Danielle Steel's Blog, page 38

11/30/15, Shopping & Parenting, a Work in Progress Forever

Hi Everyone,

I’m busy writing. With a 6 book a year publishing schedule, I have LOTS of writing to do!!!

I had an interesting experience recently, when I went through New York to see my daughters there, we went shopping together, which is always fun for me. And also challenging!! With all 3 working in fashion, they have a keen eye for what works and what doesn’t and strong opinions about what I should wear—–and never wear!!! My perception of fashion is a little different than theirs, I’m older and can’t get away with every trend that comes along, but I also like a touch of humor sometimes, and don’t always want to wear serious Mom-clothes. Fashion needs to be fun too. Sometimes I regret those flights of fancy, and sometimes I really enjoy them. And sometimes I make some lulus of mistakes!!! And my daughters keep me in line. They’re a tough fashion committee to get by sometimes!!! As all daughters are, even if they don’t work in fashion. (You’re going out in THAT??? How many times have we all heard that from teen age daughters? And then they steal it from our closet and wear it themselves!!)

And I guess I wasn’t in a very serious mood the day we went shopping. At the first store we went to, I picked a big red and black checked purse that went with a few things I own. As the girls pointed out, I didn’t “need” it, but thought it would be fun. I got a resounding NO!! on that one, by all 3. I tried on a pair of navy blue patent leather lace up boots that I also thought would be fun. No again, and their verdict was that I looked like an 18th century school teacher. So with some regret, I said no to those. At the second store, they picked out a pair of beautiful sparkly black very high heeled evening shoes which they said I’d wear a lot, and I realized they were right, so I bought them and will probably wear them for years. They are very elegant and grown up, and I’ll probably wear them on Christmas Eve when we dress up for dinner. I also picked out a pair of platform flat shoes and got an instant No on those, and….tried on a pair of high heeled boots with flowers painted all over them that I thought were really fun. The committee voted those down too, but I tried them again and loved them, and bought them anyway. They may be right, and I may never wear them, but they looked happy and fun, so I gave myself a treat. And a moment of defiance of their sometimes stern fashion rules!! The boots are probably silly, but why not?

We had a wonderful day together, and didn’t buy anything else. We had lunch and dinner, I got a little alone time with each of them, and visited a new apartment of one of them, and she’d done a great job with it. They’re very grown up, but we still love to spend time together. And the conversation turned serious at some point, as we discussed the people in their lives, their work and mine, and the things of most concern to them. They are responsible and have good judgement, but like all of us, people creep into their lives sometimes who shouldn’t be there, and either has or could really hurt them. And as a parent one hates to see that. I don’t want them to get hurt!! And I am no infallible authority, but I have more life experience than they do, and have made my share of mistakes, some of which hurt me deeply, and took years to rectify and overcome. None of us want to see our kids get hurt, or make the same mistakes we did. So just as they said NO to the shiny blue school teacher boots or the red and black bag they said looked cheap and I’d never wear and I realized they were right—–I warned them of people I thought could be unhappy experiences for them in the long run. And I know you can’t compare fashion to people and relationships, but I was relying on their experience and good judgement in fashion—–and hoping they would trust mine about some of the potential dangers in life. But advice about men, people, and relationships is much harder to take, even from someone with more experience. And whereas it was easy to walk away from a purse and a pair of boots, it’s not so easy to walk away from people we are growing attached to and maybe shouldn’t have in our lives, or even those who’ve been there for a long time, and shouldn’t be. No one takes that kind of advice easily, and they argued vehemently in favor of the people we discussed, not as willing to take my advice as I had been to take theirs, and that struck me when I thought about it later. We all have to make our own decisions and mistakes, even when they hurt us, and even our (adult) children have a right to choose their own path, no matter what we think. And as a parent we need to be gracious and supportive, and sometimes back off and let them learn a hard lesson themselves (I’m not very good at that, and a devoted mother hen, trying to protect my chicks.)

I was reminded again of how hard it is to be the mother of adults, to watch them take potentially dangerous turns in the road at times, or trust people who don’t deserve it and may hurt them later, or even some who are obviously not good for them. We made our mistakes, and I guess we have to let our kids make theirs. But damn it’s hard, and can be painful to watch a movie we’ve seen before in our own lives and know how it will probably turn out for them too, not well. One has to strive every day, to learn how much to say and not to say and when to say it. (I usually opt for saying too much, and too often, out of worry for them. and wind up annoying them). And in the end, their life story is theirs to write, whether similar to ours or not, and we have to try and trust their judgement to be better than we fear, and the fates to be kind to them. We all hope for a happy ending for our kids in the end. That’s all we want.

But I was struck by how easily they say NO to me about something to wear, and I follow their advice. And how much harder it is for them to hear me say NO about a person or a situation, and trust that I know what I’m talking about and could be right. I’ve learned from my mistakes, but paid a high price for it in my life, and would love to spare them the same experience. But perhaps we can’t, and they have their own decisions and mistakes to make. And maybe they’ll be wiser than we were at the same age. Mine have made no glaring mistakes so far, but with youth comes a certain innocence that things will turn out right no matter what, and no matter what the odds. But I’m very grateful that my children are much wiser than I was at their age.

And I guess at any age, we have a streak of defiance and mischief in us…..after all, I did buy the flowered boots they hated. I’ll let you know if I wear them, or if the girls were right…..They’re trying to keep me from looking foolish with fashion mistakes….and I am trying to keep them safe and happy and away from people who might not be good for them…..we all mean well and are trying to help each other. It is truly an art learning to be a parent to kids at every age, and I’m still learning now that my kids are adults!!! The stakes are higher as they get older, and the consequences….and they will always be our children, no matter how grown up they are. And wouldn’t it be nice if when we say NO as parents, they listened….but that wouldn’t be real life would it!!?? May the fates be kind to our children, and keep them safe, yours as well as mine….

love, Danielle

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11/23/15, Thanksgiving

Hi Everyone,

Wow….how did it get to be the holidays so soon? It was January the last time I looked, and as it does every year, it whizzed by. One minute the year is beginning, you’re planning what you’ll do, and suddenly it’s spring and then summer, and then summer ends and it’s fall. A bunch of kids show up on Halloween, and Zap, it’s Thanksgiving. In five minutes it will be Christmas, you put the lights on the tree, admire it for a minute….then someone is singing Auld Lang Syne, and then you start all over again. So here we are, and here comes Thanksgiving.

To me, Thanksgiving is about gratitude and about friends. Although it is theoretically about family, it is a holiday to welcome friends who have nowhere else to go and might be alone, and to be thankful together. I always think about that phrase from the Bible, “God places the solitary in families”. It’s nice to be the place where people come, and to host it, and also nice to go to one’s friends if one is alone. And this is a good time of year for me to practice what I preach, and remember to be grateful for my family, my friends, (you my readers, and the people I work with), and the many blessings I have. I mean it, and it sounds good, but holidays also get hectic, life gets pressured and stressful, real life doesn’t stop on the holidays, and it’s easy to get worn out, stressed out, and sometimes even upset, and forget to be grateful. Sometimes the problems seem bigger than the blessings.

People in families worry about family battles and family members they don’t get along with. People without families are sad because they’re alone. People who are cooking the turkey and feel like they’re cooking for an army feel put upon (“Why do I always have to do it?”), People who have no turkey, no family, few friends and maybe nowhere to go feel deprived. It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong instead of what’s right. Very few people have a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving, where the turkey is golden, the kids all behave, and the relatives are well behaved and adorable. People are stressed and short tempered over the holidays. There’s a lot to do and take care of.

No one’s holidays are perfect or very few. Sometimes big things are wrong, or only small ones. We remember those who are no longer with us and miss them more acutely.

My older children who are married usually go to their in laws, although one of my older married children will be with us this year, which is rare. My five younger children are coming home, but they have busy lives and stressful jobs, it’s a hassle to come home from far away, their lives aren’t perfect either, but we will be grateful to be together. Gratitude will be very important for all of us, to remember that we are lucky to have each other, no matter what our situations are at the moment. I’m very grateful that my kids are coming home for the holiday. And I know it will be busy and crazy, we will miss my son Nick who is no longer with us, and I’ll just be happy to have my kids home.

And if it gets crazy or too hectic, or things don’t work out perfectly, or if there are hassles at the last minute, I’m going to take a deep breath, and remind myself of how blessed I am, how thankful I am, and how very, very many blessings I have in my life, starting with my kids. I hope your Thanksgiving is blessed and wonderful, your relatives well behaved, your friends kind. And if it starts to get crazy, try to be grateful, even for a minute…..we all have something to be grateful for wherever we are, whatever we’re doing, and whatever our circumstances. I send you all my love, and Happy Thanksgiving!!!

love, Danielle

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11/16/15, Not Again

Hi Everyone,

I am speechless with grief over the violence in France. I have spent hours talking to friends and relatives in Paris. I am devastated to see the violence, the loss of life, the tragedy, the victims, the terror in Paris. My heart goes out to anyone who lost loved ones, who were injured, and all of those who are now shaken and afraid. It breaks my heart to see the city I love so much, my home, and innocent people, so savagely and senselessly attacked.

It brought to mind the words of General Charles de Gaulle, in June, 1940, the day after France fell and was occupied by the Germans. Posters appeared all over Paris with General de Gaulle’s message to believe in truth and honor, to fight for what is right, and to never, ever give up, and stand by all that we believe in, with faith and courage. It is a message that always brings tears to my eyes every time I read it. It is a love letter to France.

His final words in the message bring to mind the situation France, and the Parisians are in now:

“To All Frenchmen……I ask all Frenchmen, wherever they may be, to unite in action, in sacrifice, and in hope. Our country is in danger of death. Let us all fight to save it!!! Long Live France!!” General Charles de Gaulle (and in the original:….”je convie tous les Français, ou qu’ils se trouvent, a s’unir dans l’action, dans le sacrifice, et dans l’Esperance. Notre patrie est en peril de mort. Luttons tous pour la sauver!! Vive la France!!”)

I pray that peace may reign again in France quickly. God bless all our troubled nations, and keep us safe….

love, Danielle

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11/9/15, Facebook Chat coming up Wednesday!!!

Hi Everyone,

busy week last week for me, and a VERY exciting announcement today by my publisher: Starting next month, they are going to publish 6 of my books in hardcover every year, and 6 books in paperback (of books that were previously in hardcover). This is in response to readers asking for More, More, MORE!!! It’s a fantastic challenge to meet and so exciting for me. Since I work on several books a month, I can give you six new books a year!!! I hope you love them!! I will be working hard for you, and can’t wait!!!

How are you?? Doing well, I hope. And doing some things you enjoy. I have a sign in my office that says “Do more of what YOU want to do.” It’s a good reminder. I’m a ‘dutiful’ person and do a lot of the things I think I should do—-and not always the fun things I’d enjoy doing. We have to remember to put fun in our lives too.

This past week has been a busy one, LOTS of writing (in outline, first draft and editing form), seeing some friends, planning for the holidays, some Christmas shopping (Now that IS fun!!! I love shopping for myself and others—-I can have a good time anywhere, even in a hardware store!!)

It was one of my 2 country/3 city weeks, visiting my children, traveling 6,000 miles to do it. That’s a lot of airplanes, I use the time to watch movies, sleep, and catch up on reading!!!

I had a request recently to contribute to a psychiatric book about bi polar illness. My son Nick suffered from it, so I was pleased to add what I had to say on the subject, from a parent’s point of view. Hopefully it will help some parents, trying to support their child meet their challenges.

AND I am REALLY looking forward to our Facebook Chat this week on Wednesday November 11, at 2pm Eastern time. It’s a fantastic opportunity for me to answer you directly. Unfortunately, I can’t answer all the posts, but I type as fast as I can, so I answer as many as possible. It’s VERY exciting for me to be in direct contact with you. Forgive me if I don’t get to yours—–I really do my best to answer you. We receive about 2,000 posts in the time allotted, and typing really fast, I answer about 200. I am so grateful to you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts with me.

Holiday plans are shaping up. I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving and what I am ALWAYS grateful for is your loyalty to me and your kindness.

Have a great week, lots of love, Danielle

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11/2/15, Halloween wrap up

Hi Everyone,

I hope you had a great week. I spent mine glued to my typewriter all week, writing till 4 am every night. I had to leave the house once for a few hours, but normally I don’t go out at all when I’m writing…..so I was a hard working writer for Halloween!!!

I had to share with you the aftermath of Halloween. We’ve always taken Halloween, and costumes, seriously in our family. When the kids were little, they would plan their costumes for months. Mermaids, witches, Star Wars characters (I was Princess Leia once!!!). And my children have gone on and on and on dressing up on Halloween long after they were children. One of their best ones was one of daughters as a Matador a few years ago, she looked fabulous. They’ve done TV characters, political figures and some truly crazy stuff, all in good fun!!!

This Halloween, one of my daughters was a race car driver, another was a skeleton and looked adorable. And my kids dress up their dogs too. One daughter’s Chihuahua wore a poncho and a sombrero this year, my son dressed his adorable dog up as a Hawaiian tourist in a Hawaiian shirt and straw hat, and another daughter’s Yorkie was Madonna this year—in a platinum blonde wig!!! My two little Chihuahuas were going to be ballerinas, but since I was working I didn’t dress them. Oops, I forgot!!!

But the real winner this year was my daughter Victoria, who dressed up for Halloween as—–Me!!! I laughed when I saw the picture because she picked up on my all my ‘quirks’. I wear lots and lots of bracelets on both arms, and she said she wore every bracelet she had. My daily ‘uniform’ when I’m working (that’s most of the time) is a black turtleneck sweater, jeans and loafers. I wear reading glasses—-and also distance glasses, and usually wind up with both sets of glasses on my head. I have very long hair, and almost always wear it pulled back in a ponytail, so she did (although I have red hair, and she’s blonde) I wear a necklace with a cross, so she wore that too. Victoria looked a whole lot prettier than I do in all of it…..she looked adorable, and while I was working, that photo popped up and I REALLY laughed—–and I had to share it with you!!

Processed with VSCOcam with m3 preset

I hope you had a TERRIFIC Halloween, whether you wore a costume or not!!! Take care!! Have a wonderful week.

love, Danielle

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10/26/15, Bloom Where You Are Planted

Hi Everyone,

I hope you’ve had a good week, with lots of good things happening, or at the very least a peaceful one. I’ve had another crazy busy week, but am hoping for some quiet time this week to do some writing. My writing times are always a quiet refuge for me, and often a great escape from the headaches of ‘real life’, while I focus on the story I’m writing. But this was a go go go week for me, with a lot to do, and a lot of real life to deal with. Not unpleasant, just Busy!!! I had a friend come to visit for 4 days, which was a lot of fun. We had dinner with friends every night, to introduce her to new people, went to an art fair, visited a fascinating new building which was a wonder of architecture, and did some shopping (a girl can never have enough shoes, which is nearly impossible to explain to a man, “But you already have black shoes”—–yeah, whatever. Don’t even try to explain it to them). I did some Christmas shopping, which I always try to do early, to avoid the crush of shoppers in December. I had a wonderful visit with my God children, and tried to keep up with my work. And to add some spice (and worry) to my week, one of my children was on a business trip to Mexico this week, just when the hurricane was heading there, and I was seriously worried about her. She was just far enough away from the worst of it to be safe, but I watched the weather reports with great concern. (One of my daughters lost her home and almost everything she owned in Hurricane Sandy in New York 3 years ago, so the word ‘hurricane’ terrifies me).

The friend who came to visit did so on the way home from visiting her only child, who lives six thousand miles from her, is firmly established in his home there, with a wife, a life he enjoys, soon a family, and a job he likes. He studied in Europe for a year, fell in love with a wonderful woman, and adopted her country and culture, rather than returning to his own. Although lives and plans can change in an instant, for now at least, it doesn’t look like he’ll be living close to home again. And with three of my own children who live far from home, and aren’t likely to return, I know how hard that can be. It’s exciting for them, but really hard for us as parents. I miss mine terribly, there are always tears when we leave each other, and a heavy heart knowing that I will never again have the ease and joy of spending an afternoon with them, having them drop in, or come for dinner spontaneously. Our time together has to be planned, they have full lives and demanding jobs, and my visits to them aren’t always convenient for them. They come home for brief visits 3 times a year, for only a few days, and I miss them enormously. And I’m very grateful that I’m able to visit them, but it’s not the same as living in the same city. And with only one child, I know how hard it is for my friend to live so far away from her son. She is valiant about it, and happy that he has a good life, but I know how hard it is for her. So it was especially nice to keep her busy, and see to it that she had some fun on the lonely trip home.

It brought to mind a saying that I’ve shared with you before, “Bloom where you are planted”. The first time I heard it, I thought it was inspired. What a great idea, and a good thing to think about and try to live up to. I talk a lot about gratitude, which I think is an essential ingredient to one’s happiness. To be grateful for the good in our lives, and not focus on what we don’t have. It changes one’s perspective, and can make the good in our life more powerful than what we lack. And blooming where we are planted—-thriving, not just surviving, is an active effort to make the best of our circumstances. We ALL face challenges that can make everyday life difficult: a job we REALLY don’t like, but a change isn’t practical for the moment. A really nasty boss, or difficult co workers (there is always one sour apple in the barrel, who can poison our work life, and make every work day a misery). An apartment we don’t like, but we can’t afford a better one. A difficult family situation we just can’t do anything about right now. A tough relationship which, for a multitude of reasons, we are staying in for the moment, hoping for improvement, or afraid to leave, or financially unable to. We’ve all been there, or at least I have. No one is exempt from these problems. And if our children move away for the right reasons for them (a better job, a better life, a valid marriage), it’s not right for us to stand in their way, but it can represent a real loss to us. We can either let these problems weigh us down and make life seem pretty gloomy, or we can try to bloom where we are planted. And believe me, I know what a challenge that can be. All of it. Nasty bosses, bitchy co workers who have their own problems and take them out on us or are jealous, friends who disappoint or betray us or an apartment or relationship we just can’t leave for now, or are afraid to. I’m always impressed and somewhat in awe of people who make the best of their circumstances, take classes, help others, do the best they can to cheer up an ugly home, learn a new language, take a trip they save up for to give them new perspective, sometimes you can really turn circumstances around, but even when you can’t, especially when you can’t, it’s amazing the improvements you can make in a life that seems bleak at the moment. It won’t bring back the spouse or partner who left you, or convince your kids to move back home, it won’t turn your nasty boss into a sweetheart, or make your co-worker more adorable. But it will actually make your life more livable, and maybe even fun. Go to the movies (even if you go alone), instead of sitting home feeling bad. See old friends whom you’ve let slip away, or make new ones, go to a gym, or take a class where you’ll meet new people, go to Ikea and for very little money add some fresh touches to your home which seems dreary to you now. Learn something new, go back to doing something you used to love doing. I took up ice skating again several years ago, and loved it. Discover something, learn something, change something. Get a dog to keep you company, or a pet of some kind. (Nothing makes me happier than my dogs). Volunteer to work with kids or old people, or people in far worse circumstances than you. It won’t catapult you into a new apartment, and possibly won’t restore your marriage, but it really will change your perspective on life. Effecting that kind of change isn’t what I do best, and isn’t always easy. But life changes anyway, you may find a new job when you least expect it, the co worker you hate may quit and move on, or a new apartment you can afford and like better will turn up, and you may meet a new partner. It’s easy to say that it won’t make a difference—-when my son Nick died my first response was that whatever I did wouldn’t change it and bring him back. True, but my work with the homeless after he died changed my life, and gave new meaning to my life. My two little Chihuahuas didn’t bring romance into my life, but they have brought immeasurable joy and happiness. I still have sad days, we all do, but blooming where you are planted, in exactly the circumstances you’re in now, will change something, and add something important to your life, something new and fresh. You don’t have to make a huge change, but a few or a bunch of small ones will make a difference to help you bloom where you are planted right now, with the same job, same home, same man, same challenging circumstances. Just a little shift will help. It’s something I remind myself of often…..it’s a good plan, and could make your life a whole lot happier. It seems worth a try to me, and the results may amaze you. It’s worth a shot.

Have a GREAT week!!

love, Danielle

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10/19/15, WOW!!! MVP Warriors’ Basketball Star Stephen Curry

Hi Everyone,

I hope you had a great week and that all is going smoothly!!! We can all use more of that!!!

I had an absolutely fantastic experience with my daughter. Like everyone else, I go along through life, being with my family, doing my work, trying to keep up with the big and little stuff, seeing friends, and meeting ‘regular’ people. And then once in a while, through luck or my work, or even my kids, I meet someone extraordinary and very special. (like meeting Joel Osteen this summer, through a friend of a friend). My youngest daughter is a HUGE basketball fan and never misses a game. And she absolutely loved last season when the Warriors won the championship and her hero is MVP Stephen Curry. And luck smiled on us again, one of my daughters has a good friend who works in sports, and was able to arrange a meet and greet with the basketball star. It was too good to be true, and more than I ever hoped, and on my youngest’s birthday a few weeks ago, I was able to promise her she’d meet the star!! She nearly keeled over!! We were told we could come to their practice facility after a practice and she could say hello and shake his hand. And she asked me to come with her.

The Big Day came, and we drove to Oakland, where the team practices (in a huge, spectacular gym). We followed the directions and found ourselves in the hallways of the Warriors’ facilities, nervous with anticipation, excited, even I had caught the bug by then and was excited to meet him. Everyone was wonderful to us, treated us like royalty, welcomed us warmly, we chatted with some people in the halls, an ex-basketball player who has a radio show and had come to interview him. The General Manager, Bob Myers, couldn’t have been nicer. The head of Communications made us feel welcome. And we got to watch Stephen Curry’s practice routine. I was as excited as my daughter by then, and she looked adorable in team tee shirt, hoodie, jeans, and sneakers in the team colors. (And I managed to wear royal blue, since royal blue and yellow are their colors). We hung around for an hour, soaking up the atmosphere and watching several of the players practice, my daughter recognized all the players she saw, as several of them went through their practice regimes in the enormous gym. And when he finished his, Stephen Curry walked over. He is strikingly handsome, and an outstanding, gifted athlete and a major star, and like some great people, what struck me about him immediately was his modesty, how humble he was, and how kind. He was absolutely wonderful to us, we talked about their victorious past season, how exciting it had been, and we talked about his daughters. He made my daughter feel special and important, wasn’t in a hurry and gave her all the time she wanted, and signed the team tee shirt she had brought. We thanked him for his kindness and his time, and then, smiling at her, he stooped down, took off his shoes, signed them and handed them to her, they were bright turquoise, an incredible trophy to go home with, and remarkable souvenir. We went home dazzled by him, and what an obviously special and extraordinary person he is. Just meeting him was a gift and a thrill, to be in the presence of such talent. He is diligent and disciplined about what he does, you can see it in the way he practices, and he was overwhelmingly nice to us. The whole experience was a thrill, it was everything my daughter hoped and more, and we were so grateful for all the people who made it possible and fun for us. And we’re going to put the signed tee shirt and shoes in a special case and hang it on the wall. Meeting Stephen Curry was a total WOWWWWW!!! And an unforgettable experience. I hope he and the team have a great season, and I will never forget his handing my daughter his shoes, a gratuitous generous incredibly thoughtful gesture. And after all is said and done, in addition to being a real star and an outstanding athlete, what a truly, genuinely nice person. We went home after that, giggling and laughing and excited. Some experiences don’t live up to what you hoped they would be, but this one far exceeded anything we could have imagined. It was just plain WOWWWW!!!!

love, Danielle

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10/12/15, Columbus Day Weekend

Hi Everyone,

I hope you had a good week. I’ve been writing a lot, so I’ve been buried at my desk, not paying much attention to anything else or what goes on around me. I always seem to write more in the fall and winter, so I don’t feel guilty (or cheated) when I’m locked up and can’t go out in pretty weather.

Lots of noise over my desk though!!! Every year on the Columbus Day weekend, there is a big air show in San Francisco: the Blue Angels, Navy pilots in fighter planes flying in tight formation, and doing all kinds of breathtaking stunts and tricks—-and they make a HUGE amount of noise. They used to fly very low, I once literally saw the face of one of the pilots as they flew past my house. They dont fly as low now, I think the city complained. But they are very impressive, and practice all week over the Bay. Warships come into the Bay the week before and are still there. And every sailboat in the Bay is lined up to get a better view as they flash by. It really is impressive, though noisy when I try to write, and since this is high writing season for me (I’m always working on a book this time of year), it’s distracting while I try to write. But nonetheless impressive to watch. One year, it was foggy, as it often is in SF, and they had to cancel, and everyone was disappointed.

I heard that there were 2 more school shootings somewhere in the country this week. Please tell me the world hasn’t gone mad, and that this horrifying insanity will stop one of these days. You know how I feel about it, we all do.

I just finished a big writing project, and am hitting the road this week. This is one of my 4 city weeks when I visit all my kids as I trek across the world. I love doing it and seeing them. My dogs aren’t quite as happy about it, as I drag them with me too. And from the absurd to the ridiculous, my Chihuahuas will be ballerinas for Halloween this year!!! (last year bumble bees, the year before geisha girls). It’s good to do something silly and have a laugh sometimes. And they HATE their costumes, but they look so funny and cute.

Getting ready for Halloween….I can never resist it. The perfect excuse for chocolate in bite size candy bars, with the excuse that you’re giving them out to children (and I eat half of it myself!!!)

Take good care, be safe and happy, and I hope great things happen to you this coming week. Have a great one, and I just learned that I will be doing 4 Facebook ‘chats’ a year with readers from now on. I can’t wait!!!

All my good thoughts and love to you, Danielle

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10/5/15, Shootings

Hi Everyone,

I hope you’ve had a good, peaceful, productive week. Things are pretty busy after the first month of fall.

I don’t have the heart today to write to you about fashion shows—although Paris fashion week is still in full swing with the spring ready to wear collections—–or my opinions about love and marriage, or funny quotes. It’s a time for quiet musing, about the state of our country and our world.

Last Thursday, as I’m sure you know, there was a shooting at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon, a small town of 22,000 people, which left 10 people injured and 10 dead (including the shooter). We CANNOT allow this to become a banal event, and ordinary occurrence in our lives. We just can’t. There are statistics flying around since the shooting that vary but essentially this was supposedly the 41st or 45th public shooting THIS YEAR, and the 141st in 3 years, since the tragedy at Sandy Hook, in addition to some random shootings in public places that left a smaller number of people dead. If you do the math on that, that means that there is approximately ONE shooting per week in public places like schools, colleges, or churches, or even in public restaurants. It means that the places that we send our children, or young adults, and assume they will be safe, are NOT safe by any means. You can send your kindergartner off to school now with their superhero lunch box and not be absolutely certain they’ll still be alive by lunchtime. If I had a school age child today, I would be terrified to send them to school. My youngest child graduated from college two years ago, and I would be just as panicked about her. But it’s not just schools, there are random shootings in churches now, so no one is entirely safe there. You might go to buy your groceries, or stop for a meal at a fast food restaurant, and it’s entirely possible that someone will open fire in the restaurant, leaving dead and injured victims everywhere, and grieving families in the news. What is happening to us? What are we not doing or seeing? What is wrong with our mental health care system that we are not identifying these very troubled people who commit these atrocious crimes, providing them the help they need, and stopping them before they kill innocent bystanders and children? Are we so blind to the troubled people among us? Do we not care? Are we afraid to speak up when we know that someone in our communities is putting the rest of us at risk? Is human life so totally without value that we just accept this now as a symptom of modern life? It is truly, truly shocking, beyond words.

It used to be that a crime of this nature was a major, singular, unusual and unheard of event. Now it is common place. One a week. A few months ago, we turned on the news on TV and saw a pretty young 24 year old reporter shot and killed in cold blood, and her cameraman with her, and the interview subject shot and wounded. And this is not entirely unique to the United States, although more of it happens here. Recently, all of Europe was shocked when an armed gunman, with automatic weapons, boarded a fast train from Amsterdam into France, and shot a number of people before 3 American servicemen jumped on the gunman and stopped him, an incredible act of courage. A year or so ago, a deranged gunman in Norway shot a summer colony full of children. And the Charlie Hebdo murders in Paris earlier this year left not only political targets dead, but innocent people buying groceries for the weekend. These events stand out more in Europe, because they are much more rare. But once a week in the U.S.? What is happening to us that we have become so desensitized and dehumanized that this is happening week after week, and has been for several years, that this is common place now, and getting worse?

I have never been a political person, and it strikes me that this is not only about terrorism or mental illness in a troubled world. It’s not just about gun laws, which is a sensitive and explosive issue and political hot potato. This is about ALL of us as human beings. We are ALL at risk. I have many children and a few friends, and like everyone else, I go to the grocery store, and the post office, the dry cleaner and restaurants. I park my car in supermarket parking lots. My children lead their daily lives doing equally ordinary things in other cities, and probably yours do too. How do we keep them safe, and each other and ourselves safe? How do we form a chain of people stretched across the country and our world, to remain connected, alert, and caring, to protect each other. It’s in our constitution that we have the right to bear arms. But not to randomly kill other people, and innocents. More importantly in this great country, home of the American dream for generations, we have a right to live in peace and know that our children are safe.

Let’s all give this some serious thought, and we need to collectively and individually come to some conclusions so that we won’t be reading about one of these tragedies every week, or living it ourselves. I don’t know the answers, but together we need to come up with some. There is talk of arming teachers in classrooms, what a sad statement about our world. I hope we find an answer to this tragedy. And in the meantime, my deepest sympathy to the latest victims and their families and loved ones.

With all my love, Danielle

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9/28/15 Midnight Musings about Fashion

Hi Everyone,

I hope all is going smoothly in your life, and that the Fall is off to a good start, now that it’s officially here.

I was thinking about ‘fashion’ in general and specifically tonight. I write about it often, when I go to fashion shows, or see my daughters’ work. Three of my daughters are professional stylists and design consultants, to a variety of designers. All three of them have the same job, but perform it in very different ways, depending on who they’re working with, and their own individual styles. A design consultant works closely with the designer to develop their next collection, how it should look, what colors are strongest, fabrics, textures, details, and a huge amount of research and collaboration goes into putting the new collection together. They may be inspired by a period in history, a country, a culture, or even world events, or street culture. First they help develop the concept, and then in the case of one of my daughters, she does an immense amount of research, delving back into fashion books, and even looking at vintage pieces, for inspiration. And then the hands on work begins, helping to choose fabrics, seeing how they work, what colors work best with those designs, then they have samples cut and sewn and fit them on models to see how they move and drape, before cutting the actual clothes for the collection. And once the real samples are made, they fit them on the models who will wear them in the fashion show (and pick the models), and then their role as stylists comes in, as they put together each complete look that will be worn by a model on the runway, and the accessories that will help create that look. The tension before a fashion show is enormous, my girls stay at work long after midnight, and are often back at work at 6 or 7 am right before a show. And the day after a show, it’s not over, and then they begin shooting photographs for the “look book”, which buyers can refer to when they order the clothes. And by the time they finish that, a week after the show, they begin work on the next collection. Designers (who actually do the drawing of the designs) and their consultants work closely together, and have to come up with 3 major collections a year: spring, fall, and ‘resort/cruise’, which used to be beachwear people wore to resorts in the winter, and is now essentially an early spring collection. In addition, for spring and fall, they do a “pre-collection”, which is a simpler, more commercial, sometimes slightly less expensive version of what is shown on the runway. So you’re really talking about designing 5 collections a year, with the pre-collections. It’s a stunning amount of work, and that’s true for all brands, whether low, moderate, or high priced. “Fashion Week” happens twice a year, for the spring and fall collections, and is really fashion month. It starts with a week in New York, where American designers show their wares, then on to London for the British designers, Milan for the Italians, and then the grand finale in Paris, for all the French ready to wear designers. It is four intense weeks where magazine editors, the fashion press in general, store buyers, and anyone who follows fashion go from city to city for an exhausting month. It begins in early September in New York and goes into October, showing spring clothes for the stores to order, and then happens again in February, into March, to show the fall collections. One of my daughters actually worked all 4 cities at times, but mostly my daughters work in New York and Paris. All three are talented and work with major designers, and it’s a thrill for me every time to see the collections they worked on, and to see the influence they had, and the results of their hard work. I admire them immensely for how hard they work, and am very proud of the results. (I’m proud of all my kids, who work in very different fields, the eldest is a social worker in pediatric oncology, the youngest has a passion for music, two of my sons work in startups, and another works in the film industry. And my late son Nick was a talented musician, and lyricist, and lead singer in a band. And best of all, each is following their passions and expressing their individual talents.)

I guess the 3 girls, Samantha, Victoria and Vanessa (listed by age, and not preference!!) caught the bug from me. Even as a very little girl, I loved to draw dresses and my dream was to become a designer. I went to college early, and to French schools before that, and when I went to New York University at 15, I enrolled in a combined program with Parsons School of Design. And what I discovered there is how incredibly stressful the fashion industry is—-too much so for me, I thought, with constant pressure, harsh critics ready to eat you alive, and 5 collections to produce a year. I opted out of fashion professionally after college, and at 19 began writing, which seemed gentler, working alone in a quiet room—-only to discover that writing and publishing isn’t for sissies either, and publishing 4 books a year (instead of producing 5 collections a year) is also about as stressful as it gets. But I love writing, which is my real passion!! And fashion has remained great fun for me, and almost a hobby all my life. I love shopping and just seeing fashion, seeing how things change, and sometimes come back again. I grew up going to fashion shows, and have gone to the Haute Couture shows in Paris all my life, and my girls introduced me to the fashion shows of the Ready to Wear industry, and I find them fascinating, and love going to the shows with them, or to see their work. All 3 girls have designer clients who are well known brands. They went to school with several of the designers they work with, and it has been really exciting watching them all grow up, and become major talents in the fashion industry. The now very successful designer Alexander Wang, whom one of my daughters works with on the collections he has been doing for Balenciaga in Paris—–Alex practically grew up in our house, and he and the girls went to high school together. I used to give him hell at 14 and 15, when he’d hang out at the house and I’d walk into the girls’ rooms and find him with scissors in hand “redesigning’ and ‘restructuring’ their clothes, and I was horrified to see him cutting up some new outfit they’d just gotten—-but he was right, and he always improved the clothes he cut up. But who knew he’d be a big designer one day??!!! He is a lovely person, and a major talent in the fashion world today.

I have loved fashion all my life as a consumer, and an observer. I love watching the trends, and the traces of history in fashion, the beauty of the designs, and the imagination. It’s interesting too, seeing my daughters’ different styles and how that translates into their work, some more casual, another one more of a purist about design. I have always loved bold, very structured but simple fashion, and have saved many things for my daughters. I tend to hang onto some special things (and some not so special ones!!)—–and will confess to making a number of mistakes. If I don’t wear something for long enough, I offer it to my daughters, or a few close friends, and the girls have taught me a whole new outlook. Now if I really don’t wear it, and it doesn’t appeal to my daughters or some close friend, I sell the clothes I no longer wear, which is a way or recycling them at good prices, and making them available to other people (and recouping my losses on the mistakes I made). Fashion, in every aspect, is a mammoth business today, and a huge industry. And I find all of it fascinating and exciting. And I can get just as excited by something I buy at Zara for $30.00, as I do about a higher priced item that’s more of an investment. There are theories too that fashion is a barometer of the world economy. I never remember quite how it works, but there have always been theories that in hard economic times, hemlines go up or down, and the reverse in good times.

These days, I have to admit that I own more pretty clothes than I wear. People dress up less than they used to, and I don’t go out as much as I did in the past. When I was married, and the kids were little, I went to lots of events in evening gowns. Today, everyone is less formal. I used to wear dresses and suits every day—now I wear black jeans and a black sweater (or regular jeans) on most days, which is a uniform for all of us. I haven’t worn a dress in ages, and mostly pants, but I just bought 3 dresses for this winter, which will be a nice change. Even going through my closets is fun, getting rid of what I don’t wear, and rediscovering old treasures which I wear again.

As I write this, all 3 of my daughters are recovering from the brutal (but exciting) hard work of fashion week in New York 2 weeks ago, one is already working on the next collection for the designer she works for in New York, and another is working on a collection in Paris, after just finishing a show for a designer in New York. Paris fashion week begins tomorrow. It’s a hard, fast pace, but exciting work, and so much fun to watch them from the sidelines. So I guess you could say fashion is my hobby, and one of my passions. I took all of my daughters to fashion shows with me when they were growing up, and 3 out of 5 of them caught the bug. It’s a major industry today. And I love writing, but fashion is a great distraction, and can be a lot of fun to watch and wear! Take care and have a great week!!

much love, Danielle

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