Julie A. Fast's Blog, page 20

Bipolar Disorder and Money

Ideas for Saving Money when You Have Bipolar Disorder 

I just cut up my credit card…

This may have not been too smart business wise, but I felt it was necessary. I put everything on the card and it’s not like I was going on spending sprees- it was mostly normal stuff like groceries and dinner as well as my business stuff.  But now that I have made a commitment to be 100% fiscally responsible this year (unlike some entities I can think of!), I think that going to a cash based system for small purchases makes more sense. I can actually think before I spend!

I will have to plan ahead when I go somewhere and ask myself- do I really want to spend $20 on dinner?  Credit cards make it too easy to spending without evaluation the purchase. I stopped really big manic spending a long time ago- but the smaller stuff still gets me! My rotating business expenses as well as all of my household needs are on automatic payment- so this actually is a very smart idea!

Julie

PS: It was a very, very smart idea! I can already see some huge changes in my thinking.

Here is a comment from Lyn:

Good for you!!!  I cut up all but one credit card years ago, and now even that one is gone.  I have stopped being a consumer.  It was a very powerful decision, and I have never thought I was wrong.  It has become a safety for me: when you don’t have credit, you are very aware of all spending, so spending sprees are out of the question.  My ‘debit card’ is tied to my bank account so every purchase has to be thought over and evaluated, to be sure I have enough money for groceries at the end of the month.  I am very proud of this accomplishment, and when I feel stupid and believe I don’t do anything right, I can challenge that with my knowledge that I at least have my money under control!

Lyn

Kanye, Kim and Bipolar Disorder

An Open Letter to Kim Kardashian 


 


 


Dearest Kim, 


 


Few people in the world have even the slightest idea what it’s like to be THE KIM KARDASHIAN. Wearer of waist corsets, teeth bling and million dollar diamonds.  Your harrowing experience in Paris is also out of the realm many of us will ever experience in life. But right now, with what you are going through as Kanye gets help and then doesn’t get help for his mental health symptoms, you are in a new tribe. We are the hundreds of millions of people around the world who love someone with a diagnosable mental illness. 


 


In some cases, there are people like myself who have a mental illness who also love someone with a mental illness. In others, the partner is stable and mental health is truly an unknown. 


 


You seem to be misunderstood in your other world. In this world, you are understood. 


 


In 1994, I opened a kitchen cabinet and found half an onion where a glass would normally be. The refrigerator door was open and there were papers covered in writing on the kitchen table. I looked at one and it said, “A Message to Bill Gates. A new software program that will revolutionize the world. If only BILL GATES will listen!” 


 


It was my partner’s 21st birthday that day.  The night before he forgot how to write a check. We laughed. He tried to tell me how to parallel park the car even though he is French and doesn’t drive. We laughed. He told us he had a solution to all of our relationship crises. We laughed. His eyes were as wide as saucers and he was sweating. There was a weird grimace on his face and when he looked at me and said, “Ok. Tell me the truth. You’ve been with your ex haven’t you?” I remember thinking, what in the world is he talking about? I haven’t seen my ex in over four years damn it! 


 


I didn’t know anything that day over 20 years ago.  I thought he was just being weird. That night, I woke up at 2:00 AM and he was gone. Vanished. I knew then that I had to get some help. I called the police and they asked me where he might be and suggested I call a hospital.  I called the ER and when they asked, “Is there mental illness in the family?”  I said, “I’m not sure. I did hear that his father has something called manic depression.” 


 


I was so naive. (What are the chances that two people who met in a Tokyo bar would have what we now call bipolar disorder and neither knew it when they met!)  After he disappeared, I found him and called the police to take him to the hospital. This started the odyssey that changed my life forever.  He was in the hospital in a manic and psychotic episode for three months and then went back in the hospital when his mania and psychosis turned into suicidal depression. It was hell. 


 


I write about this experience in all of my books and right now Kim,  it seems you are going through the same experience. No matter how famous your are- no matter what great doctors you find to tell you what is going on, no matter how much money you have, you are in a new world where the person you love is gone and you are looking at the symptoms of an illness that you have to study and understand in order to figure out why he acts as he does and why a relationship so filled with possibilities and love has been rough for so long. 


 


One year after my partner was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder one, I left him to go to China to ‘experience the world! and was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder two with psychotic features. If diagnosed today, I would get a schizoaffective diagnosis. Kanye has been very open in public lately and he probably has more psychosis that someone with typical bipolar or he is still using cannabis. He seems manic and psychotic. 


 


Kanye has shown the signs of bipolar disorder and a separate psychotic disorder for many years. I should know as I have the same symptoms and he is acting exactly as my partner did when I had to call the police. I don’t care about labels. I don’t care about being right or wrong, but I do know that when it comes to a mental illness like bipolar disorder, the symptoms are so obvious it eventually becomes impossible to ignore them. Don’t get me wrong. Kanye can ignore them. The people around him can ignore the symptoms and call them ‘exhaustion,’ and ‘sleep deprivation psychosis,’ but you Kim, you are the partner. And partners, unlike any other person close to someone see it all. 


 


Bipolar disorder is a mental health disorder that has depression and mania. It’s very simple to diagnose.  Mania manifests in high energy. It can be a positive feeling which is called euphoric mania or it can be the super nasty negative energy called dysphoric mania. I write for Bp Magazine. It explains bipolar disorder in detail and it has many stories from people in the entertainment industry. The latest being Mariah Carey. 


 


Kim. Everyone is going to focus on Kanye.  I’m writing you to offer something different.  I suggest that right now, this is about your education. You are a pioneer.  You try new things and learn from your own experiences. This will suit you well as you figure out what is really going on in Kanye’s mind and get the help not only that he needs, but the help that you as a family need. I remember the young girl who sold clothes from her own closet. That person has all of the strength needed to get though this. 


 


Kim, when Kanye gets all creative and his gorgeous brown eyes glow and he loves your body and wants to touch you all of the time and tell you about his new shoe line and how his models will look on the runway and how he is going to do this in concert and how he is going to do a book about your relationship and then how he is going to dress your kids and take you to this event and that awards show and how he is going to be the king of the world, this is not only personality. When he talks about slavery in an away that is simply bizarre, this is not just for publicity, this sounds like manic psychosis. 


 


Do you get tired? 


 


Most partners do. 


 


When he can’t get out of bed and tells you he is worried about life and how he won’t be able to finish what he started, how everyone is out to get him, the media hates him and how his friends are turning on him….


 


Do you get scared? 


 


Most partners do. 


 


Bipolar disorder is an episodic illness. This means that those of us with the mood swings will have periods of time where we are just fine. This makes the other episodes seem like anomalies. I have noticed this with Kanye. I notice it in myself. We can explain away our manias because we are simply smarter and more creative than everyone else. Well, when creativity and intelligence leave and are replaced by sadness, crying, self doubt, hopelessness and irritation, we can then examine the contrast that can live in one person. Those are mood swings and have little to do with personality. 


 


The majority of us with bipolar disorder who are artists, writers, singers, actors, activists, politicians and basically anyone in the spot light get praised for our manias. We learn to feed off them. “You wrote an outline for your book and got a book deal in a weekend, Julie. That is amazing!” 


 


In reality, it’s amazing until it’s not and you haven’t written a book in many years due to symptoms, you have lost your marriage and people simply think you can’t get your act together. This is where I was for years.  This is where you are now with Kanye. 


 


The hardest thing for many of us with bipolar disorder is seeing mania for what it is, especially when psychosis is involved. It’s simply the other side of the bipolar disorder coin. Depression is on one side and of course we HATE it, but we have to learn to HATE the mania just as much. Mania is often far more destructive than the depression we all hate so much. 


 


The majority of people with bipolar disorder who have massive manic episodes where they don’t sleep and are not tired, talk with what I call machine gun mouth, make incredibly rash financial decisions, want a lot of sex, can’t let others talk, are overly creative and absolutely wild with energy, get pissed off easily, will fight and take on anyone they feel has been insulting……. also get psychotic. 


 


I love it that you and the people around you are openly talked about Kanye’s psychosis in 2016. You used the word paranoia, which is a psychotic delusion. Bravo. When Britany Spears went through the same mania and psychosis, remember the Vegas marriage, shaving her head, the police coming to her house when she locked herself in the bathroom? the media coverage was appalling. Words such as ‘crazy,’ ‘insane,’ and ‘damaged,’ were regularly used.  I have always felt that by not talking to us about what obviously happened- believe me, your parents do not take over your estate for physical illness, Britney missed a chance to change the world for the better. 


 


Kanye’s ‘rants’ that were caught on tape during Saturday Night Live and his 2016 ‘rant’ in the concert before his hospitalization were not rants- nor is this talk about slavery and Donald Trump. This is  manic psychotic talk.  We all sound the same when we are manic and psychotic. I’ve read Kanye’s song lyrics for many years. That is creativity. I read what Kanye says when manic and psychotic and I see illness.  Today, when I see what just happened at the White House as the people around him obviously could see he is mentally ill and instead choose to just call him creative, it’s time to get him out of the spot light and into the hospital for treatment. This never ends well Kim. 


 


There are no tortured artists. I don’t buy into this. Kanye is only tortured when he is in a mood swing. He seems like a level headed, interesting and deep thinking man when he is stable.  When an artist of Kanye’s talent gets manic and psychotic in today’s world and we talk about it openly and without fear, it’s a chance for a change so huge that we will never have to go back to the dark ages of mental health ignorance. 


 


Kim, you have now lived with someone who has all of the signs of bipolar disorder and possibly my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and you are scared. 


 


I know this. I’ve helped partners for 20 years who are going through this. I was so scared when my partner was sick and in the hospital I had breast pains for months and couldn’t work. I would get in my car for the drive to the hospital and prepare myself for not knowing what I would see. I remember taking the elevator to THE FLOOR.  There was a phone I had to use to get into the locked ward.  Nothing was marked. I saw heart unit floors and burn units and cancer units, but my beloved’s unit was blank. The shame of that upset me so much!  Why doesn’t it say mental health! Why do we hide our mental illnesses when we so openly talk about AIDS and ALS and MS and other illnesses! 


 


I lovingly encourage you to say, “My partner has a mental illness and we are going to love him and help him the way we would if he had type one diabetes.” People will listen. 


 


Kanye has his own path. I know what he is experiencing and it’s going to be hard. If he wants to keep his marriage, be a loving father to his children, create and perform, travel and move forward in life, it will have to be with his mental health in mind at all times. 


 


I am disabled greatly due to my bipolar disorder. I don’t lie about this. I almost didn’t write this piece due to the inevitable panic attack I go through when I step out into the world.  We need people like you to help us survive. Stable partners. Stable mothers and fathers. Stable mothers in law and sisters in law to help us. You have created a dynasty of caregiving people. It is as though you were preparing yourself for this year Kim. 


 


 


For me, learning that I had bipolar disorder at age 31 saved my life. I never thought I would make it to 50. I was wild, out of control and unable to get a handle on why I couldn’t slow down. I’m over 50 and plan to stay alive. 


 


I still see and feel myself dialing that number on the psychiatric ward to go see my partner. I would be let in and there he was. My beloved, sweet man. In a hospital robe, strapped down to his bed because he was violent, refusing his medications and telling everyone that he had an affair a few months before and then saying to me, “It was only one time Julie! It was only one time.” Every day for months I heard this. I would look into his eyes and say, “ Where are you? Why are you doing this to me? Don’t you love me? Where have you gone?” I blamed him for doing something to me to harm our love. I had no understanding of what he was going through. 


 


No one helped me. No one explained that bipolar disorder is episodic. No one told me the basics of what I needed to expect when he got home. (Kim, what goes up must come down. It’s time to create a plan for the depression Kanye is probably going to experience soon. And another piece of advice, anti depressants make us manic Kim!) It would have been so simple if people had talked to me. It is so simple. If I had heard, “Julie, your partner has a genetic illness passed from his father. He is manic and psychotic which is why he acts as he does. The psycho babble, the odd hand gestures, the wild eyes, telling you he wants a divorce, asking you if you had been shot, telling you how to hold you fingers in a certain way as they represented a message from the Freemasons is simply how all people who are manic and psychotic talk. He is in there and he will be back. It’s going to be ok Julie.” 


 


No one did this. 


 


I am doing this for you now. 


 


It’s going to be ok Kim. 


 


Kanye will be back. He is going to be very, very tired. I always say that even one day of full blown mania and psychosis is like running a marathon. The adrenaline we produce is off the charts. He is going to be embarrassed. He is going to be out of his mind with worry that right when you needed him most, after what happened in Paris, he is the one who got sick. There are videos on Youtube by Dr. Jay Carter called Bipolar Light that can explain the brain chemistry changes Kanye is going through right now. They can help the whole family. 


 


Eventually, Kanye is going to ask what happened. He won’t remember everything. We rarely do. Here is what you can say to him Kim to help him get through this. 


 


Kanye, right now all that matters is your stability. The future will wait. I am here and you are here and we are all safe. You have an illness called bipolar disorder.  Millions of people around the world have this illness. You are normal Kanye. You are my beloved husband and father and it’s ok for husbands and fathers to get sick. I had people around me to help me with what happened in Paris. You helped. Thank you. You are not responsible for me now. I am fine. You need rest and support. And now, it’s time for us to educate ourselves on what is creating the behavior that is no longer just creative and fun. It’s time for us to find the real you and the you that has mental health symptoms. We are detectives. I am here for you. We can do this together. 


 


 


Kim, the chances that Kanye won’t be able to join you on this detective journey at first are high. Lack of insight is one of our main symptoms. Don’t let this stop you. Read books on bipolar disorder and educate yourself. If the symptoms fit, that is your discovery. There are books to help you get through this as a partner. I know as I wrote the first one.  You can help him no matter how much he joins you at first. Educate the whole family. Educate yourself. Educate the children. 


 


You have worked so hard to get where you are today. I doubt you ever thought that maybe, just maybe you could use this hard work to open our eyes to the reality that 25%  of the world’s population is affected by a diagnosable mental health disorder. We are not freaks. We are not crazy. We love and are loved.


 


 


Join us Kim. I encourage you to be honest with what you are going through with Kanye. Use the big words like bipolar disorder, psychosis, anxiety, PTSD and OCD.  Use your incredible style and flair and make what you are going through another work of art.


 


 


We embrace you in this time of need. 


 


 


Julie


 


Julie A. Fast is the author of  Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner and Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder. She was Claire Dane’s original consultant for Homeland and writes for Bp Magazine at www.bphope.com.

Julie Fast bipolar video blog on bipolar disorder and money worries!

Oh my goodness- this is from 2008. How little the world changes. What can I learn from myself ten years ago- how am I affected by the government now. We did have a better economic time and then…. we had a contentious election and now people are stressed. What I say in the video still holds true- no matter the date!

I’m working hard on maintaining my stability concerning work and money right now!  Everyone – well, almost everyone I know has concerns.  The bipolar symptoms were coming on pretty strongly today and I just said to myself- Julie, you have been through a lot worse than this… just keep going! So here is my video blog on the topic!

Julie

Bipolar Disorder and Finding the Right Medications for YOUR Body

I have been quite sick since coming off Sequel. Coming off a medication of any kind can be a trying experience. )Always do it with the help of a professional.)  I started Seroquel when my paranoia was getting in the way of a new part time job.

Oh how I wish I could tolerate more psych meds. I had a good experience with Sequel for two weeks and then the side effects took over. Not everyone has this experience. A former psychiatrist of mine called me Julie, the Side Effect Queen.

Please know that what you read online about meds is only information for you to digest and then apply to your own life. Bipolar as an illness is the same for all of us all over the world.

We CAN make generalizations about bipolar symptoms. It’s completely different with the meds used to treat bipolar.

Bipolar meds are an individual experience. It’s not collective. It’s not what happens to someone else will happen to you.

It’s up to you to test psych meds in your body and find out what works for you. This is one reason I get so very, very upset with organizations that are anti medications. If medications were the same for each person, I could see how one organization could take a particular stance. But meds are not the same for everyone.

Most people tell stories online when something goes wrong. This creates a very biased look at the situation. People who can take psych meds- those who have a plan that works- are getting on with life. They are not on the chat boards or asking for help. So, the info is skewed.

When my clients use my plan and it works, they get on with life. Their children go back to school and have a job and a family. They are not in trouble with the police or looking up conspiracy theories online instead of taking care of their housework. They are well and they don’t write about it.

Why I Take Bipolar Medications 

I have a medication I use that keeps me out of 24 hour suicidal depression. It is not a med that works for everyone. I know people who have been on lithium for 30 years with no side effects or kidney problems. You don’t hear about them as they are doing well and don’t feel the need to write about all that is happening in life as they are too busy leading their life.

Try psych meds. That is my message. Try them in a low dose and go from there. They are part of a management plan. They go with what I write about in my books. They are NOT the first line of treatment for bipolar. Symptom management through learning about your triggers and making lifestyle changes is what comes first.

Then, you use meds for what is left that you can’t take care of on your own.

My paranoia was making it impossible for me to sleep. So I tried Serqouel. It worked very well. I am not paranoid now. Yes, I then had a lot of side effects, but this doesn’t mean the medication is bad. It means I can’t tolerate it.

When you read stories online always remember that it’s easier to write about the bad than the good. When things are good, we are not spending all day online.

I now know that I can’t tolerate daily use of Seroquel, but I can take it as needed if the paranoia is raging. I also use lithium orotate as needed for mania.

Julie

A Few Differences Between Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder

 

Just answered a question on my BP Magazine for Bipolar blog about the differences between #bipolar and #borderline regarding triggers. The person asking had the idea that bipolar is not a triggered illness while borderline is. Here is a brief clarification:


 


Bipolar disorder is an ancient and genetic illness that affects a person’s ability to regulate the mood. It is not related to childhood events. It is not a trauma illness. It is also very episodic. When a person with bipolar is not manic or depressed, the mood is stable.


 


Borderline is a personality disorder with symptoms that are consistent over time. The cause is up for debate. For the majority of people, borderline is trauma based.


 


Bipolar and borderline are not related as illnesses.


 


What about triggers?


 


Bipolar is absolutely triggered by outside events. My book Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder has a chapter on the topic. We have many different ways to get sick with this illness. It really can come out of nowhere- life is fine and boom, we get sick. This is what I call the rogue mood swing. But the majority of our moods swings are triggered. This is a positive as it means we can manage the illness by managing our triggers.


 


Borderline is usually triggered by relationship or life events. It is much more related to interpersonal relationships than bipolar disorder.


 


Only bipolar has mania. Borderline never has mania.


 


Julie


PS: I chose this pictures as it represents how bipolar and borderline might look the same, but they are actually very different illnesses.

Scott Duvall Hypnotherapy Help with Attention and Focus Problems

I will do anything to increase my ability to focus- well, let me modify that statement. I will do anything natural to help me increase my ability to focus.  I can’t take medications for ADD symptoms as they cause mania. I can’t take memory medications as they also cause mood swings. But I can focus on natural treatments.

Most people with bipolar struggle with brain fog at some time during a depression.  Even when we are manic, the focus is not always productive as it can be very scattered. We need help with attention and focus problems so that we can work and be productive in life.

My goal is simple.  I want to work. I want to sit down with a set of tasks and systematically get them done.  To do this, I have to get help from people who have skills that can help me on my path.  I feel lucky that I found Scott Duvall of PDX Hypnotherapy. I originally contacted him for help with weight loss. That part of our work together is ongoing and I will write more about this soon. For now, I want to discuss the results I had using hypnotherapy for focus and attention.

Working with someone who understands the bipolar brain is essential.  Natural treatments can make us more ill if the practitioner is not well versed in what it means to have bipolar and how any changes in our lives can lead to mood swings. I was very impressed with Scott’s knowledge of the illness. He made sure I was working with a doctor before he would work with me. This was the professional security I needed. I can’t turn this brain over to anyone!

Hypnotherapy Help for Focus

I had an immediate change in focus after one talking session and one hypnotherapy session with Scott. I went from panic attacks and all kinds of anxiety around work, to sitting down and opening my computer with more ease. It has not been easy, but the results are worth it.

I still struggle due to my mental health and brain injury challenges, but I was able to increase my work load by at least 50% after working with Scott.  That is not a typo. I really had quite amazing results. I still listen to our hypnotherapy session when I need a boost to my productivity. My struggles are not over. When you have bipolar and a brain injury as I do, continual help is needed. I fell very lucky that I found Scott Duvall. He is gentle and safe for people with mental health disorders.

 

 

I highly recommend hypnotherapy for any focus related struggles including ADD and head injuries. We can change the way our brains work and the way we work as a result.  But it takes work on my part as well.  I made sure I put myself in a place I could work and can say I went from crying in front of the computer from stress to opening it and getting to work. I still struggle. I still struggle as a person with bipolar and a head injury, but our session changed everything in terms of the anxiety I felt around work.  I owe him so much for taking me seriously and asking the right questions during our session.

If you are in the Portland, Oregon area or you would like to work with Scott virtually, please call 

503 238-4428

Julie 

Help for When the Bipolar Gets Really, Really Bad

    
I’ve had mood swings while sleeping where I can tell that my eyes are closed and that I’m dreaming, but the symptoms of the day are still present even though my brain has supposedly gone into a different state. I’ve experienced panic attacks during a nap and have been so suicidal I’ve rolled in a ball promising the people around me that I would NOT kill myself. This is my bipolar reality.  I want to be honest about what I experience so that you will not have to feel alone if it happens to you as well. 

We have a mental illness. This is our reality. It doesn’t matter what we call it. It doesn’t even matter if we deny we have it. The reality of our mood swings are there for all to see. I often experience depression, anxiety, mania and psychosis in the same day. I keep a lot of this to myself and I know what to do for help, but reality is reality. My brain is not my friend. 

You are not alone if you haven’t found a magic pill that takes away the mood swings. You are not alone if you struggle in school and work. You are not alone if this illness profoundly affects your relationships. You can’t put lipstick on a piggy wiggy and you can’t perfume dog poop. Sorry to be so crude. But bipolar is bipolar no matter how much we try to talk about it positively. Despite all of this, I am still an incredibly positive person and I’m hoping you an also find a way to love life, despite the pain caused by this illness. 

Why am I being so honest? It is how I survive. If I buy in to the idea that this illness is easy to treat and that one day I’m going to magically be better, I will be upset every time I get sick. I’m a realist and this helps me move forward in life despite my mood swings. 

When I look in the mirror and remind myself, “Julie, you have a genetic mental health disorder that affects your ability to manage you moods. It’s normal for you to have mood swings,”, it clears the brain for getting help. 

Denial, refusal to accept my limitations, thinking I will wake up one day and my brain will have righted itself and listening to people who say that mental illness is a sham or shameful takes up valuable time and brain space that I need for my management plan.

All of this involves having a plan in place I can use when the moods start raging. I need specific strategies in place for staying alive when the suicide shows up simply because someone writes something rotten about one of my blogs. I need the space to put something in my brain that is going to help from medications to meditation and supportive friends to exercise and having fun.  Managing this illness has to be my job or I will not be able to reach any of my goals. 

People often ask if the illness gets worse as you get older. There is no evidence for this, but I can tell you that it gets harder to manage as your body changes and life gets more crowded. When you’re 20 and don’t have as many worries, the illness may be the same, but it will affect your life incredibly differently when you are 40 and have kids and a mortgage, or you have lost this part of your life due to illness and you are no rebuilding. 

My attitude is one of realistic positivity.  If I know what I’m up against, I can be ready for the mood swings when they inevitably appear. I’m going on year 22 of my diagnosis and year 37 since my first symptoms. I am ready for this illness. Life now has far more good moments than bad.  I remain fascinated with my own brain. I remain vigilant and kind to myself when I get sick. This is illness. It’s not emotional instability. It’s not a personal choice and it’s not something created by my childhood. It’s genetic, it’s strong and I have to be ready for what it throws at me, even if I’m sleeping. I am up to the task and I know you can be as well.  When my bipolar disorder gets really bad and I feel I am too sick to function, I know that I am going to be ok because I have a plan. It’s an illness. I am strong and you are too. 

Julie 

Book Review for To Pieces, a Novel about Teenage Bipolar by Kati Rocky

A Book Review of a Kati Rocky’s YA book about bipolar disorder by a teen reader who has bipolar disorder in his family.

To Pieces by Kati Rocky is a Great Book to Help People Understand Bipolar Disorder,  Especially for Teenagers.

 

by David Fast

David Fast is 16 and goes to high school in Portland, Oregon.  He grew up learning about bipolar disorder from his aunt, the bipolar disorder author Julie A. Fast.  The following is his review of the book To Pieces by Kati Rocky.

 

‘To Pieces’, a novel by Kati Rocky offers an amazing view into the mind of someone with bipolar disorder. The book is from the perspective of a teen girl named Jane who seems to have a normal, average life. This all changes when one day she goes into a downswing, making her depressed. Her sister makes her get help from a psychiatrist and she takes antidepressants. She then has a full on manic episode and needs extreme help.

This book is a good reading opportunity for those who want to understand bipolar, to know what it is like from the inside of someone with the disorder. Rothy gives us the thoughts of Jane, when she is in different mood swings and stable, with vivid examples of how different someone can be from their “true self” as Jane thinks. Jane experiences downswings, upswings, risks from certain medications, hospitalization, recovery, and tells the reader how these unfortunate but all too real situations affect her own personal life. Through the mind of Jane, people without bipolar can better understand, and those with bipolar  can better understand themselves. ‘To Pieces’ is a great bipolar book, especially for teens.

‘To Pieces’ from Tempus Press is available on Amazon.com. 

About Kati Rocky

A note from Julie A. Fast. I recently interviewed Kati about To Pieces.   I will write more about her work in the future. Please contact David on Instagram @NorthwestOutlaw and let him know that you enjoyed his review. We starting talking about my bipolar disorder when he was four years old. He is not scared of the illness and we often talk about the signs he needs to look for in himself as he gets older.  If he says that To Pieces is a realistic depiction of a teen with bipolar, I believe him! I see him as an expert on the topic. Below is a question from my interview with Kati. I promise to add more soon.

Kati, Have you heard from kids with bipolar who have read the book? 

I have heard from kids – and adults – who have bipolar disorder and they have unanimously told me that they found Jane and her experience one hundred percent authentic and realistic. One reader told me that he got goosebumps during some of the portions of the book because it reminded him so much of his experiences. Another reader told me that she had to take a break from the depression section of the book and come back to it because it was digging up memories that were painful for her. There was a fifteen-year-old girl who told me that even though she doesn’t have bipolar disorder she felt close to Jane. She is on medication for a severe anxiety disorder and this gave her a lot of perspective into Jane and into some of the situations she got herself into. 

Check back to the blog for my interview with Kati Rocky.   You can visit her on Twitter @KatiRocky.

How long does it take to bounce back from a bipolar episode?

Well, we certainly don’t bounce back. We crawl back into the world on our hand and knees. Then we stand a bit and finally we can walk again. A metaphor of course, but you know what I mean!


 


I am getting over a week of rapid cycling caused by a medication. The medication was working, so it’s sad that the side effects were too much for me to handle.


 


There are mood swings and body twitches to deal with, but I will survive.


 


When you get sick, it’s as though your body has run a marathon. You must give yourself time to get better. You won’t want to do this. You want to just get back to life.


 


It doesn’t work that way. The body needs what it needs. Be nice to yourself. Rest, but not too much. Move the body. Remind yourself that you are going to be ok.


 


It takes time.


 


Julie

Why My Bipolar is not an Excuse for Rude Behavior

When did having a mental health disorder become an excuse for being mean? I used to be a right blue meanie before I was diagnosed. I’ve shared this story before, but I’m sharing it again for those of you who are new to my work. 

When I was in college (my 4th college and my 8th year!), I had a friend I really liked named Gwen. We were both tutors for the University of Washington football team. It was an amazing job with a lot of interesting encounters and many  perks. 

But I had undiagnosed bipolar and didn’t know why I was always so unhappy. I complained about everything and looking back, I can’t believe I kept as many friends as I did. One night, Gwen and I were walking up a long set of stairs to attend an interesting event that a lot of people wanted to go to and we were a few of those on the guest list. I was complaining and complaining about who knows what, but I do remember saying, “Wow, there are a lot of stairs, “ or something like that and she stopped, right on those stairs and looked at me and said, “No more! I can’t take it any more! I can’t take one more negative comment from you! I am done! I am done! Nothing is good enough! Nothing!”  I was crushed because she was right. I was so negative. I hated it about myself. Everyone hated it. I had no idea where it came from as I was often a lot of fun which is why I had so many friends in the first place. 

I was raised in a very negative environment. This was pointed out to me many times by therapists, but I still had so much trouble controlling my negativity during certain times. 

My diagnosis answered many questions, but no one really taught me how to handle myself in social situations. I would be cheerful and fun (euphoric mania) and then mean and nasty (negative depression.)  

I fight my negative thoughts to this day. My question for myself and for you is  What are we going to do about negativity so that we don’t take it out on others? 

Here is what I do- and believe me, it’s always a work in progress. 


I’m careful on social media. I often write opinion pieces that others find upsetting. When someone says I’m being mean or unkind, I listen and I examine what I have written. I learn.  What I ask is that we think of how we show our displeasure with others online. When I write a comment, I start with the positive and then voice my more negative feelings in a way that shows it is simply an opinion and not an attack. 
I ask others for advice. The people around me must let me know if I’m being too negative. I can’t always hear it in myself. This is especially true in a romantic relationship. People who love us romantically will handle our negativity a lot longer than the general public, but eventually people will snap, just as Gwen did on the stairs.


Bipolar mood swings make me mean and nasty.  Depression makes me see the dirt of the world. Dysphoric mania not only makes me negative, but it fills me with the attacking desire to actually harm others with my words. 

This world is not here to please me. I am here to interact in the world and hopefully leave a positive mark with my work. It is a struggle. This bipolar is strong.  I have a list of my very unappealing symptoms that I memorized a long time ago. When they show up now, I fight them. I write them in my journal. I do a blog post. What I don’t want to do is take them out on others. I have bipolar and it can make me mean, but this is not an excuse for bad behavior. 

Julie