Mel Ryle's Blog, page 2
October 11, 2016
The Demons in my Head
Mental Illness is not imaginary. It isn’t unusual or new. It’s real. I call them the demons in my head. I don’t want your sympathy or to be treated like I’m losing a battle. Because the moment that you do, it will mean I lost the battle in my head. People think words don’t have power. In ways, words wield an emotional aspect in which only humans can understand. It can either be poison or strength that boost them to be great. You might be thinking, what is the connection between mental illness and words? A lot. Because what people say to others can and will affect them.
For my case, when I was young, I was bullied in psychological and verbal way. And for the most part of my life, I thought I was insignificant in this world. My very existence had no meaning. My bully made me feel I wasn’t important to be alive. The person hadn’t say this out loud, but words were said enough that the mind understand the meaning behind it. Too much negativity can and will affect ones way of thinking and how the person perceive life. In this case, my childhood affected the way I see life growing up. I became a pessimist. I don’t trust people too much. I fear rejection. And the growing social anxiety doesn’t help at all.
The scar inflicted in my mind wasn’t going away. I experience a lot of mental breakdowns, tantrums without reason, the feeling of wanting to be away from crowds, not liking to be touched. These were signs I hadn’t known which shows I struggle with the demons in my head.
The way I fought back these demons weren’t easy tasks. I’ve never view myself as a fighter, because all I knew were the pain will be there. I know it isn’t healthy how I’ve been dealing with it. But for me, it works. And I’m alive and still living.
I create walls and I find distractions. I had buried the past and faced my future. But let me tell you, this doesn’t always works. Once wounded, the scar lingers. And in a matter of time, it does catch up and I will face my demons again. There are days, which are bright, and there are those darker days I can’t face with my eyes open. People forget it is the littlest things that can help someone feel alive. Like taking a bath, reading a book, listening to music, eating something delicious, even looking at beautiful scenery. Something that can make you feel you are there and you are alive.
I continue fighting because I want to, not need to. I do not need someone to be my anchor. I want that anchor to be my will to want to live. Why? Because in my head, what I fear the most and scared me forever, is the fear of not being important. I had been there in my life. I had cried nights for it. And still I get teary whenever I remember that feeling. I don’t want myself to allow others make me feel unimportant. I want myself to know I am important. And it’s all that matters.
For those who have bad days, and those who are struggling with your own demons, know that you aren’t worthless. You mean the world for those who have yet and had met you. You influence and create change in the world. You do matter.
“Not Until We Are Lost Do We Begin To Understand Ourselves. ”
– Henry David Thoreau
#WorldMentalHeathDay #FreeMentalillness
June 18, 2016
An Open letter to aspiring young writers.
Dear You – whoever you are that aspire to be a published writer,
I was once like you. Timid and conscious about other people’s opinion of the stories I created. My mind was also clouded by all of those fear. But it doesn’t last.
I assure you that you’ll outgrew it.
The first time I written a story and posted it publicly was around my high school. I never received the feedback that had would have changed my life, but what I got was a criticism that would made me strive harder.
I wasn’t special – not really talented about anything that might stood out – but I believed in my freedom to imagine worlds and life. Yet I never let my mind be open to others. I kept those stories to myself. Why?
One: This world can be too judgemental.
I happened to be a constant target of judgement and comparison by people who were greater than me. I never thought highly of myself and no one told me that I should be greater than what I am.
Two: What if it wasn’t accepted.
What if the stories I wrote wasn’t unique or different or eye catching. What if I wasn’t good at it.
And lastly: My grammar had always sucked.
Says my older sister, my english teacher (I’m not going to say which grade) that might not know their words actually meant to ruin my enthusiasm to improve, and everyone who had ever read the essays I wrote for school – since I couldn’t really get passed those.
In conclusion, I had a lack of self confidence to want and tried to pick up a paper and start a sentence to describe those stories in my head for the whole world to read.
Now, you might be asking me, how I got the courage to take that step?
There wasn’t any special event that had happened. Nor any fairy godmother like person who pushed me to take that leap. But it was a series of events that led me to make that choice.The one chip that fell, which caused a continues reaction to my subconscious mind, was what my aunt had said to me.
“She told me that I am my own. What made me who I am, what I achieve, it is at my own pace. No one could compare to you for they hadn’t lived your life, and they aren’t you.”
You might think that something like is common knowledge. But it was at that moment I understood what those words truly meant. But I hadn’t suddenly grew the wings and the confidence from those words she had said. It was gradual.
It was three year after that point I found myself looking at an empty page and let the image in my head turn into words. I didn’t worry about whether someone like it, or someone thought my grammar was awful. When I put those what was on my head into my own words, I felt a sense of relief and accomplishment. Like I had broken out of a cage.
There are those young writer who are terrified to take that first step. To pick up a pen and write. My advise to you is do it. Just write. If you aren’t ready for the world to see your mind, then don’t. Take your time. But don’t allow to deprive yourself in doing what you love.
One of these day you will have that courage to take a leap. And when it comes, no ceiling can stop you from flying.
” Take a pen and start one word at a time. ”
May 22, 2016
Dating Mr. Mogul
Here is your mission!
On my website there is an epic countdown timer. When that countdown timer reaches 00:00:00 go to the links provided on my blog and get the book. IF you want to you can get the book right now if you really really really want it (we are all little rebels here I get it), but I beg you to wait until the timer reaches 00:00:00.
http://mel-ryle.awesomeauthors.org/
Then you can get the book! If you don’t have an amazon account then you can make one super quick. Or you can just use your parents or friends amazon account (hehe, it’s not against the rules if everybody does it).
And then PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave a review. Even if you don’t get the book (especially if you don’t get the book) then you can leave a review. Tell Amazon how much you love the story.
Heck if you DON’T like the book then feel free to leave a nasty review. (I will still love you… though I might not be able to defend you from my army of ninja’s, hehe).
Even if you don’t have an amazon account you can go through a friend’s amazon account and review it that way. Those reviews will guarantee the epicness of this book. Please spread the love.
P.S. My publisher has even promised to put your name in the book as thank you when you leave a review as long as you do it this week.[image error] OOOhhh… I love this.[image error] I get to show how amazing the Melonies are!!![image error] In other-words if you buy the book and leave a review on it by the end of the week. Then my publisher will update the book and put YOUR name in the updated version!
So…. Now for some shameless begging. Please go buy (When the count down timer hits 00:00:00) AND leave a review. I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!!
P.S.S. Because you’ve read all the way here, I wanted to let you know….MEETING MR. MOGUL IS FREE ON AMAZON! Grab it now!
May 8, 2016
Cebu Readers! Surprise for you!
For my Cebu readers, I have a really awesome surprise for you!
My publisher is planning on a book launch/signing, right here in Cebu! I’ll have details for you SOON, but the tentative date is on May 21, the day before the international launch of the book!
If you want to be a part of it and get the chance to buy the physical book of Meeting Mr. Mogul and Dating Mr. Mogul (and score free coffee, sponsored by my publisher), let me know by filling up this form:
bitly.com/IAmGoing2DMMLaunch
Maraming Salamat!
(Di ko kahuwat na magkitakita ta tanan!)
With Love,
Mel.
Character’s Magazine
I have amazing announcements, but I’ll keep it short!
Remember Character’s Magazine? The free magazine who interviewed William and Andy? Well, the magazine will be launching as an app soon, and WE WANT YOU IN IT!
If you’ve read the magazine, take a looksie on your chance to fame here: bitly.com/Secret4MagReaders
It’s going to be exciting!
That’s all for now, folks!
May 1, 2016
We’re Getting Published! Again!
I actually have some big news! And before I get run away with feelings, I want to thank you first—every single one of you who have been reading my stories from the very start, and even the ones who’ve just jumped along the fun with us. If it weren’t for you all, my first book would’ve flunked! I owe this news to all of you guys.
The sequel of Meeting Mr. Mogul is getting PUBLISHED!
The book’s coming out on MAY 22, 2016 .
I’ve been writing since I don’t know when and it’s already such a success for me to finish a story, what more to have readers who support me like you all do! A second book, can you believe that?
Again, I want to thank all of you! You’re all my favourite people in the world! I started writing only as a hobby, but now it’s turned out to be something far better than I could’ve ever imagined. And I am truly grateful that you’ve all been enjoying that. I want to give you all a big bear hug right this very moment.
And don’t worry, guys. I will still be here on Wattpad, how else will we be able to remain in contact? But my publisher has asked me to take down the last few chapters before publishing for copyright issues. While that may turn your smiles upside down, don’t get upset just yet. Pretty please? Because I will be holding a few splendid stuff before then! And I am so thrilled by this.
Because of your love and support, I’m giving you something even better instead! Yup, that’s right! Since you all spoiled me with support, I will be giving away never before seen content, including freebies from the book!!! Are you as excited by this as I am?
Cover creators, be ready for the contest!
Writers who want to get published, watch out for an opportunity during the launch!
Amazing fans, get ready for A LOT of freebies!
Cebu fans, I have a surprise for you soon!
I am so excited that I might just spill the secret.
Watch out for this space people!
With love, Mel.
April 9, 2016
Pass or Fail
In my years as a college student, those two words held me like leash. Yet no one had question the authority given to the person who held such power. Maybe your right to pass was because you were excellent and aces every test on the subject. Or your right to fail is because you didn’t work hard enough to get to this person’s standard. But what right is a teacher to give his subjective decision whether to pass or fail a student?
I was raised in a family of teachers and professors. I know the technical aspect of calculating grades; even our own professors discuss their grading system on the first day of class. Yet there are those who are an exemption to these standards. And this kind of teacher I can never ever understand nor respect their methods of teaching. These kinds of teachers are – to plainly say – their word is law.
Favoritism is another aspect and trait for this type of educator – well, more like dictator. They are categories by two types: the educator dictator – one who actually lectures in class yet made the test so far for what they’ve discuss and difficult enough you know you’ll never ace it, and the dictator educator – one who let’s the class do group reporting to teach the class what they were supposed to teach, and let’s not start what kind of test they give.
“A teacher does not terrorize ignorant students, because a true teacher knows it is his job to cure ignorance,” a quote by Dr. Miriam Defensor Santiago, senator of the republic of the Philippines.
As a student, who actually both passed and failed (only thrice) in my years in college, I understood that getting through these kinds of educators, there is no fairness or common ground. Though you were present in class, did all that had been asked of you, making your home works, even barely passed the exam, these kind of teacher wouldn’t see your own dedication and struggle unless they decide you have exceed a certain expectation they want from you. And know and understand that we are all exceeding in different areas and aspects in life. Even if this educator said you’d never pass this subject, know that those words don’t describe yourself worth.
It is you who knows yourself better than others. But understand that these kinds of people are there to challenge your full potential. Though it doesn’t mean their methods of teaching is tolerable, know they aren’t for the heart but for the mind – meaning, do not take it personal unless they do it first. You just have to get their approval without diminishing your own worth.
Also there is a limit to how these educators can get their way. There are laws even above them, for no man is above the law.
April 3, 2016
New Story – The Reason Why
I’ve just posted the Prologue and Chapter one of my latest story in Wattpad titled The Reason Why.
This story is different from my other story in term on POV, since this one is on the male lead’s perspective, and the second would be the theme and plot. It is more mature and serious. It covers about divorce, child custody, and possibly domestic abuse. These might be the theme of both of my story, which will be out this year.
For a sneak preview, here is the prologue.
Prologue
“The people you meet are there to help find your better self.
No matter how some of them hurt you.
There is always a reason why.”
Falling in love is easier said than done. You need to find the one who made you feel alive, happy, and everyday the dream was part of reality. But this wasn’t love. For someone whose life was well managed and planned, one wrong move could shatter that implied perfection. I knew there was no such thing as perfect. Not in life and definitely not in love.
My vision narrowed. The busy street looked like it was in dramatic slow motion as I drove back to one of the residence I owned. Once the red light turned green, my black Audi roared to life as I stepped on the gas pedal. The car lunched towards the busy street of rush hour morning in Chicago. In a few minutes, I arrived at the garage of the condo building. With ease, I drove towards my parking spot beside my other collection of expensive cars. But at the moment, I hadn’t felt smug about having them. Not even the fifteen million penthouse I was heading up made me felt an ounce of the rich businessman in Chicago Forbes had listed.
At the moment, I felt like just an ordinary man. Someone who struggled and hurt like being kicked hard in the crouch, which was how it felt when I saw her with him. Looking at the empty spacious living room, the thousands of dollar furniture, it didn’t mean anything. The life I made for both of us shattered into nothingness.
I felt the phone in my blazer pocket buzzed. It brought me out of my trance. With heavy hands, I pulled out the phone and stared at the caller I.D. My body relaxed when I saw the name.
“Hey,” I said after answering and placed the phone on my ear.
“Are you okay?” a familiar voice asked on the other end.
“Do I sound okay?” I countered with a shaky breath.
“What do you want to do now?”
“I need to disappear for awhile.” I whispered mechanically.
“How can I help?”
For more, here is the link of chapter one: The Reason Why – Chapter one
March 23, 2016
What is it like to publish your first book?
When I first started writing, I never envisioned myself publishing my first book at the age of 20. Though I had started young, writing diaries and stories where it didn’t seem to have an end, it was messy. But I won’t say I’m at par with Danielle Steele or Nicholas Sparks now – not even close. Yet I did grow as a writer on my own.
When I published my first book, it was a big deal. It took time for me to get it in my system that I had written a 300+ page novel in under a year. But I never really thought of how long I had written. What mattered to be me then was if the story I had written made me want to read it. Having exposed to great authors and reading their works, it hadn’t pressured me to be great, rather it inspired me to want to write something that would gave me the same effect as those books had for me in an emotional level.
I don’t want to sugar coat it. The first time I’ve posted my story in the Internet was nerve wrecking. What got me the courage to press the ‘publish’ button was the thought of sharing my story. And what it felt like when someone understood what you had written and connect to that character.
When I read my first ever review on a short story I had written, it gave me a sudden rush of euphoria and accomplishment. Even those constructive criticisms hadn’t dented my will to continue writing, though I had little confidence to go on. But it all comes down to belief on your own strength and capabilities. Even if English wasn’t my mother tongue, it hadn’t stopped me from using it as my main language in writing.
But it doesn’t mean I’ve neglected in learning the language itself. I won’t deny my sloppy grammar and typo errors, which could easily be fix by studying and knowing your own weaknesses. Yet to have the passion to want to learn, it is a different roadblock to face. It wouldn’t really be a hindrance if you love the topic you are studying.
After my first book had published, I saw a lot of faults in my own writing habits and ignorance of the craft. Writing a book isn’t just grabbing a pen and scribbling whatever idea comes up on the top of your head. It is systematic. Every plot twist and turns, how the character acts, even minor details needs to be planned. You live and breathe in these stories and invest in trying to tell the story as clean and direct as possible. It is difficult to hold people’s interest when you don’t know what kind of topic you wanted to tell. Before taking up your computer and laptop to write chapter one, it is best to note down what story are you writing.
It was a learning experience each time I wrote a new book. For me, it is best to learn while applying it at the same time. That way you wouldn’t forget your self, because for one, the world would see it and some level of embarrassment is needed to keep egos in check. Though I’m a published author now, I still have a long way to go as a writer.
What is it like as a first time Author?
When I first started writing, I never envisioned myself publishing my first book at the age of 20. Though I had started young, writing diaries and stories where it didn’t seem to have an end, it was messy. But I won’t say I’m at par with Danielle Steele or Nicholas Sparks now – not even close. Yet I did grow as a writer on my own.
When I published my first book, it was a big deal. It took time for me to get it in my system that I had written a 300+ page novel in under a year. But I never really thought of how long I had written. What mattered to be me then was if the story I had written made me want to read it. Having exposed to great authors and reading their works, it hadn’t pressured me to be great, rather it inspired me to want to write something that would gave me the same effect as those books had for me in an emotional level.
I don’t want to sugar coat it. The first time I’ve posted my story in the Internet was nerve wrecking. What got me the courage to press the ‘publish’ button was the thought of sharing my story. And what it felt like when someone understood what you had written and connect to that character.
When I read my first ever review on a short story I had written, it gave me a sudden rush of euphoria and accomplishment. Even those constructive criticisms hadn’t dented my will to continue writing, though I had little confidence to go on. But it all comes down to belief on your own strength and capabilities. Even if English wasn’t my mother tongue, it hadn’t stopped me from using it as my main language in writing.
But it doesn’t mean I’ve neglected in learning the language itself. I won’t deny my sloppy grammar and typo errors, which could easily be fix by studying and knowing your own weaknesses. Yet to have the passion to want to learn, it is a different roadblock to face. It wouldn’t really be a hindrance if you love the topic you are studying.
After my first book had published, I saw a lot of faults in my own writing habits and ignorance of the craft. Writing a book isn’t just grabbing a pen and scribbling whatever idea comes up on the top of your head. It is systematic. Every plot twist and turns, how the character acts, even minor details needs to be planned. You live and breathe in these stories and invest in trying to tell the story as clean and direct as possible. It is difficult to hold people’s interest when you don’t know what kind of topic you wanted to tell. Before taking up your computer and laptop to write chapter one, it is best to note down what story are you writing.
It was a learning experience each time I wrote a new book. For me, it is best to learn while applying it at the same time. That way you wouldn’t forget your self, because for one, the world would see it and some level of embarrassment is needed to keep egos in check. Though I’m a published author now, I still have a long way to go as a writer.
