Nick Cato's Blog, page 12

A Report from KRALLCON 2013

For two days and two nights during the weekend of March 15, 2013, the very first KRALLCON was held at a Best Western hotel in beautiful East Brunswick, NJ. And just what is KRALLCON , might you ask? Named after and run by author and publisher Jordan Krall, KRALLCON is basically a celebration of bizarre fiction writers. Like most literary conventions, there were readings, contests, and book releases ... but unlike most conventions, there were visits to go-go bars and a completely unconventional way of doing things.
Jordan is one of the finest bizarro writers on the planet, and if KRALLCON 2013 is any indication, he may have a future as a convention kingpin.
But now on to my testimony:
Living only a half hour away from the festivities, I made my way down from NY and arrived about an hour and a half early, so decided to kill some time across the highway at a Barnes & Noble. As soon as I entered, I hit the magazine section to find a disgruntled, elderly Russian gentleman looking for a TV Guide-like publication. He asked me if I ever heard of ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY, because he heard they had TV listings. I pointed him to the latest issue (which he couldn't identify due to the logo being obscure by Michael Douglas and Matt Damon's heads) and when he turned to the TV section, he said "No! This is no good! I need listings for at least a week in advance!" We then expressed our mutual admiration for and sadness over the loss of TV GUIDE. The man continued thumbing through the magazine racks, looking in vain for something to fill the void left by a TV GUIDE-less world. Perhaps he still has a rabbit-ear TV set or is unaware of the on-screen cable guide available on most cable or satellite systems? Either way, he vanished into the store, I browsed around a bit, then headed over to the Best Western motel.


After checking in with Jordan and new author Joseph Bouthiette Jr., I loaded my complimentary fridge with non-complimentary Amstel Light as Jordan prepped his room for the opening ceremonies.
And here is where the unconventional way of doing things came into play: KRALLCON, while an official con, was held within 4 rooms at the Best Western...underground style. We did not have access to any professional panel rooms or dining facilities (although a free continental breakfast was available each day in the narrow dining area). We were recognized by the hotel's management as a bunch of people having a 4-room party (and one manager even asked to be invited). Instead of the usual hotel amenities, KRALLCON's readings and contests were held in Jordan and Joe's rooms, while parts of a soon-to-be-released film were shot in Mike's room. I think I scared people too much with my true life ghost story for them to do anything in my room...which, by the way, had a paranormal occurence: as I tried to fall asleep late Friday night (around 2 a.m.) watching FAMILY GUY (the Stewie-on-steroids episode), my TV shut off. I flicked the lights on and found the TV plug slightly tugged out. Now, I didn't feel any kind of draft, and I'm quite sure none of the guests had a keycard to my room. So I chalked it up to a late suicide victim trying to piss me off for relaxing in his or her final room of dread.


After the opening meet and greet on Friday night (which included a "Kralljuice" drinking session--more on that later), we headed across the way to DENNY'S for a fine (and affordable) dinner. Afterwards, we went back to Jordan's room for the first round of readings, which I began with my tale 'Necrocandy' as masked-listeners (and a sex doll) looked on (see pic above), followed by Joseph Bouthiette Jr. reading a short from his forthcoming collection with a mini-gong accompaniment. We then had a couple of drinks as the younger conventioners were assigned a writing project as we older folks followed Jordan to the first stop on the KRALLCON SLEAZY NEW JERSEY TOUR, which was a blue-collar go-go bar named BLACK BETTY'S. 5 of us (one female who shall go unnamed) sat at the bar as several lovely ladies danced in bikini's and trashy-looking lingerie ... and I use the word "danced" loosely. Much of their moves reminded me of the way people walk around who don't wipe their ass good enough set to commercial hard rock music (although they did play PRONG's classic, 'Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck'). I hadn't been to a strip club in about 25 years, and was surprised no one actually stripped here (to the delight of our female conventioner). I'd like to explain what else went down at BLACK BETTY's, but I don't want to get sued by the club and/or one of my KRALLCON mates.


Back at the hotel, we had a David Lynch trivia contest which I was favored to win (although I knew I wouldn't). I wound up in 3rd place as Michael Nau schooled all of us in Lynch knowledge. For my third place prize, I won a wind-up tranny:

The rest of the evening featured a mozzarella-stick and matzoh eating orgy (don't ask) and plenty of drinking before I--nursing a wicked canker sore--headed off to bed (where the aforementioned paranormal TV incident went down).
Saturday morning featured another trip to DENNY'S for some killer blueberry pancakes and micro-sized sausage links. Then we hit Mike's room as we all read from index cards (into a camera) with Jordan-written dialogue for a bizarre film project. Then Jon, who arrived too late too partake in the Friday night session, guzzled his share of KRALLJUICE:
(KRALLJUICE, btw, is a mysterious beverage attendees had to consume in order to secure a copy of SEX DWARF. I'm still trying to decide what was in it, but we were assured it contained no drugs or alcohol. Or goat blood.)
After, we went back to Joe's room where Jordan made some absinthe cocktails (at 11:30 AM, mind you):


Then, we had another entertaining reading from Joe, as he beat a floor tom and played the xylophone to enhance the tale:

Joe then signed copies of his sold-out limited edition first book from DYNATOX MINISTRIES:

We were then treated to a barrage of readings, the most memorable being Jordan Himself reading sections from SNOOKI's novel: 


Josh Meyers read from the book SEX DWARF, that was given ONLY to KRALLCON attendees. Despite Josh taking a lot of crap about his soulless eyes, I found him to be a fine gentleman:
Feeling too abused, Josh handed the reading over to David Lynch Trivia Champion Michael Nau, who continued reading from SEX DWARF. He has a great reading voice and should seriously seek to do it for pro audio books:

We then heard a very cool tale from Jon R. Meyers, who drove 14 hours from outside of Chicago to attend:

I ended the AM reading session with a recollection of a non-fiction ghost story, one I experienced when I was around 10 years old:


At this point I had to leave KRALLCON, but was glad to have been there for more than half of it. I was told that Saturday's festivities included more readings, a really weird 20-minute "dance party," and more readings from SNOOKI's book, this time by Josh reading as Orson Welles and Bane (got that?). The fun went into Sunday morning before the con disbanded.
For a first time convention, KRALLCON was a lot of fun despite there not being too many attendees. But there was a mutual love of reading, writing, films, music, and art to make us all feel comfortable with each other ... even to the point of trusting Jordan not to poison us with his Kralljuice.
KRALLCON 2014, scheduled for the same time next year, may take place in Massachusettes. More news to follow ... and in the meantime, check out Jordan's great small press: DYNATOX MINISTRIES

Pigs in Zen...

THE AFTER-LIFE STORY OF PORK KNUCKLES MALONE (2013 Bizarro Pulp Press / 93 pp / eBook & tp)

Daryl is a young man with a very special pet pig. He lives on a Wisconsin farm with his father Albert, and all's well until Albert decides his son is too close with a mere swine: he murders the poor pig with a chainsaw, breaking his son's heart in the process.

But now the pig (nick-named Pork Knuckles) is back, albeit in the form of a glazed ham. Daryl decides he can't take his dad's abuse anymore, so he places Pork Knuckles in his back pack and hits the road on his bicycle. It doesn't take long for things to go completely off-the-wall from there in MP Johnson's hysterical, demented road-trip tale that takes a look at the strength of friendship through a bizarro lense.

Daryl and his pet pig (ham) are soon confronted by a strange trucker, steroid-enhanced drag queens, are taken in by his aunt and uncle who are very twisted old school punks, and one chapter (told from the point of view of a fly named Zzz) had me laughing out loud. There are surprises on nearly every page, and the pace is completely frantic.

But what makes PORK KNUCKLES MALONE so different (besides it's obvious weirdness) is what becomes of the main characters: Daryl goes through a most unusual metamorphosis while his father and Pork Knuckles become something way out there... culminating in a several-chapter conclusion that combines a wacky look at creationism and a punk rock show to end all punk rock shows.

Having read most of Johnson's catalog, I can say this is easily his finest and most entertaining work to date.

Pre and Post Apocalyptic Epic Begins...

BLACK FEATHERS: THE BLACK DAWN VOLUME ONE by Joseph D'Lacey (to be released April, 2013 by Angry Robot Books / 377 pp / mmp & eBook)

This first installment of D'Lacey's Duology is part eco-terror, part dark fantasy, and parts pre and post apocalyptic horror.

The tale takes place in two times; one is the Black Dawn (close to our current time), where we follow the travels of fourteen year-old Gordon as the planet is in ecological collapse and his family have been taken by a growing, sinister new government. The second is in the future (known as the Bright Day), which deals with a young girl named Megan dealing with the aftermath of the Black Dawn. In both times, our young characters are on a quest to discover the meaning of the legendary Crowman, who may be the saviour of the world, or its curse ... or a bit of both.

D'Lacey fills this tale with a memorable cast (I particularly liked Megan's mentor, known only as Mr. Keeper), an aged mystic who leads her on her journey. Likewise, Gordon meets a small resistence group known as the Green Men, and becomes a member, but not all of them are of the same mindset.

Members of the new world goverment (known as The Ward) are deliciously wicked, especially their leader, Skelton, who uses nazi-like techniques to get information from turncoats and keeps his men in line with an iron fist.

The story plays out like a fantastical version of bible prophecy, and while it gets a tad preachy on ecological matters, it's quick, doesn't get annoying, and actually adds to the novel's overall chilling theme. With plenty material to satisfy fans of multi genres, BLACK FEATHERS is a well-written (if at times familiar) epic tale that'll have you waiting impatiently for the second book.

And yet Another COMIC GEEK UPDATE...

CONAN THE BARBARIAN No. 11: In Part Two of 'The Death,' Conan and Belit have docked in the waterfront town of Bakal as their crew suffers from a severe illness. It's an uneventful issue as Conan seeks a healer for his shipmates and lover, and Declan Shalvey's atrocious artwork doesn't help matters.

'The Death' story arc concludes in CONAN THE BARBARIAN no. 12, as Conan finally finds a healer to help his crew overcome the plague while the city's army attacks Conan and Belit's ship. The issue is a huge improvement over no. 11, but I'm hoping this is the last we see of Declan Shalvey's sloppy renderings. Part of what has made Dark Horse Comics' CONAN series so good has been the beautiful art, usually by the great Tomas Giorello, who is sorely missed.


The second issue of Dark Horse's EERIE relaunch features 3 tales of "science horror." The first, "Our Friend, The Ant," is a decent creepy-crawly romp, while "Signaling the End" is familiar but spooky. Closing tale "Experiment in Fear" is also familiar, but features good retro-looking artwork by Gene Colan. The stories (as in the CREEPY relaunch) all have a 60s/70s vibe, which in this day and age can get old quick. I'm still hoping the writing will break that mold.

I like how CREEPY keeps changing it's sub-heading, this time being "The Finest in Romantic Horror."  Opening tale, "Two Faces Have I," written and drawn by Gilbert Hernandez, reads and looks like something I sketched in my notebook in the 2nd grade. It's god-awful. "The Widower and the Mermaid" features decent art but reminded me too much of a similar, classic Neal Adams story. "Curse of the Moon Maiden" has been told a hundred times before, but Chrissie Zullo's artwork is a pleasure to look at. "Eye of the Beholder" is yet another familiar tale we've seen in CREEPY and EERIE over the years (it even looks like something from one of WARREN's early issues), while closing tale "Someone to Watch" ended up being my favorite, about a single guy who purchases a house haunted by a possessive female ghost. Peter Bagge contributes three one-paged humorous strips the comic could do without.
At this point, I'm seriously considering discontinuing collecting Dark Horses' EERIE and CREEPY relaunches. While I love the covers and the idea of old-school horror comics coming back, I can't see these titles lasting much longer unless they really pick things up in the script department. There have been few original tales so far and the goofiness factor seems to rise with each new issue.

Brian Keene's THE LAST ZOMBIE saga continues in BEFORE THE AFTER no. 3, where our team is still waiting out a blizzard inside a bunker in Iowa. There's a gruesome flashback scene that takes place in a hospital, while the current situation is still dealing with the zombie virus antidote.

In BEFORE THE AFTER No. 4, the snowstorm has stopped and the team plans to move out as Ian continues to lose his health. We're also taken back to pre-apocalypse days when Sergeant Warner's son came out of the closet, but I'm not sure at this point if this will be relevant to the story or if it's just another way to kill some pages before anything exciting happens in this seemingly monotonous melodrama. 

Something Truly Different

ROCK 'N' ROLL by L.L. Soares (2013 Gallows Press / 250 pp / tp)

Lash is a good looking guy who every woman wants ... but not just because he's handsome. He has a strange talent that enables those around him to experience super-enhanced sexual pleasure without him laying a finger on them. He makes a lot of money from his share of wealthy clients, and his ex-wife Lizzie is still obsessed with him, constantly sneaking into his house and begging for just one more roll in the hay ... because when Lash gets down on the floor and rolls around, he enters a trance-like state that has the aforementioned affect on people. Lizzie is the only one he has touched during this trance, and he's determined not to make that mistake again.

Lash is now trying to live a normal life with his new live-in girflriend, Miranda. He only gives her a small taste of his abilities, as he doesn't want to get her addicted like his ex-wife. And just when things begin to get on a semi-normal path, Lash goes to visit his best client and discovers him dead. The shock causes Lash to go into an uncontrollable roll-session that leads to his ability having much darker side effects.

ROCK 'N' ROLL is like an off-the-wall late night supernatural erotic thriller as directed by David Cronenberg. Soares blends several genres to deliver an original and quite difficult to put down tale (I read it in two sittings). There's wall-to-wall sex, but unlike a typical exploitation story it's key to the constantly-unfolding plot. This is a real wild ride that's highly recommended to those looking for something truly different.

As Challenging as it is Entertaining

DIEGESES by D. HARLAN WILSON (2013 Anti-Oedipus Press / 106 pp / eBook)

Wilson's latest is comprised of two novellas, each a bizarre trip through the eyes of a curious gent named Curd.

In 'The Bureau of Me,' a mysterious group attempt to get Curd to join their organization through the author's always mind-warping narrative. We're in some kind of futuristic society where cannibalism may or may not be symbolic and our anti-hero likes to drink profusely to try and figure things out. Curd eventually discovers the Bureau may be run by mothmen and deals with his constant dream-like state with more booze and having sex with his assistant known as Mz Hennington.

Curd returns in 'The Idaho Reality' as a soap opera star who goes by the name Seneca Beaulac. He attempts to deal with the unusual circumstances and technology he finds himself around. Told in short vignettes, this tale is like reading several mini-bizarro stories, one stranger (and more entertaining) than the next. We're constantly told Curd is a "shining example of unbridled assholery" and his assholism increases as the novella unfolds. The world here seems more chaotic than in the first novella, and Wilson dares the reader to even try to attempt to figure out his often sarcastic (and humorous) messages on society, fame, and accepting one's fate.

DIEGESES should delight fans of the author or anyone with a thirst for bizarro with a literary twist. This is a quick read, but one that's better off being read slow; you'll want to go back a few times in several sections just to make sure what you just read meant what you thought it meant. This is as challenging as it is entertaining...and not for a single second dull.

Goes Down Like a Good Ale...

HELLFIGHTER by David T. Wilbanks (2012 Acid Grave Press / 62 pp / eBook)

When the Conan-like Caddoc falls for a beautiful barmaid, she agrees to be with him IF he can manage to retrieve a rare green gem that's currently in the possession of a powerful wizard. Caddoc agrees (this woman must REALLY be good looking!) and begins his quest with the unlikely help of a slick demon and a strong priest. Along the way they encounter all kinds of strange monsters, fall into other dimensions, and even travel to hell itself.

With a wicked race of creatues known as Drakuli, non-stop bone-crushing violence, and even some humor thrown in, HELLFIGHTER is a fun read that can be consumed in one sitting...just like a good ale. Even if sword & sorcery isn't your thing, give this a try.

One Vicious Hare

JACK BUNNY BAM BAM AND THE WEEPER APOCALYPSE by Eric S. Brown (2013 Bizarro Pulp Press / 58 pp / eBook & tp)

Jack Bunny is a tall, green rabbit assassin living on a future earth. He's like a cross between Boba Fett, Rambo, and a mafia hitman. He lives within a city that's protected by a wall of flame that can only be crossed by reciting a secret incantation.

The rest of the world has been overrun by Weepers, people infected with a virus that turns them into zombie-like creatures whose tears can turn their victims into part of their army. But now the fuel that keeps the flame wall up is getting low, and Jack Bunny's enemies want to team with him to fight the coming Weeper invasion. What ensues is another non-stop, gory action romp from the author of the BIGFOOT WAR series, and I'm sure his fans won't be disappointed.

I had a blast with JACK BUNNY, but I don't know why this is being pushed as a bizarro story; it's more of a dark scifi action fantasy that at times reminded me of a violent Bugs Bunny-meets-Mad Max hybrid. Either way, this quick read is a real blast and I'd like to see more from this sarcastic, nasty little rabbit...

Faustus Returns...

FAUSTUS RESURRECTS by Thomas Morrissey (2012 Night Shade Books / 320 pp / tp & eBook)

Donovan Graham is a morotcycle-riding bartender working in mid-town Manhattan. He's also a recent graduate of occult studies, and is engaged to Joann, who works for the district attorney. Along with a Catholic priest named Father Carroll, he helps the police on a recent string of ususual murders dealing with the signs of the zodiac. Each one is more gruesome than the last, and one involving scorpions leads to a deeper investigation that make both men question their faith.

Donovan is then on the tail of a shady figure who we learn is bent on making a deal with the Devil that even the legendary Faust jumbled...and this figure has even managed to resurrect Faust himself to help him...or so he believes. And as if that weren't enough, even Mephistopheles gets in on the happenings...

Morrissey's debut novel starts a bit slow but by the mid-point is dripping with occult violence and interesting updates on the Faust story. I usually complain that most horror novels tend to end abruptly, but not here: the last hundred or so pages pits Donovan, Father Carroll, and the NYPD against a swarm of possessed homeless people tricked into helping bring about hell-on-earth right in the middle of Central Park's Great Lawn. There's plenty of suspense and the action comes quickly, and there's a nice surprise waiting at the end.

If you're a fan of occult horror some of this may feel a bit familiar, but it's apparent Morrissey had a blast writing this...and I had one reading it.

The Lost Films of Herschell Gordon Lewis

For those of us who have devoured and basically memorized Daniel Krogh’s 1983 book The Amazing Herschell Gordon Lewis and his World of Exploitation Films, this DVD/blu-ray combo from new company Vinegar Syndrome is somewhat of a miracle. THE LOST FILMS OF HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS features three Lewis films that haven’t seen the light of day since the glory days of drive-ins and inner-city grindhouses, and as the liner notes claim, “We can safely say that more hours were spent restoring each film than the combined production time of all three.” These film transfers are taken from the original 35mm negatives, and the quality of each film as presented here are simply beautiful.
While the only extras are trailers, an informative booklet and a set of film production cards, just having these films alone are worth the inexpensive price tag...that is, if you’re a serious fan of the director.

First up is THE ECSTASIES OF WOMEN, a1969 soft-X comedy about Harry, a swinging stud hanging with his buddies at a strip club the night before his wedding. He drinks and chain smokes with the guys as he thinks back on his past hook ups, beginning with one pretty brunette he meets at a bar. He takes her (and all others) back to his houseboat, where there’s a large bed, full bar, and a bathroom named “Brothel” in rope lettering. This guy is my new hero! (He’s played by Walter Camp in his only credited film role). Each time Harry begins to get busy with the ladies the score goes from dinner music mellow to upbeat funky jazz.
After this first awkward, funny, and terribly overdubbed sex scene, we’re back at the strip club where Harry and company are becoming drunker. One of the strippers joins the men at their stage-front table in what’s possibly a precursor to lap dances (who said Herschell wasn’t some sort of sleaze-prophet?). Then Harry drifts off again and remembers the time he met a pretty girl at the beach named—get this—Sandy. All she wants to do is shag, but Harry keeps on talking, making her say, “Life is short and shouldn’t be spent with diplomatic formalities.” He takes her to his houseboat and they fool around, but when Harry asks Sandy when he’ll see her again, she makes it abundantly clear this was a one-time thing; let’s hear it for hippie-era woman’s lib!
Then we’re back to the bar for more binge drinking, chain smoking, and topless waitress hi-jinks. Harry soon drifts off for the third recollection: he picks up a younger-looking girl in his convertible 1969 Plymouth Rebel (houseboat, cool car . . . again, this guy is The Man). He’s a bit concerned this one isn’t of age, and she teases that she has just escaped from juvenile detention. But she quickly convinces him she’s over 20 and the fun is on…back in the houseboat for more soft-X horsing around.

(Harry (Walter Camp) daydreams about a past love during his bachelor party in THE ECSTASIES OF WOMEN)
Back at the club, the party boys are now drunker than ever, and they manage to get four strippers to go back to Harry’s houseboat for a private party, which includes more drinking, nude dancing, and an orgy of sorts…although Harry and his new girl don’t fool around until everyone else has passed out.
In the “twist” ending, Harry decides to ditch his wedding and run off with the stripper who he has quickly fallen for.
While full of talk, much of it is funny, and unlike a lot of Lewis’ sex pictures most of the women here are quite attractive, although, of course, could have used some serious acting lessons. Too bad this was Walter Camp’s only film…the guy is a riot and a half.

Next up is Lewis’ long sought-after lesbian western, LINDA & ABILENE (1969). Well, at least over the years it has been known as a lesbian western, but an incest westernis a better moniker. Herschell directed this one under the pseudonym Mark Hansen.
The film begins like a standard western with the image of a woman riding a horse, but before the credits are half over she’s being raped by some cowboy under a tree. We’re then at the burial of Todd and Abilene Carter’s parents (talk about a juxtaposition). They now have to run the family ranch by themselves, and for the first half of the film Todd (Kip Marsh) and Abilene (Sharon Matt) prove to be two of the finer actors ever to grace a Lewis film (and that’s saying something).
The day after their parent’s funeral, Todd spies on Abilene washing herself in an isolated stream. Before long he walks around the house fighting feelings he now has for her, and Abilene also starts to wonder about Todd in ways she never thought of before. Some really silly dialogue comes into play during a sequence where Todd and Abilene—in their own beds—think about what the other person might be thinking about them.

(Abilene (Sharon Matt) and her brother Todd (Kip Marsh) "churn butter" in LINDA & ABILENE)
One night, while checking herself out naked in the mirror, a coyote howl causes her to scream, and Todd runs in to make sure she’s okay. Realizing she’s naked, he finally puts the moves on her and they proceed to have sex…twice.
The next day Abilene jumps her brother in the barn! Later that day Todd takes her in the kitchen! Then Abilene starts another quickie in the barn!
Once the brother/sister shag scenes begin, all dialogue stops for a good thirty minutes.The next day Todd does Abilene in the stream he had first saw her naked in, then they go home for another roll in Ab’s bedroom, then yet another session on the kitchen floor.
Todd finally starts to feel guilty over the incest, and decides he needs a woman he can “really love.” He heads into town and meets a woman (Linda) at the saloon…unaware a shady-looking cowboy overheard him tell Linda his sister was back home by herself.
Todd goes upstairs with Linda and the cowboy mounts his horse. As Todd has his way with Linda, the cowboy cons a meal from Abilene then rapes her on the kitchen floor (he turns out to be the same rapist we saw during the opening credits). Way out of place action-movie music takes over the soundtrack here and gives the scene a feel that’s anything but dreadful.
Todd returns home the next morning to discover what happened to his sister, who is furious he wasn’t home to help her. She kicks him out, and he pledges to kill her rapist.
As Todd is out seeking Abilene’s assailant, Linda comes to the house looking for Todd. Abilene explains that he’s gone, and it doesn’t take long for Linda to figure out she was lovers with her brother. Linda then gets Abilene to tell her about her rape, and as she does she puts the moves on her. This Linda turns out to be a REAL sleaze ball! She seduces Abilene in a gratuitous lesbian scene while Todd manages to find out the rapist’s name is Rawhide (!) and the two duke it out in front of the saloon, eventually shooting each other.
Abilene and Linda bury Todd, and then ride off together as amazing grace plays on the soundtrack.
My first question is just why this film is called Linda & Abilene? If anything, it should be called Todd & Abilene, or, at the very least, Abilene & Linda. But this is a 1969 sexploitation film shot on the infamous Spahn Movie Ranch, which makes one wonder if Manson himself wasn’t somehow inspired by this festering chunk of celluloid obscurity. Abilene (Sharon Matt) is an attractive, younger-looking woman who spends the majority of her screen time in the buff. Todd and Rawhide are featured still wearing pants in most of their sex scenes (a staple of soft core films of the time), and the older-looking Linda (Roxanne Jones) brings that black widow-vibe into the picture. While there have been stranger and wilder westerns, LINDA & ABILENE is a real off-the-wall offering from our favorite trash film director, and is arguably his most polished-looking feature.

The Lost Films collection concludes with BLACK LOVE (1971), a film I had read was Lewis’ entry into the 70s blaxploitation subgenre, and although it features an all black cast, it isn’t a blaxploitation picture despite the fact it greatly exploits blacks. While it can be considered a celebration of “black culture,” others may see it as a blatantly racist film, especially in light of the way the ever-present narrator speaks about blacks as if he’s hosting a National Geographic special…as if they’re a non-human species. In fact, the entire film is narrated with no dialogue between the un-credited characters, and the opening monologue attempts to explain the film as a “scientific experiment” using black people who the film makers went into black neighborhoods to interview and consult with. Umm…yeah, I bet!
As the opening credits roll, we’re told BLACK LOVE “is not an erotic sex film but a study of an important aspect of the black experience.” Who comes up with this stuff?!
Under yet another name, Lewis directs this one as “R.L. Smith” and begins things with an older teenage male sliding and riding swings in an urban playground. A couple begin to have sex in a nearby car, and the teen watches as the narrator explains this is one way black kids learn about “Black Love.” This sequence also features close ups of penetration, which would easily earn the film an XXX rating today. And trust me…none of it is a turn on.

(Un-credited dancers get funky in a tamer scene from BLACK LOVE)
The next two sequences are among the most disturbing in Lewis’ entire catalog: First we find a young girl (who looks to be about 12) waking up late one night to use the bathroom when she hears her parents making noise. She peeks through their bedroom door and watches them do the horizontal mambo. The looks on the girl’s face are hilarious, but I hope this young actress didn’t have to watch the actual sex footage. Secondly we see an even younger girl returning from a store when she hears her neighbors having sex. She watches them through their bedroom window, and again we’re shown hardcore penetration in the style of an educational sex-education film. At this point I wondered just what on earth Lewis was thinking here, but thankfully the DVD’s enclosed booklet sheds some much needed light on the background of the project. Either way, these two scenes are quite uncomfortable and I hope to forget them ASAP.
Suddenly, BLACK LOVE switches to an artistic shot of a man and a woman posing nude as the narrator tells us what black people symbolize. This sequence becomes as tedious as it is ridiculous and almost feels like we’re watching a different film.
Then things begin to look like a typical Lewis nudie flick, as we’re taken into a black night club as a gratuitous dance scene ensues. The narrator goes on psychobabbling about the “black experience” and eventually the dancers are bopping around the stage in their birthday suits.
Next we’re inside a woman’s apartment as a young man comes for a visit. The narrator continues his National Geographic-documentary tone as they get busy on the couch with more hardcore close-ups. In a funny conclusion, the girl’s mother walks in on them and makes the guy scram…after she watches for a few moments.
BLACK LOVE’s final scene features the oldest-looking couple who are also painfully unattractive. At this point the narrator has either made your mind numb or caused you to hit the mute button. What follows is a typical XXX sequence, complete with the most un-erotic oral sex scene ever filmed (next to PINK FLAMINGOS) and more hideous-looking penetration footage. Thank goodness for the FF feature, which theater patrons were not fortunate enough to have the option of using.
Of the three films, THE ECSTASIES OF WOMEN is the most enjoyable, a perfect film for when the guys come over and you just want to kick back and have some corny laughs and a few cold ones. LINDA & ABILENE is easily the highest quality of the lot, with some nice settings and acting superior to anything Lewis had done before (or since). BLACK LOVE is a curious piece for hardcore (full pun intended) fans of the director, but I doubt many will last through even half of its running time without skipping through it.
I don’t see anyone who isn’t a fan of Herschell Gordon Lewis wanting to see these films, and even then only serious fans need bother. These aren’t the gore films that gained Lewis his large fan base during the 80s home video explosion. They’re nudie features, created for the sole purpose of making money (and according to the enclosed booklet by Casey Scott, Lewis cleaned up quite nicely with BLACK LOVE). Granted, all of Lewis’ pictures were made with the sole intention of making money, but at least his horror films had an ounce of redeeming value, and some have stood the test of time.

As far as the DVD/blu-ray itself, new company Vinegar Syndrome has done an incredible job of restoring these films from their presumed lost 35mm negatives. The DVD looks nearly as good as the blu-ray, and both are part of this combo pack for you to decide. The included, aforementioned booklet by Casey Scott is quite informative, and the reproductions of production cards are a neat little treat.
This here’s a company with a lot of promise for grindhouse movie fans. Their future catalog looks interesting, so if this is your bag check ‘em out at Vinegar Syndrome.
As for The Lost Films of Herschell Gordon Lewis, all I can say is I felt like I’ve been bashed over the head with a heavy-duty time capsule that was never meant to be rediscovered. And that’s a good thing.