Anna Blake's Blog, page 36

Photo and Poem: What If?

 

There is a crisp apple coolness to the air. Soon there

will be frost, I tell the horses, soon the flies will be

gone. The northern air makes the herd buck and snort

steam, but might as well be blood on the wind for

elders bearing heavy mortality, unable to catch the

air, joints too thick to run. Don’t show the herd

your pain. The bay seems to have aged a decade in

a day, older than her years compared to those spared

an injury. Crippled from wear that cannot be healed,

the ache sits in deep ruts around her eye, her back

held tight as a fist. From the comfort of my warm

room. Is more time a blessing for her or selfish for

me? Afraid to say it aloud. Is it a good day to die?

What if the brave love needed for this decision was

the price of admission to share their pasture after

our days, while those who resigned their horses to

years of pain, for lack of courage, were left in an

uneven cold limbo; a drylot, hard ground and stale

water. Would we make the kind choice sooner if

their unnatural suffering was truly our own to carry?

…

Anna Blake at Infinity Farm

Want more? Join us at The Barn, our online training group with video sharing, audio blogs, live chats with Anna, and so much more. Or go to annablake.com to subscribe for email delivery of this blog, see the Clinic Schedule, or ask a question about the art and science of working with horses.

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The Thing About Donkeys

 

Click to view slideshow.

 

 

I wrote about mares and the response was so huge that I felt guilty and wrote about geldings. Since then, the requests have been about donkeys, but I’m more thoughtful. Because donkeys require consideration. Because I’m bluntly defensive of donkeys.

The sunflower cart photo is of me and my first rescue, Ernest. Some of us longears had been invited to a draft horse show to do a demo. Just before this photo, we’d been parked at the side of the entry road waiting for the class before us to be called in. Six draft teams passed us at a high trot. Ernest, hip cocked, didn’t look or care. They were just the opening act, as far as he was concerned. We won my all-time favorite ribbon that weekend, says this dressage queen. It was third place in log skidding, among a field of draft horses. Sure, our log was smaller, but an adjusted equivalent weight. He cantered across the finish. Ernest didn’t get a good start with humans (I wrote about him in Stable Relation) and I thought we’d come so far from those untouchable-slipper-feet days when he first arrived.

Truth is that we hadn’t even scratched the surface. Since then, I’ve had the privilege of working with many donkeys and mules and find myself constantly humbled by their intellect and self-awareness, which they guard closely. If you meet donkeys that pander to you, don’t feel flattered.

Humans profoundly underestimate donkeys. We go nuts for animals with oversized ears. We squeal and moan and sigh about how cute they are. We tease them with treats and dress them up in hats. They are the butt of ass jokes. Almost everything we do around longears confirms how unintelligent we are. Just for the record, donkeys understand sarcasm and don’t like it.

Donkeys are a constant contradiction; a walking, braying paradox. Part of our misunderstanding comes from an expectation that they will behave like a horse. Donkeys give you a sense of being prehistoric, a quality of timelessness, but at the same time, they’re so clever, so far ahead that the conversation is over before you realize. They never put another’s opinion above their own and while they are kind and peaceful by nature, they are not burdened with a desire to please humans. Horsemanship skills must be better if you want to stay on the good side of a donkey; old-timers say that you should treat a horse the way you have to treat a donkey. Horses will fill in for a human; a trait that donkeys think is a foolish and shallow judgment on the horse’s part.

Donkeys have a reputation for being stubborn, the original calming signal. Donkeys shut down in ways a horse can’t imagine. They require polite conversation. If they believe they have been treated rudely, just like llamas and seals and a few other self-respecting species, they flatly refuse to communicate at such a base level. They are suffragettes, they are civil rights activists. They are peaceniks who believe in a non-violent sit-in to a debate. They will stand patiently as you throw your fit, demand hollow respect with un-natural horsemanship, or sing curse words to the heavens. It’s fine with them if others debase themselves. They are Zen-masters, for crying out loud, they get along with goats! Dang, if you think they’re cute again but that’s because you don’t understand goats.

A donkey might be curious enough to come up and meet you, but trust is another issue entirely. If you manage to win a donkey’s trust, he will carefully consider anything you ask, weight it in his mind. He requires time to reason his way through. He answers when he’s ready but once that decision is made, he will be committed.  His loyalty will not falter. Conversely, if you pick a fight with donkey, they are much stronger than a horse of the same size, but sadly, easy to abuse. They won’t fight back. If you think you’re an affirmative trainer, consider training a donkey your master’s thesis.

Ranchers run a donkey with a herd of cattle because they don’t lose calves that way. Donkeys don’t love calves, but they can’t abide an interloper who threatens the peace. Donkeys will stick up for the weaker ones. They are only marginally okay with your own dogs, but visiting dogs are wolves and will be treated as such.  They tolerate the intolerable mare. Babysit the babies. Donkeys play chess, are always several moves ahead, but don’t bray about winning. Donkeys do not suffer fools or arrogant smarty-pants, but they will stand quietly while small kids poke them in the eye.

Some of you may feel I’m being dismissive of mules. No sir. But the only thing that makes them different is the donkey half, so I’ll continue.

Give up your weather app. If there is a storm coming, you can’t lead him out of the barn but if there is new grass growing an inch or two under the soil, they won’t come in from the pasture. Because they are ruled by common sense, a thing almost too rare to recognize.

Donkeys bond more strongly than horses. Separation is heart-breaking and they feel compassion for herd mates. They can struggle with depression. We tend to think they are even more cute when depressed, you must breathe and look past their ears.

As serious as donkeys are, I’ve never met a more playful species. Get up in the middle of the night; there they are, rearing and dangling from your horse’s neck. I got my donkey an Andalusian yearling as a stall toy. Best. Gift. Ever.

As smart as donkeys are, they appreciate having time to think. This is where the stubborn misunderstanding happens. And may I remind you, you don’t like it when a horse jumps to conclusions and bolts. Donkeys need time to weigh their options and make a choice. If liberty is your thing, well, let’s see who knows the definition of that word better.

You can call them cute. You can trivialize their kind nature and intelligence. It’s easier to dumb a donkey down than to live up to one, but be ambitious. Horses will love you for it. But at the same time, don’t screw up. Donkeys have very long memories. They hold trust sacred. You will not win a fight… but that’s the best lesson anyone can learn.

The donkey creed: Never return aggression and never give in. Donkeys persist, beyond the judgment of others, taking their own best council.

So for now, I’ll seek longear wisdom because they will only settle for the best I have. Because it isn’t about what I can get a donkey to do, but who a donkey can inspire me to be. And if the day comes that someone calls me an ass, I’ll square my shoulders and stand tall. I’ll smile big and proud.

Edgar Rice Burro is about twenty this year. He continues to be our moral compass, helping visiting equines feel at home, leveling all our varied temperaments. He still stages breakouts for his friends if he’s in the mood. Edgar supervises the farrier at close quarters and when he sees the others are okay, solemnly offers a hoof. Edgar has retired from actively training humans. Maybe he finally trusts me on my own or maybe he’s so deep in my brain that I can’t tell his thoughts from mine. I am certain of this; donkeys will always hold us to their standard.

…

Anna Blake at Infinity Farm

Want more? Join us at The Barn, our online training group with video sharing, audio blogs, live chats with Anna, and so much more. Or go to annablake.com to subscribe for email delivery of this blog, see the Clinic Schedule, or ask a question about the art and science of working with horses.

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Book Release: Going Steady, More Relationship Advice from Your Horse

Tada! It’s here!

Going Steady, More Relationship Advice from Your Horse is now available.
Find the links for ordering through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and getting signed copies.

 

Going Steady takes up where Relaxed & Forward, Relationship Advice from Your Horse, left off. These bite-sized essays on affirmative horse training, rescue stories, and “gray mare” thoughts are geared toward encouraging creative, affirmative partnerships. Blake’s writing uses clear descriptions, a joy of storytelling, and some sideways humor to inspire meaningful, positive communication. Sometimes irreverent but always honest and horse-centric:

What you have to offer is more than enough and your horse is just as magical as he ever was.
Leadership is a humble service given with kindness. Security exists when both sides truly understand that for trust to exist, there is no place for intimidation.
In riding, don’t be fooled by smoke and lights. Anyone can spur a horse into speed and jerk them to a halt. If you want to know true connection, look for partnership between the movements. Because the art is always in the transition.
Be the change you want to see in your horse. If he is hot, you cool your body movements. If he is reluctant to walk, you lighten and lift your body movements. Correct yourself.
Let’s redefine leadership as the one who breathes and smiles the most: Let an inhale relax your body, let an exhale leave soft shoulders and a soft belly. Let a smile give you a soft jaw.
Be seriously patient and your horse will offer his heart. Be seriously grateful and it will change your heart. Most of all, be seriously lighthearted because horses like us that way.
The arc of a horse’s life (or our own) doesn’t look like a golden rainbow. It looks more like the jagged readout of a heart monitor. There are ups and downs in each heartbeat. It’s how you can tell we’re alive.


Relaxed & Forward Training is firmly rooted in the principles of authentic Dressage; training relaxed and forward gaits with responsiveness and balance for the horse and rider. I combine this with a special focus on listening to Calming Signals, the natural language of the horse, for a partnership of understanding, confidence, and pleasure. I take horses and riding very seriously, but I do it with humor and lightness because horses like happy riders.

Published by Prairie Moon Press, now politely asking for reviews online. It’s the only way small indies like us can compete. Think of it as a vote for the audacity to try.


Thank you so much for your time, loyalty, and kindness.
Here’s to horses!

Anna

…

Anna Blake at Infinity Farm

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Photo & Poem: Reluctant

 

Stay outside until the sun is low, reluctant

to let the day end, tidying halters, raking

loose hay into stalls, dragging my feet. Not

ready. Just that this sweet ordinary day,

this warm season, will soon be carried

off in the wind, gone to seed. Loosening

my grip from what I know will be lost,

one finger at a time. Willing myself to give

permission for change where none is asked

for. Coiling the hose, picking up stray twine.

Sometimes a moist snort, the herd is content

chewing the same hay as the day before.

…

Anna Blake at Infinity Farm

Want more? Join us at The Barn, our online training group with video sharing, audio blogs, live chats with Anna, and so much more. Or go to annablake.com to subscribe for email delivery of this blog, see the Clinic Schedule, or ask a question about the art and science of working with horses.

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Does Your Horse Need a Tune-Up?

 

This is how it goes: Sometimes it’s just fine to go lollygagging around. The time isn’t right; you’re hungry or distracted by work or family, or where your gloves went to. You don’t want to ride alone but can’t find anyone to ride with. But then you find someone and spend the whole time talking to them. Or maybe you’re flat; your energy is just spent from being busy, so very busy that you get nothing done. There’s some dawdling while checking your list. And then some futzing around out of habit. You’re in the saddle and your horse feels like he’s part goat, but it doesn’t matter.  It’s a bad time to ask him for anything. Besides, he’s resistant.

Or it goes like this: Everyone is going to a clinic or a group trail ride. You want to go but you have so much anxiety about how your horse will behave or how you’ll be judged, that you’re immobile. Or while riding, a friend gets hurt and you want to help but your horse gets upset. (Or you do.) Maybe there’s a fire, or your horse is injured, and you need to haul him, and it has to happen now. It’s important and your horse must listen but for some reason, he won’t listen. And he’s still resistant.

There were times in my life that I asked my trainer to tune up my horse. Years later, I was the trainer tuning up a client’s horse. In the beginning, I was happy to do it. It’s always fun to climb on. In a few minutes, the horse and I’d be working through transitions, lost in our conversation, acting like old friends. It was lightly reminding the horse what we liked and if there was something we didn’t like, re-phrasing the question until the horse could say yes. Some horses get dull because of confusion, but they all get sticky from over-cueing. Humans are just the same.

Then my client would climb back in the saddle and have an improved ride, but soon enough the horse would be resistant again, and I’d climb on again. I started feeling like the horse was being sent to the principal’s office for a talk. I’d be the sort who would invite the parents (rider) in so we could all work together. I know other trainers might beat a horse into a tune-up and then ridicule the rider, too. Making everybody feel bad is still training, but at the price of any shred of confidence the horse or rider had. Most of us don’t need our self-loathing topped off.

Climbing on for an affirmative tune-up was fine in the short term, but truthfully, all three of us lacked consistency. My goal as a trainer is to turn out partners because the challenges don’t always come during lessons. I hoped riders had a passion to learn because horses seem to have a passion to teach us, and we can save face a little bit if we at least act like it was our idea.

This is what clients have taught me: They would like a simple technique that works on every horse. It should have three easy steps.

There are trainers smart enough to market just that plan. It doesn’t work, but they get rich selling it because people want it to be true. Maybe the technique makes sense to humans, so we commit to the plan so hard that we forget to listen to the horse. Do I need to remind you that human logic rarely works with horses?

I hold an unpopular opinion. I think riders have to be the ones to change, always a nebulous, awkward, and somewhat painful process. We have to understand the concept behind what we do; we have to understand how horses think. We have to ask in a way that the horse can say yes, and then be relentless in our praise, while remembering to breathe and respect his space.  We have to negotiate fairness and that means we don’t always get to have our way. And this can all be destroyed in an instant if our hands on the reins create resistance, which they almost always do. It’s enough to make you want to spend a fortune on yet another flimsy three-step plan.

Okay, fine. Here are my three easy steps. They are free, but they come with the disclaimer that “easy” is an abstract concept.

Unless you are near hospitalization, energy is a choice. Take some breaths, excuse whatever attitude you have, and lift yourself up energetically. Embrace yourself because self-criticism is a heavy weight for both of you. It will be a conscious effort in the beginning but hold that standard of self-acceptance. Consistently show your horse the best of you and then notice how good it feels. It makes the burden lighter for your horse and it should be the admission price to sit in the most sacred place, spine to spine with an intelligent sensitive creature who will share their grace with you, at the exact level you consistently ask for. Eventually, you notice that you love yourself as much as horses.
Use that energy to focus on yourself. Feel your sit bones in the saddle, take in the air which is always a bit better just a few feet off the ground. Feel your horse’s body between your legs, aware of his tiniest movements and calming signals. Converse in cues as light as air because each of his senses are so much keener than yours, that you know he can hear you. Look up, to a higher place, and trust his intelligence. Stay curious and bright, complacency isn’t an option because it will take a lifetime of learning to understand your horse. No time to lose.
Hold yourself to a high standard of consistency. Not the number of times you ride, but the quality of who you are in each ride. Horses are always moving toward a way of being and it is your job to be an affirmative beacon for him, safety in an uncertain world, confident in yourself because a confident horse is the goal. We’re always training for the next ride, the human we want to be for the horse who deserves the best in all things.

Practice holding a consistent standard. Being dependable is a greater gift than treats or commiseration or any training technique. Life happens but when a horse and rider can depend on each other to be their best, we break the pattern of needing to tune-up horses. We need to take on the heavy lifting of making ourselves reliable partners, working on our own consistency so it can inform consistent, confident behavior in your horse. Seen in this light, consistency is the greatest kindness we can show our horses.

Eventually, it goes like this: There’s a beautiful pair. The horse is calm but responsive and the rider’s cues are nearly invisible. There is equal energy and relaxation; the contact on the reins is sweet and soft. Then, look down and thank your horse.

…

New book available Monday! Going Steady, More Relationship Advice from Your Horse. Available here and at Amazon.

…

Anna Blake at Infinity Farm

Want more? Join us at The Barn, our online training group with video sharing, audio blogs, live chats with Anna, and so much more. Or go to annablake.com to subscribe for email delivery of this blog, see the Clinic Schedule, or ask a question about the art and science of working with horses.

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Photo & Poem: A Donkey’s Years

 

His bray begins with a shallow

panting, as he aligns the end of his

nose level with his back, his ears

splay flat as the horizon. Then his ribs

spread wide, gasping more air in

and sounding the long exhale,

punctuated by the flexing of his belly

muscles for a prodigious honking

howl, as a rumbling of air from his

posterior joins in in rhythm. He calls

me out, the sun sets earlier this month.

Standing from my desk, pushing past

a teetering pile of unopened envelopes,

Medicare paperwork reminding me

that age is stacked against me, as if

there is insurance against the passing

of time. I lift my chin to open my

throat and fill my lesser lungs, calling

his name back, clear and strong, and

his oral convulsions rest, acknowledged.

How long has he been with me? A

donkey’s years, as long as a donkey’s

ears. Go outside and join him to

mark the rising of the moon. Grab

a mug on the way, ignore the tepid

tea in favor of a thick Cabernet.

A drool could develop any day

now and it leaves a prettier stain.

…

Anna Blake at Infinity Farm

Want more? Join us at The Barn, our online training group with video sharing, audio blogs, live chats with Anna, and so much more. Or go to annablake.com to subscribe for email delivery of this blog, see the Clinic Schedule, or ask a question about the art and science of working with horses.

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What to Do When You See Cruelty

It was a sadly normal week in the larger horse world. Horses got hurt and humans waged war with each other about it. If you love horses, it’s easy to blame everyone in sight, easy to scream with vitriol and make sure everyone knows you are better than the haters who hurt horses. Social media is born for pontificating rage from a soft chair, gossiping with our friends who also spit venom and rant in the separate coolness of their home. It takes no special skill to see things that are wrong, especially after officials have called it out. The strange thing is that no one ranting is actively defending cruelty to horses so it’s a one-sided scream into the ethers.

This week I got accused of supporting horse abuse because I was appalled by a thread of hate-filled comments on social media. It isn’t that I don’t share their disappointment. It’s just that rage against each other doesn’t help horses.

Let’s talk horse racing. Babies die on the track before they have adult teeth. There is absolutely nothing good that can be said about racing horses. Except horses race each other in the pasture. Except that I raced my horse as a kid; we all did. Except that even at its worst, I’ve always known good people who love horses more than money and work for change, while the rest of us complain about it.

Let’s talk rescue. We could get all teary as if our sympathy will help the horse when really, we want everyone to know that we love horses so much that we are doubled over with grief. We could make a show of our personal devastation, some of it for real but some to impress others, or get to it. When I started working with rescues, I had to hate all abusers, but life isn’t always comfortably black and white. With a little experience, blanket blame didn’t work because horses fall through cracks for ordinary desperate reasons. People get sick or lose jobs. Owners die and time passes and now we’re afraid. Meanwhile, in the real world, thoughts and prayers are like an air kiss. Action must be taken; hay must be purchased and vets must be paid. Rescue horses are aided by donating money, not crying. It isn’t news that humans make mistakes; we are imperfect, and we fail. But hitting someone when they’re down is a bit like abusing a horse, isn’t it?

To listen to the lynch mob on social media, all competition is bad. All riding disciplines are cruel. All trainers abuse horses. Take a breath. If we get rid of dressage, reining, jumping, and every discipline that injures horses, then include trail riding and turnout, as well. Small farms aren’t paradise either. Should we stop owning them? Then horses won’t have jobs and it’s too late to return them all to the wild. What do you think happens to useless horses?

The mob asserts proof of cruelty by blanket example, decrying the wicked decay everywhere they look. Their world view is pessimistic and the efforts of a huge group of individuals (like us) get denied in favor of mass condemnation. It’s more dramatic that way. The problem with speaking in extremes is that it damages everyone, the ones ranting and the ones trying to make a positive change. It’s like parents name calling each other in front of the children, the stink of anger leaves a residue on us, we are smaller for it. It diminishes us just a bit in the eyes of our kids, our horses, our friends.

Which might be worth it if it worked, but when was the last time you saw anyone volunteer improvement through public ridicule? Is your own moral superiority or expertise enhanced by name-calling another? Doesn’t spewing hate on social media leave a bad taste in all our mouths?

Being an affirmative trainer or rider doesn’t mean that you don’t see cruelty, it means that you don’t succumb to it. If we believe horses are sentient and will learn more by affirming good work than frightening them with intimidation, then don’t we also have to acknowledge the same about our own species? I’m not perfect and this is personally challenging, but if we believe in compassion for horses, (forcing a breath,) then don’t we have to find it for our own much less perfect species as well?

Can we get past the cheap talk of loving horses, the cheap behaviors that only put more ill will out into the world? Horses need advocates. There are enough haters already. It’s when we are able, as a species of thinking animals, to rise above fighting and lift our collective consciousness, that real change happens.

Stand up and do something. Get on a horse and demonstrate a better way. Beat them at their own game; don’t let haters ruin the beauty of your riding discipline. Take lessons and improve your riding skills to benefit your own horse, and in the meantime, pay a good trainer. If they are doing it right, they deserve your support. If you don’t want to do it, invest in a young rider; help them attend affirmative clinics and learn a better way. Take a day off to go to abuse cases in your local court; show up for horses in real life. Welcome a useless horse into your own barn because change happens one person and one horse at a time, demonstrating a better example.

Sometimes my equine heroes let me down, but I will continue to call out the best that I see, not because they are perfect, but because the thing we pay attention to is the thing that grows.

Affirmative training means training yourself to see the best and praise it. It means we have compassion in the big world because each of us has caused a horse pain, accidentally or without knowing better, or yes, sometimes out of frustration. I hear the guilt for what good people have done to their horses every day. We all wish better for the good old horse who tolerated us when we didn’t deserve it. (The ghost of a white horse made me type that, and he’s right.)

The flat truth is that our guilt doesn’t help either. We need to find solidarity with each other, not because of adversity but from commonality. Whether we are famous or first-time owners, we are all students of the horse and works in progress. But our greatest challenge might be showing other humans the understanding and tolerance we strive to show our horses.

Through history, horses have carried humans through every stage of our attempts to civilize ourselves. Now might be the most important time of all.

…

Anna Blake at Infinity Farm

Want more? Join us at The Barn, our online training group with video sharing, audio blogs, live chats with Anna, and so much more. Or go to annablake.com to subscribe for email delivery of this blog, see the Clinic Schedule, or ask a question about the art and science of working with horses.

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Authorblog: A New Book. Does It Count If I Haven’t Suffered Enough?

Writing Stable Relation, my first book, took me sixty years, give or take. Okay, I exaggerate, but I had anxiety about wanting to write it almost that long. When I finally sat down, stopped wishing and started doing, it was only a year to write and another year to edit. It was heavy work, every word had to be cajoled and coaxed, then rearranged, then edited to within an inch of its life. For fear I would jinx my dysfunction, I didn’t talk about it with friends. It was all pit bulls and chainsaws and whiskey neat. It was writing a book, for crying out loud. I worked the graveyard shift, separate from the world. It felt daunting and impossible but the poking wouldn’t stop. There was something that had to be shared and it always started, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” but that had been taken by Dickens. Which brings us to the real issue. What could you possibly have to say in the shadow of authors you have worshipped all your life.

Perhaps a bit dramatic? Dreams this hard-cooked will most certainly act out in a predictably awkward way, especially for an introvert.

THIS WEEK: For new readers, I started this blog to have a place to talk about books and writing, separately from the place I continue to write the horse stuff here.  It’s was folly. Things have stayed in neat piles exactly like they do in my underwear drawer.

The new book, Going Steady, More Relationship Advice from Your Horse, takes up where Relaxed & Forward, left off with bite-sized essays on affirmative horse training, rescue stories, and “gray mare” thoughts geared toward encouraging creative, affirmative partnerships. I use clear descriptions, a joy of storytelling, and some sideways humor to inspire meaningful, positive communication. Sometimes irreverent but always honest and horse-centric. Doesn’t the line between horses and life get a bit more transparent all the time? I expect the book to be available in September. I think the cover is beautiful. My book designer dresses words up well, doesn’t she?

Writing has gotten a bit addictive and now, on the brink of the release of my fifth book, I worry that maybe it’s gotten too comfortable. All sleeping dogs, smudged glasses pushed high on my nose, and lukewarm limeade. No crazy hours. It isn’t the same as complacency; it’s more like finding the perfect place to think.

Have I become an old hand at writing, like one of those squinty-eyed newspapermen in black and white movies? Am I jaded and sarcastic, banging away on an old typewriter? Or maybe I’m more like a kid that can’t quit a computer game, playing under the table through dinner.  Which character is me?

Do you have a call to write? Because we need your voice more than ever. If I could encourage anyone who’s wanted to write for as long as I did, it would be the knowing, beyond stale advice, that it gets easier. Whatever costume you like, just start. The distance between a dream and a habit is the moment we write ourselves into a character who is a writer, who then writes about people like her with behaviors that are familiar and recognizable. We tell the story because it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Thanks, as always, for your time reading.

…

Anna Blake at Infinity Farm

Award-winning author of four books, almost five.

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Photo & Poem: A Cure for Sadness

 

Jerk out the fencing staples and

carefully pocket them, leave

nothing in the dirt. Pull the sagging

wire fence free and drag it to

open ground. Fold a few feet of

the end over, stepping it flat, and

make another fold, untidy as a fitted

bedsheet from the clothesline.

Reset posts as needed, unroll

the stiff field fencing. New staples

secure it by the gate, stretch it tight

and true. Raised by women with harsh

features and thick fingernails who

smelled of bleach and coffee, and

blunted their sadness with hard work.

“You take that outside,” they said.

…

Anna Blake at Infinity Farm

Want more? Join us at The Barn, our online training group with video sharing, audio blogs, live chats with Anna, and so much more. Or go to annablake.com to subscribe for email delivery of this blog, see the Clinic Schedule, or ask a question about the art and science of working with horses.

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How to Have a Conversation with Someone Who Doesn’t Talk

People talk to horses constantly. The words are unintelligible most of the time, to both us and the horse, but we chatter away, explaining what we are doing as we do it. “Now we’ll clean your feet.” Sometimes we are so uncomfortable with the quiet that we fill in their half of the conversation, too. We get busy with our mouths, usually because we have some level of anxiety.

We know horses don’t literally talk. Sure, a horse is intelligent enough to learn some verbal commands, but is it the words or your body language that informs him? Humans have the luxury to live on autopilot most of the time, we probably use our brain more often than our senses to listen to the environment, thinking more and feeling less in the moment. It’s a luxury that horses don’t have.

When I talk about training, I use the word conversation because what is affirmative training but an exchange of ideas and thoughts?

I use the word “conversation” with a horse because of what it doesn’t mean: Lecture. Soliloquy. Pontification. Sermonize.

It means we listen to the horse and give them a vote. It’ll require some shifting of old paradigms and habits on both sides as we develop a new shared language, but it isn’t going to be the Queen’s English. The horse is fluent in the language of the body (calming signals) and awareness of the moment; that has to be where we meet them.

It’ll feel exhausting at first, using our senses that are out of shape from computers telling us the weather instead of going outside. Exhausting in the things we try to not do which are now rote, like overusing our hands, and instead trusting our breath to be eloquent to answer a horse’s questions.

And our enthusiasm to not dominate, our desire for a true partnership initially drives us to the other extreme. We listen so hard that we don’t hold up our end of the conversation. We stand like lovestruck teenagers when we see their release. This new language is so exciting that we repeat the same thing so often that we bore our horses because it’s what they have been saying all along.

We want peace so we give up every healthy boundary we ever had and act like old drinking buddies, leaning on them, laying down next to them, showing our perceived partnership by doing things we know are dangerous. We act brave, but how many of those behaviors end up disrespecting the horse, the real reason we get hurt?

The silent lurking elephant in the barn is about discipline and dominance versus total autonomy and general chaos. Where is the middle balance?

Return to the word conversation and try to interject common sense. I can be kind and generous. I can be a good listener and offer suggestions. On a good day, inspiration is possible. I might even wear pink once in a blue moon. But that doesn’t mean I’ll give you all my money and the keys to my truck.

Affirmative training doesn’t mean there are no boundaries, but the most challenging boundaries are the ones we place on ourselves, to be consistent and kind while focusing on a level of awareness that is exhausting for us but totally normal for a horse. We have to be in constant communication with our own sympathetic nervous system by breathing. We have to be so aware of space that we constantly mitigate our position.

How many times do we discipline horses because we have disrespected their need for space? What will it take for us to understand that when so many of their calming signals confirm it? Could we discipline ourselves to a higher standard of awareness of both the horse’s language and our own bodies?

I have a zero-tolerance policy for getting maimed, so I discipline myself. My horses agree that my real job is to buy hay. I have the right to give them a hard no. Because I don’t overuse my voice, usually a sharp word is enough. The challenge in correcting horses is taking right back down, in an instant, to peaceful communication and not holding a grudge.

How many times have people defended using a harsh cue to discipline the horse, while whining that the horse came into their space first, it was his fault? Is that helpful? Have you been consistent in respecting him, showing with his language what is acceptable? What cues did you miss from your horse when it started? Did he come into your space because of insecurity or anxiety? The answer to that question is always yes and punishment only grows insecurity. If we get caught flat-footed and resort to old habits, then we can do better. The conversation can improve.

Train with Peaceful Persistence:
    Not aggressive.
    Not conceding. 
   Not emotional. 

Say you go out to halter your horse and he doesn’t want to be caught. He might be not interested that day, or he might be a horse with a bad history with humans. Either way, we don’t go in the house and pout because the horse doesn’t love us. Our response has to lift to a higher level. We have to be more interesting than grass. If you didn’t get a hard no, then the conversation continues and it’s time to get creative. Discipline yourself to lay down your ego and emotions. Slow down and breathe. That’s where trust grows.

How many time in the day do we react instinctually and how many times do we pause to think about our response. Can we give the horse a chance to do the same, and work towards both sides reacting less. Can we answer their anxiety with clean positive confidence?

Horses understand boundaries; their mothers taught them. They don’t want domination but boundaries make us humans good partnership material; we can become a safe place in an unruly world.

…

Anna Blake at Infinity Farm

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