Tyler Colins's Blog, page 69

The Journey (Continues): Conversations with God

I’ve been talking to God a lot.  I’m not sure He’s actually listening, though my Christian friends would declare that He most certainly is.

The important thing is I’m sharing my thoughts and emotions, pain and turmoil.  It feels good to purge.  That intermittent, pitiful why-me-God? tone and attitude, however, can be a bit much.  If it’s proving annoying to yours truly, I can only imagine what it must be doing for the Big Guy.  <LOL> 

I really need to get back to church, but I’m juggling too many things and I’m often tired—emotionally and mentally, as well as physically.  But I’ll return, of this there’s no doubt.

The good thing for now is that I am pretty much back on track.  Once again, I'm keeping the faith and maintaining the belief: everything in its own sweet time.  It’s all good.

. . . I think I’ll go count me a few blessings.   

Thanks for the “Gnarly” Memories

Traveled back in time the other night.  Like, 30+ years.  Watched a show from the early 80s.  The plot: band wars in a grotty LA bar. 

The “bad guys” were in a punk band (they didn’t sound half bad, LOL) while the “good guys" (uh, gal) belonged to a new wave one.  The clothes: classic black versus white.  How good-bad obvious can you get?  Like, really LOL.

It seems but a few days ago I was sporting black spikes, toe-crushing pointed booties, and buckles galore.  Make-up was intense and Goth was my middle name.  Slam-dancing and skanking in dark and cavernous clubs was par for the course.  And being in the music biz allowed yours truly to hang around with some very notable folks . . . which garnered a lot of [silly] envy back then. 

I’d forgotten those totally bitchin’ days—purposely, I’m certain—but that show brought it all back.  Time truly does fly . . . like a bat out of hell.   

Grab it, embrace it, cherish it.

. . . Like totally.

N'oublions Pas / Lest we Forget

Another year and another day to pay tribute to those courageous, selfless men and women who served/serve their country.  Truly, though, we should honor them all year round.   

Whenever I see a troop, I feel honored, even emotional.  That these individuals are ready to give up their lives to help make the world a safer, freer place fills me with respect and awe. 

Canadians often sport artificial poppies prior to and on Remembrance Day.  Red ones are to remember those who died and white ones—this I’m new to—“campaign for non-military interventions in conflict situations”.  Poppies, as an FYI, were plentiful on battlefields; hence, the practice.

So, come November 11th (the 11th of the 11th month), at the 11th hour—the date and time when WWI  ended—let’s take two minutes to remember all those courageous persons who laid (and continue to lay) their lives on the line for us. 

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place: and in the sky
The larks still bravely singing fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

(In Flanders Fields by John McCrae)

God Bless.

The Journey: Silence

silence = stillness = peace

Silence is golden.  So the saying goes.  Sometimes it’s good to be quiet.  To not voice concerns, regrets, anger, or resentment.  Sometimes it’s fine to simply give over.  Not up.  Just over.

On occasion you have to step away, wave “time out”, not chastise or question or hope or pray.  Now and again, you must admit defeat—without surrendering or despairing.

Being silent means remaining voiceless . . . being the one to watch and listen . . . prevailing as a leader with no followers.

Standing alone and still—and embracing isolation—guarantees peace, within and without.  

Silence is golden.  A truer proverb has never been spoken.

   

The Journey: Found a Friend

It’s proven interesting week.  Something good did happen—I made a new friend.   

Funny, just when you believe things truly will never change, that agreeable/wonderful incidents or events only happen to others, something pleasant transpires: you connect with someone.

Maybe this friendship won’t go further than a movie night or chats/coffees at work, but that’s okay.  It’s awesome to have a friend to share with—a friend who has similar issues and understands where you’re coming from.

Every time I’ve ever become remotely happy, the rug has been pulled out from underneath (it’s been this way since I can remember).  So, for the moment, I’ll take it as it comes and go with the flow.  But you know, if this happened, maybe—just maybe—other good things will, too. 

My new friend had said: “God wants you to be happy; God wants you to have a life of your own”.  I must cling fast to this and keep that faith I always speak/write of, but often struggle to maintain.

Here’s to a new week . . . to God loving me . . . to better/calmer days . . . to evolving into the person I want and need to be . . . and embracing [and applying] the talents I’ve been granted.  Here’s to good things indeed.

The Journey: Waffling & Wavering

waffling = vacillating = being evasive

wavering = faltering = whiffle waffle/ing

I’ve kinda been in two headspaces lately—one where I’m waffling (sticking my head in the sand and hoping, because I can’t see anything, it’s not there) and one where I’m faltering and fumbling, and whiffle-waffling (like being on a yesteryear see-saw).   <LOL>

Being a caregiver is tough . . . even tougher when you’re holding down a crazy-busy full-time job.  In the last week, I’ve been told three different things by three different people:

you’re giving too much of yourself

you’ve got too much on your plate for one person

you’re gonna crack.

The last one was oddly [darkly] amusing . . . because I already have—twice!  <LMAO> 

In truth, I know I can continue doing this—working full-time while serving as caregiver—much as I’m not (in all honesty) overly ecstatic about it.  It’s been a long, long, long time that I’ve had my own life and space, but even then it was limited.  Those apron strings simply never got cut, for some unfathomable reason, but who can argue with God?  If it’s in His plan, it’s in His plan. 

This family (my mom, dad, me) have always been incredibly strong, kinda like the mighty Sequoia.  Many a time we’ve fallen, tumbled and toppled, but being ever-resilient, we've always managed to “re-stand” and re-stand tall.

This week, yeah, it’s been a challenge, but it’s over and a new week beginneth.  Who knows what it will bring?  A [big] lottery win?  The possibility of arranging a trip “home” (to Hawaii)?   A fresh(er) outlook?  A new friend?

Good things do happen.  Maybe even to me.   <LOL>   I shall keep the faith, even during my wiffle-waffling, wavering moments.  

The Journey: Dormancy

dormancy = inactivity = time-out

It’s not a bad thing, dormancy.  It . . . simply is.

Life with Mom continues.  Nothing has changed.  I’ll confess there’s the odd day I want to smash my head into a brick wall because I simply can’t stand the monotony of having to do all, and that a social life and friends are non-existent.  But most days, I’m fine—it’s truly all good. 

Take our evening DVD watching.  Right now we’re going through an old show called CHiPs.  I’d heard of it, but never watched it back when (motorcycle cop escapades probably held little personal appeal).  Picked up Season 1 for $10 at Walmart and started watching.  You know what?  It’s pretty darn enjoyable and a great way to experience some [necessary] time-out. 

It’s kinda like Little House on the Prairie . . . on wheels.  It’s wholesome.  Who doesn’t love happy endings in a world filled with strife and anger, and bloodshed? 

Larry Wilcox as Officer Jonathan Andrew "Jon" Baker and Erik Estrada as Officer Francis (Frank) Llewelyn "Ponch" Poncherello are totally likeable.  The stories may be a little dated sometimes, but all and all, CHiPs is very watchable. 

If you haven’t seen the show, and you’re looking to [truly] escape with some entertaining “family-rated” DVD fun, go for it.  You won’t be disappointed.

 

Blog Gobbling . . . or Why Canada Celebrates Thanksgiving in October

Some curious facts about Canadian Thanksgiving, which occurs a few weeks before that of our American friends . . .

The first North-American Thanksgiving celebration took place in Canada (Newfoundland, to be precise).  It was 1578 when English explorer Martin Frobisher decided to give thanks for safe arrival in the New World.  (This, by the by, was 43 years before those quaint pilgrims landed in Plymouth, Mass.)

Thanksgiving wasn’t celebrated every year, just on special occasions—such as the jubilees of Queen Victoria and in April 1872, when the country gave thanks to celebrate King Edward VII’s return to good health from a grave illness.

In fact, Thanksgiving once served as a holiday honoring Canada’s monarchy (those UK crown-heavy folks I assume).

In 1901 and 1904, Thanksgiving above the 49th Parallel was held on a Thursday in November.  And from 1922 to 1930, it was celebrated on November 11th, now known as Remembrance Day.

Thanksgiving was pronounced a national holiday in 1879: November 6th to be precise.  It was only in 1957, that Parliament declared it would officially take place the second Monday in October (although this has apparently been the case since 1931). 

Another reason for the earlier Thanksgiving is that Canada has a shorter harvesting season due to its northern location.  As Canadians like to give gratitude for bountiful crops, October seemed the right time to do so.

One last interesting fact: Thanksgiving is only a statutory holiday in a few provinces.  In the east—specifically PEI, Newfoundland and Labrador, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia—it’s an optional holiday.  (Who knew?)

Ya truly learn something new every day.   

Have a gobblin' good Thanksgiving, eh?

The Journey: Non-Resistance

Wow.  Not like me to miss a weekend Typepad post.  Must have really been unfocused.  <LOL>  Ah well.  As the saying goes, better late than never.

A week and a bit have gone by and all appears okay.  Mom’s back is bothering her again, but not every day, so this is good.  She’s doing fairly well; me, not so much.

Still having the odd moment where I roll my eyes and mutter “like really?”  It sucks to stagnate, and this I will readily [honestly] state, but I must accept  what’s happening at present.  It’s God’s plan; as such, it is and it shouldn’t be resisted.

accepting = acknowledging = understanding

If you don’t resist something, you can’t get stressed by it, upset or angry; you’re simply going with the flow.  And this is perfectly okay.

If major things can’t change, maybe a couple of teeny-weeny ones can.  Here’s to moving forward—with baby steps—and taking all with humility and acknowledgement.  

It truly is all how you look at it (with analytical eyes and open heart) . . . and accept with non-resistance.  You can learn a lot [and grow] on such a journey.  Here's to becoming a stronger, wiser, and better person.

The Journey: Acceptance

to accept = to accede, undertake, bear, shoulder

The ongoing journey re my mom is less stressful and emotional this week.  Yay! 

I met with our doctor, who provided some solid advice.  The main take-away: you must accept the situation for what it is.  Once you accept, you’re going with the flow and taking circumstances in stride. 

Per my newly acquired therapist, you don’t have to like what’s going on, but acceptance enables you to better handle a situation and alter the things within that might be leading to stress/anxiety.

Sheri Van Dijk’s Calming the Emotional Storm is one source for helping with this:

“ Readers learn to understand and manage their emotions and begin to choose their actions rather than acting on impulses. They also practice calming their emotions in times of stress by embracing acceptance and fostering positive emotions about themselves. These life-changing skills can save many readers from unnecessary suffering due to the "emotional storm" inside.”

Think I have me some reading to do!