Danielle Steel's Blog, page 58

Being Cranky About Our Legal System? Or Is There a Better Way?

Hi, Everyone……I don’t want to be one of those cranky people who mutter about what’s wrong with our way of life or legal system, but I do think there is one aspect that could use some rethinking. Although I think that there is very probably a valid place for the system of contingency lawyers, for people who have no money to pay for legal assistance, and genuinely need help. Legal help can cost a fortune, and for instance for those who have a serious accident and no money to pursue it, contingency lawyers can be a Godsend to help right serious wrongs and reward people for injuries and bad things that have been done to them. But like any other system, I believe it is sometimes, maybe even often, abused, by clients with less than admirable motives, or even motivated by pure greed.

The contingency system, as it exists now, means that if you have a problem and want to sue someone, you go to a contingency lawyer and you can hire him, essentially for free. However long the case takes to resolve, the lawyer does not charge you for his time, and charges you no fee. If you win whatever amount you are suing someone for, the lawyer takes a percentage of whatever you get in the end. And if you lose, he gets nothing. And if you get a settlement instead of winning the lawsuit, the lawyer gets a percentage of that, in lieu of a fee. It is a gamble for both attorney and client, with more risk for the attorney than the client. If the client wins his or her case, they make some money, either to cover their injuries or damages, and if they lose, the whole procedure costs them nothing. It’s a lottery ticket of sorts, where you can only win or break even, you can’t lose financially. If you win, the contingency lawyer gets a hefty percentage of the proceeds to cover the time he or she invested in your case. And if you lose, the lawyer loses out, has spent their time on the case, and gets nothing. But since most lawsuits end in settlements, the lawyer almost always gets paid something, as they get a percentage of the settlement. In fact, I think most attorneys and clients don’t expect to win a case anymore, they count on getting a settlement, to pay them off before the matter ever goes to court. Insurance companies if sued for instance will almost always settle to avoid the cost, time, and headache of going to court for an expensive lawsuit, or even a less expensive one. So both contingency attorney and client expect to come out ahead on these procedures, usually with a settlement, or a win in court.

What I don’t like about this system (despite the benefits to genuinely worthy people whose only recourse to legal help is in a contingency lawsuit, because they can’t afford to pay a lawyer) is that it is a very appealing system to some less honorable people who are looking for money where there is no risk to them. If they lose the case, it has cost them nothing. This system has in fact induced many people to bring sometimes frivolous lawsuits, since it won’t cost them a penny, they’ll either win or get a settlement, and if they lose, they walk away with it having not cost them a dime. That’s a very appealing system, which I believe is frequently abused.

In other countries, like France or England, in a similar situation where you bring a lawsuit against someone, if the person suing loses the law suit in court, they have to pay not only their own attorney fees, but the legal fees of the person they sued. There are no contingency lawyers in France or England (or possibly all of Europe). It makes people bringing a lawsuit give it some serious thought, bring lawsuits far more responsibly, and not just take a flying leap at some money. If it’s liable to cost them money if they lose, people are far more likely to be serious, thoughtful, responsible and more honorable about suing someone, and not just do it for the hell of it, because it’s free. For a person suing someone else under our contingency system, it really is a lottery ticket and a great no-risk way to make some money.

As I said, I am sure that there are many people who use this system responsibly, and honorably, particularly indigent people. But there are many, many people who use this system to sue others just for the hell of it and see what they’ll get. If they had to take the risk of paying the other person’s legal fees if they lose that suit, they would think more carefully about bringing a lawsuit. I really do think there should be some risk to the person suing too. We have become known around the world as a litigious society and country who bring lawsuits at the drop of a hat, for nearly anything—not always, there are always valid lawsuits that should be brought—-but far too often. Personally, I have had lawsuits brought against me, frivolously, just because people thought they’d get something out of it. I would be the first one to pay up, if I thought I had hurt someone or damaged them, but a system that costs the sue-er nothing is just too appealing and strong temptation to greedy dishonorable people.

Two instances stand out in my mind. Years ago, I had an employee who got rear-ended on the way to work. He came to work in fine spirits, delighted with the experience and entirely uninjured. He thought it was great news and announced that he was going to sue the other driver and claim that he was injured. He wanted me to confirm that he was injured and unable to work, which I wouldn’t. He was fully prepared to be entirely dishonest about it, and thrilled that he was going to get a contingency lawyer that would cost him nothing to pursue it. He had nothing to lose with a contingency lawyer, and everything to gain from either a settlement or a lawsuit. I thought it was despicable of him to lie about it, but a contingency lawyer did take his case, and I believe he got a settlement, and was very happy with it.

The second instance was when I went to a movie with a friend, also many years ago. He bought a candy bar, bit into it, and found that there was a little piece of twig in the candy bar (it had peanuts in it). He was also thrilled, suffered no injury and happily announced that he was going to sue the candy company, claiming injury and all kinds of emotional distress. He hired a contingency lawyer and won a nice settlement and he was thrilled. I thought a lot less of both these people after watching them in action, and knowing their intentions, in both cases based on pure greed, and facilitated by contingency lawyers who took their cases.

I think we need a system which is more fair, and has some teeth in it, that will discourage the casual, greedy ‘sue-ers’. We just make it too easy for them, with lawyers who will work for free and only a percentage of the winnings——and with no obligation to pay anything if they lose. We deserve our reputation as frivolous sue-ers in this country, with people who will sue for damn near anything because it’s so easy and cost-free. And people with money, and even some without become easy targets and victims of this system. I think we need to change the system so that a person who sues, whether responsibly or not, needs to pay the other guy’s legal fees if they lose, and their own. It would rapidly unclog the courts, and ensure that only people who have a serious and worthy claim would bring lawsuits. And perhaps the indigent could be exempt from paying fees if they lose, but everyone else should be responsible in a lawsuit, and not have it be quite so easy. I’d rather buy a lottery ticket than sue someone unfairly and irresponsibly, as a way of making money, just because it’s free to sue them.  End of cranky speech.

Love,  Danielle

September in Paris

Hi Everyone,

I’m sitting in my Paris kitchen, with my second cup of decaf this morning, thinking about the fall, and enjoying a quiet moment on a peaceful weekend. The days are still warm, but there’s a nip of fall in the air at night, and it’s starting to get chilly.  It’s beautiful in Paris in the fall (when isn’t it beautiful in Paris? I love it at all times of the year, it’s still my favorite city in the world, and a wonderful place to live).

We flew through the summer with vacations, birthdays, holidays, a family vacation, and a wedding, and now we’re all back to work or school, and settling back into ‘real life’. In France, just about the whole country, rich or poor, takes vacation in July, or August, for a whole month. You are legally entitled to five weeks of vacation per year, so with friends going away for a whole month, you lose track of people in June when they go away, and don’t catch up with them again until September, when everyone is finally back. And there’s a back to school atmosphere, of everyone finding each other again, and happy to catch up on news.  I usually give a dinner in June before everyone leaves for the summer, and then I give one again when we all get back. I came back to France on the (American) Labor Day weekend, which is about when the French come home too. And I gave a buffet dinner for 24 friends, with music played by the musicians I compose songs with (and write lyrics for), and we danced and laughed and talked and ate, and were happy to see each other again after the summer. A busy one in my case, with the wedding only a few weeks ago.

I had lots of errands to do for the house, really exciting glamourous stuff, like getting my vacuum cleaner repaired, or getting things fixed for my kids, clearing my desk, taking my clothes to the dry cleaner. Admit it, I lead an exciting life!!!  And then I got to do something fun, other than just catching up with friends, I went to the Antique Biennale, which happens once every two years. It’s a fabulous antique show, probably one of the best in the world, where the best high end antique dealers (and even dealers of antique jewelry)  from all over the world set up stands to show their beautiful wares. The quality is extraordinary, worthy of a museum, and the prices exorbitant. I don’t buy anything there, but it’s fun just to see it, and it’s beautifully displayed. Some of the ‘stands’ cost a million dollars to build, I’m told. Each one looks like a beautiful antique store, and the whole event is held in the Grand Palais, which I’ve mentioned to you before, as it’s a favorite location for the finest exhibits and events in Paris. It’s a 200 year old glass structure that was restored a few years ago and is absolutely spectacular. And so was the Biennale show. I went with a group of friends, to the preview dinner, which was a black tie event, and that really was glamourous, in contrast to my everyday life!! It was a Cinderella evening, and I had a great time there with my friends, checking out all the antiques.

Other than that, I’m attacking my closets again, and figured out a way to get 3 more here (by moving tools, some linens, and my daughters’ clothes to another location in the apartment, and stealing those closets for me.) YIPPEEE!!!!! More closets. There couldn’t be a better gift, and my handyman is here today moving shelves and adding closet poles to hang things on. I love getting new closets!!! And two days ago, I went to Ikea, which is one of my favorite places. I LOVE that store, you can find absolutely everything there for incredibly low prices. I even found a rug I love for $200.  I had as much fun there (maybe more) as at the fancy antique show, and I staggered home with a van full of stuff that is useful and good looking (a red lacquer book case!!), and spent very little money. I felt extremely virtuous and love what I got!! I love spending the day at Ikea, and with such great results!!

This week I have some lunches and dinners planned with friends and family, and am going to a ‘chocolate club’ I’m invited to every three months, where you get to taste all kinds of chocolates. People are very serious about it, like a wine tasting, and I come home after trying way too many chocolates!!! Yummmm!!!

And September is a mixed blessing for me, fun things to do, friends to see after the summer, some social events like the antique show……and on a far more serious note, the worst day of the year for me: the anniversary of my son’s death, a sad date that remains painful and hard to get through, even after 15 years. (He died at 19). There are no good ways to get through those dates, I’ve tried everything. It is the anniversary of a tragic event and the worst day of my life, and the whole family goes into shock and mourning over it every year. No matter where I am, or what I do, it’s an unbearably sad day, and you just have to get through it. It’s a day that I dread every year. Some of us usually try to be together on that date, but any way you do it, it’s tough. I will spend it quietly, as I do every year.

And I’m working on a new book. The summer is over. It’s back to work for me. So the back to school atmosphere is real for me, with lots of ‘homework’ to do, as I start a new book for you. I hope the fall is off to a great start for you, and that the summer went well and you had some time to relax. I’m happy to be back to work, although I enjoyed some time off with my kids this summer. And now, welcome back to fall, when the pace picks up, and we all get busy again!! Take good care.

Love, Danielle

Responses To My Readers

To those of you who wrote to congratulate me on my daughter’s wedding: thank you for your good wishes and prayers for a happy marriage. I was very touched to read what you said, and for your loving comments.  And to those who wanted to see a picture of the bride—-we don’t have the wedding pictures yet, but when we get them, I’ll try to find a nice one and post it later. She was a beautiful bride!!!

One of you asked if I ever teach classes. And I actually used to be a teacher. My first job ever was as a translator, in French and English. My second was in advertising, as a copywriter. And my third was as a teacher. I taught English and Creative Writing to High School juniors and seniors, mostly seniors. It was a major learning experience for me, and what I discovered is that it is not enough to have a skill, that doesn’t mean you can teach it. Teaching is a whole other talent, and I have enormous respect and admiration for teachers. And to be honest, at the time, I was a lousy teacher!! I taught in two private high schools in San Francisco, for three years. And I was actually too young to do it. I was about 23 years old then, and my students were only five years younger than I was. Do you remember how there is always some poor teacher who is being badgered by her students and unable to control them? That was me. I started dreading going to my classes. They teased me, they talked throughout the class, they didn’t do their homework, they flirted with me. And more than once, a kind and very experienced teacher who had the classroom next door came in to rescue me from my students, scold them into behaving, and then of course, all hell would break loose again the moment she walked out the door. She had an amazing talent for teaching, and I didn’t. And I had absolutely no idea how to control my students, and they knew it.

There were times when I enjoyed it, but not often. Most of the time, I just tried to survive it and prayed they wouldn’t humiliate me. I enjoyed the writing assignments and some of what they wrote. And a few of my students had real talent. And I hope that I taught them something useful. One of my students actually went on to become a writer, and has very kindly attributed his early interest in writing to me. (Ethan Canin). But I think very few of them would have said I was a good teacher.

I used one interesting tool to try to illustrate to them what writing is about: a trust walk. I divided my class into pairs, blindfolded one person in each pair, and told them to walk around the school with their partners. It was the job of the un-blindfolded one to explain to the blindfolded one what was happening around them, who was there, who was talking, what they were doing, what the room or hallway looked like, who was in it, where they were going. The un-blindfolded guide would forget to tell them major details, to watch a step, or a staircase, to watch out for a sharp corner or a wall. Within minutes the student with the blindfold would be frustrated beyond belief, confused about who was around them, what they were doing, and who was talking, and sometimes the one wearing the blindfold would get angry at their guide, over the lack of information. A few even stumbled and fell, for lack of better information and guidance. And when they all got back to the classroom, I explained that the guide is like a writer. If a writer doesn’t give you clear information and good descriptions, the reader has no idea what’s going on, gets confused, loses the thread of the story, and gets frustrated as they “fall down stairs and walk into walls”. The reader is like the blindfolded person, and if you don’t tell them what’s going on, it’s no fun at all. Their writing actually improved after that, and it brought the point home to them better than anything I could have said. That was probably the only clever tool I used in my teaching. Beyond that, I was a pretty unexciting teacher. I just didn’t have the experience or the skill to do it well.  I’ve often thought that I’d like to try again, now that I’m all grown up and the students wouldn’t scare me. But my talent still doesn’t lie in teaching. I’m a writer not a teacher, and I think I’ll stick to what I know best, and leave teaching to the people who really have the skill and talent to do it, far better than I could. And I’ve never taught a class since then.  After my teaching experience, I decided to go into full time writing. But now and then I run into someone who was one of my students.   And seriously, hats off to all of you out there who are teachers!!! That’s a tough job, and hard to make it exciting, and make a subject come alive to the students. I had some great teachers when I was in school, and I still remember fondly the subjects they taught me. In my French school, two years of Latin was required, and I hated the first year, but the second year I had a fabulous Latin teacher, and as a result, I took 7 years of Latin. Now THAT’s a teacher!!!!!

Love, Danielle

 

A Perfect Bride

Hi Everyone,

Although we’ve been winding up for one of my daughters’ wedding for the past six months, I’ve been very quiet about it. Maybe out of superstition, but it just seemed smarter not to talk a lot about it until it was over. But we’ve been slowly laying plans for it and organizing it, for these many months. The wedding took place last Saturday, in our San Francisco home.

The first and most noticeable and remarkable thing about it was the fact that not only was my daughter not ‘Bride-zilla’, but she was so ridiculously easy to work with, so sensible and reasonable, that every decision was made in about 5 minutes, with no fuss, no muss, no bother. She had a vision for her wedding, and as she often sets the stage for photo shoots in the fashion world, she’s good at visualizing things, and with her sister’s help (who also works in fashion, in design), they had some fabulous ideas, and I was afraid they might create something ‘over the top’. They didn’t. If something was too complicated, not available, too difficult to achieve, or too expensive, they gave up on it immediately, and the bride moved on to another idea. A couple of times I braced myself for what I was sure would be arguments about details, only to be faced with a 30 second conversation that ended in “That’s fine, Mom.” Huh? What? It is?….it was astounding. Had no one told her Brides are supposed to be difficult? She never was. She was a dream.

She initially wanted a garden setting in upstate New York, which sounded beautiful and impractical. We live in San Francisco and Paris, and I have a wonderfully creative staff in California—-planning a wedding 3,000 miles from either of our homes sounded like a major challenge. My daughter Vanessa, the bride to be, drove around the area in upstate New York, and found the locations difficult, expensive, no great hotels near at hand, and complicated to get to, especially for many guests coming from Europe, so within weeks she decided to get married at home in San Francisco, which was infinitely easier, and more meaningful for all of us.  She decided on a very small wedding, with fewer than 100 people, and wanted only family (we have a big one!!) and their closest friends. So the cast of characters and the location were set almost immediately, in optimal conditions, which rapidly set the tone for everything else.

She knew who she wanted to make her dress, and she fell in love with the first one she tried on (and it looked fantastic on her. It was extremely simple and elegant, with a slightly old fashioned feeling to it. long sleeves, high neck, slim fitting, with a small bustle in back and a short train. It was all exquisitely embroidered, and I talked her into wearing a veil)…And the whole wedding was like that. Piece by piece it all fell into place, naturally and quietly, like a puzzle taking shape. And I was stunned by how calm she was. She works extremely hard and would call me between business trips and meetings, and make one more decision, always choosing the simplest route. I thought mothers and daughters were supposed to have fierce arguments over weddings, we were supposed to hate each other long before she walked down the aisle. Instead, we got closer and actually enjoyed making plans together, and did most of it long distance. The only time I gulped hard was when she decided to turn my living room into a dining room, to make the house look ‘different’. I don’t like it when someone moves a book on a shelf, or a plant, the idea of emptying my living room of furniture and turning it into a dining room with two long tables had me hyperventilating for a minute, but in the end, it worked out perfectly and looked absolutely gorgeous. I almost wanted to keep it that way forever. By June, two months before the wedding, all the plans were set, and the only thing left to do was the seating of the guests who accepted the wedding. The rest was all done. There would be lots of details to attend to, to make sure that it all went according to plan, but everything that could be predicted had been, we’d even had a delicious tasting of the food for the wedding (and sampled 15 kinds of wedding cake. She chose two—-I of course gobbled large portions of all 15….mphhhh…..yummy…..try that one!!! She wound up choosing a simple vanilla, and a double chocolate).

I won’t deny that the last few weeks before the wedding were hectic. In fact extremely so, but not because of her. Every wedding, no matter how large or small has a myriad component parts. She opted not to have bridesmaids, although she has 4 sisters, but had her 6 nieces and nephews instead, who are between 3 and 7 and were incredibly cute. We had to choose their dresses, shoes to match, try the dresses and suits on squirming children, and make sure the shoes fit. We had to make sure the menu was right, the wine had been ordered, that we were recording the responses properly. There was a DJ and a band. Place cards were done in calligraphy. Party favors for each guest had to be wrapped. Play lists of the songs they wanted, the vows to be written, the photographer and videographer reconfirmed, hotel reservations for the out of town guests, what music to play when she walked into the service, conversations with the minister, the wedding license to be obtained…..by a week before the wedding, I was waking up at 5 am every night, thinking of everything that could go wrong. And a lot could have, but miraculously nothing did. But I don’t think I slept more than 2 hours a night in those last weeks, although she looked remarkably calm.

Four days before the wedding, the festivities began, with cocktails at one son’s home, dinner at another’s, a big friendly relaxed family dinner with Mexican food, we all danced together and had a ball. And the next day, relatives and friends from Europe arrived, and those from New York. And the following day, I had a small relaxed dinner in an Italian restaurant for my friends who came. There were only 8 of us and it got things off to a nice start. I forgot to mention that the week before, my furniture was removed from my living room while I tried not to complain (or cry). And the Monday before the wedding, an army of men arrived to build a wooden structure just outside my house, where the wedding ceremony would take place under a canopy of moss and branches, and an archway of white flowers, all lit by candle light.

The night before the wedding, the groom’s mother gave a beautiful rehearsal dinner in an art gallery filled with photographs, overlooking the San Francisco Bay. It was beautiful and different and fun. There were 89 wedding guests in all, almost half of them family and the rest friends, and only three from San Francisco, everyone else from out of town.

The day of the wedding dawned, while I worried about every imaginable detail of the wedding. I was probably the Bride-zilla not the bride. All of my children hung around the house together, relaxing and talking and laughing, and around 3pm, things got serious. Hair dressers and makeup artists arrived, dresses were being steamed for everyone in the house (all my kids and their significant others were at home). The girls had manicures that morning, and I checked the flowers as they were installed. Everything was on track. We’d had a rehearsal the night before, and no one could remember what order we were supposed to walk in. And every man in the house was struggling with his bow tie, since the wedding was black tie (in tuxedos), and I have no idea why, but although men wear tuxes many times in their lives, they always forget how to tie their ties, and need help. And then suddenly I was dressed (in a navy blue taffeta strapless gown), and the bride calmly began getting dressed at 6 o’clock. She put on her beautiful dress, wore very little make up, and had her hair parted in the middle and put up in a small bun. I leant her a lace hankie to put around her small bouquet of lily of the valley. She had her something old (earrings she had borrowed, that filled that requirement too), something new (her dress), etc all in order. And her veil was totally simple, lay flat on her head, and stretched back over her train. She looked like a Madonna as we went downstairs. The wedding was due to start at 7:30, and the guests had arrived. Moments later, the family proceeded down the aisle from the house to the pergola outside, and took their seats. A dear friend of mine, a minister, was doing the wedding, and she and the groom were waiting under the archway of white flowers. And the groom looked as spectacular as his bride, a handsome young man in white tie and tails. And the courtyard and pergola were lit by candles on a moonlit night. I was the last to take my seat, and a moment later, Vanessa came down the aisle, a vision of beauty on this long awaited moment, as she walked down the aisle on her brother Maxx’s arm, and walked toward her soon to be husband, also named Max.

The ceremony was very moving, the setting as beautiful as we had hoped it would be, and the bridal couple touching as they exchanged vows, became husband and wife and kissed. It was an unforgettable moment for us all.

And when we moved back into the house an hour later, my transformed living room had two long tables covered in lace table cloths, with tall candles, and white flowers of different heights. It was a magical setting once again as people chattered and shared in the couple’s joy on this very special night. She had decided against a wedding cake, and had small individual cakes with sugar flowers on them at every place, alternating vanilla and chocolate (I got a chocolate one of course!!). There was dancing all night long, heavy snacks at 2 am, and dancing until 5 am, until exhausted, the party finally wound down after she tossed the bouquet, and the festivities came to an end at last. It had been a perfect evening, the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever seen, and she was the perfect bride. It had taken an army of people to put it together, to create the vision she had had in her head, and it was everything she had dreamed of, and we had wanted to create for her. It was a night filled with love and unforgettable visions and glimpses of a young couple starting out on their life together. May it be long, happy, and filled with blessings, and as easy as the wedding was to plan with such a loving, easy bride.

With all my love, Danielle

Be Back Next Week…

Hi Everyone,

Very exciting time right now!!! The kids are home, family and friends are arriving…wedding week is upon us!  I’ll be back next week with a new blog. Until then…

Love, Danielle

Where Has The Summer Gone?

Hi Everyone,

It feels like the 4th of July, which kicked off the summer, was only 5 minutes ago, and the summer has raced by. And I’ve been busy. As always, I feel like my supposed to be lazy summer was action packed.

Let’s see, what have I done? I came back to France in June, saw lots of friends, and spent two weeks with my children in July, a week of it in the South of France. For the first time in many, many years, we did not spend time on a boat, but relaxed at a hotel we have gone to every year since their childhood. And we had fun together. We’re incredibly lazy when we go on vacation together. We lay in the sun, ate too much, went out for dinner once, and the rest of the time, ate at the hotel. No one went fishing, they all swam every day. The weather was hot, which makes us all lazy. And we had lunch and dinner together every day. And for 5 days of it, there was a Mistral wind, which is a gale force wind, in spite of sunny weather. We laughed a lot, most of us went to bed early, and I lay in the sun in the daytime for many hours (despite my children’s warnings that if I keep doing that, I will one day look like a prune. But I always feel better with a tan).

Other than that, I’ve seen lots of friends this summer, for lunch and dinner. I gave a small cocktail party, and a dinner party (in Paris) for the 4th of July. I haven’t been to any art exhibits, and my favorite auction house in Paris is always closed for three months over the summer. I really miss it when it’s closed.  It will be the end of September when it opens again. I read a book, when I was on vacation with the kids—the only time I read other people’s work is when I’m not writing,—-and it was really fun to read someone else for a change!!!  I visited my favorite church in the South of France, an eleventh century church, with a fourth century chapel, high on a hill, with an incredible view of the Southern coast of France. And I took my new puppy with me to the south this year. It was fun having her along.

Since the kids left, I have done some editing on a book that will be out next year. I’m working on a children’s book—and writing children’s books is harder than you’d imagine. I’m still working on writing lyrics for songs, with 4 composers in Paris. I’ve been doing it for a year, and we’re hoping to get our songs on the Internet, by the end of the year. It has been a fun project, and also a lot of work. We’ve written and composed about 25 songs in the last year.  I’ve made some collages, which I always enjoy doing, and is an artistic outlet for me—-I love anything with words!!!

And this year, exceptionally, I am lucky enough to spend two more weeks with my kids. One of my daughters is getting married, so we’ll all be together, and it will be busy and exciting, with relatives and friends flying in from Europe and all over the place. We haven’t had a wedding in the family for a few years (five or six years, I think), so it’s been a big, exciting event for us, with lots of details for me to take care of and things to plan. So I guess, this has been a pretty busy summer after all!!! And with the wedding, even busier before it’s over.

I hope that your summer has gone well, and that you found time to relax, to go to the beach or the country, or someplace that you love—I hope you found time to read, or fish, or spend time with family or friends, doing whatever you enjoy. It’s nice to recharge your batteries sometimes. Sometimes I wish we could put these summer days on ‘pause’ and enjoy them for longer. I hate to see the summer fly by, but it always does…..and before summer ends (all too soon!!) I really hope you’ve enjoyed yours!!!

Love, Danielle

When Less is More

Hi,

I don’t know why but I was thinking today about a conversation I had with a friend a few years ago, about some of the romantic assumptions one makes in some relationships. And in just about every area of my life, I find that when I make assumptions (often based on too little information, and too few facts—and too much guesswork on my part), I am usually wrong. You really can’t project yourself into someone else’s head. Even if you think you know them well, their reasoning may be completely different from your own. The conversation I was referring to somehow came up on the subject of taking a trip with someone you’re in love with, at their invitation. The friend I was talking to and I had both made the same mistake in years past—when a man invited me on a vacation with him (and it hasn’t happened to me too often, but a couple of times), I immediately thought it was a Big Deal, and they were very serious about the relationship. My friend had made the same assumption in her life, and I’ve heard it from others too. And guess what? In my case anyway, and hers, and some others, we were dead wrong. It wasn’t a sign of major things to come, or that marriage was in the offing—the guys just didn’t want to go on vacation alone. Oh. And it came as a surprise to me when that became clear later on. Sometimes we assume that an act, a gesture or an invitation is loaded with all kinds of meaning it just doesn’t have to someone else. It was a major life lesson to me to discover that was the case. In fact, in one instance, the husband I was separated from suggested a very romantic vacation, in Venice, which I interpreted as his wanting to get back together with me. Wrong again. We had a fabulous vacation in Italy for 3 weeks, only to have him tell me at the end of it that he wanted a divorce, and had invited me on the vacation because I was such good company, and he knew we’d have fun. (Apparently not good company enough, or enough fun, to stay married to). I was crushed to learn that he just thought I’d be fun to vacation with, but not resume our marriage. And I’ve known other women who thought a vacation invitation meant a proposal was in the offing and that just wasn’t the case. It’s not fun to vacation alone, and sometimes men (or women) invite you just as companionship on a holiday, and for no other reason. It would be nice if they made that clear from the beginning, but some people just don’t. So don’t assume anything too quickly if someone you’re dating asks you on vacation. It may be just that, and nothing more, and that person thinks you’re good company for a trip. Personally, I like to know the score before I take off on a trip with anyone. And actually, that trip to Venice cured me, from making assumptions that can be disappointing later, and travelling with men I’m not deeply involved in a relationship with, or married to. I learned my lesson on that the hard way.

Even more weirdly, in my experience, the most ‘effect’ I ever got from a trip, romantically, were the trips I didn’t go on. The man I was dating and later married invited me on a trip that sounded dangerous to me, in Panama, another one in Alaska that sounded boring or not so much my cup of tea (Paris or Venice, yes, but I’m probably not outdoorsy enough to really enjoy Alaska), and another trip to Antarctica over Christmas, when I wanted to be home with my kids, and not looking at penguins and icebergs from a sailboat.  We had some really romantic trips to wonderful places in our day, in the Caribbean, to St. Barth’s, in France and Italy. And he never proposed to me after any of the wonderful trips. But when I turned down the trips that didn’t seem as appealing to me—-after the 3rd one I turned down (Antarctica), he came home and proposed to me. Maybe he missed me. So sometimes not going on a trip, may be more effective than going on the trip and convincing him of your charms!!! Go figure!! It’s all a mystery to me.

But what I was remembering today, as summer rolls around, is that an invitation to go on vacation with the man you’re dating may not be a major romantic statement, maybe he just doesn’t want to go on vacation alone. So if you go, go for the trip and the fun, and his company, and don’t assume it means more than an invitation to travel together. But if you’re clear on that, bon voyage, and have a great time!!!

Love, Danielle

The View

Hi Everyone…I was just on The View yesterday and had such a great time! If you’re interested, you can check out the full interview here:

http://abc.go.com/watch/the-view/SH559080/VD55223121/the-view-730

Love, Danielle

The Sins of the Mother

The Sins of the Mother

In Stores: October 30, 2012

As a way of making up to them for time lost, Olivia spends months every year planning a lavish holiday that everyone in her family will enjoy. This summer she has arranged a dream trip in the Mediterranean on a luxurious yacht, which she hopes will be the most memorable vacation of all. Her lavish gesture every year expresses her love for them, and regret at all the important times she missed during her children’s younger years. Her younger daughter, Cassie, a hip London music producer, refuses the invitation altogether, as she does every year. Her older daughter, Liz, lives in her mother’s shadow, with a terror of failure as she tries to recapture her dream of being a writer. And her sons, John and Phillip, work for Olivia, for better or worse, with wives who wish they didn’t. In the splendor of the Riviera, this should be a summer to remember, with Olivia’s children, grandchildren, and daughters-in-law on board. But as with any family gathering, there are always surprises, and no matter how glamorous the setting things don’t always turn out as ones hopes.

Family dynamics are complicated, old disappointments die hard, and as forgiveness and surprising revelations enter into it, new bonds are formed, and the future takes on a brighter hue. And one by one, with life’s irony, Olivia’s children find themselves committing the same “sins” for which they blamed their mother for so many years. It is a summer of compassion, important lessons, and truth.

The Sins of the Mother captures the many sides of family love: complex, challenging, funny, passionate, and hopefully enduring. Along the way, we are enthralled by an unforgettable heroine, a mother strong enough to take more than her fair share of the blame, wise enough to respect her children for who they really are, and forgiving enough to love them unconditionally.

 

 

A Gift of Hope

In Stores: October 30, 2012

In her powerful memoir His Bright Light, #1 New York Times bestselling author Danielle Steel opened her heart to share the devastating story of the loss of her beloved son. In A Gift of Hope, she shows us how she transformed that pain into a campaign of service that enriched her life beyond what she could imagine.

For eleven years, Danielle Steel took to the streets with a small team to help the homeless of San Francisco. She worked anonymously, visiting the “cribs” of the city’s most vulnerable citizens under cover of darkness, distributing food, clothing, bedding, tools, and toiletries. She sought no publicity for her efforts and remained anonymous throughout. Now she is speaking to bring attention to their plight.

In this unflinchingly honest and deeply moving memoir, the famously private author speaks out publicly for the first time about her work among the most desperate members of our society. She offers achingly acute portraits of the people she met along the way—and issues a heartfelt call for more effective action to aid this vast, deprived population. Determined to supply the homeless with the basic necessities to keep them alive, she ends up giving them something far more powerful: a voice.

New Toy

Hi everyone,

I have a VERY fun new toy, and I’m very excited about it. I went to visit a friend recently, and he had had a huge movie screen and a projector installed in his home, so he and his family could watch movies at home. And although I’m not very into technology, I got excited the moment I saw it, and thought about how much fun we could have with it. He had had his installed by a friend, at a fairly reasonable price, and he gave me the friend’s number and I called him. We have an old playroom that my kids don’t use much anymore, with a Ping-Pong table in it, a good sized TV, 3 couches to lounge around on, and a round table where they still play games when they’re at home: Scrabble, Monopoly, and cards.

I made a quick decision to have a screen and projector installed, and presto magic, 2 days ago, they put up a huge screen, about 9 x 6 feet, a projector that even does 3D movies, and surround sound. And WOW!!!! It’s fantastic and I love it!! I can’t wait for my kids to see it when they come home in a few weeks. I’ve watched 3 movies in 2 days since it was installed (a double feature last night, with popcorn!!), and am having friends over for an early dinner tomorrow—-the same friend who inspired me, and they are coming to check out my new movie set up. I think it is going to give us hours of fun, and I can now imagine having friends over for an easy dinner, and a movie after. I have room for 8 people to watch a movie comfortably, on couches, with ottomans to prop their feet on.  It’s neither a sophisticated nor a glamourous way to spend an evening, but it sure sounds like fun to me!! I was grinning from ear to ear like a kid tonight, as the movie came on. I felt like I was in a movie theater, except that I was sprawled out on a comfortable couch, and had a movie of my choice right in my home!!! It feels like a fantastic luxury to me, and given how much pleasure I think our whole family will get out of it, I think it was a good investment that we’ll enjoy for a long time, and the screen is HUGE!!! I went to buy some new movies yesterday, and am going to catch up on movies I haven’t seen. Since I work incessantly for most of the year, and always at night, I just don’t have time to watch movies, except in my off times when I’m not working. I do all my movie-watching on airplanes on screens the size of a paperback book, so this is a major luxury. It was a great idea!!! I suspect I’ll be spending a lot of time watching movies for the next few weeks!!! Bring on the popcorn!!!

Love, Danielle