Apollo Blake's Blog, page 3

In The Trees, The Air, Everywhere But Here

 I'm still committed to bringing this blog back to life. Today at some point I want to edit and reformat some of my book pages with updated information and stuff, but for right now I figured a new post would be much better than nothing. Being an author is weird; I really don't like doing admin stuff but if I don't I feel weirdly restless and frustrated, so, there's gotta be a balance to be struck there.

I've been watching The Orville and while I can understand why season one got some harsh reviews (some of the jokes go on too long or feel too pointless, some of the worldbuilding details are too unspecified and unexplored) but for the most part I love it. The episodes with Liam Neeson (just a cameo) and Charlize Theron (carried her entire episode) were fantastic. Pria was an amazing character, it looks from TV Tropes like the fans wanted her to return but she never did, I figured throughout the entire episode it felt almost like a backdoor pilot for a spinoff she could carry.

I would love to work on a space union crew exploring the galaxy, having adventures, sure (who wouldn't, right, it feels redundant to even say so) BUT I know I would have bad luck and would be stuck wearing a color I don't like. Like, the green jackets on the Orville look amazing. And that one general in a purple jacket? Stunning. But the red and blue look a little patchy and cheap to me. And I'd never wear the yellow ones, I'd mutiny if I had to.

I made a playlist the other day for Atrocity, the sequel to Divinity, and I'm excited to start working on that. I do have a couple other projects I'm going to finish first, including a round of edits on Divinity. I don't know when the new edition will be out, since I've only edited half of chapter one, but it's already so much cleaner and more professional than it was.

I don't think the book was bad before by any means, but it's amazing I figured it was publishable with so many clunky sentences and fragments and weird phrasings. I am having a lot of fun giving it more professional shine. My writing and tastes have levelled up since I published this book back in 2017, but then again the entire world has changed so drastically since then that kind of figures. A plague and a war and a bunch of other stuff happened. Is happening. That's the crazy thing; it feels like it's in the past but we're all still living it, it's just become the daily reality so we barely second-guess it. It's hard to fathom totally.

This morning I made a list of author things I have to do today. Most of them revolve around Digital Demon (which is still available on Wattpad here!) and formatting the ebook for it. I have to spruce up my personal template and watch a couple of tutorials on ebook formatting.

I see such a big difference in quality between my formatting and the stuff in other ebooks so obviously the goal is to bridge that gap. Figure out how to add illustrations/images for my chapter breaks so I can include exclusive art, figure out how to space and format the margins better so it doesn't look as compacted or jarring on-screen, that sort of thing. They're fine details I'm sure a lot of readers don't pay much attention to, but they add up quickly.

My dream is to afford Vellum, but that's very expensive software, at least when you're broke, which I am. It sure looks intuitive and fun, though. Intuitive software suits me best, anything that looks ugly or too complex for no reason is instantly off-putting, but if something is designed with a very nice intuitive layout and I can learn it by using it instead of watching a billion tutorials, then we're rolling. Vellum seems like one of those programs. Design and user experience need to be focused on as much as function when you're trying to create a tool for mass-use.

Anyway, that's what I'm focusing on today; making Digital Demon more available in more forms to more people. And I figure part of that is singing its praises, so I might have another post about it later, because I want more people to read it, because it took a long time and I think it's good.

I put off editing that story for so long but I like the way it turned out a lot, so maybe that's a sign I should stop listening to my writer's block so much and just trust my own voice, right?

I watched Kiki's Delivery Service for the 30th time today and I cried again, multiple times. It just gets me like that. It's a quiet movie but so relatable. Kiki losing the ability to understand Gigi leaves me sobbing every time.

When Kiki says to Osono "I'm still a witch in training, so if I can't do magic I've lost everything!" it hits so hard because I've totally been there, as have most people: when you rest your entire identity and personhood and purpose of existence on one thing, and then it's taken from you? That rocks you to your core and can truly be such a hollowing and shocking experience you really feel like all is lost, all hope has fled.

For me that was placing my entire identity and personhood on being an artist, an author, and then when I got writer's block and stopped writing for years it basically gave me a nervous breakdown. I had no clue who I was or what worth I had without writing and being successful at it, and I felt like I'd failed utterly on every level. So I had to relearn who I was and develop my sense of identity and worth in other ways. But writing again definitely still feels like flying again, especially when I get into the all-encompassing flow state where you're flying by the seat of your pants, or I guess by how fast you can type, and you know nothing can ever slow you down or touch you. That fire. That's magic.

I'm gonna go try to write something and cook up some magic, but then once I get my daily words in, it's time for formatting and watching tutorials and the likes.

Oh, and Digital Demon is good and you should read it. It only has like 26 reads as of this writing compared to Shadows of Ourselves which has 80 thousand, so obviously that's a pretty big discrepancy. Of course Shadows is a much longer and much better book than Digital Demon, but I still want Demon to have its moment! So please check that out here.

Or keep an eye on this space for free epub/pdf downloads to appear later!

Life, Signs, Reasons, Snow & Fresh Starts

 I somehow didn't post for an entire year. It was probably for a million reasons. I had big plans, but most of them fell through. I didn't have anything to talk about, or so much I wanted to talk about I got anxious and psyched myself out of it. I had a billion dumb thoughts that I posted to Instagram stories instead of blogging about. People and animals died. Life lost its meaning for a while, and I lost the threads.

Lately I've been reminiscing about how much I used to blog. I really loved it. It didn't matter how many or how few people read it; a blog post could get two views and I was still getting joy out of it. I still love reading old blog posts from years ago.

I am writing. In little bursts here and there. And I did publish a novella a while back, called Digital Demon. Which you can read on Wattpad, right here!

The basic premise is that a demon comes out of a guy's computer and tries to eat him.

It took me two years to get around to editing that story; I wrote it in November or Dec 2020. I cannot believe it took me so long to stop procrastinating and obsessing over it and just force myself to edit it. But editing it took it from like six thousand words to around 12k or higher. I don't remember the final wordcount, but it went from short story to novella and got a couple new scenes that really got me excited about the story again. In the end it only took a few days to edit it, I just wish it hadn't taken like two years to get around to those days, but such is clinically depression!

Basically I have a lot going on right now and I don't want to talk about any of it in great detail and jinx myself. But what I can talk about is that I'm downloading Final Fantasy 7 Remake to replay it, but it's making my internet slow as hell.

And I can tell you that I'm watching Troy: Fall of A City. It's been pretty corny so far but the main actor playing Paris/Alexander is hot, so I'll keep watching. The sets are nice too. The costumes feel weird, like they should have had some of the actors/characters switch wardrobes honestly. And I don't know if the actress playing Helen of Troy is serving what she needs to, she seems kind of alien. Either way I'm gonna continue with it.

But first I'm gonna grab some snacks and figure out what project I want to work on next. I'm gonna watch some Community and do some sketching while I do that, though.

The 100 Novel Review

3.5 out of 5 stars rounded up! This was a lot of fun!

The 100 is one of my favorite tv shows. I've seen it at least three or four times, and I just started a new rewatch because I was looking for some comfort and nostalgia. Honestly it's one of the best sci-fi shows out there. And I enjoyed the first season of the show much more than this book, but it was still fun seeing another take on these characters; like when your teacher in elementary school tells everyone to draw a monster or a tree, so you can see how everybody executes the same ideas differently.

The show and novel were both the idea of an editor at Alloy Entertainment, and each were developed separately, at the same time. It's the same general idea: 100 delinquents are sent to earth from a space station, and must survive the ground and learn its secrets, while back on their station, infrastructure breaks down and things become more and more desperate and menacing.

The novel has its own neat surprises though. I enjoy Luke and Glass who are clearly variants of Finn and Raven, respectively. Octavia is a drug addict in the book, a plot that went to Clarke's mother Abbey in season 6 of the show, and funny enough, in the show it's partially Octavia who helps snap her out of it (although everyone else helps, including Jackson, who doesn't exist in the book.)

The 'criminal delinquents' are much tamer in the book, while the show amps up the Lord of The Flies shit to, well, to 100.

That said, I enjoyed Wells having a much expanded role, the love triangle between Clarke, Wells, and Bellamy, (she only has a platonic relationship with them in the show) and the different vibes on the Ark, which here in the novel is just The Colony.

Easily the best part of the book is Kass Morgan's use of short chapters that end with a barb to keep you hooked. I really enjoyed the threads of tension and glimpses at the backstories of each character, especially Clarke. Glass's past and actions were the most interesting to me and I was always rushing to get to the Clarke and Glass chapters, even though I liked Bellamy and Well's narration enough as well.

I kind of can't wait to read the next one, but it will have to wait, since I have way too many books on the go. That said I'm definitely going to continue this series. I loved this and it felt like high-quality fanfiction. That cliffhanger will kill me until I read the second installment! 

The Impossible

I spent most of the morning rewatching The 100. I'm on episode five so far, but I never get tired of this show. It's distracting me from my brother and sister-in-law's crazy dog Otis who I am babysitting while they're on vacation, and who has way too much energy for me to cope with right now. I try to keep him entertained but he's honestly bored by me and only cares about our dad, who is not going to be home for hours. In the meantime I'm distracting myself by trying to build up some work ethic and get some writing done.

I came up with titles for the next few books in the Divinity series: I already knew books 2 and 3 would be called Atrocity and Calamity respectively, but today I came up with titles for the rest of them. I don't want to share them yet but they're perfect.

Some kind of animal trekked through our yard last night. It had to be something big judging by the size of the prints. I think it was a big cat, like a cougar or lynx. I hope it was a lynx because cougars scare me more. I also hope I never encounter it.

It ran in circles around the thicket outside my window, then went up our back hill into the woods. I really hope it doesn't veer back this way because I don't want it lurking around, but I followed the tracks like a dumb person in a horror movie (I took a metal shovel with me in case I had to take a swing at something, but still)... I have no idea how our ancestors hunted shit like that. No thanks, I'm all good on the killer kitty front.

I spent all day yesterday reading the new run of Buffy comics. It's 34 issues and it's really good. I honestly hope they put out more.

I've only seen a few seasons of Buffy, but I genuinely love it. I never thought Xander would be my favorite character when Buffy is right there, but God, he won me over. He's an amazing guy in this run, at least for most of it, and some of his storylines are heartbreaking. He was a devoted slayer (even though he's not an official slayer, 'cause they're always badass ladies, not gents.)

I also finished Fables. Finally. 151 issues, give or take. I might read the 'Fairest' spin-off soon too, but I want to read the Buffy spinoff 'Angel' first. His comic and Buffy's had a crossover event called Hellmouth that was pretty good, but it's really part of the main Buffy storyline.

If most of this seems like mundane, boring stuff, it's because I was trying to distract myself from the hellscape on the news. Between the pandemic, the war, and all the political stuff going on, I've been so stressed about everything and the constant stream of exposure to bad news hasn't helped, so burying myself in fiction for the last few days is a familiar old coping mechanism. Especially since it's hard to focus on work with my brother's crazy dog running around here anyway, let alone what's going on in the world.

I will say I'm incredibly impressed by folks in Ukraine fighting for their freedom and country, as well as the protestors in Russia standing up to that jackass Putin. Vladdy-boy really thought his warmongering propaganda would work, but I think we're seeing humanity rise to the occasion.

I suppose that's all I've got for now: the world is insane, my house is in disarray and this dog is drooling and shedding everywhere. And a monster is lurking in the woods outside my window. But it's all good, maybe, hopefully.

I'm gonna get back to doing little scraps of editing and outlining work and hope I can pull my shit together, and the world will pull its shit together.

Until then, back to watching The 100 and trying not to get eaten alive by a cougar. Or a lynx.

Procrastination Nation

 Things I did this week that were not writing or editing:

Replayed Horizon Zero Dawn
Cleaned out my wood stove
Started 3-4 fires in said stove
Watched art vlogs (by ImAWonder and Caro Arevelo)
Listened to old music
Listened to new music
Cleaned my floors
Complained about writer's block in my journal
Complained about not journaling enough in my journal
Wrote this listAnd now I'm going to try and actually do some work. I don't know why it's so hard to get things moving. But once they do they usually stay that way for a while, so that's something, right?

Animated Review Banner

 A new animated review banner I made in Canva :) Let's hope this displays nicely on Goodreads, lol.

Review Banner 2022

Fallen Angels and Random Pitfalls: An Update

Once in a while things get very overwhelming and I tend to shut down and focus on the bare minimum tasks I feel are most important, and one of the things that falls by the wayside is this blog which very few of my readers actually keep up with - on the one hand, it means a lot of people don't actually read this information, but on the other, it means I get to post as many of my insane rantings and ravings as I like without being chased down with torches and pitchforks, and I'm okay with that.
That said, last time I posted a blog here it was NaNoWriMo, and I was very much looking forward to writing my sci-fi book The First Instinct. But since then plans have changed. I switched novels during NaNo to a paranormal romance called Sharp Hollows, but right now that's taken a backseat too. Mainly because NaNoWriMo was a total bust.
Also because I decided I should probably edit and release some other things before I start working on brand new full-length novels. For example, my short story Be Not Afraid!
Be Not Afraid was written, like, last November or December. It's a year old, and I'm kicking myself for not editing and releasing it sooner. I wrote two angel/demon themed short stories back to back, and this is one of them. You can find it's Goodreads Page here. It's a very anime vibe for me personally, with a giant spooky monster, a cool epic fight scene, and it feels very episodic/monster of the week to me, even though it's a standalone. At least for now.
Here's the cover:

And I also added a page for it here on the blog. It will be up on Wattpad for free and maybe on this blog too, on it's official book/title page. I am looking to put out a couple more free stories in the coming weeks just because I have two or three I think would be really suited to it, and since right now I can't publish on certain retailers before the New Year (I've gotta get some new documents, rectify all my information on all my accounts, set up accounts with new distributors, etc) I might as well share things the only way I can.
Be Not Afraid, Digital Demon, and CerbIm: Blackout are the stories I'm thinking will be free, but for now keep an eye peeled for an update post where I share Be Not Afraid with official links and stuff.
I had a computer problem the other night and had to reset my PC and while I was doing so I decided I should upgrade to the new version of Scrivener because I was stuck on an outdated one. Scrivener 3 is amazing so far. I'm just hoping my payment actually goes through (it's still processing, and it should be fine, but these things make me nervous, lol) but so far I'm having fun exploring it! Even the thumbnail/taskbar icon is prettier.
In any news I'm spending Christmas morning editing this story and getting it ready, while I drink a little too much vodka, so I wanted to share the cover, aesthetic board, and some more news. I'm sure I've mentioned Be Not Afraid on this blog before, but it felt only proper to give it a real, focused introduction.
I hope your writing and reading goals are all successful and fun this holiday season! Much love, and Merry Xmas from me and mine. :)
 

NaNoWriMo Once More

 Finally. FINALLY. It is November.

I'm not going to lie, I had no idea whether or not I was going to participate in NaNoWriMo this year, but of course, here I am. It seems I can't resist the siren song of a fresh, shiny new idea. And NaNoWriMo always makes me nostalgic. It's comforting and familiar and nostalgic and honestly just what I need right now. I haven't written in weeks and I can't keep trying to force myself to edit with no results, so my approach needs to change.

I'm hoping that enjoying a familiar, fun writing challenge and writing a new standalone this month will help me get out of this weird personal funk I've been in and help with my recent bout of stubborn writer's block.

In this case writer's block is kind of code for 'heavy depressive episode' but that's just life. Weirdly enough everyone I know is dreading late fall and winter because of seasonal depression but I like early winter when it all feels fresh and clean and everything is coated in snow and ice, the frost is beautiful to me and just freshens everything up. I'm hoping it will help once it gets colder.

Also my NaNo project this year is THE FIRST INSTINCT an MM enemies to lovers romance about a bounty hunter and a criminal in the near-future/semi-futuristic setting of Belltower City, in the year 2035.

I'm kind of picturing it at least visually as being like the Minority Report tv show. It only got one season, but I liked the balance between future and present tech, fashion, etc. It's futuristic, but not insanely so, or in a corny way. It's that whole 'fifteen minutes into the future' approach. And I'm doing a Scooby-Doo type mystery where the baddie tries to pass as a spooky scary monster! I guess it's Scream by the way of Minority Report and Scooby-Doo.

I'll post more tomorrow when I have an actual wordcount and stuff, but in the meantime, the main characters names are Reese Hamilton and Yosef. Yosef has no last name yet, but that shall be remedied.

Restless Summer Chronicles

 It's been a long, weird summer, and I almost forgot it was summer at all until the other day the realization came to me that I haven't been swimming at all. I don't think I went swimming last summer either. It used to be my favorite part of the season. And now fall is right around the corner. But life gets in the way of simple things sometimes. It's been a hell of a last few months.

The other day the YouTube algorithm spat this song at me: Crush by Ethel Cain. I think it might be one of the best things I've heard in my whole life. It's been on repeat for that reason alone, but the music video itself is also really good.

I just can't get it out of my head. Something's been feeling weird lately, there's just something about you baby, maybe I'll just be crazy, and piss him off 'till he hates me...

Writing has been sort of happening? But not as much or as often as I like. I began editing the first of two short stories in a series which I have drafted the other night and I'm going to finish editing it today. I want to publish both of those online for free. Eventually I'll probably throw them on Amazon or other distributers for 99 cents, but probably not for another few months. Unless things move faster than I'm anticipating, but some things are just out of my hands for annoying reasons. My general plan is to make a blog for these two stories, give them and their world its own little corner where you can read them on their site or just download ebooks/pdfs for free.

I have a dentist's appointment soon and they just sent me the email to confirm I'm still coming, which I am, and which is very scary and weird to me. Actually, I'm excited and scared. Chaotic combo.

The thing is Canada covers other forms of healthcare but not dentistry. Other medical stuff I need is subsidized heavily so I still have to pay for some bits and pieces, but the cost is heavily reduced so I pay small fees. Not dental stuff, though. So it could be hundreds of dollars for an exam/cleaning. But I'm HOPING they'll remove a tooth. They don't guarantee extractions so who knows, but it's half-chipped and rotting and it annoys me. Which reminds me, I have to message my cousin and ask which gum disease she was just diagnosed with, because it runs on the paternal side of the family and both our dads have messed up teeth, and the way mine are going, I think I take after them.

The last dentist's office I had was really rude and condescending and I think that's part of why I'm nervous. It was only one doctor and his assistant who were like that - everyone else was nice, but still. Lingering anxiety.

I have lingering anxiety about everything though, so that's normal. I hear cars drive around the area I live in right now and that gives me anxiety. Why? Hell if I know. A million reasons. But it all compounds and makes it hard to do anything.

Earlier I attempted to make noodles, but failed miserably. It hurt it a lot that I was out of milk and the recipe called for a cup of it. That said I'm still hungry as hell so I have to choose what to make soon and I've got no idea and no real preference. Everything seems equally gross. Except garlic rolls. But those would require some good sauce, which I also don't have. So here I am, frustrated, hungry, with a sore jaw and a chipped tooth, and no idea what to eat.

I don't wanna say it's a bad day, but it's certainly not a good one. I'm kind of over this summer. I wish it was fall already. Or winter. Winter is amazing.

~

Okay, new development: I found sauce. I cooked those garlic fingers. Then I saw the sauce had expired months ago. Then I ate the garlic fingers anyway. I ended up trying Greco's new hamburger pizza that night and...it was a hard no from me. Total pass. The hamburger was grey and kind of rubbery, and the pizza just wasn't good. I do love Greco's sauce and crust though; the parmesan crust is deadly.

I also ended up going to my dentist's appointment; it cost $350 bucks to extract that tooth. It took thirty minutes, two forms of painkiller, a drill, and it was a very scary, weird experience. It wasn't that bad though; the dentist and his assistant were very nice, polite, and professional here. It was a bit awkward because my small talk skills are non-existent, but I was so relieved.

The next morning I woke up and the first thing I felt was relief, and that's a new one for me. I knew the tooth was hurting me, and it was causing me stress, but I had underestimated just how much of my time and energy was spent either trying to take care of that gross rotting tooth to keep it from deteriorating further, or just worrying about the situation and my pain in general. Now all of that is gone at once, I feel like a weigh is off of my shoulders.

I no longer have to worry about the rot or pain, but I also have less trouble eating, keeping my mouth clean, etc.

I grabbed a new pair of shoes while I was out (green converse) bought some new boxers, grabbed a couple of books - I got Crossed and Reached by Ally Condie. Matched is one of my favorite books but I never read the sequels. I also grabbed The Silver Gate by Kristin Bailey for like three bucks at Giant Tiger. God Bless. I should've grabbed more books while I was there but I wasn't aware my other favorite bookshop in the area was closed that day, so it was too late.

It was pretty hard avoiding solid food and smoking and coffee for like three days after my tooth was taken out, but by now it's healing (it's been two weeks since I wrote the first half of this blog) so I'm back on my bullshit. I had popcorn for the first time in that two weeks yesterday and it was amazing.

So yeah. My extraction went well and as usual none of my worst-case scenarios came true. It was a good day and it led to nothing but relief.

If you think that means I learned my lesson about imagining worst-case scenarios to stress over, though, you're delusional.

The next blog post will probably include an announcement or book release tidbit about CerbIm 1 & 2, so keep an eye out. ;D They're fun sci-fi shorts I've had sitting around since January begging me to edit them. So I am.

CerbIm 1: How To Save Your Cactus During A Futuristic Blackout

CerbIm 2: How To Fall In Love With Your Criminal Best Friend

Both of these stories are fun, cute, and flashy, and they'll both be out at around the same time. No more procrastinating for me.