Kaiylah Muhammad's Blog - Posts Tagged "self-esteem"
I can make him fall in love with my vagina.
I've always called myself "going with the flow" when it came to relationships, but it wasn't until recently that I realized I was only going AGAINST my worth.
In earlier centuries sex was sacred.... It was held to a higher standard. In this day and age sex is just sex. Not many people place value on sex anymore. And many of us women pretend like we don't care what the outcome is after sex. We tell ourselves, "Whatever happens, happens." When we know deep down that the reason we are so in a rush to have sex with this man is because we believe that our vagina is so good that it will make him want to stick around. Now there have been times where I've had sex with a guy and had absolutely no attachment to him afterwards because I really was just having fun. But I also have been guilty of using sex in hopes of receiving love.
I've realized that in order to be treated like the queen you are, you have to carry yourself like one! Carrying yourself like a queen means making sex a PRIZE he has won only after proving to you that his intentions are pure. And he does not prove this with words; he proves it with ACTIONS.
Not always, but generally speaking men do not process sex the same as women. Men respond to sex physically, while women respond to sex emotionally. The reason why women respond to sex emotionally is because women are naturally nurturers... they have to be due to their ability to give birth. But it is possible for a man to also respond to sex emotionally only if he first has a spiritual and mental connection with that woman.
Finally understanding this has helped me slow down and not just have sex because it "feels right". If you're reading this I'm sure you're an amazing person, but no man is going to be able to see that if you keep using sex to get love. You want a man to fall in love with your mind and spirit... NOT YOUR VAGINA. This advice is not coming from someone who has always lived by what I am preaching to you right now, which is why I know first hand that sex is not the key to love. I'm not going to tell you how long to wait because not every man is the same, but what I will tell you is that YOU ARE A FUCKING QUEEN and he needs to remind you of that. He needs to hold you on a pedestal.
And don't worry about him getting frustrated because you're "taking too long". If he doesn't stick around through the test then screw him... This is about YOU AND KNOWING YOUR WORTH. Lust & infatuation dies fast. If you want to capture his heart, first capture his mind.
P.S.- if you haven't already check out my latest book "The Starving Psyche" on Amazon. xoxo <3
In earlier centuries sex was sacred.... It was held to a higher standard. In this day and age sex is just sex. Not many people place value on sex anymore. And many of us women pretend like we don't care what the outcome is after sex. We tell ourselves, "Whatever happens, happens." When we know deep down that the reason we are so in a rush to have sex with this man is because we believe that our vagina is so good that it will make him want to stick around. Now there have been times where I've had sex with a guy and had absolutely no attachment to him afterwards because I really was just having fun. But I also have been guilty of using sex in hopes of receiving love.
I've realized that in order to be treated like the queen you are, you have to carry yourself like one! Carrying yourself like a queen means making sex a PRIZE he has won only after proving to you that his intentions are pure. And he does not prove this with words; he proves it with ACTIONS.
Not always, but generally speaking men do not process sex the same as women. Men respond to sex physically, while women respond to sex emotionally. The reason why women respond to sex emotionally is because women are naturally nurturers... they have to be due to their ability to give birth. But it is possible for a man to also respond to sex emotionally only if he first has a spiritual and mental connection with that woman.
Finally understanding this has helped me slow down and not just have sex because it "feels right". If you're reading this I'm sure you're an amazing person, but no man is going to be able to see that if you keep using sex to get love. You want a man to fall in love with your mind and spirit... NOT YOUR VAGINA. This advice is not coming from someone who has always lived by what I am preaching to you right now, which is why I know first hand that sex is not the key to love. I'm not going to tell you how long to wait because not every man is the same, but what I will tell you is that YOU ARE A FUCKING QUEEN and he needs to remind you of that. He needs to hold you on a pedestal.
And don't worry about him getting frustrated because you're "taking too long". If he doesn't stick around through the test then screw him... This is about YOU AND KNOWING YOUR WORTH. Lust & infatuation dies fast. If you want to capture his heart, first capture his mind.
P.S.- if you haven't already check out my latest book "The Starving Psyche" on Amazon. xoxo <3
My Sex Problem
These damn generational curses... You go through something in your childhood and it negatively affects your adulthood. People tell you, "It happened 20 years ago, get over it." So you try to pretend like you're over it, but your behavior shows that you're not.
Consciously I know you can't use sex to get love. Consciously I know that bringing sex into the equation too early on taints the bond you're trying to build with that person. It takes away the innocence. It takes away the mystery. It takes away the mental and spiritual connection that needs to be built before getting physical.
Consciously I know these things, but subconsciously I struggle so much. Why? Because I was introduced to sex when I was a toddler. I've talked about this in the past, but I'm tired of talking about it because I hate feeling like a victim.
The truth of the matter is, it happened. And no matter how long ago it was, it still affects me to this day. Subconsciously, my perception of relationships, love and sex is really distorted.
I've never been in a relationship for more than 6 months (without breaking up). If I have great chemistry with someone and they stimulate my mind, I automatically want them to stimulate my body without allowing enough time to see what a man's intentions are. Not allowing enough time for a man to fall in love with my mind and my spirit, instead of my vagina.
Having sex too early on gives me a false sense of closeness to that person. And having sex too early on can distort that person's perception of me. I know so many women can relate to this... And I wish I could end this post with some life changing advice... And I could, but it wouldn't be real because I'm still battling this demon myself.
Consciously I know you can't use sex to get love. Consciously I know that bringing sex into the equation too early on taints the bond you're trying to build with that person. It takes away the innocence. It takes away the mystery. It takes away the mental and spiritual connection that needs to be built before getting physical.
Consciously I know these things, but subconsciously I struggle so much. Why? Because I was introduced to sex when I was a toddler. I've talked about this in the past, but I'm tired of talking about it because I hate feeling like a victim.
The truth of the matter is, it happened. And no matter how long ago it was, it still affects me to this day. Subconsciously, my perception of relationships, love and sex is really distorted.
I've never been in a relationship for more than 6 months (without breaking up). If I have great chemistry with someone and they stimulate my mind, I automatically want them to stimulate my body without allowing enough time to see what a man's intentions are. Not allowing enough time for a man to fall in love with my mind and my spirit, instead of my vagina.
Having sex too early on gives me a false sense of closeness to that person. And having sex too early on can distort that person's perception of me. I know so many women can relate to this... And I wish I could end this post with some life changing advice... And I could, but it wouldn't be real because I'm still battling this demon myself.
Social media is my self-esteem
It’s really crazy how the amount of likes, views and reposts you get on social media, can negatively or positively affect your self-esteem. We base our importance off of how other people view us more than ever because of social media. And granted every human wants attention, but the fact that how we feel about ourselves is based on how other people feel about us is soooo unhealthy. I keep saying "we" because I’m not excluded. This is something I struggle with too.
For people who didn’t get much attention as a child, maybe were bullied & picked on, maybe had an absent parent or perhaps had both parents, but didn’t receive much attention or affection from them... social media may be a way for them to fill that void.
The problem is when you stop getting as much attention. You stop getting as many likes. You stop getting as many comments. Then what? You start to feel like that insecure unloved child again. I’m speaking from personal experience.
So it’s important to view yourself, from your own eyes and not from the eyes of other people. But how do you do that? Well the first thing to remember is that social media is meant for connecting with other people. It should not be used as a way to fill a void from your childhood. It should not be used as a way to boost your self-esteem. It should not be used as a way to feed your ego.
Your importance as a person does not come from likes and followers. Although it may feel that way sometimes, you have to remember it's all an illusion. People who believe that their value comes from that, have a false sense of security.
For people who didn’t get much attention as a child, maybe were bullied & picked on, maybe had an absent parent or perhaps had both parents, but didn’t receive much attention or affection from them... social media may be a way for them to fill that void.
The problem is when you stop getting as much attention. You stop getting as many likes. You stop getting as many comments. Then what? You start to feel like that insecure unloved child again. I’m speaking from personal experience.
So it’s important to view yourself, from your own eyes and not from the eyes of other people. But how do you do that? Well the first thing to remember is that social media is meant for connecting with other people. It should not be used as a way to fill a void from your childhood. It should not be used as a way to boost your self-esteem. It should not be used as a way to feed your ego.
Your importance as a person does not come from likes and followers. Although it may feel that way sometimes, you have to remember it's all an illusion. People who believe that their value comes from that, have a false sense of security.
