Eileen Wilder's Blog, page 10

DREAM IT BIG: The Surprising Secret to Combat Negative Thinking

Have you ever slept on a fantastic mattress?  like HEAVEN in the form of rectangular foam?

My parents gifted us with one a few months back. My whole life has changed.  It’s ridiculous – I look forward to lying upon it as one does towards a vacation in the Bahamas.

Amidst a brilliant night of rest the other week, I felt a nudge bring me back to reality at 3am. The hushed whisper of my five year old said:

“Mama, scary things are in my head…What do I do?”

So often in our daily lives, negative thoughts flood our minds without our permission.   I know in my struggles with performance anxiety (before I’d get up to speak or sing)  it would feel like my mind would spin out of control and I couldn’t get my bearings back to reality.

I was dreaming of disaster. Except I was awake.

WHAT DO WE DO WHEN SCARY THINGS ARE IN OUR HEAD?

In the movie Inception, the protagonist Dom Cobb says:

An idea is like a virus, resilient, highly contagious. The smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you.

The enemy knows that if he can plant negative thoughts in your mind – he has the power to destroy what God is building in your life. The Bible gives us a powerful secret to combat his strategy:

“Set your mind on the things above” – Colossians 3:2

In order to experience outrageous joy, we’ve got to make our dreams bigger than our fears. And set our minds upon them, on purpose.

Don’t “try harder” to stop being negative – just imagine how exciting your future in God can be. Then take it to the limit! Here’s how I implemented this with Harry:

ME: “What are you so excited about that you want to do this Summer?”

Slight pause.

HARRY: “I want to go on a cruise.”

ME: “Fantastic!  Think of 10 things you cannot WAIT to do on the Cruise….get really specific okay?”

HARRY: “Okay…okay…yeah…got it. I’ve got to go get my markers – I’m going to draw it all out in the morning!”

Set your mind on things above. Dream bigger than you ever have before for that which God’s calling you to. Take steps towards that pervasive, undeniable endeavor on your heart.  It doesn’t matter if it’s realistic, or if you don’t know how it will happen.

Dream Anyway.  Negativity will always bow before a big God-dream.

START BEFORE YOU ARE READY:

Change the narrative.  Write down a quick answer to one of the following, regarding an upcoming situation you’re facing:

From “What if I fail?”  to “What will I miss if I DON’T do this?”


From “What could go wrong?” to “What is going to go ridiculously amazing?”


From “I’m not looking forward to this…” to “What if I perform better than I thought?”

 

 

P.S. (PRACTICAL SOLUTION)

I wanted to share this amazing App I use when I’m tempted to be negative. I look at it in the morning, and then again before bed, just for a few minutes to set my mind. Check it out!

How do YOU combat negative thinking?  Share any “go-to resources” or tips – your comment might be just the right key for another reader!

CAREER CHANGE: What to Do When You Don’t Know What To Do

“Maybe I’m just not good enough…maybe I should choose a different career…maybe I’m not hearing from God…maybe I should just throw in the towel and call it quits.”

Those were some of my thoughts in the last three years. When you’re unemployed and seemingly applying to every and any job available, but nothing is happening, it’s easy to have negative thoughts.

Yes, I believed in God. I believed “God was able to change my situation.” I believed “He wouldn’t give me more than I could bear.” I believed “This too shall pass.”

You guessed it, I believed all of the cliches.

However, when you are IN a storm, sometimes you are unable to see your way through it, much less out of it.

In late 2011, I became unemployed. Initially, I did not know how to react to it. I thought for sure I would find another job quickly, because I am a pretty ambitious and motivated person, but that did not happen. As the days went by, and I submitted application after application, revised my resume a million times, I began to question myself AND God.

Why is nothing happening for me?

Eventually, I became functionally depressed. The days all looked the same, I was there, but not fully present. If you look at my Instagram, you’ll find tons of pictures where I am smiling, but I was not happy. I knew there was more for me to do. God’s given me so many gifts, why can’t I catch a break?!

Simultaneously, I fell into the trap of comparing myself to others. They seemed to be accomplishing more than me. I was genuinely happy for them, but could not help to wonder when it would be my turn. But then 1 Timothy 6:6-8 got me together, “Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.”

I was not content with where I was or with what God was trying to do, nor was I truly trusting Him. I made a conscious decision to be content with where I was, and trusted Him to direct my path.

I didn’t have a church home at the time, because I relocated. I felt the need to go to church and reconnect. The online sermons from Bedside Baptist were no longer enough, :-). A friend recommended a church that was within their network of churches, located in Washington, D.C. When I arrived, the first thing I received from the greeter was a postcard that said “Welcome Home.” I thought, “God, seriously?! How am I home already, lol?!” I was captivated by the service, and it was the refresher I needed.

I continued to attend, and even joined a life group. The four months of life group were great; new friendships were formed, and they helped me to stay focus and stand firm in my faith. By the end of life group, I was employed, and working in the beauty industry – the field I love!

The last three years were a challenge, but I can see now that God was molding me. He was helping me become a better version of myself…and He still is. Although it seemed like a dry season, God was always working. Now, I’m content, I trust Him to direct my path, and I am happy!

Yanny has been in the beauty industry for over 10 years as a professional makeup artist and beauty advisor. She recently launched her blog, fabulouslyfrugalgal.com, in an effort to help women meet their beauty needs on a budget.  @YannyFab_Chung

THE SINGLE MOST POWERFUL INGREDIENT TO UNSTOPPABLE SELF-WORTH

Have you ever run passed a window naked? or worse, not realized there was a window?

The truth is, you don’t want people to see your birthday suit.  It’s embarrassing.

Yet this is precisely what many of us do in the morning – we leave the house forgetting to get dressed spiritually, confident in our self-worth.  The sad thing is, it can ruin our entire day.

We feel wrong, because we’ve forgotten that God has made us right.

If we don’t aggressively remind ourselves that our self-worth comes from God, we can go through the whole day feeling uneasy. Weighed down. Lacking the motivation we need.

It’s very challenging, dare I say impossible – to move forward with our dreams if we are constantly feeling bad about ourselves.  Before we leave the house in the morning, we MUST put on this one key article of clothing – our righteousness.

Ephesians 6:14 says to: “put on the breastplate of Righteousness”.

While we often wait to “feel good about ourselves” the Bible tells us differently, that our Righteousness has come already through Jesus. And we must put it on, no one will do it for us.

HOW CAN I BE RIGHTEOUS WHEN I HAVEN’T DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT?

I’ve often wondered this. The essence of this mystery is brilliant – because it’s actually not about you at all.

You are righteous because God decided to make you righteousness! It wasn’t up to you. He didn’t even bother to consult you. God in all His God-ness has the right to override your feelings, your considerations, and your input.

Yeah, Gabriel told Him you didn’t feel deserving, but He went ahead and decided ANYWAY to declare you righteous.

There’s no use in fighting it.
No use in pretending you’re not worthy anymore.
No sense in feeling so guilty all the time.

So release the shame, the condemnation, the “icky feeling” – because YOU are right with God through Jesus! Yes, I’m talking to YOU.

THREE KEYS TO UNSTOPPABLE SELF-WORTH:
1. GO AHEAD AND “PICK YOURSELF”

Often we are waiting for someone else to “pick us”.  We wait on the sidelines of life, like in elementary school Gym class, longing to be picked on the Dodge-ball team.  Let me help you: No one is going to pick you. You have to realize God already chosen you – so go ahead and pick yourself.

2. REALIZE IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU

We often fail to walk in unstoppable self-worth, because we are trying to ‘earn it’ from God. Your self-worth is  based on the blood of Jesus, and the perfect sacrifice He gave. To walk around in guilt and condemnation, is now a total waste of your time and energy. Righteousness is now a condition you’re in, not a medal to be won.

3. YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL CONFIDENT TO BE CONFIDENT

Often we’re waiting to “feel it” before we act “worth it”.  The great thing is we don’t have to live life based on our feelings anymore.  Sometimes THIS is the ultimate act of faith – acting confident and full of self-worth, when you feel like it the least.  Put your shoulders back, your head up high –  you’re in right standing with God today!

UP NEXT WEEK: Inflict Damage to the Enemy in Stiletto Heels.

What do you do to get ready in the morning? Share any tips for the rest of us to glean from!

BODY BULLY: 4 Ways to Lose the Weight Without Losing Your Mind

He wrapped the thick, cold metal chain around my neck so tight I could barely breathe.

The crowd of kids was gathering to a sizable amount, and in my peripheral vision I recognized many of my 6th grade peers. By the time the teacher broke up the incident in the school entryway, the damage had been done.

The long walk back to my homeroom I was in a bewildered daze. The embarrassment, the confusion, the anger.  More so, the unanswered question: ”Why?” resonated throughout my young mind.

As often the case with bullying is, there are no clear answers in the fog of war.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services research shows 1 in 3 U.S. students say they have been bullied at school.

Whether the violence is on the playground or over the kitchen table, many of us have felt the undeniable pain from the wound of bullying.  Words or knives, no difference – the truth remains: bullies leave scars.

BUT WHAT DO WE DO WHEN THE BULLY LIVES IN US?

When faced with weightloss, we hear Body Bully shout:

“You don’t have what it takes to lose this weight!”
“Who do you think you are anyway??”

At times all these emotions can feel absolutely overwhelming. Body Bully is harsh. She’s demanding. She’s accusatory. I heard her taunting when:

I had 25lbs to lose due to overeating
60lbs to lose with my first pregnancy
45lbs with my second pregnancy

And now she’s coming back with a vengeance due to the 55lbs I just gained from this pregnancy.

SURE, I MAY HAVE GAINED ENOUGH FOR TWINS.
AND SURE, ONLY ONE BABY EMERGED.

 

But this time I’m gearing up for Body Bully. I’m getting ready for her.

I’d love to have you join me in the school entryway. Truth be told,  I’m 1/3 adrenaline and 2/3 frightened 6th grader. But I’m going in.

In the next few weeks I’m going to write more about these ideas. These 4 Keys have helped me combat Body Bully in the past, and I believe will be my go-to weapons of choice:

4 WAYS TO KISS THE WEIGHT GOODBYE:

(K)  Know Your Worth Baby.

(I)   Inflict Damage in Stiletto Heels.

(S)  See Your Radiant Future.

(S)  Start Before Your Ready.

Can’t wait to delve into this more! I’d love to hear from you!

Have you ever met a Body Bully? How do you handle her? I’d really love to hear your advice!

THE IN-BETWEEN: What to Do on the Way to Your Dream When You’re Crazy Scared

Just three weeks ago we welcomed our third child, Oliver Grey into the world! It was 2:15pm on  April 1st.

While a lot of people ask me how I’ve had such easy childbirth experiences – many don’t know what a complete scaredy-cat I’ve been prior to delivering.

In fact, before every delivery I think: “If it hurts, I’m going for the BIG drugs.”

But alas, my deliveries have always come and gone, quick and easy, with little fanfare.

Except – my son Harry, was delivered in the hallway of the hospital, with one push. The hospital did have a bit of fanfare over that.

 

Sometimes, the responses to our deliveries have been funny.  In fact, at Oliver’s delivery, the attending nurses remarked:

“Thank you for letting me watch that inspirational childbirth! “

“We’ve never really seen a woman do this without pain medication! You make it look so…effortless.”

Despite what it looked like to others, I faced a big fear going into Oliver’s birth.

I was terrified that we wouldn’t make it to the hospital and I’d deliver on Rt. 295.

“Do we have time to go get the car washed?” Harrison asked.

(In my husband’s mind, having a NEW BABY would be that. much. better. Combined with the knowledge that we also have a nice, clean car.)

I had my eyes closed, trying to stay relaxed.

“No”.

Soon I felt the car slow down to a halt. Then I opened my eyes to this:

My heart raced.

I began to panic.

“We’re going to deliver in the Car!!”

All I could think about was Fox 5 News covering my emergency highway delivery.

And many, many people seeing parts of me they never should have.

Many times on the way to the delivery of our Promise, we get Crazy Scared.

We think:

“It’s not ever going to happen”.

“I really thought it would turn out different than this.”

“Who am I to do this? I don’t have what it takes”

If we can learn to stay calm in the “In-Between”, we’ll see we’re just moments away from the Dream Delivery we’ve always wanted!

THREE WAYS TO STAY CALM IN THE IN-BETWEEN:

1. BELIEVE GOD CAN MAKE IT EASY

Did you know God can make things go WAY easier than you were expecting? Check out these words from Matthew 11:30:

“Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.” – Jesus

By re-framing our expectations upon this promise, you’ll be amazed how “supernatural ease” will show up in surprising ways!

2. MAKE IT A GAME.

Too often we buy into the “This is going to be HARD.”  We bury ourselves believing its going to be burdensome before we’ve even started. Rather, see how much fun you can have on the way to your dream –  and push it to the limit!

3. RELEASE THE OUTCOME TO GOD.

Let’s face it –  sometimes life doesn’t go like we planned. Despite all our best efforts sometimes our Dream turns out to be different than we imagined.

In times like these, I encourage you to trust God anyways. He’s got you. He’s got the plan. He’s going to get you EXACTLY where you need to go.

Remember, on the way to Delivering your Dream – it doesn’t have to be scary, difficult or hard. It’s going to be easy, fun & just the way it’s supposed to be.

By the way, we made it to the right hallway, the right room and had our Dream right on time – and SO will you!

 

Ever felt stalled on the path toward your dream? What keeps you encouraged?

Leave a comment below!

DEPRESSION: The One Technique From Counseling That Made a Difference

Studies show that one out of every four adults in America will be affected by mental illness at some point in their lives.

Nearly one in 10 Americans suffers from depression alone. What’s worse, by 2020, the World Health Organization estimates depression will be the second most debilitating disease worldwide.

Often those suffering, like I did, suffer in silence – due to the stigma and shame associated with mental illness.

We should find great encouragement and hope in what Rick Warren said following the loss of his son to mental illness.

“God knows what it’s like to lose a son,” Rick Warren noted.

“It’s amazing to me that any other organ in your body can break down and there’s no shame and stigma to it,” Warren told the congregation.

“But if your brain breaks down, you’re supposed to keep it a secret… If your brain doesn’t work right, why should you be ashamed of that?”

I can relate to this shame of my brain not working right. Can you?

Slowly, beguilingly – at 22 years old I drifted into a fog of depression. Like a boat lost out at sea the stormy waves of life swirled and churned all around me.   In the middle of this boat, I sat unaffected, staring into the void.  Not because I was at peace, but because because my soul had vanished. I couldn’t seem to feel. Anything.

It was in counseling that I first learned of the term “emotional exhaustion”. The sound of the words from my counselors mouth became the foghorn that called me back to the shores of hope.

Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Hope says:

“Negative emotions along with sustained, excessive stress can lead to depression, which now overshadows other problems for which patients seek help at my clinic.

Depression can be rooted in a number of problems, and those need to be addressed; simply taking a pill is not usually effective treatment. Anger, fear and guilt can all be underlying causes, even when the person isn’t aware he’s experiencing those feelings”, he says.

“A holistic treatment approach, which may or may not include medication, helps people overcome a bout of the debilitating illness, and learn techniques to manage it themselves”

THE ONE TECHNIQUE I LEARNED IN COUNSELING THAT MADE A DIFFERENCE

“Meditate on what is true.” – Philippians 4:8

I found in counseling I was holding on to a lot of anger towards myself. I was frustrated, resentful and mad at myself. Why? I’m not sure.

Maybe it was about mistakes I had made.  Disappointment in myself. Mostly, I think I was mad I wasn’t perfect.

Often we meditate on all the wrong things about ourselves so much, we forget what is true. We can forget the new life we have been given in Christ.

It was through the process of fixing my mind on the TRUE, who the Bible said I REALLY was, that I began the slow process of becoming strong again.

When your mood is dropping, consider:

“What am I thinking about right now?”


“Am I affirming the negative or positive about myself?”


“What does God say about me right now?”

Meditate on what is TRUE. Toss everything else overboard and out to sea!

I love you, and believe in you.

You CAN do it!

Can you relate? Have you or a loved one ever suffered from mental illness? What have you learned that was a key or a help during that time? Can’t wait to hear!