Clyde Dee's Blog, page 14

The War on Drugs: a Symptom of a Larger Issue

By Corinita Reyes

 

In the war on drugs, the real targets have not been drugs themselves but on those who live a life in which drugs are ever present. Drugs prove to be a persistent issue in low income neighborhoods, specifically those who have an ethnically diverse makeup. The fact that those affected most by the war on drugs are thought of as “minorities” is no coincidence, it would seem rehab is a privilege reserved only for white affluent people, the rest are sent to prison to serve time for something that is seen as a treatable issue in the medical world. It is hardly a crime to develop diabetes or depression, so why do we treat a mental illness as a crime? It is imperative that we as a country explore how the war on drugs affects low income people of color (POC), its relationship on how mental illness affects low income people of color and why the war on drugs is simply not working. We need to replace the current war with a more sustainable system that supports our citizens, rather than punishes.

The war on Drugs has proven to be unhelpful because it is a continuing cycle which targets drug addicts.  In the article “Drug Addicts As a Victim: A Link to Explore” by Laura M. Nunes and Ana Sani, they write “It is not uncommon in the illegal drug market to find that the individual selling the product, being in possession of large sums of money, is also intoxicated.” (3) This shows that the drug dealer and the drug addict are one in the same.  Those who are not drug dealers are still in possession and can end up in prison system.  Once in the prison system, they may incur trauma from violence, sexual violence or from isolation that only makes any sort of mental illness they had prior more intense.  Upon being released, they now face new barriers from acquiring legal employment to being unable to qualify for public assistance and housing thanks to background checks.  Now as they are back to illegal activities such as drug dealing in order to make money, these activities make a neighborhood less safe, “Also, by dint of their lifestyle the drug addict will tend to have much less protection, especially in the form of formal protection from the social control system, for fear that their deviant activity is discovered by the authorities.” (Nunes et al, 4) It is safer for these individuals to deal with violence themselves than reach out to authorities in fear of being arrested.  Outside of the US, some of the most dangerous people in the world are the ones who are supplying the drugs to the streets of America.  In the article “Winding Down the War on Drugs: Reevaluating Global Drug Policy” by Maria McFarland Sanchez-Moreno, they say “Governments around the world have poured billions of dollars into combating drugs…to pursue, conduct surveillance on, kill, prosecute, extradite, and imprison kingpins and low-level dealers, in source and destination countries alike.” (1) This shows how The US is not alone in these failing tactics against drugs, yet the problem persists not only on our streets, but globally.  All of this is evidence that the war on drugs in conjunction with the prison system is a cycle that perpetuates violence and drug use.

The war on drugs has caused a lot of destruction in its wake for families, communities, children and adults.  Those affected by the war on drugs are mostly low income POC and this brings us to the question of why.  In the article “And Examination of the Self-Medication Hypothesis via Treatment Completion” by Erin Crawford, Matthew T. Huss and Lacey Lagoni.  It’s brought up that “…use of illicit drugs, other than Marijuana, increase with unmet need for health care.” (2) This is important because low income POC often have trouble affording the cost of visiting a family doctor regularly, let alone a mental health care provider such as a therapist or psychiatrist.  On top of the financial barrier, many in these communities face a stigma in which mental health diagnosis and care are thought to be solely a problem for middle/upper class white people. These issues are brought up in the article “Disparities and the Social Determinants of Mental Health and Addictions: Opportunities for a Multifaceted Social Work Response” by Elizabeth A Bowen et. al, they write “…many members of stigmatized and disenfranchised minority groups tend to have worse health than their more advantaged counterparts” (1) this is important to keep in mind because it disproportionately affects POC living in poverty. This is damaging to these communities, because as stated in the article “Poverty and Mental Health: How Do Low Income Adults and Children Fare in Psychotherapy?” By Stacey Kaltman, Jeanne Miranda and Catherine DeCarlo Santiago, “The rates of poverty are higher among ethnic minority adults and families, with 27.4% of African Americans, 26.6% of Hispanic/Latinos, 27.0% of American Indian/Alaskan Natives, and 12.1% of Asians living in poverty compares with 9.9% of non-Hispanic whites…These numbers are troubling because poverty is associated with poor health and wellbeing for children and adults alike.” When looking at these numbers, it’s important to keep in mind that mental illness directly correlates to income, which in turn correlates to ethnic background.  People living in low income and especially inner-city communities are more likely to experience trauma and stress due to money struggles, work struggles, frequent moving, violence ranging from domestic to violence out in the community and discrimination.  As a result of this trauma, issues such as aggression, difficulty with school, drug use and trouble concentrating can arise; these issues can impede upward mobility.  When this type of violence in a community is normalized, there is no one to talk to and one of the main treatments for PTSD is simply working through the trauma by way of talking, writing, creating or various other therapies.  Some symptoms of PTSD can be depression and anxiety, both of which as easily treatable with various medications readily available on the market.

        The big issue with getting treatment is that is trial in error, both in regards to medication and the mental health providers who write prescriptions. Just because a doctor or psychiatrist has gone to medical school and earned a doctorate does not automatically mean they are a good doctor or the right doctor for any given individual.  When getting diagnosed and receiving treatment for mental illness, it requires a relationship built on trust and mutual respect between a patient and a provider. For PTSD, the main treatment is simply seeing a therapist weekly.  When a patient is able to see a therapist weekly, they build a relationship and a foundation of trust which helps with diagnosing what is wrong with a person and helps them to open up and explore what traumatic events may have been overlooked and dismissed because it has become normalized in a community. Unfortunately this kind of treatment requires a team of professionals from a therapist, to a psychiatrist, to a regular family doctor, all of whom ideally are seen on a regular basis.  For many living in poverty, this is just not feasible as the majority of their health care comes from clinics where it is almost impossible to build a relationship and have a routine checkup with the same physician every time.  This is exactly where these issues go overlooked and dismissed as just a part of life because these physicians have heavy loads of patients who all experience similar levels of trauma. It’s difficult for the physician to spend too much time assisting a patient with navigating the confusing system that is mental health care, let alone for them to talk to a patient often enough to diagnose them with a mental illness that would call for a referral.

These problems left untreated help to fuel the war on drugs in that these people end up getting incarcerated due to the trauma they are living with in their daily lives.  Once they are released from prison, it is difficult or impossible for these people to find jobs or even places that will rent to them.  They have the choice of going hungry and being unable to support their family, or dealing drugs.  Drug dealers are not the problem, they are simply the symptom of a problematic symbiotic relationship between the war on drugs and the prison industrial complex.  The prison industrial complex serves as a catalyst for an increasing mental health crisis in America as they have become a replacement for psychiatric hospitals. There are many realities within a prison that can create mental illness such as violence, sexual assault, and solitary confinement. Once someone starts dealing drugs, it’s inevitable that there will be police intervention eventually, and the cycles continues.  Those who are paying customers are consuming because they are missing hope and love in their life.  When living in a community where a large portion of the population is in and out of jail and another large portion of the population is dying of drug overdose and yet another large portion of the population is dying of violence running rampant due to the war on drugs, one can only wonder how anyone would not end up with a mental illness as a result of trauma.

When considering addiction, we must keep in mind these copious amounts of trauma that affect those living in poverty. Addicts are not criminals, they are victims and should be treated as such.  We need to offer them support and safe spaces where they can heal and begin their recovery.  They need to stop experiencing violence in their homes and streets which is directly tied to the war on drugs. There are feasible solutions to these difficult issues in America if we only approach it differently. By considering drug addiction yet another illness that is present in low income communities, we need to focus on improving the mental health of our citizens. This would begin by shifting the money spent on the war on drugs over to funding for mental health care centers, specifically in low income and urban communities. This would include the tax money spent on drug task forces, militarized policing, and incarceration of those in possession of drugs. In these mental health centers, it is important that the staff reflects the ethnic makeup of the communities they reside in as best as possible, so as not to alienate patients. Some of the services these centers would provide might range from individual therapy, psychiatric care, support groups, after school programs, and addiction rehabilitation. They would be less like a hospital and more like a place for the community to come support one another and be supported by mental health professionals.

This alone will not get rid of the violence that comes with drugs, that is more related to the war on drugs itself. First, with the mental health centers in effect, we will need to shift these urban battlefields back into communities. All drugs will be decriminalized and there will be facilities where people can use and exchange needles safely and takes drugs while under the supervision of health professionals. At these facilities, there will be social workers who are specifically trained in handling drug addiction. These social workers can help any patients who want to get help by referring them to rehab and other services at the mental health center. These social workers will serve as a bridge between the two and will be familiar with the staff at the mental health center and assist with scheduling and meeting doctors, as these simple tasks can be the difference between someone with mental illness getting help or being too overwhelmed to pursue help on their own. Once someone who was once addicted has completed the rehab program, there will be either government funded jobs or a stipend program to help get recovering addicts back to work and rebuilding their life. To be responsible about legalizing all drugs and creating these mental health centers, there will be a part of the funding for these centers that goes to a media campaign promoting the centers and public service announcements that explore the effects of drugs such as meth and cocaine. Drugs classified as psychedelic drugs will be legalized for medical use and study. These will be available through a psychiatrist for a therapy session in which you are accompanied by a psychiatric professional in order to explore repressed memories and have an in depth therapy session.  Micro-dosed LSD can likely be prescribed by a psychiatrist for depression. Both of these methods would be studied in depth before being available to the public, and legalization would be a way to open this door. Cannabis will be legalized for medicinal use ranging from seizure medication to depression. The taxes collected from all legalized drugs would go right back into paying for the studies and the anti-drug campaign.

By offering mental health and income solutions to the community, the need for drugs will begin to diminish and those who are still addicted will not be criminalized, resulting in a safer, healthier community for all. If the war on drugs is not working as it is, who benefits from not trying out a new system? It only causes further damage to low income communities if we continue as we have been.  As of right now, the U.S. is taking a regressive approach to drug use which has proved unfruitful time and again. If we can only help our citizens, we can improve the wellbeing of our country. If a government is not there to support its citizens, it has failed.

 

 

Works Cited

Bowen, Elizabeth A. And Quenette L. Walton. “Disparities and the Social Determinants of Mental Health and Addictions: Opportunities for a Multi-faceted Social Work Response.” Health & Social Work, vol. 40, no. 3, Aug. 2015, pp. e59-e65. EBSCOhost

 

Lagoni, Lacey, et al.  “An Examination of the Self-Medication Hypothesis via Treatment Completion.” Addiction Research & Theory, vol. 19, no. 5, Oct. 2011, pp 416-426.  EBSCOhost, doi:10.3109/16066359.2010.525332

Nunes, Laura M and Sani, Ana  “The Drug Addict As a Victim: A Link to Explore” Journal of Drug Addiction, Education and Eradication Volume 11, Number 3-4 Nova Science Publishers, Inc.

 

Sanchez-Moreno, Maria McFarland “Winding Down the War on Drugs: reevaluating Global Drug Policy” Harvard International review

 

Santiago, Catherine Decarlo, et al. “Poverty and Mental Health: How Do Low-Income Adults and Children Fare in Psychotherapy?.” Journal of Clinical Psychology, vol. 69, no. 2, Feb. 2013, pp. 115-126.  EBSCOhost, doi:10.1002/jclp.21951

Be A Buddha

Be a Buddha! This request isn’t odd!

In Mahayana Buddhism one can become a Buddha, saint, angel, or Demi-god,

By practicing good deeds & eradicating evil deeds,

Moving the will of heaven then on to heaven succeed,

Inspired by the divine I give you a piece of my mind,

Good thoughts, speech, and actions is good karma, it’s good to be kind,

Results in good luck, good fortune, & destiny,

No fool to blood guilt let no devil get the best of me,

By slander and defraud,

The enemies of god are flawed,

I pay homage to Buddha Amitabha Namo Amituofo,

The blessing of Buddha contains more than 7,000 good deeds,

Now this is something you know too,

The bible says a profit is one who is heavy in deed

& faith without works is dead,

Actions and speech follows the thoughts in your head,

Don’t be a sinner forever its bad karma to eat animals that are dead,

Though its what comes out our mouth that defiles us bread,-dren,

Not what we put in, don’t be a gangster and wind up in a cell,

Bad thoughts, speech, and actions leads to bad luck, misfortune, and fate burning in hell,

My wishes are women, weed, and video games and for you to be well,

What are you willing to go to heaven for have integrity truth tell,

Karma is changeable yet permanent don’t soul sell,

Fulfill your destiny and become perfect for life is fleeting,

Be beloved by god and heaven become a celestial being,

Judo: the will of heaven be moved with your heart,

So you can be blessed and lucky as I express myself with this art,

I used to pick up thousands of cigarette butts at and water the park,

Fertilize from dawn till dark,

Plus I believe in Jesus. I’m a melting pot of religion

Like America. It’s good karma to defend your country,

Bad things aren’t suppose to happen

I chant Amituofo to keep demon & devil from among-st me,

So join the light side,

The right side,

& live not with pride,

When your good you don’t have to look over your shoulder or hide,

The bible says that by the law you should abide,

Honesty is a virtue with the deceitful don’t ally,

Bear no false witness they call it snitching & it glides,

Or set sail, you’ll regret your sin’s when your burning in hell,

Live straight and narrow like a train on a rail,

Don’t be lazy, you’ll never succeed if you don’t fail,

You could be black, white female or male,

I wrote this to motivate you to make your story an extraordinary tale,

By becoming an extraordinary person on your destiny don’t bail,

try not to turn down your blessings your suppose to be lucky for being good,

Discern the origin of cause effect and you’ll find enlightenment like you should,

Becoming a Buddha was the best decision I ever made and I really wish you would, too,

Retire on top after your heavy in deed grew,

Seek justice I could talk about it till I’m blue,

That’s why I love the curse of Allah its just it only effects the wicked,

No harm to the innocent no one gets afflicted,

When it comes to celestial beings I’m rather addicted,

The miracles, the virtues, the parables from the gifted,

Worship god and all those in heaven,

Become a V.I.P of the afterlife, and change life’s like a reverend,

If you curse someone with magic and their innocent it returns seven-fold,

Constantly working to become a better person even when I’m old,

Anger leads to pain, pain leads to the hell realms were its not cold,

Have love don’t hate be slow to anger like god so I’m told,

Jesus is lord & to be Christian is to be Christ-like so onto profits I hold,

Anyone can change their destiny are you in or will you fold

Anyone can become a Buddha they come in all forms.

One man killed 32 people before becoming a Buddha– against  sin I warn,

Made a vow never to litter so to the earth I’ve sworn,

And hopefully through this verse another saint be born,

Read Liao Fan’s four lessons to changing destiny.

 

Written by Jamal Muhammad, the Buddha!

Why I Say Special Messages Instead of Psychosis

For the past ten years I have used the words special messages to bring people together behind a better-defined notion of psychosis. I hope in this article will help better define what I mean by special messages and why I think that messages are part of a process that includes seven other components that I defined in my last article.

Many people who have worked with me presume that when I say special messages I mean voices. It’s true that the words hearing voices ring true as music to my ears. Indeed, the hearing voices movement has vastly improved the social understanding of what is happening to message receivers. Less dominant are the memes associated with all the “psycho” stigma that gets equated with the psychosis word. However, I still argue that just saying hearing voices fails to unite all people under the umbrella of the word psychosis.

I have come to feel that saying hearing voices is like saying the letter “a” instead of the word alphabet. It’s true that voices offer real and valuable experiences that society tries to suppress. But, I think that there are at least twenty-five types of experiences in addition to voices that can be relevant in creating psychosis. Put those experiences together in different ways and a person can create a vast masterpiece of meaningful reality that functions as an alternative to mainstream thought.

Not everyone who experiences psychosis uses all twenty-six types of experience, but some individuals may use far more than I can depict in this article. I believe each message receiver has a profile of messages: some that they can and cannot relate to.

I contend that no message is sicker than another. Indeed, problems associated with special messages need to be measured by the level of distress they cause, not by their existence. In fact, someone who hears voices is not necessarily sicker than someone who has more “normal” message experiences like getting an intuition or having a dream. In fact, one person may hear a voice and experience little distress, but have an interpersonal interaction that troubles them drastically. Others don’t get upset about their intuitions or interpersonal interactions, but are harassed to no-end by the fact they hear controlling voices. Sometimes it is the convergence of many different types of messages that cause the distress.

An experience becomes a special message because not everyone else has experienced it and because its meaning is not always clearly defined. Indeed, special messages take an element of speculation to thoroughly understand. Ultimately, sometime message receivers are spot on accurate about reality based on their special messages, but mistake happen.

I have found that encouraging people to tell stories about message crisis or “psychosis,” over the years helps uncover a variety of types of special messages that fit different profiles. It also helps a person feel validated, heal and connect to others. Though it can take some time, I have seen many people realize they are not alone for the first time in treatment hearing stories that others tell.

I also believe healing involves being able to pay more attention to message processes instead of just suppressing them and pretending to be a normal droid. Thus, emotions associated with special messages can be felt without burning their way permanently into a person’s life.

Many of us who suffer may have become preoccupied with real issues of war, genocide, torture, apocalyptic fatalities, spirit discernment, metaphysics, social control, truth, mind control, propaganda, good and evil and healing from these dilemmas may help us become very wise and valuable social contributors.

Additionally, people in message crisis need people who are aware of what they are going through to be with them while they are going through it. Message crisis can be an extremely alienating experience in which everyone wants to correct, rather than support the message receiver.

Although some message experiences in a person’s profile may seem normal or “real,” in crisis, they can dominate the day particularly because they fit together with others that no one would believe. The following are questions that I have developed to help the reader identify experiences that have influenced message receivers into what I believe become cultural thoughts that get defined as psychosis:

 

Do other people hint at things that profoundly relate to your life as though they know everything about you as though they have been listening to wire taps or are clued in through word of mouth, or other intuitive skills?

 

Do you get special intuitions based on body language or voice inflection or reading peoples’ minds that often turn out to be correct?

 

Do you get uncanny premonitions from gut feelings, or intuitions that might be considered ESP?

 

Can you pick up on people’s energy so that you can tell how they’re feeling when they pass by?

 

Do gestures or specific behaviors of others help you to most definitely know their unconscious thoughts?

 

Are things that bear symbolic meaning being left around for you to find that might be there to re-program you as if they are counter intelligence?

 

Do you have odd strings of “coincidence” that link together in ways that suggest or confirm things (serendipity?)

 

Do people follow you on the bus or train bear objects that identify them to you as people who are following you for better or worse?

 

Are you able to instantly tell if people are either for or against you

 

Are people sent to represent other people you know for a significant reason (impostors, look-a-likes, doppelgangers, agents)

 

Are you profoundly affected by dreams might be prophesies or reveal truths about yourself or the universe?

 

Do you experience de ja vu occurrences during which something happens that feels like it is happening to you again for the second time?

 

Do you find yourself reviewing vivid memories, sentences or words for hidden meanings?

 

Do people use codes to communicate secret info like numbers or words; do you break words into syllables and look for punny linguistic coincidences?

 

Do people have clear telepathic communication with you intentionally

 

Do movies, songs or shows on the radio or TV come to take on new meanings when you read between the lines. Might they even be special broadcasts that only you get?

 

Does certain forms Media contain secret coded truths that only you can understand?

 

Are you touched by the truth when you read in between the lines of certain situations?

 

Does it seem like people are putting on skits around you to teach you a lesson?

 

Is history full of conspiracies that god reveals the truth to you about because of discernment of spirit?

 

Are people slipping things in your food that are taking over your bodily processes?

 

Do you have bizarre visual experiences that make you think you are in a different dimension or on a different planet?

 

Do you see ghosts or entities that communicate with you in ways that other people may or may not be clued into?

 

Do you hear your own thoughts as distinguishable words that give personal insights into your being?

 

Do you hear people you know talking to you as though you are engaging in in telepathy?

 

Do your voices become familiar characters to you that you keep track of and take on personalities that you name and react to?

 

Do you get physically tortured through tactile pain or sensations that function in conjunction with your voices?

 

Have you ever been taught about the “I” word—illusions—which are sounds, visual experiences, sensations, smells or tastes that mix with reality, that really are there but that may become distorted to give you uncommon experiences?

 

Do people make uncanny comments about your private thoughts or experience when you pass by them talking in the community.

 

Has a character on the TV starts talking directly at you referencing you by name?

 

Has the hiss of a steam heater started turning into voices?

 

Have clouds in the sky turn into visual shapes?

 

Have you experienced things that are so strange it seems impossible that beliefs you hold are not true?

 

Do you have an uncanny awareness of or evidence of who you were in a past life?

 

Do you see projected images that show you secret images or entertaining stories that give you secrets about your ancestry or aliens or the mysteries of the universe?

 

Can you communicate with spirits, aliens or ghosts?

 

Do you sense when reincarnated spirits, aliens, or robot-machines have entered modern bodies as clones by looking at a person’s glistening eyeballs?

A New Definition of Psychosis

Psychosis is an antiquated word that leads to huge misunderstandings that play a large role oppressing a larger and larger portion of the population. For the past nine years I have run professional focus groups, going through the process of listening, exploring, reflecting, writing, seeking feedback and rewriting to get a better definition of psychosis.

 

Defining Psychosis, the Mainstream Way:

I remember using the mainstream definition as a young professional during the job I used to get me through my Master’s Program. Wondering how I was to connect with people who had delusions and voices that I clearly didn’t experience with my neurotic, highly-medicated self, I filled the white board with a list of labels and complicated words I was proud to be able to define. It was my college education that got me the job, and this was one way I could use it to be useful.

positive symptoms

Hallucinations:           reports of sounds (voices,) visuals, tactile sensations, tastes, and olfactory sensations that others do not experience

Delusions:                   “an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational . . .” In spite of the “preponderance of the evidence”

Disorganized Speech: Frequent derailment or incoherence): Word salad, tangential, or circumspect speech

negative symptoms

Andhedonia
Avolition
Amotivation
Alogia
Attention Problems
Catatonia
Posturing
Lethargy
Flat affect
Social Withdrawal
Sexual Problems

 

The Errors of These Ways:

Life has taught me that the mainstream definition, as such, does little to depict what it feels like to have a break from reality. Indeed, not understanding this can cause a supporter to make things worse even when they have the best of intentions. Indeed, miscommunication, pain, and strained relationships often result once a sufferer has a break.

I now contend that this mainstream definition offers little helpful direction toward the healing that can be inevitable when a person accepts their situation, moves through it, and is not subjugated to the gross negligence of institutionalization.

I still remember some of the ridiculous conclusions I drew as a young clinician: for hallucinations, the answer was simple: ignore them; for delusions: I would recommend that the sufferer just think like everyone else does; and for disorganized speech the answer likewise seemed simple: do not speak, otherwise people will think something is wrong with you. I likely went so far as to make these assertions.

 

Cultural Delusions:

With what I know now, I don’t even believe that psychotic delusions exist. Sure errors, happen, but they do little to define the experience. Indeed, according to my current definition, the concept that delusions are wrong “in spite of a preponderance of the evidence” is a huge misrepresentation of what is happening.

For example, for years I heard fellow sufferers suggest that there are cameras in all televisions through which the government can spy on people. While I expressed as genuine an open mind to this idea as I could muster, I really didn’t think so. Then, the Wiki Leaks story broke, and I found out that the “delusional” people I work with were right after all. Once again, mainstream, Eurocentric ideas suggested that the world was flat.

Indeed, when the problem is defined as observable behavior, it fails to acknowledge the intrinsic value of the experiences to people who have them. It also fails to account for so much of what people go through when they are in the thick of it. So many anomalous perceptions turn out to be accurate.

I recall only one client who was brave enough to stand up to my degree and tell me that she felt she had a gift and that her experiences were valuable. I listened, but if I had truly accepted her help, it would have saved me years of torment.

 

What Happened to Me:

It wasn’t until I was thirty that I went through a psychotic break from reality or what I prefer to define as a message crisis. I was working amidst drug war politics and taking huge risks to promote safety for vulnerable and traumatized people. My boss threatened to fire me for associating with renegade activists. In fact, residents were dealing with violence and conspiracies in a large section 8 complex that was widely reported on in the paper.

For two years after my lengthily incarceration in a State Hospital, I moved around and was unable to find employment. I knew I could still work even though I was being followed. The only thing I had learned in the hospital was how to endure abuse and be prepared for utter squalor.

My best explanation for what had happened to me was that the mafia was following me. In fact, I had developed the idea that it was my own family who was responsible for the constant threats I was experiencing. Finally, I decided to trust my aunt, who was the black sheep of my father’s side of the family. She was able to attain a job for me making sandwiches at an Italian Deli.

Underemployed and harassed in the most controlling of ways for ten months, it would be a decade later when I would learn that that famous celebrity-chef I met and at one point surmised to be the local kingpin really was the kingpin just as I had suspected. It’s true that throughout my tenure at the deli, I surmised many people to be the kingpin, but still . . . When I returned to taking medications, I finally was able to get a social services job away from the deli. Eventually, I returned to work in mental health.

 

My Learning Process:

Nine years ago, I grew tired of running standard groups. In many cases, everyone in the group had experiences with psychosis, yet we all sat suppressing those experiences and were communicating in the language of the oppressor. I had heard about Hearing Voices Network groups in Europe, and I decided to create a specialty group in which I used my lived experience to further explore the experiences that people go through during psychosis.

Since that time, I have been deconstructing the concept of schizophrenia and reconstructing a definition for psychosis into eight components that might better reflect what people go through. I feel that the following eight components give the reader, supporters, and even provider-folks a better definition of what people who experience psychosis go through.

 

Psychosis Redefined in Eight Components:

Special Messages:

These are a collection of triggering experiences that give usspecial information that others may not be aware of.

Uncanny intuitions,
Hearing voices,
ESP,
Sensing the thoughts of another,
Premonitions,
Visions,
Dreams,
Tactile torture,
Interpersonal feedback,
Reading between the lines in media (TV, Movies, Newspapers,)
Seeing clues in words,
Seeing clues in numbers,
Seeing clues in the world that surround you.


Divergent Views:            

Streams of thought about the way the world works that arise from special messages. These are thoughts that explain how the messages are possible. Often, only speculations, many divergent views we make aren’t wrong; in fact, many may be more correct than mainstream ideas (sometimes only in a sense though,) but most people will tell us they are wrong.

Sleuthing:

A state of mind in which we are straining to find the truth about special messages. This works with our powerful affect state and may seem like a way of surviving or exploring. Once we develop a divergent view we sleuth hard for more special message evidence to confirm correctness (a rational process.) As Special Messages build up we sleuth, and more divergent views get formed.

Theory:

A hypothesis or educated guess as to the ultimate cause of the message. Just when the message is received, the pre-conscious theory explains why the message happened, who sent it.  The theory is integral to our understanding of what the message means. Often the theory gets stuck on one causation modality (in sum I have developed five potential modalities that serve dozens and dozens of theories) and this drives us to sleuth intensely and make errors.

Tricksters:

Tricksters are potentially false, negative divergent views that we receive in the process of making meaning of special messages. Recall that, in fact, special messages lead to both accurate and inaccurate divergent views. In crisis, tricksters may really be false, but if we believe in them strongly enough, they work with a negative self-fulfilling prophesy to come true. Thus, we think we are followed and we end up in the hospital where we really are followed. We think we are in danger, put out fearful energy, and people are more likely to be antagonistic and try to harm us. When tricksters come true it convinces us that we are right to fervently believe in the truth of all our messages and not entertain mainstream views.

Retaliation Reactions:

Behaviors that exude strong emotional reaction to the whole divergent process:

Glaring with angry or happy eyes
Looking behind you for the possibility of tails
Making gestures of prayer
Talking with voices in public
Coding our language as if we are talking to CIA agents.
Talking in codes so that the people broadcasting our life on TV won’t be able to understand what we mean.
Getting angry or entralled and treating someone in a way you wouldn’t otherwise.
Walking backwards down the highway to make a statement.
Barking at a passing bicycle because you are angry like a dog (which is god spelled backwards)


Social Sanctions:

These are punishments like: involuntary hospitalization, seclusion, restraint, incarceration, loss of housing, loss of employment, loss of social role, social rejection, public ridicule, loss of family financial support, anger and resentment, loss of respect and validation.

Stigma:


In short, stigma is a real process that leads others to label us according to our reaction behavior.
Stigma labels carries with them stereotypical assumptions that lead to social sanctions (external and internal,) and, ultimately, to real discrimination.
Stigma often causes us, the recipients, to get defined as our illness. We may lose a sense of our outside strengths and interests and our sense of identity.

 

In Conclusion:

In effect, these eight definitions function as a road-map to the rabbit-hole of psychosis which can help those dealing with distress to find things like meaningful work, relationships, and social integration. With psychosis defined as such, there are numerous solution strategies I have been able to develop that can help move people out of crisis.

Indeed, I believe a new definition like the one I have sketched out is necessary for the public to internalize. I feel if the public had a better understanding and respect for what so many people with mental health challenges experience, not only those who carry the diagnosis of schizophrenia would benefit.

Indeed, such a definition places far less blame and belief in eugenics and brain damage. In fact, often brain damage may happen because of trauma we experience being invalidated and talked down to, dis-empowered and neglected. And still even the greatest traumas give us potential for glorious learning.

Indeed, special message experiences like intuitions, dreams, and interpersonal interactions are things that everyone can relate to and can benefit from navigating in meaningful manners.

Another Anything for a Little Attention Man

It’s true that a plastic rimmed hat

That cost me ten cents at a thrift store

Is sitting on my head;

And it’s true that they gave me

A free plastic trash bag

To covers some  of my

Old five and dime store clothing display;

And it’s true I might have taken the bus;

When it didn’t look like rain this morning;

And it’s true that it would have been

Ten miles home, or four miles to the mall

By the time the skies opened

And dogs and cats nailed down upon my face;

It’s true that already have an interview suit

In another state

That my father wouldn’t send to me

When we fought on the phone earlier today;

And it’s true I have an interview on Friday

And it’s true that I have the money

On my card to pay;

And it’s true that I don’t have enough money

To pay four more months’ rent stay;

And it’s true my family

Seem to say that they won’t even pray

Long as I stay

Unmedicated in this town;

And it’s true that I lost my last job

Suddenly, without explanation;

And it’s true that just a few years ago

I put myself through a Master’s program

For which I still must pay;

And it’s true I filled out

Forty-three applications for minimum wage work

Just in one week

So, I’m thinking going professional is the way;

And it’s true that my one nefarious reference

Told me that no employer bothered to call;

And it’s true that I didn’t pursue

The job down the street

He hinted at to keep me at bay

During the latest veiled threat;

And it’s true that his first direct threat

Happened just four months ago

Before I ran for the border

Before the police stopped me

Then tracked me to put me away.

And it’s true I hadn’t committed a crime

And it’s true that at least when I arrived

At the mall at ten thirty on a week day

That there were ten other derelict types

Looking just like me,

Soaking wet along the mall awnings;

And it’s true that I locked my bike twice

Before I left it behind;

And it’s true that I took a Greyhound

From another middle of nowhere stay

Just to try to get away;

And it’s true that every middle of nowhere

Ends up being the middle of everywhere

Wherever I stray!

And it’s true that after I leave the mall

My latest locked bicycle

Will be missing from its space.

And it’s true the police

Will refuse to file a report

Citing coincidence as the likely play;

And it’s true I will look strange on the bus

Shivering, back hurting too much to remove

The incriminating garb.

And it’s true that I will decide to rent a car

To drive dry to pick up the suit

And to get to the interview on Friday;

As it will also be true

That the interview will be cancelled;

As it will also be true

That you will never see me again;

As will also be true

That I will get a call the minute I get home

From my father

Informing me that my suit is now on the way.

 

But I am only going to tell you

The truth that really matters:

That is,

I have taken off

The plastic hat and the trash bag

And that I am asking you to size me up

Praying that you are not noticing

That my jeans are wet,

Praying,

That when you are measuring my arms

For the suit,

That you aren’t noticing

That the dye from my boots

Has bled onto my sweat socks;

And I’ll be praying that you believe me

When I tell you

That I will be spending my holiday

With my sister

Who lives down on G street,

Praying that I will be

Just another stranger

Walking through

The shadow of your day,

Praying that you will not

Take advantage of my situation

And charge me extra money

Or ensure that I get robbed

In some other way

In the end, maybe you will never know

How important it is

That I get to an interview

As soon as I can

And I mean today!

The Need to Dismantle Industry Constructs (Part Three)

When I think back to my twenty-two-year career working with other providers, my mid-career first-break, and the things that helped me recover, like my dog, I know for sure that the standard of care needs is a disservice to those who experience madness.

Many people who have breaks from reality get that permanent housing trajectory in their heads and rant and rail against it. They may still believe that there is such a thing as schizophrenia and be disinterested in the lives of their peers who are clearly schizophrenics. Those who have breaks, like me, are extremely diverse with distinctive cultural backgrounds, different access to resources and differing levels of buy into to the concept that they are permanently ill with something that will never go away. Those without a history of privilege become very susceptible for decline into permanent warehousing conditions that make healing very challenging.

Clearly, dismantling industry constructs for things like schizophrenia and poor prognosis is an important component of recovery. I have a hunch that to plan for generativity, schizophrenic constructs, other disorder constructs that block the formation of counterculture, and constructs from developmental psychology need to be challenged.

 

 

***

As I mentioned in part one of this essay, to deconstruct the notion of schizophrenia, nine years ago, I coined the term, special messages. Special messages are a broad set of experiences that lead people into schizophrenia. Special messages can range from intuitions, to dreams, to memories, to interpersonal interaction, to voices or other hallucinations, to coded/traumatic observations of media, words, numbers, or serendipitous reality. During a first break these experiences come together to offer powerful glimpses of reality that is real but overwhelming or confusing. In the least it leads to thoughts that tend to differ from mainstream thought.

Running survivor-led group therapy over the past nine years, I have identified at least seven other jargonized concepts other than special messages that significantly help define what is going on during a break. This involves looking at message receivers without seeing them as behavioral objects with brain disorders. Looking at the process of what is going on internally and externally in addition to the way individuals behave is necessary. And during this process of deconstructing schizophrenia, there are a host of potential solutions that arise. Along with eight components of “psychosis” I have developed eight solution strategies over time.

 

 

***

 

I believe it helps to share diverse ideas, coping strategies and learn more about the culture of peoples who experience a break. Although we come from diverse backgrounds, we become brothers and sisters when we become oppressed during treatment. I believe group therapy that focuses on the experience of “psychosis” can help restore that much needed human need for generativity. The hearing voices movement is currently starting to make this resource available to people. I believe that people who get special messages and have first breaks have skills that could become gifts if they learn how to manage them. Instead they end up separated into isolated disorders and alone. I tend to think of them as being neurologically different not psychologically and developmentally impaired.

Perhaps as a people, we message receivers are mistrustful for a good reason. Who wants to go in and out of the hospital until they are forced into permanent warehousing conditions?

As a paid professional, I was careful to hide my history and prove that I could function just like a normal clinician. It wasn’t until I had worked six years and received my psychotherapy license that I decided to overcome my own fear of being fired for surviving schizophrenia. I started to run groups in which I shared and depicted my own experience and used that platform to foster mutual exploration. I have learned how to work with many in the program, telling stories and defining universal qualities of “psychosis.”

 

***

Another industry construct that needs to be dismantled are the presumptions that get made with the developmental psychological paradigm of Eric Erickson. The belief that someone with paranoid “psychosis” is stuck in the first developmental stage of trust verses mistrust and therefore not able to conquer later developmental tasks is common. Psychological malapropisms such as this contribute to preventing the industry from really healing people and offering them things that help them with generativity needs. Too many providers think along these lines, fail to explore a message receiver’s experiences and do not train people towards getting generativity needs met

Sure, some of us who have had breaks from reality have had problems with things like guilt and shame in our history, but many don’t. Some of us may be industrious and have initiative, just like some “normals” are, and some not. These kinds of struggles can be addressed intermittently and developmental strengths may exist without the presence of trust.  Likewise, we may have different levels of need in terms of intimacy and generativity, but we do have these needs just like everybody else. The idea that you can’t love someone else until you love yourself is an example of this kind of malapropism. If loving and caring for others is a strength, why not utilize it.

 

 

***

When a person has a first break, it is a real shame when, suddenly, all resources go to providers who set trajectories of permanent warehousing and poverty. I believe it is wise to invest in people who get special messages. Once they are either economically empowered or enveloped in a safe and healing community they can engage in generativity and dismantle the constructs that keep them shackle bound.

Indeed, people with psychological training or a belief in modern ways may be at a significant disadvantage in surviving a break. It is well known that in many third world countries with subsistence and indigenous practices, recovery is more common than in modern contexts. This proves to be true even when there is access to medication and the best practice: CBT for “Psychosis.” There are so many factors to consider when considering reality in this manner. It is a very mind-blowing and industry-condemning fact. I feel that getting important needs met like generativity is essential and can help more of us dismantle the paradigms that keep us defeated.

Although I function with a good job and a good relationship, I still struggle with the lack of safety I experience when dealing with mainstream community. Outside the community where I work as a facilitator, I prefer to stay at home where many of my needs are met with the canine who we just rescued three weeks ago. I prefer to adapt to the positive qualities I learn about from my current dog, Jayla, and focus on that present moment of joy she brings.

Meanwhile the apocalypse rages in the backdrop.

 

Generativity and Recovery! Part Three: Dismantling Industry Constructs to Make Generativity Possible

When I think back to my twenty-two-year career working with other providers, my mid-career first-break, and the things that helped me recover, like my dog, I know for sure that the standard of care needs is a disservice to those who experience madness.

Many people who have breaks from reality get that permanent housing trajectory in their heads and rant and rail against it. They may still believe that there is such a thing as schizophrenia and be disinterested in the lives of their peers who are clearly schizophrenics. Those who have breaks, like me, are extremely diverse with distinctive cultural backgrounds, different access to resources and differing levels of buy into to the concept that they are permanently ill with something that will never go away. Those without a history of privilege become very susceptible for decline into permanent warehousing conditions that make healing very challenging.

Clearly, dismantling industry constructs for things like schizophrenia and poor prognosis is an important component of recovery. I have a hunch that to plan for generativity, schizophrenic constructs, other disorder constructs that block the formation of counterculture, and constructs from developmental psychology need to be challenged.

 

 

***

As I mentioned in part one of this essay, to deconstruct the notion of schizophrenia, nine years ago, I coined the term, special messages. Special messages are a broad set of experiences that lead people into schizophrenia. Special messages can range from intuitions, to dreams, to memories, to interpersonal interaction, to voices or other hallucinations, to coded/traumatic observations of media, words, numbers, or serendipitous reality. During a first break these experiences come together to offer powerful glimpses of reality that is real but overwhelming or confusing. In the least it leads to thoughts that tend to differ from mainstream thought.

Running survivor-led group therapy over the past nine years, I have identified at least seven other jargonized concepts other than special messages that significantly help define what is going on during a break. This involves looking at message receivers without seeing them as behavioral objects with brain disorders. Looking at the process of what is going on internally and externally in addition to the way individuals behave is necessary. And during this process of deconstructing schizophrenia, there are a host of potential solutions that arise. Along with eight components of “psychosis” I have developed eight solution strategies over time.

 

 

***

 

I believe it helps to share diverse ideas, coping strategies and learn more about the culture of peoples who experience a break. Although we come from diverse backgrounds, we become brothers and sisters when we become oppressed during treatment. I believe group therapy that focuses on the experience of “psychosis” can help restore that much needed human need for generativity. The hearing voices movement is currently starting to make this resource available to people. I believe that people who get special messages and have first breaks have skills that could become gifts if they learn how to manage them. Instead they end up separated into isolated disorders and alone. I tend to think of them as being neurologically different not psychologically and developmentally impaired.

Perhaps as a people, we message receivers are mistrustful for a good reason. Who wants to go in and out of the hospital until they are forced into permanent warehousing conditions?

As a paid professional, I was careful to hide my history and prove that I could function just like a normal clinician. It wasn’t until I had worked six years and received my psychotherapy license that I decided to overcome my own fear of being fired for surviving schizophrenia. I started to run groups in which I shared and depicted my own experience and used that platform to foster mutual exploration. I have learned how to work with many in the program, telling stories and defining universal qualities of “psychosis.”

 

***

Another industry construct that needs to be dismantled are the presumptions that get made with the developmental psychological paradigm of Eric Erickson. The belief that someone with paranoid “psychosis” is stuck in the first developmental stage of trust verses mistrust and therefore not able to conquer later developmental tasks is common. Psychological malapropisms such as this contribute to preventing the industry from really healing people and offering them things that help them with generativity needs. Too many providers think along these lines, fail to explore a message receiver’s experiences and do not train people towards getting generativity needs met

Sure, some of us who have had breaks from reality have had problems with things like guilt and shame in our history, but many don’t. Some of us may be industrious and have initiative, just like some “normals” are, and some not. These kinds of struggles can be addressed intermittently and developmental strengths may exist without the presence of trust.  Likewise, we may have different levels of need in terms of intimacy and generativity, but we do have these needs just like everybody else. The idea that you can’t love someone else until you love yourself is an example of this kind of malapropism. If loving and caring for others is a strength, why not utilize it.

 

 

***

When a person has a first break, it is a real shame when, suddenly, all resources go to providers who set trajectories of permanent warehousing and poverty. I believe it is wise to invest in people who get special messages. Once they are either economically empowered or enveloped in a safe and healing community they can engage in generativity and dismantle the constructs that keep them shackle bound.

Indeed, people with psychological training or a belief in modern ways may be at a significant disadvantage in surviving a break. It is well known that in many third world countries with subsistence and indigenous practices, recovery is more common than in modern contexts. This proves to be true even when there is access to medication and the best practice: CBT for “Psychosis.” There are so many factors to consider when considering reality in this manner. It is a very mind-blowing and industry-condemning fact. I feel that getting important needs met like generativity is essential and can help more of us dismantle the paradigms that keep us defeated.

Although I function with a good job and a good relationship, I still struggle with the lack of safety I experience when dealing with mainstream community. Outside the community where I work as a facilitator, I prefer to stay at home where many of my needs are met with the canine who we just rescued three weeks ago. I prefer to adapt to the positive qualities I learn about from my current dog, Jayla, and focus on that present moment of joy she brings.

Meanwhile the apocalypse rages in the backdrop.

 

How the Privilege of Generativity Helped Me Accept My Family (Part Two)

My three-month psychiatric incarceration seemed to be aimed at discrediting me after I had leaked newspaper stories. On my way to Canada to seek asylum, I was stopped by police. I evaded them for three days through rural towns and surrendered one midnight, from a ditch on a mountain pass.

It was hard for me to accept the way I was treated. Confined to a ward for two weeks, I walked in circles. I barked on the payphone testing many of my supports. They all just said I was delusional.

I really did learn a lot from a mob boss’s daughter. There are a lot to the rules that govern those of us who get trafficked in this land of the free. Still, I did what I could to disrespect the mob especially because my counselor told me not to. And so, I endured a month of chronic warehousing conditions. I had to wear other peoples’ clothes to brave the ice-cold of the barely heated ward.

Two and a half months in my psychiatrist finally responded to my requests to meet with her.

“You know, Tim, one time we had someone come here saying the FBI was following him. In fact, they were following him even though he hadn’t done anything wrong.”

Of course, I didn’t trust her enough to find out if she really was referencing me the way I thought she was.

 

 

***

Yes, I did endure some trauma that I needed to process. My most loyal friend who openly talked about a nefarious past had suddenly threatened me. Could he have had me set me up at the section 8 housing authority complex where I had been working? Additionally, I was in a ten-year emotional cutoff from my parents who were seeming connected to this threat. When the police intercepted me, manhandled me, and separated me from my car, I learned that it was my parents who had tipped them off.

As soon as I got out of the chronic unit, which could very well have prepared me for permanent warehousing, I started over again. I got a job at a daycare center and I got a dog. It was a promise I made to myself to endure the hospitalization. Something told me I would be okay with a simple life and a dog to care for. And so, I would find myself lucky to have an outlet for my generativity needs.

 

 

***

Shortly after I ran out of my month’s supply of medication from the hospital, I started to get overwhelmed by strange incidents on the streets. I lost my job. I strained to find employment and spent down most of my small savings.

Eventually, I did get a few job-offers, but I was seeing special broadcasts on the television. I was also getting sick from food I believed was being dosed with laxative powder. I reasoned the government sewed a tracking device into my dog when they fixed her. Everywhere I went I saw convincing evidence that reinforced these ideas.

An aunt said she could get me a job at an Italian Deli if I moved up closer to her. She could negotiate with my family who agreed to support me if I moved and accepted underemployment. I made the move to a town on the outskirts of the bay area.

 

 

***

My dog loved to play fetch and frisbee endlessly. I took her hiking, helped her build confidence, and she was grateful for our life together. But in the Bay Area, I had to leave her for twelve hours a day, as I biked and rode the train four-hours-a-day to work and back. Still, she never peed on the apartment rug once.

Of course, I was mad! I felt my mafia family didn’t set it up to be easy for me. It seemed like they wanted me to fail. I couldn’t count on their support if I didn’t maintain my job. I frequently accused them of being mafia and held them accountable for all my suffering.

I collected daily evidence that my apartment was being broken into. I figured either the mob or the U.S. government was walking my dog for me. I figured if they had the time to torment me in this manner, the least they could do was walk the dog for me.

But really, I was amazed my dog could be so loyal to endure twelve-hour days for me. I did everything in my power to make sure she was amply exercised. I didn’t mind when she chewed through everything I owned.

I continued to be unable to find employment outside the deli. The dozens of job-interviews I didn’t get had me convinced I was blacklisted.

Finally, after six months I got a car; then benefits came; and, finally, after ten months, I got back on medication. The level of harassment at work declined. I found work outside the Italian Deli.

 

 

***

I think it was my generativity for my dog that kept me going through the exceptionally hard situation. I was terrified of losing her. Lord knows I was not a perfect owner. I didn’t always exhibit the best judgment. On nights when I cried to my mother on the phone because mob kids had set me up to be fired, I never did get fired.

It was so humiliating to admit that what they said about me was correct, that I had schizophrenia. The corrupt world was fine if I took my medication. Suspicious deaths that happen in the section 8 housing projects can get covered up. Only my loyal dog could understand that this was wrong.

My dog lived to be sixteen and a half years. She and I grew once we got out of that Italian Deli. We had the greatest relationship and often became the envy of other dog owners at the dog parks. She was beautiful. She was loyal. She was proud of me despite what “they” said.

While everyone including the shrink that I saw just treated me like I was a drain and a bother to be around, I had a beautiful dog that needed me to care for her.

Generativity and Recovery! Part Two: Generativity in My Own Recovery

My three-month psychiatric incarceration seemed to be aimed at discrediting me after I had leaked newspaper stories. On my way to Canada to seek asylum, I was stopped by police. I evaded them for three days through rural towns and surrendered one midnight, from a ditch on a mountain pass.

It was hard for me to accept the way I was treated. Confined to a ward for two weeks, I walked in circles. I barked on the payphone testing many of my supports. They all just said I was delusional.

I really did learn a lot from a mob boss’s daughter. There are a lot to the rules that govern those of us who get trafficked in this land of the free. Still, I did what I could to disrespect the mob especially because my counselor told me not to. And so, I endured a month of chronic warehousing conditions. I had to wear other peoples’ clothes to brave the ice-cold of the barely heated ward.

Two and a half months in my psychiatrist finally responded to my requests to meet with her.

“You know, Tim, one time we had someone come here saying the FBI was following him. In fact, they were following him even though he hadn’t done anything wrong.”

Of course, I didn’t trust her enough to find out if she really was referencing me the way I thought she was.

 

 

***

Yes, I did endure some trauma that I needed to process. My most loyal friend who openly talked about a nefarious past had suddenly threatened me. Could he have had me set me up at the section 8 housing authority complex where I had been working? Additionally, I was in a ten-year emotional cutoff from my parents who were seeming connected to this threat. When the police intercepted me, manhandled me, and separated me from my car, I learned that it was my parents who had tipped them off.

As soon as I got out of the chronic unit, which could very well have prepared me for permanent warehousing, I started over again. I got a job at a daycare center and I got a dog. It was a promise I made to myself to endure the hospitalization. Something told me I would be okay with a simple life and a dog to care for. And so, I would find myself lucky to have an outlet for my generativity needs.

 

 

***

Shortly after I ran out of my month’s supply of medication from the hospital, I started to get overwhelmed by strange incidents on the streets. I lost my job. I strained to find employment and spent down most of my small savings.

Eventually, I did get a few job-offers, but I was seeing special broadcasts on the television. I was also getting sick from food I believed was being dosed with laxative powder. I reasoned the government sewed a tracking device into my dog when they fixed her. Everywhere I went I saw convincing evidence that reinforced these ideas.

An aunt said she could get me a job at an Italian Deli if I moved up closer to her. She could negotiate with my family who agreed to support me if I moved and accepted underemployment. I made the move to a town on the outskirts of the bay area.

 

 

***

My dog loved to play fetch and frisbee endlessly. I took her hiking, helped her build confidence, and she was grateful for our life together. But in the Bay Area, I had to leave her for twelve hours a day, as I biked and rode the train four-hours-a-day to work and back. Still, she never peed on the apartment rug once.

Of course, I was mad! I felt my mafia family didn’t set it up to be easy for me. It seemed like they wanted me to fail. I couldn’t count on their support if I didn’t maintain my job. I frequently accused them of being mafia and held them accountable for all my suffering.

I collected daily evidence that my apartment was being broken into. I figured either the mob or the U.S. government was walking my dog for me. I figured if they had the time to torment me in this manner, the least they could do was walk the dog for me.

But really, I was amazed my dog could be so loyal to endure twelve-hour days for me. I did everything in my power to make sure she was amply exercised. I didn’t mind when she chewed through everything I owned.

I continued to be unable to find employment outside the deli. The dozens of job-interviews I didn’t get had me convinced I was blacklisted.

Finally, after six months I got a car; then benefits came; and, finally, after ten months, I got back on medication. The level of harassment at work declined. I found work outside the Italian Deli.

 

 

***

I think it was my generativity for my dog that kept me going through the exceptionally hard situation. I was terrified of losing her. Lord knows I was not a perfect owner. I didn’t always exhibit the best judgment. On nights when I cried to my mother on the phone because mob kids had set me up to be fired, I never did get fired.

It was so humiliating to admit that what they said about me was correct, that I had schizophrenia. The corrupt world was fine if I took my medication. Suspicious deaths that happen in the section 8 housing projects can get covered up. Only my loyal dog could understand that this was wrong.

My dog lived to be sixteen and a half years. She and I grew once we got out of that Italian Deli. We had the greatest relationship and often became the envy of other dog owners at the dog parks. She was beautiful. She was loyal. She was proud of me despite what “they” said.

While everyone including the shrink that I saw just treated me like I was a drain and a bother to be around, I had a beautiful dog that needed me to care for her.

The Need to Plan for Your Loved Ones Recovery (Part One)

 

In the United States, when a person has what is often referred to as a first break, the courses of action that get taken against them may end up being a crime against their humanity.

While there can be very diverse responses from family and friends, there is the unfortunate tendency to turn to the mental health industry for support and direction. Many providers in the industry only know the standard of care which is to refer the person to a hospital and psychiatric medications.

Few providers take an interest in understanding and exploring the important experiences that lead to the break. I call these experiences special messages. Finding a provider who is curious about these experiences, skilled at understanding them, and who knows better than to try to suppress them can be rare.

Many providers fail to acknowledge the trauma involved in the lives of the people who have first breaks and that the trauma that gets worsened as the standard of care—forced medication, social security, revolving hospital doors, and warehousing—get implemented. Many presume this is a necessary process.

In fact, I know just a few providers who would not take the contention of this essay seriously: that to recover, what people really need to get their feet back on the ground and have the responsibility and roles that can most certainly include that of caring for others.

Sure, when people have a break, there is behavior that can become scary and hard to tolerate. It may be the last thing that supporters think is that this person needs more responsibility. But it is a human need that is so absent in the industry that it needs to be part of the equation. In my mind, the sooner generativity needs are addressed, the sooner the recovery.

 

***

For many supporters who do stick around, there is an amplification of shock and distress when they find that hospitalization and psychiatric medications are not even possible until there is danger or grave disability. Sometimes the thought is that nothing that can be done until the standard of care is implemented. It is enough to push many to desperately pray for hospitalizations and psychiatric medication and curse the human rights of their loved one. Some may set trajectories for permanent warehousing and poverty.

Other supporters may encourage and advocate for behavioral change without understanding the obstacles that are faced, the experiences I call special messages. Perhaps some supporters think the afflicted person can be backed into that corner where they are forced to accept consensus reality, take their medication, and return to the person that everybody wants them to be. It can become a self-defeating, tough love mentality for many. I consider this mentality to be one that profoundly misunderstands what it takes to build trust with someone who is in a break.

 

 

***

I don’t intend to overlook the recent proliferation of early prevention programs which is a very good idea. Such programs are just starting to be created extolling the merits of CBT for “Psychosis.” Herein, therapists just entering the field are taught a best practice that wasn’t even created for the culture of the people it tries to serve. While I would not argue that this is worse than hospitalization and psychiatric medications, I still feel there is cultural bias in it. It may save some who are skilled and supported, but for many, it does little to meet the person where they are at and meet their needs for generativity.

I personally believe that CBT for “Psychosis” offers one valid technique that can be supportive when there is so much more that is needed for a good recovery. For me personally, recognizing that my thoughts are irrationally diminishing me due to the stigmatizing ways others treat me does help; but this did little to get me through until I had escaped poverty.

For me, poverty was such an irrational experience. I needed to learn to accept it before I could overcome it. Indeed, so many like me lose everything when they have a first break. Still others are forced into such circumstances with what may be misguided tough love. Imagine being told to think rationally by the same people who are suppressing you. It can be a difficult pill to swallow.

 

 

***

Seventeen years after my own two- year break I tend not to get to work with people until they are in the upper part of middle age and have utterly given up. Finally, they accept that the twisted system that has guided them into permanent warehousing can offer them support. And so, we provide transportation and provide them a place to heal. In this crazy world, we save the government money by ending the revolving door of the hospital while charging top dollar.

That is not to say that many have not done a good job surviving on their own with the occasional hospitalization. Many clients I work with are just now getting services for aging as they are falling into low-income housing. It simply is not fair to categorize a program such as ours in simplistic manners.

I believe we have some of the nicest and most beautiful people one could ever experience and what we do for them is skillfully encourage them to build a community or family in which they can support each other. Once I learned the ropes, which took quite a few years, I learned to consider participants to be unpaid volunteers and to be regaining an important role—the ability care for others after terrifically traumatic experiences. Teaching people who have breaks from reality to care for each other may take some time, but doing so changes downward trajectories.

Much of what I am saying about generativity comes from observing people in the program where I work, so many of whom are in permanent warehousing circumstances.

 

 

***

Indeed, when I reflect on what is needed for people who have breaks from reality, I think that what they need most is to maintain the role of being responsible to care for other people or beings. What happens to most people who have breaks and face psychiatric warehousing, is that they lose everything they have and get treated as though they are a drain that others must take care of.

Thus, initiating processes of caring for others and responsibility are novel experiences that can help motivate them get their feet on the ground. I at least would propose that it be a consideration in planning any person’s future who has a first break.