Michael Lee Stallard's Blog, page 11

Creating Connection Cultures in Police Forces

Podcast Appearance on Badge Cast 1

Recently I had the opportunity to speak with Lt. Brian Ellis, host of the Badge Cast 1 podcast. Badge Cast 1 is a production of the National Command and Staff College, an organization dedicated to providing leadership training to public safety professionals.

In this conversation, we talked about why connection matters in today’s public safety organizations and shared practical, science-backed advice for today’s public safety leaders. In high-stress fields like policing, connection is critical to managing stress in healthy ways, which leads to better decisions and performance.

If you or someone you know serves in a public safety organization, listen to the podcast and consider how to put these principles into practice.

Photo by Fred Moon on Unsplash.

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Connection at Home During Covid-19

Are you home and feeling alone? Are you home and wishing you could be alone for even a few minutes? The Covid-19 virus has caused many organizations to move large numbers of employees from working together at the office to working remotely at home. For other organizations, it has meant temporarily shutting its doors and having to furlough workers or let employees go. Unless you are an “essential worker,” gone is the time you spent interacting with strangers, colleagues and friends as you commuted to work, ducked out to grab a meal or run an errand, and did your job. Gone is the time you spent socializing with friends at a sporting event or volunteering alongside others in the community.

If you live alone, this abrupt change can raise the risk of experiencing the negative effects of social isolation. If you live with others, perhaps maintaining positive relationships at home has become more challenging and even more important, especially if you live in close quarters and additional stressors have been added into the mix, such as a drop in income, overseeing the education of children or caring for aging parents who live with you.

What Do You Do With Your Stress?

Research conducted by the Gallup Organization in March and April of 2020 found that 60% of Americans reported they were experiencing stress “a lot of the day,” up from 46% reporting significant stress in July-August 2019. No doubt the Covid-19 pandemic is raising stress levels due to a number of factors, including fear of contracting the virus personally, fear of a loved one contracting the virus, fear of losing one’s job and fear of not being able to meet financial obligations.

There’s another stressor people may not be consciously thinking about. Beginning in 1989, American sense of self-identity shifted to be primarily associated with a person’s employer and job status. This historic shift makes it more likely that people maintain unhealthy priorities as they strive to meet goals they feel would impress others (and themselves) such as getting the next promotion, making a certain income, driving a nice car, vacationing in an exotic location, or buying their child the latest must-have item to fit in with his or her peers. If your job and your self-identity become intertwined, the job is not just about what it allows you to afford, it is also about your own self-worth and who you perceive you are in the eyes of others.

One of our colleagues, Jason Pankau, once told Mike that this shift concerned him because “when you are what you do, when you don’t, you aren’t.” Jason made a profound observation that when self-identity is so wrapped up in work at the expense of healthy relationships with family and friends, losing that job is devastating to one’s identity and sense of personal worth. Now, with the widespread job loss from Covid-19’s impact on the economy, many people may be struggling with this and we should all be on the lookout for those we can reach out to who are experiencing an identity crisis.

As stress rises and loneliness and social isolation increase, so does the likelihood that individuals may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as addictions to food, alcohol or drugs. There is also a greater risk of violence referred to as “displacement aggression.” In such cases, the perpetrator can’t act out against the person or thing that has stirred him up and instead takes it out on an innocent target. You’ve probably seen someone overreact to a situation and figured there was something else going on. Road rage can be an example of this. Perpetrators of verbal, physical or sexual aggression typically experience a release, a decline in their stress level, when they “blow off steam” and take out their own frustration on someone else. It does not excuse the behavior, but understanding displacement aggression helps explain why domestic violence rises in times of social isolation.

In his daily briefing on May 1, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo reported that domestic violence reports in the state were up 15% in March and 30% in April. “That is a frightening rate and level of increase. … This is a national epidemic. It’s a statewide epidemic.” He then spoke of measures the state had put in place to support people who are facing domestic violence or experiencing mental health issues (anxiety, depression, insomnia, loneliness, isolation, alcohol/drug consumption), assuring listeners that if they are experiencing these things,“you are not alone.”

What do you do with your stress and fear? Are you apt to turn inward and into a downward spiral, emotionally and physically? Are you tempted to turn outward toward other people in a way that is harmful to them, and possibly to you, and causes further separation? The better choice—one that will diminish the stress and fear that you feel—is to intentionally reach out and pursue meaningful connection with others.

Brené Brown, best-selling author, speaker and researcher on shame and vulnerability, recently had this to say, in the context of the pandemic: “We can be our worst selves when we’re afraid, or our very best, bravest selves. In the context of fear and vulnerability, there is often very little in between because when we are uncertain and afraid our default is self-protection. We don’t have to be scary when we’re scared. Let’s choose awkward, brave and kind. And let’s choose each other.”

To cope with changes brought about by Covid-19, people need connection now more than ever. Connection calms our nerves. When we connect with others in conversation it engages the prefrontal cortex of the brain where we make rational decisions and disengages the amygdala where the brain processes threats. We should never worry alone but rather seek the advice of others whom we trust, sharing our concerns with them, asking them for perspective then listening to and considering their ideas and opinions before making decisions or taking action. Connection may also improve your cardiovascular, endocrine and immune systems’ performance, all of which could help reduce your risk of contracting Covid-19 and, if you contract it, provide physical and emotional resources to help you fight the virus.

Three Types of Relational Cultures

In our work with organizations, we have found that there are primarily three types of relational cultures: cultures of control, cultures of indifference and connection cultures. In cultures of control, those who have power or authority rule over the rest. In cultures of indifference, they are too busy with tasks and devalue spending time on relationships. People working in these kinds of environments may feel micromanaged, unappreciated, or undervalued and they are not going to give their best efforts. Cultures of control and indifference are disconnecting and lead to disengagement.

In connection cultures, those individuals with power or authority care about others and invest time to connect with them. They foster an environment in which people feel connected to one another and to the work they are doing. In a group that has a high degree of connection, you’ll find a cognitive advantage that makes people smarter and more creative, higher employee engagement,tighter strategic alignment, better decisions, a higher rate of innovation, and greater agility and adaptability to cope with faster changes taking place today. These benefits combine to provide a significant performance and competitive advantage. Connection is cultivated when leaders communicate an inspiring vision, value people and give them a voice.

Connection at Home

The power of connection and the principles of a connection culture are not only relevant in the work setting. We’re convinced that the connection our family has cultivated in our home helped us get Katie through three cancers, and helped Mike start and sustain a new business.

Our family vision has been that we care about people. This really resonated with our two daughters, both of whom have reached out to help friends as well as people in our community when those individuals were facing a hardship or crisis. Two incidents especially come to mind when they were in high school. One daughter was driving home on a Saturday night, watching the clock to be back by her curfew, when she spotted something unusual on a dark street she was passing. Despite the late hour, she and her friends carefully approached and discovered an older woman lying on the ground, a retired school teacher who had fallen and broken her hip while walking her dog. She stayed with her while the others went to the woman’s home to get help. Our other daughter stopped to help a woman sitting on the side of the road who had her hands covering her face. It turned out the woman was the victim of domestic violence. Our daughter called a friend of hers who is a policeman and he sent a squad car. We are so proud of our daughters who’ve both become caring, competent and confident young women.

The following questions might stir your thinking as you consider what your family vision might be: What are the core values that define who we are and point to what is important to us? What activities energize us? In articles, books, or movies that we have found to be really thought provoking, is there a common theme? If we knew that we only had nine months to live and we had unlimited resources, what would we want to do?

The second element of a connection culture is Value and the heart of this is valuing people as unique human beings and not treating them as means to an end. In a multi-person setting, this is about being kind and considerate, and looking for ways to serve others. Especially during this time of “stay home, stay healthy,” this might be volunteering to help with meal preparation or taking care of the dishes afterward, doing some house cleaning, or taking a turn at being the parent who assists the kids with managing their online schoolwork.

The third element of a connection culture is Voice. This element is generally about seeking the opinions and ideas of others, and considering that input before making decisions. Having a voice goes a long way in feeling connected. At home, make time to ask people how they are feeling and what they are doing throughout their day so you give them a chance to talk. Make these one-on-one conversations, if you can, so you can give your full attention to the person. Actively listen. Resist the urge to jump right in with a solution. Mealtimes or while out for a walk present perfect opportunities to toss out an open-ended question that sparks conversation. Be sure to encourage each person to contribute.

As a nation, we are in uncharted territory. Much has changed and many have suffered. Still, there are reasons to be optimistic for the future. In time, medications will be developed that will reduce the threat from Covid-19 and allow us to be together again. If the Covid-19 pandemic and consequences trigger a great reset of self-identity and valuing relationships with family, friends and colleagues at work, we will truly be stronger. There is an opportunity that what we carry forward from our collective experience of the pandemic will usher in a new anthropomorphic age of higher levels of wellness and wellbeing, and increased organizational productivity and innovation, all stemming from embracing greater human connection.

Katharine P. Stallard is a co-author of this article. She is a partner of Connection Culture Group and a contributing author to “Connection Culture.”

Photo by Alexander Dummer on Unsplash.

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Appearance on SHRM’s “All Things Work” Podcast

In this recent episode of SHRM’s “All Things Work” podcast, Katie Stallard and I spoke with host Tony Lee about the isolating nature of remote work and solutions employees can take to stay well during this time of social distancing.

I hope you’ll listen and share the podcast with a friend or colleague as we all work together to stay connected. Click here to listen to the podcast episode.

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Why Relational Connection Is So Important During the Coronavirus Pandemic

The novel coronavirus COVID-19 pandemic has resulted in the need for social distancing, quarantine and isolation so that vulnerable individuals are not exposed to the virus and healthcare systems are not overwhelmed.

Collectively, we understand the goodness of “flattening the curve” by each of us doing our part to slow the spread of the virus. COVID-19 is not the only epidemic we are facing. Separating ourselves because of COVID-19 comes at a time when America and many other nations are in the midst of an epidemic of loneliness whose antidote is greater positive social connection.

Our current situation—the simultaneous need to reduce physical distance and to increase social, or relational, connection and not see a further rise in loneliness—presents a challenge for us all. Ignoring the need for connection at this time is not an option.

Research suggests that the majority of individuals today lack sufficient social connection. This connection deficit may exacerbate the negative effects of stress and diminish physical and emotional resilience that people will need to fight the COVID-19 virus.

This article looks at why relational connection is especially important during the COVID-19 pandemic. In addition, we present practical tips to boost social connection, while maintaining physical distance, so that individuals experience the physical and emotional health benefits that arise from sufficient meaningful connection.

All of this will help people fare better through this difficult season.

Loneliness May Exacerbate the Negative Effects of the COVID-19 Pandemic

Over recent weeks many nations have advocated or mandated measures to increase the physical distance between individuals, deemed necessary so that those who are vulnerable are not exposed to the COVID-19 virus. Physical separation is also desirable to “flatten the curve” of exposures so that healthcare systems have the necessary available capacity to treat infected individuals and minimize the loss of life.

Social distancing, quarantine and isolation have the shared effect of reducing the in-person contact people have with others.

“Social distancing” is a public health practice that increases the physical distance between individuals in order to reduce the risk that sick people infect healthy people through disease transmission. It includes large-scale measures such as canceling group events and closing public spaces, and individual practices such as maintaining a six-foot distance from other individuals.
“Quarantine” is separating and restricting the movement of people who have been potentially or actually exposed to a contagious disease for a period of time and watching to see if they become sick.
“Isolation”is separating sick people who have a contagious disease from people who are not sick.

From a physical health standpoint, these are important public health measures. From an emotional health standpoint, this separation runs the risk of increasing the negative feelings and resulting negative health outcomes associated with social isolation (being alone) and loneliness (feeling alone, even when surrounded by others).

This call to be apart from others is occurring when many in America and other nations were already experiencing firsthand the effects of our growing epidemic of loneliness. Consistent with earlier research, Cigna, the insurance company, reported 2019 survey results that found two-thirds (61%) of Americans over the age of 18 are lonely and that loneliness continued to rise from its earlier study in 2018.

Loneliness is problematic because it is associated with a host of negative outcomes including:

poorer cognitive performance
impaired executive control and self-regulation
lower levels of self-rated physical health
substance abuse
depressive symptoms
suicidal ideation

According to research summarized in Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, there is empirical evidence that loneliness may:

increase vulnerability to other stressors
cause a more intense reaction to negatives
reduce the emotional boost of positives
contribute to greater feelings of helplessness and threat
decrease sleep quality
diminish willpower to exercise and eat healthy

Loneliness affects our lifespan. Meta-analysis research has found that feeling lonely, being physically isolated or living alone were each associated with a risk of early death that was equal to or greater than the risk of early death from widely known risk factors including obesity and smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.

Given the negative outcomes associated with social isolation and loneliness, it is not surprising that a recent review of studies on the psychological impact of quarantine reported negative outcomes including post-traumatic stress symptoms, confusion and anger. The review noted that some researchers suggested the negative effects from quarantine could be long-lasting.

A lack of sufficient connection is dangerous because social connection is a primal human need. Connection is also a “superpower” that, as the neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman says, makes human beings smarter, happier and more productive. Meta-analysis research found a 50% greater likelihood of survival for the participants of studies who had stronger social relationships.

Most important at this present time, social connection appears to improve the cardiovascular, endocrine and immune systems’ performance, all of which could help people reduce the risk of contracting COVID-19 and, if they contract it, provide them physical and emotional resources to fight the virus.

Connecting While Maintaining Physical Isolation

We have been studying connection since 2002 and we’ve published two books about it, Fired Up or Burned Out and Connection Culture. Over the years we’ve learned that relational cultures tend to fall into three categories: cultures of control, cultures of indifference and cultures of connection.

In cultures of control, the people with power, influence and status rule over others. Cultures of indifference are predominant today. In this type of culture, people are so busy with tasks that they fail to invest the time necessary to develop healthy, supportive relationships.

In a connection culture, however, people care about others and invest the time to develop healthy relationships, reaching out to help others in need rather than being indifferent to them. In a connection culture, people are more likely to communicate, collaborate, cooperate and work together toward a common goal. And while our work has been focused on addressing and improving workplace cultures, the principles and frameworks are applicable to any group, be it a family, a committee for a civic group, a sports team, a governing body, even a nation.

To get through the COVID-19 pandemic, we need a connection culture that is rich in relational connection while maintaining physical distance between individuals when there is a risk of transmission. It’s important to understand that connection is essential because, as we noted earlier, the lack of sufficient connection has a wide-ranging impact on our bodies, including increasing the negative effects of stress and diminishing resilience.

Here are practical actions you can take:

1. Cultivate a connection mindset. 

Boosting connection begins with adopting a mindset that connection is desirable and necessary. To help cultivate this mindset among the people you interact with, share this article with individuals in your social networks.

2. Maintain an optimistic mindset. 

There is reason to be optimistic. China and South Korea seem to be past the worst of the COVID-19 outbreak in their respective countries. The U.S. and many other nations will get there too, and, in time, scientists will develop a vaccine. It’s extraordinary what people can accomplish when they pull together to serve a cause greater than themselves. For an example, watch Larry Brilliant’s inspiring TED Talk on the case for optimism in which he describes his experience as part of the multinational effort that eradicated smallpox.

3. Take care of yourself. 

‍You can’t give what you don’t have. To be a good connector with others, we need to make sure we are physically and emotionally strong and steady.

We do this by making sure we are connecting with people who energize us. Each day, schedule phone calls or video calls online with people you enjoy. Take virtual coffee breaks in the morning and afternoon while connecting on a video call. Schedule a call each evening with relatives and friends who may need connection. This is a good time to take the initiative and reconnect with friends from your childhood or college days who you may have lost touch with over the years.
Also, be sure to get adequate sleep, exercise (check out exercise videos on YouTube) and eat healthy. When we are stressed or lonely, these practices often get pushed aside. (Why make a salad when the potato chips are so handy?)

4. Cultivate practices that product contentment and avoid excitatory practices. 

‍Constantly checking your smartphone, email or social media stimulates the production of dopamine, an excitatory neurotransmitter that in excessive amounts makes us anxious. (We want to stay current with the evolving situation but slowing the pace a bit would be better for our nerves.) Do one task at a time rather than multitasking. To learn more, read “Addicted to Your Smartphone, To-do List or Busyness?”

It’s preferable to focus on practices that produce the positive emotion of contentment because they stimulate the production of neurotransmitters including serotonin—things like engaging in conversation, painting or coloring, reading, assembling puzzles and playing games.

5. Get creative on how you might engage in activities with others. 

Have you seen the videos of spontaneous outdoor concerts as Italian neighbors stand on their city balconies and sing? We saw one video of a man in a public square leading exercises and people in a row of apartments joining him in doing jumping jacks. Our youngest daughter, a graduate student currently on lockdown in Madrid, and a few of the neighbors on her block have organized together-but-separate BINGO games to pass the time while travel is restricted.

6. Pause to be grateful. 

Every day, take a few minutes to write down at least three things you are grateful for. Gratitude helps keep you emotionally strong and will help you connect better with others.

7. Go for walks. 

‍If local authorities allow it, go for a walk each day to get fresh air and sunlight. Remember to maintain a six-foot separation from others. If possible, walk amongst nature. Even being in your own yard or walking your city block will help.

8. Play music. 

Throughout the day, play music you enjoy. Music has been found to calm anxiety. Have your own dance party (why not?).

9. Learn something new. 

‍Boredom is one risk of being physically isolated. Check out cultural institutions such as The Metropolitan Opera in New York City and museums (and even zoos) that are thinking outside of the box about how to virtually share their treasures with you within your home. Learn more here.

10. Set aside time each day for a quiet period. 

This may include contemplation, meditation, prayer and/or journaling.

11. Never worry alone! 

‍Whenever you feel anxious or stressed, call up a friend and talk it through. Doing this will move your brain activity from the amygdala where threats are processed to the cortex where we make rational decisions.

12. Serve others. 

Reaching out to help others in need boosts neurochemicals that produce positive emotions. In the current climate of encouraging physical separation, this may include writing a card or letter to an isolated elderly parent, relative or friend, or calling to find out how he or she is doing. Check out local or national non-profit organizations that serve populations in need and see how you can help safely.

Anything you can do to help others meet their need for connection also helps you. There is satisfaction, even joy, to be found in serving a cause greater than self.

This unusual season we are in is temporary. Still, it will be difficult and last longer than we’d like it to. We will face individual and societal challenges that we have not faced before. It’s important that you recognize that disconnection is a super-stressor; it makes other stressors feel even heavier and it weakens the effectiveness of any resiliency practices you may be using.

As humans, we are hardwired to connect; we are drawn to “doing life together”—talking through our issues; learning from each other; being encouraged, corrected and motivated by those around us. Now is not the time to have little or no meaningful connection in your life.

By intentionally boosting our “superpower” of connection, while still maintaining physical separation, we will make a meaningful difference in the lives of others; lift our own spirits as we lift the spirits of our family members, friends and community; and bring out “the better angels of our nature.” In harnessing the power of connection as we combat COVID-19, we will be combating the epidemic of loneliness as well.

By taking on this challenge together, we will walk through this season to a brighter future.

Katharine P. Stallard is a co-author of this article. She is a partner of Connection Culture Group and a contributing author to “Connection Culture.”

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Boost Connectedness to Reverse Rise of Suicides in America

With the exception of America, suicide rates over recent decades have declined in most of the world. Suicides in the U.S. have risen more than 50% from 2005 to 2017 and now exceed deaths by motor vehicle incidents. In 2017, the most recent year data is available, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reported 10.6 million people seriously considered suicide, 1.4 million attempted suicide and 47,000 committed suicide.

We can look at those numbers dispassionately, understanding they represent individual lives, but not stopping long enough to let the reality sink in. So, here’s another way to put the number of deaths in perspective. We know the shock and sadness we would feel if we learned that an airplane went down and none of the 175 passengers survived. We would grieve for lives cut short and for the sudden loss experienced by those who knew the passengers—family members, friends, teammates, neighbors, co-workers. Now imagine that 270 planes went down in a year. That equates to more than 47,000 lives lost.

Suicide is a tragedy on many levels.

In response, the CDC has adopted “connectedness” as a strategic direction in its efforts to reduce the number of suicides in the U.S. The CDC defines connectedness as the degree to which individuals or groups are socially close, inter-related or share resources. When you look at the science, it makes sense why connectedness would be a focus.

We make the case in our book Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy and Understanding at Work that human beings are hard-wired for relational connection. When we lack connection, our bodies are more likely to move into an ongoing chronic state of stress response where blood, glucose and oxygen are over-allocated to “fight or flight” systems, including the heart, the lungs and the big muscles, and under-allocated elsewhere, including to the digestive system, the reproductive system and the immune system. Stuck in a state of stress response, we are more likely to feel unwell and to experience anxiety, numbness or depression. Other factors, including the effects of trauma that may reach as far back as childhood, and alcohol use, often contribute to the emotional tumult. In order to cope, we may turn to behaviors that become addictive (i.e. excessive consumption of substances including food, tobacco, alcohol, or drugs, or obsessive engagement in behaviors including internet/media, exercise, work, sex, or shopping). The downward spiral and persistent emotional upheaval can become a pathway to suicide ideation.

“Never worry alone!” is sage advice a friend once gave me. Positive relational connection helps us cope with stress. It quiets a part of the brain called the amygdala where fear and threat are processed. Connection calms our nervous system and helps move our bodies from stress response back to a state of homeostasis, or balance, where all of the bodily systems receive the blood, glucose and oxygen required to function in a healthy way. Emotionally, and physically, we feel much better when our bodies operate in an ongoing state of homeostasis.

This fight is personal

A friend of mine committed suicide last year. When I heard the news, I thought there had to have been a mistake. The last time I had seen him, he had smiled and waved at me from a distance. Although we had been out of touch in recent months, I thought he would have reached out to me if he was struggling. Had I missed something?

My friend’s suicide reminded me it’s difficult to know what’s going on inside another person’s mind. As adults we can be good at masking our emotional pain. We’re not always willing to be vulnerable about how we are feeling from an emotional health perspective. This experience has made me more intentional about reaching out with greater frequency to check on and connect with family and friends.

D. Theodore George, author of Untangling the Mind: Why We Behave the Way We Do, shared a few insights with me about the perspective of someone who may contemplate suicide. In addition to being a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at George Washington School of Medicine and Senior Clinical Investigator at The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, he is a neuroscientist and practicing psychiatrist. Dr. George has observed that in one way his suicidal patients looked similar to his patients who were diagnosed with medical illnesses such as cancer. Both tended to “feel overwhelmed with emotions… fearful, out of control and anxious about the future.” But in a significant way their paths diverged. The patients with medical illnesses reached out to family and friends who rushed to their side with emotional and practical support; depression made suicidal patients feel isolated, alone and hopeless and “they perceive that they are living in a room with no doors or windows.”

Dr. George pointed me to the book Choosing to Live: Stories of Those Who Stepped Away from Suicide by Cliff Williams which includes stories of individuals who’ve walked this path Dr.George described. He explained that “[many] tried to speak with someone about their emotional pain, but all too often felt like no one understood. … Worst of all, when things hit rock bottom, many expressed the feeling that no one seemed to care.” On the outside they looked like nothing was wrong so people around them may have been unaware of the emotional turmoil they were experiencing. According to Dr. George, suicidal patients who managed to find a way to dig their way out of despair initially felt that talking was a waste of time but came to the realization that talk therapy helped them “find new roads they never knew were there” and provided a “switch to turn on a light at the end of a dark tunnel,” replacing hopelessness with a vision for how to live.

In addition to personally experiencing the loss of a friend to suicide, last year my colleagues and I began working with four organizations that had experienced suicides. Two were healthcare organizations, one was an education institution, and one was a branch of the U.S. armed services. In at least one instance, we learned that the organization came to us because of the CDC’s recommendation that connectedness to family, friends and community helps provide protection from suicide ideation. Searching online for “connection” and “culture” led them to our website. Leaders are usually interested in tapping into the benefits boosting connection in a work culture brings to a team, such as higher employee engagement, tighter strategic alignment, and greater agility and adaptability.  Here they wanted to understand the ways in which boosting connection benefits and protects the individuals on the team.

The power of connection

Cultures of connection help people cope with life’s stressors not only by calming their nervous system, which I mentioned earlier, but also by helping people maintain cortical control so that they react in a rational way. Cultures of disconnection, in contrast, contribute to making it more likely that the amygdala is in charge in the brains of people living or working in that type of culture. This would cause them to be reactionary. Connection also brings about the positive emotion of contentment that can last for weeks and months.

People are under a lot of stress and a lot of people are stressed out. Gallup Research reported that eight out of 10 Americans feel afflicted by stress. Common stressors include a heavy workload, health issues, financial pressures, cognitive overload, strained relationships, discrimination, the demands of caring for children and/or aging relatives, and today’s combative political environment. Oftentimes, the circumstances in our lives that contribute to stress are out of our control and so we need greater connection and resilience to cope.

Research summarized in Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection by the late John Cacioppo and William Patrick supports that connection is an indispensable resource to help us cope with stressors and threats we face in life. Studies have shown that disconnection can undermine several resilience factors including getting adequate sleep and physical exercise, and eating healthy, all of which are important to cope with chronic stress. Research has also shown that a lack of sufficient connection is associated with increased vulnerability to other stressors, a more intense reaction to negatives, less emotional boost from positives, greater feelings of helplessness and threat, and impaired cognitive function.

Social connection is vital yet we are allowing it to be gradually crowded out of our lives. Increased work demands, more time in front of screens and other factors have reduced face-to-face connection to the point that our society suffers from a collective connection deficit. Recently released research from Cigna, the insurance company, found that nearly two-thirds of Americans are lonely and loneliness is on the rise.

What can be done?

Awareness of our need for connection is an important first step! It helps motivate us to be intentional about taking action so that we have sufficient connection in our lives and in the lives of the people we care about, including those individuals we are responsible for leading or influencing. How much connection do we need? That depends on the person. It’s the quality of the connection, not the quantity, that matters most.

Here are 10 actions to consider:

Develop a “connection mindset” that connection helps people thrive and disconnection sabotages health, happiness and performance.
Adopt a mindset of thinking the best of others.
For people you regularly come in contact with at work or in your community, make eye contact, smile, greet them by name when you see them. If there’s time, ask a question unrelated to work to kick-off a conversation and get to know them better.
Carve out time for sharing a meal, taking a coffee break or going on a walk with family, friends or colleagues. It may help to proactively block off “connection time” in your calendar so you don’t let this slip.
Engage in group activities available in your community, such as with a volunteer service or faith-based organization where you can observe connection and joy in those cultures.
Participate in group exercise that includes opportunities to connect.
Plan a social outing with family members or friends— visit a museum, cheer for players at a sporting event, attend a concert or community event, or wander around an arts and craft fair.
Have friends over to play games.
If your work culture lacks connection, take action to increase connection. If it is relationally toxic and you have little hope that will change, for the sake of your own health and wellbeing, move to an organization where connectedness is the norm.
If you are a leader, cultivate a connection culture in your work culture.

Please, if you are considering suicide or someone you know is, don’t stay silent. Call the national suicide prevention hotline at 800-273-TALK or reach out to your physician or an emotional health professional.

In the decade ahead, I’m optimistic that the number of suicides will begin to decline as America’s individual and collective level of connection rises. Won’t you join me in taking time each day to reach out and connect with the people in your life? Human connection is a powerful antidote to indifference that feeds loneliness and hopelessness. Even small connections that show you care can make a difference in bringing positive emotions into people’s lives that help protect them from self-harm.

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The #1 Obstacle to Great Workplace Culture

“The level of toxicity in the workplace is at an all-time high,” warns Johnny Taylor, president and CEO of the Society for Human Resource Management (“SHRM”). Taylor’s organization recently set up a pop-up coffee house in the middle of the Oculus at the World Trade Center complex in New York City to bring attention to the issue and its new report titled “The High Cost of a Toxic Workplace Culture: How Culture Impacts the Workforce—and The Bottom Line.”

Cultures of control or cultures that are indifferent to people, both of which are toxic and isolating, are often the culprit behind rising stress, job burnout and loneliness that is all too common today. Leaders need to boost human connection and cultivate cultures of connection in their teams and throughout their organization to protect against the natural drift toward disconnection. In a culture infused with connection, leaders communicate an inspiring vision, value people as human beings and give people a voice. I’ve written about many examples, including Costco, the rock band U2 and Alan Mulally’s turnaround of Ford Motor Company. That bond of connection boosts employee engagement and organizational performance.

Ironically, the SHRM event was held in the same location where the band OneRepublic had filmed its popular music video, “Connection.” The song expresses a person’s longing to connect and the struggle to find others who will take time to engage in a meaningful way. As Ryan Tedder, OneRepublic’s lead singer, walks through the Oculus, surrounded by people who don’t even acknowledge him, or each other, because they are staring into their palms as if in a trance-like state glued to their smartphones, he sings, “If there’s so many people here, then why I am so lonely? Can I get a connection?”

Many people who learn about the benefits of human connection to individuals and to the performance of a group or organization agree with me that a culture of connection is based on attitudes and behaviors that should be common sense. So why is this life-giving type of workplace culture not more common?

The number one obstacle to creating great workplace cultures is the knowing-doing gap, a term coined by Stanford Business School professors Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert Sutton in their excellent book of the same name. The knowing-doing gap recognizes that many leaders fail to turn knowledge into actions that produce measurable results. Pfeffer and Sutton found common sense is uncommon in practice. They discovered that great organizations got outstanding performance from ordinary people by:

valuing common sense and avoiding management fads,
valuing simple and easy-to-understand language,
investing the time to make sure people understood the philosophy and rationale supporting strategy and actions, and
measuring to make sure critical actions get done.

In the context of promoting the need for connection in the workplace and how to create and maintain a culture of connection, I’ve witnessed how the knowing-doing gap has held organizations back as leaders have fallen into one or more of the following traps (I’ve given each a label to make them easier to remember):

‍“Common Sense” Trap – Because actions that boost connection reflect common sense they are assumed to already be occurring in the organization (when in fact they are not). ‍
“Seduced by a Management Fad” Trap – Leaders are seduced by sophisticated-sounding management fads so there is an utter failure to implement simple, common sense actions that boost connection and have the greatest impact on results. ‍
“Only Give Me the Practical” Trap – Leaders want to get straight to the “how to” part of the training. Without helping people understand why connection is foundational to an individual’s physical, mental and emotional health and wellbeing, actions that boost connection don’t take root and become the norm. This is why my colleagues and I make “developing a connection mindset” the first step in operationalizing a healthy, high-performing workplace culture. ‍
“Failure to Measure” Trap – Leaders see connection as so obvious they fail to measure it, which signals to employees that connection is unimportant, and, as a result, they don’t follow through on actions that boost connection.

Don’t let the knowing-doing gap hold you and your organization back. Like the great organizations, be intentional and action-oriented about developing a connection mindset that unites people so that they pull together and support one another. It’s human connection, and the collaboration and cooperation that grow out of it, that protects us from the corrosive effects of stress that diminish our health, happiness and performance.

You May Also Enjoy: 

Promises Leaders Make

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Promises Leaders Make

If you want to boost employee engagement, consider going back to the basics. Begin by answering this question: What promises should I make to the people I am responsible for leading?  

Here are promises you might consider making:

I promise to provide clear instructions about what I expect and what constitutes good performance.
I promise to provide the training, resources and encouragement you need to achieve good performance.
I promise to cultivate a culture of connection where colleagues respect, encourage and support one another so that everyone can do their best work.
I promise to get to know you, including your career aspirations, and, when possible, place you in a role and give you opportunities to learn and grow in ways that will help you advance toward your career aspirations.
I promise I will keep you informed about matters that affect you or matters that are important to you, including matters that affect your performance, and that I will seek and consider your ideas and opinions when possible.
I promise to advocate for fair compensation, benefits and consideration for promotions.

Which of the promises should you make to the people you are responsible for leading? What promises should you make that are not represented above?

How are you doing on delivering the promises? If you are not delivering them, what actions can you take to deliver on them?

Beware of making promises you can’t keep, otherwise you’ll end up with lower levels of employee engagement. But if you will communicate and deliver on promises that show those you lead that you value them as individuals and want them to be able to perform well, you’ll see employee engagement rise.

You May Also Enjoy: 

3 Practices to Improve the Contribution of Your Core Employees

What Disengaged Employees Would Say to the Boss (If They Could Be Honest)

3 Ways Pixar Gains Competitive Advantage from Its Culture

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Loneliness: An Increasingly Recognized Health Problem

Article Published by SmartBrief

Loneliness is a growing problem in U.S. society, but fortunately it is one that is beginning to receive the attention that it deserves. I had the privilege of contributing comments to a recent article published by SmartBrief, which explored the impact of loneliness and how organizations can address it.

Read the full article and consider what steps you can take to address the problem of loneliness in your community.

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Bringing Connection to School

It’s back-to-school time across the U.S. A new school year brings with it hope and excitement as well as its share of nervousness and concern. A student might wonder if she will fit in with her classmates or if he will be able to keep up with the academic load. A teacher might wonder if he will be able to engage all of his students or if she can handle the demanding workload.

When I first started exploring the topic of group culture for my own understanding, I was focused on the corporate setting. I quickly saw how the principles apply to any group, including a family, a volunteer committee, a school or a community.

Earlier this year I traveled to Utah to facilitate a “Creating a Connection Culture” workshop for 160 principals and counselors of the Alpine School District, Utah’s largest primary and secondary school district with 85,000 students. This opportunity came about because a few principals in the Alpine School District had led their schools to create connection cultures and teachers, school staff and parents saw the positive results it produced. Now 200 parents who are part of the PTA in the district and the neighboring district in Provo are reading our book Connection Culture to support the efforts of their schools. How great is it to see a community really coming together to create a culture that helps their children thrive?!

Why would a school want a connection culture? There are three compelling reasons.

1. Students Thrive with Connection

There is overwhelming evidence that students experience better emotional health and learning outcomes when they feel connected to friends, family and community. Not only do students perform better academically when they feel connected, but they also experience less anxiety and depression. Additionally, according to research from the Centers of Disease Control, creating a culture that promotes connectedness to family, friends and community is the best strategy to reduce the risk of suicide, which has become the second leading cause of death for 10-24 year olds.

2. Teachers and School Staff Thrive with Connection

I have the utmost respect and admiration for teachers, especially those who make a difference in the lives of their students. Teaching is hard work but so important to the future of our kids and society. With budget pressures, many teachers are expected to do more with fewer resources. They need our support and encouragement. This goes for school staff, too.

Teachers and school staff are vulnerable to burnout and the best way to protect them is to boost human connection in the cultures they live and work in. As I explained in Connection Culture, human connection is a superpower that makes us smarter, happier and more productive. It also makes our nervous system more resilient to cope with stress so that we make rational rather than rash decisions.

3. Communities Thrive with Connection

People in communities that have higher levels of connection are healthier, happier and more productive. A healthy community cultivates healthy students and their families as well as the teachers and school staff who live in those communities. I’ve been interested to see that more organizations that work to help economically-depressed communities are viewing poverty as a breakdown of connection and community (see Community Renewal as one example).

The inspiring story of a community losing and rebuilding connection is detailed in the award-winning book Dreamland by Sam Quinones. Dreamland describes how the opioid crisis developed in America. Part of the book tells the story of soaring opioid addiction in Portsmouth, Ohio, as connection, community and the economy declined. Quinones goes on to describe how townspeople came together to save the major employer, clean up the streets and restore community spaces where people could gather. The story includes accounts of artists creating artistic expressions that are helping people heal and churches coming together to march against the pill mills like the Joshua-led march around Jericho that is recounted in the Jewish Scriptures and in the Bible. Portsmouth’s comeback story alone is worth the price of the book!

People thrive when they are in cultures that cultivate connection and community. It’s exciting to see school administrators, teachers, staff and parents in and around Alpine School District in Utah coming together to assure a brighter future for local children. Do you know a teacher or school staff member who would benefit from understanding the “why” and “how” of infusing connection in his or her setting? Point him or her to Connection Culture and/or our website to learn more.

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Why the Health of Your Doctor Matters

By Michael Lee Stallard and Katharine P. Stallard

It is customary for your doctor to ask you how you are doing when he or she enters the exam room. We’ve come to expect it. Typically, it is the opening question in a conversation to assess how you are really doing. But how often do you ask your doctor the same question?

A Heavy Load

Practicing medicine these days is stressful. Demands of productivity drive increasing numbers of patient visits or procedures on a given day. In addition to caring for patients in the exam room or operating suite, physicians face challenges of navigating the reporting requirements of new payment models. Electronic medical records add extra work hours to most physicians’ days due to unfriendly user interfaces and lack of interoperability, putting information management on the list of their responsibilities. It can be disheartening to work in a broken healthcare system where patients still struggle to have coordinated care and basic needs met. Finally, in the internet era, physicians have experienced decreased societal regard for hard-won professional knowledge and experience.

The medical professionals we either know personally or as patients are well-intentioned and work very hard. Still, knowing what we do about the impact of stress, we’re concerned for all those who run the risk of lacking sufficient social connections to maintain good health for themselves. Despite all of the time spent interacting with patients and staff, a recent article in Harvard Business Review cited physicians as among the loneliest professions. The combination of chronic stress and loneliness is contributing to the epidemic of physician burnout which research has shown may be the primary cause of medical errors.

Social connection is a primal human need, as research has borne out. Biologically, it appears to improve the cardiovascular, endocrine and immune systems’ performance. Lacking sufficient levels of connection is associated with poorer cognitive performance, impaired executive control and self-regulation, lower levels of self-rated physical health, substance abuse, depressive symptoms and suicidal ideation.

This excellent article in The Atlantic, “Physicians Get Addicted Too,” provides a cautionary tale of what can happen when under pressure. It unfolds the poignant story of Dr. Lou Ortenzio, a beloved family practitioner in West Virginia who was seeing 40-50 patients a day and working from 9:00 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. or even later. His desire to serve his patients well and an unrealistic work schedule squeezed out time for family and friends. (When we saw those clues, we knew trouble was ahead.) The high stress of a demanding work schedule plus low social connection combined to make Ortenzio vulnerable to the emotional and physical consequences of stress. He began to have trouble sleeping and he gained weight. His first step on the slippery slope into unintended addiction came one evening in 1988 when he reached for a sample he had in his office of extra-strength Vicodin (which has acetaminophen and hydrocodone, an opioid) to relieve a tension headache so he could finish seeing patients on that day’s schedule. It helped. As his addiction grew overtime to taking 20-30 pills a day, he turned to writing prescriptions in his children’s and friends’ names to feed a growing habit. His life took a turn in 2004 and he “managed to taper off the drugs.” Shortly after, the prescription fraud was discovered and it led to the loss of his medical license in 2006. Today, Mr. Ortenzio heads his church’s ministry, Celebrate Recovery, to help addicts.

Effects of Trauma

Another factor that those of us on the receiving end of medical care don’t often think about is the emotional toll of caring for sick people and those with chronic conditions or a terminal diagnosis. To begin to appreciate the emotional demands people in healthcare routinely face, read this eloquent article by oncologist Dr. Martee L. Hensley, “What Do You Say When She Is No Longer Living with Cancer.” Recognizing the role of her entire team in the care of her patients, internist Dr. Holly Dahlman established a bereavement practice.  When a patient or close family member passes away, the whole staff team will sign a card of condolence for the next of kin. They will pause for a moment of silence at staff meetings after patients have died.

The effects of trauma also factor into burnout, which progresses from emotional exhaustion to depersonalization to a diminished sense of personal accomplishment. Trauma makes people more vulnerable to stress and feeling threatened. People who are traumatized may suffer damage to part of the brain that can lead to emotional shutdown, as described in the insightful book Untangling the Mind: Why We Behave the Way We Do by Dr. Ted George, a neuroscientist and psychiatrist.

In Finding Heart in Art: A Surgeon’s Renaissance Approach to Healing Modern Medical Burnout, Dr. Shawn C. Jones shared how trauma experienced in his practice as a board-certified otolaryngologist-head and neck surgeon led to experiencing alexithymia. He described the condition this way: “… [I] was completely unable to identify or feel anything in the way of happiness or sadness, anger, or calm. I felt no connection to anything —myself, my family, my associates, my patients. I felt completely disconnected from the world around me.” Given the isolating effect of alexithymia, feelings of loneliness are exacerbated. Fortunately for Dr. Jones, he didn’t merely carry on in that state of “emotional numbness.” He sought professional help, recovered and returned to practicing medicine. He went on to become president of the Kentucky Medical Association and in 2016 was honored with the association’s Distinguished Service Award.

A Simple, Memorable and Actionable Model

In our work to raise awareness of the need for connection and how to infuse it in a work setting, we present leaders with a simple, memorable and actionable model that captures the important elements: Vision + Value + Voice. Put simply, communicate a Vision that inspires and unites people, Value people as human beings and not just means to an end, and give people a Voice to express their opinions and ideas. We explain how these elements meet universal human needs in the workplace for respect, recognition, belonging, autonomy, personal growth, meaning and progress.

If you are burning out or disengaged at work, you can use the 3V model as a diagnostic tool to examine your experience. Where is there a breakdown? What might you do, individually,to turn it around? Dr. Jones’ practical advice to fellow medical personnel based on his own journey includes these exhortations: “Take some time to remember what led you to choose medicine as a career and develop a way to tap into that meaning. It seems easy for that to get lost in day-to-day minutiae.” [Vision]; “Develop a cadre of friends with whom you can be real.” [Value]; and “Start a discussion group on [the issue of burnout] at whatever level you serve. That will help to build a sense of community.” [Voice].

The Need for Cultures of Connection

It’s important for those in the medical field to understand the positives of connection and the negatives of disconnection, and to act to improve and safeguard their own health. That said, there is a related piece that needs to be addressed: Healthcare is an industry that desperately needs to improve the cultures of its organizations, big and small.

The high rate of physician burnout and suicide are signs that the cultures in many healthcare organizations are not healthy cultures of connection. Instead, you’ll find cultures that tend to isolate people through unrealistic work demands combined with overcontrolling attitudes, language and behavior, or cultures that are indifferent to our human needs for connection. (It should be noted that data show that nurse burnout rates are extremely high, too.)

According to Dr. Jones, “Medical institutions are in dire need of physicians who are willing to take a stand and demand that the medical work environment improves for the good of the patient, the caregiver, and the healthcare system. It is imperative that physician well-being becomes a principal concern. It is a public health crisis that needs to be addressed now.”

Encouraging Signs

We recently spoke about our work and book, Connection Culture, to more than 300 leaders at Yale New Haven Health’s Annual Directors’ Meeting. In conversations we had with several people it was encouraging to see how many leaders at one of America’s top-rated healthcare organizations are intentionally cultivating a culture that will enable physicians and staff to perform their very best work, and ultimately help maximize patient outcomes in the battle against sickness and disease.

We are also encouraged to see that education of rising professionals in healthcare is beginning to include the importance of human connection and connection culture. The new medical school at Texas Christian University, where we work as consultants to the TCU Center for Connection Culture, is intentionally developing empathic scholarsTM using an “interdisciplinary curriculum designed to build skills in awareness, listening, inquiry and engagement to foster exceptional connections between physicians and their patients, their teams and their communities.” Incorporated in the education is a Physician Development Coaching program which pairs each student with a coach and other student team members. The coaching relationship will “assist in the development of resiliency, collaboration, communication and continuous improvement for personal and professional development.”

There is evidence that it may take well over a decade for healthcare research to be applied in clinical settings. We’re hopeful that the lag time will be far shorter in the case of connection — for the sake of those who work in healthcare and for our sake, as their patients.

About the Authors

‍Michael Lee Stallard, president and cofounder of Connection Culture Group, is a thought leader and speaker on how effective leaders boost human connection in team and organizational cultures to improve the health and performance of individuals and organizations. He is the primary author of “Connection Culture” and “Fired Up or Burned Out.” A three-time cancer survivor, Katharine Stallard is a partner of Connection Culture Group and a contributing author of “Connection Culture.”

Photo by  Online Marketing  on  Unsplash.

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