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Are You Open to New Things?
My humble rock sculptures. My son’s are in the background.
There’s nothing like kids to humble you. I thought marriage was the ultimate character tester. But no, it turns out kids are. They are wonderful at pushing your buttons and revealing the inner gremlins that you thought you’d dealt with years ago. Like anger management. Or control issues. Or just the plaguing question, Am I a good mother? Or am I scarring my children psychologically for life? Are they actually being naughty or am I just not giving them whatever it is that they need?
My friend Judy put it well when she said, “Your kids are growing up and getting used to you as a mother. And you’re on a journey too, getting used to them and being a mother. So you’re both learning and growing together.” That’s true. There’s not much training for motherhood – you’re learning on the job. And you have to learn quickly because getting it wrong isn’t much fun.
How many nights after the kids go to bed do you sit and think about the day that’s been? You wonder if you’d done that, then perhaps that wouldn’t have happened. Maybe he wouldn’t have reacted that way if you’d managed to stay calm. And why did you need to blow up over that incident that afterwards seemed so trivial? Many times I’ve ruminated over my mistakes and misgivings, finally surrendering them to God and asking for forgiveness and grace for new beginnings for the next day.
I love the Scripture that says, “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3: 21–23). God gives us fresh grace every morning. And so we begin anew on a fresh slate. I’m thankful that compared to adults, children are so ready to forgive. The times I’ve apologised to my kids for something I’ve done, they’ve always said, “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it, Mom.”
New beginnings… This year a dear friend came to visit from Zimbabwe. Vicki is like a mini-whirlwind: she blows fresh life into your rather boring, staid world. We went for a walk with her three kids and mine plus husbands in Tokai. Afterwards, she showed me how to write on my phone by joining the letters together rather than typing, kind of like cursive for phones. It looked tricky and I secretly thought it wasn’t for me, but then I saw the message Vicki was busy writing: “Katherine will try new things.”
That hit me between the eyes. I will try new things. It was more than a promise, it was a declaration. Not long after that I accepted some freelance work writing scripts for hotel training videos. It was hard, I’m not sure I aced it completely, but at least I tried. I was now writing messages by joining the letters together, much to my kids’ amazement. Sometimes weird words came up, but I was trying new things.
Here’s some other new things I’ve been open to this year: I’ve written celebrity articles. (Yes, me, the one who has to google famous people to find out who they are.) I’ve written some health and baby articles, which I haven’t done in ages. I’ve done a few web articles, too.
The Cape Town TV interview in June 2018 with Sade Phetha, me and Susan Keegan of The Vine School
And the list goes on: I did my first TV interview (where I was answering questions, rather than asking them). I shot a gun (just an air rifle, mind!) for the first time in my life. I’ve volunteered to help out at my sons’ Cubs group. I’ve started lifting weights at gym and now have muscles in my arms. (Well, they’ve probably been there all the time, but now you can actually see them.)
Children are great teachers. They are learning new things all the time. If you let them, they’ll take you on their journeys of discovery. My second-born son has recently taken to building rock sculptures in the river at our local park. He got the idea from our neighbour John and now he spends many happy moments balancing rocks on top of one another, which is much harder than simply building Lego.
Last week he invited me to join him wading in the river and I admit I hesitated. I didn’t want to get my feet dirty. But in the end I joined him, sporting mud marks between my toes afterwards. Walking barefoot along the rough surface of a river bed is a sensory-overload experience. Your body is absorbing so much information – cool, liquid river, the languid movement of the current, slimy weeds caressing your ankles and hard wire gabion and rocks poking into your soles. And then the process of selecting and stacking the rocks and getting them to balance was challenging. I realised my son is much better than I am and more creative. (He readily acknowledges this, saying I’m still on the basic level, while he has attained level three of rock-sculpture building.)
I pointed out to him that at least I’m trying. He conceded I am. Vicki was right: “Katherine is trying new things” and she’s enjoying it. Even if she’s not very good. The main thing is to be open to it.
Grace Under Fire
Sue Pietersen, Teresa Lourenco, Plax Makura, Sarah Gardner © Foschini ClubCard magazine
‘Thank you, cancer, for transforming my life’
Sarah Gardner, 41, photographer
In July 2017, I was in the kitchen making supper. I heard this insistent voice in my head, ‘Sarah, check your breasts.’ Later I lay on my bed and felt my left breast was lumpier than my right one.
The doctor said my breasts were typical for post-lactation. She did a needle biopsy and phoned me with the results. ‘Everything’s fine,’ she said. But somehow I knew she’d missed it.
I went back and saw a different doctor. Her reaction was much more dramatic. She wanted me to go for an ultrasound, a mammogram and a core biopsy. The biopsy showed that I had Stage 0 cancer, which the doctor said was very good news, but I was shocked.
When I saw the surgeon, he suggested I have a double mastectomy. ‘Why have one 16-year-old boob and one 40-year-old one?’ he said. I was sad at the thought of losing my breasts, but I felt they’d done their duty and it was time to let them go.
When they analysed the tissue after the op, they found two small tumours in my left breast and two lymph nodes that were cancerous. They now realised I was not pre-cancerous at all; I was in Stage 2 cancer. I needed the full treatment: five months of chemo, five weeks of radiation and 10 years of hormone therapy.
This is when the fear really hit me. I had a four-year-old son and a 18-month-old baby. I thought, I’m going to die and my boys are going to lose their mom. Everyone was bombarding me with advice and saying, Do this, do that. But I realised I just had to take one step at a time and trust the doctors.
Chemo was harsh. I lost my hair. I dropped to 44kg. I was stripped of my womanhood and my external beauty. I wore scarves, earrings and dresses to feel more feminine.
I asked myself, What has caused this cancer? I analysed my diet and cut out sugar, dairy and preservatives from my diet. It was a complete detox. I also switched to natural, organic cleaning and beauty products.
On an emotional level, I realised there was a lot of unresolved fear and guilt in my life. There was also stress about money. All these negative emotions were now manifesting in my body. I needed deep emotional healing and forgiveness to be free of them.
Cancer made me realise I needed to transform my life. It gave me a big kick in the butt. I realised I needed to love myself more. The disease has transformed me because before, it was all about my children. But now I know you need to be strong and love yourself as much as you love others.
‘It’s not a death sentence’
Plaxedes Makura, 36, attorney
In June, I noticed a lump above my left breast. My gynae sent me to have a mammogram and ultrasound, both of which were clear. The radiologist suggested I have a biopsy too. I was unsure, but my friend said just do it anyway. Five days later I was told there were micro-cancerous cells in the lump. I had Stage 1 breast cancer. It was scary.
There were a lot of tears initially. I was angry with life and with God. It felt as if I’d lost control. My surgeon gave me a book, Be a Survivor: Your Guide to Breast Cancer Treatment by Vladimir Lange, MD. It left me feeling very positive. I thought, I have two options: I can throw a pity party or I can remind myself that life must continue. I chose the latter.
We scheduled surgery straight away and the lump was removed. I had a three-week break and then started six sessions of treatment. My last treatment is on 18 October. After that, I’ll do radiation for four weeks until the end of November. I feel very lucky that we caught it so early.
In the beginning, it felt like a dirty little secret. I told my core friends and family. Then I decided to be more open about it. Everyone knows now that the lump was removed and treatment has begun. People don’t need to tiptoe around me or feel uncomfortable when I mention cancer.
My motto is, ‘While I breathe, I hope.’ Cancer’s not a death sentence. Being a Christian, hope and faith are big aspects of this journey.
My employer is very supportive. I still go to gym. I don’t wait for side-effects to hit me. I live my life as normal. I’ve booked a holiday in Mozambique when my treatment is over and I might even lose a bit of weight, so I will definitely be bikini-ready!
‘Understand things from a medical perspective’
Sue Pietersen, 41, sales consultant
It all happened so quickly. On Saturday my husband picked up the lump, on Monday I had the mammogram, on Tuesday I had the fine-needle biopsy and on Friday I had surgery to remove the lump. Because the cancer was a little bit aggressive, the doctor decided to go ahead with chemo after the op.
That was my intro to breast cancer. Thankfully they caught it early at Stage 1B. I found the website breastcancer.org very helpful because it helps you to know what your options are and what the side-effects are likely to be.
For six months, I had chemo, which included the red devil and Herceptin, and then for six weeks, I had radiation. I was meant to have five years of hormone therapy to stop the cancer coming back, but it got cut short to two years because I wanted to fall pregnant.
The chemo was intravenous. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Once they burnt a vein giving it to me. My immune system felt compromised. Having a baby at the same time was tough. My mother-in-law came to stay with us during the week. We didn’t have to worry about meals. Our friends did that for us. I honestly couldn’t have done it without the support of my friends and family. I knew I had to get through it for my daughter Quill.
I’m happy to say I’m now cancer-free. Once you’re clear, you need to go for annual checkups with the oncologist, which includes mammograms.
The most important thing is to have a fighting spirit. Surround yourself with friends and family who love you. Let them know that you need time and space to process the diagnosis, but also lean into them for support. Understand things from a medical perspective and don’t read horror stories.
‘Don’t wait to be told you’re dying to start living’
Teresa Lourenco, 51, marketing manager
Two years ago, I felt a discomfort at night in my chest. I went to the gynae and she recommended going for a mammogram. The tumour was hidden behind my sternum. The doctor said it had probably been there for nine years, around the time my son was born.
I was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. It was metastatic, meaning it had already spread to the bone. They removed the primary tumour and my left breast. But there were cancerous lesions in my ribs, spine, hips and neck.
The treatment will continue for the rest of my life. I will never be able to say I’m cancer-free. Some areas of my body are reacting well to the treatment; others aren’t. Every four to five months, the doctors need to change the treatment as my body becomes immune to the drugs.
I was four months into my second marriage when I was diagnosed. My husband left me a week before my mastectomy. Maybe the chemo made me grumpy, but he said it wasn’t what he signed up for. I felt let down that he couldn’t support me when I needed him most. Whatever happened to ‘in sickness and in health’?
As my family lives in Portugal, it was my friends who brought me meals. I never asked, ‘Why me?’ I thought, Why not? I believe I can use my influence to help others.
I’m asked to do motivational talks and I often tell the audience, ‘Don’t wait to be told you’re dying to start living.’ My motto is to carry on living my life. I’m not going to wait till I retire any more to go travelling. My faith as a Christian keeps me going.
My goal now is to raise awareness of the disease. In January 2019, I am hoping to swim from Robben Island to Big Bay to raise money for Pink Drive, who are sponsoring the boat which will accompany me. Most days I get into the pool or the sea to train.
The basic message of Pink Drive is, ‘Early detection saves lives.’ I was always afraid of having a mammogram because I’d heard horror stories of how painful they were. If I’d only gone for one when I was in my early 40s, I would have been able to detect the cancer at a much earlier stage.
This article first appeared in the October 2018 issue of the Foschini ClubCard magazine.
September 20, 2018
When the Going gets Tough
My husband and I, both self-employed, started this year knowing that we needed a miracle. He had lost one of his biggest clients at the end of 2017 and it was uncertain how he was going to make up the shortfall in income.
January came and we wondered how we would survive. February, March, April. Still there was not enough to replace the gaping hole left by the lost client. Sitting down to prepare our monthly budget became an exercise I dreaded. Where was the money going to come from? When you’ve got kids, a mortgage and grocery bill that keeps expanding (either because of rising food prices or having to buy more things, I’m not sure which), it’s difficult to trim your budget. We analysed our spending to see if there was anything we could eliminate and where we could cut back, we did.
We also looked at ways to boost our income. Were there new projects we could do to bring in more bacon? We started applying for jobs, while my husband tendered for more work. My boys developed an interest in how much things cost and I wondered how our situation was affecting them. I was grateful that whenever we went shopping, they didn’t push to get something they wanted. They simply accepted it when I said no.
It was unfortunate that the timing of our financial trial coincided with the arrival of Hope, our foster daughter. She came to us at the end of February and we are so enjoying the unique quality she adds to our family. There have been times, though, where I’ve lost it when she’s thrown food on the floor (because how can she think of wasting chicken when it’s cost us so much to give it to her?) But thankfully, we now have a foster-care grant for Hope (a small miracle) and I’ve reminded myself that all babies will at some stage throw their food on the floor – they’re not being ungrateful. It’s perfectly normal, age-appropriate behaviour.
And I’m mindful of the fact that there has been light along the way. Family members have been supportive and kind to us, friends have blessed us with money for dates and spoils. A friend helped me start a creative writing group for homeschooled children, which I am loving. It has been one of the highlights of my year so far. She thought she’d get her kids and their friends interested in creative writing (and I’m hoping it has), but what it’s done for me is to get me planning a series of middle-grade fiction books that combine sci-fi and fantasy. Plus I have an ideal focus group to test my ideas out on. They know kids’ literature far better than I do and are full of great suggestions and insights. I’ve already told them I might steal one or two of their ideas!
The other comfort is that my husband and I still love each other; we’re still working through this trial together. We’re still trusting God for breakthrough. I was encouraged chatting to someone at a baby shower recently who told me that just as the rains suddenly arrived in Cape Town and Day Zero was averted, our “suddenly” would come too. I’m still looking forward to that day.
But as I wait, I’m learning to be thankful. I’ve realised there are so many people around us who are going through trials of their own. Someone in church who’s lost his wife of 30 years. Someone whose husband was hurt in a freak accident. Someone who has just been diagnosed with cancer. These are all severe trials, much greater than my own. Perhaps the humility that I’m learning in this valley is making more sensitive to the needs of others and less likely to judge them in the future. And that’s something to be thankful for, too.
