knowledge attained by the social psychology field and you start to get a different picture. Consider that people most often selected to be psychologists have an elevated p factor, p standing for psychopathology.

There are many ways pseudoscience in American society has functioned to justify differing types of atrocity and justify a prison system that is filled with people of color. Whole industries are made illegal and as a result violence is taught and perpetuated. And so people are ranked and educated so as to spend their life in institutions regardless of significant cultural issues, people like Sylvester Stallone. Stallone attended an expensive special education school in Philadelphia. I worked at a similar institution for a year and can imagine some of what he might have been subjected to. I was taught that some of those with conduct disorders respond best to negative reinforcement. Students were on a negative reinforcement point system because that’s what psychology suggests works best. Often they seemed to respond better to physical restraints wielded with love by individuals who were paid so poorly that they had to engage in illegal activity to survive.

I personally believe Stallone had to create an ingenious manner to stay out of prison and stay free. And so Rocky was created, great story, and eventually used to promote hatred against the cold war Soviet Union.

Indeed there are many ways that inherently false beliefs that are promoted and held to maintain social order. Rhetoric and propaganda hide reality and irrationally connect people in ways that encourage strife, conflict, and politics. Sure notions of good and bad power exist, but some people are clearly silenced bagged and tagged sold up the river in ways that many people believe is justified. The words of some are amplified, and of others are irrationally silenced. Institutional bullying leads to swaths of stigma and irrational reality.

Not all science and knowledge about nature and the material world is false. Much of the information that we know in the modern world is trustworthy in some contexts. Some may be sanctioned by god and some may be driven by human corruption to increase inhuman, irrational oppression. In other words, the information age that ignores the experience of the message receivers who fill our churches and mental health wards might need some spiritual guidance.

 

Using the Philosophy of Reality in Modern Social Rehabilitation Efforts:

Think of it this way: classically, message receivers become overly focused on the spiritual, message world so much that they break away from the profane material world entirely. In order to motivate message receivers to increase their focus on the profane material world, I argue that when the spiritual message world functions in unison with the profane material world that is when a body is most in reality. I find that many message receivers are particularly motivated by truth. Thus, I argue that when the message receiver can use rationality and apply themselves and it to the profane material world they can bring the two worlds into balance and have a more rational, real experience. Ultimately, they could experience a reality that might make them less hurt, angry, fearful, or mad.

Thus, cognitive therapy, or anti-stigma cognitions may need to be leaned on to promote some degree of social rehabilitation. It is clearly arguable that knowing the scientific paradigms that are out there in the mainstream is an important thing to understand and know.  Message receivers may even need to subjugate themselves to them for extended periods of time. Operating like a drone and subjecting themselves to these paradigms might in fact be an okay thing to do for a while to sustain an entry-level position in a society or a mental health clinic. This may require a very intense period where anti-stigma cognitions need to be amplified and positive affirmations about the message receiver’s real skills and gifts may need to be mantras. While having support can clearly be very helpful, ongoing acts of stigma and subjugation are likely to persist. There needs to be a sense that a message receiver is competent with mainstream scientific paradigms before they are safe using their messages to their advantage. And a message receiver needs to have an ability to know what messages they have fit into the mainstream paradigm. I would go so far as to argue that message receivers may be able to break some of the current paradigm maintained by the well-funded medical establishment that is responsible on a wide scale for the subjugation of message experiences. Indeed, I hope to help some of us do this!

This is why I feel many solid and withstanding indigenous societies used message receiving shaman with spiritual abilities to improve society. Many humans crave rational order and shaping society so that it follows spiritual, message principles is a good way to promote rationality and justice for all. For modern society, in which subjugation is maintained through superpowers, finding ways to include shaman and message receivers may be an important way promote sustainability on this earth. Indeed, it is arguable that the religious texts and narratives of the world’s major religions are aimed at helping large super-powered states out in this manner through the epochs. I believe it can work when they are not turned against each other in violent crusades based on extremist rhetoric, corrupt propaganda, and the promulgation of superpower secrets that preempt violent conflicts.

Special Messages: Excerpt from Chapter Seventeen

Philosophy of Reality that Promotes Anti-Stigma Cognition:

In order to sell the good parts of cognitive therapy as a tool for social rehabilitation, I have had to create an underlying philosophy about what reality is. This is a model that can come up at various points in individual and group therapy as a means of motivating a message receiver toward using the material world to fact check their spiritual insights.

In this model, I consider reality to be a dialectic between the spiritual message world and the material modern world. The spiritual message world involves all the message experiences that I took pains to identify in chapter four and throughout the text. In short, this includes things like ESP (i.e. reading minds,) hallucinations (i.e. hearing voices) and intuited reality discerned through things like coded linguistic coincidence and loosely associated coded symbols that inhabit a real or imagined world. The spiritual message world is very much in the subjective perspective of an individual consciousness.

In contrast the material modern world (or profane reality) consists of the reality that is shared in the mainstream social world that is based on scientifically arrived at concepts that exist in the collective consciousness of an established culture and rooted in observation of the social world that is inhabited. Ultimately, message receivers are living entirely in the message world and need to increase their focus and motivation to strike a balance between these two entities.

Ultimately, as the intellectual community has learned over time, scientific paradigms get created and occupy the social mainstream for decades and centuries until a scientific figure discovers something that changes that paradigm. And so Europe stops thinking the world is flat in 1492, and in the 1800s Darwin challenges literal interpretation of the creation notion in the Bible, and sometime in the future enough power and money will effectively topple the Western psychiatric establishment and the DSM will be replaced with science that better depicts the interplay between trauma and neuro-divergence.

The dialectic of these two worlds is not all that different from Marsha Lineman’s dialectic between the rational and emotional mind. I consider the constructs to be similar but defined for a slightly different ethos of people. Much as it is with Marsha Linehan’s dialectical behavioral therapy, I postulate that a person’s sharpest perspective of reality comes when there is overlap between the spiritual message world and the profane material world. I believe that this is a simple lesson that can inspire the message receiver to avoid the all or nothing trap when it comes to receiving special messages. Message receivers need to pay attention to the information they receive from special messages but they need to be mindful of it and learn to fact check it against the profane material world. They need to pretend and go along with the profane concepts and fact check. In some cases, they may need to decrease stigma that is due to false mainstream concepts (particularly when it comes to themselves) and plan to reshape the paradigm so they can be permitted to play significant roles that fit them in society. In my experience, these concepts can be very easily taught to message receivers in a manner that resonates and helps them feel both understood and motivated to use the tool of anti-stigma cognitions.

I want to spend some time looking at the ramifications of this model. Essentially, what this philosophy suggests is that there is a part of the message world that is real, and a part of the material world that is not. This may be challenging for some to accept so I want to further explore each world so that my generalizations about types of reality can be further discerned.

   

Truth in the Spiritual Message World:

Yes, I have lived with messages long enough to believe that a part of the message world can offer a valuable view of the way the world is put together. Being in message crisis I learned truths about the way technology mixes with social control and sustains propaganda. Thanks to people like Edward Snowden and criminalized individuals associated with Wiki leaks who have devoted their lives to letting the public know more about what is really happening, I have had it confirmed that many of the divergent views I had during my message crisis were real.

As a result, I am no longer a protester and a whistle blower and I thoroughly understand the criminal networks of the American black market along with the need for it. I see now that I have learned a lot about social oppression, wars and genocide by making meaning of the world I have experienced in ways that are very valuable. I have learned that intuitive material can give me premonitions on some occasions, but that if I overly rely on it I will get burned and become emotionally distraught in ways I do not have to be. In other words, I get confused about intuitive reality and anxious projections.

In observing private stories of other individuals who navigate message crisis over the last ten years, I have learned that similar themes about social control, power, corruption, and spiritual reality come up for many message receivers. People with different values, political ideologies, access to resources, or and allegiances develop different takes and play different roles in the narratives of their divergent views. Perhaps, instead of the mafia, the enemies are aliens or demons, but the world operates in a similar manner and takes into consideration wide historical perspectives. Not everyone receives truth that might be best explained by spiritual connection. Likewise, not everyone faces evil that is tormenting and abusive. However, by connecting to the right facts in the material world a message receiver can better understand and endure what they are going through. Maybe they might be living their lives like they are in another time period or a war zone, but unleashing their stories and applying them to the profane material world can be a helpful activity. Indeed a savvy helper in a trusting relationship can do this in a way that promotes alternate meanings and functional flexible theories about message causation.

A story I often use that demonstrates this is my old fixation with California license plates. In my message crisis, I believed them be used to incorrectly define people as corrupt enemies of the state or as powerful agents within the state. To explain: I believed that associations I made to the numbers and letters helped me understand where the state was coming from with regard to people. Many of the number association were reinforced by the numbers of the specialty sandwiches I worked with in the Italian Deli.

Ten years later, I came across a newspaper article that disclosed that some license plates actually do code messages in them based on government code . . .  in Cuba. So I learned that experience did have reality in it. I was just a few countries off! Additionally, I did learn in a message group once that the chef who made up the sandwich specialties really was a local Italian kingpin. Of course, I don’t know for sure if that’s true, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore.

 

Lies in the Profane Material World :

Yes, part of the material collective ethos of a society is based on lies and human exploitation. Extremely, complicated science is based on ever-shifting paradigms that are found to be inaccurate and that can produce facts that can lead to magnificent oppression. Indeed, facts can be attained based on faulty science that have inherit concepts of superiority attached. For example, from intelligence testing, to the Thematic Apperception Test, to the Rorschach, one can study the way science works and the ways they are culturally incompetent and used to justify institutionalization and political marginalization of people who are different.

There are many ways science in American society has functioned to justify differing types of atrocity and justify a prison system that is filled with people of color. And so people who are ranked and educated so as to spend their life in institutions, like Sylvester Stallone, in expensive special education schools, must create ingenious manners to stay out of prison and stay free. And so Rocky was created, great story, and eventually used to promote hatred against the cold war Soviet Union. Indeed there are many ways that inherently false beliefs that are promoted and held to maintain social order. Rhetoric and propaganda hide reality and irrationally connect people in ways that encourage strife, conflict, and politics. Sure notions of good and bad power exist, but some people are clearly silenced bagged and tagged sold up the river in ways that many people believe is justified. The words of some are amplified, and of others are irrationally silenced. Institutional bullying leads to swaths of stigma and irrational reality.

In case my vision of the world does not fit yours, perhaps the reader who differs has had different experiences that have hurt them differently. Perhaps each of us are meant to connect with each other and work together with our irrational generalizations to create a better science. Perhaps we have different strengths and created distinct associations. Perhaps we have different experiences with book learning and associated experience. And maybe we are each here for different purposes. If we are all on a mission from god and following that mission in different manners there is bound to be differences.

Not all science and knowledge about nature and the material world is false. Much of the information that we know in the modern world is trustworthy in some contexts. Some may be sanctioned by god and some may be driven by human corruption to increase inhuman, irrational oppression. In other words, the information age that ignores the experience of the message receivers who fill our churches and mental health wards might need some spiritual guidance.

 

Using the Philosophy of Reality in Modern Social Rehabilitation Efforts:

Think of it this way: classically, message receivers become overly focused on the spiritual, message world so much that they break away from the profane material world entirely. In order to motivate message receivers to increase their focus on the profane material world, I argue that when the spiritual message world functions in unison with the profane material world that is when a body is most in reality. I find that many message receivers are particularly motivated by truth. Thus, I argue that when the message receiver can use rationality and apply themselves and it to the profane material world they can bring the two worlds into balance and have a more rational, real experience. Ultimately, they could experience a reality that might make them less hurt, angry, fearful, or mad.

Thus, cognitive therapy, or anti-stigma cognitions may need to be leaned on to promote some degree of social rehabilitation. It is clearly arguable that knowing the scientific paradigms that are out there in the mainstream is an important thing to understand and know.  Message receivers may even need to subjugate themselves to them for extended periods of time. Operating like a drone and subjecting themselves to these paradigms might in fact be an okay thing to do for a while to sustain an entry-level position in a society or a mental health clinic. This may require a very intense period where anti-stigma cognitions need to be amplified and positive affirmations about the message receiver’s real skills and gifts may need to be mantras. While having support can clearly be very helpful, ongoing acts of stigma and subjugation are likely to persist. There needs to be a sense that a message receiver is competent with mainstream scientific paradigms before they are safe using their messages to their advantage. And a message receiver needs to have an ability to know what messages they have fit into the mainstream paradigm. I would go so far as to argue that message receivers may be able to break some of the current paradigm maintained by the well-funded medical establishment that is responsible on a wide scale for the subjugation of message experiences. Indeed, I hope to help some of us do this!

This is why I feel many solid and withstanding indigenous societies used message receiving shaman with spiritual abilities to improve society. Many humans crave rational order and shaping society so that it follows spiritual, message principles is a good way to promote rationality and justice for all. For modern society, in which subjugation is maintained through superpowers, finding ways to include shaman and message receivers may be an important way promote sustainability on this earth. Indeed, it is arguable that the religious texts and narratives of the world’s major religions are aimed at helping large super-powered states out in this manner through the epochs. I believe it can work when they are not turned against each other in violent crusades based on extremist rhetoric, corrupt propaganda, and the promulgation of superpower secrets that preempt violent conflicts.

University Town

Having spent last night

In this University town

Tooling around

With well-adjusted kids

Who have nothing

Except time

To charm each other,

I wake late

And am struck

Like a sword in the gut

With thinking about

The stress of the clock

And that ongoing need

For politeness

As I wait

For my host’s

Breakfast to be finished.

My omelet,

Had been prepared to my liking,

And I filled my pack

With free food

For the whole of this

Empty day

As if my life depended on it.

I put my tray of dirty dishes

On a conveyor belt,

And watch

As it disappears

Into a fairyland.

 

After I depart,

I head into town.

The sun

Spanks off the sidewalk

Highlighting the gardens

With spring tulips

That are more pristine

Than I ever seen

Because a man

Tends them well

For all to see.

I hit the strip:

A gas station

An Italian Restaurant.

The other side of Main Street

Sidewalk disappears

And grass spills like waves

Toward the dirt and gravel

That munch and crackle

Beneath my feet.

There are

Large open lawns

With woodpiles

And dandelions

And sparse houses.

When the road ends I walk

Straight into unclaimed land

That you might find in park.

I walk through

People’s yards

I can’t care anymore.

I imagine

Mustering up powers

Of negotiation,

To the barrel of a shotgun

That might suddenly

Attend to me.

 

I keep on going

Until I hit the river.

I admire the flow of the

Creamed coffee water

That spurts

Over the collection of stones.

Downstream through thickets,

I try to imagine

That I am deep in a wilderness.

That the flow of the river is familiar

In spite of the soot

Off the interstate

Which is visible above.

Steering myself to stay in the strip

Of woodland that shields

The river from civilization.

I feel the need to balance myself

As one could easily

Fall out of this narrow oasis

Because it is scant.

And the river has graphically

Vomited any trace

Of wood that it has consumed.

So that the banks look

Like a Civil War battlefield

 

Suddenly a weasel

Scuzz-bugs away from me.

And I am reminded

Of the rats in the city park

Big as rabbits, bounding

Across the sewer.

I feel dirty.

I descend the bank.

I fall to my knees

I think about the University

With its polished floors.

I want to be anointed and purified.

I want to purge

The hatred within.

I raise my eyes,

To an encampment of holes

Up on the bank

And a pair of eyes gleam

I make a dash,

To leave behind the filth.

 

Further along,

As time presses forward,

There is a back yard

That spills its way down

To the waterline.

Here, pesticide toxins

Battle earth scum,

Beat it back,

Far away

From the artificial perfection

Of chemical green,

Human fashion;

And the driveway is swept black.

And there is a soccer net,

And rope swing

That look strong and secure.

They remind me

Of a young couple’s trust fund

And the tradition

Of education

That I was born into.

 

Presently,

An embankment

Has emerged on my right.

I ascend it wildly

And find it to be strewn with garbage.

At the top sits an old church

That has been converted

To a vacant convenience store.

On the front door

An old sign reads

“Students Welcome.”

I realize that I am on the road

That exits this University Town.

I start hiking on the road,

Trying to follow the river

As far as I possibly can.

The road forks then ascends

Into a ramp that crosses the river.

I look down at the river

Which descends further toward

The Ocean,

Picking more and more human waste.

 

In my days at a ghetto University

There was

The library

And the men,

Who cleaned it through the years,

Whose cheesesteaks

I would pack

With meat

To show my gratitude.

There had been

The Glock under the grill

And the shotgun over

The Trashcan

To help me

So that I could pay my rent.

I could follow the river

Deeper into the heartland

Of America—

It continues on its way

Through small towns,

Through back yards

And the locals

Who live in them.

Perhaps I would

Pass my future.

If I could follow it

Further and further;

But I turn around instead

And head back

To the University.

I can’t wait to hop in my car.

When I do,

It’ll only be a few minutes

Until I am far away

From this nowhere place.

Writing for Mental Health: Six Basic Considerations

I like to think that I could recommend writing to some other people who have been subjected to a diagnostic labeling process that diminishes their hopes and potential. Indeed as emotional tension pulses through my back and appendages, I have found few other outlets that are there for me like the mixing and mastering letters.

Sure, I have been sent to a shrink for being who I am. Sure, I have been buried in institutions at different points of my life. Indeed life on that trajectory has filled me with loss and lack. But when I’ve found myself incarcerated immobile, I’ve been blessed to find value in defining it. Initially as a teen, I found  appreciating expressive words through music got me started. The more I switched from song to verse to story, I found the problem-solving that takes place in the editing process satisfying. Indeed for me there are few other outlets that rival writing in terms of learning about life and wellness.

Sure, I say these things when I am out of the hoopla. It’s true at age forty-five I am finding those years of long hour survival days to be decreasing.  Sure, I found that secure job as a mental health therapist. Sure, I have at times been forced to depend on other outlets at times. But perhaps there are some others like me who will find that they still need to get back to the page to address some of those things running through their mind. Maybe some others might feel they can do something about all the shit they see stirring throughout this bogged-down world that can further healing.

Generally, I am committed to a structure of writing at least ten hours per week on the weekend. Maybe I am finding myself advocating for writing for mental health because I have always done it. Maybe I advocate because I believe writing has gone a long way to helping me understand things I suffer from: like schizophrenia, autism and trauma. Maybe I advocate because writing has done more for me than decades of discouraging therapy.

It’s true, I am isolated. It’s true, sitting for hours on end isn’t good for my back. It’s true that as a writer who has only worked on building a following only for two years, I need to remind myself that what I am doing is good for me. It’s true there are many days when I feel like nobody is going to bother to read what I have spent hours puzzling over.

But many of us might need to express their creative muse on a page rather than mingling with people who are only going to carve them up. Perhaps others will find that writing mitigates the damage of life’s bumps. Indeed, maybe writing can give them that sense of justice that allows them to be there for other people in a way that is wise and heart felt.

These days as I worry about the potential repeal of Obamacare. I think about the years I have put into fighting the system from within and how they might get taken from me with the wave of a powerful pen. To me it feels like just when the funding is settling in so that we can evolve into a system that can fluidly address the mental health needs of the community, we could lose big time.

That’s why I am considering starting a writing project on the unit where I work to celebrate what could so easily be lost. I say this, thinking that a writing habit can really augment wellness for others as it has for me.

On a regular basis, I listen to the most amazing stories of repression that are hidden from the mainstream. I think we have got to do something to get them out there, even if they are not going to make it in the mainstream media because they are real.

 

So the following are six basic considerations that I might put forth to encourage others to use writing as an artful outlet for wellness. Of course I know that the suggestions that follow will not suit every writer, but it is my hope that they may help motivate some. At least these are things I tell myself to keep myself going.

One, write originally to get real things out of your system and feel better. I find this prevents me from getting writer’s block and helps me feel grounded about the world’s rocky and shit-stained terrain. Just get it down on the page even if it is imperfect. Writing for me isn’t always about the natural rhythm of true inspiration. Yes, there are times I get tired and need to get away from what I am doing.  But I also often presume that when I am struggling that it is for a valid reason and that I can learn about it through muddling through. If a writer has that warm belief that they have something worth getting at, make the time for it. Have faith.

Two, be authentic, honest, and play with words. Don’t be embarrassed over the silliness of your initial quandary. Be humble enough to show yourself as an ass. Remember, writing is a learning process and the reader will appreciate the growth you show during the process of your work. And it doesn’t hurt to take enough time to bumble around with description. If you are a geek, like me, and have fun bumbling around, don’t be shy. Let the shit rip. You can always go back and make it concise and to the point later. Let this satisfy your need for socialization temporarily.

Three, use multiple drafts, learn to solve problems. Personally, I have learned to embrace the fact that I don’t like reading because if god wanted me to be that way he would have given me better attention so that I could appreciate it better. Instead, I learn by going back over my own thoughts, exploring my soul, and trying to shave down my blither to some form of truth that I can take forward. There is plenty of learning that comes from reviewing material and even if no one reads it, it just may help center you and direct your life in a healthy manner

Four, maintain empathy for people who have hurt you, using your writing to help them as well. Half the time I am motivated to write because I am a schizophrenic and can’t believe how hurt I have been. But I know myself well enough to know that  good writing isn’t a simple process of revenge or complaining. My own need to unveil my pain puts me at risk of slandering others and doing this only makes me look like a hypocrite. People ultimately don’t want to read one-sided snark. Indeed this may not promote health and wellness. I’d argue that if a reader can see this in my work, it means I haven’t given the piece enough time and gone back and through it enough to heal. In my opinion, writing for mental health helps promote peace and having empathy for people who have hurt you and the humility of acknowledging this is part of the purpose of writing.

Five, use your own experience to address wider social ills. While what I’ve said above is important, I do believe that if I am careful with my expression that I can address social ills in my writing. Recently I have learned about the curse of Allah which is about vexing someone who you believe might be guilty of hurting you. What I have learned is that if you are wrong and the person isn’t hurting you in the way you imagine they are, they will not be affected by the curse and spiritually speaking out in a broad way about the issue will not come back on you in a vengeful way. I recognize that maintaining this spiritual principle is a way I can take care of my hurts in my writing. At least I know that multitudes of others have dealt with this for millenniums before me.

Six, write to celebrate survival. Both writing and surviving the shit clouds that can follow you around in life can put in your path is about being grateful for existence and the journey. I believe that if you keep this in mind that enough people will appreciate what you put forth. It’s possible that others will even relate to what you’re going through. Now that’s something to appreciate!

Writing for Mental Health: Five Basic Considerations

I like to think that I could recommend writing to some other people who have been subjected to a diagnostic labeling process that diminishes their hopes and potential. Indeed as emotional tension pulses through my back and appendages, I have found few other outlets that are there for me like the mixing and mastering letters.

Sure, I have been sent to a shrink for being who I am. Sure, I have been buried in institutions at different points of my life. Indeed life on that trajectory has filled me with loss and lack. But when all means of self-sustenance get stripped and I’ve found myself utterly incarcerated in emotional pain, I’ve been forced to find value in defining this. Initially, perhaps I found that appreciating expressive words through music really taught me a lot. Through that, as a teen, I started discovering the satisfaction that comes with the problem-solving that takes place in the editing process. Indeed for me there are few other recourses that rival writing in terms of learning about life and wellness.

Generally, I am committed to a structure of writing at least ten hours per week on the weekend and I think it is a good practice for me. Sure I am isolated. Sure sitting for that long isn’t good for my back. Sure, this means I have duties on top of the regular work stress. But in a world full of hostile external forces, perhaps other people besides me may find that they would rather share their creative muse on a page rather than with piranha people who are only going to assault and tear them apart. Perhaps they will find that writing mitigates the damage of life’s bumps. Indeed maybe writing can give them that sense of justice that allows them to be there for other people in a way that is wise and heart felt.

Sure, I say these things when I am out of the knee-deep hoopla. Sure, I found that job and maintained it hating half of what I’ve seen over the large majority of the past fifteen years. Sure, I now have other outlets. But perhaps there are some others like me who will find that they still need to get back to the page to address some of those things running through their mind. Maybe some others might feel they can do something about all the shit they see stirring throughout this bogged-down world that can further healing.

It’s true I am turning forty-six in the fall this year and am finding all those years of long hour survival days to be replaying themselves in my consciousness a lot. Sure. I find myself at the end of a stressful day of work saying that I am tired a lot more than I used to. And I worry about the future of social services and the potential repeal of Obamacare. I think often about how all the work I have put into fighting the system from within, building something real that people can trust might get defunded with the wave of a powerful pen. To me it feels like just when the funding is settling in so that we can evolve into a system that can fluidly address the needs of the community, we could lose big time.

That’s why I am considering starting a writing project on the unit where I work to celebrate what could so easily be lost. I say this, thinking that a writing habit can really augment wellness for others as it has for me.

On a regular basis, I listen to the most amazing stories of repression that are hidden from the mainstream. I think we have got to do something to get them out there, even if they are not going to make it in the mainstream media because they are real.

That is why I am scanning my writing experiences, particularly over the last seven years, when I have been honest about being a schizophrenic, for lessons learned. The following are five basic considerations that I might put forth to encourage others to use writing as an artful outlet for wellness.

I identify these five considerations not only for other people but to myself. As a writer who has only worked on building a following only for two years, I need to remind myself that what I am doing is good for me. Indeed, there are many days when I feel like nobody is going to bother to read what I have spent hours puzzling over. Of course I know that the suggestions that follow will not suit every writer, but it is my hope that they may help motivate some. At least these are things I tell myself to keep myself going.

One, write originally to get real things out of your system and feel better. This prevents one from getting writer’s block and helps me feel grounded about the world’s rocky and shit-stained terrain. Just get it down on the page even if it is imperfect. Writing for me isn’t always about the natural rhythm of true inspiration. Yes, there are times I get tired and need to get away from what I am doing.  But I also often presume that when I am struggling that it is for a valid reason and that I can learn about it through muddling through. If a writer has that warm belief that they have something worth getting at, make the time for it. Have faith.

Two, be authentic, honest, and play with words. Don’t be embarrassed over the silliness of your initial quandary. Be humble enough to show yourself as an ass. Remember, writing is a learning process and the reader will appreciate the growth you show during the process of your work. And it doesn’t hurt to take enough time to bumble around with description. If you are a geek, like me, and have fun bumbling around, don’t be shy. Let the shit rip. You can always go back and make it concise and to the point later. Let this satisfy your need for socialization temporarily. Then, get away from what you’ve done and come back, going over it repeatedly.

Three, in using multiple drafts, learn to solve problems. Personally, I have learned to embrace the fact that I don’t like reading because if god wanted me to be that way he would have given me better attention so that I could appreciate it better. Instead, I learn by going back over my own thoughts, exploring my soul, and trying to shave down my blither to some form of truth that I can take forward. There is plenty of learning that comes from reviewing material and even if no one reads it, it just may help center you and direct your life in a healthy manner

Four, maintain empathy for people who have hurt you, using your writing to help them as well. Half the time I am motivated to write because I am a schizophrenic and can’t believe how hurt I have been. Though it might seem like I write just because I want to unveil my transparent truth, I know myself well enough to know that this isn’t a simple process. A lot of the times I have been hurt it is because someone has slandered me through gossip and I can feel those lies coming through in personal interactions that become my negative thoughts. My need to unveil this puts me at risk of slandering others and doing this only makes me look like a hypocrite. People ultimately don’t want to read snarky self –absorbed hate that isn’t even real. I have made this error on some occasions and when I look back on it may not promote health and wellness. I’d argue that if a reader can see this in my work, it means I haven’t given the piece enough time and gone back and through it enough to heal. In my opinion, writing for mental health helps promote peace and having empathy for people who have hurt you and the humility of acknowledging this is part of the purpose of writing. Recently, I have learned about the curse of Allah. I realize that if I am careful with my expression that I can address social ills in my writing. The curse of Allah is about vexing someone who you believe might be guilty of hurting you. If you are wrong and the person isn’t hurting you in the way you imagine they are, they will not be affected by the curse and it will not come back on you in a vengeful way. I recognize this as giving me some spiritual guidance in my writing process. At least I know that others have dealt with this for millenniums before me.

Five, write to celebrate survival. Both writing and surviving the shit clouds that can follow you around in life can put in your path is about being grateful for existence and the journey. I believe that if you keep this in mind that enough people will appreciate what you put forth. It’s possible that others will even relate to what you’re going through. Now that’s something to appreciate!

A Vacation Day for a Schizophrenic:

Fifteen years ago, I remember hearing a psychiatrist who had just been away for two weeks say, “There is no such thing as a vacation when you are schizophrenic!” As an unlicensed professional vying to get a staff position on the unit, I had carefully avoided rolling my eyes. I had politely nodded my head as though it had been a thoughtful thing to say.

***

This year’s weekend of April 1st, my wife supports me in insisting that we take a vacation day. She packs up her hybrid SUV with camping materials and when I finish my Friday commute, we hit the interstate headed north. We plan to camp and hike at the Kings Range on the Lost Coast in Humboldt County, but we know even before we sift through the remains of the Bay Area traffic, there’s no way we are going to make it the whole way.

We make it to the city of Ukiah and drive until we find a Safeway. I am about ready to drop as we load our shit into the front of the car and depart to hit the restroom. We pass the panhandlers and the no camping sign and I start to stress about the possibility that the security will force us to move on in the middle of the night.

“Don’t worry about it my boobie,” says my wife.

I look into the eyes of a particular panhandler and hate our privilege. There sure are a significant amount of late night shoppers who are finishing their long weeks. I ponder the meaning of it all over the urinal. After we regroup, we steal into the back of the SUV.

***

We hit our exit in Garberville the next morning before seven am. Throughout the drive, I have processed aspects of my week and history. My wife has been sharing too. I hear about an upcoming trip; house projects she still needs to accomplish; artistic visual displays she might create to soothe anxiety-driven migraines; and many assorted details pertaining to family, her nieces, and her gardening jobs. I most definitely dominate the discourse, but she is supportive and relates to my sense of strife.

As we exit the highway beneath a beaming blue sky we follow signs to Shelter Cove and end up on a country road that is surrounded by lush spring grasses. There is no shoulder and only an occasional gravel pull out. Rundown tweaker properties mix with farm gates with video surveillance. We pass a couple men putting up a thick wooden fence that appears sturdier than the ghost town we just passed a few minutes ago and we ascend the switchbacks of the first of a series of significantly wooded ridges.

By the time we’re driving on the dirt road, we pass a campground and hit an intersection. Then, we leave the flat behind and ascend eroding, mud-gauged switch backs that make my wife progressively uncomfortable to the point where she wants to turn around.

“No, that isn’t a good turnaround,” I suggest, “There isn’t enough room. Keep driving.”

My wife intones her voice, “Now may have passed our only choice. We have got to turn around now!”

At the next switchback we turn around and retrace out steps to the last switchback where we manage to park out of harm’s way. I mimic my wife’s tone in exaggerated falsetto manner. She laughs but quite seriously stands by her decision to park the car.

We make a lunch and boot up and before long we are walking up the steep grade our SUV couldn’t make.

***

When my mind settles into the hike, I ponder the issues that my client’s face.

One of my clients recently shared with me that a corner boy sold her some bunk weed. It was supposed to have the buds in it so that it would be strong so she confronted the seller about the price and quality who turned around and threatened to kill her.

Many of the people I work with have spent half of their lives bouncing from the streets to jail, to the hospital and back. They are used to scraps and neglected facilities. You might think they are used to being threatened. But still a threat is a threat.

At some unlicensed board and care homes they may settle into, it is not uncommon to be bullied. Big clients might be solicited to work as a thug. I have heard that some board and care workers lay claims to their violent pasts to maintain order. Over the years I have heard the most ridiculous sorts of abuses you can imagine.

I have learned my lessons painfully that advising this person to call the police is not an option on this occasion. I now use discernment before contacting the police or APS to investigate abuse. Believing in and respecting the realities of street-life is key to supporting anyone through. I struggle but remind myself being a concerned ear, and reminding her to avoid the d-boy is the best I can do.

At least I respect her belief that she is a religious figure and learn more about how it is true.

Like the psychiatrist, I have come to realize that smoking weed and tobacco may be the only vacation many schizophrenic peoples get. I know many who are afraid to go outside the smoking areas of their homes. I would love to have all my clients accompany us out here, but their work with me does not entitle them to an SUV and a day off. It sure took me a long time to get here, I think.

***

When we get back to the car four hours later, we decide to leave the Lost Coast instead of take a treacherous road down to a favorite hiking zone.

Back on the interstate, we take an exit and find that the road we need to reach the coast has been washed out. Instead, we find a vacant campground where we can use our credit card, set up our tent, cook some dinner, and retire for the day. We settle into a stupid slapstick movie. Somehow Bill Murray’s flat a deadpan face is funny and entertaining as he intermingles in a caper with government spies and corruption. I can never understand how he pulls it off.

***

Traipsing off to sleep I retrace our steps of the day. My mind falls back into hiking down that mountain road when I had remembered studying the whaling industry in fifth grade. I had remembered a private-school-trip to Mystic Seaport during which we had walked through the hull of a restored whaling ship. I had contrasted the packed in crew’s quarters as opposed to the luxury of the captain’s quarters.

I have never done well with the contrast. My whole life I have had this inexplicable hostility for the captain seething through my veins to the rhythm of the old Ranzo-Me-Boys work-ballad. It did not bode well for my relations with my landholding family. I’d thought about how family member after family member tried to quell my stance on the matter and how alienated I have become.

My wife and I met too late in life to have kids. I’d strained financially to stay independent and understand dating regulations. Perhaps I should have just let myself get kissed-rich, but I didn’t understand. When I was in high school my room was converted to a study before I even graduated because I had opted to move out early.

While I work quite well with the crew back on the ward, my work has earned me a 1000 square foot, well-tended captain’s quarters at the end of a commute, not to mention the SUV and vacation day. I am reminded of my own contradictions.

***

The next morning, we travel about five minutes down the interstate and pass a sign that says, “Mendocino Wilderness Area, 42 miles.”

We follow a maze of rivers, some flowing in different directions. It’s another bright blue day and groves of trees and carved hills intersperse themselves just off the road. Low growth fenced-in green pastures dominate. I find myself needing to pull over frequently as raging large trucks seem to travel this route very fast.

Then, I get that familiar sense that I am being tailed. I look in my rear view mirror and sure enough there is a state trooper behind us in a beefy vehicle. I look for a turnout. It takes a while. I can almost sense he is running my plates.

It’s been about seventeen years since I’ve recognized these feelings. For two and a half years they dominated my life.

When a turnout finally arrives, I let the trooper pass and he does so reluctantly at first and then with quite a bit of speed.

I always wonder what is on my dossier that cops pull up.

***

“One time we had a patient come here saying that the FBI was following him,” my psychiatrist at Montana State Hospital had said. “And he was right, they were. He hadn’t done anything bad, but he was a person of interest.”

I had waited two months to finally get a meeting with this old hag who had the power to commit me for an additional nine months. I didn’t trust her enough to ask her if she was referencing me. But I sure though she was. I had a lot of reason to think this. And in the following two years in which I struggled to find work, I endured cop searches and opened mail and many signs that I was being looked at. I was a renegade, blacklisted revolutionary—a vigilante press-alerting pigeon. It’s just that no one believed me. All that attention for little old me, and now, I am afraid to go to even so much as a mainstream protest.

***

We arrive at the town or Quinto, which is a Native American reservation. We pass the tribal police headquarters and find a small outpost store where I pull in.

Sure enough, there are souvenir shirts that say, “Homeland Security since 1492” with a picture of traditionally dressed native peoples. But mostly the store is there for the locals. There are a plethora of cheap toys for the kids, a help-your-self pile of DVDs to rent or buy and about five isles of your basic food necessities. The store is empty accept for us. The owner, a gaunt, wrinkled Caucasian-looking woman, gets off the phone we ask her about hiking trails.

The woman talks to us a while. She explains that the road to Interstate 505 doesn’t open up in this season because of snow in the mountain pass, so we will have to retrace our steps to 101.

“Yes, you have to worry about straying onto private property around here,” she replies. “People end up dead around these parts for the dumbest reasons.”

A few Native American woman enter the store timidly to buy smokes and the woman takes a minute to ring them up.

An angry blonde white woman streams in saying some kind words to the owner. She buys some hotdogs and I follow her outside while my wife waits to complete a modest, respectful purchase we want to make to thank the owner.

I start by trying to make friends with the old skin and bones dog that is working on a hotdog.

“Don’t interrupt him while he’s eating she says.”

“Oh, yeah, you’re right,” I say. “She reminds me a little of my dog who passed away this year.”

“There is nothing sweeter that this old dog the white woman explains, but you can see how timid he is. His owners are tweakers and his life is full of random senseless violence. They don’t even feed him. I just do what I can to help out.”

“I know what you mean,” I say wondering if I sound as genuine as I feel.

My wife and the store owner join us and the blonde woman continues, “In fact, no one would care if you just took that old guy away from here. I was just telling him,” she adds to the store owner, “that we would all be happy because his owners do not take care of him.”

The store owners offers her endorsement of the scheme. We talk for a while.

“Think about what I said,” says the angry white woman about her life and dog.

***

Down the road a patch we stop at the Ranger Station we had been told about. There is a woman ranger in hiking boots who is gardening when we pull in. She looks wildly offended by our presence until my wife emerges from our black SUV and warms her up.

She insists on inviting us in to show us a map of her favorite hiking spot. I stop and pet well-fed friendly dog.

“I’m from Idaho,” she volunteers.

“I’m from New Jersey,” I counter.

“Yes, this time of year you see the cartels come through here,” she explains, but you’ll be safe if you stay on the trail.

“In this county, you can see nature everywhere you look,” she adds, “but you just can’t get out into it.”

I think of the conference I presented at in San Diego earlier in the year. I met a tribe from Oregon in a workshop who told their very disturbing efforts to get clean, recover from prison terms/recidivism, and address the generational trauma of their heritage. I had never heard such powerful and vulnerable stories. Many of them broke down and cried describing their transition away from thug-life. I could not have respected their efforts more. And I work with this recovery stuff on a daily basis.

The Idaho woman gives us the most detailed directions you could imagine. I think, wow, any idiot could follow these directions. She is really heady. She even supports my wife who fears the treacherous off-road we’ll have to take.

We all talk about how relieved we are that the state is decriminalizing cannabis and how it will translate into better economic opportunities and less violence for the tribe.

“I am a mental health counselor who works on the streets of Oakland,” I explain.

“Oh, so your accustomed to all this,” she says. “Yeah, my sister is bipolar. She self-medicates. And you don’t want to be around her unless she is high on cannabis.”

***

It takes us a long time to find the trail head. We take a wrong turn mistakenly follow the map twenty miles into the reservation before I realize what a fool I am. We don’t make the trail head until two o’clock. We scarf some food and get to it as fast as we can to alieve my angst. Really it’s not much different than your typical Sunday when I spend my time writing to process and heal my week and then have to charge to get into the woods before I explode.

We follow a single track trail through a thoroughly burned woodlands for an hour and fifteen minutes until the trail becomes so untended that my back starts to get activated climbing over fallen trees. It’s a miraculous, beautiful experience especially if you like to be reminded of the pending apocalypse.

***

On the way back, I spot a supped up black Jeep standing on a side road just as we are reentering the reservation. I can see a CB radio antennae and note that the vehicle waits for us to drive first. Like I had with the cop car earlier, I get the sense my plates are being ran and in a few minutes the Jeep thunders past our speed limit pace. I tell my wife, “It’s good we aren’t part of a gang. That interaction was a little thug-like.”

***

We return to the interstate and after we pick up gas, we find a popular hamburger stand in the town of Willits that even has a special for veggie burgers. As we sit in small town Americana, I get a call from my Mom.

“I was just reading your book,” my Mom said. “I am at the part where you are in Fresno and you just talked to the detective. I was scared, and I just wanted to give you a call.”

When I published for the first time two years ago, I was desperate for feedback. Usually, I can’t find anybody to read what I write. I have always been too cowardly to publish my work. Now, in spite of marketing efforts, I am still thirsting in the desert when it comes to getting feedback.

“I tried to recapture the perspective I had at the time,” I stammer once again.

“No, I don’t find your work offensive,” my Mom says. “I think you really did a good job putting the reader right there in the moment.”

“Thanks,” I say, “That means so much to me to hear you say that!”

I talk on about how I can manage everything I went through when I am on medication. “In fact I just experienced similar experiences traveling to a Native American reservation. I do every day at work,” I say.

I feel like a bumbling fool on the phone with my Mom. I am talking to her like I have never talked about this with her before. But she is being very strong for me here and it is clearly a moment of healing between us.

After the burger we head west on a road heading for Fort Bragg and the coast. There is a huge elevation gain and many switchbacks filling forest with asphalt. As we descend we enter a coastal pine grove woodland and there are clearly hiking trails surrounding us.

***

Before we stop for the night, I find myself thinking about what the psychiatrist said on my unit some fifteen years ago: about schizophrenics and vacations. I think about how I have fought for years to build up economic empowerment so I could have a wife, an SUV, and a day off. Often it was years on end without a day off to make ends meet. Often it was twelve to sixteen hour days in order to attain credential and licensure. I think how this started out a choice when I was seventeen and became a necessity.

It is extremely devastating to catch a schizophrenic case, lose everything that you own and then to have to escape the street life that suddenly envelops you. I took me two-and-a-half years of hell to get it together enough to get blessed with a good job.

In this day and age the earth is getting scorched beneath us! I am here, preparing to take a mental health day as a schizophrenic. Tomorrow my crew will be at work on the institutional corridor with some of the old bubbled windows still intact. I will wake up in a rundown trailer park. I will find that the public bathroom to be wrecked like the ones I’ve seen in public section 8 housing authorities and Oakland’s single-room occupancy hotels. We will drive into a posh vacation town for an overpriced cup of coffee. Then we will drive from park to park looking for hiking trails. Through miles and miles of farms and wilderness on thinnest of roads, we will find, just like the ranger on the reservation said: that there will be nature everywhere we look, but that we just won’t be able to get out into it. We even drive across a hot springs resort, enter its fence in search of a map, and find a group of shirtless white men on an LSD trip midst couples, gravel, stench and steam. We will end up finding only a small system of hiking trails only in the city of Ukiah that was built by Arnold Schwarzenegger. We will explore the trails and side trails to the point where we find local homeless encampments with the piles of water-logged cardboard beer logos spewed everywhere.

I will forever be struck with seething survivor’s guilt that the good people I work for are not free to enjoy these experiences with me. I will think how they seem to be forever sailing on our society’s ship of fools, deprived, intimidated, humiliated, and straining to make it from smoke to smoke. Meanwhile, society criminalizes every move they make from the inner-city ghettos to the reservations. Every day the law will bear down on them harder leaving them with less and less, lest there be another mass-shooting incident.

Maybe the psychiatrist was right after all! Maybe there is no such thing as a vacation for a schizophrenic. But I am just not sure if he and the rest of mainstream society knows what it really feels like to see the world in this way.