Tsara Shelton's Blog, page 28

Autism Answer: Do You Have A Book Like This In Your Home?

"MIRACLES ARE MADE leads you on an incredible emotional journey. Lynette Louise is an amazing woman who brings love, inspiration and hope to families of children on the autistic spectrum. A must read for every parent!" ~Alisa Wolf, M.Ed. -SPED, Executive Director/Founder Actors for Autism 

 Me and a book I love about a family I love; mine.
MIRACLES ARE MADE: A Real Life Guide to Autism still holds a place as one of my all time favorite books. Written by my mom I confess, I expected to roll my eyes and think things like "That's so mom." or "Who cares about us?" or "That story again?!"

But, no. I was moved, taught, guided, and newly in love with my adventurous pioneering family. Things that nobody would do because nobody was doing it, my mom did! She held our hands, kept a loving eye on how we were affected, and shifted course when her attentive and strange mind knew it was necessary. She always knew before things became a problem.

So, yes! It's "So mom," and thank goodness! Her out of the box brain, with the visions and the fairness and the love, love, love for all children, is unusual and beautiful and So Mom!

"Who cares about us?" We should! She reminds us why our unique family is uniquely valuable! Not because we're "cooler" or "better" but because we did it different, and it worked! 

"That story again?" The one where my brothers were said, by everyone who proposed to want to help them, to be useless and sad and pathetic and unhelpable yet my mom refused to see or understand such foolishness. And so she helped them, in unique ways that are not taught elsewhere, to never believe they (or anyone) is useless, sad, pathetic, or unhelpable. That story? Again! Please! 

"The parent is inevitably left as the final arbiter of what is good for the child, the final judge of what is and isn't helping. MIRACLES ARE MADE gives them the necessary background, and backbone, to level the playing field in the face of so many therapeutic options." ~Seigfried Othmer, Ph.D., Chief Scientist of the EEG Institute, President of the Brian Othmer Foundation, Author of ADD: The 20-Hour Solution

And she tells so many other stories! New ones I never knew from clients around the globe who she helped make their own miracles! Families with autism, Parkinson's, depression, ADHD, strokes, seizure disorders and much more. 

"In MIRACLES ARE MADE, my mom has shared with passion, humor and intelligence our lifetime of learning. The therapies, struggles and mistakes made along the road to independence for three of my four autistic brothers have become a gift for other moms. Other sisters. Other families. This book is a gift for anyone who spends any time at all with children!" ~Tsara Shelton, Writer & Coffee Sipper, Author of Spinning in Circles and Learning from Myself: A Collection of Stories that Slowly Grow Up 

MIRACLES ARE MADE: A Real Life Guide to Autism is a book about autism, love, family, neurofeedback, diversity, raising the bar and creative ideas. It's a book that I pick up and peruse again and again for inspiration and insight. 

I hope you have a book like that in your home!

If not, I invite you to take a peek at these: http://www.lynettelouise.com/book/
Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: Do You Have A Book In Your Home Like This?

"MIRACLES ARE MADE leads you on an incredible emotional journey. Lynette Louise is an amazing woman who brings love, inspiration and hope to families of children on the autistic spectrum. A must read for every parent!" ~Alisa Wolf, M.Ed. -SPED, Executive Director/Founder Actors for Autism 

 Me and a book I love about a family I love; mine.
MIRACLES ARE MADE: A Real Life Guide to Autism still holds a place as one of my all time favorite books. Written by my mom I confess, I expected to roll my eyes and think things like "That's so mom." or "Who cares about us?" or "That story again?!"

But, no. I was moved, taught, guided, and newly in love with my adventurous pioneering family. Things that nobody would do because nobody was doing it, my mom did! She held our hands, kept a loving eye on how we were affected, and shifted course when her attentive and strange mind knew it was necessary. She always knew before things became a problem.

So, yes! It's "So mom," and thank goodness! Her out of the box brain, with the visions and the fairness and the love, love, love for all children, is unusual and beautiful and So Mom!

"Who cares about us?" We should! She reminds us why our unique family is uniquely valuable! Not because we're "cooler" or "better" but because we did it different, and it worked! 

"That story again?" The one where my brothers were said, by everyone who proposed to want to help them, to be useless and sad and pathetic and unhelpable yet my mom refused to see or understand such foolishness. And so she helped them, in unique ways that are not taught elsewhere, to never believe they (or anyone) is useless, sad, pathetic, or unhelpable. That story? Again! Please! 

"The parent is inevitably left as the final arbiter of what is good for the child, the final judge of what is and isn't helping. MIRACLES ARE MADE gives them the necessary background, and backbone, to level the playing field in the face of so many therapeutic options." ~Seigfried Othmer, Ph.D., Chief Scientist of the EEG Institute, President of the Brian Othmer Foundation, Author of ADD: The 20-Hour Solution

And she tells so many other stories! New ones I never knew from clients around the globe who she helped make their own miracles! Families with autism, Parkinson's, depression, ADHD, strokes, seizure disorders and much more. 

"In MIRACLES ARE MADE, my mom has shared with passion, humor and intelligence our lifetime of learning. The therapies, struggles and mistakes made along the road to independence for three of my four autistic brothers have become a gift for other moms. Other sisters. Other families. This book is a gift for anyone who spends any time at all with children!" ~Tsara Shelton, Writer & Coffee Sipper, Author of Spinning in Circles and Learning from Myself: A Collection of Stories that Slowly Grow Up 

MIRACLES ARE MADE: A Real Life Guide to Autism is a book about autism, love, family, neurofeedback, diversity, raising the bar and creative ideas. It's a book that I pick up and peruse again and again for inspiration and insight. 

I hope you have a book like that in your home!

If not, I invite you to take a peek at these: http://www.lynettelouise.com/book/
Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Autism Answer: My Parenting Bonding Secret (It's so Simple!)

When there were three.
I was asked for my "Parenting Bonding Secret."

I laughed. It's no secret!! I tell everyone who'll listen. I write about it in books and blogs, and I annoy my hubby with it! 

I have four sons who are now mostly grown. It's true that we are uniquely bonded. I feel it. People comment on it often, sometimes even asking for tips. When my boys were little I didn't know why we were so close and I had a hard time explaining it. But eventually, after enough people asked and I tried to articulate it, and because I started writing "Autism Answers" here with you, I think I've figured it out. 

And it's really simple!

From the moment my sons were born I saw them as people with their own personalities, futures, and talents. I saw my mom role as being privileged to help them blossom, grow, and find those futures. 

I don't think of them as my charges or my responsibility to mold, I don't see my role as teaching them how to be good or polite. 

I see my role more as a guide; someone who knows a few things about the world and wants to share what I've learned while being curious and interested in what they see and how they perceive things.

Because of this we play together, laugh together and grow together, as a unit. I'm not their "friend" exactly, I have a role that includes raising the bar for them and showing them their own capabilities by having clear expectations and insisting on things. 

But because of my belief in their inherent value, and my authentic interest in learning who they are and how they see themselves, bonding has always been easy.

So, that's my not-so-secret-secret to bonding with our kids! 

Our role as parents isn't to mold our children but rather to be so interested in who they are and who they want to be that we'll do whatever it takes to help them articulate and become that. 

In doing that we often become deeply bonded. 

Lifetime adventures where we all play an equal role tends to encourage that!

Happy bonding, friends!! 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

And then there were four.

Autism Answer: It's Important to Believe That (Hope for Bullies and The Bullied)

Shay, telling a story with symbolism.

My son, Shay, is wearing a noose around his neck. He tried to explain it's symbolism to me, something about protesting bullies in school. Something about how all lives matter, the bullies and the bullied, and how we need to remember that our actions have long reaching effects and when we choose to be unkind we're tightening a noose around our necks, and the necks of our victims. He's still working on the clarity of his message but his passion is not murky at all. 

After dropping his brother off at school we chatted in the car. The topic? Bullying. 

Shay: Was I ever a bully?

Me: Well, we've all "bullied" people. So, I have seen you bully people before. But you were never a bully. Only two of you boys were ever actually, what I would call, a bully.

Shay: Jory and Tyran, right?

Me: Yup. And they were different types of bullies. Tyran knows he was a bully, and he worked hard to change. I was amazed! Jory, though, I don't think he knows he was a bully. I won't be surprised if he never knows. 

Shay: Ya, he made us feel like it was our fault, like we couldn't take a joke when he was being mean. I think he didn't know how much it hurt. But he mostly bullied Tyran. He bullied Tyran a lot. 

Me: (sighing while years of hurt surface) I know, darling. I know. I didn't see it so much back then, but I do know. 

Shay: And you didn't really stop him either, mom. 

Me: (nodding and acknowledging) Your sort of right. I did stop him, but not enough and not with clear vision. 

Shay: When Tyran bullied me and Declyn, you didn't stop him much either. 

Me: (feeling my footing again, here I have a little more confidence) I know it didn't feel like I was stopping it the way you wanted me to most of the time, sweetie. I know, and I appreciate you for still always knowing I love you. But remember, I was thinking of a much bigger picture. As a mom I didn't want to just stop the cruelty of that moment, I wanted to teach skills and offer love all around. I wanted Jory and Tyran to know that their feelings were valuable but their vision was too self-focused, and I wanted you guys to know that your feelings were valuable and you should tell your brothers what those feelings were. I wanted so,so,so much for you guys, and I wasn't always sure how to show you or teach you. 

Shay: That's probably why we usually knew you were on our side even when it didn't seem like you were mad enough about the bullying. 

Me: Well, I have to admit, I was also fooled by the kind of bullying Jory was doing to Tyran. He seemed bossy, but not like a bully to me. Even though I should have seen it, I didn't. Until I did. And that's when we really helped him find new ways to treat you guys, and himself.

Shay: (patting my hand) You're adorable, mom. Now we're all best friends and we're going to make movies and write books and stuff together. So you helped us in the long run. I guess the stuff you were doing was right. 

Me: I don't think it was right, that's for sure! I would do a lot of things different now! But I was always willing to learn and think and listen to you guys. That was right. 

Shay: I guess there's always hope for bullies and people who are bullied, in the long run. 

Me: Yup. I believe that. 

Shay: It's important to believe that. 

We pulled into the driveway and headed into the house together. Comfortable and relieved. 

We went to our work spaces and started telling stories. 

This is mine. 

Hugs, smiles, and love!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Me and Shay.
 

Autism Answer: IMAGINE and Do

Me imagining.

IMAGINE: A culture where we don't ask our children to find a way to fit into society but, instead, we ask how we can shift society so it values and welcomes all of our children. 

Our culture is broken, friends. 

Now:
We tell our kids to sit, listen, focus, and to believe what we tell them. 

When we do this we harm them. We tell them with our actions and rules not to be wild or curious beyond our vision, we suggest that their natural inclinations make them "wrong" or "broken" and our chances for global health and happiness grow farther out of reach. We have so much power! 

Instead: 
Let's ask our kids to play, show, explore distractions and to believe they have the answers.

If we do this our world will shift - quickly! - and our health and happiness will be unavoidable. We will begin to remember who we are, and our values and celebrations will align more naturally with being human rather than fitting into schedules and prefabricated, made up, boxes. We have so much power!

IMAGINE: A culture where we remember that children are not less than but equal to, and diversity and difference are to be valued not restrained. 

Now, join me in doing some of the things we imagine. Be careful, don't get yourselves in trouble, friends. Society still holds the keys to locks that shouldn't exist. 

But if we all shift now, the changes will be profound!

And our children (and ourselves) will grow into who they were born to be!

We have so much power!

Let's share it with our young ones and show them how to use it with kindness.

IMAGINE: And do! 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

My sister's youngest daughter and my youngest son, imagining and exploring.  

Autism Answer: We Choose Each Other

My son when he was still dealing with Irlen, sensory issues, and seizures.  
My nineteen year old son just phoned me here in Texas from his bed in California. The sound of sleep was heavy on his words and, while I sipped my first cup of coffee for the day, it made me feel closer to him. 

He was calling so early because he had woke from a bad dream and wanted to talk it out with me; shed that feeling and start the day fresh. 

We chatted, we considered the dream, we chatted longer and made giggle worthy jokes. Not quite awake enough or in the right head space for guffaws or boisterous laughter, we giggled, and he felt ready to start the day fresh. He chose me and I was able to help.

When my son was small, dealing with Irlen Sydrome and seizures and sensory issues, often dealing with it by being startlingly rude and self-centered, I loved him and believed in him and looked consistently for the paths he could take to grow happier and healthier in order to point out those paths to him. I never believed I could make him healthy or happy, but I always knew that I could help him find his best path toward it.

You know what?
I believe he has.
I believe he has found those paths. 

And I love that it includes phoning me when he's struggling with feelings. Good and bad. 

Let's believe in all of our loved ones, friends! No matter what their obstacles are, they do have the skills to over come or re-purpose them. As my sons grow older and move farther away I see that truth consistently. 

And I'm given an unexpected gift. One that is so important to me. They don't need me anymore, but they choose me. Often!

We choose each other! 

If I spent too much time trying to be the one who makes them happy or makes them healthy or makes them, well, anything, we wouldn't have the space to choose each other and to grow authentically. I would have been far too busy trying "fix" their lives or brains or issues and they would have been far too busy pushing away from me or thinking they needed me. 

It was one of the hardest things I learned when my sons were small, that I can't get inside their heads and make them love themselves and learn skills and be happy. But once I accepted it and took on the role of curious guide, our lives--though still challenging and with moments of monumental emotional pain--became clearly our own. 

And we choose each other. Not in every moment, not for every need, but for the ones where we have built a story that includes each other. 

While my son told me his dream we both felt surrounded by the past and teased by potential futures. We both felt the fear that comes with change and the uncertainty that comes with caring about people so so much. We didn't have to say many words because we've lived this story together his whole life. I listened entirely, knowing that his dreamland is his own--a place where he figures stuff out and it's unrelated to me, even though I will forever play a role. 

Let's remember to build stories that include each other without thinking we have the responsibility of deciding what kind of story a loved one should live. When we let go and become curious guides, they will always surprise us. 

And sometimes, they'll also choose us! 

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

Me and my son now!

Autism Answer: Learnings vs Lessons - A New Year of Playful Semantics!

"Spinning…is well-written overall, but there are several cases of misuse or overuse of punctuation, misuse of words--she seems to make up a language that includes saying “learnings” for “lessons” and uses “example” as a verb." ~Reviewer of my book

I don't generally do the "New Year's Resolution" thing. Sure, my family loves to chat about what we'll do and what we plan for our futures, but it's just never turned into something we do in earnest on the cusp of a new year. 

However, as I mentioned in my Self-Reflection Sunday sharing, this year we will! For those who haven't read my random sharing, here it is: 

"I'm thinking of making concrete resolutions with my sons this year. We almost never do that, it just doesn't match our style. However, this year we're all on the cusp of things, standing on the edge of getting new things done and creating our dreams. We're surrounded by the entire list of items and ingredients needed to stitch it all together, all that's left is for us to do it. So, I'm going to encourage us to actually make the resolution to do the work in 2016! We'll write it down, we'll tell each other our plans so that we've made it real, and so we'll be more likely to share and save any extra fabric one of us may have that might look dashing with another. You know what? Making New Year's Resolutions every year doesn't really match our style, but making New Year's Resolutions when our moment is right to do so, and being aware of that, does match us! Neat!"

My resolution is simple: I resolve to finish writing my novel (at least, the first draft) in 2016.

What, you may wonder, does any of this have to do with Learnings vs Lessons or the quote I shared in the beginning of the post? Well, I'm here to ease your wondering! Even if I am the one who pushed it on you in the first place. Hey, sometimes you gotta make a mess so you can clean it up! tee hee! 

Anyway, a few months ago I got the first critical review for my book, Spinning in Circles and Learning from Myself: A Collection of Stories that Slowly Grow Up, and that first quote, that observation, that I like to make up words and I use "learnings" in place of "lessons" often, is something I'd like to share some learnings about! 

What the reviewer says is entirely true. In fact, if the review is ever published somewhere share-able I will certainly share it with you, because everything the reviewer said was true. I can't say, exactly, that it was a "bad" review, because there are lovely things within and the criticisms are valid and honest. But I get the feeling that the reader didn't entirely enjoy reading my book. And that's okay!

And that's, my friends, what I'm proud and thrilled and excited to learn that I'm comfortable with!! 

I have no interest in arguing with the reviewer, but I am excited to explain why I made the choices I made. For example, "Learnings vs Lessons" well, I think of my life learnings as something I'm continuously involved in and a part of. With the word "lessons" I get an image or feeling of a piece of advice or homework with an expected answer. Lessons sounds, to me, like a thing we are given or a thing we give. Not a thing we play in and explore and evolve and share and keep and then share again. So, I use the word "learnings". 

Of course, it's the wrong word. And that's okay. For me, that's okay. 

But it's true that often readers have no interest in reading a book with creatively invented words, poetic stylings that play indirectly with emotions, or incorrectly used punctuation. They want their entertainment to entertain them, and they want it to be done without asking them to allow for mistakes or follow a creative flow of observations. Good for them! I do that too!! 

For example, I love movies that stir my thoughts and encourage me to consider a life vastly different from mine. But films that play around with creative symbolism and strange edits in order to tell a deeper or more sophisticated tale, well, I often turn them off. Not because I don't value the tactics or learnings they offer, but because that's not what I want in my movies. 

Every single point that the reviewer made about my book regarding suggested tweaks and changes in order to make it more "professional" (that was a word often used) were things I had thought about before publishing. Points I had considered and made intentional decisions about. 

It's true. I use example as a verb, I love the learnings life offers and the lessons they create.
Semantics are fun! Lessons might mean something delightfully engaging and action filled for you. Sweet! Awesome!! I like that! For me, the word brings up something completed; finished. And I think that's fine too! 

One of the biggest, greatest, most delicious learnings I got after reading that review is to know that, like my favorite writers, I do make writing decisions purposefully, and I do know when I'm choosing to be creative or strange, and I don't mind criticism. 

In short: I'm a writer! 

So, now, I can dance into 2016 with strength! I can make that concrete New Year's resolution, to finish my novel, with confidence! Because I am a writer who knows what she's writing and knows when she's making unpopular choices and is completely okay with the criticism!!! 

Well, you know, after a few cups of coffee and a snuggle and a re-reading of the good reviews. Then I'm completely okay with criticism. tee hee! 

I hope you'll join me, friends. I hope you'll hang around and read my stories and share your own here on Autism Answers. I truly enjoy all of the lessons and learnings we've explored together throughout the years. I don't want this date to end! 

But regardless, whether we're here together or far apart, I certainly hope you have many delightful plans and thoughts, and that you anticipate many exciting lessons and learnings, for the New Year!

Hugs, smiles, and love!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook) 

  Pg. 9 of my book, Spinning in Circles and Learning from Myself.

Autism Answer: A Christmas in Time

Our stockings were hung on the couch with care;
Knowing that Santa soon would be there~

Santa threw on a sweater and grabbed treats from the car;
Then danced softly through the house noticing how few of us there are~

It's not because of clashing or disappearing or anger;
But for the beautiful reasons of growing bigger and wider~

Like Santa's jolly belly our family has grown;
To all kinds of new places, with their dreams they have flown~

Santa thought of this truth while stuffing snacks down to the toes;
And smiled and laughed at what those stockings truly showed~

They were different, not all matching, yet happily hanging;
Together, on one couch, while awaiting their fillings~

Filled differently, too, with a few sameness' inside;
Santa encouraged that diversity with silliness and style~

Two stockings were filled with the purpose of later;
When they would be mailed to the boys who are older~

Traditions shift and grow and become new things too;
But having a Merry Christmas is always possible to do~

Our stockings were hung on the couch with care;
Knowing that Santa would always be there!

Merry Christmas!!!!
Hugs, smiles, and love!!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Merry Christmas!  

Autism Answer: Screenshots and Stories - My Book's High Rating On Goodreads

My book is the Highest Rated on Goodreads!!

Well, it's highest rated of the books I've rated. This year. On Goodreads. Because it's been rated four times by friends of mine who loved my stories, rather than hundreds of times like the other books I've read and rated. With four ratings of five stars, well, my book keeps a full five star rating.

But when you see this screenshot you see that my book is...
A Highest Rated on Goodreads!!!

I'm sharing with you for two reasons. 

1) I love the excuse to remind you about my book and I hope you'll get a copy for yourself and a friend. Maybe you'll add it to a few Christmas stockings this year!


2) I love reminding myself, and my friends, that the screenshots we're offered in the lives of others are almost always misleading. Sometimes a little and sometimes a lot. It's important to remember that. Not so we can roll our eyes and think, "Ya, right, I'm sure that's not really ‪#‎nofilter‬ and I know her marriage isn't as good as she's saying it is." But so we can slow down the self judging based on purposely chosen and shared screenshots from others. (Look closely and you'll see I had a tab open specifically teaching me how to take a screenshot so I could show this off!) And also so we can smile and applaud our fellow life moment sharers for choosing to celebrate the beautiful moments. Sure, sometimes the shared moments are complete lies, but mostly they aren't. Mostly they're a true screenshot within a bigger story. A favorite scene from a colorful life. 

So, yes! My book is a Highest Rated on Goodreads!!!

That's true!!

It's also true that it's highest rated in 2015, by four people. Including me, the person who wrote the book.  

So, remember to celebrate the screenshots shared by others, don't judge them harshly. And don't waste too much time comparing them to your story. 

Please, also, enjoy the screenshots shared by you! I encourage you to be honest with yourself about why you choose to share the ones you do, and to be honest with others as well. You can never tell the full story behind a screenshot, but you can always choose to tell a favorite story. 

I'm proud to share this screenshot of my book's high rating with you! I'm proud that I like it, that my friends like it, and that in 2015 people have chosen to give it five stars. And I'd remain proud if I chose only to show you that screenshot without the story behind it, because it is true. But I'm also happy to share some of the story behind that, because there are fun answers there. Either way, it's a screenshot and my chosen story.  

If you'd like some ideas on how to tell honest stories with intention and truth, well, grab yourself a copy of my book! I know you'll love it. After all...

It's a Highest Rated Book on Goodreads!! tee hee! http://www.tsarashelton.com/books-places-i-m-published

Hugs, smiles, and love!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

Spinning in Circles and Learning from Myself: A Collection of Stories that Slowly Grow Up by Tsara Shelton
  
From Amazon: Spinning in Circles and Learning from Myself
From Barnes & Noble: Spinning in Circles and Learning from Myself
From Powells:  Spinning In Circles and Learning from Myself
From Archway:  Spinning in Circles and Learning from Myself

 

Autism Answer: Happy Birthday, Jory Rand!

My oldest son, Jory Rand.
Twenty-two years ago today, Jory was born.

I was nineteen, and he was perfect. Everywhere we went I beamed with pride, and when we'd pass other moms and dads I'd nod apologetically, knowing that though their children were fine, mine was the best!

(BTW: That's not a joke, I really felt apologetic. Hey, now, I was only nineteen! And look at him!! giggle!)




Together we made millions of perfect mistakes, and learned millions of perfect lessons. 

In fact, I learned one of my most important parenting lessons the very day Jory was born.

After weeks and months of going out of my mind with excitement about being a mom and meeting the child I knew would always be my best friend, he was finally born and immediately introduced me to what I would come to learn was an absolute truth: 

He wasn't part of me, he was himself. And I didn't know him yet. 

He taught me, immediately, that it would be our privilege to spend a lifetime getting to know ourselves and each other. 

It has been a most fun, movie filled, cheese and crackers munching, friend making, positive thinking, elaborate fort making twenty-two years!

I love you Jory Rand!!! 

Happy Birthday!!!! 

 Hugs, smiles, and love!!!!
Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)

New Website: www.fourbrothersoneworld.com