Katherine Graham's Blog, page 6

Breaking away from busyness

Timetables, schedules, diaries – call them what you will, but they can take over your life. I had a moment earlier this week when it felt like I was being assailed by appointments, events and things you are supposed to do – like your child’s school AGM, family day, extramural activities, birthday celebrations… The list goes on and on.

That evening, my husband and I had a discussion about this onslaught of things requiring your attention, things that need to be slotted in and the helpless sense that your time is being slowly eroded by stuff that isn’t exactly what you wanted to do in the first place.

Talking about it helped. We realised that we were blithely saying “yes” to everything, whereas in reality we do have the choice to also say “no”. Overloading your schedule so that there is no time for you or your family members to breathe is not a good thing.

When is there time for just chilling at home, playing ball games in the garden, taking a walk in the park or doing something adventurous like going for a hike? Shouldn’t those things be slotted in, too? Not to mention date nights, which are invaluable for keeping the romance fires kindled in your marriage, but are so easily neglected because poor Mom and Dad are exhausted by the end of the week.

I’m sure I’m not the only parent who struggles with this. I call it the Rubik’s Cube Conundrum – remember those toys so popular in the Eighties that you spent hours twisting and turning, trying to figure out how to get the different colours to align? Well, that’s how I find trying to work out a way to fit in all the activites that you’re expected to do. Quite frankly, it’s taking up more and more of my time and I don’t like it.

It reminds me of the film, The Little Prince, in which the protagonist is required to account for every 15 minutes of her life dictated by a gigantic timetable her mother has devised. When she discovers the eccentric man who lives next door, this tight schedule is abandoned in favour of lots of free play, fun and exploration, which makes her feel like her day is a lot longer and fuller than it was before.

There has to be a way to turn things around so that what’s important is prioritised first and the other stuff fits around it. Come to think of it, it’s a bit like trying to fit stones into a jar that already has sand in it – impossible. But when you put the stones in first (and here I mean the things that really matter to you), the sand naturally filters in around them – perfecto! That’s what I need to do. The verse that keeps coming to mind is, “Be still and know that I am God.”

It’s time to put some sorely needed boundaries in place. So, dear husband, let’s schedule that long-overdue date. Let’s decide when we’d like to do a family hike together – never mind if there’s a meeting or tennis lesson or whatever else someone has planned for that date. Let’s be a little bit selfish and set aside time for ourselves – first. Then everyone else can wait in line for what’s left.

Crowded House – Declaring War on Junk

My dad has a saying (and if you’ve known him for any length of time, you’ve probably heard it dozens of times): “Work expands to fill the time available.” This explains why a simple task can take the whole afternoon when you have nothing better to do. But I think this same principle applies to stuff: clutter expands to fill the space available. Which means, put simply, if you have five drawers in your kitchen, you will find things to fill them up with, even though in your previous apartment, you only had one kitchen drawer.

After a few years of living in the same place, you may find yourself asking: “Where did all this stuff come from? And how much of it do I really need, anyway?” This is exactly what happened to us. We’ve been in our semi-detached house (a half house, as our eldest son so eloquently puts it) for four years. Now that I’m publishing my own books, I need to find a place to put them. This is hard when every nook and cranny is taken up by stuff, some of it useful and other bits of it decidedly not. Especially after Christmas and the boys’ birthdays, we find the level of stuff that we have in our house is barely containable.

The study shelves – messy, but not too scary

I have taken a very hardline approach (my poor husband trembles). He remembers the day not long after we got married when I started attacking the mementoes he had been carefully squirrelling away under his bed as a student. There were drawings from his high-school days, architectural designs from university and a whole heap of other stuff which I deemed unworthy of keeping. The poor guy was almost in tears staring at the pile of his precious papers, although I must point out that I did salvage a beautiful pencil sketch of flowers of his which I had framed and which adorned our bedroom wall for years.

(To my husband’s credit, I feel obliged to add that he is much better at cleaning out digital junk than I am. Here I mean photos and videos that clog up your smart phone, e-mails that drown your inbox, multiple hybrid copies of files that you store in Dropbox, etc. Ahem – guilty as charged…)

You see, I have the potential to be ruthless. I get this from my mother and her strong Germanic roots. When I edit, I slash paragraphs and lop off words to my heart’s content. This has got me in trouble before with editors who prefer a gentler approach to copy editing. But I find it quite wonderful, really – quite liberating. And there is something very satisfactory about cleaning out cupboards, organising them, getting rid of unwanted clothes and making room for new ones. That’s probably what I enjoy most – by giving away, I’m hoping to receive more. After all, it’s by giving that we receive. If I have room in my cupboards, then maybe I can get another pair of pants or another shirt. Once more, there’s breathing space in my world. Ahhh…

The garage shelf – messy and scary

Cleaning out cupboards is one thing, cleaning up the garage is another. And that is the formidable task my husband and I have set ourselves this holiday: Operation Tidy-Up in the garage. I have English setwork books from my final year of high school (eek! yes, I too can be a hoarder, given half the chance). Gavin, no doubt, will unearth some more buried treasure from his past. We will have to sift through this all and sort out the wheat from the chaff. There might be some harsh words (although hopefully not too many), some disagreements about what gets chucked along the way. There will be plenty of sweat and dust and discomfort. But I’m excited that hubby used the words “new shelving system” when we discussed our plans for the garage. Doesn’t that sound impressive?

Space, glorious space!

In the meantime, we’ve bought a fabulous new 1.8m by 900cm shelf which is standing in our lounge. It is pristine white wood, a shy virgin in that she has never before been used. All those silky smooth shelves waiting to be filled with books… It’s like the feeling you got as a child before Christmas, looking at all the presents under the tree. But we’re saving that till last. First comes the painful part – sorting, sifting, letting go, giving stuff away. (Hopefully someone will find my 1994 copy of Hamlet useful.) Tidying up, organising, cleaning. And then – only then – can we start stocking the shelves again and laying the books and files out nealty.

That will be our reward – that beautifully arranged, immaculate bookshelf, which proudly declares: “This house is neat. This house is organised. Junk – beware! You are not welcome here.” Let’s hope the feeling lasts – at least for the next four years.

Artistic Collaboration – Gotta Love It!

I’ve just published my latest book, Moonshine, which is a great example of creative collaboration. But it’s taken me a while to get to this point. When I first started taking my creative writing seriously last year, I thought in order to save costs, I would do as much as possible myself. My reasoning was: I can write children’s stories (easy!), I can illustrate (perhaps not so easy) and I can self-publish my books (once I’ve got the hang of it).

What I knew I couldn’t do was design book covers and actually, the more I looked at my own illustrations, the more it dawned on me that I did have limitations after all. Yes, I admit it, I’m not perfect. I can’t do it all. I need help.

And rather than that being something that dampened my spirits, I found the realisation quite comforting. It’s good to have a team of creative people around you to help. Enter Kirsty, my very helpful graphic designer, who is always willing to silence a child with a healthy snack so she can quickly update my website for me. (You’re a star, Kirsty!)

Enter Upwork, with its amazingly skilled and reasonably priced professionals. I’ve found great illustrators through this nifty website, including Silvia Carrus, who illustrated The Poofiest Pong, and Sarowar Hossein, who did the amazing black-and-white illustrations for Moonshine. And I’ve found two great graphic designers too, who added considerable flair to the covers of both The Poofiest Pong and Moonshine.

Before: This was my humble sketch for chapter one of Moonshine.

Let me talk a little bit about how this collaboration works… With Moonshine, which tells the story of how 12-year-old Neo discovers that her Basotho pony is magical, I started out doing my own drawings. Firstly, it takes an inordinate length of time for a recovering perfectionist like me to draw. And as a work-from-home mom with two pre-schoolers, art sessions do not happen very frequently in our home.

Secondly, I don’t have the required skill level for illustrating. This is apparent when you compare several of my drawings and see how different Neo looks in every drawing. There’s a lack of consistency, a problem you wouldn’t have with a good illustrator. And thirdly, although you’re spending more money getting someone to help you, you’re also boosting the value of your product by making it look more professional and freeing yourself up to do the tasks you’re really good at, which in my case is writing.

And after: This is the illustration that Sarowar did. No prizes for seeing which one is better!

Sarowar, who’s based in Bangladesh, was great to work with – very happy to make changes to his drawings and receptive to ideas. His fine lines and superb use of shading capture the essence of the action and the characters. I especially liked how he conveyed the intimate bond between Neo and her pony.

The book cover was done by Mark Maquino, a graphic designer in the Phillipines. (The irony did not escape me that the author of the book was South African, the illustrator Bangladeshi, the cover designer Fillipino and the book’s protagonist from Lesotho!) Mark impressed me from the outset by his eagerness to do the job, his dedication and panache. When you see the stock image I bought and how he transformed that into the front cover, you realise there must have been some magic at work, and that is what Mark brought to the project.

I hope you’ll agree with me that the people I collaborated with in creating Moonshine really do make the book sparkle – thank you, Sarowar and Mark! And I must also give three cheers for my husband – without his support, encouragement and sage advice, I would have find this journey of self-publishing very daunting. You’re a gem, my darling.

I think as artists we rob ourselves of so much synergy when we refuse to collaborate with others. We see others as competitors, instead of people who can inspire us and help us accomplish our dreams. Helen Keller summed it up beautifully when she said, “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” Here’s to more creative collaboration in the near future…

Kids – Why Back to Basics Works Best

We live in stressful times and often work pressure spills over into our homes. Children sometimes bear the brunt of this, which is why it’s important to find ways to get organised, slow down and let them enjoy unhurried time to play and be themselves.

Recently I attended a talk at my youngest son’s pre-school by Dana Katz, an occupational therapist who studied at the University of Cape Town. She spoke about how children develop skills for learning and said that the number of kids requiring therapy, especially in the developed world, is exponentially on the rise.

Katz said all learning involving cognition and the intellect is founded on your sensory systems. What I found really interesting is that there are seven sensory systems (not five, as I’ve always thought). They are seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touch, vestibular and proprioception. Those last two big words mean this: vestibular refers to your inner ear i.e. balance and your body’s movements, while proprioception refers to the position of your body in space and knowing what your muscles and joints are doing in any given position.

These last three senses – touch, vestibular and proprioception – form the base skills in a child’s development. This makes sense – before you can start cutting with a pair of scissors, you’re learning to sit up, toppling over, crawling and grabbing the side of the coffee table so that you can pull yourself up. “Gravity allows the baby’s brain to map out the position of the body in space or schema,” said Katz.

It’s because we’re wired like this that deep touch – like a hug or massage – calms us down. The message that Katz wanted to drive home for us as parents is that we must “feed the roots” i.e. the tactile, vestibular and proprioceptive senses – rather than the leaves.

“Play is a child’s occupation,” she stated simply, arguing strongly in favour of children being allowed time every day that is completely up to them how they spend. “Downtime and free time is so important,” she said. “Giving your child more time allows them to play, to imagine, to be.” This is where the “back to basics” kicks in – go for a walk to the local park, climb trees, make castle forts out of the lounge furniture, have fun getting dressed up, finding a fun craft activity or doing some baking together. These are all great ways to connect with your children, while also allowing them to develop at their own pace.

On a practical level, Katz recommends doing as much preparation the night before to make the school run in the mornings easier. “You’d be surprised what a difference getting up 15 minutes earlier can make,” she said, emphasising that if you as the parent are calm, it’s more than likely that your children will be too. (Obviously, the converse is also true!) This concept is known as co-regulation, where you and the child together regulate your sensory environment.

More tips for success: No TV or screen time after 5pm (that includes Mommy’s cell phone!). “The brain still processes information two hours after you’ve switched the TV off,” Katz said. Have dinner together, make sure your kids get enough sleep (preschoolers should be getting 12 hours every night), play board games and card games as a family.

Something that really struck me was that we shouldn’t solve all our children’s problems for them. We must allow them to do things for themselves and clean up their own messes (literally). This could be simple chores like feeding the cat, taking out the rubbish or weeding the garden.

Here’s a real-life example: a couple of weeks ago, I was amazed when my eldest son, aged six, offered to make me breakfast in bed. I groaned inwardly, thinking of the mess, the spilled milk and corn flakes all over the countertop. “Okay,” I agreed, taking a chance. And he and his little brother did everything themselves, standing on two chairs in the kitchen, and I’m pleased to say that nothing that I dreaded actually happened. No smashed bowls or major spillage at all – plus I got to have breakfast in bed with them, which is always a treat.

Katz ended her talk with a beautiful poem by Herbert Parker, which really sums up what we should be bearing in mind as we walk this journey of parenting:

The mind of a child is a beautiful place,

An Eden where many things grow,

A garden of beauty where, sheltered by love,

Grow flowers row upon row.

The mind of a child is a wonderful place,

Where wishes and dreams are so real,

Where kittens and puppies and gingerbread men

Can actually talk and feel.

The mind of a child is a mystical place,

Where character grows like a tree,

And children become either better or worse,

By action of you or of me.

Stories, stories, everywhere

 

We think in stories. We live out stories. We tell stories. Stories are everywhere, they are part of the fabric of our lives. When you get back home from a busy working day, you ask your spouse, “How was your day?” And you swap stories about what happened to you that day, what you manged to accomplish, what you left undone, what you found interesting, amusing or upsetting.

If you’re like me, the world of fiction is almost more compelling than the real world. In the real world, you have to clean up messes and make snacks for school and battle the traffic. In the fictive dream, you get to live out epic heroic fantasies, armed with magical swords and elf cloaks (okay – who can tell I’ve been reading Tolkien?) The world of books is often more exciting than our real lives and gives us an escape from the ho-hum humdrum.

This week I had the privilege of talking to some Grade 1, 2 and 3 learners at Hertzlia Primary for Book Week about what it is to be a writer and storytelling. Clearly their teachers had prepped them well, for they all knew that stories must have a beginning, a middle and an end. We had lots of fun playing word association games where rhyming was very popular (goo – poo – moo!) and building a plot using Story Cubes.

My favourite story was about Big Tomahawk (yes, I did provide a suitable name for the protagonist – one boy wanted to give our Native American character the name of Levi!). Big Tomahawk wanted to write a book, but got writer’s block and pierced an arrow through his book in frustration. Then there was the story of Albert Einstein who wondered if he had seen a unicorn the day before, had an ice-cream and… (This is where it got a bit confusing.) I just remember something about an alien and the ice-cream cone ending up on a horse, which became a unicorn. Then both Albert and the unicorn went parachuting down to earth. (Okay, I think that one needed a bit of reworking to make the character motivations a bit clearer.)

It was great to have an interactive session with the kids – I didn’t want it to be just about me and my books (although I did read Alfonso the Tooth Mouse to them). I wanted to awaken in them an interest in stories and the craft of storytelling. It was clear that some of them are already budding authors and love reading.

Books are magical things. Walt Disney put it so succinctly when he said:

“There is more treasure in books than in all the pirates’ loot on Treasure Island and at the bottom of the Spanish Main … and best of all, you can enjoy these riches every day of your life.”

One of my favourite authors is Roald Dahl. His books made such an impression on me as a child. As soon as I could read competently on my own, I was diving into The Twits, The Witches, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – in fact, any of his books that I could lay my hands on. This year, while my eldest son was nursing a cold, we read The BFG, which I think is my best Dahl book (I also loved his two autobiographies). His use of language is so rich and colourful and it’s hard not to fall in love with the bumbling, happy-go-lucky Big Friendly Giant.

The bit I love is when the BFG and Sophie discuss farting, which perhaps was part of the inspiration behind my own children’s book, The Poofiest Pong.

“A whizzpopper!” cried the BFG, beaming at her. “Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpoppers is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping is forbidden among human beans?”

Half of the appeal of this book are the words that Dahl invented for his lovable giant. It reminds me of Lewis Carrol’s Jabberwocky, replete with curious words like “galumphing” and “burbled”. My boys’ faces as I recited that poem to them for the first time was a study in wonder. They couldn’t believe something so crazy existed, especially as it involved a “vorpal blade” and slaying a monster.

That’s one of the reasons I love being a mother and a storyteller – you get to dip into these fantastic worlds of imagination and live vicariously in them, sucking all the goodness and nourishment they contain. Books make living more enjoyable, allowing us to see things with changed eyes. As Dahl himself so famously said, “Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”

Pampering for the feminine soul

Mother’s Day is when you spoil your mother and make her feel special. There’s usually some organising involved, if not cooking and baking as well. The fact that you’re a mom too may get overlooked – although if you’re lucky, you might get some flowers from hubby and a card from the children. The nice thing about Women’s Day is that you get to have it all to yourself and indulge a bit – and that’s just what I did this year at Groot Constantia.

When I saw the invite land in my inbox for a wine and chocolate pairing, I couldn’t resist. “Yes, please!” I responded enthusiastically. For Women’s Month (which, for those of you who don’t know, is the entire month of August in South Africa), Groot Constantia is offering massages and beauty treatments at their cellar, courtesy of Mangwanani Spa. For only R100, you can have a 30-minute head, neck or shoulder massage or a manicure. What makes Mangwanani so special is that the therapists are all rural women whose beauty qualifications have empowered them to earn a decent living.

But, of course, being a Sunday, we were very relaxed and only arrived at Groot Constantia at 4pm, by which time the lovely ladies of Mangwanani Spa had already left. Not to worry – there was a big fire blazing in the cellar, we felt warm and cosy and were promptly handed our slim bars of chocolate and brought our wine glasses. We were all set up for a wonderful afternoon at South Africa’s oldest wine farm (330 years old, to be precise). And it was quite appropriate to be celebrating Women’s Day on this particular estate because way back in 1724, Groot Constantia was owned by a woman and ex-slave, Anna de Koningh, who was a well-known character in Cape society at the time.

Wine pairing is quite a ritual, although you usually picture food being matched with your favourite glass of wine. In this case, the wine was paired with chocolate. Now I’m quite a fan of red wine and chocolate, especially in winter, but I had never imagined pairing white wine and white chocolate, although I suppose logically, it does make sense.

Having all the wine glasses lined up in a row looked quite daunting, but somehow, we worked our way through them. And here were my favourites… Groot Constantia sauvignon blanc with tropical guava white chocolate. Guava and white chocolate is such a great combination on its own, but then to link it up with the fruity crispness of sauvignon blanc was really a winner. It definitely does leave “a delightfully clean palate”, as the menu put it.

My other firm favourite was the Groot Constantia pinotage with blackberry milk chocolate. Naturally, the pinotage tasted good on its own – a very rich medley of flavours – but the chocolate really brought out those deeper notes, especially with the blackberry thrown in. The shiraz was exceptional too, although I found the spicy chocolate a bit too much. I much preferred the morello cherry tobacco dark chocolate, but the Gouverneur’s Reserve that went with it was a bit too musty for me, although I’m sure someone with acquired tastebuds would enjoy it.

It was very hard setting aside some of the chocolate for my two sons, but my caring husband was adamant we needed to share the spoils with them. I could easily have had a few more bars of the guava white chocolate and the cherry dark chocolate, especially if a latte had also been thrown into the mix! (If you want to eat, incidentally, there are two great restaurants on the farm – Simons and Jonkershuis). As it was, though, we had an amazing time sans children, got to amble in the vineyards and soak up the centuries-old atmosphere on the farm and admire the brooding mountains in the distance.

And next time – next time – I’ll be sure to get there on time for a massage.

In celebration of Women’s Month, Groot Constantia is partnering with Mangwanani Spa to offer reasonably priced spa treatments at the estate every Saturday and Sunday during the month of August. For more information, visit www.grootconstantia.co.za.

To enter the competition to win a free massage and chocolate and wine pairing at Groot Constantia, all you need to do is sign up for my free newsletter and “like” my Facebook page. The closing date for entries is 25 August 2015. Good luck!

It makes cents to save

South Africa sucks when it comes to saving. Our savings rate is a pitiful 13% of GDP, compared to China’s 50% and Nigeria’s 50%. And households – the ordinary man or woman in the street – are the worst savers of all. In fact, South African consumers hardly save a cent, burdened as they are with debt, which is why so many people find themselves unprepared when they get to retirement age.

I like the idea behind the One Rand Family. Okay – nobody wants to be paid their monthly salary in R1 coins – you’d feel like you got change for a R200 note at the mall’s parking meter – but there are valuable lessons to learn when you treat money as a finite commodity and not as limitless credit waiting to be used when you swipe your card. I think Londiwe and Sibusiso and their kids are going to learn a lot through the social experiment – by the looks of things, they already are.

But to come back to the idea of savings, let’s take this true story that Charmain Lines shared with me. Sixteen years ago, Charmain was working as a communication officer for Eskom and thought it was time she started saving some of her earnings. She decided to put away R1 a day (R30 a month) into an investment fund and hardly felt the difference when the money was deducted from her account every month.

For years, she never heard from the investment company after it changed hands. “About a year ago, I suddenly started receiving statements from the new company,” she says. “You can imagine my surprise when I discovered that my R30-a-month investment was now worth R16 652.”

It’s a story that goes to show how saving a little over time really does add up. Einstein called compound interest (interest earned on interest) the eighth wonder of the world. “He who understands it, earns it,” he said. “He who doesn’t, pays it.”

Get saving!

Certified financial planner Kris Erasmus says it’s important that you start thinking early on in your career about saving for your retirement. “In today’s money, you need almost R1 million to provide you with an income of R4 000 per month in the 20 years of your retirement, so it’s imperative that you start saving now,” he says. South Africans are notoriously poor savers, but if you buck that trend, you stand to reap the benefits of interest working in your favour.

What can R1 a day get you?

“With saving a rand a day (R30 per month), you can earn 5.7% interest per year in a money market fund which would keep in line with inflation, so after one year you would have saved R370,” explains Erasmus. “After five years you would have saved R2 079; R4 850 after ten years; R8 541 after 15 years; and R13 457 after 20 years.”

What can R5 a day get you?

“If you can afford to save R5 a day (R150 a month) and choose a higher-yielding investment option like unit trusts which can earn 10% a year, then your potential returns look a whole lot better,” explains Erasmus. According to his calculations, saving R150 per month at 10% for one year will earn you R1 885; R11 616 after five years; R30 727 after ten years; R62 171 after 15 years; and R113 905 after 20 years.

A good education costs money

Everyone wants their children to have the best education possible, but we all know that it costs money. It’s frightening how much school and tertiary fees are increasing every year. Most schools push up by about 9% a year, way above the rate of inflation, which means that the earlier you start saving for your child’s education, the better.

For R150 a month, you can invest in a basic savings fund from a bank or insurance company. “When selecting a plan, the desired level of education and duration of studies will determine the amount to be saved,” says Orah Ndumela, consumer education specialist at Hollard Insurance. She says additional factors such as tuition, books, accommodation, annual education cost escalation, the inflation rate and the different costs of tertiary education must also be taken into account.

Saving up to buy appliances

When you’re thinking of buying a new lounge suite, it’s tempting to dip into credit or buy it on hire purchase. How many people actually save up before they splash out and buy something expensive for their home? But really that’s what we should be doing, especially if you consider that by a lounge suite worth R6 500 on hire purchase, you could end up paying almost double for it, even though spending R300 a month to pay it off over three years doesn’t seem like such a big deal.

Okay, so here’s the number crunching part: assuming a modest interest rate of 5.7% a year, by saving R1 a day, you could buy a fancy new stainless steel cordless kettle after one year of saving (for R370), a top-of-the-range microwave after five years (for R2 000), a wide-screen LED TV after ten years (for R4 800) and a metallic state-of-the-art fridge with auto water and ice dispenser after 20 years of saving (for R12 000).

I like the way the Good Book puts it: “Those who save money little by little make it grow.” Let’s have the courage to save up for our dreams – a world cruise, maybe, or a course that will enrich your career – and the discipline to see it through.

A shorter version of this article appeared in the May 2015 issue of the Jet ClubCard magazine.

Write your own children’s book

It’s funny how having a child can be compared to a near-death experience. Not something you’d see in a feel-good Pampers ad, for sure, but with both my pregnancies as the due date approached, I felt some of the fear that you probably experience before dying. And then, once the baby makes its entrance into the world, it’s like you’re given your life back again, albeit with dirty nappies, sleep deprivation and all the rest.

I also felt that with this near-death experience, I gained such a clear sense of what my purpose in life was. Up until then, I’d had a foggy sense of what I should be doing, but when I became a mother I-knew-like-I-knew-that-I-knew that my God-given purpose in life was to write. Not just articles, which is what I’d been doing up till then (and still do to make a living), but to write books. And so my journey as an author began.

Whenever you start something new in life, you have to brace yourself for the challenges that go with it. You have to expect a certain level of resistance to your ideas. After I’d written my first two children’s books, The Dummy Fairy and Alfonso the Tooth Mouse, I had to endure months of waiting and rejection letters that came from publishers. I suppose that is the point at which many people give up, but something told me I needed to carry on fighting.

I had engaged the services of an illustrator friend, Wendy Paterson, so I had a bunch of great illustrations for both books, plus I had the text which I had written. I got an e-mail from writeforkids.org telling me how now was such an exciting time to be self-publishing children’s books on Amazon – it’s easy and free and the royalties are better than traditional publishers – so I figured, Why not?

That’s how my journey into self-publishing began last year and it’s been an interesting ride. Yes, it is fairly easy to get published on Amazon, I’ve learned, but marketing your own books comes with its own challenges. It’s been a very steep learning curve for me, but I’m happy to say that I now have three children’s books under my belt – The Poofiest Pong is my latest release and is a huge hit with young kids – and am busy working on my fourth, a magical story set in Lesotho about a flying unicorn called Moonshine. I’m hoping that once I get into a routine and rhythm, the books will just keep popping out and more and more children will read them and enjoy them.

If you’d like to write your own children’s book, here are some tips for getting started:

1. Keep a journal where you write down ideas for stories and characters.

2. If you have children, pay attention to what they say and what engages their imagination. Use those ideas to fuel your own creativity.

3. Join a writers’ group and try to nurture your writing skills. Remember, talent is an asset, but skill as a writer will always trump that.

4. Flex your creative writing muscles by “working out” i.e. writing for at least half an hour every day. (You can take Sunday off!)

5. Look at the work of other children’s writers – Julia Donaldson, Roald Dahl and Shirley Hughes come to mind. What do they do in their books that makes their stories so appealing? Is it the rhyme, the plot, the characters? Bear in mind that children relate most to stories which are told from a child’s point of view.

6. Once you’ve written your story, show it to others whose opinion you value. Read it to your kids or kids you know. Make changes if necessary. It must be thoroughly polished and error-free before it goes to print.

7. If you’re going the self-publishing route, you’ll need to find and pay for your own illustrator. (A traditional publisher would source one for you.) Contact the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators to find a good one – www.scbwi.za.org – or perhaps you could do the illustrations yourself to keep costs low. You might even know a friend or family member who would be willing to help you.

8. Download Kindle Kids’ Book Creator, which is free software, onto your computer. This will help you build your book for Amazon.

9. Next, you’ll need to register with Kindle Direct Publishing – www.kdp.com. Once you’ve done this, you can upload your book title onto Amazon.

10. You’ll need to be responsible for your own marketing, which means you’ll need to build up a social media presence – a Facebook author’s page, Twitter account, Goodreads author page, etc. Having an active blog helps to engage with your readers. Organising a blog tour will also lend more weight to promoting your book. I’m going on tour from 6 to 10 July with Pump Up Your Book – can’t wait!

Hats off to fathers

Dads are the best thing since sliced bread. Yes, I know, moms are usually the ones who get the most credit for doing a good job raising the kids, but this mother certainly wouldn’t cope without the help of her husband. For one thing, my husband plays rough, which I can’t do. He walks around on all fours while our two sons pounce on his back playing their Tarzan games. Dad is an expert Lego builder. In fact, so strong is this genetic trait that our eldest son has been following Lego instructions, despite not being able to read yet, since the age of three. He already outstrips me when it comes to Lego construction technique.

But what I love most of all about the father of my children is the support he gives us. When he’s away, I feel it. Doing the dishes after supper (my least favourite chore!) is when I miss him most. He often gets up during the night to guide a wandering boy back to bed. He is a dab hand in the kitchen, preparing the most delicious meals (his tomato and herb chicken is my favourite). He does not roll up his eyes when I ask him to hang up the washing if I’m rushing off somewhere. His willingness to lend a hand around the house makes the world of difference to me – especially when I’m fatigued and want to rest or need to get out the house to gain some perspective again. (Six hours straight of looking after kids can do that to you.)

But what my husband does cuts deeper than feeding the boys breakfast or dressing them for school. It’s really about being there for them and defining their identity. Boys need fathers (girls do too, for that matter). They speak words of encouragement into their souls, saying: “I believe in you. You’re really good at doing this or that. I’m proud of you. God has great plans for your life.”

I was speaking to someone a few weeks ago and she was sharing her heart. She said she was struck by how few people in South Africa really know their fathers. She spoke about a fatherless generation. And sadly she’s right. It’s not just among the disadvantaged communities – many affluent families also suffer from absent fathers. How tragic not to know the love of a father and the security that he brings. Fathers have such a pivotal role to play in shaping their children’s lives, for good or bad.

My own father taught me to love play. He was always goofing around and making us laugh. When he read stories, he would put on funny voices for different characters (much to my older sister’s annoyance). He tickled us and we rode horses on his knee. He let us sing songs on his work dictaphone and then played them back to us. He taught us to ride our bikes and loved explaining how things worked. When we asked him what a word meant, he would say, “Look it up in the dictionary.” He was always encouraging us to pursue knowledge and to grow our understanding of the world around us. We still have long philosophical conversations and when I’m rooting around for more information on a topic, I often ask for his advice. His tongue-in-cheek response is often: “Do you want the long answer or the short answer?”

Of course, my father hardly helped at all with the housework. Neither did my father-in-law. In fact, he once shared the secret of how he got out of changing his children’s nappies. “You just stab them once with the safety pin,” he whispered conspiratorially, “and then you’ll never have to do it again.” My own father did something similar, although not on purpose. He spilled hot milk all over me as a baby in the middle of the night (the idea was for him to do the feed so that my mom got more shut-eye). Naturally, I bellowed and wailed. My poor mother had to bath me and clothe me in the wee hours and prepare the bottle again. Needless to say, Dad never got that job again.

But I am so lucky to have married a new-generation man who knows how to do practically everything that you need to run a house – from cooking and washing to paying the bills – plus he does it all with alarming speed. I take about an hour to tidy away and do the dishes after a meal. He takes half an hour, while checking his e-mails at the same time. He has a beautiful servant heart which is such a blessing to us. My family think I’ve married a saint. I think they’re right.

Gavin – hats off to you, my love. Thank you for being the leader in our home, for your humility and quiet fortitude. Thank you for taking the time to discipline our children with love. Thank you for speaking words of life and hope into their hearts. We all so grateful for all that you do for us.

Here’s a message from our youngest: “I love Daddy because he fixes some of our toys. And he puts together just right how they are supposed to be first. Hapy Father’s Day!” This time it’s your turn to have breakfast in bed.

Taking responsibility and the tidy-up fairy

www.funtoread.com.hk

It’s funny how you can have a little “aha!” moment while reading a children’s book. It happened to me the other day. I picked up a picture book at my mother’s house that I hadn’t seen before. It was titled The Tidy Fairy by Sally Hewitt. He’s a quick plot summary: The children always leave the house in a mess when they go to school, but the tidy-up fairy appears magically every day and makes sure the house is neat when they get back home in the afternoon.

Then one day Mom has to go and help Granny who is sick and the children’s aunt stays with them. And guess what? No more tidy-up fairy. The children realise if their room is left messy in the morning, it will still be messy when they get home in the afternoon. They learn the hard lesson of consequences – you reap what you sow, as the Bible puts it. So unless they want their room to always be messy, they need to learn to pack away and keep it tidy.

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It’s a well-told tale and worth reading to your children. What it made me realise is that learning to tidy up is not something that comes naturally to kids – it’s something that needs to be taught. And you as the parent need to take the time out of your day to enforce it. Yes, I know they will complain. I know it can be unpleasant. But “no discipline seems pleasant at the time but rather painful. Later on, however, it yields a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11). What you’re doing by saying, “Hang on, kids – we’re not going to the park until you’ve packed away your Lego,” is highlighting the fact that tidying up is part of their daily routine. It’s their responsibility.

When I was younger, we called them chores (not a very nice word, I know, but there it is). Chores were what you were expected to do as members of a family. Chores were non-negotiable. My chores were to lay the table for dinner (which I quite enjoyed), drying up the dishes after supper (okay), feeding the dog (not fabulous), taking out the rubbish (fairly gross) and watering the garden (fine – I just ended up day-dreaming anyway). We got pocket money every week – not a lot, but enough to make us feel like our labours were worthwhile – and that was the package.

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I think parents do their children a disservice by not allowing them to take on more responsibility. Children are not yet able to shoulder the weight of their own lives, but they can gradually start to learn how responsibility works. At my youngest son’s pre-school, for instance, the teachers encourage parents to let their children carry their own backpacks and unpack their snack and juice bottle. I am trying to reinforce the idea that my boys need to carry their own shoes, hats and backpacks out of the car when we get home. (Of course, getting them to put their shoes in their cupboards is another battle!) We’re not there yet, not by a long shot, but we are slowly moving in the right direction.

The other night the boys were squabbling before suppertime while Mom and Dad scrambled to get the food dished up. Suddenly I hit on an idea. “Why don’t you two lay the table?” I said. Before you knew it, the tablecloth was pulled out the drawer, the placemats laid out, the cutlery carefully selected. It was amazing to see how the scene changed when the boys had something constructive to do, something that was helping the family. That’s when I realised that far from being a burden, responsibility is actually good for children – in the right dose, of course.

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And – joy of joys – Little Master M has decided to start wiping his own bum now. Yes, I know it’s not something you are meant to discuss in polite company, but I am thrilled that after six long years of wiping two little people’s bottoms (often simultaneously!), that task has finally fallen away from me. “You don’t have to wipe my bum any more,” Master M proudly proclaimed this week and my heart leaped and did the happy dance.

What about the tidy-up fairy? Is she still making sure that everything is spick and span in your home? Does she fuss around the house tidying up after everybody? I hope not. Take the time to instill good habits in your children so that the burden of looking after a household doesn’t fall squarely onto you. You’ll be so glad you did.