Tsara Shelton's Blog, page 37

Autism Answer: Our Culture of Difference

My husband's reaction to our son's insightful essay was adorable.

Our youngest son brought home an essay he wrote at school, and knowing how much I love reading his (and his brothers') essays, he dropped it dramatically on my desk. "Here you go mom. You're welcome!" He spun away with a flourish and hid away in his room, as is his fourteen year old habit.

I read the essay, titled "My Culture, My Life" by Declyn Shelton, and loved it. As my hubby walked in the door, oil stained red rag and wrench in hand, I welcomed him home by reading the first paragraphs out loud. 

I read:

"My culture is influenced by so many people, my personality, and where I'm from. Each is an aspect of my life that define who I am.

The way my family is diversified helps me understand how much an individual can impact a life. My mom and my dad are two separate races, but love each other just the same. This shows me that race doesn't matter. It's the feelings you have for one another that does. Not all of my brothers have the same dad. My brothers Jory and Tyran have the same dad, but my other brother Shay has a different dad. This shows me that brothers are formed with bonding time not blood. My uncles are brothers, but have different families and ethnicity and different disabilities. This shows me that family is the closest bond ever.

My family shows me the path, but what I do and how I act shows me the direction. I'm kind and caring. I'll help those who need it because I don't mind going out of my way to help others. I show sentimentality to others by listening, helping, and treating others with respect."

I looked at my husband at this point and enjoyed purely his look of amazement. You see, he knows our children are brilliant and insightful, but he's not a reader. He's never read their ideas, so he's rarely experienced the boiled down poetic clarity of their brilliance.

"Did he get a one hundred grade on that?" he asked, feeling certain that the answer would be yes.

"A ninety-eight!" I answered with pride.

"What? That's a one hundred for sure. The teacher made a mistake. How could that not be a one hundred grade?"

I giggled and said, "Well, there are a few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. And a ninety-eight is practically a one hundred."

But my hubby wasn't laughing. "Do you think it's a mistake? The idea is a one hundred, grammar and spelling isn't as important as the idea."

I was loving this. "I agree, actually that's exactly what my book is about. But grammar and spelling are what he's being taught. Presenting his ideas in the clearest way, so they are understood and accepted by the largest numbers, that sort of thing."

"I sure hope it's not a prejudice thing," I heard him grumble. "That's a one hundred grade essay for sure."

I considered going on with my explanation. I considered explaining my honest belief that the teacher gave him the right grade and for the right reasons.

But I didn't. Because my hubby was also right. And it was beautiful to hear him say the things he was saying. Our son was hiding in his room but I heard him turn down the music, and I knew he was listening. I knew he was beaming.

We all were right.

And I believe that is why Declyn's essay is so insightful, and why Declyn is so kind and caring. Because he is surrounded by support and people who value each other and seek ways to highlight each others strengths.

Even if that means grumbling about mistakes and possible prejudice now and then when someone doesn't get one hundred percent.

Anyway, I remember when Jory was a baby and I had almost the exact same thoughts after he didn't win a cutest baby contest. I knew it was because someone else had connections, or they didn't want a brown baby winning, or a young single mom rubbed the judges the wrong way. I wasn't angry, just certain.

Sometimes it's okay to be silly and certain.

So I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed my husband's disagreement about the grade, and his swelled pride at our son's brilliance.

Because, even though the teacher's grade was fair, my husband was also right.

In our son's words, "Culture is influenced by so many people. Each is an aspect of life..."

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

 

Autism Answer: Fix it in Five, At Home

My youngest son and I were just snuggling on the bed and making silly jokes. It was fun. And then....

ME: I wonder if Dramma (my mom, his grandma) made it to Israel.

DECLYN: Is she doing her show there? Fix it in Five?

ME: You bet. This episode will be different than the other ones because it's a big family.

DECLYN: No matter what kind of family it is, Dramma will be amazing. I'm pretty sure she's the smartest person to help families. And her documentary show is probably the best one ever made.

ME: I think that too!! I love that you agree!!

DECLYN: Well, it's obvious. She loves all of the people she works with and she always knows how to help them. She goes all over the world because she wants to help them, not for ratings or whatever.

ME: That's all true. Plus, she's fun to watch and is an awesome storyteller.

DECLYN: And, she always has that big brain with her. It's fun to look at.

We were quiet and reflective for a moment. Then I admitted...

ME: I bet Dramma would love some good ratings though!

DECLYN: Then the whole world would be singing her catchy theme song!

We snuggled a bit more and imagined a world where everyone played with each other for healthy brain growth, and sang catchy brain tunes while driving!!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 


 Have a peek at this trailer for FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD. I hope you like the catchy tune!!!!
Update: For a limited time (Until Feb. 22, 2015) you can purchase the Director's cut, Season One of FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD!!! Follow this link to learn more, friends!!!!

SIX HOURS OF SHOW!!!! Never before seen footage! Director's Cut, Season One
FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD!!

Author's Note: Be sure to sign up for my mom's monthly updates so you can stay in The Loop ! I happen to know (largely because I put together the newsletter!) there there is a fantastic upcoming announcement for folks in The Loop . I really hope you're one of them!!! Sign up HERE!

Autism Answer: Good Listeners with Good Ideas

My sixteen year old son called me yesterday to let off some steam. He was walking home from school (which he left early because a teacher's aide was driving him nutty!) and he called to talk to me about the situation. To explain his reasoning. He had asked her to please stop treating him like a six year old child and she'd responded as though to a six year old child. So, he left. At the end of the talk he thanked me for being such a good listener with good ideas, and for being such a good mom.

My eighteen year old son called me yesterday as he was walking to the store to grab a treat for his ex-girlfriend, whom he lives with. He's moving out soon and she broke down crying. Her tears fell on him along with apologies, admissions of guilt, sudden insights of his kindnesses, and hope for a different outcome. My son held her, and though he made no promises for the future, he insisted on going out to get her her favorite sandwich. At the end of the talk he thanked me for being such a good listener with good ideas, and for being such a good mom.

I miss my sons when they are gone. Allowing them to find themselves has too often meant encouraging them to leave me. A lot of the time I feel on the verge of breaking, because they are so far away and I can't know that they are always happy or safe.

I called my twenty-one year old son yesterday as I was driving to pick his youngest brother up from school. I shared with him my feelings of vulnerability and how they are tied with my own fears of growing up. I know who to be when I'm mothering my sons, but I feel lost and untethered when they aren't here to need me. I told him how important I know it is for me to find myself, to discover a me that grows comfortably in this new phase of our lives, and how I'm mostly confident that I've done exactly that. Until certain songs come on the radio, or Family Guy quotes hit me unexpected, and then I'm filled with a missing of them so huge I can't hide from it. At the end of the talk I thanked him for being such a good listener with good ideas, and for being such a sweet son.

When my boys were little I wanted to teach listening, caring, supporting, and believing in each other. I had strong ideas that guiding my children was best done by example.

Now that they're bigger, they've helped me know that I was right!

So, I'm going to keep on loving my work, insisting on kindness, and being a good listener with good ideas.

That's how I'm going to try to always be a good mom.

(And hopefully the radio stations around here will not smack me in the heart too often by playing old Three Days Grace songs!)
tee hee!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: The Post-It Note Surprise

A few years ago I woke up one morning to see yellow post-it notes stuck here and there in our kitchen. On the dishes, on the cupboards, on the microwave, in the microwave, on the kitchen table, on my coffee maker. Each note was adorned simply with a different time. "3:13AM" "3:34AM" "3:44AM" "4:00AM" and so on.

I looked sleepily at my second youngest son, who was still awake and cleaning his roller-blades. Beside him was a yellow post-it pad.

"What's all this?" I asked, smiling and heading toward my coffee maker. Peeking curiously at the post-it note there I read "3:01AM".

 

"Oh, I cleaned all night, and left a record of what time it was when I finished cleaning each thing."

I turned away from my coffee maker with surprising ease and headed straight to my always-awake-all-night son. Sitting beside him I wordlessly took his hands from their roller-blade cleaning task, and wrapped him cozily in my arms. 


I spent the next few days telling family, friends, and strangers the lovely story. I spent the next few years craftily making callbacks and engaging with my kids in playful banter about the post-it note surprise.

Most sleepless nights my son would go through closets and drawers, making a creative mess. Or build a VHS tower of movies he wanted to watch, and then watch them all; one after the other after the other. Either way, most mornings I'd wake up to strange messes and a slightly cranky sleepless kid.

But my strongest and longest lasting wake-up memory is the post-it note surprise.


This reminds me that it's worth it, every time, to celebrate and enjoy and re-live those moments. The things we focus on most, the things we tell our family, friends, and strangers about most, are the things that live the longest and the loudest in our memory.

So, be an intentional storyteller! It's your life, and you have the power to create something pretty fantastical!!

Go ahead, stick that on a post-it note!
tee hee!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)