Lise MacTague's Blog, page 4

Endings

Endings are hard. Really hard. Life doesn’t have them. Sure, there are mile markers along the way, things we can point to that delineate one part of our life from another, but for most of us, there’s only on actual ending.

I recently left the life I’d known for the past fourteen years when I moved from Wisconsin to North Carolina. It wasn’t my first move, it probably won’t be my last, but nothing marks a shift like a few hundred miles. In a lot of ways I’m starting over, which is scary, but also very exciting. The formlessness of the upcoming days is both uncomfortable and intriguing. There’s a new beginning here somewhere, but I’m still not sure when that will get here.

As a writer, I find it incredibly difficult to write the ending to my stories. I’m not talking about the climactic scene of the story, but rather wrapping it up after that. Maybe it’s the formlessness around the characters’ futures that gives me such pause. Or perhaps it’s not wanting to say goodbye. In any case, there has to be an ending of some kind. Things can’t just dribble on forever.

In October, the conclusion to my On Deception’s Edge series is finally coming out. The final chapter of Vortex of Crimson is probably the hardest thing I’ve had to write so far. It is very definitely an ending, and one unlike the final chapters of Depths of Blue and Heights of Green. Each of those books had more to come, so it wasn’t “goodbye” to the characters and the story, instead it was “see you soon.”

We’ll have to see if Vortex ends in goodbye, or see you later. One thing for sure is that it’s a goodbye to Torrin and Jak. I’ve loved working with the characters and seeing them each grow and change, but their story is over. However, I don’t feel like I’m ready to be done with the universe they inhabit. I’d really like to explore in greater depth some of the worlds I’ve introduced. Castor-III, with its industrial landscape is particularly exciting. There are also some peripheral characters I’d like to revisit and build out.

And this is why I’m so bad at ending things. There’s always more to learn, more to find out and experience. I re-wrote the final scene in Vortex at least three times, and it’s been tweaked many more times than that. The initial ending was much too reminiscent of Star Wars, and I hated it until I realized that’s what was going on. Once I knew why the ending was so odious, I was able to tear it down and start over again.

It’s funny, I spent all that time working toward the final moment and when I finally got there, I had no idea what to say. Two years before I started writing the first words for Depths of Blue, I knew how the series’ action would end, but not how the story would. The last thing I wanted to do was to screw it up. It needed to have closure, not only for the characters, but also for the readers who’d been good enough to stick around for three novels.

I think I did it justice. All that needs to happen now is see what the readers say. Only two more months to go…

Mid-year update

It’s almost the end of July, so this is a little late for a mid-year update, but given that my plan for 2016 wasn’t revealed until this past March, I figure it’s not too bad.

I’ve had an interesting year so far. I went to my first GCLS conference (that’s Golden Crown Literary Society), which was awesome! I came away with some new tools for my mental writing kit, and got to meet a whole bunch of fabulous authors and readers. The stack of TBR books next to my bed has swelled to epic proportions, but I’m already looking forward to next year’s con in Chicago!

The other big news is that I’m moving. I’m also going to be without a full-time job for the first time in more than 15 years, which is terrifying. On the one hand, I’ll be able to devote a whole ton of time to writing until I can line up a new gig. On the other hand, no job!? Help!!!

To recap, my plan for 2016 was:

Polish Five Moons Rising for delivery
Write a romantic short story for Bella
Write a freebie short to be posted here
Get Vortex of Crimson into shape for publication in October
Start a big new project for the second half of the year

So far I’m mostly on schedule. Five Moons Rising has been delivered and is in the publication queue this spring, possibly around April, though that’s not set in stone just yet. I’ve been asked for my ideas for the cover and the synopsis, so it’s definitely coming! I’m very excited for readers to check out this one, as it’s very different from the On Deception’s Edge series.

I did complete that romantic short for Bella. It went through a few title changes, starting with “More Than Rubies”, and finally settling on “The Getaway”. It’s in an anthology called Happily Ever After, and if you weren’t at the GCLS con in DC to pick up your copy, you’re going to have to wait until August to get one. You should definitely pick it up if you haven’t already. It’s chock-full of great stories from Bella authors, each guaranteed to have a happy ending.

The freebie short “Touched” is currently undergoing polishing and my fumbling attempts to learn self-publishing. It will be posted before the end of the summer. I realized when I was reading over my plan for the year, that I’d promised to talk about that one a little more, and I definitely will, but I want to get it out there for people to read first. The subject matter is delicate, so I’m curious to hear what reactions are to the story.

Finally, Vortex of Crimson is well on its way to publication in October, which is only a few months away! I spent a very productive few weeks working on edits with my editor, the incomparable Medora MacDougall. As usual, her attentions have made it a much tighter story, and I think all you Jak and Torrin fans out there will love what’s in store for our duo. I know I’m stoked beyond belief to have it coming out, so stoked that I’ve started plotting a follow-up series that takes place about 10 years after the events in Vortex. Jak and Torrin won’t feature heavily in that story, but we will get to peek in on them and find out what they’ve been up to.

In other news, I’ve settled on my big project for the second half of the year, and I’ve already started the research on it. It’s a steampunk set in Victorian England, with a half-demon archivist, and very human cat-burglar by night/debutante by day, and lots and lots of demons. This one is a lot different than anything I’ve done up to now, in that it’s pretty far outside my comfort zone as far as the setting goes. I’ve been doing lots of research, and even wrote out the fist 1700 words, which told me that I need to go back and do some more research. The silver lining of my upcoming unemployment is that I’ll have lots of time to get steeped in Victorian England and the steampunk genre.

The only other little ting I’ve been up to is writing the occasional review for The Lesbian Review. I’m managing to contribute about one a month to the site. It’s been a lot of fun. I didn’t think I’d like reviewing as much as I do. Usually, I’m all about needing to know what comes next, and what’s the next book I’ll be reading. Reviewing gives me the chance to consider the book I’m reading in a different way, and one I’m enjoying immensely. Most of what I review is spec-fic, in some way or another. I’ve made a couple of exceptions, but I don’t usually stray too far. Anyway, check it out if you want to know what I’m reading and my opinions on the books. Also, make sure to check out the whole site, as it’s full of lesfic goodness. The other reviewers are fantastic.

That’s all for now. I’m off to pack a bunch more boxes.

The Lucky Ones

I came out to my parents when I was twenty. My mom already knew. My father might not have been happy about it, but he faked it well enough that I didn’t find out about his discomfort until years after he died.

I am one of the lucky ones.

When I was seventeen, I went for a walk, hand in hand, with the only man I’ve ever dated. We were attacked by two guys who, in their ignorance, saw two men holding hands. I was punched in the face hard enough to loosen my front teeth and give me a puffy lip. If a passing bus hadn’t stopped at the corner and the bus driver hadn’t gotten out, who knows how much worse it could have been?

I am one of the lucky ones.

My mom and all my brothers were present and happy for my wedding to a woman. I got married in Canada in 2006. It wouldn’t become legal in the US until 2015.

I am one of the lucky ones.

One night, on my way home from work when I was twenty-seven, I was followed off the bus by a guy who trailed me for half a block calling me “faggot” and “sissy-boy.” I didn’t correct him because I had no idea if it was worse to be a faggot or a dyke. Instead, I crossed a busy street in front of an oncoming car to get away from him.

I am one of the lucky ones.

To my knowledge, I’ve never lost a job opportunity because of my sexuality. I’ve never been denied housing or an education.

I am one of the lucky ones.

I was hassled on the bus by a group of teenagers who saw someone different and alone. One of them tried to up the ante by sitting next to me. I blistered his ears and sent him back to his group who only got louder. The bus driver ignored the situation until I went up and asked for his name to include in my report to the bus company. Only then did he tell the kids to pipe down, but he didn’t remove them from the bus.

I am one of the lucky ones.

All my life, I’ve dealt with snickers as I walk by because I refuse to wear clothes that make me uncomfortable. Because I won’t grow my hair long. Because I don’t look the way society thinks a woman ought to. I’ve weathered questions in the bathroom, though not gracefully. I’ve ignored disapproving stares from those older than me, and laughter that breaks out when my back is turned by those who are younger.

I am one of the lucky ones.

I know how to take the temperature in the room before I touch my partner’s hand at a restaurant. I gauge strangers around me before taking her hand outside. I take a more feminine-looking friend with me to public bathrooms so I have someone to vouch for me, and I avoid bathrooms as much as possible when alone.

I am one of the lucky ones, but so many aren’t. So many of us have been beaten and murdered for being the only thing we can be: ourselves. It’s everywhere, in my community, in yours. No one gets to avoid homophobia, though some of us are luckier than others.

I’ve been lucky, by all counts. There are plenty of people who have it much worse than I do. But luck is all it is. We are all the lucky ones, we who remain. But how long until our luck runs out?

There is no other choice than to go on, to keep moving forward, to keep being who we are and to honor those who lost their lives doing the same.

Stonewall Inn, NYC

New Orleans, LA

San Francisco, CA

Humboldt, NE

Atlanta, GA

Laramie, WY

Roanoke, VA

Galveston, TX

Port Bolivar, TX

Orlando, FL

(This is nowhere near an exhaustive list, and neither is this much longer one on Wikipedia.)

Where’s the Love for Series?

Marilyn by Andy Warhol.

I love me a good series. Like, really love it. Love, love, love, love, loooooove it! I want to take that series out and marry it, I love them that much.

It should come as no surprise, then, to find out that my first novel was the first in a trilogy. To me, a meaty story is something to seek out, something to enjoy over multiple books. Yes, it’s awful to have to wait for the next one to come be published, but not much compares with the excitement of the latest installment in your favourite story finally seeing the light of day.

So why does this seem to be such a rarity in lesfic? Sure, series exist, but it seems many readers avoid them like the plague. This was something that really surprised me when my first book was published and I became privy to what reader tastes are like in a way I hadn’t been before. It seems that not everyone shares my enthusiastic over-exuberance for the series. Many readers a neat little story that wraps up in one book.

On the one hand, I guess I kind of get it. As lesbians, we’re accustomed to seeing those like us killed off or have all manner of horrible things happen in popular culture. Lesbians have been getting a cultural raw deal for a while now, so when we have stories by us and for us, we want our happily ever afters and we don’t want to wait for them. But not every story needs romance. Beyond that, romance isn’t that cut and dried in real life. I know we’re looking for an escape from real life, but sometimes complicated can be interesting. Right?

My trilogy (On Deception’s Edge, books 1 and 2 are already out, book 3: Vortex of Crimson is out this October) is a series. It has what some people might call cliffhangers, but what I prefer to call too much story for one book. There is one romance that works its way through all three novels. My main protagonists deal with all sorts of challenges to their love, but being able to watch them grow and mature into their love was a privilege to author.

And there are other fantastic lesfic series out there too, mine is certainly not the be-all and end-all! Heather Rose Jones’ Alpennia series is fantastic, and I’m awaiting the release of Mother of Souls (book 3) with *so* much anticipation and glee. I was recently talked into starting Fletcher DeLancey’s The Caphenon. I love it so much that I’m very stoked there are two more in that series to go! Jean Stewart’s Isis series is still one of my favs, though I’m incredibly bummed that there don’t seem to be more coming out.

So how about it… If you’re not into series, maybe you can help me understand why. And if you are, what are some of your favourites? I’ve listed all SF/F because that’s what I like to read most. Which ones have I missed there, or what series do you really love in other genres?

How to Stalk Yourself Online

I wrote a post a couple months ago about how I occasionally google myself. Okay, so maybe it’s actually more than occasionally, but that’s not the point. After writing that post, I heard from a couple new authors who talked about how they hadn’t considered doing such a thing, so now I’m here to bare my soul before you all and describe all the ways I stalk myself online.

Despite the fact that it feels somewhat distasteful to look myself up, I was able to get my first big review by looking myself and my work up. I was able to find where a book blogger had commented that the synopsis of my book sounded good and they wanted to read it. I reached out to them and offered them a review copy. This was with Depths of Blue, my first novel, and this was right after the book dropped. I ended up with a decent number of eyes on it as a result, so it’s a good thing to do, no matter how weird it feels.

I mostly use Google when tracking (very little) chatter that’s going on around my work. I do have a Google Alert set up, but I find that it hasn’t been particularly successful. I almost never get notifications from it, even though I find mentions in other ways.

There is a service called Mention, that I use, and it’s not too bad. The free version only allows you to track one set of keywords, so I have that set to my name. During the trial period, I could track up to five sets, which was nice. I had it set to my name and the various titles of my books, but then the trial period ended, and I couldn’t afford anything but the free version. Mention is nice because it also tracks some social networks, such as Twitter, which Google Alerts certainly doesn’t seem to.

Even with those tools, I’ve still gotten my best results through simple Googling. I’m pretty fortunate in that my name is rather unique. I do get my best results when I search my name as a phrase, so enclosed in double quotes a la “Lise MacTague.” If I don’t use quotes, I get back too much crap. Another thing I do is to occasionally search using close misspellings of my name, i.e. “Lisa MacTague.” I’ve run across a few things that way, both online and on Twitter. Finally, I also will occasionally search the titles of my books as a phrase, and I throw my last name on the search for good measure. It looks something like this: “Depths of Blue” MacTague. There’s so much text floating around on the internet, that it’s important to make sure you’re throwing the appropriate keywords together for the best results.

It doesn’t hurt to try a couple of search engines if you have the time to kill. Searching social media (FaceBook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc…) is also worth taking a look at.

It’s never too early to start stalking yourself online. However, after you’ve been out there for a while, you’ll find that your results lists start junking up pretty badly. It takes more effort to weed through the search results to find things you’re actually interested in, instead of the depressing numbers of sites claiming to offer your work as a free download. I got a little obsessed with it when Depths  first came out and forced myself to cut back, which made me a lot happier. Now, I do a cursory googling every other day or so, and take a look on one social media site a week.

So that’s it. I’d love to hear of other tools and techniques the rest of you are using.

My plan for 2016

Wow, so the past couple of posts on here have been major downers! I’m not usually such a wet blanket, but it has been a difficult couple of months. Let’s talk about something a little more hopeful today, specifically what I have planned for the year! Yes, we’re already over three months into 2016 (where does the time go?), and the basic outline for the year has already changed.

For the first time, I have a couple of things going that are under contract. It’s been a different experience than writing on my own timeline, that’s for sure. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Anyway, the first half of my year is being taken up with polishing Five Moons Rising for delivery to Bella Books. I’m also on the hook for a romantic short story with them.

You’ve probably heard me bemoaning my lack of comfort with writing short work, and this is the year where I’m determined to kick some of that. In addition to the romantic story I’m working on for Bella’s anthology, I’ve also been working on one which will be freely available on my website. It’s called Touched and is a little hard to explain. I’ll go into it more in a future. I’d like to have a writing sample available for potential readers, something a little less of a commitment than a trilogy.

So that’s the first half of my year buttoned up. Once I’ve bundled my brand new work and short story off to Bella, I’ll be returning to Touched to get it all polished and available for reading.

So what’s going on with the second half of my year? That I’m not quite certain about. The only thing I know for certain is that I’ll be working with my editor on Vortex of Crimson, which is out in October (blurb available now). Aside from that is where my plan gets wishy-washy. I’d like to work on another short story, and I also want to start another full-length novel.

Actually, start is a little bit of a misnomer. In the hopper are two partially-written novels, and a novella which I could easily expand to novel length. The big question is which one do I go for, or do I start something new? The part of me who really likes new projects is all for going for a new one. The part of me that likes accomplishing things tells me I should work on one of those I’ve already gotten underway, or for which I’ve developed an outline. (I have even more novels outlined than I have started, FYI.)

Eagerly awaiting my attention are a high fantasy novel that started out as a retelling of Snow White but has strayed pretty far afield, an urban fantasy about a half-demon archivist, and a prequel to the On Deception’s Edge trilogy, though that one is less prequel and more story set in the same universe about 300 years before Jak ever took a bead on Torrin. I have a list longer than my arm of projects I’d like to start. Suffice it to say I won’t run out of story ideas any time soon.

And all this is on top of a full-time job, family life, and ice hockey. I’m confident I can get to all of it, all I have to do now is decide which all of it I want to do.

I Google Myself and it Makes Me Sad, Sometimes

Taken by Fanghong (Own work) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AYarlungZangbo5.jpg

I have a secret. I Google myself on a regular basis. Okay, so maybe I gave that away in the title, but it still feels slightly shameful, like I’m going out of my way to look for accolades. I’m not… well not really.

I started Googling myself right after Depths of Blue came out. At that time, I was interested to see if anyone even noticed it. Depths is my debut novel, and I’m still so new to this whole writing thing that I squeak when I turn around. I figure I can be forgiven a little bit for my youthful enthusiasm. It was neat to see the book show up in one place after another. My first Amazon review was a thrilling time. Googling also turned out to be a pretty good tool. I was able to get a copy into the hands of someone who’d expressed passing interest, which turned into my first review on a blog. So it was all good.

And no, this wasn’t where I became sad. I suppose everyone dreams that they’ll blow up overnight, but that hasn’t shown much sign of happening. I’m not exactly a household name, not even in the lesbian community. However, women are finding my novels and enjoying them, and there’s a lot of gratification to that. There’d be a lot of gratification with a nice juicy royalties cheque also, I’m not ashamed to admit as much. I’m not there yet, but one day, I may approach respectable. For now, I have a full time job that pays the bills, so I don’t have to worry too much about such things.

So why does Googling sometimes make me sad, you ask? The first time I noticed Depths available as a free download from someone other than my publisher or their distributors, I was rather taken aback. I quickly saw that those sites didn’t actually have my book available and I was able to breathe.

And then it hit the Torrent sites.

The first Torrent was even somewhat gratifying. I  actually thought to myself “Hey, that’s cool, someone cares enough to pirate this!”

And then it showed up on another Torrent site. And another. And another. It took a few months for that to happen, and I’m sure Heights of Green is due to get the Torrent treatment any time soon. That isn’t gratifying. It’s frustrating as hell.

I know the arguments in favor of pirating people’s intellectual property. All of those poor authors are getting exposure they wouldn’t get otherwise. Exposure is great, but it doesn’t put bread on the table.

“Wait,” you say, “what about the part where you said you have a full time job so you don’t need the money?”

Maybe I don’t need the money from my books to survive, not right now. One day, I’d like to think I could retire from librarianship and write full time. I could write two major projects a year and have the time to engage with my readers, without having to sacrifice time with my family. Pirated copies make that much less likely.

And maybe people are reading the books who wouldn’t have otherwise, but that wasn’t my choice. That’s what it all boils down to for me. It’s all about my choice for my work. This year I plan to release a short story on my website as a free download. Those readers who have discovered my work already will get a little bonus story, and those who don’t know much about me (which is a lot of people!) will get the chance to sample my writing without plunking down $9.99. So I’m not opposed to making my work available for free, but I want it to be on my terms, as is my right.

Torrent sites not only rob me of sales, but they rob me of the choice of what to do with my own work. Frankly, I object to the latter even more than the former. Depths of Blue represents months of my life. I’m proud of my efforts and I want people to be able to share that. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to gain some recompense for the time and the effort I put into it. I think it’s even less to ask that I be the one to make the choice of how my work is accessed.

Googling myself has become a double-edged sword. I run across new readers and opportunities, but these days I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop for Heights. And on that day, I’ll be sad again.

Emotions

I had to put one of my cats to sleep yesterday. It tore me up. It’s still tearing me up. Abby was a wonderful cat, a little squirrelly, but what cat isn’t. She was cheerful and loving. All you had to do was look at her and she started purring.

One of the perks I’ve told myself about writing is that it’s an opportunity to take those pesky emotions and really drill down into them. Feel them from the inside out, then turn them loose on the page. It’s funny how you can tell yourself these sorts of lies and still be torn inside out when bad things happen. There’s no arms-length, no clinical detachment. Being an author isn’t giving me any kind of armor against what I’m going through right now. If anything, I now have too many words to describe what I’m feeling.

The only thing I’m learning about grief from all of this is that it’s like a painting overlaid another on a canvas. Each brushstroke of loss is affected by the ones below it. Mourning Abby is making me go through losing my father all over again. It’s different this time, more distant, but he’s right there with Abby as I wonder how I’ll get by without them.

Abby was the younger of my two cats. She was supposed to be around for a while yet, while the old lady – Laces – slowly declines. Laces is closer to 20 than to 19. She’s supposed to be sick and frail., and once she was gone Abby and I would muddle along without her somehow. But Abby pulled a fast one. So I’m already seeing the underpainting for the next piece. When Laces goes, I’m going to be a wreck. I have people who love me and it definitely helps, but the painting still needs to be finished, no matter how painful it is.

Maybe I’ll be able to look back when I have some more distance. I’ll look back and say that grief is like a smothering blanket, or a cocoon. It’s like a cold forcefield. An empty room with no doors. Maybe it’s all those things, and I will have something I can spin into my stories.

Or maybe I’ll look back and realize there’s a chunk of time missing from my life, like the 6 months I lost after my father died. I guess only time will tell.

Review of Depths of Blue

The new year is already cranking. I can’t believe we’re already halfway through January! At this rate, we’ll be at the end of 2016 before I know it.

I have exciting things planned for this year, if I don’t blink and miss it, that is. I’ll tell you all about that in an upcoming post, I promise. My one and only New Year’s resolution for 2016 is to post here a *minimum* of once a month, but I’m shooting to post twice-monthly. No, this post doesn’t count! I have some things I need to mull over in a public forum, because what better place is there for such things?

To tide you over, since I know you’re absolutely frothing at the mouth to know what’s going on in my writing life, I wanted to let you know I’ve received a fabulous review from The Lesbian Review (.com). I’ve never had anything I’ve done called brilliant before, and yet, Depths of Blue was called just that!

Don’t believe me? Well, here’s the quote: “This novel is absolutely brilliant. I am ecstatic to find out that she has already written book two in the series and that she is busy with another novel.” More nice things that were said include “This is absolutely a must-read novel. It has everything you could want in a novel including: a decent length, fantastic writing, a good pace, an unexpected turn or two, great characters and a romance.” and “Lise MacTague has a really refreshing take on this genre. Her world is well created and different enough to make it interesting.”

You heard it here first, and you’ll hear more, from me anyway.

The Happs

I’ve got a lot going on right now, so it’s hard to know where to begin. Okay, most exciting news first.

Heights of Green is out! That’s right, Jak and Torrin’s adventure continues. If you’ve been champing at the bit to find out what happens with our two intrepid heroes, your wait is over. Check out this excerpt!

Plus, I’m giving two copies away over on Goodreads.

Goodreads Book Giveaway


Heights of Green
by Lise MacTague

Giveaway ends November 27, 2015.

See the giveaway details

at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

You only have a few days left to enter, so if you’re on Goodreads, check it out now!!!

I’m very excited, but it’s taken me about a week to tell you guys about the release. It was actually available on Bella Books’ website since the 16th. I’ve been so focused on finishing the first draft of Five Moons Rising, that I’ve had time for little else on the writing front. I need to figure out my timing on things a bit better. The self-promotional aspects of this gig are still new and uncomfortable to me.

But!!! I did finish the first draft of Five Moons this past Sunday. I’m letting it percolate a little before starting my first round of re-writes. I have lots of things I need to add in, and possibly some trimming to do. There are definitely sections that need to be re-worded. Once I’ve done that, the book will head off to my Beta readers; I’m not going to inflict the first draft on anybody, that would be cruel.

Speaking of Beta readers, I’ve lost a couple. If you or anyone you know wants to beta a rip-roaring (literally) lesbian werewolf tale, contact me.

There are other things happening. I’m on the hook for a couple of guest blog posts, and I’d like to try my hand at another short story or two. I want something to post on my website to give people new to my work a little taste of it. I’ve had some things on my mind, too. Now that my time is a little freed up for the next few weeks, I want to put up a couple more blog posts here.

And hockey season has started, so my weekends are starting to fill with games and practices. And the holidays… Etc, etc…

So that’s all for me. What’s new with you all?