Kim Hooper's Blog, page 26

Why We Write: Pandemic Edition

Photo by KaitlynBaker on Unsplash

A few weeks ago, I did something very strange. I started writing a new novel. I say “strange” because we are in the midst of a pandemic and I have felt completely consumed by working a full-time job (now from home), managing the stress of hearing my husband’s booming voice on his work calls every day, caring for an almost-three-year-old who shares her father’s booming voice, and tending to my books that are either already in the world or on their way there.

Over the past five (five?!) months, I have often fallen back on tired cliches like “at the end of my rope” and “at my wit’s end” and “hanging on by a thread” to describe my emotional state. So, when I got the urge to commence a new book, I gave my subconscious the side eye and said, “Are you f**king serious?”

When the pandemic first began, I could not imagine writing a new novel. It wasn’t just the time it would require—though that was a big enough obstacle—but the mental energy too. Like many writers, I’m highly sensitive, and the onslaught of news about what seemed (still seems) to be the apocalypse was enough to make me want to curl into the fetal position for the foreseeable future. I channeled my anxieties into publishing short essays about childcare and the burden on women during the pandemic, but I had no interest in a big, long-term project that would require vast stores of creativity.

Until I did.

But why? Why now?

Poet Ada Limón summed it up like this: “I think creating during these unfathomable times is both impossible and necessary for me” (Poets & Writers magazine). Yes, that’s it: Impossible and necessary. In a way, writing is always like this, but a global pandemic dramatically exacerbates the feelings of impossibility and necessity. As Zadie Smith says in her recent essay collection, Intimations, writing is “a psychological quirk.” And now, perhaps more than ever, psychological quirks abound.

We write for escape.

When I asked Mary Kubica, bestselling author of six novels, about writing during COVID-19 she said, “For the most part I’m not feeling the urge to write. But every now and then the urge does strike and it’s the greatest feeling—to be able to slip into the world of my characters for a while and step away from our current reality.”

Steven Rowley, author of Lily and the Octopus and The Editor, shared a similar sentiment: “I feel very fortunate to have a job that allows me to escape into other times and places where some of our current stressors don’t exist.”

We are living in a time when escape from reality is a requirement for sanity, and fiction offers the escape that we cannot get from trips we had to cancel due to COVID-19 restrictions. Personally, I have always preferred escape within the confines of my home—much less hassle and cost (hashtag introvert).

During the emergency mode of the first few months of the pandemic, I did not realize that this would be a long-term thing that would require long-term escape. It’s not surprising that, as that became more apparent, I started a novel. When the world feels overwhelming, I can turn to my novel. If I don’t have time or mental space to write, I can think about my characters. As author Adam Haslett said, “Writing is a form of dissociation. In the hours of real absorption, you leave behind your room, your body, even the mind you imagine as your own.” Dissociation, for many of us, is a survival strategy right now.

We write to make meaning.

It is common for artists to create in times in crises—not just to escape, but to process our discomfort and grief, and, ultimately, make meaning.

John Milton wrote Paradise Lost after losing his wife, his daughter, and his eyesight. Van Gogh created some of his most celebrated paintings while in an insane asylum battling anxiety, depression and possible bipolar disorder. Virginia Woolf wrote To the Lighthouse while grieving the loss of her mother. Frida Kahlo started painting after a near-fatal bus accident that left her with chronic pain, and she created one of her most renowned self-portraits after a painful miscarriage.

Carolyn Gregoire, co-author of Wired to Create: Unraveling the Mysteries of the Creative Mind, wrote recently, “Art seeks to make sense of everything from our smallest sad moments to the most earth-shattering tragedies. It helps us to process and come to terms with the things in life that we can’t control and can’t really explain.”

Right now, there is so much we
can’t control, and even more we can’t explain.

It goes without saying that COVID-19 is our generation’s collective crisis. We are in touch with our mortality in new and intense ways. We are grieving the loss of the world as we knew it. In “That Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief,” Scott Berinato interviews David Kessler, the world’s foremost expert on grief, who says, “We feel the world has changed, and it has…The loss of normalcy; the fear of economic toll; the loss of connection. This is hitting us and we’re grieving. Collectively.”

We write in the face of this grief, in the face of our mortality. We write to try to understand what is happening in our world, and in our inner selves. We write with urgency because the brevity and fragility of life has been revealed so clearly. Many have thrown around the word apocalypse and I find it interesting that the Greek meaning of this word is not all doom and gloom. It means “revelation” and “an unveiling or unfolding of things not previously known.” As author Tracy Barone told me, “We’re in a bit of a glass bottom boat where you can now see everything, and I personally find that inspiring. It pushes me to see deeper into myself and lean into the uncertainty as I’m writing.”

The novel I started writing has nothing to do with current events on its surface, but it does have to do with trauma, loss, and living with uncertainty and fear. Somehow, fiction is always slightly nonfictional in that it represents the author’s unique psyche—hidden within the pages of the books we write, our inner demons lurk. This generation of writers will be processing the pandemic via their stories for years to come, in ways that may not be obvious to readers (or even the writers themselves).

In 2019, Kessler identified a sixth stage of grief—finding meaning. Art is part of this stage. As Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, “In some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.” As writers, we create stories because it’s the way we know to ease suffering—personal and collective.

Ultimately, this meaning-making is a form of asserting control over the uncontrollable. As Zadie Smith writes: “Writing is control. The part of the university in which I teach should properly be called the Controlling Experience Department. Experience—mystifying, overwhelming, conscious, subconscious—rolls over everybody. We try to adapt, to learn, to accommodate, sometimes resisting, other times submitting to, whatever confronts us. But writers go further: they take this largely shapeless bewilderment and pour it into a mold of their own devising. Writing is all resistance.”

We write for, or because of, a sense of purpose.

For me, writing has always been about connection. On the page, through my characters, I can share my innermost thoughts and feelings and fears. As a reader, I get access to others’ innermost thoughts and feelings and fears. As Madeleine Watts wrote in a piece for Lit Hub, “Literature can do one thing that no other art form can do: It can let you experience what it is like to be inside the consciousness of another human being.” In other words, literature facilitates empathy. And, what the world needs desperately is empathy. “Storytelling has never been more important,” Tracy Barone told me. “We can choose to see our human connection through this global situation and writers’ voices can channel this.”

For others, writing is a way to contribute to the greater good, to offer people much-needed escape. Mary Kubica said, “I feel compelled to produce more because it’s one way that I can give back during these dire times.” Michelle Gable, bestselling author of several novels, echoed this: “A few times, I’ve felt pretty bleak, like fiction is pointless, why am I doing this, who cares? On the other hand, I’ve done a lot of reading during this pandemic and I get so much out of these books.”

Fred Venturini, author of The Escape of Light, also mentioned how it’s easy to wonder “why bother?” as a fiction writer when global issues make stories seem insignificant. But, he said, “I keep coming back to the idea that our universal language is stories, that is how we best learn, remember, and engage. To be a translator of that important language is a gift not to be wasted.”

A gift not to be wasted, but…

I return to Ada Limón’s words: “impossible and necessary.” For many of us writers, there are days when creating is truly impossible, no matter how necessary it feels. These are unsettling times. The anxiety can feel crippling. Some days, due to childcare responsibilities or work or whatever else, I cannot manage to take a shower let alone write 500 words. And that’s okay. This is not the time for writers (or anyone) to compound their feelings of overwhelm and stress.

Author Kathleen Kaufman told me, “I’ve had to meditate on the idea of impermanence, the concept that attachment to things you think are vital, are nothing more than illusion. In terms of my writing, that translates to a lack of urgency, the ability to forgive myself for not being superwoman. If you wrote your King Lear during the pandemic, great. But it’s equally great if you simply managed to respond to your email.”  

For some writers, there are practical explanations for stalling on writing projects. Steven Rowley said, “The world is changing so rapidly and there is such a long lag time between starting a novel and when (or if!) it is published. I feel it’s important to address current events, at least tangentially, but what is it I want to say about the human condition in 2023, 2024 or beyond? It’s almost too much to think about.” Fred Venturini shares this concern: “Are we firmly in a world now where you have to wonder how to write a scene in a bar? If you set something in 2019, are readers just going to think you’re dodging the pandemic?”

There are a number of reasons—all of them valid—for slowing down the writing process right now. As Carolyn Gregoire wrote, “Real creative growth happens at its own natural pace, which can’t be forced or rushed. Creativity thrives with mental breathing room, wide-open inner spaces to roam, and unstructured time to dream and reflect.”

Many of us do not have “wide-open inner spaces to roam” right now. Most of us do not even have wide-open outer spaces to roam.

Even writers who are not actively writing are likely in the mysterious pre-writing phase—listening, absorbing, processing. Author and screenwriter Hollie Overton told me, “I’m not churning out pages right now. I consider it a good day if I get a thousand words in, or if I have a new idea. But I remind myself that the best writers recognize when something needs to be written and when it’s a time to take a beat and listen and absorb what is happening around you. There’s no race to the finish line for artists. Our job is to create and, pandemic or no pandemic, that’s what I’m going to do. It just might take me a bit longer right now.” Steven Rowley shared similar thoughts: “These things can’t be rushed. Right now, so much of my job is listening. And that’s a good thing.” 

I will continue to work on my novel, knowing it will probably take me three times longer than normal to complete. I expect there will be entire weeks when I will not be able (or willing) to write at all. It is comfort enough to know that I have writing in my life (in addition to Zoom therapy sessions). The words of poet Victoria Chang stay with me: “I think writing is a form of protest…I write now to tell off the pandemic, in a way. To prove that writing as an act can and will endure. It might not ‘save’ us, but I do know it will always be here for us.”

Yes, it will always be here for us—for us writers, for us readers, for us human beings in need of escape, connection, and meaning.

The post Why We Write: Pandemic Edition appeared first on Fiction Writing Blog.

Weekly Roundup: August 21

Quote of the week:
“Learn everything. Fill your mind with knowledge–it’s the only kind of power no one can take away from you.” –Min Jin Lee, Pachinko 

What I’m reading:
The Beauty in Breaking: A Memoir by Michele Harper (finished it this week)
The Uninhabitable Earth: Life After Warming by David Wallace-Wells (truly terrifying)

What I’m listening to:
Pachinko by Min Jin Lee 

What I’m watching:

“Immigration Nation” (Netflix) — finished this; highly recommend“Love Life” (HBO Max) — so good“Unsolved Mysteries” (Netflix) — I just finished the UFO episode. Whoa

Writing news:

Just a few weeks until All the Acorns on the Forest Floor comes out Deal alert! You can buy Tiny on Kindle for just $0.99 right nowI’m working on an epilogue that will be added to the re-release of People Who Knew Me this fallAll the Love: Healing Your Heart and Finding Meaning After Pregnancy Loss will be out on March 23. Follow us @allthelovetalk on Twitter and InstagramI just got edits back on novel #5–it releases next summer. Details coming soon!



Get the deal here.

What I’m talking about:

Not much. I’ve kind of shut down this week–not in a bad way, but a necessary way. The world is overwhelming right now. This heat wave in California led me to start reading a book on climate change that is like a horror movie. I’ve also been super busy with my full-time job. My brain is tired.

What I’m grateful for:

Running. I know I’ve expressed gratitude for this before, but it’s so important to me, especially during these crazy times. I braved the humidity this morning to enjoy a beautiful sunrise.

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Weekly Roundup: August 14

Quote of the week:
“Sometimes what we avoid most is not pain but mystery.” –Nathan Hill, The Nix (which I finished last week but am still thinking about)

What I’m reading:
The Beauty in Breaking: A Memoir by Michele Harper (loving it)

What I’m listening to:
Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell (just finished)
Pachinko by Min Jin Lee (just started)
I also listened to the Call Your Girlfriend podcast episode with Zadie Smith this week. LOVE Zadie Smith.

What I’m watching:

“Immigration Nation” (Netflix) — almost done with this series and it’s breaking my heart“Indian Matchmaking” (Netflix) — finished this one, would like a Season 2, please

Writing news:

ONE MONTH until All the Acorns on the Forest Floor comes out I’m working on an epilogue that will be added to the re-release of People Who Knew Me this fallAll the Love: Healing Your Heart and Finding Meaning After Pregnancy Loss will be out on March 23. Follow us @allthelovetalk on Twitter and Instagram

What I’m talking about:

KAMALA HARRIS!! I think the Democratic ticket needed a jolt and she is it. I’m very excited (and very much looking forward to the VP debate in October)Growing up as a highly sensitive kid (which I didn’t even realize I was until recently). According to this article in the New York Times, I’m very much an orchid who has learned to have dandelion qualities out of sheer necessityHow day cares and preschools are open while the debate about “regular school” goes on (this article in the New York Times got me thinking. I will say that I struggled hard with whether or not to send my daughter back to her preschool and when I talked to some of the teachers there, they expressed that they wanted to get back to work because they need to earn a paycheck. It’s all very complicated)The unraveling of America (this Rolling Stone article gave me heart palpitations)Living in this age of anxiety (see this Brain Pickings post)

What I’m grateful for:
Rapid COVID tests. Yesterday, my household had a bit of a scare. My husband woke up not feeling well. He said he could not get out of bed. If he tried, his head was spinning and he felt very “off.” Because COVID can have such unusual symptoms, we both panicked. I jumped to assuming we were all going to be on lock down, suffering with this virus, for weeks (while trying to keep a toddler entertained and healthy). In our area, they are quoting up to SEVEN DAYS to get results on a regular COVID test and I could not handle the anxiety of a 7-day wait (plus, we would have to pull my daughter out of preschool during that wait time, and adjust our work lives accordingly, aka go completely insane). Thankfully, we found a place that offers the rapid test and it came back NEGATIVE. My husband saw his regular doctor in the afternoon and it’s been determined that he has vertigo, which is a bummer, but far less of a bummer than COVID. 

All this said, I really wish testing was more available and that results could be given within 24 hours of taking a test. And I wish the tests were FREE. The rapid test my husband got was $225 out of pocket. We submitted through insurance, but I’m guessing we will still have to pay most of that. #HealthcareinAmericaSucks. 

To end this post on a happy note, I’ll say that I’m also grateful for cats. Here are mine–from the same litter, if you can believe it. They are 7 years old and we’ve had them since they were kittens! They used to be indoor-outdoor cats, but they have lost their outdoor privileges after going on long journeys and causing us to lose a lot of sleep.

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Weekly Roundup: August 7

Quote of the week:

“Any real change should make you feel, at first, afraid. If you’re not afraid of it, then it’s not real change.” –Nathan Hill, The Nix (just finished this book and it’s made the list of my all-time favorites)

What I’m reading:

The Knockout Queen by Rufi Thorpe

What I’m listening to:

The Nix by Nathan Hill (finished it, loved it)

What I’m watching:

“I’ll Be Gone in the Dark” (HBO) — finished this series; I’m glad they shared more about who the Golden State Killer’s background“Immigration Nation” (Netflix) — an eyeopening look at ICE. I’ve already cried and I’m only on episode 2“Indian Matchmaking” (Netflix) — a nice escape from the heaviness of everything right now

Writing news:

It’s August so I can finally say that All the Acorns on the Forest Floor comes out NEXT MONTHPeople Who Knew Me will be re-released (with a new, awesome cover!) in OctoberAll the Love: Healing Your Heart and Finding Meaning After Pregnancy Loss will be out on March 23. Follow us @allthelovetalk on Twitter and Instagram

What I’m talking about:

How I’ve kind of hit a “pandemic wall” (New York Times), but I still don’t really miss socializing (I could have written this piece in The Lily)The plethora of recent articles and essays about how the pandemic is going to have long-term effects on women’s careers (and their rights): Medium, Washington Post, FiveThirtyEight, Wall Street Journal, CNNThe devastating explosion in Beirut. My heart hurts for the 137 people who have died, and for all those who are injured and/or homeless because of the blastThe disparities in COVID-19 testing (this is a good article). I do not understand how “the greatest country in the world” can botch testing so badly. They say “know thy enemy,” and the only way to do that with this enemy is TESTING

What I’m grateful for:

My new Instagram page, @crazyshitmyhusbandeats, created out of desperation for comic relief. My husband has a voracious appetite and somehow manages to stay fit. It’s fascinating. 

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Weekly Roundup: July 31

Quote of the week:
“Talking to yourself can be useful. And writing means being overheard.” — Zadie Smith in her new essay collection, Intimations (which is fantastic)

What I’m reading:

The Highly Sensitive Parent by Elaine N. Aron (finished this week)A Burning by Megha Majumdar (finished this week)Intimations: Six Essays by Zadie Smith (halfway through)

What I’m listening to:

On Being podcast — Pauline Boss on ambiguous lossThe Nix by Nathan Hill (still loving it)

What I’m watching:

“Love on the Spectrum” (Netflix) — finished season 1 and really want a season 2“I’ll Be Gone in the Dark” (HBO) — finale is on Sunday. Can’t wait“Down to Earth with Zac Efron (Netflix) — didn’t know I needed Zac Efron in my life, but I guess I do

Writing news:

About 6 weeks (but who’s counting) until All the Acorns on the Forest Floor is OUTPeople Who Knew Me will be re-released (with a new, awesome cover!) in OctoberAll the Love: Healing Your Heart and Finding Meaning After Pregnancy Loss will be out on March 23, 2021–follow us @allthelovetalk on Twitter and Instagram

What I’m talking about:

The federal occupation in Portland (and other cities). My friend lives there and has sent me photos that you would swear were taken in a war torn country (maybe that’s what we are now?)Trump changing the reporting structure for COVID statistics so we no longer know if we’re getting accurate data. In my county, we were averaging about 1000 cases per day; now it’s more like 100-400. Seems fishy. Personally I think Trump wants the numbers to look better so people go on with their lives and the economy improvesTrump’s ridiculous idea to delay the election. People, we are getting much too close to a dictatorshipHow COVID-19 has put a spotlight on America’s childcare crisis (Refinery 29 article here)The ridiculousness of work ending at 5pm (or later) when schools let out at 3pm (or earlier) (article in the Atlantic here)The possibility of a 4-day work week, something proposed in New Zealand by their progressive Prime Minister (yes, I am still pondering moving there) (Washington Post article here)The “should my kids go back to school?” debate and the prevalence of mom shame during this pandemic (article in The Lily here)Mom bias in the workplace (article in The Lily here)

What I’m grateful for:

Masks! Because they protect us from deadly viruses. Seems like the least controversial thing to be grateful for, but we live in strange times.

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Weekly Roundup: July 24

Quote of the week:

“An apocalypse is a good thing, and I’m delighted to welcome you to this one. In Greek, the word apocalypse means to uncover, to peel away, to show what’s underneath.” —Nadia Bolz-Weber

What I’m reading:

The Highly Sensitive Parent by Elaine N. AronA Burning by Megha Majumdar

What I’m listening to:

Fountain Bookstore online event with Rachel Beanland, author of Florence Adler Swims Forever The Keeper of Lost Things by Ruth HoganThe Nix by Nathan Hill (just started this one; love it)

What I’m watching:

“Expecting Amy,” a docuseries following Amy Schumer as she works on a new comedy special in the midst of a difficult pregnancy–finished this; it was awesome (HBO Max)“Unsolved Mysteries” (Netflix) — started this and then realized that the “unsolved” nature of the mysteries bothers me too much“Love on the Spectrum” (Netflix) — such an endearing docuseries“Don’t f**k with Cats: Hunting an Internet Killer” (Netflix) — one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen 

Writing news:

Less than 2 months until All the Acorns on the Forest Floor is OUTPeople Who Knew Me will be re-released (with a new, awesome cover!) in OctoberAll the Love: Healing Your Heart and Finding Meaning After Pregnancy Loss will be out on March 23, 2021–follow us @allthelovetalk on Twitter and Instagram

What I’m talking about:

The fact that I think I have COVID every other day. I actually got a test last weekend because I was so tired and my husband, daughter, and I all had a brief stomach bug. It was negative. So, apparently there are viruses going around besides COVIDThe book publicity game. I’m realizing more and more that mentions of books in big publications are the result of someone (the author, the publisher) paying thousands of dollars to a publicist (or other special connection). It’s all kind of icky. I will continue to look for the books that don’t get the mentions, the ones nobody has heard of, that are brilliant

What I’m grateful for:

Campgrounds. We are going to one this weekend. It’s not far from where we live, but we just need the feeling of getting away. A friend of mine said that she likens camping to living like a homeless person and I can’t think of a reason this isn’t true, but I still love it. I haven’t had s’mores in way too long.

Source: Boonieriders.org

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Weekly Roundup: July 17

Quote of the week:

“Literature can do one thing that no other art form can do: It can let you experience what it is like to be inside the consciousness of another human being.” –Madeleine Watts, Lit Hub 

What I’m reading:

Almost done with these two:

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine N. AronI’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown

What I’m listening to:

Florence Adler Swims Forever by Rachel BeanlandInky Phoenix Book Club convo between Kathryn Budig and Glennon DoyleSixth & I online event with Ann Friedman and Aminatou Sow talking about their new book, Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other CloseCenter for Disaster Philanthropy webinar: “COVID-19: Support for Mental Health, Bereavement, and Grief” (featuring my very good friend, Dr. Huong Diep):

What I’m watching:

“A Class Divided,” about third-grade teacher Jane Elliott’s unique lesson in discrimination (YouTube)“The Pharmacist,” about one father’s mission to take on the drug epidemic after his son dies (Netflix)“Expecting Amy,” a docuseries following Amy Schumer as she works on a new comedy special in the midst of a difficult pregnancy (HBO Max)“I’ll Be Gone in the Dark,” about Michelle McNamara’s hunt for the Golden State Killer (if you haven’t read her book, you should) (HBO)

Writing news:

I am so, so, so excited to announce that my first nonfiction book (written with Meredith Resnick, a licensed social worker, and Huong Diep, a board-certified psychologist) will be coming into the world on March 23, 2021. This book is such a passion project for me. I went through 4 pregnancy losses before having my daughter and it was such a lonely grief. I’m hoping this book helps people feel a little less alone.

Other awesome news: My publisher is re-releasing my first book, People Who Knew Me, this fall! I can’t wait to share the new cover (coming soon!).

What I’m talking about:

This article on The Lily: “Moms are working dramatically fewer hours than dads during coronavirus. It’s a ‘red flag’ for what’s ahead”The not-surprising conclusion of a global Ipsos survey: “COVID-19 is intensifying women’s workload at home”Feeling the pressure to participate in social events when I don’t think it’s safe at all (this New York Times article nails it: “There’s still a pandemic happening. It’s OK not to please everyone”)The difficulty of uncertainty: “In 2016, European researchers published a study in the journal Nature Communications that demonstrated that for human beings, uncertainty can be more stressful than knowing something bad is going to happen.” (Source)

What I’m grateful for:
My publisher! And my manager! I feel like I finally have the supportive team I always dreamed of, and I consider that extremely lucky. Some years back, I was in Maui for a friend’s wedding and visited with a shaman who said, “You’re not partnered with the right company for your writing.” At the time, I sensed that was true but wasn’t sure what would come next. She said, “You will partner with different people and those will be your people.” She was right. She was also right that I would give birth to a daughter (and she even predicted when!), but that’s a story for another day.

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Weekly Roundup: July 10

Quote of the week:
“Instead of asking, ‘How can you think this way?’ try asking, ‘How did you come to think this way?’ Maintain dialogue. Be curious.” —Esther Perel

What I’m reading:

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine N. AronI’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown

What I’m listening to:

The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo (juuust finished this. It’s a fantastic epic family saga–my kind of book)New season of Esther Perel’s podcast, Where Should We Begin?Counter Stories podcast, “Sisters in Loss” episode featuring Shannon Gibney and Kao Kalia Yang, authors of What God is Honored Here: Writings on Miscarriage and Infant Loss by and for Native Women and Women of Color

What I’m watching:

Racist Trees (pilot) (short form digital series about a community in Palm Springs fighting for the removal of a wall of trees that many believe were originally planted as a totem of segregation)Game Changers (Netflix) (this reignited my desire to eat a fully plant-based diet; I’m about 80% there currently)The Most Dangerous Animal of All (Hulu)

Writing news:

There are 10 days left on the Goodreads Giveaway for All the Acorns on the Forest Floor–sign in to your Goodreads account to enter!I’ve been interviewing a number of author friends about their creativity and productivity during the pandemic. I’m hoping to put together an essay soon

What I’m talking about:

This New York Times article–“I am Going to Physically Explode: Mom Rage in a Pandemic.” The title says it allThe dramatic increase in COVID-related hospitalizations where I live (see this Los Angeles Times article); I’m getting a little freaked outMoving to New Zealand if Trump wins in November

What I’m grateful for:

My sister. It was her birthday this past week. I told her recently that sisterhood has been an extended lesson in empathy for me. We are so different in many ways, and that led to lots of fighting and eye rolls when we were younger. Now, I’m grateful that I had the chance to grow up with someone who sees the world differently than me. What I’ve realized is that we’re actually way more similar than I thought. 

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Weekly Roundup: July 2

I’m posting a day early because I’m off work tomorrow and will be doing something fun with my daughter, away from the maskless crowds (why, people? WHY?). That said, I hope everyone has a safe holiday.

Quote of the week:
“The thing that nobody warned you about adulthood was the number of decisions you’d have to make, the number of times you’d have to depend on an unreliable gut to point you in the right direction, the number of times you’d still feel like an 8-year-old, waiting for your parents to step in and save you from peril.” –Claire Lombardo, The Most Fun We Ever Had

What I’m reading:

Us by Curtis WiklundIf You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen

What I’m listening to:

The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo (this is a long one; I’ve been listening for a week and am not even halfway through. It’s SO good though)

What I’m watching:

Lenox Hill (the bonus COVID episode)Alt-Right: Age of Rage (Netflix documentary)Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich (Netflix documentary)Space Force (Netflix) (This show is so absurd, like National Lampoon’s absurd. Recommended if you like that kind of comedy)

Writing news:

There’s a Goodreads Giveaway for All the Acorns on the Forest Floor–sign in to enter!I just spoke with my amazing manager about possibly-amazing things happening (is that vague enough?)

What I’m talking about:

This New York Times article–“In the COVID-19 Economy, You Can Have a Kid or a Job. You Can’t Have Both.” The title says it allThis Atlantic article–“What America Asks of Working Parents Is Impossible.” Again, the title says it allThe arrest of Ghislaine Maxwell on sex abuse charges. I just watched the Jeffrey Epstein documentary on Netflix and I believe the survivors who say that Ghislaine Maxwell played an instrumental role in facilitating Epstein’s sex abuse and trafficking of minors. This arrest is a long time comingThe fact that more than 60% of the ICU beds in my county are taken. I understand why the economy needs to reopen, but this is getting very scary

What I’m grateful for:

Adult coloring books. I used to think these were ridiculous, but I got one as a joke when the lock down began back in March. When I finished that one, I did another one. And now I just bought one featuring animals drinking alcoholic beverages. I use my daughter’s crayons. It’s very soothing. My husband thinks I’ve lost it.

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Weekly Roundup: June 26

Somehow we are at the end of June and summer has begun. Turns out time flies not only when you’re having fun, but also when you’re an anxious mess in the face of an uncertain world.

Quote of the week:
“Only seek advice from people whose lives you admire” –one of my best (and wisest) friends (who is also a psychologist)

What I’m reading:
(Same books as last week; it’s been a slow reading week)

The Vanishing Half by Brit BennettThe Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children by Dr. Shefali Tsabary

What I’m listening to:

The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire LombardoI just finished Behold the Dreamers on my morning run; one of the most well-narrated books I’ve ever listened toOtherppl: Brad Listi talks with author Susan Choi (podcast)Sugar Calling: Cheryl Strayed talks with poet Joy Harjo (podcast)

What I’m watching:

I Know This Much Is True (HBO; finished it this week; well-done, but I think the book is better)Athlete A (Netflix; documentary about the women who survived abuse at the hands of USA gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar)Meeting the Enemy: A feminist comes to terms with the Men’s Rights Movement (Ted Talk; watched this because someone I don’t know commented on my being a feminist, saying that I should consider how hard the world is for men. Never said it wasn’t hard for men, but women face a lot of unique challenges. Felt like I was arguing with an “all lives matter” person)r

Writing news:

Scary Mommy published my new essay about the working mom’s plight during this pandemicI’m enjoying writing my new novel. Since having my daughter, I’ve had to be really creative with my time. It’s helped me to have word count targets each week. I aim for 5,000 words a week and that seems to be going wellPsst–rumor has it that there will be a big Goodreads giveaway for my new book, All the Acorns on the Forest Floor. Keep an eye out next weekJust saw the cover options for my first-nonfiction book (co-written with two therapist-friends). I can’t wait to share the final cover and tell you more about this book (it comes out in Spring 2021)t

What I’m talking about:

The Supreme Court decision protecting gay, lesbian, and transgender people from workplace discrimination (finally some good news)People who refuse to wear a mask. I don’t get itThe death of Elijah McClain. The atrocities that are coming to light are truly horrifying. Reading Between the World and Me made me more aware of just how scary it is to live in the world as a Black person. If you are a parent to a Black child, you have to worry about his safety solely because of the color of his skin. This must take a massive emotional toll

What I’m grateful for:

My kitty, Leo. A little more than 2 weeks ago, he disappeared. He’s a mostly-indoor cat, but we let him outside for a couple hours each day. He always comes back in the evening. Seven months ago, this happened and he was gone for 12 days before showing up at our old house. We have no idea where he went or how he found his way there. This time, I kept hoping the same would happen…and it did! Exactly 12 days after leaving, the people at our old house saw him on their outdoor camera. We started going up there in the mornings to call for him and, lo and behold, he jumped out of the bushes. He seems very happy to be home, back with his best friend (our dog, Frankie). Cats are super weird. We are chalking this up to a midlife walkabout.

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