Angie Morgan's Blog, page 30

Presence and Presents

I’m going to lead by example this year and do something daring: I’m going to abandon my phone this holiday season and stick to real, human connection. Shocking, right? 

I’ve already ditched Facebook for one month. (I’ll admit – I didn’t realize my addiction until I kicked the habit.) As my family prepares to spend a lot of time together, I’m going to put my phone away. Easier said than done…. 

We’re so used to presents for the holiday – what about presence? I’d argue that to the ones who love us most, our focus on the here and now is more valuable than anything found inside a wrapped package. 

My challenge to you, too, is to bring your whole self to parties, gatherings, and dinners out. Put whatever distracts you away and give those in your party the best gift you have – you. 

Here’s to a wonderful holiday season! 

Angie & the Lead Star Team

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Suffering is Optional

My dear friend and colleague, Eric Spencer, has a great saying whenever he facilitates a learning session: 

“Suffering is optional.” 


To his participants, this means that if they have to go to the restroom, they don’t need to raise their hand. If they need to take a call, they can leave the room. If they’re not enjoying the company at their table, they can move. 

In other words, there are times when you have to suck it up … and there are times when you don’t. Learning should be one of the latter. 

I love this advice, as it’s great for setting classroom expectations. But it’s even better for life. 

I recently passed off Eric’s advice to a woman I’m currently mentoring. Now that she’s fresh from grad school and putting her degree to use, she’s discovering that her working environment is less than best. Work, to her, has become an endurance sport, an experience where she has to coach herself daily to get and keep her head in the game. I reminded her that she has a lot of control over her circumstances, and she always has the choice to leave. She agreed that she could take that route, but shared that she’s just not in the position to resign at this time. As I listened to her reasoning, I was reminded of a quote: 

If you don’t like something, change it.

If you can’t change it, change how you think about it. 

In situations where you feel stuck, this is great guidance. As I tell my children all the time: thoughts become beliefs that become behaviors. The most important aspect of our thoughts is that we are the authors of them – we create them. Left unchecked, they can make us a victim of our own circumstance. By becoming more conscious of them, and intercepting the negative thoughts and replacing them with more positive ones, we can put ourselves back in the hero’s role of our own life journey. 

To practice this, try these techniques: 

Shift Focus. When thinking about why things are bad, ask yourself what you’re learning from the experience and how you’ll apply it going forward. This shift helps take your mind off of what you don’t like and refocuses you on what you’re learning so that you can find value from the experience (even if it’s unpleasant).
Take the Long View. If you’re not happy about a situation, ask yourself how you’ll feel about it 10 years from now. Will you even remember it? Perspective is key, especially when we recognize that some of the egregious things that happened 10 years ago are inconsequential to our lives today.
Remind Yourself: Suffering is Optional. Even in the most difficult times, there’s an opportunity for levity. If you’re feeling frustrated, think of the people around you – I bet they could use your sense of humor or a reminder that this, too, shall pass.

Hey, leaders. We’re all in this together. Here’s to committing ourselves to getting better so that we can positively influence the world around us.

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Perspective Shift

“I didn’t realize that.”

I found myself repeating this phrase recently while strolling through an artist’s exhibit in Chicago. As I was learning their process and method, it dawned on me that while I appreciate art and am a content observer, listening to the artist presented a whole new learning realm. It was exciting!

Later that evening, I reflected on the experience and thought about how fixated I can get on my own perspective, and how a subtle shift could be so enlightening.

 

If you’re like me, maybe you’ve found yourself getting comfortable in your own perspective from time to time. This can show up as a lack of curiosity, a disinterest in new knowledge, or even an overstatement of your awareness – such as “I know that already.” The reality is that our learning is never complete.

 

When we’re not stretching our perspective and growing our knowledge base, we become complacent and dull. We even risk being ignorant and irrelevant.

 

To stay fresh and learn continuously, we can all commit to actions that help us enhance our perspective, and – quite possibly – open our mind:

Understand the work of your colleagues. It’s quite easy to become siloed at work, yet when you take the time to learn other business functions you begin to see how the pieces of the puzzle work together.


Read beyond business literature. Some of the greatest lessons in life are buried in fiction.


Watch a different news channel. Isn’t it funny how cable news can be an echo chamber? Spend a week watching a different channel to gain a broader perspective on how news events are interpreted.


Talk to someone who you disagree with. Listen with an open mind and seek to understand (not to be understood).


Go to a museum … especially one you’re not drawn to. If you don’t “get” art, spend a few hours trying to “get it.” Often our lack of understanding has nothing to do with our intellectual ability and more to do with our inability to be curious and appreciative.


Use the iBooks or Kindle app on your phone to read while you wait. Personally, I’ve switched from “Facebooking” to reading and I’ve found my downtime more inspired.

As leaders, learning can happen anytime, anyplace, and anywhere. We don’t have to wait for the right moments – we can seek them out each day. 

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How to Make Yourself Irreplaceable

“This guy is irreplaceable,” my client, an HR Leader, shared with me prior to a conversation I was going to have with one of the organization’s IT executives.

I love it when people are described as “irreplaceable.” It reminds me of a quote my mentor once shared, “the graveyard is full of irreplaceable people.” So, naturally, I’m a little skeptical to hear business leaders put their employees on unreasonably high pedestals, but when I met this guy I understood what she met. The organization would be hard pressed to find someone to fill his shoes.

Within the first five minutes, it was clear he indexed high on emotional intelligence, just by the way he engaged in conversation. He shared his background, which was pretty diverse and highlighted that he never shied away from experiences. When he described the projects he was working on, I was impressed by the innovation. He then started talking about the organizations he was affiliated with, as well as the conferences he planned on attending. This gentleman clearly had put a lot of thought into his career development.

After our meeting, I circled back with the HR Leader and agreed with her assessment – he was a very valuable employee. She then proceeded to tell me all the steps she and her team were taking to retain him.

When our conversation was over, I thought about how many professionals I knew who would be thrilled if their company put this level of attention into retaining them. I then thought about the behaviors any professional, at any employment level, could demonstrate to be seen as highly valuable to their employer. Here are 5 behaviors to make yourself “irreplaceable” in your organization:

1. Have a Positive Attitude. There are plenty of talented, intelligent professionals who are held back by their inability either to work well with others or set an inspiring example through their outlook and attitude. A fool-proof way to ensure a spot on any team is to be positive while ensuring language and actions are aligned with the organization’s culture.
2. Understand How Your Organization Makes Money. To be irreplaceable, you have to understand how your business makes money and figure out how your role connects to results. Over time, learn how you can take initiative to either grow revenue or save on costs. If you can impact your businesses’ bottom line, you’re highly valuable.
3. Be Open to Experience. Curiosity and an open mind will get you pretty far in life – throughout your career, you collect experiences, which can be invaluable to both you and your employer. Going back to the IT Executive, he didn’t climb a career ladder per se – he was on the career jungle gym, which meant that he had a breadth of experiences he could pull from to inform his perspective. You can’t fake experience; you have to be open to it and grow from it. Your experience is your job security, so be intentional about developing it.
4. Lead Your Career. While developing your career, grow your network and expand your knowledge. You’ll discover that relationships become increasingly more important as your career matures, so make a point to build rapport with those inside and outside of your industry. Likewise, ensure that along the way you’re developing skills and knowledge so you’re able to be in a position to innovate.
5. Initiate and Execute. You will always be valuable if you’re able to follow through on the ideas you propose. Action is key. I can’t stress this enough. I’ve facilitated too many meetings with HR representatives who differentiate high potentials simply by their ability to get “stuff” done.
While this list is not exhaustive, it’ll get you on the right path. It’s important to note, too, that these are behaviors – not talents that you either are or aren’t born with. If you’re seeking to either be that sought-after talent, or a job-secure employee, consider how you can build these behaviors into your work routine.
If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.–Bruce Lee

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B Student

This year has been a year of personal distraction. My husband, Matt Morgan, has been running for Congress – the US House of Representatives. So in addition to leading Lead Star, I’ve been running myself ragged volunteering for the campaign, while working to ensure Matt’s race doesn’t impact the goals of our kids (which mainly include sports participation and social life activities.) 

If I were to rate myself in every area of my life, I’d give myself a B. I’m spread pretty thin, so giving something my 150% attention doesn’t happen. (I’m not even going to talk about the state of laundry in my house, or the grocery situation – the other day, I realized I didn’t have bread or flour. Those are staples, my mom reminded me … or lectured me … or chastised me … I’m still trying to figure that one out.) 

I recently decided that “being spread to thin” for too long isn’t a place I want to linger in. Being a B student can pass, but it’s not excellent.  Excellence is something I strive for, so to dwell in B territory, especially when I know I’m better, is incredibly dissatisfying. 

Now that the election is only a few weeks away, I’m daydreaming about Nov 7., the day after we get to vote. Regardless of the election outcome, I know one thing for sure: I get to find my groove again. 

If we were to be 100% honest with ourselves, we all find periods of life where we’re distracted – where there are heavy things going on in our worlds that need attention, yet we’re not in a position to drop any of the balls that we’re juggling. So we keep adding to the chaos, adding to our calendar, adding to our commitments to the point when we’re not able to be our best because we just don’t have the time … or focus … or energy. So, what do we do? 

Take the Long View. Recognize that this is a period of your life. It doesn’t characterize your life. It’s just a very busy chapter. Acknowledge it for what it is and constantly ask “If I were to look back on this period two years from now, what would I tell myself?” Perspective often helps us refocus on what we need to be doing right now to manage all that’s going on in our lives. 
Acknowledge Uncomfortable Truths. I know many of us become defensive when others point out to us that we’re overwhelmed. Don’t try to hide the fact that you’re not performing at your best. Be accountable for it. Don’t make excuses; just make a commitment that you’ll work to do better. 
Don’t Make Excuses. For a hot minute, I would tell myself “Maybe my B is someone else’s ‘A.’” What I was trying to do is let myself off the hook by saying that my good is actually pretty great. We all know what it looks and feels like to perform at our best. Don’t try to tell your ego one thing in order for it to be better. Be honest with your performance and compare yourself against the only person who matters – you. Have high expectations and work to exceed them. 
Recommit to Excellence. Work to envision when you can get back to a new routine; a better, more focused routine. Then, have a plan when you get there so you can deliver a performance you’re proud of.

Being your best matters. For one, it builds pride. It also inspires confidence, which puts you in the arena for greater opportunities. 

I can’t wait until next semester – I’m going to be gunning for straight A’s!

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The Big, Annoying “But”

Have you ever received a backhanded compliment? “You’re a really great presenter, but with more experience, you’ll be better.”

Or, have you ever received feedback that was well-intentioned, but just rubbed you the wrong way? “The project you put together is excellent, but before it gets submitted it just has to get a grammar review.” 

Those “buts” are just annoying. Why are they there, anyway? I get it … conjunction, junction, what’s your function, hooking up words and phrases and clauses….

But if you recall the song, there are other words that connect ideas – and I can think of one, in particular, that could transform the sentiment of these sentences. That word is “and.” Go on, try it right now with those sentences.

It’s okay to use “but” to connect your thoughts. However, when you’re giving people feedback, it just doesn’t invite. I know that when I hear a positive statement, followed by the word “but,” it negates everything positive that I’ve just heard.

Here are some additional ideas to ensure your feedback is delivered in a way that inspires, versus alienates: 

When you give people feedback, be purposeful. Think about how you want them to feel, and what you want them to do differently before you deliver it. Considering the receiver’s perspective will help you deliver your message more effectively.
Sometimes, there’s no need for a “but” or “and.” Maybe positive feedback should stand alone. The same goes for negative feedback. If you want to tell someone in the moment that they did a great job, and you want them to feel pride, give the praise … and stop there. If you have development ideas for them, save it for later.
Consider who the feedback is for. Is it for you to ensure that you’re holding people accountable, or is it for them to grow and develop? Ideally, it’s for both, but sometimes feedback is delivered in a manner that satisfies the sender’s ego … but doesn’t inspire the receiver to develop.

Sometimes the smallest tweaks in our communication can have a transformative impact between us and others.

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To Record … or Not Record?

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about what the circumstances would have to be if I were to record a private conversation. 

I’m only coming up with one answer:

None. (Not entirely true*) 

I don’t think there are any circumstances where I would privately record a conversation without telling the other party. 

Even if … 

– My boss was inappropriate 

– My colleagues were verbally abusive 

– I was privy to a situation where ethics were in question 

I feel there are other courses of action than to abuse what I believe is the most sacred thing among relationships: Trust. 

When I was a midshipman at the University of Michigan, preparing to become a Marine officer, I learned the simplest, and possibly the best, phrase to guide me through life: 

                               A midshipman does not lie, cheat or steal. 

What great advice to receive at 18 when I was on my own, without parental over watch, and the temptations to lie, cheat or steal were more in my face than ever before. 

At this impressionable and important stage in my life, I was learning the foundations of integrity. I was understanding that with integrity, I could be a person of sound character. Without it, I would be a disappointment to myself and others. 

So, back to the recording. There are too many headlines lately about secret tapes, secret meetings, and secret recordings. My guidance is that if you ever feel like you need to record anything sensitive without the other person’s permission, check in with yourself first so you can understand your motivation:

 

– Are you doing it to self-preserve or self-protect? 

– Are you doing it to embarrass or defame? 

If your answer is “yes” to any of these, think about a better course of action. If things are really bad at work, quit. If you’re really trying to trash someone’s character, know that the recording says more about you than it does about the other person. No one wins in a character war.  If you’re observing something unethical, confront the situation or, when appropriate, escalate to someone who can do something about it.

We all have to live with ourselves in the end. When we take the high road, we’ll never be disappointed. 

*I would secretly record a conversation if I knew that the tape would do something critically important for mankind – prevent nuclear war, expose human traffickers, foil a terrorist attack. Of course, if I was in the position to record any of these details, I’d probably be some sort of paid spy. And I’m not … just your friendly leadership development consultant.

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Don’t Make People Have to Ask for Help

While our team often prides ourselves in doling out guidance, we often get some incredible insight from our audience.  

 

Recently, I delivered a keynote and a manager came up to me after to share her story about how she’s led in her life and how others have led her.  She talked about experiencing great adversity, but having a strong support network that encouraged her.  She pointed out that when we’re struggling, it’s difficult to ask for help and how wonderful it was that her network didn’t make her have to ask for it.  This not only inspired her during her darkest times, but it motivated her to take action because she knew she had a fan club cheering for her.  

 

Every single one of us has had a bad day, discouraging week, or a dismal year.  So when you see that dark cloud following someone around, let this be your call to action:

Invite them to coffee and focus the conversation on them.  Ask questions.  Listening can inform you on how you can help.
Write a note to them.  Share what you have observed, remind them of their talents, and make an offer to be a resource to them as needed.
Invest in the relationship.  Don’t just have a one-time conversation about their troubles, reach out to them routinely and give them constant encouragement.
Don’t enable the person – empower them.  Also, don’t take on their troubles.  They don’t need pity – they need support!  Be empathetic, but also be strong.  They need a leader right now and that leader is you.

A good leader helps others in need.  A great leader anticipates the needs of others and initiates action. What are you waiting for? 

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The Workplace Funk

The workplace funk – do you know what it is?  No, it’s not the moldy sandwich in the shared refrigerator that is stinking up the break room.  Nor is it a fancy jingle – set to the tune of “Uptown Funk” – to describe a spirited workplace experience.  

 

It’s actually that tired and burnt out feeling that even the most talented professionals can experience.

 

You know, it starts on a Monday morning, where you’re dragging your heels on your way to work. And then by Wednesday, it feels like responding to emails takes about as much energy as running a marathon.

 

I know this feeling – and I’ve spoken to many professionals who know it, too.  The workplace funk isn’t leadership behavior because it inspires no one.  It needs to be addressed before it damages the reputation you’ve been building carefully as a professional.

 

The best news I have for you is that there’s a cure for it.  Several, actually!  But they all center on you and your ability to manage yourself (and your life) so you can work your way out of it.

 

Here are a few tips on how to get out of your funk and back into a better reality:

 

Small Things:

Clean your desk.  I know, I know – no one needs another mother.  But a cluttered workspace creates a cluttered mind. Sometimes all you need to be productive and positive is a clean, neat, and inspiring place to work from.
Fill your mind with inspiration.  I’ve got to admit, that when I listen to too much news, I walk away depressed about the state of the world, which impacts my energy level.  I certainly read up on current events, but I don’t dwell on them.  I’ve taken to listening to inspiring music and fun podcasts on my way to work, which significantly alters my state of mind. (I’ve been listening to a lot to TED Radio Hour– this is where some of the great minds share their thoughts.)
Keep a journal.  This sounds cheesy, but I just started keeping a gratitude journal. Each day I write down three things I’m grateful for and I find that this simple reflection exercise makes me smile. Research shows that if you focus on things that make you happy, you can positively impact the level of happiness you experience.
Rewrite your script.  We tend to view our routine as obligations; when we do, we start to resent the things we have to do.  I have to go to work.  I have to drop off the kids at practice.  Rewrite your script – start sentences with “I have the opportunity to … .”  Reframing your dialogue can shift your attitude in an instant.
Take a day off.  Sometimes all it takes is one day, focused on you, to get you back into the swing of things.  We work so hard – and we mistakenly believe that we’re computers and can bring the same level of intensity to whatever we’re doing whenever we’re doing it.  We just can’t.  Take a break – you probably need one!

Big Things:

Take a break.  And maybe you need more than a day.  Burnout is real and it happens to the best of us.  As you look into the near future, maybe you need to take some time off to rejuvenate so you can come back stronger.
Pay attention.  And maybe it’s more than a break you need.  Pay attention to your thoughts and ideas – maybe a bigger change is needed.  There are always career mentors you can connect with to have important dialogues.

There is so much we can do to shift our attitude so we see possibility (versus overload).  And sometimes the smallest things can produce the greatest impact.  So, start today – and with conscious effort, you can be leading yourself out of the workplace funk and towards a better future.

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Not the Loudest Person in the Room?

We have a range of talents on Team Lead Star.  We all fancy ourselves as performers, of sorts, when we’re facilitating learning sessions.  Yet, only one of us has truly performed in theater, Ben Whiting.  

 

Ben and I were developing curriculum recently for a course designed to help executives project a “command presence,” and one thing Ben offered from his training struck a chord with me:

 

“It’s not the loudest voice in a room that gets heard.  It’s the clearest.”

 

This resonated with me, as I’m never the loudest person in a room, and I don’t have a big, booming voice. But, I do have a voice and I want to be heard.  

 

On the road, I’ve met many leaders like me – they may never be the life of a party, or own the room just by their presence.  But they have opinions, thoughts, and ideas that, when heard, add value to conversations, as well as improve decisions before they’re made.  

 

If this sounds at all like you, here are a few things you can do to ensure your voice is heard:

Be Prepared.  Before meetings, review agendas, do research, know the topic that you’re going to be discussing inside and out.  Form opinions and thoughts independent of group think.  Ensure you’re ready to contribute when the time is right.
Lean In.  Don’t sit back and wait to be called on.  Lean forward, lean in, to discussions so that you appear engaged.  Our nonverbal communicate more than our words, so make sure you’re sending the right signals.
Develop Interjections.  Have a handful of phrases ready that you can use to insert your thoughts/ideas.  Simple phrases such as:

I’d like to add to the conversation …
Perhaps we can look at this from this view …
I have a point that might run counter, but could be considered …
Here’s a thought I have…

Sometimes a conversation is like jump rope … you have to find the right moment to get in the game and, when the time is right, don’t hesitate.

Assert Yourself.  In discussions, conversations rarely pause for a new idea to enter.  Use your interjections to insert your thoughts/ideas into the conversation. Don’t wait your turn.   It may never come.
Comment Before Wrap Up.  If you haven’t had a chance to contribute before the meeting or conversation wraps up, don’t let the dialogue close before you’re done offering up what you have to say.  Often a simple, “Hey, before I leave, I wanted to make a few points …” can at least allow you to offer your opinions before others move on from the topic.

Being clear, when you can’t – or choose not to be – loud, takes time and practice.  With a small amount of effort, you can begin to speak up, share, and add value to conversations in ways that might even surprise you.

 

PS:  If you’re running meetings, make space for the quietest person in the room to contribute. They might have a winning idea that they may not have developed the courage to express. 

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